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The Box Must Be Empty
What happens when buried grief rises two decades late, upending the life you’ve built on its coffin? When your old grief seems inappropriate, and your heart wrestles with grief upon grief as you move too many times and lose too many friendships? How do you recover from a devastated marriage, a crushed faith, and an endlessly broken heart? This is the crux of Marilyn Kriete’s crisis. After losing her first great love to cancer, she becomes a Christian, marries Henry, and joins him in a hectic worldwide ministry that leaves little room for personal reflection. When her old grief unexpectedly resurfaces, she’s shocked by the tsunami that rips through their lives. And when intensive counseling fails to bring healing and Henry pens a letter that decimates their churches and spins them out of the fellowship, her battered heart is tested beyond imagination. Exploring delayed and complicated grief in its many disguises—dashed dreams, disenchantment, family troubles, and the guilt of being a former faith leader, now grappling with depression and dismay—Marilyn candidly shares her long journey back to wholeness.
- GenresMemoir
269 pages, Paperback
First published April 4, 2023
4 people are currently reading
31 people want to read
About the author
Marilyn Kriete
2 books26 followersNever one to choose the boring route, Marilyn has lived in four continents and 16 cities (so far), earning her keep as a cook, waitress, janitor, chambermaid, fisher-woman, bill-deliverer (on foot in 40 below zero weather), missionary, church leader, tutor, academic writing editor, housekeeper, and--with a little luck--author. She writes about her adventures in a series of memoirs, all slated to be published over the next few years.
Marilyn currently lives in Kelowna, BC, where she shares her cozy bungalow with two cats and her husband of many decades, Henry. They have two grown children and one delightful grandson.
PARADISE ROAD is her first memoir, taking readers to her 24th year, when she makes a life-altering decision that profoundly determines the course of her life .
THE BOX MUST BE EMPTY picks up her story 20 years later, as she wrestles with unresolved grief and a spiritual crisis . Spoiler alert: though the path is dark and twisty, she lives to tell the tale! (Release date is April 2023.)
Her third memoir, written but yet to be released, takes readers to Bombay as she relives two life-altering years in a baffling, beguiling new culture. She's still searching for a great title for this memoir. Suggestions welcome!
Marilyn currently lives in Kelowna, BC, where she shares her cozy bungalow with two cats and her husband of many decades, Henry. They have two grown children and one delightful grandson.
PARADISE ROAD is her first memoir, taking readers to her 24th year, when she makes a life-altering decision that profoundly determines the course of her life .
THE BOX MUST BE EMPTY picks up her story 20 years later, as she wrestles with unresolved grief and a spiritual crisis . Spoiler alert: though the path is dark and twisty, she lives to tell the tale! (Release date is April 2023.)
Her third memoir, written but yet to be released, takes readers to Bombay as she relives two life-altering years in a baffling, beguiling new culture. She's still searching for a great title for this memoir. Suggestions welcome!
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February 13, 2023
The Box Must Be Empty: A Memoir of Complicated Grief, Spiritual Despair, and Ultimate Healing – Marilyn Kriete – (2023)
This is a very unique memoir that is centered around the International Churches of Christ (ICOC) religious faith and how the author spent decades of her family life attempting to find peace and wellness within and outside the church. According to independent studies the ICOC is compared to religious cults, with impressive statements of church ideology and biblical principles followed with suggestions for financial donations. While ICOC members, Marilyn, her husband Henry, and their two adopted children Daniel and Tassja moved too many times to count. Years after leaving the church, Marilyn wrote she was likely addicted to constant change and movement. It was unclear if the family ever remained in one location long enough to establish solid connections that might anchor them to a new or chosen community.
Marilyn has written her story to help others work through life challenges as they deal with problems in their own lives. This is her second memoir. After nearly two decades, according to Kriete, she and Henry moved 16 times during the 17 years of their marriage. The church sponsored moves included international relocations for the couple to minister in Africa and South America.
After Marilyn watched “The Titanic” (1997) she was triggered by the tragic sinking of the luxury ship, and was overwhelmed by excessive crying spells and profound loss. Later, Marilyn’s extreme reaction was related to the devastating cancer death of her former fiancée, Jack, (a church member). It was interesting that the family was quickly relocated to Philadelphia, for Marilyn’s specialized church counseling from the delayed unresolved grief process. Theo, (the counselor) treatment efforts seemed unsuccessful for numerous reasons. As the storyline continued, it wasn’t surprising that Henry eventually suffered from depressive psychological conditions as well. Marilyn and Henry’s family was always expected to follow church directives to relocate without exception or question. Naturally, the highest-level ICOC administrators or leaders were not expected to frequently relocate or shop in thrift stores to make ends meet. The couple’s life seemed to improve after leaving the church, though the need to continue moving was evident in this rare and unusual story. - 3*GOOD - **With thanks to Lucid House Publishing via NetGalley for the DDC for the purpose of review.
This is a very unique memoir that is centered around the International Churches of Christ (ICOC) religious faith and how the author spent decades of her family life attempting to find peace and wellness within and outside the church. According to independent studies the ICOC is compared to religious cults, with impressive statements of church ideology and biblical principles followed with suggestions for financial donations. While ICOC members, Marilyn, her husband Henry, and their two adopted children Daniel and Tassja moved too many times to count. Years after leaving the church, Marilyn wrote she was likely addicted to constant change and movement. It was unclear if the family ever remained in one location long enough to establish solid connections that might anchor them to a new or chosen community.
Marilyn has written her story to help others work through life challenges as they deal with problems in their own lives. This is her second memoir. After nearly two decades, according to Kriete, she and Henry moved 16 times during the 17 years of their marriage. The church sponsored moves included international relocations for the couple to minister in Africa and South America.
After Marilyn watched “The Titanic” (1997) she was triggered by the tragic sinking of the luxury ship, and was overwhelmed by excessive crying spells and profound loss. Later, Marilyn’s extreme reaction was related to the devastating cancer death of her former fiancée, Jack, (a church member). It was interesting that the family was quickly relocated to Philadelphia, for Marilyn’s specialized church counseling from the delayed unresolved grief process. Theo, (the counselor) treatment efforts seemed unsuccessful for numerous reasons. As the storyline continued, it wasn’t surprising that Henry eventually suffered from depressive psychological conditions as well. Marilyn and Henry’s family was always expected to follow church directives to relocate without exception or question. Naturally, the highest-level ICOC administrators or leaders were not expected to frequently relocate or shop in thrift stores to make ends meet. The couple’s life seemed to improve after leaving the church, though the need to continue moving was evident in this rare and unusual story. - 3*GOOD - **With thanks to Lucid House Publishing via NetGalley for the DDC for the purpose of review.
March 28, 2023
3.5 stars. Kriete's life was full and fulfilling: she and her husband were respected leaders in their church, the ICOC, and had spent decades living in one far-flung city after another, planting churches and building them up, then moving to another place and doing it all again. But a seemingly innocuous trigger shook loose Kriete's long-buried grief over losing her first fiancé to cancer, and in turn that grief set in motion changes in her marriage and relationship with her church.
The Box Must Be Empty is Kriete's second memoir, written long after the events described within—long enough that it's clear that she's had the time and willingness to do all the hard work of taking apart and putting back together again all the pieces of what happened. And that's fortunate, because it's a complicated, messy story: delayed/complicated grief, childhood trauma, a church community that at times was Kriete's lifeblood and at times toxic—not, generally, intentionally, but because (as I read it) the church leadership was unwilling to see the trees for the forest. (Or maybe, if I extend that metaphor: they were only willing to provide care for one particular type of tree, and anything that did not comply and grow the right kind of leaves and respond to the type of fertilizer the church spread was wrong and needed to shape up.) There's also what sounds like some truly appalling therapy, and, late in the book, Kriete ruminates on the possibility of the ICOC falling on the "cult" end of the religious spectrum.
And yes: at times it felt like too much. But the further I got into the book, the more I saw how all the threads pulled together—the way in which church was home and heart but also the source of significant stress (brought home when, for example, Kriete mentions her daughter starting in her eighth school...as of second grade); the way in which each move brought joy but also new grief. As far as writing a grief memoir goes, I don't think it would have been possible for this book to take religion out of the equation. The limited reading I did on the ICOC while (and after) reading this book makes me think that, however good the intentions of some, there is still more trauma that will come to light (and also that, even without "possible cult" status, their stances are far, far too conservative and narrow for me and their church services might make me break out in hives, but...that's neither here nor there, I guess).
So it's a lot. At times I wished I'd read Kriete's first book, Paradise Road: A Memoir, before picking this up—for a fuller picture, mostly—though it's not strictly necessary, and I'm glad she split the story across multiple books. I'm reminded a little of Evelyn Kohl LaTorre's books (her second one in particular), and this will resonate best with readers who don't mind a complicated memoir spread out over the course of several years; there is nothing in here that could be wrapped up easily.
Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.
The Box Must Be Empty is Kriete's second memoir, written long after the events described within—long enough that it's clear that she's had the time and willingness to do all the hard work of taking apart and putting back together again all the pieces of what happened. And that's fortunate, because it's a complicated, messy story: delayed/complicated grief, childhood trauma, a church community that at times was Kriete's lifeblood and at times toxic—not, generally, intentionally, but because (as I read it) the church leadership was unwilling to see the trees for the forest. (Or maybe, if I extend that metaphor: they were only willing to provide care for one particular type of tree, and anything that did not comply and grow the right kind of leaves and respond to the type of fertilizer the church spread was wrong and needed to shape up.) There's also what sounds like some truly appalling therapy, and, late in the book, Kriete ruminates on the possibility of the ICOC falling on the "cult" end of the religious spectrum.
And yes: at times it felt like too much. But the further I got into the book, the more I saw how all the threads pulled together—the way in which church was home and heart but also the source of significant stress (brought home when, for example, Kriete mentions her daughter starting in her eighth school...as of second grade); the way in which each move brought joy but also new grief. As far as writing a grief memoir goes, I don't think it would have been possible for this book to take religion out of the equation. The limited reading I did on the ICOC while (and after) reading this book makes me think that, however good the intentions of some, there is still more trauma that will come to light (and also that, even without "possible cult" status, their stances are far, far too conservative and narrow for me and their church services might make me break out in hives, but...that's neither here nor there, I guess).
So it's a lot. At times I wished I'd read Kriete's first book, Paradise Road: A Memoir, before picking this up—for a fuller picture, mostly—though it's not strictly necessary, and I'm glad she split the story across multiple books. I'm reminded a little of Evelyn Kohl LaTorre's books (her second one in particular), and this will resonate best with readers who don't mind a complicated memoir spread out over the course of several years; there is nothing in here that could be wrapped up easily.
Thanks to the author and publisher for providing a review copy through NetGalley.
January 24, 2023
The author supplied me with an advance copy of this book in exchange for an honest review. This turned out to be a very good deal! This is a memoir about resilience and courage, qualities I've always admired in others. The writer experienced not just sadness but overwhelming, prostrating grief that came close to destroying her. She offers no easy answers, no platitudes, no one-size-fits-all solutions, just her own account of how she fought her way, tooth and nail, to healing and growth after she was set upon, like a mugger out of a dark alley, by long-buried grief rooted in the early death of someone she loved with all her heart. I'm at an age now where I feel free to abandon books that are for whatever reason not doing it for me, but I downed Marilyn's book, in two huge gulps, in less than a day.
January 19, 2023
Beautifully written… what a compelling story. I read it in two days…couldn’t put it down, because I felt drawn in by the author’s very real sharing of her deep pain over both her past and more present griefs. You will ache along with her… her descriptions of the depth of her hurt brought me to tears more than once.
I had read Ms. Kriete’s fascinating and vulnerable first book, which introduced me to her childhood and the beginnings of her story: it is what drew me to her second memoir. I was lucky to be able to read an advance copy in exchange for an honest review. I’ll be buying it when it comes out, and look forward to re-reading. I will welcome a third memoir or book from her!
I loved learning how she and God worked together through her pain and great losses; and seeing how much strength she gained from her honest, deep relationship with God, and from her love of the Bible. I came away feeling much hope, and courage, seeing that even deep and complicated grief can be faced, and that there can be true peace on the other side.
I had read Ms. Kriete’s fascinating and vulnerable first book, which introduced me to her childhood and the beginnings of her story: it is what drew me to her second memoir. I was lucky to be able to read an advance copy in exchange for an honest review. I’ll be buying it when it comes out, and look forward to re-reading. I will welcome a third memoir or book from her!
I loved learning how she and God worked together through her pain and great losses; and seeing how much strength she gained from her honest, deep relationship with God, and from her love of the Bible. I came away feeling much hope, and courage, seeing that even deep and complicated grief can be faced, and that there can be true peace on the other side.
January 24, 2023
Marilyn stated her reason for writing this book in its final page: there was none like it. Well, I agree. I know of no one who captures the pain of an unmourned relationship like she does. I know of no one who captures the beauty and confusion and love and trauma of an unhealthy church like she does. And she does it with moxie and grace and clarity and wisdom and, above all, realness. She was right, this is a one-of-a-kind book.
October 9, 2024
There is a lot of good information about grief in this book.
January 21, 2023
I fell in love with Marilyn Kriete's writing when I read her first book, Paradise Road, and this second book does not disappoint. It's full of the same kind of brutal honesty, passion, humor, colorful narrative and poetic writing that kept me riveted in the first book. I actually had to stop myself after a few hours of uninterrupted reading, so that I could savour it over a few days instead of devouring it in one sitting.
Marilyn's journey of grief is long and complicated, and it seems at times as if her life is doomed to sorrow, abandonment, loneliness and disallusionment, but she is a fighter. She fights for healing, and she finds it, not in one simple solution, which would not be realistic, because her grief is not simple. The solution comes slowly, wholistically, as she engages body, soul, spirit and mind. Everyones story of grief is slightly different, but there is so much for all of us to learn from Marilyn's journey that I wouldn't hesitate to recommend it to anyone who is struggling with grief, or anyone who works with those who grieve.
Not only is the content valuable, but the writing is beautiful, evocative and easy to read. Her descriptions of some of the characters that cross her path paint such a vivid picture that you feel as though you know them. She describes Theo, her therapist, as "the grinning leprechaun", "a compact Black Santa", "endearing and soft as a teddy bear" but "a lapsed alcoholic with a mountain of unresolved trauma."
I was priviledged to be able to read an advanced reader version of this book, supplied to me by Marilyn.
I can't wait for her next book!
Marilyn's journey of grief is long and complicated, and it seems at times as if her life is doomed to sorrow, abandonment, loneliness and disallusionment, but she is a fighter. She fights for healing, and she finds it, not in one simple solution, which would not be realistic, because her grief is not simple. The solution comes slowly, wholistically, as she engages body, soul, spirit and mind. Everyones story of grief is slightly different, but there is so much for all of us to learn from Marilyn's journey that I wouldn't hesitate to recommend it to anyone who is struggling with grief, or anyone who works with those who grieve.
Not only is the content valuable, but the writing is beautiful, evocative and easy to read. Her descriptions of some of the characters that cross her path paint such a vivid picture that you feel as though you know them. She describes Theo, her therapist, as "the grinning leprechaun", "a compact Black Santa", "endearing and soft as a teddy bear" but "a lapsed alcoholic with a mountain of unresolved trauma."
I was priviledged to be able to read an advanced reader version of this book, supplied to me by Marilyn.
I can't wait for her next book!
January 27, 2023
I devoured this book and finished it in a couple of days. Marilyn Kriete expresses so beautifully
and truthfully the impact of trauma and grief on the mind, body and soul. Her struggle to work through and process grief is a testament to the human spirit overcoming the "dark night of the soul". I can only admire her resilience and vulnerability in sharing her struggles that are deeply personal and yet relatable in so many aspects. Read this book and you will be moved by Marilyn's journey, her struggles, and trying to come to terms with it all.
and truthfully the impact of trauma and grief on the mind, body and soul. Her struggle to work through and process grief is a testament to the human spirit overcoming the "dark night of the soul". I can only admire her resilience and vulnerability in sharing her struggles that are deeply personal and yet relatable in so many aspects. Read this book and you will be moved by Marilyn's journey, her struggles, and trying to come to terms with it all.
April 9, 2023
The second time I read a memoir book and this book took a toll and a pain that was deep to the bone. It was reflecting on the grieving most people had with severe depression cause that would be more complicated when it has taken root in your own self. Also, when your family is as religious as you could be expected. I requested this book through Netgalley because I was triggered by the title, I was wondering what the memoir of this book would be about and why this amazing title can be finalized as the main thing of this book. Then, I was surprised that the title and the meaning behind this memoir book truly reflected the connection between them.
The story of this Marilyn who longs for her past self and grieving over her dead-fiancee after those years that already took a deep root on herself. She tried many kinds of therapists and none of it works until she believed in herself about the handbook one of her friends recommended. She was surprised that she did not pick up this book sooner because it change her life completely after that encounter. However, in my opinion. It wasn’t about the book, it was because she already accepting the death of her fiancee and her journey to deal with that part of herself already reaching the end of the road and she banged the control to the other way around. The main focus of this memoir is on her journey of those years trying to deal with grieving and how to overcome it. She even had an attachment towards this therapist that took her journey until her own therapist had to deal with a problem of his own. Her journey on this grieving and acceptance is not an easy road. Especially, when she was already married to the husband he just met while she did not accept that her own fiancee is dead yet. The children she adopted also have a great consequence on her behavior and her journey. Who I was amazed by the most is, the husband-Henry.
