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Mentor: A Memoir
"You don't choose the writer's life, the writer's life chooses you."
When Grimes first meets Frank Conroy (then director of the legendary Iowa Writers' Workshop), he tells him he recently applied to the program.
Conroy's response? "Yeah, you and eight hundred others." But Grimes was not only accepted; he was offered the top scholarship an auspicious beginning. Grimes wanted to write big books, masterpieces. While he was
still a student, his second novel sold at auction, with four prestigious publishing houses bidding. Conroy, who had taken Grimes under his wing first as a student, and later as a friend and surrogate son reveled in his protégé's success, and promised more to come.
Thus Grimes was ill prepared for what came next: poor and mixed
reviews, dejection, and abandonment from the publishing maw. Few writers experience Grimes's triumphant rise into the life that had chosen him, but many share his failures. What sets his story apart is his relationship with Conroy, whose support and encouragement were unflagging. "It's taken me twenty years to understand that our unexpected friendship, rather than
my novel, was the real work of art," writes Grimes. Mentor is both touching and sobering an honest book about writing, packed with excellent advice. And a fascinating and heartfelt tribute to a mannot for the books he wrote but for the gruff, often unspoken love he gave.
200 pages, Paperback
First published July 29, 2010
12 people are currently reading
495 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 105 reviews
August 1, 2010
It's clear I can't write about this book without improvising my own condensed Frank memoir, which is probably a testament to this book's goodness: the meaning/music of it, the co-created thematic stuff, is the thread of a reader's recollections (re: Frank, The Workshop, Iowa City, Connie, Charles D'Ambrosio, et al) nicely tangled up with everything Grimes relates.
Recommended for anyone who had any experience with Frank Conroy and wondered what it might have been like to have known him better. For everyone there when he was the director, he changed lives, definitely, by inviting folks to spend two years living like writers.
I once sat across the table from him and tried to argue about the importance of exposition when he quoted Henry James -- dramatize, dramatize, dramatize! -- and he waved a hand in the air as though calling for rescue and countered with "calumny!" (I looked up the word when I got home and e-mailed him to apologize and he responded that I needn't worry and that he appreciated my presence in his class, a phrase I'd intermittently savor and re-use in my own classes a few times). I loved the old dude pretty much immediately, but also, like everyone, was slightly scared of him, but in the way I was slightly scared of the old prep school teachers I had who were unpredictable but always entertaining and brilliant.
I loved when Grimes repeated Frank's thing about "sensing an intelligence pulse through the page" (that's something I remember Frank saying -- a similar quote from the book would be this: "A reader . . . must feel the continual, but unobtrusive, pressure of the writer's soul behind every sentence.")
But this book also isn't really all about Frank.
The first part of the book I found sort of centrist, tonally, despite horrific bits about the author's sis. I kept wanting things to bust out formally, tonally, somehow, but then a bit of screenplay midway seemed really sort of not like the right move to me. Which didn't matter much, though, because soon I dogearred some pages where the prose lost all the self-conscious writerliness early on (there's a description of lines in a man's face -- the simile escapes me, but it was one of those lines that makes you aware you're reading "creative writing" instead of something necessary/inspired/good) and just said what had to be said: "But for me writing is a necessity. I exist in sentences. I forget my sense of failure. I forget time. I forget that I'm aging. I forget that one day I'll die." When the writing seems like it's as honest as possible, it's really pretty excellent.
Anyway, this one starts well, sags some, but then improves as the author loses his shit a bit mid-career after experiencing ye olde Literary Poignancy Lesson 101 (ie, seriously raised expectations, semi-dashed hopes) and as Frank gets sick.
Good, also, to read Mr. Grimes' eulogy from the memorial service. I was impressed and moved when I heard it in person -- that's why I preordered this book, not having read anything else he'd done.
Anyway, definitely recommended for the memory-lane waltz (if applicable), but also recommended for anyone interested in an honest, well-constructed, fairly bullshitless representation of an ambitious, semi-tortured variety of writerly reality. The sort of book that makes you keep the faith and/or reinforces respect for the peculiarly important, intermittently maddening endeavor of reading and writing.
Potentially of interest: some letters from students that were compiled and sent to Frank before he died were anonymously posted here -- might make for excellent supplementary reading.
Recommended for anyone who had any experience with Frank Conroy and wondered what it might have been like to have known him better. For everyone there when he was the director, he changed lives, definitely, by inviting folks to spend two years living like writers.
I once sat across the table from him and tried to argue about the importance of exposition when he quoted Henry James -- dramatize, dramatize, dramatize! -- and he waved a hand in the air as though calling for rescue and countered with "calumny!" (I looked up the word when I got home and e-mailed him to apologize and he responded that I needn't worry and that he appreciated my presence in his class, a phrase I'd intermittently savor and re-use in my own classes a few times). I loved the old dude pretty much immediately, but also, like everyone, was slightly scared of him, but in the way I was slightly scared of the old prep school teachers I had who were unpredictable but always entertaining and brilliant.
I loved when Grimes repeated Frank's thing about "sensing an intelligence pulse through the page" (that's something I remember Frank saying -- a similar quote from the book would be this: "A reader . . . must feel the continual, but unobtrusive, pressure of the writer's soul behind every sentence.")
But this book also isn't really all about Frank.
