If I Tell

by Gill Perdue

'An incredible read, impossible to put down' ANDREA MARA

'Utterly immersive and brilliantly told' IRISH INDEPENDENT
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A girl covered in blood. Her missing stepfather. Two detectives racing against time.

Laura is her team's top interviewer, an expert at finding the 'in' with victims that helps crack the case.

Niamh is her straight-talking partner who is noticing cracks in her mentor's careful facade.

Jenny is the 14-year-old assault victim found bloody and confused on a suburban street. They need answers, and fast. But Jenny seems terrified to tell them the truth.

And as the pair try to reach her, Laura begins to lose herself in memories of her own shattering trauma, leading to a mistake that could have fatal consequences . . .

First published as THE INTERVIEW
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'Thrilling and utterly compulsive' LIZ NUGENT

'Propulsive' RTÉ GUIDE

'An incredible read, impossible to put down. Gill Perdue is a fresh, assured new voice' ANDREA MARA

'Daringly dark and packs a huge emotional punch - an exceptional crime debut that lingers in the memory long after the last page' CATHERINE RYAN HOWARD

'Great, great, great - I am giving it a lot of love...read this one!' RYAN TUBRIDY

'Incredible storytelling' ARLENE HUNT

'Terrific . . . a powerful blend of police procedural, fantasy and domestic noir' IRISH TIMES

'Haunting and hypnotic' PATRICIA GIBNEY

'An intense, emotional and utterly compelling narrative' JAKE ARNOTT

Genres: Crime, Thriller

366 pages, Kindle Edition

Published February 16, 2023

About the author

Gill Perdue is the author of If I Tell (previously published as The Interview), the first in the Laura Shaw series of Crime novels published by Penguin, set in the fictional Dublin suburb of Clonchapel. She also writes for children. Her first children’s novel, Adam’s Starling, won a Bisto Award (the Eilís Dillon Memorial) for that year.

A primary school teacher by training, Gill worked for many years in Tallaght and other schools in south Dublin, and this experience informed and inspired her earliest writings, as did her work on a children’s helpline. A lifelong love of dance and music saw her train separately as a dance teacher, and for many years Gill has been teaching Ballet and Modern in a busy school in Rathfarnham.

She is drawn to the exploration of the domestic, behind the façade presented by adults and even very young children, reflecting the real experiences of living in a world where the best and worst of what it means to be human exist side by side.

Gill lives in Rathfarnham with Kevin and Angus (one of these is a dog). They have two adult daughters, one living in London and one recently returned to live here. Inky and Dusty - a pair of disapproving rescue cats - complete the picture.

Reviews

[Sian R Books · Rating 3 out of 5]

Firstly and mainly I highly stress that you check the trigger warnings for this book before reading.

This was definitely a slow burner and I had to stop reading a few times due to the storyline being very dark. But towards the end I became really engrossed in the story. You eventually find out what really happened.

I thought the characters were written well along with the storyline. It was tough to read what Jenny had gone through and when she starts to remember what really happened that awful night.

It’s very hard hitting and intense but it covers important topics and it gives you a glimpse of what trauma can cause to somebody. I also think it’s a gentle reminder for people to seek help and to talk.

It’s definitely an intense and emotional this read.

[Georgina Reads_Eats_Explores · Rating 4 out of 5]

If I Tell had me gripped from page one, I had it finished in just over 24 hours and my heart’s still not right.

When 14-year-old Jenny is found bloodied and silent on a quiet Dublin road, SVI Detectives Laura and Niamh are called in. Jenny won’t talk, and her stepfather is missing. Her mother and little brother are in the ICU. What happened? And who, really, is the victim?

Told from all three perspectives—Laura, Niamh, and Jenny—the story is layered with confusion, trauma, and slow-burning dread. Jenny’s narration is fragile, possibly fractured. Her account is hard to trust.

Laura, just back from extended maternity leave, is barely keeping it together. As she pushes Jenny to speak, she’s forced to confront memories she’s tried hard to bury. And Niamh, ever observant, is starting to notice her mentor is unravelling.

If I Tell is a masterclass in pacing, tension, and emotional depth. Short, propulsive chapters keep things moving, but this is no easy read. Themes of abuse, silence, and power run deep, and Perdue handles them with care and compassion.

