Rae: My True Story of Fear, Anxiety, and Social Phobia

by Chelsea Rae Swiggett

Rae is beyond socially awkward.

Since she was a little girl, Rae Swiggett knew something was different about her. The sound of planes flying overhead could spark a panic attack. Being called on in class was enough to push her over the edge. She feared the unknown, life, death, people . . . even fear itself.

By the time she reached ninth grade, Rae was muddling through life in relative silence, convinced everyone was mocking her, judging her, picking her apart, bit by little bit. Rae knew she couldn't keep going on this way. She knew something had to give.

'It's a game of catch-22 I constantly play with myself. If I keep acting normal, I hope one day I will be, but every time I try, I just let myself down. I'm so entirely sick of this game.'



Because Truth Is More Fascinating Than Fiction www.louderthanwordsbooks.com

Genres: Nonfiction, Mental Health, Psychology, Memoir, Biography

158 pages, Paperback

First published July 12, 2010

Reviews

[Kristi · Rating 5 out of 5]

So.... you might notice that I don't have any star ratings or anything for this... although if I was going to give is some stars I would give it five stars.

I might be a little bias because I know the person that wrote this book.... and it's more than I 'know' the person as an acquaintance. I've known Chelsea for going on four year I believe. I've shared looooong car rides with her, multiple hotel rooms.... dozens of book signings! I call her my other sister Chelsea, because I have a sister, Chelcea, already.

So that's why I'm not going to do a conventional review. Not only that but how can you really review a person's life... especially a person you know? That being said, you might be thinking, well then why the heck are you even doing this non-review, Kristi. BECAUSE even though I'm biased it's still an awesome book and I wanted to share it with you!

I have to say that it was heartbreaking to read about the inner most feelings of someone that you have the utmost respect and admiration for. To have the courage to share that about yourself is something that I'm not sure I posses. I think I have even more respect for Chelsea now that I've read Rae.

If you're looking for a realistic teen memoir that's actually by a teen, you should check this one out.

I love you Chelsea.

(HCI Teen actually has a series of teen memoirs written by teens.... you know, if your interested in that kind of thing.)

[La Femme Readers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rating 4.5

Rae was a meaningful and moving memoir written by our very own blogger The Page Flipper. Chelsea's vulnerability and raw honesty was commendable. It takes a lot of guts to reveal hidden fears to others. There is always that chance that people might not accept you for who you are. I for one, respect and can somewhat relate with Chelsea. Over the years, I also struggled with anxiety and the fear of death. Like Chelsea, my imagination can somewhat be overactive and I tend to worry too much. Also in comparison, I'm also afraid of plane crashes, car accidents or anything that doesn't look safe. The part where I sympathized most within the story, was her social anxiety. So many teens and adults deal with emotional discomfort and fear while interacting with others. I believe now a days, this plays a huge role in bullying. I hate people who scrutinize individuals and make them feel insecure and worthless. Who are we to judge?

This memoir has the ability to touch a lot of lives who suffer with the same phobias. The part where Chelsea mentioned her anxious feelings in class brought back so many memories for me. I despised participating in class and always made it my business to sit in the back. I always felt like people were observing my every imperfection, so I figured no one could see me besides the wall. To this day, I'm not really sure why I have these feelings, but I've learned to hide them very well. I appreciate Chelsea for opening her soul to readers. She's taught me that I am not alone and can have the strength to surpass my fears and live in the moment. Not only was there intense stories, her writing was also impeccable. She has great story-telling skills that will hopefully one day grace the pages of a YA fiction novel. Overall, I'm glad to have had the chance to understand Chelsea more as a person. I recommend this memoir to those who want to read a touching and enlightening book.

[Missy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rae is the true story and memoir of Chelsea Rae Swiggett, a teenage girl consistently plagued by fear, anxiety and the unreasonable and crippling paranoia of everything she can't control. In fact, it's the other way around. Her irrational fears are starting to consume her life in all facets, whittling away at any minute shred of confidence or clarity she once had. Where some people see it as weak, Rae only feels the fear and is desperate to claw her way out. Can she find the balance and way back to normal in time - before it starts to completely consume her?