The main point of this grieving memoir is, “Outside thing doesn’t matter with what you were inside. As long as you had accepted it as it is and learned how life works. You’ll finally find the new light at the end of the road.” It was not an easy path to take and the journey will take a toll and drain all of your energy but once you did it. I guarantee you will become someone best you wished you become sooner.
Things I learned:
➊ Therapist and talking sometimes not working, especially when you did not try to do whatever is happening inside yourself first.
➋ Journaling, always helps whatever it is you had in your mind when your mind is crowded as hell. It keeps you in check and takes you to the next level further
➌ Marriage and having kids when you are ready not when you are desperate for love. The consequence of Marilyn’s children in this memoir because of the grieving she still had affected her children the most. Even though it wasn’t written pretty specifically in detail, I realized that it does give a huge effect on them, especially, when they hit the nature of puberty.
➍ Finding whatever it is while moving from one place to another. It does do some reassurance and keeps the calm mind of several people when they do nomad life. The same as what Marilyn and her small family take from one country to another. I take it as a thing that did not help you while you are grieving. It maybe does because you do not hold and get another attachment to a particular person and place. However, it effecting more of your mental health and drain all of the spiritual energy within you.
➎ Church community works. The reason why Marilyn and her family moved a lot was that she joined this community and provide church service. But, for the first time, I have no idea how it works but this book taught me how it worked from the perspective of someone inside and someone outside the community.
➏ Writing letters, does help tho. Especially for someone you longed for but did not have the courage to talk to or someone already leaving this realm. Maybe, it does help for some people with some personalities, however, for certain people with a specific characteristic, it will attach them more to the grief and cannot get out.
Overall, this memoir book is the saddest because the journey path this Marilyn took was unbearable. Loving the dead fiancee for almost 23 years while you were married to someone else was internal bleeding. I learned many new things from this book and I did not regret anything at all while requesting this book. It was as amazing as I expected the meaning of The box must be Empty for me personally is the thing you need to do after accepting this grief leaves the box empty, that will help you to accept new things in your life. It was a wonderful meaning and as Marilyn’s therapist said while he was mentioning the box must be empty. It has a different meaning from what I gather but that’s what the explanation to me is.
Please give some moments of applause and high appraisal for Henry!!
Thank you, NetGalley for giving me the privilege to review and read the book before publication day!
The story of this Marilyn who longs for her past self and grieving over her dead-fiancee after those years that already took a deep root on herself. She tried many kinds of therapists and none of it works until she believed in herself about the handbook one of her friends recommended. She was surprised that she did not pick up this book sooner because it change her life completely after that encounter. However, in my opinion. It wasn’t about the book, it was because she already accepting the death of her fiancee and her journey to deal with that part of herself already reaching the end of the road and she banged the control to the other way around. The main focus of this memoir is on her journey of those years trying to deal with grieving and how to overcome it. She even had an attachment towards this therapist that took her journey until her own therapist had to deal with a problem of his own. Her journey on this grieving and acceptance is not an easy road. Especially, when she was already married to the husband he just met while she did not accept that her own fiancee is dead yet. The children she adopted also have a great consequence on her behavior and her journey. Who I was amazed by the most is, the husband-Henry.
The main point of this grieving memoir is, “Outside thing doesn’t matter with what you were inside. As long as you had accepted it as it is and learned how life works. You’ll finally find the new light at the end of the road.” It was not an easy path to take and the journey will take a toll and drain all of your energy but once you did it. I guarantee you will become someone best you wished you become sooner.
Things I learned:
➊ Therapist and talking sometimes not working, especially when you did not try to do whatever is happening inside yourself first.
➋ Journaling, always helps whatever it is you had in your mind when your mind is crowded as hell. It keeps you in check and takes you to the next level further
➌ Marriage and having kids when you are ready not when you are desperate for love. The consequence of Marilyn’s children in this memoir because of the grieving she still had affected her children the most. Even though it wasn’t written pretty specifically in detail, I realized that it does give a huge effect on them, especially, when they hit the nature of puberty.
➍ Finding whatever it is while moving from one place to another. It does do some reassurance and keeps the calm mind of several people when they do nomad life. The same as what Marilyn and her small family take from one country to another. I take it as a thing that did not help you while you are grieving. It maybe does because you do not hold and get another attachment to a particular person and place. However, it effecting more of your mental health and drain all of the spiritual energy within you.
➎ Church community works. The reason why Marilyn and her family moved a lot was that she joined this community and provide church service. But, for the first time, I have no idea how it works but this book taught me how it worked from the perspective of someone inside and someone outside the community.
➏ Writing letters, does help tho. Especially for someone you longed for but did not have the courage to talk to or someone already leaving this realm. Maybe, it does help for some people with some personalities, however, for certain people with a specific characteristic, it will attach them more to the grief and cannot get out.
Overall, this memoir book is the saddest because the journey path this Marilyn took was unbearable. Loving the dead fiancee for almost 23 years while you were married to someone else was internal bleeding. I learned many new things from this book and I did not regret anything at all while requesting this book. It was as amazing as I expected the meaning of The box must be Empty for me personally is the thing you need to do after accepting this grief leaves the box empty, that will help you to accept new things in your life. It was a wonderful meaning and as Marilyn’s therapist said while he was mentioning the box must be empty. It has a different meaning from what I gather but that’s what the explanation to me is.
Please give some moments of applause and high appraisal for Henry!!
Thank you, NetGalley for giving me the privilege to review and read the book before publication day!
June 20, 2023
Overall: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.✨
I want to begin by addressing a few points. When I first picked up this book, I was unfamiliar with the International Churches of Christ (ICOC). Being born in the early 90s, this group was founded in the late 70s and remained relatively unknown to me due to my non-religious upbringing. Intentionally, I refrained from researching about them until after completing the book, as I wanted to avoid any bias affecting my final impression. This approach proved to be beneficial. While some of the things I later discovered about the ICOC influenced my overall thoughts, they did not taint my perception of the book itself.
"The Box Must Be Empty" chronicles a journey of faith exploration intertwined with the acceptance of profound grief. The memoir depicts how greed, lack of compassion and empathy, and shame can corrupt certain Christian churches, diverting their focus from the teachings of Jesus and the spread of love. These extreme evangelical churches often bear resemblance to cults, emphasizing obedience, conformity, power, and prestige. Reading "The Box Must Be Empty" held particular significance for me since I had previously delved into the subject of cults in Amanda Montell's book, Cultish. The similarities between the portrayal of Jesus' teachings and the cult-like aspects within these organizations were strikingly evident. Kriete ponders, "Would I have struggled like this if it weren't a cult?... Does that make me a cult survivor? Or simply someone whose strange life journey has mirrored her search for belonging?... I'll leave it to the reader to decide." As a reader, it is highly likely that she is a cult survivor.
As a mental health therapist, reading this memoir made me cringe—not because of the subject matter, but due to the disturbingly blurred lines between the author and her supposed therapist, Theo. Like the author, I found it challenging to empathize with Theo. One of our fundamental ethical codes as therapists is to "Do no harm," and Theo's actions hindered the healing process significantly. Furthermore, he engaged in various other ethical violations, such as abandoning a client, dual relationships, and providing substandard therapy that falls below the standard of care.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this captivating story. Kriete's storytelling transported me alongside her, immersing me in a world of despair, grief, anger, and desperation. A compelling memoir achieves just that, especially when the reader is unfamiliar with the author. Kriete takes us on a journey through a profoundly painful period in her life, exhibiting remarkable vulnerability. Although the narrative occasionally felt repetitive, it effectively conveyed Kriete's sense of being stuck in rumination. I particularly appreciated her reference to "The Grief Recovery Handbook," a book I often recommend to my therapy clients and utilize in my practice. The ending felt satisfying, albeit with one minor gripe. As someone previously unaware of the ICOC, the ending was perfect. However, upon conducting further research, I felt slightly less satisfied. I wished there had been a bit more commentary on the controversies the church faced, including the recent sexual abuse allegations against the founder. Delving deeper into these aspects would have rounded out the book more effectively.
Overall, I am delighted to have stumbled across this memoir. Exploring the lives of others is inherently fascinating and fosters the development of empathy.
Overall: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.✨
Enjoyment: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Plot: ⭐️⭐️⭐️.✨
Characters: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Thought Provoking: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Ease of Reading: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
World Building: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Writing: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Ending: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I received an advanced copy of this book (ARC) from Netgalley and Lucid House Publishing in exchange for an honest review. My thanks to them!