There’s a hopeful thread woven through, but it’s dark going. The real strength here is in the grey areas: when narrators are unreliable, when justice isn’t clear-cut, when trauma distorts memory.

At its core, this story is about the silence surrounding abuse and how desperately we need to break it. Jenny’s voice (or lack of one) is central. What happens when every adult around fails a child? It’s a sobering reminder that silence protects abusers and that courage, even whispered, can begin to shatter the cycle.

A hard but essential read. One of the strongest Irish crime debuts I’ve read in years: devastating, thoughtful, and utterly unputdownable. Highly recommend!

[Orla O'kennedy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this gripping read of what unfortunately can happen behind closed doors.

[Linz · Rating 1 out of 5]

I found this incredibly slow moving. I struggled to halfway and still couldn’t tell you what had happened to any of the mundane characters.

[Melanie Issott · Rating 1 out of 5]

Truly awful

[Janet · Rating 1 out of 5]

Dnf ..gave up after 50 pages , too slow, and didn't hold my interest.

[Chloe Boyd · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF

[scottiesandbooks · Rating 4 out of 5]

“I think about women getting killed when they decide to leave him, or when he decides to kill himself and wants to take her with him. Women killed for infidelity or burning the toast. Women killed for wearing the wrong clothes or for confronting him. Women killed for no reason at all.”

This is a crime novel set to break the mould! Here is a book series with a woman police duo at the helm; just what I needed. A crime novel that deals with extremely important and hard topics, yet without shying away from the hard truths. The level of depth of character is often unheard of in crime/thriller novels yet Gill gives us time with each character individually letting us see their deepest darkest thoughts and feelings.

The story is told from the point of view of three females; Jenny, Laura and Niamh. Each given their chance to tell their story. I fell in love with all three for very different reasons and although there was an element of mystery there was also a feeling of truth and exposure when reading.

This book is full of triggers and so I would suggest that you look these up prior to reading. The author has given such a thoughtful and sensitive note at the start which helps to really put you at ease before going into the story. This isn’t something she hasn’t went into lightly, being aware that someone with lived experience of trauma may pick this up.

I loved the abundance of issues the author covers in the novel, yet without losing the entertainment factor AND still giving the time needed to each issue. I especially “enjoyed” delving into the world of anxiety, how it can change the way we operate in our every day lives and highlighting the fact that even those who are our protectors can suffer in silence. This added with the layer of new motherhood is something I’m sure many will relate to; seeing so many issues that are never talked about due to shame.

Childhood trauma and sexual abuse as-well as grief are also a huge part of the story, which has been covered with care and compassion. I appreciate the amount of research the author has clearly put in and the amount of advice she has sought along the way. The questions around the justice system, how rape victims are treated and even around forgiveness really made for a thought provoking read.

I could go on all night but lastly….. I loved the fact that Irish mythology and folklore managed to feature in the novel. I also loved the odd Irish saying, cultural reference and name being a part of the story. As someone who feels the authenticity of her own country when these things are added to the story it was really great to see.

All in all a terrific read; but beware the triggers.

[Clair Atkins · Rating 3 out of 5]

In If I Tell we hear from 3 characters. 14 year old Jenny is being held in a psychiatric unit after being found alone, very cold and covered in blood. Her mum and younger brother are in a critical condition in hospital after a car crash and her step-father Stuart is missing. The narrative is disconcerting – Jenny’s thoughts jump around a lot and it isn’t until later in the book that her jumbled thoughts start to make sense and we get an understanding of what has happened to her.
Laura is the lead detective, specialising in interviewing distressed witnesses but she is off her game. She has a young daughter whom she loves dearly and a husband Matt who she seems constantly irritated by and together they juggle the care of their daughter around demanding jobs. Laura constantly has dark thoughts about what might happen to her daughter when she is not there. Will she knocked down, drown or be kidnapped? She is also reliving the anniversary of her mother’s death and has just found out a friend has died. She is on the edge and her colleague and mentee Niamh is worried for her.
While Laura does the interview with Jenny in the correct way, Niamh’s approach is more casual and between the two of them they gradually start to understand what happened to Jenny. Niamh is a good friend to Laura, covering for her mistakes at work and taking her for a night out to try and get to the bottom of what is going on.
What I liked about this book is that Jenny’s thoughts become clearer as the book progresses and it is almost as if the interview techniques make her thoughts less jumbled. It takes place over a relatively short space of time and the police are in a race to find out what happened to Jenny’s step-father. It is a difficult read in places because of the themes covered but I was as desperate as Laura and Niamh to find out what had happened to Jenny. I was thrilled to find out that a second book is due out featuring Laura and Niamh as I felt there was more to hear from these characters. When They See Me is due out 1 June 2023.
There are some dark themes in this book including rape, domestic abuse and child abuse so if these themes that disturb you then this book is not for you.

