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Erotic Intelligence: Igniting Hot, Healthy Sex While in Recovery from Sex Addiction
In the journey to sexual sobriety, many recovering sex addicts find themselves wondering, "Will I ever have an exciting and fulfilling romantic relationship?" or "Can I repair my marriage now that I've confessed my destructive behavior?" and "Will I ever have great sex again?" The answers to all three questions are, "Yes, yes, and yes."
As a sex, marriage, and family therapist, Alexandra Katehakis has helped thousands of recovering sex addicts and their partners discover and hone their "erotic intelligence," or their ability to make sexual choices that affirm life in healthy, imaginative, and exciting ways. By embracing their erotic intelligence, they can make sense of the past, create new and healthy habits in the present, and look toward a more intimate, erotic, and spiritual relationship in the future that nurtures honesty and closeness. With Katehakis' help, sex addicts can get in touch with their healthy sexual side—and when they are ready, be able to embrace true intimacy and acceptance in themselves and in their partners.
With exercises, practical tips, and true stories of both singles and couples who have been successful on their path, Erotic Intelligence is a must-read for those in recovery and those who love them.
As a sex, marriage, and family therapist, Alexandra Katehakis has helped thousands of recovering sex addicts and their partners discover and hone their "erotic intelligence," or their ability to make sexual choices that affirm life in healthy, imaginative, and exciting ways. By embracing their erotic intelligence, they can make sense of the past, create new and healthy habits in the present, and look toward a more intimate, erotic, and spiritual relationship in the future that nurtures honesty and closeness. With Katehakis' help, sex addicts can get in touch with their healthy sexual side—and when they are ready, be able to embrace true intimacy and acceptance in themselves and in their partners.
With exercises, practical tips, and true stories of both singles and couples who have been successful on their path, Erotic Intelligence is a must-read for those in recovery and those who love them.
288 pages, Paperback
First published April 5, 2010
63 people are currently reading
256 people want to read
About the author
Alexandra Katehakis
9 books27 followersAlexandra Katehakis, Ph.D., MFT, CSAT-S, CST-S is a Marriage Family Therapist, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist/Supervisor and Certified Sex Therapist/Supervisor, and Clinical Director of Center for Healthy Sex in Los Angeles. Dr. Katehakis has extensive experience in working with a full spectrum of sexuality; from sexual addiction to sex therapy, as well as and problems of sexual desire and sexual dysfunction for individuals and couples. She has successfully facilitated the recovery of many sexually addicted individuals and assisted couples in revitalizing their sex lives. She earned her Ph.D. from the Institute for Advanced Study of Human Sexuality.
Dr. Katehakis has lectured for the U.S. Journal Training Conference series, the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health, the UCLA Annual Attachment Conference, the Psychotherapy Networker Annual Conference, the Couple’s Conference, Women’s Association of Addiction Treatment, Mt. Sinai Medical School, AIDS Project LA, Eastern Group Psychotherapy Society, Phillips Graduate Institute and Pepperdine University and teaches workshops on healthy sexuality in retreat settings, such as the Esalen Institute in Big Sur, California.
Alexandra has been a guest on several national radio, podcast, and news media programs including NPR, Inside Hollywood, Dr. Drew Live, Conversations with Alanis Morissette, Voice America, Sounds True, and WebMD. She has been a regular guest blogger at Psychology Today, Huffington Post, PsychCentral and has published in the Journal of Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity and the American Journal of Play. Additionally, Alexandra has been featured as a sex addiction and sex therapy expert in publications from New York Magazine, NBC News, Men's Health, Rolling Stone, the LA Times, The Hollywood Reporter, and the Washington Post.
She is the author of Sexual Reflections: A Workbook for Designing and Celebrating Your Sexual Health Plan (2018), Sex Addiction as Affect Dysregulation: A Neurobiologically Informed Holistic Treatment (2016), Erotic Intelligence: Igniting Hot Healthy Sex after Recovery From Sex Addiction (2010), co-author of Mirror of Intimacy: Daily Reflections on Emotional and Erotic Intelligence (2014), and a contributing author to Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts (2012) — all available on Amazon.
