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Women Have All the Power...Too Bad They Don't Know It: Secrets Every Man's Daughter Should Know
The award-winning Essence bestseller that gives women straight talk on men, love and relationships.
Michael J. Lockwood knows that when it comes to relationships, women really have the control. It's the man's game not to let them know it. This empowering book is a wake-up call for women. It challenges them to be responsible for their actions, raise their standards, stop compromising, and to use their power to find a man who cherishes commitment and appreciates a fine woman.
Readers will
? The red flags that signal trouble
? Why men live for the 'thrill of the hunt'
? The techniques men use to get women into bed- and away from the altar
? The ten things to never do on a date
? How women regain their rightful position of power in a relationship
Michael J. Lockwood knows that when it comes to relationships, women really have the control. It's the man's game not to let them know it. This empowering book is a wake-up call for women. It challenges them to be responsible for their actions, raise their standards, stop compromising, and to use their power to find a man who cherishes commitment and appreciates a fine woman.
Readers will
? The red flags that signal trouble
? Why men live for the 'thrill of the hunt'
? The techniques men use to get women into bed- and away from the altar
? The ten things to never do on a date
? How women regain their rightful position of power in a relationship
273 pages, Paperback
First published November 15, 2007
32 people are currently reading
280 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews
March 2, 2011
I saw this book sitting on a friend's desk and asked her about it - she gave me a disclaimer and handed me the book to read for myself. Her disclaimer was that although she rather enjoyed the fresh perspective of a black father giving advice to his daughters, I should be prepared for hearing some true principles clothed in language of the vernacular. I'm a 50 year old white woman who has enjoyed a happy marriage for 30 years - what would I get from this book? Well, for starters my two 20-something children are not yet married and involved in the dating scene, and I work with teenagers daily in my church job... so I was intrigued enough to stick with the man's interesting writing style and discovered some real gems hidden in the "brotha", "playa" and "keepin the piece" language.
In the chapters entitled "Stay In Your Own Lane" and "The New School Woman" I perked up at sentences like, "The family unit is the most important aspect of society, but in America it has taken a backseat to materialism." and "When did women stop wanting to be women? When did it become so undesirable to be a wife and a mother?" He makes some powerful and meaningful arguments for why women should "hold the piece" until marriage, and why marriage and family is a goal more worthy than any other. "If you give a man your time, your love, and your body, in his mind he has absolutely nothing to get married for." He talks about the evil things the hip-hop (and Hollywood) culture has done to womanhood. He talks about the recent phenomenon of women wanting children but thinking they don't need a man. Interesting and thought-provoking. The advice he gives in "The Planning Years" (p.205-210) alone is worth the price of the book.
There are some compelling thoughts I will remember and use - like "Remember, it was women's bodies that produced the greatest people on earth. Every king, queen, doctor, and billionaire came from the womb of a woman. Your body is a temple." The principles are familiar and ring true. It is written in a language that (although different from mine) I'm sure most high schoolers would understand very well and never blink twice at. I can recommend it to any parent of daughters. They, in turn, might share portions with their daughters. Some of it is not something I would share with innocent girls. But sadly it's a harsh world out there for our kids. It's quick and easy to read. And I was so heartened to realize anew that the values of marriage and family are inherent in all healthy cultures. Americans need to wake up and help America become healthy again. Nice work Mr. Lockwood!
In the chapters entitled "Stay In Your Own Lane" and "The New School Woman" I perked up at sentences like, "The family unit is the most important aspect of society, but in America it has taken a backseat to materialism." and "When did women stop wanting to be women? When did it become so undesirable to be a wife and a mother?" He makes some powerful and meaningful arguments for why women should "hold the piece" until marriage, and why marriage and family is a goal more worthy than any other. "If you give a man your time, your love, and your body, in his mind he has absolutely nothing to get married for." He talks about the evil things the hip-hop (and Hollywood) culture has done to womanhood. He talks about the recent phenomenon of women wanting children but thinking they don't need a man. Interesting and thought-provoking. The advice he gives in "The Planning Years" (p.205-210) alone is worth the price of the book.
There are some compelling thoughts I will remember and use - like "Remember, it was women's bodies that produced the greatest people on earth. Every king, queen, doctor, and billionaire came from the womb of a woman. Your body is a temple." The principles are familiar and ring true. It is written in a language that (although different from mine) I'm sure most high schoolers would understand very well and never blink twice at. I can recommend it to any parent of daughters. They, in turn, might share portions with their daughters. Some of it is not something I would share with innocent girls. But sadly it's a harsh world out there for our kids. It's quick and easy to read. And I was so heartened to realize anew that the values of marriage and family are inherent in all healthy cultures. Americans need to wake up and help America become healthy again. Nice work Mr. Lockwood!