The first part of the book I found sort of centrist, tonally, despite horrific bits about the author's sis. I kept wanting things to bust out formally, tonally, somehow, but then a bit of screenplay midway seemed really sort of not like the right move to me. Which didn't matter much, though, because soon I dogearred some pages where the prose lost all the self-conscious writerliness early on (there's a description of lines in a man's face -- the simile escapes me, but it was one of those lines that makes you aware you're reading "creative writing" instead of something necessary/inspired/good) and just said what had to be said: "But for me writing is a necessity. I exist in sentences. I forget my sense of failure. I forget time. I forget that I'm aging. I forget that one day I'll die." When the writing seems like it's as honest as possible, it's really pretty excellent.
Anyway, this one starts well, sags some, but then improves as the author loses his shit a bit mid-career after experiencing ye olde Literary Poignancy Lesson 101 (ie, seriously raised expectations, semi-dashed hopes) and as Frank gets sick.
Good, also, to read Mr. Grimes' eulogy from the memorial service. I was impressed and moved when I heard it in person -- that's why I preordered this book, not having read anything else he'd done.
Anyway, definitely recommended for the memory-lane waltz (if applicable), but also recommended for anyone interested in an honest, well-constructed, fairly bullshitless representation of an ambitious, semi-tortured variety of writerly reality. The sort of book that makes you keep the faith and/or reinforces respect for the peculiarly important, intermittently maddening endeavor of reading and writing.
Potentially of interest: some letters from students that were compiled and sent to Frank before he died were anonymously posted here -- might make for excellent supplementary reading.
July 2, 2018
Grimes opens up a clear window into the writing life and how all-consuming it can become. He shares with the reader his many struggles, self-doubts and even mental health issues he comes up against during his life. Much of this book deals with the fabled Iowa Writers Workshop during the years it was headed up by Frank Conroy, a literary giant who became Grimes's mentor. I'm not sure we really grasp the whole essence of who Conroy was and exactly what he meant to Grimes. Certainly, Conroy was a complicated man worshiped by the author. It's clear from Grimes that they forged a friendship and a mutual respect. I can imagine young and aspiring novelists reading this book and coming away wondering if the lifetime pursuit of becoming a writer is worth the blood, sweat and tears. Grimes has written just a handful of books. Conroy wrote a much-acclaimed memoir and not much else. That both suffered for their art may be the whole point of this book.
February 22, 2011
"I hadn't expected to write this book, but, in a way, our memoirs form bookends. His about childhood, adolescence, and a lost father, mine about writing, teaching, and a father found. Our story has come full circle. The story's meaning mystifies me, yet if Frank were alive he'd agree that neither of us would choose to live in a world that was unmarked by the passage of time, and anything other than inscrutable."
Writer, teacher, and philanthropist, Tom Grimes, wrote this memoir about his friendship with Frank Conroy and his struggles with writing and publishing. Grimes opens his narrative in 1980's Key West, where he's striving to write publishable work while earning money as a waiter. After applying to the Iowa Writing Workshop MFA program, he heard Frank Conroy speak at a seminar in Florida. Later, he approached him offstage with enthusiastic questions about writing and the workshop. Conroy, who had recently become Director at Iowa, dismissed him. He ambled right past Tom to talk to a friend, waving him off that his chances of acceptance were slim to zip (in so many words). His confidence punctured, Tom went home to tear up--really, he gutted--Conroy's celebrated memoir, Stop-Time: A Memoir. He tossed it in the garbage and wiped his hands of Frank Conroy.
During the subsequent interval of furious emotions--getting rejected by various schools, being frustrated with his job--Tom received a phone call. It was from Conroy, who had no clue that he was speaking to someone he had snubbed. He wouldn't have even remembered the encounter. Frank spoke to him in his hoarse, cigarette-laden voice, saying that he loved his manuscript (Grimes' unfinished novel) and that he has been accepted into the Iowa program. Grimes was ecstatic. He and his wife, Jody, and their two cats, moved to the Midwest to begin the journey of his mentorship and friendship with Conroy.
Conroy took Tom under his wing, which caused jealousy in some of Tom's classmates. There are some hilarious and horrifying examples of how this played out in the classroom. Frank believed in Tom's talent and mentored him closely. Eventually, their relationship became more like a father-son bond. Although Conroy was often inexplicable, with a deadpan affect and wooly exterior, he was exuberant about Tom's writing and ambition. He had given him a job teaching freshmen (Tom turned down scholarship money in lieu of real work), and, by increments, invited him into his life.
Grimes and Conroy had things in common. They grew up with an absent father; they wrote to secure a center of gravity. Moreover, they shared an emotional hemorrhage into the dark side of their minds. Grimes' description of losing his grip and his personal dislocation with reality was nothing short of riveting. Frank's STOP-TIME memoir describes his repeated attempts to kill himself, without success.
Also, they were impassioned teachers and had a knack for organizing others to raise money, as well as culling collaboration on anthologies and projects. Grimes was instrumental in saving Katherine Anne Porter's childhood home in Kyle, Texas. He directs the MFA program at Texas State University (in San Marcos, Texas), which is just minutes away. In persuading others to become part of the project, he helped get the funds to restore her home and use it for visiting writers to the University. As an Austin resident, I remember when the press released the decision to save her house. Conroy was well loved by writers and trustees alike, and he was adept at obtaining endowments for the facility and scholarships for students. Grimes related that Conroy flew to Austin to be at a dying James Michener's bedside. In a lesser man, it would have seemed merely opportunistic. But Conroy did just about everything with aplomb.