I won Rae a while back, and I'm excited that I finally got around to reading it. I have to premise my review with this - as Rae is a memoir, please bear in mind that it's extremely difficult to rate someone's personal experiences and thoughts. Therefore, I won't be focusing on the content of the book for my rating, but rather the writing style, alone. Rae is the true story of a teen lost in a world of paralyzing fear. She's incredibly talented, and she has so much potential, but she's lost in a maze of paranoia.

I have to admit that I was a little bit worried about reading Rae. I think the content worried me a bit because I've had severe panic attacks a lot of my life, and it hits a little close to home. I was pleasantly surprised though, and I found Rae incredibly therapeutic. Written in simple, succinct, and clear prose, it's more of a daily chronicle of Rae's life than anything else, but it reads like a fast-paced and riveting story. So yes, it's a memoir, but if you didn't know it, I'd say it reads more like any other novel.

I have to give Rae a firm 5 out of 5. Even if you're not really a fan of memoirs, I highly recommend this book. It reads like fiction, rings true to more people than the author could probably imagine, and gives insight into a common and debilitating issue. I recommend this books to both YA and adult fans, as well as those who like memoirs and autobiographies. For more information on Rae and the Louder than Words series, click here.

[Kelly Hager · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is subtitled “My True Story of Fear, Anxiety and Social Phobia.” That’s probably about all you need to know about the book’s contents, right? Because this is something you either get or you don’t.

And I totally get it.

My mom is someone who has never met a stranger. Everyone she meets will soon hear all about her life. She’s the person who strikes up conversations with cab drivers, people in line, people next to her in the movie theater. I would probably be quite happy if I never had to talk again. (Choosing to talk, fine, but HAVING to talk? No thanks.)

And so as quiet as I am, Rae (or Chelsea, which is her real first name; she had to use her middle name because there’s already a Chelsey in this series) is like a billion times more so. She has social anxiety and it’s actually pretty crippling. It’s something most people don’t think about, the way that sometimes you know you can contribute to a conversation but you don’t because odds are whatever you say will sound stupid. (Or so you tell yourself; I’ve named that voice in my head my Gollum voice, and Chelsea has, like, way more of them than I do, I think.)

I’ve gotten better as I’ve gotten older, and so I’m sure things will get better for her, too. One thing that helped me is that at my last job, I produced a weekly news show that had about four guests or so, so every Thursday I had to talk to strangers and be outgoing and project confidence. I would go home completely exhausted (acting is HARD, guys!) but I think it was the best thing for me.

According to the epilogue, Chelsea’s going to college soon, and I think that will help, too. If I had advice for any teenager, it’s that high school is hard but college is AWESOME. The people are cooler, smarter and less mean.

[Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's hard to review a memoir since it's about someone's life.

It's been awhile since I've been in high school, but just because I'm out of high school doesn't really mean the teasing stops. Reading Rae's story brought me back to middle school, a memory I think I had forgotten where people who I thought were my friends one day, spent the rest of the year talking about me within earshot distance and throwing spit balls at the back of my head. I was brought back to the days when I'd call in sick to school because I couldn't face it. And the whole time I was reading her story, I couldn't help but feel bad for her. Like I wanted to somehow end up in that room and tell her it's okay.

Reading about her panic attacks also hit close to me. I constantly think about death, or well, I did. Sometimes I still do. And it's horrible. For a few years I had a fear of leaving the house on Halloween. I avoid road trips or long drives. I don't usually get panic attacks on airplane rides, just where there's a lot of turbulence. But all these feelings and all these thoughts are horrible and they make some days far worse than the rest.

The part that surprised me the most about reading this was that Chelsea is a fellow book blogger! She mentioned a road trip with her and Kristi at the end of the book which I remember reading on my news feed on Twitter not too long ago!