June 19, 2014
I'm only up to Chapter 3 and already I'm offended by his gay slurs and anti-female-equality views. His early reference to having biblical values should have alerted me to the impending rhetoric on the importance of the 1950s housewife who is "submissive to the leader of the house". The author clearly has not grown with the times and I find his view that all single women are lonely and miserable to be offensive and inaccurate. Not sure if I should bother finishing the book.
February 2, 2009
This book is a cheat sheet when dealing with men! It doesn't get ant plainer!
May 23, 2011
This is what my mother taught me. So it was very funny to read it coming form a contemporary black man's mind. Awesome.
November 2, 2020
Written and originally published by Penguin in 2007, in Women Have All The Power…Too Bad They Don’t Know It Michael J. Lockwood defines the power that women have and how to effectively wield that power by detailing the differences between men and women and identifying how men and women should act. Lockwood was born in 1933 in Essex, England and was raised with certain values and cultural expectations in place due to the times. His outdated perception of how people should behave and treat one another was exacerbated in his book, making him seem sexist and rigid in his beliefs. The main concept behind the book is for women to fulfill their roles as women and practice abstinence until marriage for the ideal and most sought-after quality relationship and life; as men fulfill their roles as men and the head of the household, with their women submissive to them.
The book starts with the chapter titled, “Aren’t You Tired?” (p. 15) that goes over the positive impact that both parents being in the home has on children and how the lack of a father figure is part of the problem with our youth. Lockwood also makes the disclaimer, in this chapter, that the base concepts of his book are derived from the Bible, as he goes onto express how he feels about the casual approach to sexual intimacy in America. Next, the author discusses free will and its impact on our relationships: “Don’t blame men every time you come up short in a relationship. If you’re looking for someone to blame, start with yourself” (p. 16). In the following chapter, Lockwood examines the different behaviors and expectations of men, “Man-ology” (p. 27), and the different behaviors and expectations of women regarding their relationships with men.
The next chapter describes the “lanes” (p. 50) that men and women should stay in to create a good foundation for the building of their relationships; this is further discussed to say what kind of roles and behaviors belong to each “lane.” Lockwood continues by describing what a “good” woman looks like and how a “good” woman should act submissive to her man, as he is the head of the household, and the “man of the house.” The remaining chapters give the guidance to women to practice abstinence until marriage (men “will float from one woman’s bed to the next” [p. 74]) despite it being a double standard, to be aware of men’s “silly tricks” (p. 81) and why men lie, to explaining why the “New School Woman” (p. 103) is not the woman one wants to be.
Lockwood prefaced the book dedicating it to his three daughters, in the hopes that they could use the information he provided to become happy and successful women in America. In the first few chapters he goes over what the different roles of men and women are and how a woman can effectively use those roles to have all the power. He defines this as, “a man needs to be a man, and a woman needs to be a woman” (p. 50); making it appear as though those are the only two roles that one can have and whatever you are born as decides the role you should fulfill for the rest of your life. He also blatantly denies the importance of women’s independence by saying, “I often wonder why more women don’t recognize that this newfound independence and appetite for equality is a one-way ticket to nowhere” (p. 50). This is further proven by him saying that men and women are not equal, even though he tries to save it by saying that we all have equal importance. This hypothesis of the importance of gender-role rigidity has been disproven in multiple academic and professional studies that found that couples fulfilling the gender-roles were less happy and less successful in their relationships than those with nontraditional gender roles.
The conclusions that Lockwood comes to are very much outdated and old-school. He expresses his belief that women are not as independently strong as men and that, “a man must lead and you [a woman] must responsibly follow” (p. 52). This implies that women cannot make decisions for themselves and must wait at their man’s side for permission. Furthermore, he dictates that women that have “got tattoos, gold teeth, cigarettes hanging from their lips” (p. 60) are destroying their natural beauty and worth. This gives the impression that if any of those attributes can be used to describe a woman, that that woman is not worth the time, let alone worth marriage. He also assumes that women give up sex easily for the sake of a potential relationship but does not make any such derogative assumptions of men. His continuous degradation of women’s independence and individuality is deprecating to women all over the world, not just Americans.