What is so touching about this memoir is the candid honesty of the narrative. Grimes isn't afraid to reveal his awkwardness, his rejections, and his missteps. He keeps a fluid balance between light and heavy without tipping into a confessional mode. He confides with a generally natural ease, describing how his relationship with Conroy made it difficult for him to separate from his need for Frank's approval. When one of Grimes' novels failed to succeed, it took him years to realize that his confidence in it had been Frank's confidence all along.
"I hadn't been able to separate my need for Frank's affection from my need to look at my novel as objectively as possible. Which is why it's taken me twenty years to understand that our unexpected friendship, rather than my novel, was the real work of art."
This is a commendable memoir for budding writers, also. There are teachable moments on the art and craft of writing, a peek at the editing process, and a gaping look at the vicissitudes of the publishing houses.
Occasionally, the narrative is too earnest or overripe. Tom's trip home to his family after a tragic event was a bit self-conscious and overwritten. The incident speaks for itself, and required no additional melodrama. However, the impact of such an incident and the difficulty coping with mental illness in family members was poignant. I comprehended that Grimes may have some difficulty with the more gruesome autobiographical memories.
There are beautiful nuggets, especially about Tom's relationship with writing, even more so than his relationship with Frank Conroy.
"Every day I face a blank page, knowing that the majority of the words I commit to the page will be wrong... But for me writing is a necessity. I exist in sentences. I forget my sense of failure. I forget time. I forget aging. I forget that one day I'll die. Revising sentences is an act of hope, and connecting with a reader is the only leap of faith I'll ever take."
I was unacquainted with Tom Grimes before I read his memoir. I won't forget him easily, though. He made himself transparent and known; he connected with this reader in intimate, echoing ways. Additionally, he invited us into one of the most important relationships in his life, to his deeply touching bond with the enigmatic Frank Conroy. His humanity and his heart form a moving testament to his story. It is a memoir of friendship, faith, time, teaching, writing and reaching out to others.
Writer, teacher, and philanthropist, Tom Grimes, wrote this memoir about his friendship with Frank Conroy and his struggles with writing and publishing. Grimes opens his narrative in 1980's Key West, where he's striving to write publishable work while earning money as a waiter. After applying to the Iowa Writing Workshop MFA program, he heard Frank Conroy speak at a seminar in Florida. Later, he approached him offstage with enthusiastic questions about writing and the workshop. Conroy, who had recently become Director at Iowa, dismissed him. He ambled right past Tom to talk to a friend, waving him off that his chances of acceptance were slim to zip (in so many words). His confidence punctured, Tom went home to tear up--really, he gutted--Conroy's celebrated memoir, Stop-Time: A Memoir. He tossed it in the garbage and wiped his hands of Frank Conroy.
During the subsequent interval of furious emotions--getting rejected by various schools, being frustrated with his job--Tom received a phone call. It was from Conroy, who had no clue that he was speaking to someone he had snubbed. He wouldn't have even remembered the encounter. Frank spoke to him in his hoarse, cigarette-laden voice, saying that he loved his manuscript (Grimes' unfinished novel) and that he has been accepted into the Iowa program. Grimes was ecstatic. He and his wife, Jody, and their two cats, moved to the Midwest to begin the journey of his mentorship and friendship with Conroy.
Conroy took Tom under his wing, which caused jealousy in some of Tom's classmates. There are some hilarious and horrifying examples of how this played out in the classroom. Frank believed in Tom's talent and mentored him closely. Eventually, their relationship became more like a father-son bond. Although Conroy was often inexplicable, with a deadpan affect and wooly exterior, he was exuberant about Tom's writing and ambition. He had given him a job teaching freshmen (Tom turned down scholarship money in lieu of real work), and, by increments, invited him into his life.
Grimes and Conroy had things in common. They grew up with an absent father; they wrote to secure a center of gravity. Moreover, they shared an emotional hemorrhage into the dark side of their minds. Grimes' description of losing his grip and his personal dislocation with reality was nothing short of riveting. Frank's STOP-TIME memoir describes his repeated attempts to kill himself, without success.
Also, they were impassioned teachers and had a knack for organizing others to raise money, as well as culling collaboration on anthologies and projects. Grimes was instrumental in saving Katherine Anne Porter's childhood home in Kyle, Texas. He directs the MFA program at Texas State University (in San Marcos, Texas), which is just minutes away. In persuading others to become part of the project, he helped get the funds to restore her home and use it for visiting writers to the University. As an Austin resident, I remember when the press released the decision to save her house. Conroy was well loved by writers and trustees alike, and he was adept at obtaining endowments for the facility and scholarships for students. Grimes related that Conroy flew to Austin to be at a dying James Michener's bedside. In a lesser man, it would have seemed merely opportunistic. But Conroy did just about everything with aplomb.
What is so touching about this memoir is the candid honesty of the narrative. Grimes isn't afraid to reveal his awkwardness, his rejections, and his missteps. He keeps a fluid balance between light and heavy without tipping into a confessional mode. He confides with a generally natural ease, describing how his relationship with Conroy made it difficult for him to separate from his need for Frank's approval. When one of Grimes' novels failed to succeed, it took him years to realize that his confidence in it had been Frank's confidence all along.