I love the idea behind the "Louder Than Words" series and I can't wait to read the rest of them!

[Sandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

I first heard about this book through the Goodreads giveaway program and when I didn't win it immediately went on my PBS wishlist. I had to read this book, which follows Chelsea Rae as she starts attending a new high school and learns that her anxiety is so bad, she needs professional help.

Although Rae and I have different triggers for our anxiety, I could totally relate with her story. Rae fears death and thoughts of dying trigger panic attacks for her. I fear anxiety in general and that triggers panic attacks for me in a terrible feedback loop. While she thinks people are mocking her every move during a school day, I sometimes think that people are just mad at me all the time. Despite our slight differences I saw a lot of myself in Rae. I hope that writing her memoir was therapeutic for her and helped her realize that she's not alone.

One of the most interesting parts for me was when Rae talks about her "old house" being haunted. I've learned in my research of both anxiety and the paranormal that those with anxiety issues are more prone to seeing ghosts and experiencing the supernatural in general. Rae's experiences with the old man are spot on with an experience I had myself when I was young and three ghosts showed up in a hotel room I was staying in on vacation.

If you have anxiety or social phobias, or know someone who has it, I definitely recommend this book.

[Kelsey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rae was my first Louder Than Words novel and it definitely won’t be my last. Reading Chelsea’s story was inspiring and heart breaking. I flew through it in a couple of hours, but Rae will stick in my head for a long time.
Reading about Chelsea’s anxiety and fear, especially at school, was heart breaking. She had such a hard time in high school and every day was a challenge to get through. As a high school student, I know how difficult it can be. I can especially relate to her fear of public speaking. I think every student fears class presentations, and there was a time when I couldn’t do them without shaking and stumbling over my words. That was bad enough, but seeing how every minute was like that for Chelsea was awful. I just wanted to go into the book and tell her everything was going to be okay.

Sharing the worst part of your life with the world is brave and awe inspiring. I applaud Chelsea for opening up, because it makes those suffering from similar problems realize they aren’t alone. I am sure Rae will impact many people, as it did me, and I can’t wait to share this memoir with others.

Chelsea, thank you for sharing your story, and I cannot wait to read your next release.

Overall: 4 out of 5 stars

[Scott · Rating 3 out of 5]

I won this through the Goodreads giveaway.

I'm not the intended audience for this book (it's clearly written for teens) but I just wanted to read about someone like me. I've only ever met one other such person in my life, so I guess we're pretty scarce.

In the book, Chelsea details much of her school life and the great pains she takes to avoid interacting with anyone, and to remain unnoticed. Occasionally she talks about her family life, which wanders off-topic a bit.

In the end she does find an escape, and manages to adjust her thinking about herself, although she's vague on how exactly this happens.

At the back of the book there are some adverts for other books in the 'Louder than Words' series, all involving girls and their teenage traumas, and all edited by the same person. I don't doubt that the things in 'Rae' are true (at least in essence) but this presentation makes it seem manufactured, like an Afterschool Special.

This book does not provide any answers or solutions, but I suppose if peers and educators read it and gain understanding, it might make their world a slightly kinder place.

[Shannon]

When I was contacted about being part of a tour for Rae by Chelsea Swiggett, I knew I had to do it. This book has a message that needs to be heard.

I am so sad that anyone's life ever has to be this hard. Rae has serious anxiety struggles. She tells of being teased growing up and had trouble making friends. Reading about how hard her childhood was very difficult for me. I remember being in middle and high school and though I was teased on occasion; it was nothing like she endured. I have a daughter now and to think that she could go through the same torment and struggle breaks my heart to pieces.

The best thing about this book for me is the thought that someone who struggles with the same things and feels alone can read her story and know that they are not. I think it is so important for us all to share these things so that others can reach out and find hope. Knowing that you are not the only one has to feel like a bit of a weight lifted. I have had my moments with social anxiety but they have never been to the extent that Rae described. Rae is so courageous to share her personal story.