[Janaya Kabamba · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was previously released as "The Interview" last year

This was not what I was expecting by any means. Its a really dark and disturbing story and possibly needs more trigger warnings? It is really well written and pretty heartbreaking to be honest. I found it quite hard to get through. There are a few twists and turns and it does keep a good pace and it just have a really suspenseful and really ominous feel to it the whole way through.

[Amber-Louise · Rating 5 out of 5]

Book was very good from start to end. There are definitely a lot of trigger warnings in the book, including domestic abuse, sexual assault & rape so do be very careful before you start reading. There are also some slight mentions of self-harm and suicide from the mid to end of the book.

I definitely expected a dark ending to this book, however I am very happy with the outcome and cannot wait to read the sequel!!

[Fleury · Rating 1 out of 5]

I thought that this book had fairly good potential but it was waaaaaaaay too vague for me.
I really struggled with this book.
It wasn't until the very end that you find out what happened to the different characters.
Had to feel extremely sorry for poor Jenny, she had an extraordinarily difficult trauma I'm the middle of her teenage years.
All I can hope is that the next book I read by Gill Perdue is a lot better.

[Nora Quigley · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enjoyed this intense book and the how story unfolds from 3 main characters Jenny, the 14 year old, Laura and Niamh, the 2 detectives.

[Renita D'Silva · Rating 4 out of 5]

Poignant

[Ann-Marie Kelling · Rating 4 out of 5]

Loved this gripping thriller, had me hook from the very start. Please check the trigger warnings before reading.

[Shona Garry · Rating 3 out of 5]

A well written, gripping book. I did struggle to read at some points due to the hard subjects which this covers.

[Sophie Gamble · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very slow at the beginning. Gets better towards the end. The topics in the book are hard to read about but I think they did a good job with it.

[Anne Stewart · Rating 2 out of 5]

Subject matter was hard. Given to me as a pressie. Didn’t warm to characters

[Laura Byrne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gill Perdue's 'The Interview,' also published as 'If I Tell,' is a five-star masterpiece that seamlessly weaves together the lives of three deeply complex characters in a narrative that is both disconcerting and utterly engrossing.

The story unfolds through the eyes of 14-year-old Jenny, who is found alone, cold, and covered in blood in a psychiatric unit. As her thoughts jump around, Perdue skillfully unravels the layers of Jenny's trauma, making her disjointed narrative progressively clearer. The race against time to uncover the truth about Jenny's stepfather, Stuart, adds a palpable tension that keeps readers on the edge of their seats.

Detective Laura Shaw, specialising in interviewing distressed witnesses, is the linchpin of the investigation. Battling her own demons, from the fear of tragedy befalling her daughter to personal losses and dark thoughts, Laura's character is portrayed with a depth that adds emotional weight to the narrative. Her mentee, Niamh, provides a counterbalance with a more casual approach, forming a dynamic duo that gradually uncovers the disturbing truth behind Jenny's ordeal.

The writing in 'The Interview' is nothing short of excellent, displaying sensitivity, intelligence, and even humor despite the dark subject matter. Perdue handles themes of rape, domestic abuse, and child abuse with utmost care, creating a story that is both thought-provoking and emotionally charged.

The interaction between Laura and Niamh adds another layer to the narrative, elevating the story beyond a typical crime thriller. Their unique approaches to the interview process contribute to the book's depth, making it a truly immersive experience.