Despite his sexist beliefs and gender-role stringency, Lockwood made a few interesting points that I would not necessarily agree with, but that I can see where he was coming from. One of those points was: “you should not sleep with him on the first date” (p. 60). I have personally always found that saving intimacy for later stages in the dating process to be an effective way to weed out players and undesirables, so I agree that this rule has merit. Another strong point he made was: “women should never use sex as a carrot to motivate men to do right” (p. 80). You would think this would be a no-brainer for most women, but I have met plenty of women who have thought that this would be an advantageous method for them to use to get their significant other to change their behavior; it has never worked successfully. The last point I thought had some truth to it was: “Men expect you to accept that they’ve slept around, but women will carry the label of ho, tramp, or slut when they do” (p. 76). This statement is extremely relevant and an awful double-standard in our country; men can sleep with whomever they want, whenever they want, and they don’t get any flack for it, but if women do that then they are labeled as trashy or one of the derogative terms that Lockwood used. Each of these statements had truth to them, but the book has many faults as well.
Women Have All The Power…Too Bad They Don’t Know It centers around the idea that women should behave a certain way in order to have a successful relationship with a man, yet provides only opinions and no evidence to support what the author has to say. It has sexist pretexts and 1950’s household ideals. The text reads as being written by a chauvinistic, controlling, and stereotypical male, which is exactly the type of attitude that today’s society is trying to ostracize. It idolizes the submissive, passive, cooking and cleaning housewife and makes it sound like that is the only route to go down to be fruitful. There are multiple examples throughout the world, that this is not an accurate representation of a healthy and successful relationship. We should not be restricted to the stereotypes that our gender has, nor should we have to be submissive to anyone, man or woman, because we are all human and should treat one another with respect and regard equally. For some, this book could be a godsend, if they have the same values, but for a polyamorous, bi-curious, independent, engaged woman as myself, this book was very disheartening.
In spite of it’s disheartening contents, I can see how this book was relevant to the class as it covered the different ways of communicating between men and women. The text also had examples from our Looking Out, Looking In textbook, such as examples of the fallacy of overgeneralization, the fallacy of shoulds, and static evaluations. After reading Women Have All The Power…Too Bad They Don’t Know It I feel more confident in my understandings of the textbook’s concepts.
Overall, this book had its pros and cons, but each opinion that Lockwood expressed as to how to have a successful relationship can be taken and dissected to figure out what works for the individual. His outdated perception of how people should behave and treat one another was intensified in his book, making him seem sexist and rigid in his beliefs, but at the end of the day everybody has their own opinions, beliefs, and ways of life and not everyone’s is going to look the same. Women do have all the power, but so do men. We all have the power to make a relationship work, what we need to learn is how to compromise and how to respect each other as fellow human beings.
The book starts with the chapter titled, “Aren’t You Tired?” (p. 15) that goes over the positive impact that both parents being in the home has on children and how the lack of a father figure is part of the problem with our youth. Lockwood also makes the disclaimer, in this chapter, that the base concepts of his book are derived from the Bible, as he goes onto express how he feels about the casual approach to sexual intimacy in America. Next, the author discusses free will and its impact on our relationships: “Don’t blame men every time you come up short in a relationship. If you’re looking for someone to blame, start with yourself” (p. 16). In the following chapter, Lockwood examines the different behaviors and expectations of men, “Man-ology” (p. 27), and the different behaviors and expectations of women regarding their relationships with men.
The next chapter describes the “lanes” (p. 50) that men and women should stay in to create a good foundation for the building of their relationships; this is further discussed to say what kind of roles and behaviors belong to each “lane.” Lockwood continues by describing what a “good” woman looks like and how a “good” woman should act submissive to her man, as he is the head of the household, and the “man of the house.” The remaining chapters give the guidance to women to practice abstinence until marriage (men “will float from one woman’s bed to the next” [p. 74]) despite it being a double standard, to be aware of men’s “silly tricks” (p. 81) and why men lie, to explaining why the “New School Woman” (p. 103) is not the woman one wants to be.
Lockwood prefaced the book dedicating it to his three daughters, in the hopes that they could use the information he provided to become happy and successful women in America. In the first few chapters he goes over what the different roles of men and women are and how a woman can effectively use those roles to have all the power. He defines this as, “a man needs to be a man, and a woman needs to be a woman” (p. 50); making it appear as though those are the only two roles that one can have and whatever you are born as decides the role you should fulfill for the rest of your life. He also blatantly denies the importance of women’s independence by saying, “I often wonder why more women don’t recognize that this newfound independence and appetite for equality is a one-way ticket to nowhere” (p. 50). This is further proven by him saying that men and women are not equal, even though he tries to save it by saying that we all have equal importance. This hypothesis of the importance of gender-role rigidity has been disproven in multiple academic and professional studies that found that couples fulfilling the gender-roles were less happy and less successful in their relationships than those with nontraditional gender roles.