"I hadn't been able to separate my need for Frank's affection from my need to look at my novel as objectively as possible. Which is why it's taken me twenty years to understand that our unexpected friendship, rather than my novel, was the real work of art."
This is a commendable memoir for budding writers, also. There are teachable moments on the art and craft of writing, a peek at the editing process, and a gaping look at the vicissitudes of the publishing houses.
Occasionally, the narrative is too earnest or overripe. Tom's trip home to his family after a tragic event was a bit self-conscious and overwritten. The incident speaks for itself, and required no additional melodrama. However, the impact of such an incident and the difficulty coping with mental illness in family members was poignant. I comprehended that Grimes may have some difficulty with the more gruesome autobiographical memories.
There are beautiful nuggets, especially about Tom's relationship with writing, even more so than his relationship with Frank Conroy.
"Every day I face a blank page, knowing that the majority of the words I commit to the page will be wrong... But for me writing is a necessity. I exist in sentences. I forget my sense of failure. I forget time. I forget aging. I forget that one day I'll die. Revising sentences is an act of hope, and connecting with a reader is the only leap of faith I'll ever take."
I was unacquainted with Tom Grimes before I read his memoir. I won't forget him easily, though. He made himself transparent and known; he connected with this reader in intimate, echoing ways. Additionally, he invited us into one of the most important relationships in his life, to his deeply touching bond with the enigmatic Frank Conroy. His humanity and his heart form a moving testament to his story. It is a memoir of friendship, faith, time, teaching, writing and reaching out to others.
August 7, 2016
Candor in its presentation about the writer's life, extensive in its look at a rare mentor-mentee relationship, this is a concentrated read for anyone who writes, or for any reader who is a least bit curious about the writing life. However if you are not, or have never been a student of the MFA program, there is a possibility this could bore or annoy you (though even if you have been a MFA candidate or graduate, you could still become annoyed by the Iowa-workshop-intensive renderings).
I've always wanted to read Frank Conroy's classic memoir, Stop Time after having heard so much about it from mentors and professors in my MFA program. Writing his memoir at a time when memoirs were supposed to be about "the greats" or "accomplished," Conroy entered the scene and proved that literary nonfiction by obscure writers have something to add to the worldly discourse. His memoir seems to be the quintessential creative nonfiction writing student read that I've managed to avoid until now (it is currently on my to-buy list).
What makes Mentor stand out on my bookshelf of creative nonfiction about writing is that Conroy's former student seems to be writing about the writer's life from a darker perspective than that of Hemingway in A Moveable Feast, and he also goes into detail that portrays the stark trajectory. In this sentence for example, when he talks about the editing process for a novel: "I deleted scenes, trimmed sentences, condensed descriptions, collapsed two characters into one." Picture having a conversation with someone who says, "I have good news and bad news, which one do you want first?"
Written with the clarity that most nonfiction writers dream about achieving, Grimes seems to be not only writing an ode to his mentor, but a salute to the writing life and all of its good, bad, and ugly. Agent-finding, check. Editor woes, check. Publishing house disappointment, check. What made his disappointments an engrossing read, I'm sad to admit, is that he was marked as a poster child: the six-figure advance, the huge success--surely all that would become his. Until after a couple of bad decisions, including some things that were beyond his control. How does anybody handle such rejection and ridicule? For any memoir, it is that moment, when the writer struggles to engage with the problem at hand, that it becomes authentic.
Was Grimes a failure? Not at all. His first book was written in his twenties and became a New York Times Book Review "Notable Book." Although he counts his second book as a failure, it did go on auction with five publishing houses (though what happened later was devastating). He was a PEN American Center Nelson Algren finalist. He heads up the MFA program of a respected institute. Then again, this struggle with himself and his abilities, is what is buried at the core of Grimes' memoir. This, he is breathtakingly honest about.
I've always wanted to read Frank Conroy's classic memoir, Stop Time after having heard so much about it from mentors and professors in my MFA program. Writing his memoir at a time when memoirs were supposed to be about "the greats" or "accomplished," Conroy entered the scene and proved that literary nonfiction by obscure writers have something to add to the worldly discourse. His memoir seems to be the quintessential creative nonfiction writing student read that I've managed to avoid until now (it is currently on my to-buy list).
What makes Mentor stand out on my bookshelf of creative nonfiction about writing is that Conroy's former student seems to be writing about the writer's life from a darker perspective than that of Hemingway in A Moveable Feast, and he also goes into detail that portrays the stark trajectory. In this sentence for example, when he talks about the editing process for a novel: "I deleted scenes, trimmed sentences, condensed descriptions, collapsed two characters into one." Picture having a conversation with someone who says, "I have good news and bad news, which one do you want first?"
Written with the clarity that most nonfiction writers dream about achieving, Grimes seems to be not only writing an ode to his mentor, but a salute to the writing life and all of its good, bad, and ugly. Agent-finding, check. Editor woes, check. Publishing house disappointment, check. What made his disappointments an engrossing read, I'm sad to admit, is that he was marked as a poster child: the six-figure advance, the huge success--surely all that would become his. Until after a couple of bad decisions, including some things that were beyond his control. How does anybody handle such rejection and ridicule? For any memoir, it is that moment, when the writer struggles to engage with the problem at hand, that it becomes authentic.
