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Memoirs of a Man's Maiden Years
"I was born a boy, raised as a girl. . . . One may raise a healthy boy in as womanish a manner as one wishes, and a female creature in as mannish; never will this cause their senses to remain forever reversed."
So writes the pseudonymous N. O. Body, born in 1884 with ambiguous genitalia and assigned a female identity in early infancy. Brought up as a girl, "she" nevertheless asserted stereotypical male behavior from early on. In the end, it was a passionate love affair with a married woman that brought matters to a head. Desperately confused, suicidally depressed, and in consultation with Magnus Hirschfeld, one of the most eminent and controversial sexologists of the day, "she" decided to become "he."
Originally published in 1907 and now available for the first time in English, "Memoirs of a Man's Maiden Years" describes a childhood and youth in Kaiser Wilhelm's Germany that is shaped by bourgeois attitudes and stifled by convention. It is, at the same time, a book startlingly charged with sexuality. Yet, however frank the memoirist may be about matters physical or emotional, Hermann Simon reveals in his afterword the full extent of the lengths to which N. O. Body went to hide not just his true name but a second secret, his Jewish identity. And here, Sander L. Gilman suggests in his brilliant preface, may lie the crucial hint to solving the real riddle of the ambiguously gendered N. O. Body.
So writes the pseudonymous N. O. Body, born in 1884 with ambiguous genitalia and assigned a female identity in early infancy. Brought up as a girl, "she" nevertheless asserted stereotypical male behavior from early on. In the end, it was a passionate love affair with a married woman that brought matters to a head. Desperately confused, suicidally depressed, and in consultation with Magnus Hirschfeld, one of the most eminent and controversial sexologists of the day, "she" decided to become "he."
Originally published in 1907 and now available for the first time in English, "Memoirs of a Man's Maiden Years" describes a childhood and youth in Kaiser Wilhelm's Germany that is shaped by bourgeois attitudes and stifled by convention. It is, at the same time, a book startlingly charged with sexuality. Yet, however frank the memoirist may be about matters physical or emotional, Hermann Simon reveals in his afterword the full extent of the lengths to which N. O. Body went to hide not just his true name but a second secret, his Jewish identity. And here, Sander L. Gilman suggests in his brilliant preface, may lie the crucial hint to solving the real riddle of the ambiguously gendered N. O. Body.
160 pages, Paperback
First published December 15, 2005
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Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews
September 24, 2022
"Ich bin als Knabe geboren, als Mädchen erzogen worden." Wie eine einfache Aussage, die sich in den Jahren als falsch entpuppt, das Leben einer Person verändern kann, wird in den Memoiren des Karl. M. Baer wiedergegeben. Der Arzt diagnostiziert bei der Geburt" einen femininen Eindruck, ergo haben wir ein Mädchen vor uns." Damit wird Karl als Martha großgezogen, bis er mit 21 Jahren einen juristischen Antrag auf Änderung des Geschlechtseintags stellt. Die irrtümlich Geschlechtsbestimmung bei der Geburt lag bei einer angeborenen Fehlbildung des Geschlechtsorgans Karls. Der Arzt normiert ihn als Mädchen und damit beginnt ein hartes Leben für den in Mädchenkleidern gezwungenen Jungen. Er wird für seine tiefe Stimme, für seinen leichten Bartwuchs gemobbt und erkennt recht früh, dass er sich nicht als Frau identifiziert. 21 Jahre lang führt er diese Lüge fort.
1907 veröffentlicht und damit ein relativ frühes Zeugnis einer identitären Krise und ihren affektiven Auswirkungen. Karl beschreibt sehr eindrucksvoll wie er diverse schwierige Situationen bewältigt hat und dadurch zu seiner wahren Identität gekommen ist.
Einzig und allein empfinde ich die teilweise klischeehaften Beschreibungen der Geschlechterrollen als störend, aber das ist dem damaligen Diskurs geschuldet. Daher würde ich die Lektüre dennoch empfehlen, da sie für das angehende 20. Jahrhundert eine sehr spannende und progressive Thematik eröffnet.
1907 veröffentlicht und damit ein relativ frühes Zeugnis einer identitären Krise und ihren affektiven Auswirkungen. Karl beschreibt sehr eindrucksvoll wie er diverse schwierige Situationen bewältigt hat und dadurch zu seiner wahren Identität gekommen ist.
Einzig und allein empfinde ich die teilweise klischeehaften Beschreibungen der Geschlechterrollen als störend, aber das ist dem damaligen Diskurs geschuldet. Daher würde ich die Lektüre dennoch empfehlen, da sie für das angehende 20. Jahrhundert eine sehr spannende und progressive Thematik eröffnet.
January 12, 2024
new favorite book. this was given to me by a beautiful trans woman in my community during a time i really needed to feel seen. even though these memoirs take place about 100 years before i was born, it’s remarkable how much the transmasc experience stays the same and just how many parallels there are to my life. i love this book more than anything, i love the way trans men describe love and sexuality and manhood, i love that trans people really do get happy endings
February 13, 2025
„Das Neue und Unnatürliche wird nicht gut, sanft und gefahrlos davon, daß wir nicht hinsehen. Und das angeblich Widerliche, von dem wir durchaus Normalen uns gern wie vor Unreinem abwenden, verschwindet nicht von der Erde dadurch, daß wir seine Existenz leugnen. Vor allem aber: die leibliche und seelische Gesundheit der Menschheit hat noch niemals aus der Heuchelei Gewinn gezogen.“
Sehr wichtig und interessant als historische Quelle, aber natürlich mit einem dementsprechenden Diskurs zum Thema Gender. Wer eine moderne Diskussion mit Begriffen des 21. Jahrhunderts erwartet (wie einige Reviews hier 🤭), sollte wohl eher moderne Memoiren lesen.
Interessanter als den Text an sich fand ich das Vorwort und Nachwort von 1907, und die Forschung zum vorerst anonym gebliebenen Autor Karl M. Baer. Ich fand es schade aber sehr verständlich, dass Baer seine jüdische Identität geheim hielt und seine Memoiren dementsprechend fiktionalisiert hat. Es war unglaublich, Worte von vor über 100 Jahren zu lesen, die den gleichen Respekt für Trans- und Intersexuelle Personen fordern wie wir es heute tun.
„Die alte Freiheitsforderung: Gleiches Recht für alle wurzelt viel mehr in der Verschiedenheit als in der Gleichheit der Menschen. Damit jede Persönlichkeit sich frei und schön entfalten kann, müssen jeder die gleichen Möglichkeiten gegeben werden.“
Auch wenn Begrifflichkeiten sich ändern, geschlechtliche Vielfalt hat es schon immer gegeben und wird es immer geben ❤️🩹
Sehr wichtig und interessant als historische Quelle, aber natürlich mit einem dementsprechenden Diskurs zum Thema Gender. Wer eine moderne Diskussion mit Begriffen des 21. Jahrhunderts erwartet (wie einige Reviews hier 🤭), sollte wohl eher moderne Memoiren lesen.
Interessanter als den Text an sich fand ich das Vorwort und Nachwort von 1907, und die Forschung zum vorerst anonym gebliebenen Autor Karl M. Baer. Ich fand es schade aber sehr verständlich, dass Baer seine jüdische Identität geheim hielt und seine Memoiren dementsprechend fiktionalisiert hat. Es war unglaublich, Worte von vor über 100 Jahren zu lesen, die den gleichen Respekt für Trans- und Intersexuelle Personen fordern wie wir es heute tun.
„Die alte Freiheitsforderung: Gleiches Recht für alle wurzelt viel mehr in der Verschiedenheit als in der Gleichheit der Menschen. Damit jede Persönlichkeit sich frei und schön entfalten kann, müssen jeder die gleichen Möglichkeiten gegeben werden.“
Auch wenn Begrifflichkeiten sich ändern, geschlechtliche Vielfalt hat es schon immer gegeben und wird es immer geben ❤️🩹
March 9, 2023
4.5/5
What a fabulous book to end Pride month on (albeit a wee bit late)!
'Memoirs of a Man's Maiden Years' is one of those delightfully complicated texts that can be examined through many lenses.
A very literal reading gives us the memoirs of an intersex person who was raised female and then as a young adult transitioned both socially and medically to male in the early 20th century in Germany. He describes his confusion and discomfort as a child and his eventual relief at later being properly re-classified as a man. As a part of queer, and specifically, trans history, the importance of this text cannot be understated. Though the writer, N.O. Body (revealed in the introduction to have been Karl M. Baer) would likely even now not identify as transgender, but rather, as an intersex man, there is tremendous overlap. The fact that he underwent gender affirming surgery in the 1910s is both shocking and validating of the narrative that trans (or at least non-cisgender) people have always existed, and that the determination of sex, even physiologically, is imperfect. And if even determining biological sex is that imperfect, well then, imagine trying to prescribe something as slippery as gender!
The Preface, provided by Sander L. Gilman, and the Afterward, provided by Hermann Simon, are bookends to the memoirs themselves that attempt to fill in the gaps the author leaves in his own narrative, and provide historical context of contemporary discussions of hermaphroditism (now generally referred to as 'intersex') and Jewish identity respectively.
Both the preface and the afterward are incredibly academic, and clearly not meant for casual reading. They are interesting and do add nuance, but the core component, really, is the memoir itself. Lucky us: N.O.Body just so happened to have been a good writer in addition to simply having lived a life of inherent interest.