Professional affiliations include member of the teaching faculty at the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP); certification/membership/supervisor American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT); membership American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (AAMFT); and membership California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (CAMFT). MFC 36902
Dr. Katehakis is dedicated to continuous improvement of her knowledge and clinical skills and is a member of Dr. Alan Schore’s monthly study group since 2007 and other peer consultation groups. Most recently, Dr. Katehakis received the IITAP 2018 Leadership Award and was the 2012 recipient of the Carnes Award, a prestigious acknowledgement for her significant contributions to the field of sex addiction. She is also the 2013 co-recipient of the Clark Vincent Award for her role in writing sections of the clinical textbook Making Advances, the 2015 Book of the Year Award from AASECT for Mirror of Intimacy, and the 2016 Clark Vincent Award for Mirror of Intimacy.
Dr. Katehakis has lectured for the U.S. Journal Training Conference series, the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health, the UCLA Annual Attachment Conference, the Psychotherapy Networker Annual Conference, the Couple’s Conference, Women’s Association of Addiction Treatment, Mt. Sinai Medical School, AIDS Project LA, Eastern Group Psychotherapy Society, Phillips Graduate Institute and Pepperdine University and teaches workshops on healthy sexuality in retreat settings, such as the Esalen Institute in Big Sur, California.
Alexandra has been a guest on several national radio, podcast, and news media programs including NPR, Inside Hollywood, Dr. Drew Live, Conversations with Alanis Morissette, Voice America, Sounds True, and WebMD. She has been a regular guest blogger at Psychology Today, Huffington Post, PsychCentral and has published in the Journal of Sexual Addiction and Compulsivity and the American Journal of Play. Additionally, Alexandra has been featured as a sex addiction and sex therapy expert in publications from New York Magazine, NBC News, Men's Health, Rolling Stone, the LA Times, The Hollywood Reporter, and the Washington Post.
She is the author of Sexual Reflections: A Workbook for Designing and Celebrating Your Sexual Health Plan (2018), Sex Addiction as Affect Dysregulation: A Neurobiologically Informed Holistic Treatment (2016), Erotic Intelligence: Igniting Hot Healthy Sex after Recovery From Sex Addiction (2010), co-author of Mirror of Intimacy: Daily Reflections on Emotional and Erotic Intelligence (2014), and a contributing author to Making Advances: A Comprehensive Guide for Treating Female Sex and Love Addicts (2012) — all available on Amazon.
Professional affiliations include member of the teaching faculty at the International Institute for Trauma and Addiction Professionals (IITAP); certification/membership/supervisor American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT); membership American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (AAMFT); and membership California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists (CAMFT). MFC 36902
Dr. Katehakis is dedicated to continuous improvement of her knowledge and clinical skills and is a member of Dr. Alan Schore’s monthly study group since 2007 and other peer consultation groups. Most recently, Dr. Katehakis received the IITAP 2018 Leadership Award and was the 2012 recipient of the Carnes Award, a prestigious acknowledgement for her significant contributions to the field of sex addiction. She is also the 2013 co-recipient of the Clark Vincent Award for her role in writing sections of the clinical textbook Making Advances, the 2015 Book of the Year Award from AASECT for Mirror of Intimacy, and the 2016 Clark Vincent Award for Mirror of Intimacy.
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
July 13, 2010
Erotic Intelligence: Igniting Hot, Healthy Sex While in Recovery from Sex Addiction, written by Psychologist, Alexandra Katehakis, gives readers a peek into the minds of those recovering from sexual addiction. For example, we learn that recovery doesn't mean that all sex must end - rather, that sex-addicts can indeed have active and healthy lives - that include sex.