As the characters grapple with personal traumas and hidden secrets, Perdue skillfully peels back the layers, revealing the impact of long and short-term trauma. The inclusion of Jenny on an adult psychiatric ward, surrounded by elderly patients with dementia, adds a poignant and thought-provoking dimension to the narrative.

'If I Tell' is a disturbing yet superbly crafted debut novel by Gill Perdue, addressing the effects of trauma with sensitivity and responsibility. It's an engrossing read that will stay with you long after the final page.

[Rachel · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is the equivalent of ‘car-crash television’ – something so horrible you can’t look away. I mean, you can – and probably should, if you’re in a vulnerable mental state. There is something squeamishly enjoyable about experiencing such gory and upsetting stories at a safe remove, though. In some ways this is the point of fiction.

Perdue doesn’t do a bad job of documenting Jenny’s fractured mentation in the face of her accumulated traumas. There’s also the ‘did she/didn’t she’ question about whether she attacked Stuart, whether Stuart is alive, and whether she’s a reliable narrator about any of it. On this last Perdue doesn’t push hard – after all, that would literally make this yet another story about lying women, and there’s enough inserted soapboxing to make it clear that Perdue is not about that life. Still, there’s tension and propulsion, but in the end Laura’s actions really are unspeakably inappropriate. Great that she got sanctioned, but she probably SHOULDN’T be working in this area again afterwards.

Something I found in the Jane Casey books as well is the weird blindspot when it comes to class relations. In general, people who are from very rich areas of Dublin do not intermarry with anyone else. This is noted by everyone who not only moves to Dublin from the country but even by people from less fancy areas of Dublin. So – the rugby-playing finance bro is NOT going to marry a female Guard, actually. Police and teachers are the lowest rung of professionals, and for that reason marry each other. It’s not that I don’t want to see descriptions of the exceptions to this very obvious fact, but I want it acknowledged that it’s unusual and why ‘Justy’ might be a bit narked by it.

[Shutki Crew · Rating 5 out of 5]

If I Tell by Gill Perdue is a powerful, emotionally charged novel that stays with you long after the last page. Perdue does an exceptional job capturing the inner workings of Jenny’s mind—watching her thought process evolve and her clarity sharpen was one of the book’s many strengths.

Laura's character is equally compelling. Her portrayal as a mother struggling with postnatal anxiety and OCD is painfully honest and incredibly well-written. It highlights just how difficult it can be to seek help and how quickly things can spiral. It’s a rare, nuanced depiction that feels real and relatable, especially for those familiar with the emotional toll of motherhood.

The alternating points of view were a great choice, adding depth to an already rich narrative. The subject matter—rape, paedophilia, abuse—is undeniably heavy, which makes it hard to binge-read, but the writing is so good, you find yourself drawn in anyway.

The final chapters were intense and utterly gripping. I adored Niamh and thought the story wrapped up in a satisfying way, without shying away from its darker themes. I’m already looking forward to diving into the sequel.

[Claire · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5

[Tara Russell · Rating 4 out of 5]

Dark, compelling, disturbing, sensitive and engrossing.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great read! An intelligent police drama that untangles the knots that trauma ties the young victim, Jenny, up in. Little by little, as the two police detectives interview her, the story unravels but not without uncovering other hidden traumas. The relationship between the two detectives is realistic and their very different characters deepens the story and allows us to understand the psychological impacts as well as the criminal ones.
A great story, well told and well written!

[Andy – And The Plot Thickens · Rating 3 out of 5]

Tick. Silence. Repeat. Don't. Tell. I am not telling. Not chatting.

Trigger warnings: domestic abuse, sexual assault

When 14-year-old Jenny is found full of blood next to the side of the road in Dublin, two officers, Laura and Niamh are sent to interview her. But Jenny isn't talking. A medical exam has shown multiple injuries, both old and new, and signs of rape. Jenny's mom and younger brother are in ICU in the same hospital, after being found in a car nearby, while Jenny's stepfather, Stuart, is missing. It's up to Laura and Niamh to found out what happened.

The story is told from all three main characters' points of view, and the details of Jenny's life are revealed slowly as the book progresses, although at points, it's easy to infer what may have happened. Laura, who's just returned to work after taking extended maternity leave, is damaged herself. She's struggling to remain calm and patient, as Jenny's experiences begin drudging up things she'd rather forget.