I want to begin by addressing a few points. When I first picked up this book, I was unfamiliar with the International Churches of Christ (ICOC). Being born in the early 90s, this group was founded in the late 70s and remained relatively unknown to me due to my non-religious upbringing. Intentionally, I refrained from researching about them until after completing the book, as I wanted to avoid any bias affecting my final impression. This approach proved to be beneficial. While some of the things I later discovered about the ICOC influenced my overall thoughts, they did not taint my perception of the book itself.
"The Box Must Be Empty" chronicles a journey of faith exploration intertwined with the acceptance of profound grief. The memoir depicts how greed, lack of compassion and empathy, and shame can corrupt certain Christian churches, diverting their focus from the teachings of Jesus and the spread of love. These extreme evangelical churches often bear resemblance to cults, emphasizing obedience, conformity, power, and prestige. Reading "The Box Must Be Empty" held particular significance for me since I had previously delved into the subject of cults in Amanda Montell's book, Cultish. The similarities between the portrayal of Jesus' teachings and the cult-like aspects within these organizations were strikingly evident. Kriete ponders, "Would I have struggled like this if it weren't a cult?... Does that make me a cult survivor? Or simply someone whose strange life journey has mirrored her search for belonging?... I'll leave it to the reader to decide." As a reader, it is highly likely that she is a cult survivor.
As a mental health therapist, reading this memoir made me cringe—not because of the subject matter, but due to the disturbingly blurred lines between the author and her supposed therapist, Theo. Like the author, I found it challenging to empathize with Theo. One of our fundamental ethical codes as therapists is to "Do no harm," and Theo's actions hindered the healing process significantly. Furthermore, he engaged in various other ethical violations, such as abandoning a client, dual relationships, and providing substandard therapy that falls below the standard of care.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this captivating story. Kriete's storytelling transported me alongside her, immersing me in a world of despair, grief, anger, and desperation. A compelling memoir achieves just that, especially when the reader is unfamiliar with the author. Kriete takes us on a journey through a profoundly painful period in her life, exhibiting remarkable vulnerability. Although the narrative occasionally felt repetitive, it effectively conveyed Kriete's sense of being stuck in rumination. I particularly appreciated her reference to "The Grief Recovery Handbook," a book I often recommend to my therapy clients and utilize in my practice. The ending felt satisfying, albeit with one minor gripe. As someone previously unaware of the ICOC, the ending was perfect. However, upon conducting further research, I felt slightly less satisfied. I wished there had been a bit more commentary on the controversies the church faced, including the recent sexual abuse allegations against the founder. Delving deeper into these aspects would have rounded out the book more effectively.
Overall, I am delighted to have stumbled across this memoir. Exploring the lives of others is inherently fascinating and fosters the development of empathy.
Overall: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.✨
Enjoyment: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Plot: ⭐️⭐️⭐️.✨
Characters: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Thought Provoking: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Ease of Reading: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
World Building: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Writing: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Ending: ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I received an advanced copy of this book (ARC) from Netgalley and Lucid House Publishing in exchange for an honest review. My thanks to them!
January 25, 2023
There is no question in my mind that I will be purchasing this for one or more gifts. A moving personal story of understanding complex lingering grief of a love suddenly lost (read Marilyn's first book, Paradise Road for more on that, it is excellent!), made worse by many hurts from a worldly heavy handed and legalistic church culture driven by the one she calls "top leader" (she does not give the name, but those of us familiar with the group understand). This history is good because it is very factual and accurate from my experience also, yet it is painfully hard to hear for those of us who remain a part of the (repentant) group once an ousting of the ungodly "top leader" occurred. While laying out clearly the problems, Marilyn also acknowledges a lot of great things that were done. You can't undo history you can only learn from it and strive to never repeat it. I read this as an advance copy in exchange for an honest review. Marilyn's experience is intense as she wrestles through her grief to reach a good place. A moving book that led me to read it not once but twice!
January 19, 2023
I was privileged to receive an advanced reader's copy of The Box Must Be Empty. I am still a member of the church family that Mrs. Kriete left a number of years ago, so began reading with some skepticism.
First of all, this woman can write!
Secondly, she did not blame the church for all her problems, which was refreshing.
Honestly I did not agree with a number of her conclusions about spiritual living, but her story is gripping and I was entranced. Read it in probably 3 days.
If you or yours has experienced a grief that will not lessen with time, that is affecting you or your family way more than you think it should, here is a memoir you should read. It took years for Mrs. Kriete to undergo some healing, and maybe she can now help you. And may God help you all.
HSM, M.D.
First of all, this woman can write!
Secondly, she did not blame the church for all her problems, which was refreshing.
Honestly I did not agree with a number of her conclusions about spiritual living, but her story is gripping and I was entranced. Read it in probably 3 days.
If you or yours has experienced a grief that will not lessen with time, that is affecting you or your family way more than you think it should, here is a memoir you should read. It took years for Mrs. Kriete to undergo some healing, and maybe she can now help you. And may God help you all.
HSM, M.D.
March 8, 2023
I started this book last night and finished this afternoon, less than 24hrs. This is very well written to keep the reader's attention. I wish I would have read the description a little better though. I found myself skimming some only because I felt like it was mostly about religion and grief. You get to know exactly how the author feels and anyone who has lost a loved one can relate to her feelings at some point in the book. I like how she points out that the church was not very helpful with depression and it is sort of a taboo still in the church. This book would be perfect for anyone who is struggling with the loss of a loved one and doesn't know what steps to take to start the grieving process.
April 21, 2023
Marilyn is a friend, and I spent 14 years of my life in the ICOC, so there were many parts of this story that were familiar to me, many that resonated with me, and some that were even triggers for me! I've been dreaming a lot during the days that I read this! Marilyn is raw and real and authentic. She has that delicate balance of not throwing anyone under the bus while still accurately revealing the hurts, pains, and injustices of her life as well as others. I love the story of hope and resilience that can give readers a sense of redemption for their own experiences too! Great writing, Marilyn! Thanks for having the courage to share this story!❤️
February 20, 2023
I fortunately received an advanced copy of "The Box Must Be Empty" in exchange for an honest review and was once again blown away by the raw, honest, and humble words on every page. I read Marilyn Kriete's first memoir "Paradise Road" and loved it so much that I could not wait for her second memoir. I was not disappointed. Marilyn is a gifted and evocative writer. Though I could not relate to the kind of long delayed and immense grief she suffered over a lost love, her story taught me how faith can sustain us through any trial. Her time with her husband, Henry, the Church of Christ and the heartbreak it lead to while they were raising their two children and living all over the world made for a one-of-a-kind story that was hard to put down. Every word she writes will inspire you. I highly recommend this book and cannot wait for her next memoir!
Read
January 20, 2023Reading an advance copy (provided by the author) of “The Box Must Be Empty” was great because Marilyn is such a wonderful writer. As I traveled with Marilyn through her grief journey, I watched her struggle with overwhelming sadness over her losses and unwelcome changes to her ministry responsibilities, discover the Grief Recovery Method and come to peace with everything. It led me to procure the Grief Recovery Handbook for myself to process the things in my life that I wish were “different, better, more.”
February 25, 2023
Anyone with unresolved grief, usually hidden down deep in their box of inner memories, will find it arises, as old and new tears, on the pages of this very stirring memoir! I highly recommend this
follow-up to Kriete's first book, 'Paradise Road'.
follow-up to Kriete's first book, 'Paradise Road'.
February 21, 2023
This book I couldn’t put down, the author has such a gift at painting the scene- I felt like I was a fly on the wall wanting to know what happens next. Her vulnerability made me feel seen and I felt so much hope in following her journey.
February 20, 2023
Marilyn Kriete is a great writer. She is very good with words.
Her writing brings her story to life.
I was feeling the pain, emotions and struggles.
Thank you for sharing!
Her writing brings her story to life.
I was feeling the pain, emotions and struggles.
Thank you for sharing!
April 22, 2023
Marilyn Kriete. “The box must be empty”. A look at the author’s time in the International Church of Christ and why they reluctantly left.
Review
Chapter 1 — we meet weeping Marilyn. She introduces us to the ghost of her once upon a time fiancé Jack who died of cancer and who springs back to life in Marilyn’s heart after watching the death and separation of Titanic’s Rise and Jack. This grief grows and grows and consumes Marilyn’s life until she no longer feels functional. Her husband Henry attempts to support and console her. Henry seems like a bit character to Marilyn and her grief; they are the stars of this book.
Marilyn’s puzzled - why is she constantly crying? She and her husband are bringing God to the world as leaders in a tight-knit, dynamic church? She mentions she hates being forced away from her kids and never having roots because of God’s mission. She doesn’t put 2+2 together. She never does even by the end of the book.