Erotic Intelligence provides a practical guide for those people (and their partners) recovering from sexual addiction. They'll learn how to get back on a safe and healthy path that will lead to self-fulfillment and trust while coming to terms with their sexuality issues.
Katehakis offers information about "the four cornerstones of intimacy" that are vital in order for sex-addicts to recover in a healthy manner while releasing the pain of the stories behind the sexual addition. The four cornerstones are:
• Self-Knowledge - A crucial cornerstone for building recovery from sexual addition. The sex-addict must be comfortable with who he is at the end stages of recovery.
• Comfort and Connection - Normalcy is extremely important in the recovery of a sex-addict. Comforting his own anxieties and being able to connect with a partner without reacting to negative feelings is essential.
• Responsibility and Discernment - Assertiveness and taking responsibility for their own actions are positive steps in sexual-addiction recovery.
• Empathy with Emotion - Sex-addicts often have problems in dealing with others' emotions and empathizing with others' feelings. Developing these aptitudes help enormously in the recovery efforts.
Without the knowledge of these four cornerstones of intimacy, true intimacy can never be fulfilled for sex-addicts and their partners. Erotic Intelligence erases any doubts from the sex-addict's mind that he or she can build a life on these cornerstones -- finally reach a place where relationships are possible through authentic relating and conscious loving.
Honesty, intimacy and spirituality are part of the plan that Alexandra Katehakis presents in her book, Erotic Intelligence. Her informed understanding of the challenges that sex-addicts face in their recoveries makes the book a powerful guide that is sure to give hope for the future to those recovering from sexual addiction.
Erotic Intelligence: Igniting Hot, Healthy Sex While in Recovery from Sex Addiction, by Alexandra Katehakis allows the recovering sex-addict to continually explore relationships and love in a realistic manner that will bring about an understanding of the reality of love - and what it really means.
Review by Lauren Smith
Erotic Intelligence by Alexandra Katehakis
Article Source: Sex After Sex Addiction
Erotic Intelligence provides a practical guide for those people (and their partners) recovering from sexual addiction. They'll learn how to get back on a safe and healthy path that will lead to self-fulfillment and trust while coming to terms with their sexuality issues.
Katehakis offers information about "the four cornerstones of intimacy" that are vital in order for sex-addicts to recover in a healthy manner while releasing the pain of the stories behind the sexual addition. The four cornerstones are:
• Self-Knowledge - A crucial cornerstone for building recovery from sexual addition. The sex-addict must be comfortable with who he is at the end stages of recovery.
• Comfort and Connection - Normalcy is extremely important in the recovery of a sex-addict. Comforting his own anxieties and being able to connect with a partner without reacting to negative feelings is essential.
• Responsibility and Discernment - Assertiveness and taking responsibility for their own actions are positive steps in sexual-addiction recovery.
• Empathy with Emotion - Sex-addicts often have problems in dealing with others' emotions and empathizing with others' feelings. Developing these aptitudes help enormously in the recovery efforts.
Without the knowledge of these four cornerstones of intimacy, true intimacy can never be fulfilled for sex-addicts and their partners. Erotic Intelligence erases any doubts from the sex-addict's mind that he or she can build a life on these cornerstones -- finally reach a place where relationships are possible through authentic relating and conscious loving.
Honesty, intimacy and spirituality are part of the plan that Alexandra Katehakis presents in her book, Erotic Intelligence. Her informed understanding of the challenges that sex-addicts face in their recoveries makes the book a powerful guide that is sure to give hope for the future to those recovering from sexual addiction.
Erotic Intelligence: Igniting Hot, Healthy Sex While in Recovery from Sex Addiction, by Alexandra Katehakis allows the recovering sex-addict to continually explore relationships and love in a realistic manner that will bring about an understanding of the reality of love - and what it really means.