The conclusions that Lockwood comes to are very much outdated and old-school. He expresses his belief that women are not as independently strong as men and that, “a man must lead and you [a woman] must responsibly follow” (p. 52). This implies that women cannot make decisions for themselves and must wait at their man’s side for permission. Furthermore, he dictates that women that have “got tattoos, gold teeth, cigarettes hanging from their lips” (p. 60) are destroying their natural beauty and worth. This gives the impression that if any of those attributes can be used to describe a woman, that that woman is not worth the time, let alone worth marriage. He also assumes that women give up sex easily for the sake of a potential relationship but does not make any such derogative assumptions of men. His continuous degradation of women’s independence and individuality is deprecating to women all over the world, not just Americans.
Despite his sexist beliefs and gender-role stringency, Lockwood made a few interesting points that I would not necessarily agree with, but that I can see where he was coming from. One of those points was: “you should not sleep with him on the first date” (p. 60). I have personally always found that saving intimacy for later stages in the dating process to be an effective way to weed out players and undesirables, so I agree that this rule has merit. Another strong point he made was: “women should never use sex as a carrot to motivate men to do right” (p. 80). You would think this would be a no-brainer for most women, but I have met plenty of women who have thought that this would be an advantageous method for them to use to get their significant other to change their behavior; it has never worked successfully. The last point I thought had some truth to it was: “Men expect you to accept that they’ve slept around, but women will carry the label of ho, tramp, or slut when they do” (p. 76). This statement is extremely relevant and an awful double-standard in our country; men can sleep with whomever they want, whenever they want, and they don’t get any flack for it, but if women do that then they are labeled as trashy or one of the derogative terms that Lockwood used. Each of these statements had truth to them, but the book has many faults as well.
Women Have All The Power…Too Bad They Don’t Know It centers around the idea that women should behave a certain way in order to have a successful relationship with a man, yet provides only opinions and no evidence to support what the author has to say. It has sexist pretexts and 1950’s household ideals. The text reads as being written by a chauvinistic, controlling, and stereotypical male, which is exactly the type of attitude that today’s society is trying to ostracize. It idolizes the submissive, passive, cooking and cleaning housewife and makes it sound like that is the only route to go down to be fruitful. There are multiple examples throughout the world, that this is not an accurate representation of a healthy and successful relationship. We should not be restricted to the stereotypes that our gender has, nor should we have to be submissive to anyone, man or woman, because we are all human and should treat one another with respect and regard equally. For some, this book could be a godsend, if they have the same values, but for a polyamorous, bi-curious, independent, engaged woman as myself, this book was very disheartening.
In spite of it’s disheartening contents, I can see how this book was relevant to the class as it covered the different ways of communicating between men and women. The text also had examples from our Looking Out, Looking In textbook, such as examples of the fallacy of overgeneralization, the fallacy of shoulds, and static evaluations. After reading Women Have All The Power…Too Bad They Don’t Know It I feel more confident in my understandings of the textbook’s concepts.
Overall, this book had its pros and cons, but each opinion that Lockwood expressed as to how to have a successful relationship can be taken and dissected to figure out what works for the individual. His outdated perception of how people should behave and treat one another was intensified in his book, making him seem sexist and rigid in his beliefs, but at the end of the day everybody has their own opinions, beliefs, and ways of life and not everyone’s is going to look the same. Women do have all the power, but so do men. We all have the power to make a relationship work, what we need to learn is how to compromise and how to respect each other as fellow human beings.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
July 1, 2022
Easily one of the worst books I’ve ever read in my life. It’s crazy how a book about feminism could be so deeply misogynistic. The title is very misleading as the whole book is revolving around how you should be pleasing men. It’s also ironic that a man wrote a book on how to be a righteous woman. Wouldn’t recommend this book on my worst enemy.
Read
September 1, 2008EVERY girl woman and teenage girl should read this book!
December 13, 2021
Somewhat comical. Mostly infuriating and antiquated.
The title suggests that women have the power, but only a few pages in, it literally tells women to "submit to their man."