I see my narrative's perfect symmetry. I arrived as a potential success. I departed a proven failure. Only, that isn't the meaningful story. The meaningful story is: I arrived fatherless; I departed a son.
Was Grimes a failure? Not at all. His first book was written in his twenties and became a New York Times Book Review "Notable Book." Although he counts his second book as a failure, it did go on auction with five publishing houses (though what happened later was devastating). He was a PEN American Center Nelson Algren finalist. He heads up the MFA program of a respected institute. Then again, this struggle with himself and his abilities, is what is buried at the core of Grimes' memoir. This, he is breathtakingly honest about.
August 25, 2011
I was very moved—and only slightly disheartened—by Tom Grimes' account of his writing life, and how it intersected/was shaped by Frank Conroy. It's not just me... seems all writers flail, cry and scream about their writing!
Tom Grimes is an excellent writer. The fact that his fiction has never reached the heights he'd hoped for as a young man is, perhaps, only a matter of time. If any novelist writes more than one or two phenomenal books in his or her lifetime, it's a path to eternal fame. Perhaps Grimes just hasn't written his yet. But this memoir is extremely well written. In fact, it reads like a novel, perfectly paced with a dramatic episode beginning in Chapter Nineteen. Wow! Deep, personal, moving and refreshingly honest.
Writers and those-who-love-writers should all read this book to help understand the internal pressures of being a serious writer. As he says on page 142, "You don't choose the writer's life; the writer's life chooses you." I think the key is to keep one's expectations balanced with a life outside of the publishing world.
Yeah, good luck with that.
Five Stars, Mr. Grimes.
Tom Grimes is an excellent writer. The fact that his fiction has never reached the heights he'd hoped for as a young man is, perhaps, only a matter of time. If any novelist writes more than one or two phenomenal books in his or her lifetime, it's a path to eternal fame. Perhaps Grimes just hasn't written his yet. But this memoir is extremely well written. In fact, it reads like a novel, perfectly paced with a dramatic episode beginning in Chapter Nineteen. Wow! Deep, personal, moving and refreshingly honest.
Writers and those-who-love-writers should all read this book to help understand the internal pressures of being a serious writer. As he says on page 142, "You don't choose the writer's life; the writer's life chooses you." I think the key is to keep one's expectations balanced with a life outside of the publishing world.
Yeah, good luck with that.
Five Stars, Mr. Grimes.
August 22, 2010
This a memoir about that awful, wonderful, scary, magical journey that every author wants to take, the one that puts them in a place that when someone says "What do you do?" they can answer, "I'm a writer" without any fear of a followup question. Tom Grimes put in the hours, he did the revisions, he wrote and wrote and wrote. But still, it was a combination of good timing and talent that got him published. That's not great to hear if you're trying to make it as a published author, but at least Grimes is honest. Frank Conroy liked Grimes' work and was in a position to make things happen for him. Grimes never asks himself the question, "What if Frank had never saw my application?", something that could have happened very easily given the process to get into the Iowa Writer's Workshop. This is not a story about failure, so why look at what might have been? It's the story of more than getting by with a little help from a friend, it's about about one friend helping anouther's dreams come true.
July 8, 2013
Great account of a writer's life! Rings true from start to finish.
October 14, 2017
An astonishing accomplishment. In this luminescent memoir, Tom Grimes peers into his own heart of darkness and stares down his own demons while simultaneously paying homage to his mentor and dear friend, Frank Conroy.
His writing is grounded yet elevated, refined without being pretentious, and deeply emotional without being maudlin or overwrought. This is a memoir for the ages that speaks to existential emptiness and the search for meaning seen through the eyes of one man who finally recognizes himself as a writer in the mirror of his own writing.
Enough with the psycho-analysing.
This is a beautifully written book that kept me turning the pages to find out what would happen next. After I finished it, I wanted to thank the author for both writing and sharing this book. It really spoke to me at many levels.
His writing is grounded yet elevated, refined without being pretentious, and deeply emotional without being maudlin or overwrought. This is a memoir for the ages that speaks to existential emptiness and the search for meaning seen through the eyes of one man who finally recognizes himself as a writer in the mirror of his own writing.
Enough with the psycho-analysing.
This is a beautifully written book that kept me turning the pages to find out what would happen next. After I finished it, I wanted to thank the author for both writing and sharing this book. It really spoke to me at many levels.
May 14, 2023
A must read for any writer who is wondering if you’re alone in your anxiety.
Spoiler: you aren’t.
Spoiler: you aren’t.
July 14, 2011
Tom Grimes never made a huge career out of writing. He has published a few mediocre novels with a handful of good reviews by renowned publications. After years of wishing to drink with the “big wigs” of the literary world, Grimes enrolled in the MFA program at University of Iowa. Soon after, he was hanging at the local bar with famed literary mogul Frank Conroy, the program director that personally accepted Grimes into the workshop.
Many writers have been writing memoirs on their writing endeavors such as Stephen King (On Writing), Anne Lamott (Bird by Bird), Joyce Carol Oates (The Faith of a Writer), and Ray Bradbury (Zen and the Art of Writing), but none have taken the time to really home in on their honesty and humiliation. Grimes writes: “The clumsiness of my prose stunned me. Why would anyone want to publish my novel? I felt ashamed to have it attached to my name” (67).
There is not one writer that can admit that he or she is entirely thrilled with everything he or she has written. In fact, I try to publish more recent work so when one Googles my name the atrocity I have produced in junior college doesn’t show up until pages later. (Yes, I Google my name, but only because people have published the horror zine my friend and I edit online for free.) But it’s refreshing to see Grimes write what all writers think. It gets lonely at that L-shaped desk with just a glass of tea spiked with Jameson and a small light you got in third grade and keep because it’s kitsch. We forget that there are people like us—people that stress over sentences, people that cancel plans with friends to stay in and craft the finest sentences or obsess over a paragraph, people that love words more than themselves. And because of Grimes’ memoir we are reminded not just that there really are other writers, but that the task is extraneous and daunting.
Throughout the memoir, Grimes writes that he constantly sought approval and refuge in Conroy, his friend-mentor. Although some writers may not have a writing mentor, they can identify with Grimes’ “puppy dog syndrome” from publishers and readers. We just want someone to love us. Mentor is less of a success story about writing than it is about friendship. The memoir has been getting rave reviews. Grimes never gave up and has found the piece that will define his career.
Many writers have been writing memoirs on their writing endeavors such as Stephen King (On Writing), Anne Lamott (Bird by Bird), Joyce Carol Oates (The Faith of a Writer), and Ray Bradbury (Zen and the Art of Writing), but none have taken the time to really home in on their honesty and humiliation. Grimes writes: “The clumsiness of my prose stunned me. Why would anyone want to publish my novel? I felt ashamed to have it attached to my name” (67).
There is not one writer that can admit that he or she is entirely thrilled with everything he or she has written. In fact, I try to publish more recent work so when one Googles my name the atrocity I have produced in junior college doesn’t show up until pages later. (Yes, I Google my name, but only because people have published the horror zine my friend and I edit online for free.) But it’s refreshing to see Grimes write what all writers think. It gets lonely at that L-shaped desk with just a glass of tea spiked with Jameson and a small light you got in third grade and keep because it’s kitsch. We forget that there are people like us—people that stress over sentences, people that cancel plans with friends to stay in and craft the finest sentences or obsess over a paragraph, people that love words more than themselves. And because of Grimes’ memoir we are reminded not just that there really are other writers, but that the task is extraneous and daunting.
Throughout the memoir, Grimes writes that he constantly sought approval and refuge in Conroy, his friend-mentor. Although some writers may not have a writing mentor, they can identify with Grimes’ “puppy dog syndrome” from publishers and readers. We just want someone to love us. Mentor is less of a success story about writing than it is about friendship. The memoir has been getting rave reviews. Grimes never gave up and has found the piece that will define his career.
May 3, 2016
This is an odd book. At its best, it's a peek into the famed Iowa Writer's Workshop and the life Frank Conroy settled into after his initial fame with Stop-Time. At its worst, it's a confessional memoir by a student who should have been old enough to traverse the territory he was graced with in a more, well, graceful way. No one held a gun to his head and said, "You must write." I don't care what anyone says (myself included, when I speak of my own destiny)-this is always a choice. His relationship with Conroy, which had both depth and longevity, is another element of the book I enjoyed - for the most part. It did strike me as absolutely unconscionable that Conroy would weave a spell over his student by insisting he'd receive a six-figure advance and then not insist on being part of the negotiations.
For any writer hoping to be published, there were plenty of gems about the inside workings of the industry, though things may have shifted quite a bit since Grimes's first experience with publishing and that is what he writes about primarily. I'm glad he ended up where he did but understand why the fame he sought eluded him.
For any writer hoping to be published, there were plenty of gems about the inside workings of the industry, though things may have shifted quite a bit since Grimes's first experience with publishing and that is what he writes about primarily. I'm glad he ended up where he did but understand why the fame he sought eluded him.
August 22, 2010
I received this book from Goodreads.
Although this is a wonderful memoir about the author's relationship with Frank Conroy and the Iowa Writer's Workshop, it is much more than that.
Mr. Grimes is certainly writing at his best when he describes, in great detail, his sister's suicide attempts and her subsequent loss of self. He succeeds as well in plumbing his own descent into mania with some of the best written pages in this book.
Altogether this is an enlightening book on the conception, gestation and birth of a novel from a published writer's point of view.
I found this an absorbing read and I was touched by Frank and Tom's deep and important relationship with each other.
On my next "to read" list, I have added Stop-Time and Season's End, so that I may visit these author's works for the first time for Mr. Conroy and the second time for Mr. Grimes.
Although this is a wonderful memoir about the author's relationship with Frank Conroy and the Iowa Writer's Workshop, it is much more than that.
Mr. Grimes is certainly writing at his best when he describes, in great detail, his sister's suicide attempts and her subsequent loss of self. He succeeds as well in plumbing his own descent into mania with some of the best written pages in this book.
Altogether this is an enlightening book on the conception, gestation and birth of a novel from a published writer's point of view.
I found this an absorbing read and I was touched by Frank and Tom's deep and important relationship with each other.
On my next "to read" list, I have added Stop-Time and Season's End, so that I may visit these author's works for the first time for Mr. Conroy and the second time for Mr. Grimes.
October 19, 2010
Excellent novel! An honest look into one man's journey to becoming/accepting his fate as a writer, mixed with his fascinating relationship with his mentor and surrogate father figure. Well worth the time spent to read, and a worthy choice for anyone interested in becoming a writer - a truly monumental task at times.
To quote - "In the end, my memoir about Frank is a memoir about me. By writing about Frank, I could no longer turn away from myself, which is what I've done all of my life."
I can say I am now interested in reading a Frank Conroy masterpiece...
Disclosure - won this book through Goodreads First Reads.
To quote - "In the end, my memoir about Frank is a memoir about me. By writing about Frank, I could no longer turn away from myself, which is what I've done all of my life."
I can say I am now interested in reading a Frank Conroy masterpiece...
Disclosure - won this book through Goodreads First Reads.
May 5, 2010
One of the most honest books I've ever read. Mentor isn't actually about Frank Conroy; rather, it's about Grimes's writing life, which is fascinating. I hope Grimes writes a dozen more works of nonfiction. I want to read about everything that's happened to him--his childhood, his marriage, his teenage years, the whole nine.
January 19, 2013
A book that I may be predisposed to find interesting due to all the various personal connections I have to it. Full discussion/review here:
http://bookfightpod.com/2012/09/10/ep...
http://bookfightpod.com/2012/09/10/ep...
August 12, 2010
Touching story about the influence Frank Conroy had on Tom Grimes whom he met at the Iowa Workshop. A little sad. But it's memoir, about writers, so of course it is.
June 22, 2021
I came across Mentor while reading Stop-Time, the acclaimed memoir by Frank Conroy, who is best known for that book and for being the longtime director of the Iowa Writers Workshop. T.C. Boyle touted the work as a “poignant and beautiful book” that provided “one of the truest accounts of a writer’s life – of two writers’ lives – I’ve ever seen.” As someone who finds reading about writing easier than actually writing, I couldn’t resist.
More than once in my wayward life a caring teacher pointed me in the right direction. A community college instructor told me I could write and recommended me for a job that paid my education. A newspaper photographer who taught part time at the state university urged me to be a photojournalist. A famous documentary photographer extended her hand and pulled me from the hole in which I’d fallen. So, I was drawn to this story about the initiation, development and eventual symbiosis of the relationship between Grimes, a young novelist-to-be who is accepted into the Writers Workshop, and Conroy.
For the most part Mentor fulfills Boyle’s praise, especially when Grimes focuses on his filial need for Conroy’s blessing, and Conroy’s reciprocal shamanic effect on him, a dynamic that occupies most of the pages. In later sections, Grimes wanders into less compelling memories about a period of paranoia and fuzzy consideration of the circumstantial randomness of life.
Still, there is much to recommend to those who can be satisfied with a book that devotes forty percent of its carefully chosen words to the joys, tortures and mechanics of writing, another forty percent to the emotional complications of a friendship born of double-edged need, and the final twenty percent to mental meanderings.
Grimes, who became the director of an MFA writing program in San Marcos, Texas, is, by his admission, a failed writer. He never wrote the book he wanted to write. “I’m a failure as a writer,” he says, “because I’ve overreached; my ambition was larger than my talent.”
It’s not an easy thing, speaking truth to that face in the mirror after a lifetime of desire and work. The sort of honesty, the authentic truthfulness nourished by the dust of diminished dreams, is seeded throughout Mentor. Grimes invites the reader to accompany him in his journey from waiter to would-be-boy-wonder, from acolyte to friend, from companion to eulogizer.
Writing at age 54, the same age of Conroy when the two met, Grimes is able to defog the mirror of his past and see how he allowed himself to fall, beneficially as it turns out, under Conroy’s spell:
“... Over time it became clear to me that my confidence had all along been Frank’s confidence. So deeply had I sought his approval that I never questioned my judgment. I had been able to separate my need for Frank’s affection from my need to look at my novel as objectively as possible. Which is why it’s taken me twenty years to understand that our unexpected friendship, rather than my novel, was the real work of art.”
Read it if you like to write, read it if you wonder about the mysteries of writing, read it if you’ve ever failed at anything you love.
More than once in my wayward life a caring teacher pointed me in the right direction. A community college instructor told me I could write and recommended me for a job that paid my education. A newspaper photographer who taught part time at the state university urged me to be a photojournalist. A famous documentary photographer extended her hand and pulled me from the hole in which I’d fallen. So, I was drawn to this story about the initiation, development and eventual symbiosis of the relationship between Grimes, a young novelist-to-be who is accepted into the Writers Workshop, and Conroy.
For the most part Mentor fulfills Boyle’s praise, especially when Grimes focuses on his filial need for Conroy’s blessing, and Conroy’s reciprocal shamanic effect on him, a dynamic that occupies most of the pages. In later sections, Grimes wanders into less compelling memories about a period of paranoia and fuzzy consideration of the circumstantial randomness of life.
Still, there is much to recommend to those who can be satisfied with a book that devotes forty percent of its carefully chosen words to the joys, tortures and mechanics of writing, another forty percent to the emotional complications of a friendship born of double-edged need, and the final twenty percent to mental meanderings.
Grimes, who became the director of an MFA writing program in San Marcos, Texas, is, by his admission, a failed writer. He never wrote the book he wanted to write. “I’m a failure as a writer,” he says, “because I’ve overreached; my ambition was larger than my talent.”
It’s not an easy thing, speaking truth to that face in the mirror after a lifetime of desire and work. The sort of honesty, the authentic truthfulness nourished by the dust of diminished dreams, is seeded throughout Mentor. Grimes invites the reader to accompany him in his journey from waiter to would-be-boy-wonder, from acolyte to friend, from companion to eulogizer.