Review by Lauren Smith
Erotic Intelligence by Alexandra Katehakis
Article Source: Sex After Sex Addiction
December 17, 2019
Listening to this author speak on a podcast recently, I realized something had been missing from the majority of my past intimate encounters - intimacy! And, encounters without intimacy can leave a woman feeling bewildered, used, abused or objectified but mostly bored, ignored and terribly unsatisfied. I needed to know more - what went wrong, how to fix it. So, I ordered her book. Even though it says it’s for recovering sex addicts, I figured I might get a sense of what true intimacy might look like, sex addict or not. It delivered on that.
I learned that healthy, fulfilling, erotic and sensual sex had previously been denied to me because I’ve likely mostly been with sex addicts of one variety or another - or at the very least, men who unfortunately learned to have sex from watching too much porn. Sex addicts who probably had no clue they were bordering on addiction, if not fully immersed in it. Sex addicts who seem to gain so much pleasure from their addiction that they don’t pause to consider that it’s actually hurting them and likely traumatizing their partners, if not just leaving them feeling empty and incredibly unfulfilled.
I feel absolutely cheated by my past “intimate” experiences now. But, I’m hopeful that after having read this book, that I might be able to introduce this type of physical yet soulful heart connection into the bedroom with someone who might actually be willing to go deeper than the shallow, self-serving and objectifying nonsense that currently seems to be trending in our society.
I learned that healthy, fulfilling, erotic and sensual sex had previously been denied to me because I’ve likely mostly been with sex addicts of one variety or another - or at the very least, men who unfortunately learned to have sex from watching too much porn. Sex addicts who probably had no clue they were bordering on addiction, if not fully immersed in it. Sex addicts who seem to gain so much pleasure from their addiction that they don’t pause to consider that it’s actually hurting them and likely traumatizing their partners, if not just leaving them feeling empty and incredibly unfulfilled.
I feel absolutely cheated by my past “intimate” experiences now. But, I’m hopeful that after having read this book, that I might be able to introduce this type of physical yet soulful heart connection into the bedroom with someone who might actually be willing to go deeper than the shallow, self-serving and objectifying nonsense that currently seems to be trending in our society.
February 1, 2023
The author outlines and unpacks 4 cornerstones of healthy, differentiated, honest sex that truly connects with person you love. Lots of practical exercises for recovering addicts and their partners but likely helpful for anyone seeking a more authentic intimate connection with their partner.
April 5, 2013
from the library
from the library computer:
Table of Contents
Foreword xi
Acknowledgments xiii
Introduction xvii
The Dance of Intimacy and Sexuality
1 (18)
Cutting New Grooves
19 (20)
What's Love Got to Do with It?
39 (24)
Nourishment for Sumptuous Sex
63 (24)
Conscious Connection in Coupleship
87 (26)
Down to the Nitty-Gritty
113 (26)
Integrating Love and Healthy Lust
139 (22)
Pillow Talk and Much More
161 (16)
The Essence of Eroticism
177 (20)
Role-Playing and Sexual Fantasy
197 (16)
Spiritualizing Sex
213 (18)
Afterword 231 (2)
Resources for Support 233 (6)
Additional Resources 239 (2)
Notes 241 (4)
Bibliography 245 (4)
Index 249
from the library computer:
Table of Contents
Foreword xi
Acknowledgments xiii
Introduction xvii
The Dance of Intimacy and Sexuality
1 (18)
Cutting New Grooves
19 (20)
What's Love Got to Do with It?
39 (24)
Nourishment for Sumptuous Sex
63 (24)
Conscious Connection in Coupleship
87 (26)
Down to the Nitty-Gritty
113 (26)
Integrating Love and Healthy Lust
139 (22)
Pillow Talk and Much More
161 (16)
The Essence of Eroticism
177 (20)
Role-Playing and Sexual Fantasy
197 (16)
Spiritualizing Sex
213 (18)
Afterword 231 (2)
Resources for Support 233 (6)
Additional Resources 239 (2)
Notes 241 (4)
Bibliography 245 (4)
Index 249
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews