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Free Fall: A Late-in-Life Love Affair
At 55, Rae Padilla Francoeur had no idea that the most deeply fulfilling sexual relationship she'd ever encounter was still to come. In her memoir, Free Fall , Francoeur discloses her discovery of a new love after nearly two decades in a relationship that wouldn't end, despite her need and desire to move on. Francoeur succumbs entirely to the intensely physical and stimulating relationship she finds with this new man—allowing her body and mind to truly embrace pleasure and sexual desire—and shares intimate details of a love affair that changes everything, leading her to celebrate her sexuality and rediscover herself. Free fall , Francoeur says, is a Let go. Be here now. Open up to the possibilities. Choosing to let go is a tall order for a woman who's lived her life as a single parent, a loving and attentive mate to a man with bipolar disorder, and a creative director in a busy museum—but when she finally succeeds in choosing herself, she views life anew, sensitized by sexual desire and dramatic change. Her new lover says, "Everything is foreplay." With him, Francoeur learns to embrace her sexuality and the profound pleasure bodies bring, even as they age.
- GenresMemoir
296 pages, Paperback
First published July 1, 2009
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39 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews
November 24, 2010
I was very intrigued by the subject matter, as our culture does not like to consider that sex is not strictly for the young. The book is tastefully and very frankly written. If you want the unvarnished truth of one woman's experience and a window into later life sexual potential, this is a very good read. What it's not, is erotica. What it is, is a sensitive description of one woman's choice to embrace life with no apologies. I am in awe of this woman's courage to talk about things so personal in such an honest, sensitive and unguarded way.
January 4, 2016
This book was recommended to me as erotica for older people, and it is erotic, but the sex is a metaphor.
At least, I assume that's what Rae, the 58-year-old author and protagonist of this memoir, intended. Rae suffered through a horrific childhood. At some point, as an adult, she fell in love and began living with (and taking care of) Eli, who toward the end of their 18-year relationship is bipolar, sick, and has threatened her. There is no one but Rae to help him. Here's how she describes it, on the eve of Eli's return from a psychiatric hospital:
"I'm filled with dread. My worry is that, because Eli is unstable and...I once again have no control over my life. His mood is my reality. His rage is my nightmare. Because his hospital psychiatrist has refused to speak with me since Eli was admitted (since Rae and Eli aren't married), I have no idea about the current status of his treatment and state of mind. What will I be walking into?"
In despair/desperation, Rae begins an affair with Eli's best friend, Jim. Yes, I know. It sounds like a non-sequitor, but bear with me. Jim, 67, is tall, beautiful, confident, bohemian, adventurous, and horny, and Rae hasn't had sex in five years. Jim is realistic; at one point early on he says, "It's occurred to me that you are probably the last girlfriend I'll ever have." Rae says her Catholic upbringing, which has always taught self-restraint, is in the distant past. "The deeper I get into this, the deeper I'm willing to go." She has been serving and sacrificing for Eli, but now Rae sees herself as breaking free, finally doing something for herself, reawakening her 58-year-old body, making discoveries. Cool if it were true.
But it seems to me Rae's (a) distracting herself from horrific problems, and (b) finding another man to run her life, albeit a compelling and pretty one. And Jim will do just about anything, anywhere to satisfy his sexual hunger, to the point where she is frequently embarrassed in public.
In what sounds like rationalizing, Rae explains Jim's sexual aggression as her preference. She says she will never tell him "no" (except for certain agree-upon exclusions like torture.) She says she calls the shots. She wants to find out where he can take her. "I want the best of Jim, all that his sixty-seven years of experience with sex and women and fantasy and longing have brought to him...I wish for him to perform as a high-functioning artist does...I desire spontaneous and creative flow..."
At first I was convinced. It seemed a fresh, new way of thinking: to respect the experience of this vibrant and interesting man, to present herself as a palette upon which he, the artist, will paint - for her pleasure. She makes a pretty good case that finally, she is living, really experiencing life, giving herself one last, best meal at the finest table she'll ever see.
But I have mixed feelings. There are clues here that maybe she'd like to depend on Jim, if only she could. For example, she calls him a couple of times during various awful emergencies with Eli, and then castigates herself - for asking for his help, for bringing her problems into his life.
In any case, the sex is very hot, and this book does illuminate the experience of life in later years. It also, and this is no small thing, exposes how completely f***ed-up this country is in re: caring for poor and mentally ill people.
I rated it four stars because it's compelling and interesting, and also good discussion material for book clubs (and maybe therapy groups.) Worth checking out.
At least, I assume that's what Rae, the 58-year-old author and protagonist of this memoir, intended. Rae suffered through a horrific childhood. At some point, as an adult, she fell in love and began living with (and taking care of) Eli, who toward the end of their 18-year relationship is bipolar, sick, and has threatened her. There is no one but Rae to help him. Here's how she describes it, on the eve of Eli's return from a psychiatric hospital:
"I'm filled with dread. My worry is that, because Eli is unstable and...I once again have no control over my life. His mood is my reality. His rage is my nightmare. Because his hospital psychiatrist has refused to speak with me since Eli was admitted (since Rae and Eli aren't married), I have no idea about the current status of his treatment and state of mind. What will I be walking into?"
In despair/desperation, Rae begins an affair with Eli's best friend, Jim. Yes, I know. It sounds like a non-sequitor, but bear with me. Jim, 67, is tall, beautiful, confident, bohemian, adventurous, and horny, and Rae hasn't had sex in five years. Jim is realistic; at one point early on he says, "It's occurred to me that you are probably the last girlfriend I'll ever have." Rae says her Catholic upbringing, which has always taught self-restraint, is in the distant past. "The deeper I get into this, the deeper I'm willing to go." She has been serving and sacrificing for Eli, but now Rae sees herself as breaking free, finally doing something for herself, reawakening her 58-year-old body, making discoveries. Cool if it were true.
But it seems to me Rae's (a) distracting herself from horrific problems, and (b) finding another man to run her life, albeit a compelling and pretty one. And Jim will do just about anything, anywhere to satisfy his sexual hunger, to the point where she is frequently embarrassed in public.
In what sounds like rationalizing, Rae explains Jim's sexual aggression as her preference. She says she will never tell him "no" (except for certain agree-upon exclusions like torture.) She says she calls the shots. She wants to find out where he can take her. "I want the best of Jim, all that his sixty-seven years of experience with sex and women and fantasy and longing have brought to him...I wish for him to perform as a high-functioning artist does...I desire spontaneous and creative flow..."
At first I was convinced. It seemed a fresh, new way of thinking: to respect the experience of this vibrant and interesting man, to present herself as a palette upon which he, the artist, will paint - for her pleasure. She makes a pretty good case that finally, she is living, really experiencing life, giving herself one last, best meal at the finest table she'll ever see.
But I have mixed feelings. There are clues here that maybe she'd like to depend on Jim, if only she could. For example, she calls him a couple of times during various awful emergencies with Eli, and then castigates herself - for asking for his help, for bringing her problems into his life.
In any case, the sex is very hot, and this book does illuminate the experience of life in later years. It also, and this is no small thing, exposes how completely f***ed-up this country is in re: caring for poor and mentally ill people.
I rated it four stars because it's compelling and interesting, and also good discussion material for book clubs (and maybe therapy groups.) Worth checking out.
April 16, 2010
A friend who read this book says it made him think of advice a running coach gave him before they raced down a mountain. “Just go all out. If you crash you crash.”
If you don’t crash, you fly.
With “Free Fall,” Francoeur goes all out. And she soars. She takes us along for the ride of a lifetime. That the ride begins when she is fifty-eight only makes us appreciate all the more how little we can predict about life and how ready we must be always to take what is has to offer.
Fair warning: this book is powerful and has the potential to disturb. This power comes not from the fearlessly and beautifully written accounts of lovemaking but from the questions the author’s decisions raise in anyone who has wondered, “Is this it? Am I done?”
By our fifties and sixties, even those of us in the most uncomfortable of lives may hold back from change. Change is messy, unpredictable, painful. Not to mention frightening. It strips us of all we know and trust, challenges our compromises and leaves us “naked” as Francoeur expresses so well in the book. When the book opens, Francoeur’s life is packed with both accomplishment and pain as she nears the end of a twenty-year relationship with her bi-polar partner. Her decision to take a lover, Jim, could have been viewed as a desire for escape, refuge. Instead, it is simply the first of many steps that Francoeur is able to take once she chooses herself. Choosing her own survival over her partner, Eli’s, turns out to be salvation for him as well.
In this book, sex is the metaphor for the transformation Francoeur allows to take place in her entire life. Sex is the gift neither she nor her lover takes for granted and therefore appreciates all the more. It is the knife that peels away assumptions, layers of self protection and lays bare the need and want that pulse beneath. It is the place where Francoeur chooses to relinquish control and just see what happens.
