AN ABRIDGED VERSION OF MILLER'S OWN STORY
This 1973 publication was abridged from the original edition of 'My Life and Times.' Bradley Smith notes in the Preface, "This account of Miller's life was talked out word for word over many a gin and tonic... Our talks, which were prologues to the hours spent in the conversations that were put on tape, were invariably interrupted... When I first suggested an autobiography to Miller, he said, 'But I just finished making a motion picture of my life...' When I objected, saying that a book was not a film and that I hoped to have him retell the story of his life, he reluctantly agreed... our conversations were like continuous explorations into the reality of the past." (Pg. 4-6)
Miller says, "Actually, you don't have a choice. We THINK we have choices, but your temperament, your character and your previous mode of living---everything that you have done in your life---dictate what you will do, whether you like it or not." (Pg. 11) He explains, "I am a man who's constantly falling in love. People say I am an incurable romantic. Perhaps I am. In any case, I'm grateful to the powers that be that I am that way. It's brought me sorrow and joy. I wouldn't want it any other way. People work better, create better, when they are in love." (Pg. 17)
He suggests, "I don't think what is called the work of the world, this everyday work that is glorified, is really so important. It would be much much better if people were told to be lazy, shirk their jobs, be idlers, enjoy, relax, not care, not worry. I think we'd get all that work done some other way." (Pg. 21) He says, "I am a film addict and a book addict, too, but they are not equal in effect. The film satisfies something in me which books don't... [but] a film doesn't stay with you as a book does. A book is real meat and substance... A film, if it's a good one, is something which gives you a few wonderful moments and then fades away." (Pg. 28)
He admits, "I struggled in the beginning. I said I was going to write the truth, so help me God... I found I couldn't. Nobody can write the absolute truth. It's impossible. Your ego won't permit it. I think the truth is something that slides through your fingers... I think we live lies. All of us. We never live face to face with the reality about ourselves." (Pg. 42) He later adds, "No man is as full of chaos as I am. People think I am an orderly man. My house is orderly, and my work table is orderly. But inside I'm a raging chaos. I don't think I could be creative if I weren't so chaotic." (Pg. 90)
He observes, "It's a hard thing for some people to understand, how one can enjoy life when living at the bottom of the pile. Yet I think that that is the most important thing that ever happened to me, to be without anything, no crutch of any kind, cut off completely from all help. You have to FIND it every day, this help; you have to learn to live from day to day. Sure, you suffer and you're miserable, but it's so interesting and so fascinating that you become thoroughly alive." (Pg. 104)
Real "fans" of Miller will want to read the complete work, rather than just this abridgement; but this shorter work is interesting in its own right, and provides insights into the man and the writer.