BOTTOM LINE: A raw and honest memoir about anxiety.

[Linda Bollinger · Rating 3 out of 5]

I won this through the Goodreads giveaway.
This is the story of a young girl; the author Chelsea Rae Swiggett, who has serious problems of constant fear and social phobia. She’s talking very real mental illness that can be treated professionally. It is courageous of her to write so honestly to help others.
Rather than the common embarrassments we all sometimes feel, Chelsea cites: “…moments of utter humiliation where I feel like every person in the room is watching…and generally hating me.”
I think any young person with these serious problems or even with major insecurity would benefit from this book.
The audience is young adults who feel poles apart from the NORM and need help to struggle through and how Chelsea learned to better cope and find for herself what she needs in her life to call it a success. She’s currently on that road.
This is one of a series of books that’s called “Louder than Words” memoirs.

[Liza Wiemer]

I had the privilege of interviewing the incredible Chelsea Rae Swiggett for my blog www.whoRuBlog.com about coping with fear, anxiety, and social phobia. What courage! I am so impressed with Chelsea for sharing her journey with others. This is a must read for educators and parents who may have a shy YA at home or in the classroom. Chelsea can teach you so much: signs to look for, what is going through the head of a YA who misses a lot of school, has a hard time communicating, hides behind others, or keeps their heads in books all the time instead of interacting with others. Chelsea's writing style is beautiful and she conveys her story with so much honesty!
Highly recommend!
You also can find Chelsea on her own book blog at www.coffeeandcliffhangers.com

[Maude · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm not going to write a proper review for this one since I can't review a true story like I'd do for a fictional one. I just wanted to congratulate Chelsea on being brave enough to tell her story. It was a very interesting read and I could relate to a lot of what she wrote.

[Becky · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wonderful book

[Kristina Franken · Rating 5 out of 5]

I highly recommend this book for anyone

FTC: I received a free copy of this book and was not reimbursed in any other way.

[Katie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Rae is a book that I hold really close to my heart. Not just because I adore Chelsea, but because I also suffered with severe anxiety in high school. The things that I always thought were just me, routines and antics that made me feel like the only person in the world with this problem, are put into far better words than I could ever come up with in Rae.

This isn’t really a story; it’s more of a detailed explanation of her day-to-day life and how she handled living with her anxiety, but it still managed to capture me and keep me turning page after page. Chelsea is a phenomenal writer. She can go from writing a heart-wrenching description of her emotions to being quirky and sarcastic, but it works.

I think this is a book that everyone should read, along with the other HCI Teen books. I can’t even count all the times I’ve been told that I’m being ridiculous or stupid because of the limitations that my anxiety has put on my life. It’s an incredibly tough thing to explain and I applaud Chelsea for being able to summarize just how difficult and mentally painful Anxiety can be. I want to buy a copy of this book and give it to anybody who has ever rolled their eyes at me, because, despite our differences dealing with Anxiety, it’s still a wonderful depiction of how my head works.

Overall, I loved this book and I can guarantee that I will be picking it up again and again in the future when I start to feel overwhelmed with myself. I definitely recommend this book to everyone! There’s no romance or action or paranormal creatures, but it’s still intense read that will raise awareness on Anxiety and leave it’s mark on you for a long time.

[Sab H. (YA Bliss) · Rating 4 out of 5]

It's quite impossible to rate or review someone's life. Thus, for this review I wont comment on the story or plot except to say that thank you, Chelsea, for being so brave and sharing this. Instead, I will comment on her writing. We all know from reading her blog that she is a wonderful writer, but this book really surprised me. Chelsea managed to talk about a very hard issue while keeping the tone light and even incorporating some amazing humor without turning the story into a mock of itself. If that makes any sense. Chelsea's awesome writing voice makes the story flow easily.