Chapter 2 - they are forced to move again after having been promised a stable post. She doesn’t want to go. They tell the church “No.”. Soon they are packing up their house to move where they were told to move. There are more crying jags. She explains in great detail how important it is to be like Jesus and put on a positive facade. She seems to really believe she brings Jesus to people this way.
Chapter 3 We learn that Marilyn’s family of origin is cold and racist. We learn her kids are adopted. We learn they are angry and act out at all the constant change of living circumstances and parade of substitute caregivers. We learn that Marilyn hates the calm placid suburban life of the Midwest while Henry thrives. Then she repents and gushes about how much she loves her new sisters in Christ and they love her because she’s a talented women’s leader. The crying jags continue. It’s Jack’s fault.
Chapter 4 — crying Marilyn has eaten happy- positive-woman’s-leader Marilyn. She tries to avoid leadership trips and events so no one will notice. They notice. How can she belong to God’s chosen and do nothing but cry for hours. This book is getting hard to read: it’s like she’s willfully blind. Of course it’s the ghost of Jack’s fault. She calls an ICOC counselor. We meet Theo - the drunken counselor of choice for weeping, dysfunctional ICOC leadership.
For many chapters we endure Marilyn’s account of her sessions with Theo: a man with a serious binge drinking problem who careens wildly from one therapeutic approach to another; he has no boundaries nor counseling skills apparently. Marilyn’s angry and spends hours reading psychological materials in order to educate herself and to give Theo a clue but yet she considers him a close close friend and has total faith that if anyone can cure her it’s him. I’m not sure why she thinks that. She provides abundant evidence that he is a quack yet all the leadership are sent to see him.
In later chapters Marilyn gushes about the loving, Godly nest that the ICOC provides. The profound friendships that come from spilling your secrets and being told what to do. She calls it transparency. Then there’s that control thing, she acknowledges, which occasionally goes too far and ruins the spiritual purity of it. But it’s ok because she’s bringing God and changing lives. But then on the other hand the big bad sin is disloyalty and pride. But then there’s Heaven’s mission. Yet she’s still sobbing all the time. Theo didn’t cure her. Big surprise.
Marilyn knows the leadership is upset that she isn’t cured. They are given a 6 month sabbatical for counseling. She mentions that now the church must move a new couple to Indy — along with the couple’s Nannie’s, interns and assistants. So this is where the special contribution is being spent I guess. The church rents them a house in Philadelphia and pays for her to return to Cleo.
There are more boring chapters about her disastrous counseling with Cleo as she desperately pins all of her problems on the ghost of Jack and gives no thought to the fact she might be suppressing anger because she has no voice in her own life — everything (and I mean everything) is decided FOR her. That would make me depressed.
She introduces the idea of “complicated grief”. She doesn’t talk about her denial of her so-called Godly reality at all. She seems painfully unaware. Theo seems upset that she’s blaming her depression on the ghost of Jack. More trips to the library to make Theo see the light. He never does. Then one day the leadership makes Theo disappear without saying goodbye and Marilyn is distraught — fruitlessly trying to pry the secret of where he went from anyone who might know. They don’t tell her.
Chapter 15 - we learn that Henry’s family thought he was nuts for marrying her so quickly. We learn that Jack was an intense man that demanded 100% of her - that he be the sun she revolves around or else he’d leave her. She agreed to Jack’s terms and soon after he died. We learn that her family hated Henry and the ICOC and idolized Jack.
Henry was different from Jack. — he was building a ministry at age 21 and was very into it. She felt nothing for him. But then she had a dream about him and decided God had picked him for her. Henry had take a vow of extreme poverty and celibacy but decided she was worth giving that up for. She was brand new to the church and knew nothing about the Bible. She and Henry fight because she doesn’t want to fake enjoying boring Bible lectures. He insists that she do that. She acquiesces. He proposes. Wow. Just wow. Marilyn calls herself and Henry “the prophet and the Hippie”. Her parents refuse to attend. The marriage goes well for awhile but then they start fighting viciously all the while pretending to be happy and bringing people to the kingdom. As a reward they move around a lot. Many different continents. Many different churches. They work their “magic” to bring people to the kingdom — the kingdom they both serve happily and fully.
For the rest of the book she goes back and forth complaining about the corruption of the leadership and the purity and beauty of his church in the form of the ICOC. She sobs in every chapter and in every city. She’s convinced it’s because she never properly mourned Jack. I think it’s probably because she’s in a controlling hellish organization where she has no voice except to sob copiously.
Marilyn describes a lot about how the ICOC works. It reminds me of the military. The family is sent back to VABeach instead of Indianapolis. The lead evangelist couple in VA Beach is sent somewhere else and the Krietes find themselves leading the church. Then they visit Canada over Christmas and are denied re-entry to the US. The ICOC finds them a church in their network with enough money to take on another evangelist and they are sent to London. Marilyn hates being there but likes it better than Indianapolis.
The London church may have the money but it has morale problems and the members are becoming cynical. A huge rally at Wembley stadium is celebrated by the ICOC leadership as a successful demonstration of the power of God but the London rank and file are underwhelmed and start to think this American emperor has no clothes. For months there’s an open crisis in the London church. Then THE LETTER.
Marilyn’s first concern is about their economic situation. The ICOC began shedding staff — not enough money coming in. Who could afford to hire the Krietes? And of course there’s still the ghost of Jack. And her miserable marriage because Henry was embarrassed about her constant mooning for a dead fiancé instead of her very alive husband. Go figure.
Henry wrote the letter, Marilyn insists, to show the London church this was not a local problem but a systemic problem. This makes it better? Apparently Marilyn thought it would - that the church would feel less alone and pull together to bring back the joy of sacrifice for God. She never mentions Matthew Wolpert’s name — he’s an anonymous frustrated angry member who’d lost a friend to suicide; who is a rebel; and takes the private letter public. For shame. Marilyn really doesn’t get it.
Marilyn’s real concern is where would the church send them next. None of the churches have enough money to hire them. The Krietes decide to leave the ministry and return to Canada. The church pays them a month of severance and all their moving costs. The London church takes up a collection for them to make their financial transition easier. One man sells his house and gives them 5000 pounds. She takes this as due course for serving God.
Their post-ministry life is not happy. But then frankly their ministry life wasn’t happy either. She has no job skills except evangelism. She becomes an ESL tutor and rents out rooms. Henry consults with the ICOC and then takes a ministry job in a non ICOC church and attempts to inspire it to become just like the ICOC. They decline. Eventually he is let go.
Henry is diagnosed with a type of bipolar disorder. She’s still haunted by Jack. Happy couple. The kids seems to like the new life, maybe. Everyone is secondary to the ICOC and the ghost of Jack. It’s not an inspiring book for me — it leaves me incredulous that she truly misses “God’s kingdom.” They find a new church and Henry gets another ministry job. I don’t see much personal growth here but I’m not in a position to judge her. I don’t plan on reading any more of her memoirs though.
Review
Chapter 1 — we meet weeping Marilyn. She introduces us to the ghost of her once upon a time fiancé Jack who died of cancer and who springs back to life in Marilyn’s heart after watching the death and separation of Titanic’s Rise and Jack. This grief grows and grows and consumes Marilyn’s life until she no longer feels functional. Her husband Henry attempts to support and console her. Henry seems like a bit character to Marilyn and her grief; they are the stars of this book.
Marilyn’s puzzled - why is she constantly crying? She and her husband are bringing God to the world as leaders in a tight-knit, dynamic church? She mentions she hates being forced away from her kids and never having roots because of God’s mission. She doesn’t put 2+2 together. She never does even by the end of the book.
Chapter 2 - they are forced to move again after having been promised a stable post. She doesn’t want to go. They tell the church “No.”. Soon they are packing up their house to move where they were told to move. There are more crying jags. She explains in great detail how important it is to be like Jesus and put on a positive facade. She seems to really believe she brings Jesus to people this way.
Chapter 3 We learn that Marilyn’s family of origin is cold and racist. We learn her kids are adopted. We learn they are angry and act out at all the constant change of living circumstances and parade of substitute caregivers. We learn that Marilyn hates the calm placid suburban life of the Midwest while Henry thrives. Then she repents and gushes about how much she loves her new sisters in Christ and they love her because she’s a talented women’s leader. The crying jags continue. It’s Jack’s fault.
Chapter 4 — crying Marilyn has eaten happy- positive-woman’s-leader Marilyn. She tries to avoid leadership trips and events so no one will notice. They notice. How can she belong to God’s chosen and do nothing but cry for hours. This book is getting hard to read: it’s like she’s willfully blind. Of course it’s the ghost of Jack’s fault. She calls an ICOC counselor. We meet Theo - the drunken counselor of choice for weeping, dysfunctional ICOC leadership.
For many chapters we endure Marilyn’s account of her sessions with Theo: a man with a serious binge drinking problem who careens wildly from one therapeutic approach to another; he has no boundaries nor counseling skills apparently. Marilyn’s angry and spends hours reading psychological materials in order to educate herself and to give Theo a clue but yet she considers him a close close friend and has total faith that if anyone can cure her it’s him. I’m not sure why she thinks that. She provides abundant evidence that he is a quack yet all the leadership are sent to see him.
In later chapters Marilyn gushes about the loving, Godly nest that the ICOC provides. The profound friendships that come from spilling your secrets and being told what to do. She calls it transparency. Then there’s that control thing, she acknowledges, which occasionally goes too far and ruins the spiritual purity of it. But it’s ok because she’s bringing God and changing lives. But then on the other hand the big bad sin is disloyalty and pride. But then there’s Heaven’s mission. Yet she’s still sobbing all the time. Theo didn’t cure her. Big surprise.
Marilyn knows the leadership is upset that she isn’t cured. They are given a 6 month sabbatical for counseling. She mentions that now the church must move a new couple to Indy — along with the couple’s Nannie’s, interns and assistants. So this is where the special contribution is being spent I guess. The church rents them a house in Philadelphia and pays for her to return to Cleo.
There are more boring chapters about her disastrous counseling with Cleo as she desperately pins all of her problems on the ghost of Jack and gives no thought to the fact she might be suppressing anger because she has no voice in her own life — everything (and I mean everything) is decided FOR her. That would make me depressed.
She introduces the idea of “complicated grief”. She doesn’t talk about her denial of her so-called Godly reality at all. She seems painfully unaware. Theo seems upset that she’s blaming her depression on the ghost of Jack. More trips to the library to make Theo see the light. He never does. Then one day the leadership makes Theo disappear without saying goodbye and Marilyn is distraught — fruitlessly trying to pry the secret of where he went from anyone who might know. They don’t tell her.
Chapter 15 - we learn that Henry’s family thought he was nuts for marrying her so quickly. We learn that Jack was an intense man that demanded 100% of her - that he be the sun she revolves around or else he’d leave her. She agreed to Jack’s terms and soon after he died. We learn that her family hated Henry and the ICOC and idolized Jack.
Henry was different from Jack. — he was building a ministry at age 21 and was very into it. She felt nothing for him. But then she had a dream about him and decided God had picked him for her. Henry had take a vow of extreme poverty and celibacy but decided she was worth giving that up for. She was brand new to the church and knew nothing about the Bible. She and Henry fight because she doesn’t want to fake enjoying boring Bible lectures. He insists that she do that. She acquiesces. He proposes. Wow. Just wow. Marilyn calls herself and Henry “the prophet and the Hippie”. Her parents refuse to attend. The marriage goes well for awhile but then they start fighting viciously all the while pretending to be happy and bringing people to the kingdom. As a reward they move around a lot. Many different continents. Many different churches. They work their “magic” to bring people to the kingdom — the kingdom they both serve happily and fully.
For the rest of the book she goes back and forth complaining about the corruption of the leadership and the purity and beauty of his church in the form of the ICOC. She sobs in every chapter and in every city. She’s convinced it’s because she never properly mourned Jack. I think it’s probably because she’s in a controlling hellish organization where she has no voice except to sob copiously.
Marilyn describes a lot about how the ICOC works. It reminds me of the military. The family is sent back to VABeach instead of Indianapolis. The lead evangelist couple in VA Beach is sent somewhere else and the Krietes find themselves leading the church. Then they visit Canada over Christmas and are denied re-entry to the US. The ICOC finds them a church in their network with enough money to take on another evangelist and they are sent to London. Marilyn hates being there but likes it better than Indianapolis.
The London church may have the money but it has morale problems and the members are becoming cynical. A huge rally at Wembley stadium is celebrated by the ICOC leadership as a successful demonstration of the power of God but the London rank and file are underwhelmed and start to think this American emperor has no clothes. For months there’s an open crisis in the London church. Then THE LETTER.
Marilyn’s first concern is about their economic situation. The ICOC began shedding staff — not enough money coming in. Who could afford to hire the Krietes? And of course there’s still the ghost of Jack. And her miserable marriage because Henry was embarrassed about her constant mooning for a dead fiancé instead of her very alive husband. Go figure.
Henry wrote the letter, Marilyn insists, to show the London church this was not a local problem but a systemic problem. This makes it better? Apparently Marilyn thought it would - that the church would feel less alone and pull together to bring back the joy of sacrifice for God. She never mentions Matthew Wolpert’s name — he’s an anonymous frustrated angry member who’d lost a friend to suicide; who is a rebel; and takes the private letter public. For shame. Marilyn really doesn’t get it.
Marilyn’s real concern is where would the church send them next. None of the churches have enough money to hire them. The Krietes decide to leave the ministry and return to Canada. The church pays them a month of severance and all their moving costs. The London church takes up a collection for them to make their financial transition easier. One man sells his house and gives them 5000 pounds. She takes this as due course for serving God.
Their post-ministry life is not happy. But then frankly their ministry life wasn’t happy either. She has no job skills except evangelism. She becomes an ESL tutor and rents out rooms. Henry consults with the ICOC and then takes a ministry job in a non ICOC church and attempts to inspire it to become just like the ICOC. They decline. Eventually he is let go.
Henry is diagnosed with a type of bipolar disorder. She’s still haunted by Jack. Happy couple. The kids seems to like the new life, maybe. Everyone is secondary to the ICOC and the ghost of Jack. It’s not an inspiring book for me — it leaves me incredulous that she truly misses “God’s kingdom.” They find a new church and Henry gets another ministry job. I don’t see much personal growth here but I’m not in a position to judge her. I don’t plan on reading any more of her memoirs though.
February 4, 2023
Inherently, ministry life is lonely; add repressed grief to the situation and it produces a tale of gut-wrenching isolation and all neuroticism that ensues. If you thought it's tough to be a leader in a church setting, The Box Must Be Empty dispels such silly notions: it is downright brutal. Kriete invites the reader to share in her messy experience of catharsis while she skillfully cradles the shock in humor and wit. This author will not disappoint. It’s not just her authenticity you’ll connect with, her epigrammatic elegance is left on every page.
June Forman
June Forman
January 19, 2023
After reading Marilyn's first memoir (Paradise Road) I was very keen to get my hands on an ARC copy of her follow-up release. The Box Must Be Empty is a profoundly moving memoir that leads with vulnerability, communicates with grace, and delivers the kind of hard-earned wisdom that only comes with time. An intensely personal story of recovery, its lessons apply to any soul with unhealed wounds.
March 31, 2023
In exchange for an honest review I received an advance copy of this new book from one of my favourite authors and it did not disappoint. The follow up to Paradise Road is darker, as her adventurous life turns into a nightmare but if you like a good redemption story this book is the perfect fit. With searing honesty Marilyn shares how she is almost completely undone by her grief over the death of her first love and how she has to deal with it while her church and family life are also in turmoil. Many people collapse under this kind of weight, so I was so impressed at the lessons shared in the latter half of the book. In my life I've often thrown out the phrase, "I can imagine" and the odd time a brave soul will tell me, "No you can't." This book revealed to me in the clearest way possible that many lives are lived with difficulties and a level of pain that I could never relate to. Because of that, I was incredibly moved by this revelation of a fellow human being learning, changing and growing through the intense challenges of her life. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who enjoys the company of an honest and vulnerable friend and especially someone dealing with complicated grief!
January 30, 2023
“The Box must be Empty”.
In exchange for an honest review I received an advance copy of a new book from my new favorite author. This book is page turner, I completed in under 24hrs. (I read late into the night and tore myself away.)
It seems to me that Marilyn Kriete is a gifted writer, a surprising example of sacrificial love for others and an important voice for the grieving.
Her preference for the most giving of lifestyles, (embracing loneliness, hardscrabble poverty, illness, political instability, risk of crime), feeling so at home among the very poorest of India, South Africa and Nigeria over the shallow luxury of the west reflects her spiritual depth. Her commitment to fully adopt new cultures, peoples, lifestyle, homelands (and even children) and love them all so profoundly reflects a heart transformed.
Her willingness to “bare it all” and be as humble, open about painful struggles with grief, depression, loss and growth, marriage, family, health and career are inspiring. Marilyn has a raw, complicated history and relationship with a loving yet severely abusive family of origin, and her courage and insight to plumb the very depths of a difficult topic…repressed/ complicated/ delayed grief is commendable as too little is known, written or discussed on this subject.