This book is VERY heavy and quite bleak, despite ending on a hopeful note. The main moral of the story (no spoiler here), is that it's important to talk about abuse to end the cycle. But as the story illustrates, this is extremely difficult, particularly when you're a child and you feel abandoned by adults meant to protect you and by society at large. The book contains graphic violence and some scenes I either skipped or skimmed because I just felt like I couldn't take any more of it. I think this kind of book is important, but I'm not sure I could read something on this subject matter again for some time to come...

[Sabrina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gill Perdue's debut novel ticked all the boxes for me. Its a fast paced crime novel that I found hard to put down.

Jenny is 14 years old, and is found on the street dazed and covered in blood. Her mother and younger brother are both in the hospital with injuries and her stepfather is missing. Who's blood is Jenny covered in? What happened to them? Where is her Stepfather Stuart?

Laura, the lead detective in the SVI, is given the task of interviewing Jenny but Laura has her own issues which have bubbled to the surface since giving birth to her daughter Katie. Laura's own personal trauma makes it so much harder to interview Jenny.

Niamh is Laura's friend and partner in the SVI. Niamh can see that Laura is unravelling. She knows that something isn't right and is caught between looking out for her friend, and ensuring that the correct protocol and professionalism is upheld when dealing with Jenny.

This book comes with all the trigger warnings. Sexual abuse, rape, domestic abuse, violence. All of which are highlighted by the author at the start of the book, and all of which are dealt with as sensitively as possible

Formerly published as 'The Interview'. This was originally written as a stand alone book, but has now been re published as book 1 in the Shaw and Darmody series, and Im delighted that book 2 will feature Laura, and Niamh again.

Gill's 2nd novel 'When they see me' is out in June, and I've already pre ordered it.

If you like a good crime novel, then this is worth the read.

[Kelly Ann · Rating 3 out of 5]

Thank you to NetGalley and Penguin UK Books for this advanced copy of If I Tell by Gill Perdue, which has also been previously published under the title The Interview. Before I delve into what I thought, if you're thinking of picking this up please, please, please look up trigger warnings. There is some very intense and upsetting content that some could find unsettling/uncomfortable. That aside, here's what I thought!

Straight away, the premise sounded very intriguing and mysterious. As a fan of dark books, I was looking forward to diving in. The first thing that stood out was that this book was a slow, slow burn. That tends to work well in this genre but unfortunately I felt this dragged on quite a bit. I didn't gel with the story as much as I thought either which was also unfortunate. The multiple POVs was a great element as we got to see the three main characters separately, allowing each person to have their own distinct personality. I was pleasantly surprised that the story was set in Ireland, and as a fellow country gal I really enjoyed Niamh's chapters!

All in all, If I Tell is a dark, slow burn. Although it wasn't for me, I can see it being very popular and enjoyed by many!

* Please research any trigger warnings before reading *

[Dawn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Garda Laura Shaw is assigned to the case of a 14 year old, Jenny, who has been admitted to hospital after she has been found unconscious. Jenny had clearly been through hell, she is traumatised and psychotic. Laura has to try and unlock Jenny’s memories and find out what’s happened to her but Laura has her own issues which are clouding her judgement.
This was such a gripping read and I spent the day immersed in it. For a debut novel it was brilliant and I expect will be well received. Thank you to netgalley and the publishers for this arc in exchange for my honest review.

[Kena · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found If I Tell by Gill Perdue very intense and found it quite a challenging read as I found it quite disturbing. It took me a long time to finish the book as I kept having breaks away to read other books. It think perhaps the book was a little too dark for me and took me out of my comfort zone.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publishers Penguin for making this book available to me in exchange for a fair and honest review.

[Alan Gorevan · Rating 5 out of 5]

A harrowing tale of two specialist victim interviewers attempting to coax the truth from a difficult young witness who was found covered in blood. A man is missing but hospital-bound Jenny is determined not to reveal anything to the police. When she does talk it’s in the form of fairytales. Meanwhile, one of the interviewers is having her own trauma brought vividly back to her by this case. A tangled web that keeps you guessing until the dramatic ending.