I have no previous experience with anxiety of any kind. I grew up in a very different culture, which I tend to consider a somewhat happier culture for kids and teens. Where, thankfully, don't have many bully-related problems. But as a mom currently living in US, I'd say teachers and specially parents, must pick up this book. It's very eye-opening and explains very clearly how to detect this kind of issue.

Also, I flatter myself to being a fiction reader. And I just realize that mostly because I dont enjoy biografies. But reading Rae, made me realize that I hadn't read a memoir... ever. What's so different about fiction and memoirs? Well, a lot in fact. But in terms of story, isn't fiction supposed to feel as real as possible? What could possibly be more real that a real-life story? Anyhow, enough with my big epiphany. I will read more memoirs from now on, because I really enjoyed this.

This is rather different from everything else I've reviewed here, but I HIGHLY recommend it.

[Emily Benoit · Rating 4 out of 5]

I can't really rate this book through all of my sections, since it's quite a personal, heartfelt, account, etc... of her life.

Basically I loved this book. Since I identify myself as someone who has social phobia, and anxiety... it was really nice to finally see a book out that I can relate to. I always have felt like no one else ever had it as bad as me, but Chelsea's story was SO SIMILAR to mine. I really liked that. I liked how I could honestly relate to so much of her day to day accounts.

The only thing that really, honestly irritated me about this book, was the fact that she states that she finally was able to do online schooling. Kay.. I understand why she would do it, but it doesn't give me any hope in the end to be honest. It kind of makes me mad, that there are so many other people, like me, out there who have it just as bad as her, yet not EVERYONE has the option of online schooling, even though it would benefit some of us as well. Whether it be the fact that your parents won't let you, or just any other reason, it kind of makes me mad that she got the easy way out of all the anxiety in a sense because she got the oppurtunity to do school online, when so many of us have to continue struggling with GOING to school. It would have been nice to see that she could have made it through high school like the rest of us, and getting through those hard times as well. It just doesn't give me much help in the end, knowing she got the "easy way out", when so many of us don't have that option.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

From My Book Review Blog, Rundpinne.

"Rae: My True Story of Fear, Anxiety, and Social Phobia by Chelsea Rae Swiggett is part of the Louder Than Words book series and chronicles the life of Chelsea’s phobias throughout middle school and high school. Written in a non-linear manner, Chelsea explains to the reader what it was like for her living with fears and phobias and finally seeing a therapist. My concern with this book was two-fold; why was her obsession with weight loss never addressed and why did no one notice she was not eating and losing so much weight? As a parent of teens, I saw so many warning signs and could not help wondering why no one noticed. As someone with panic attacks and agoraphobia I wondered why, when Chelsea went to the therapist, she was not in behavioral therapy, and was rather shocked when the therapist recommended her being isolated further. I hope through Chelsea’s story teens will feel less isolated and more apt to seek help immediately. I applaud Chelsea for having the strength and the courage to seek help and hope she continues with therapy to resolve her issues not only with death and dying but also with her sense of self, body image and her issues with food."

[Erica · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. I truely did. Parts made me so angry and others made me want to cry. I really could connect with, and on a deeper level than just connecting with the book, as I suffer from anxiety and I could see aspects of myself throughout the entire book. It really makes you realize you are not alone in the world. Chelsea is so brave to share her story with the world.

Rae is so beautifully written. I really hope that Ms. Swiggett writes more books in the future, as she has a voice that was so enticing. Reading her story, so many emotions came to pass. When she'd talk about certain events, I'd get so angry at some of the people and just want to yell at them, where others I just downright started crying at the fact people could be so horrible.

Thank you Chelsea for sharing your story. I think this is the kind of book you could hand to a girl who suffers from anxiety to read, and empower her and realize that she isn't alone. People can be mean, and that's the truth, but if we all band together, we can fight back. Rae is that book.

[Jessica B · Rating 4 out of 5]

From shutupimreading.blogspot.com

I have stalked the author's book blog ever since I started blogging, so when I was asked to review her story I couldn't resist reading it. And boy am I glad I did.

Rae is an autobiography (or memoir? I'm not sure what the difference is), and I've never read one, so I was nervous before starting it. I shouldn't have been. Because of it's short length and completely addicting writing, I finished it in less than 24 hours. Swiggett has an undeniable gift for writing. It's intense, emotional, and just amazing. It had me glued to the pages.

I didn't know much about social anxiety before reading Rae, but it really is a sad and horrible thing. While reading you just want to reach into the book and give Chelsea a hug.

It feels weird to say that I enjoyed Rae, when the author obviously didn't enjoy this time in her life, but I did find myself grabbed by this tale. I'm so glad that Swiggett chose to share her story with us, and I can't wait to read anything else by her.

[Anna Schroeder · Rating 5 out of 5]

I find it so hard to write a review about a book about someone's life - especially someone that I know. While I haven't met Chelsea personally, when I started blogging we chatted, and an online friendship formed from there.

Rae was a wonderfully told story. It really gave details about Chelsea's life that were... just wow. It was heartbreaking and wonderful all at the same time. With Chelsea's writing it's really easy to understand someone lives with this every single day of their life. I couldn't imagine doing that.

Overall, I recommend this book to every young adult reader. Chelsea's story is amazing.

[Igor · Rating 5 out of 5]

Two month ago I've look book to read about social phobia/anxiety and I have found that book. I order from amazon and after two week I got it. I really understand feelings that have Rae in school. Especially part about spanish class and last part about visiting psychiatrist. She wrote all about her feelings, fear as-is, and nobody can understand her. But I was happy to now what in end, she have found friend by her interest and they often spent time together. I recommend this book for those who have social phobia and like read about irrational fear. 8/10!

[Myoveractive · Rating 4 out of 5]

Anxiety, fear and phobias are all to prevalent in today's society, but many are afraid to tell anyone their story. Rae's story shows how fears and anxieties affect lives. Many of us who suffer with anxietes muddle our way through life in "relative silence".

If you suffer with this disorder, know you are not alone. Thank you Rae for sharing your experience. We appreciate it. Project Owner for My Overactive Imagination. Sharing stories from those who suffer in silence.

[Ashlaya · Rating 2 out of 5]

I guess it's worth it as an introduction to what it is to have social phobia and anxiety, but I did not like it.
There are parts where, for example, the author uses other medical conditions or neurodivergences as insults, for herself or others, and it's kind of boring and sometimes even annoying to read. I understand that maybe she does this to move her own fears of judgement onto others or something, "get them before they get you". But she does this until the end of the book.
I'm happy that she learned what she had, got help and found her own path, though.

[n ♡ · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really really just want to hug this girl, because I have finally read a book I can really truly identify with, in terms of anxiety disorder. I like how it was written, like a teenager, and it clicked with me immediately. Her story is so similar to mine in many ways, and I really loved this book for it.

[Debbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can really related to Chelsea's story, i had social phobia,fear and anxiety in school and long after school. i also suffer with BDD. which makes it even harder to to struggle with life. i really loved the book. i feel like i have a new friend i can relate to. thank you Chelsea debbie

[Abby · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a person who has struggled with social anxiety/paranoid personality disorder/BDD/ and avoidant personality disorder her whole life, I would recommend this book to any teenager or young adult struggling to "fit in".

[Brooke Marie · Rating 2 out of 5]

About a teenage girl who suffers from anxiety and panic. (true story) However I don't think the story gave a full portrayal of her illness and her day to day life. Disappointed. Will keep searching for a good true story on this topic.

[Julia · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this to get some enlightenment to the constant anxiety I began feeling. Since I've read this book, the anxiety has dissipated, but still rears its ugly head. This book definitely opened my eyes immensely.

[Karolyna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, I absolutely loved this book. She describes all her feeling exactly how I feel them. I also love how she added a bit of humour. I totally relate with Chelsea because I live through the same thing she lives through. In all, good book worth reading.