In this second memoirs, she addresses so many topics …grief and multiple tragic compounding losses, therapeutic modes of varying value, the vital role of faith, friendships, family, contrast between cultish religious abuses vs healthy spiritual striving, seeking balance in a passionate love for God and others, the benefits and risks of zeal and unquestioning obedience of God and men, and the value of trust, wisdom, freedom, rest and sincere love.
This book describes grief as the inevitable price of deeper love and deepest love as ultimately being the healer of grief. It faithfully communicates the unappreciated message that unresolved, unaddressed grief can never be buried, it must be properly given its due time; process and honour.
As a fellow sufferer of unresolved grief (due to the ongoing separation from my children) and one who found some solace with the Grief Recovery Handbook I wholeheartedly concur that most forms of grief are not adequately respected, acknowledged, addressed or even allowed by wider society. Society provides a year for maternal/paternal leave for the entrance of your loved one and three days for mourning your loved ones transition typically!
Marilyn’s life and grief journey is genuinely shared and presented with patience, and a willingness to faithfully engage her reader with difficult questions, painful truths and honest revelations.
Marilyn voice is appealing and refreshing. This book continues the astonishing journey of “Paradise Road” and the two should be read together. “The Box must be empty” is a must read for the grieving and their supporters, and the general public. I’m hoping this book reaches a wide audience and encourages many who struggle with grief and spiritual trauma!
In exchange for an honest review I received an advance copy of a new book from my new favorite author. This book is page turner, I completed in under 24hrs. (I read late into the night and tore myself away.)
It seems to me that Marilyn Kriete is a gifted writer, a surprising example of sacrificial love for others and an important voice for the grieving.
Her preference for the most giving of lifestyles, (embracing loneliness, hardscrabble poverty, illness, political instability, risk of crime), feeling so at home among the very poorest of India, South Africa and Nigeria over the shallow luxury of the west reflects her spiritual depth. Her commitment to fully adopt new cultures, peoples, lifestyle, homelands (and even children) and love them all so profoundly reflects a heart transformed.
Her willingness to “bare it all” and be as humble, open about painful struggles with grief, depression, loss and growth, marriage, family, health and career are inspiring. Marilyn has a raw, complicated history and relationship with a loving yet severely abusive family of origin, and her courage and insight to plumb the very depths of a difficult topic…repressed/ complicated/ delayed grief is commendable as too little is known, written or discussed on this subject.
In this second memoirs, she addresses so many topics …grief and multiple tragic compounding losses, therapeutic modes of varying value, the vital role of faith, friendships, family, contrast between cultish religious abuses vs healthy spiritual striving, seeking balance in a passionate love for God and others, the benefits and risks of zeal and unquestioning obedience of God and men, and the value of trust, wisdom, freedom, rest and sincere love.
This book describes grief as the inevitable price of deeper love and deepest love as ultimately being the healer of grief. It faithfully communicates the unappreciated message that unresolved, unaddressed grief can never be buried, it must be properly given its due time; process and honour.
As a fellow sufferer of unresolved grief (due to the ongoing separation from my children) and one who found some solace with the Grief Recovery Handbook I wholeheartedly concur that most forms of grief are not adequately respected, acknowledged, addressed or even allowed by wider society. Society provides a year for maternal/paternal leave for the entrance of your loved one and three days for mourning your loved ones transition typically!
Marilyn’s life and grief journey is genuinely shared and presented with patience, and a willingness to faithfully engage her reader with difficult questions, painful truths and honest revelations.
Marilyn voice is appealing and refreshing. This book continues the astonishing journey of “Paradise Road” and the two should be read together. “The Box must be empty” is a must read for the grieving and their supporters, and the general public. I’m hoping this book reaches a wide audience and encourages many who struggle with grief and spiritual trauma!
April 3, 2023
I had the privilege of reading an advance copy of Marilyn Kriete’s “The Box Must Be Empty”. When given the opportunity to write a review of this book, I jumped at the chance. Some time had passed since my first reading, so I thought I should read a bit to refresh my memory. Again I found that I couldn’t put it down. Kriete writes with a style that draws you in, making you feel like you are having an intimate conversation with a friend, living through each situation with her.
I thoroughly enjoyed Kriete’s first book “Paradise Road”. My copy was sitting on my desk when a friend spotted it and asked about it. She borrowed it and a couple of months went by without me getting it back. When I inquired she said that she read it, her partner read it, and she was just reading it a second time before she was willing to return it to me. Marilyn Kriete writes that way.
“The Box Must Be Empty” is an important book to read, as it shines a light on many subjects that we fail to talk about today. Grief is something we are woefully unprepared to encounter- our own grief or that of a loved one, coworker or friend. Kriete’s vulnerable description of her journey gives voice and platform for exploring feelings that many of us bury or ignore. While her particular situation and life events seem, at times, unfathomable (I don’t know anyone that has moved half as many times in their lives), they are, at the same time, relatable. As she vividly describes her disappointments and frustrations and pain, one may be reminded of losses in their own life. Her struggle with faith through the challenges of grief amidst the varying opinions of religious leaders, coworkers and friends is a struggle we each must face.
While the subject matter is heavy, Kriete’s gentle voice has a strength that maintains a whisper of hope. Kriete writes that with this journey, she is able to love the different versions of herself, Young Marilyn, Middle Marilyn, and Who-she-is-today Marilyn. We get to love these different Marilyn’s as well. Her journey of discovery marks a path that we can also travel, to see our own past hurts and seek the healing that we need.
I highly recommend Marilyn Kriete’s “The Box Must Be Empty”. Take the journey with her.
I thoroughly enjoyed Kriete’s first book “Paradise Road”. My copy was sitting on my desk when a friend spotted it and asked about it. She borrowed it and a couple of months went by without me getting it back. When I inquired she said that she read it, her partner read it, and she was just reading it a second time before she was willing to return it to me. Marilyn Kriete writes that way.
“The Box Must Be Empty” is an important book to read, as it shines a light on many subjects that we fail to talk about today. Grief is something we are woefully unprepared to encounter- our own grief or that of a loved one, coworker or friend. Kriete’s vulnerable description of her journey gives voice and platform for exploring feelings that many of us bury or ignore. While her particular situation and life events seem, at times, unfathomable (I don’t know anyone that has moved half as many times in their lives), they are, at the same time, relatable. As she vividly describes her disappointments and frustrations and pain, one may be reminded of losses in their own life. Her struggle with faith through the challenges of grief amidst the varying opinions of religious leaders, coworkers and friends is a struggle we each must face.
While the subject matter is heavy, Kriete’s gentle voice has a strength that maintains a whisper of hope. Kriete writes that with this journey, she is able to love the different versions of herself, Young Marilyn, Middle Marilyn, and Who-she-is-today Marilyn. We get to love these different Marilyn’s as well. Her journey of discovery marks a path that we can also travel, to see our own past hurts and seek the healing that we need.
I highly recommend Marilyn Kriete’s “The Box Must Be Empty”. Take the journey with her.
February 26, 2023
The Review
This was an emotional and captivating memoir. The author does a really wonderful job of writing in a way that connects to readers who have experienced grief themselves or are survivors of an emotionally draining and complicated event themselves. The author’s story is compelling, touching upon some important themes of grief, loss, and the journey to come to terms with that grief. The imagery and tone the author strikes are both somber and yet hopeful all at once, crafting a memorable story that compels the readers to continue forward with the author as they experience this emotional weight.
The balance the author found within the context of the book was great to see unfold. From the author’s personal experiences and emotional connections to her past to the impact her grief had on her family and those around her and the importance of faith in recovering from this grief was so profoundly felt. The way the author talks about letting this grief simmer under the surface is something so many people can relate to, as it becomes instinct for many people to hold onto the things that are upsetting or emotionally draining to them and bury them under the weight of life itself. While this may seem like such a powerful tool to help cope, the result is an explosive emotional wave that can consume us far more than the initial grief itself, and the author illustrates this perfectly.
The Verdict
Emotionally driven, captivating, and engaging, author Marilyn Kriete’s “The Box Must Be Empty” is a compelling and heartfelt memoir that paints a vivid picture of the grieving process and the impact unresolved grief can have on a person’s life and those around them. The raw emotions and moving journey the author showcases in her book will resonate with readers long after the book ends.
This was an emotional and captivating memoir. The author does a really wonderful job of writing in a way that connects to readers who have experienced grief themselves or are survivors of an emotionally draining and complicated event themselves. The author’s story is compelling, touching upon some important themes of grief, loss, and the journey to come to terms with that grief. The imagery and tone the author strikes are both somber and yet hopeful all at once, crafting a memorable story that compels the readers to continue forward with the author as they experience this emotional weight.