Lockwood continued to say that women need to stay visually pleasing to their man, and really thought to add that if a women were to gain some weight after marriage, how can she expect her man to remain interested?
This book is basically:
-Do what a man tells you
-Don't have any opinions
-Don't express yourself how you choose to (No tattoos or bold hair colors... seriously, how dare you 🙄)
-Don't put your career before your man/family because you need to be at home
-"Pamper your man like you would a puppy"
I read a few other reviews and they claimed that this is a "must read" for all women and daughters. I very much so disagree. This book needs to be shoved back into the 1950s along with the sterotypical "housewife" narrative.
The title suggests that women have the power, but only a few pages in, it literally tells women to "submit to their man."
Lockwood continued to say that women need to stay visually pleasing to their man, and really thought to add that if a women were to gain some weight after marriage, how can she expect her man to remain interested?
This book is basically:
-Do what a man tells you
-Don't have any opinions
-Don't express yourself how you choose to (No tattoos or bold hair colors... seriously, how dare you 🙄)
-Don't put your career before your man/family because you need to be at home
-"Pamper your man like you would a puppy"
I read a few other reviews and they claimed that this is a "must read" for all women and daughters. I very much so disagree. This book needs to be shoved back into the 1950s along with the sterotypical "housewife" narrative.
August 29, 2024
While there are some good points made, this whole entire book should have been 100 pages or less. The same information and message gets pulled in every direction but ultimately is a whole book of repetition. Also, this book takes a very conservative approach so may not be for everyone.
May 31, 2017
Book was good.
April 2, 2019
Half the advice was good, half of it was bad. And the half that was good, wasn't relevant to my situation.
November 27, 2012
My daughter first mentioned this book to me because of the title: I had taught her for years that girls did indeed have all the power in high school and beyond. But my happiness about this book quickly turned to anger when i started looking through it. The author contends that all men are hunters and therefore don't know how to treat women right. What a horrible and inaccurate assumption! Yes, there are many men like that but there are many men who are emotionally available, are good communicators, hunger for emotional intimacy with their partner and know how to make a woman feel cherished. I was so upset by this book that I wrote a blog post called "Twelve Reasons Why Beautiful Women Have Trouble Finding Mr. Right." If you're interested, you can find it on my blog.
January 9, 2012
In the beginning, I really enjoyed this book. I kept thinking, why wasn't this book around when I was in college? I could have really used this advice and my life my have avoided some stupid mistakes with regards to men and relationships. Then as the book progressed, I became annoyed with some of his beliefs. Based on chapters 1-5, I would give the book 4 stars, but since I didn't like how the last chapters played out, I am only giving it a 3.
May 24, 2013
Believe it or not I started at the last chapter. I'm tired of many of the "self help" books out there that blah blah blah and finally the point of "what I'm really saying" comes at the end. I agree with 75% of what he's trying to tell women. Men are not complex if you are their mom or sister but dating or married...phew, they are so different than we are that it's nice to have a guys spin on things. *Married 23 years and still doing research to figure my guy out. lol
December 8, 2015
Lacks!
Women should not be submissive to men and men should not expect submission. The author does not have a good understanding of healthy human nature relations, contradicts himself, doesn't understand the roll of sex in a relationship. He says it was written for his daughters. His daughter would do themselves a favor and read Deepak Chopra's book instead.
Women should not be submissive to men and men should not expect submission. The author does not have a good understanding of healthy human nature relations, contradicts himself, doesn't understand the roll of sex in a relationship. He says it was written for his daughters. His daughter would do themselves a favor and read Deepak Chopra's book instead.
October 3, 2010
Easy read, it's hard to put down once you get started. A lot of what the author talks about are things that people already know but forget to apply. He makes a lot of sense. I don't agree with everything but he made me think of how I present myself not only to men but to society.
January 4, 2008
Need a father figure here HE is....
Want to read
April 22, 2011ok so after reading the book i felt very empowered to move on and to start making better relationship choices .
August 31, 2010
:) You didnt know?!?!
A must have for every home library, especially women raising children (especially girl children) alone.
A must have for every home library, especially women raising children (especially girl children) alone.
December 11, 2014
interesting and insightful
September 17, 2012
Good but Goddy
August 12, 2013
I love this book I read it over and over again
September 4, 2015
Wow. I learned a lot from this book. It's a definite MUST-READ! for all the woman out there. Life-changing.
September 27, 2010
This book was very insightful, and I want all my single friends to read it.
Displaying 1 - 24 of 24 reviews