Free Fall tells the story of a pivotal year in Francoeur’s life. The prose is taut, elegant, and unapologetic; it wraps around your consciousnesses and pulls you into the story so completely you may not hear the questions rising in your mind as you go. By the time you are finished, however, these questions will be sounding in your brain like sirens. “Is this it? Am I done? Could I...?”
The answers may be unsettling or reaffirming. Good luck.
If you don’t crash, you fly.
With “Free Fall,” Francoeur goes all out. And she soars. She takes us along for the ride of a lifetime. That the ride begins when she is fifty-eight only makes us appreciate all the more how little we can predict about life and how ready we must be always to take what is has to offer.
Fair warning: this book is powerful and has the potential to disturb. This power comes not from the fearlessly and beautifully written accounts of lovemaking but from the questions the author’s decisions raise in anyone who has wondered, “Is this it? Am I done?”
By our fifties and sixties, even those of us in the most uncomfortable of lives may hold back from change. Change is messy, unpredictable, painful. Not to mention frightening. It strips us of all we know and trust, challenges our compromises and leaves us “naked” as Francoeur expresses so well in the book. When the book opens, Francoeur’s life is packed with both accomplishment and pain as she nears the end of a twenty-year relationship with her bi-polar partner. Her decision to take a lover, Jim, could have been viewed as a desire for escape, refuge. Instead, it is simply the first of many steps that Francoeur is able to take once she chooses herself. Choosing her own survival over her partner, Eli’s, turns out to be salvation for him as well.
In this book, sex is the metaphor for the transformation Francoeur allows to take place in her entire life. Sex is the gift neither she nor her lover takes for granted and therefore appreciates all the more. It is the knife that peels away assumptions, layers of self protection and lays bare the need and want that pulse beneath. It is the place where Francoeur chooses to relinquish control and just see what happens.
Free Fall tells the story of a pivotal year in Francoeur’s life. The prose is taut, elegant, and unapologetic; it wraps around your consciousnesses and pulls you into the story so completely you may not hear the questions rising in your mind as you go. By the time you are finished, however, these questions will be sounding in your brain like sirens. “Is this it? Am I done? Could I...?”
The answers may be unsettling or reaffirming. Good luck.
July 15, 2020
Rae is 55 years old, has lived with Eli for 18 years, Eli is bi-polar and they are not married. Rae works, takes care of Eli and begins a love affair with Jim, a man who has been a friend to Eli for some years.
Rae is candid about her love affair with Jim, the sex is fantastic, they travel back & forth every month or so to spend a weekend together. It gives Rae an escape from the struggle she has with Eli and his roller coaster emotions caused by his bi-polar, the drugs they have him on, never really knowing what to expect when she comes home.
Not many people discuss sex in the over 55 generation, why not??? Thank you Rae for diving into the subject. Life is not over unless we choose to just sit back and watch it go by.
I really enjoyed Rae's writing, and was rooting for her all the way.
Rae is candid about her love affair with Jim, the sex is fantastic, they travel back & forth every month or so to spend a weekend together. It gives Rae an escape from the struggle she has with Eli and his roller coaster emotions caused by his bi-polar, the drugs they have him on, never really knowing what to expect when she comes home.
Not many people discuss sex in the over 55 generation, why not??? Thank you Rae for diving into the subject. Life is not over unless we choose to just sit back and watch it go by.
I really enjoyed Rae's writing, and was rooting for her all the way.
December 1, 2020
I really loved her depth of vulnerability!! It really helped me in my current place in life. Highly recommend for the older reader! Life is not over when you get old.
May 2, 2013
Do I really want to admit that I am reading this?
Picked it up from the "memoirs you might have missed" shelf at the library. It is fun b/c in addition to the sex aspect (not my usual genre!), the author lives in Rockport & works at PEM so many of the settings mentioned are familiar. And imagine exposing your life to this extent. Just that aspect is fascinating!
Picked it up from the "memoirs you might have missed" shelf at the library. It is fun b/c in addition to the sex aspect (not my usual genre!), the author lives in Rockport & works at PEM so many of the settings mentioned are familiar. And imagine exposing your life to this extent. Just that aspect is fascinating!
June 12, 2010
I love reading books written by people I've met. Rae divides her time between Rockport, MA and Manhattan. At one time she was on the Board of the Seacoast Writers Association. This memoir is thought-provoking and well-written. WARNING-this is definitely an X-rated story!
May 20, 2010
One of the best memoirs I have ever read.....incredibly candid, provocative and revealing.
March 8, 2016
An exciting personal story and a well written book!
Displaying 1 - 9 of 9 reviews