The balance the author found within the context of the book was great to see unfold. From the author’s personal experiences and emotional connections to her past to the impact her grief had on her family and those around her and the importance of faith in recovering from this grief was so profoundly felt. The way the author talks about letting this grief simmer under the surface is something so many people can relate to, as it becomes instinct for many people to hold onto the things that are upsetting or emotionally draining to them and bury them under the weight of life itself. While this may seem like such a powerful tool to help cope, the result is an explosive emotional wave that can consume us far more than the initial grief itself, and the author illustrates this perfectly.
The Verdict
Emotionally driven, captivating, and engaging, author Marilyn Kriete’s “The Box Must Be Empty” is a compelling and heartfelt memoir that paints a vivid picture of the grieving process and the impact unresolved grief can have on a person’s life and those around them. The raw emotions and moving journey the author showcases in her book will resonate with readers long after the book ends.
March 9, 2023
‘Come swim with me to the welcoming shore’ - A pungent, sensitive, and helpful memoir
Canadian author Marilyn Kriete writes poetry and nonfiction articles for such journals as The English Bay Review, The Lyric, Storyteller, The Eastern Iowa Review, and Brevity Blog. She serves as a speaker, teacher, tutor, missionary, academic writing editor, and novelist: her books to date - PARADISE ROAD, and now THE BOX MUST BE EMPTY.
For those fortunate enough to have read her initial book, Marilyn’s refreshing writing style continues in this book about, yes, grief. She introduces the concept, message and purpose of this book in her Prologue, writing ‘Grief memoirs fill a deep need among the bereaved to connect with fellow survivors, and so I add this to the fine selection on offer. The story you hold in your hands is about grief - complicated, catastrophic, cumulative grief - and my journey through it and beyond. It’ a long hard journey, but it has a happy ending, a genuine one, so don’t despair as we travel back in time. Perhaps you’ll fine comfort and healing in your own sorrows by swimming with me through mine. Near the end, I find answers I hope will resonate, if they are meant to help you.’
Few writers can escort the reader through the tough stumbling blocks of crises - death of loved one, a flawed marriage, dysfunctional families, depression, and even loss of faith in a ministry - with the skill of this insightful author. The words flow, the emotions surge, and the empathy soars as she closes with the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. Brilliantly written and consummately interesting, this little book is a valuable assist to everyone who faces crises - and isn’t that all of us? Highly recommended
I voluntarily reviewed a complimentary copy of this book
Canadian author Marilyn Kriete writes poetry and nonfiction articles for such journals as The English Bay Review, The Lyric, Storyteller, The Eastern Iowa Review, and Brevity Blog. She serves as a speaker, teacher, tutor, missionary, academic writing editor, and novelist: her books to date - PARADISE ROAD, and now THE BOX MUST BE EMPTY.
For those fortunate enough to have read her initial book, Marilyn’s refreshing writing style continues in this book about, yes, grief. She introduces the concept, message and purpose of this book in her Prologue, writing ‘Grief memoirs fill a deep need among the bereaved to connect with fellow survivors, and so I add this to the fine selection on offer. The story you hold in your hands is about grief - complicated, catastrophic, cumulative grief - and my journey through it and beyond. It’ a long hard journey, but it has a happy ending, a genuine one, so don’t despair as we travel back in time. Perhaps you’ll fine comfort and healing in your own sorrows by swimming with me through mine. Near the end, I find answers I hope will resonate, if they are meant to help you.’
Few writers can escort the reader through the tough stumbling blocks of crises - death of loved one, a flawed marriage, dysfunctional families, depression, and even loss of faith in a ministry - with the skill of this insightful author. The words flow, the emotions surge, and the empathy soars as she closes with the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. Brilliantly written and consummately interesting, this little book is a valuable assist to everyone who faces crises - and isn’t that all of us? Highly recommended
I voluntarily reviewed a complimentary copy of this book
November 10, 2023
I was surprised how much this book resonated with me. Turned out the same book recommended to me for grieving is the one that helped author Kriete recover from her complicated grief. Contains much insight on grieving and is a worthy contribution to memoir.
I reviewed this book in the September issue of Blue Mountain Review and said, in part,
Kriete’s beautifully written second memoir, The Box Must Be Empty, unspools a journey of her “complicated, catastrophic, cumulative grief” over the loss of Jack two decades earlier played out against the backdrop of Marilyn and her husband's leadership roles as ministers in the faith community of International Churches of Christ (ICOC).
Kriete’s tsunami of grief over the loss of Jack is triggered by a viewing of the movie Titanic when she realizes Rose, now an old lady on the prow of a ship, is still mourning her young love Jack, who died as the unsinkable boat disappeared into the ocean. Although Kriete was not the only woman crying in the theater at the end of the film, she may have been the only one who could not stop for the next 20 years—to the point she could no longer fulfill her mission as a faith leader for ICOC.
Throughout confusing and contradictory counseling by a therapist member of ICOC, and doubts about her church , both Marilyn and Henry deal with loss, guilt, and shame, and, for Marilyn, finding a new path for her life. Her grief does not subside, despite a whirlwind of therapeutic modalities, until she happens on The Grief Recovery Handbook in the library: “a tested, proven way to process, release, and alchemize grief into something bearable, wearable, like a dainty cross on a gold chain, rather than the heavy, splintered, wooden version crushing my soul.”
I reviewed this book in the September issue of Blue Mountain Review and said, in part,
Kriete’s beautifully written second memoir, The Box Must Be Empty, unspools a journey of her “complicated, catastrophic, cumulative grief” over the loss of Jack two decades earlier played out against the backdrop of Marilyn and her husband's leadership roles as ministers in the faith community of International Churches of Christ (ICOC).
Kriete’s tsunami of grief over the loss of Jack is triggered by a viewing of the movie Titanic when she realizes Rose, now an old lady on the prow of a ship, is still mourning her young love Jack, who died as the unsinkable boat disappeared into the ocean. Although Kriete was not the only woman crying in the theater at the end of the film, she may have been the only one who could not stop for the next 20 years—to the point she could no longer fulfill her mission as a faith leader for ICOC.
Throughout confusing and contradictory counseling by a therapist member of ICOC, and doubts about her church , both Marilyn and Henry deal with loss, guilt, and shame, and, for Marilyn, finding a new path for her life. Her grief does not subside, despite a whirlwind of therapeutic modalities, until she happens on The Grief Recovery Handbook in the library: “a tested, proven way to process, release, and alchemize grief into something bearable, wearable, like a dainty cross on a gold chain, rather than the heavy, splintered, wooden version crushing my soul.”
March 31, 2023
The Box Must Be Empty by Marilyn Kriete is a tragedy upon another tragedy. The church the writer and her family were with did little to help their lives. Churches are supposed to uplift and encourage members during their struggles and grief. This particular church only added to the grief and caused a lot more stress than necessary. Moving away is not a solution as clearly seen in this memoir. The church operated as a cult. Cults are known to cause more problems than healing. This was also proven inside the writer's memoir. It was heartbreaking and tragic just reading this journey. It is so sad, I almost did not want to continue reading it. There are no issues of how it is written nor on the topic. But it does show that in the end, one can conquer their grief and problems. This family went through a lot of hell before there was some kind of healing for them. IN the end, it is a little bit of inspirational but not completely. It did not inspire anything for me. However, it did show what not to do and how to handle issues with better care.
I received this copy from the publisher. This is my voluntary review.
I received this copy from the publisher. This is my voluntary review.
June 15, 2025
The Box Must Be Empty by Marilyn Kriete is a deeply moving, soul-searching memoir. With raw honesty, Kriete recounts a journey marked by unimaginable loss, disappointment in God, and the pain of spiritual abuse. Her story is not just one of suffering—but of courageous perseverance and eventual healing.
This book resonates with anyone carrying unhealed wounds. Marilyn doesn’t offer easy answers, but she does offer hope. Her grief is complex and real, yet through it all, she presses into faith rather than away from it. And God, ever faithful, meets her not late—but right on time.
Alongside her is a quiet hero—her husband—who, despite his own health struggles, walks with her every step of the way. Together, they are examples of enduring faith, the kind that will one day hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
This isn’t just a memoir. It’s a lifeline for anyone drowning in sorrow, a testimony that healing is possible—and that our pain is never wasted.
This book resonates with anyone carrying unhealed wounds. Marilyn doesn’t offer easy answers, but she does offer hope. Her grief is complex and real, yet through it all, she presses into faith rather than away from it. And God, ever faithful, meets her not late—but right on time.
Alongside her is a quiet hero—her husband—who, despite his own health struggles, walks with her every step of the way. Together, they are examples of enduring faith, the kind that will one day hear, “Well done, good and faithful servant.”
This isn’t just a memoir. It’s a lifeline for anyone drowning in sorrow, a testimony that healing is possible—and that our pain is never wasted.
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