Writing at age 54, the same age of Conroy when the two met, Grimes is able to defog the mirror of his past and see how he allowed himself to fall, beneficially as it turns out, under Conroy’s spell:
“... Over time it became clear to me that my confidence had all along been Frank’s confidence. So deeply had I sought his approval that I never questioned my judgment. I had been able to separate my need for Frank’s affection from my need to look at my novel as objectively as possible. Which is why it’s taken me twenty years to understand that our unexpected friendship, rather than my novel, was the real work of art.”
Read it if you like to write, read it if you wonder about the mysteries of writing, read it if you’ve ever failed at anything you love.
April 11, 2018
An interesting literary memoir about the Iowa Writer’s Workshop, the author’s relationship with Frank Conroy (the mentor of the title), and life as a published but not spectacularly successful author. Much of the memoir, at least the parts I best recall, is about the novel that Grimes writes in the workshop, Season’s End. Conroy admires the book and is instrumental in its finding a publisher, and, as I recall, it gets good reviews, but Grimes finds that getting readers to actually pick up the novel is a hard sell: many, including close acquaintances of the author, classify it as “a baseball book” and are not interested. Grimes makes the point, both in his own words and those of others, that the novel deals with universal themes well beyond the world of baseball, but the potential audience never seems convinced to look beyond the subject matter.
October 7, 2022
It's fine.
Tom Grimes' writing is fine. The story about his time as an MFA student at the University of Iowa is fine.
Everything is fine. There's nothing I can put my finger on and say, "This is why I didn't connect with Mentor." Grimes did everything exactly as he should have. I just didn't connect with his story. Sometimes that happens.
What I found most interesting was the inside look at the publishing world of the late 80s/early 90s. Grimes does a great job of creating a literary time capsule.
The heart of Grimes' novel is his relationship with Frank Conroy, his MFA mentor. Grimes' description of their relationship is tender and heartfelt.
I would have likely enjoyed Mentor more if I had time to savor it. Because it was assigned reading, I had to rush through the book, reading between other assignments.
Such is life.
Tom Grimes' writing is fine. The story about his time as an MFA student at the University of Iowa is fine.
Everything is fine. There's nothing I can put my finger on and say, "This is why I didn't connect with Mentor." Grimes did everything exactly as he should have. I just didn't connect with his story. Sometimes that happens.
What I found most interesting was the inside look at the publishing world of the late 80s/early 90s. Grimes does a great job of creating a literary time capsule.
The heart of Grimes' novel is his relationship with Frank Conroy, his MFA mentor. Grimes' description of their relationship is tender and heartfelt.
I would have likely enjoyed Mentor more if I had time to savor it. Because it was assigned reading, I had to rush through the book, reading between other assignments.
Such is life.
July 16, 2017
I came to this book with low expectations--didn't go to Iowa, never met or even read any Conroy, don't care much about him. But this book is bafflingly clumsy. Maybe its subject is still too close and painful for the author, but, the subject is a teacher, and by extension the author's own sense of himself as a writer. Scenes read like a caricature of writers' lives by someone who has never met a writer. This book's main strength is as a study of how we let our teachers, our "mentors," manipulate us, with or without our blessing.
July 7, 2023
Description at its finest. Words that blend effortlessly. As much as I enjoyed the illustrative flow, halfway through the book I found myself bored. What began as a journey of writing a novel turned into a bit of a snooze as the author tells (in great and much detail) his process of writing a book, and its emotional toll. The story includes some personal details of his sister, which, it seems, could be another book in itself. Love the vivid writing, not so much the story itself.
August 7, 2022
I rank this one up there with Truth and Beauty. It is a writer’s memoir about writers living the writing life. It is a painful life, but a necessary life for those afflicted.
Frank Conroy and Tom Grimes each seem like people I’d like as friends, although I doubt I could keep up with the drinking. Maybe I can approach the writing, even if I can’t “keep up” with it.
Frank Conroy and Tom Grimes each seem like people I’d like as friends, although I doubt I could keep up with the drinking. Maybe I can approach the writing, even if I can’t “keep up” with it.
October 27, 2017
I had to read this book for a class, and honestly it wasn’t terrible. I thought it was interesting to get a writers perspective on the whole writing process. Clearly Tom is in love with Frank which great. Wonderful. I won’t read this again.
April 26, 2018
This is an interesting look at one writer's relationship with another writer, and at the publishing industry. As a University of Iowa graduate myself, I love hearing about Iowa City in any book, and I am still impressed by the list of writers who have attended the workshop over the years.
February 27, 2021
The way my brain works, I was sure a memoir entitled "Mentor" would be about the disenchantment and disappointment caused by a mentor who was slowly revealed to be pure evil. Nothing of the kind! It is a very genuine and loving homage to Frank Conroy. I always like reading about writers.
July 18, 2017
3.5 stars
March 14, 2018
Beautiful book, loved it!
September 1, 2019
A moving memoir and inside look at the writing life.
December 24, 2022
Count yourself lucky if you ever love a book as much as I love this one. Required reading for anyone who writes, teaches writing or simply wants to write.
November 1, 2025
Beautiful and gritty description of the writing life. For fans of On Writing & A Moveable Feast.
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