Though not, as stated above, a perfect 1-1, so much of N.O. Body's depiction of their childhood experiences would absolutely resonate with trans readers. There are several truly heartbreaking passages in which the author searches for representation of someone else like him, and attempts to create an identity for himself and understand why he is seen as so different from his peers.
"My favorite subject was natural history. I found anthropology most fascinating. I had now realized I could not understand the secret that was wrapped around my strangeness by brooding over theories. Thus I waited with bated breath in natural history lessons for a word that might have guided me onto the right path." (47)
Eventually, he finds a narrative that reminds him of himself when reading the story of Achilles, whose mother dresses him as a girl to protect him at one point in his myth. "With feverish excitement, I read the legend to the end. I rejoiced. I was saved!" (32)
Later, though, this identification he felt with Achilles's story sours as he begins to go through a puberty he (being raised as a girl) was completely unprepared for and horrified by:
"By coincidence, I read in a book that consumptives are hoarse. Now I knew what was wrong with me, and in my lively imagination I thought I felt all the symptoms mentioned in the book. [...] Religious instruction made an especially strong impression on me. [...] God was not a loving, but rather an angry father. I understood this well. [...] I, a poor lonely child, had been chosen to take all of the suffering of the world upon myself." (41, 43)
Convinced that he's dying of consumption (since neither of his parents will tell him the truth about his body), as a tween, he becomes convinced that his death is imminent:
"In this lonely sorrow, my thoughts of death became ever stronger and more certain, and when I lay in my bed, I cried for a long while, full of scalding self-pity [...] I forgave my parents the injustice of raising the boy I felt myself to be as a girl. I forgave my little tormentors at school all their brutality and the teasing with which they had so often tortured me." (42)
As alluded to here, as a child and later as a teenager, he is teased and ostracized by first the girls around him, who mock him for looking like a boy, and then the boys, who won't be seen hanging out with a girl.
Again, though in N.O.Body's case his sex and gender identity do ultimately align, these are experiences that many trans people have before and during puberty; the cruelness of children (likely picked up from their parents) a sadly common thread. It is also a very strong anecdotal case to suggest that gender identity is an innate thing, and a person being pushed into the gender roles associated with one sex over the other causes cognitive dissonance and anxiety, much of which could be avoided if gender identity is allowed to be explored and openly lauded as a valid option.
Being cisgender or being straight may account for the vast majority of people, but that oughtn't make it the default or the 'normal' against which everything else is measured. This has been demonstrated over and over again in numerous studies that all point to the breakdown of rigid, arbitrary gender roles and representation in media of diverse peoples being the antidote to the angst felt by people like N.O.Body and countless other people who have fallen outside the cisgender, heteronormative box.
This is important to discuss now more than ever in a time where alt-right fascism is on the rise in countries previously viewed as socially progressive. We must remember that legislation such as Florida's 'Don't Say Gay' bill don't prevent the 'indoctrination' of children into the 'gay agenda' as they claim, but rather, create thousands of people just like the depressed, lonely kid in Germany at the turn of the century who thought he was cursed by God to die of consumption.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
a lovely quote
What a fabulous book to end Pride month on (albeit a wee bit late)!
'Memoirs of a Man's Maiden Years' is one of those delightfully complicated texts that can be examined through many lenses.
A very literal reading gives us the memoirs of an intersex person who was raised female and then as a young adult transitioned both socially and medically to male in the early 20th century in Germany. He describes his confusion and discomfort as a child and his eventual relief at later being properly re-classified as a man. As a part of queer, and specifically, trans history, the importance of this text cannot be understated. Though the writer, N.O. Body (revealed in the introduction to have been Karl M. Baer) would likely even now not identify as transgender, but rather, as an intersex man, there is tremendous overlap. The fact that he underwent gender affirming surgery in the 1910s is both shocking and validating of the narrative that trans (or at least non-cisgender) people have always existed, and that the determination of sex, even physiologically, is imperfect. And if even determining biological sex is that imperfect, well then, imagine trying to prescribe something as slippery as gender!
The Preface, provided by Sander L. Gilman, and the Afterward, provided by Hermann Simon, are bookends to the memoirs themselves that attempt to fill in the gaps the author leaves in his own narrative, and provide historical context of contemporary discussions of hermaphroditism (now generally referred to as 'intersex') and Jewish identity respectively.
Both the preface and the afterward are incredibly academic, and clearly not meant for casual reading. They are interesting and do add nuance, but the core component, really, is the memoir itself. Lucky us: N.O.Body just so happened to have been a good writer in addition to simply having lived a life of inherent interest.
Though not, as stated above, a perfect 1-1, so much of N.O. Body's depiction of their childhood experiences would absolutely resonate with trans readers. There are several truly heartbreaking passages in which the author searches for representation of someone else like him, and attempts to create an identity for himself and understand why he is seen as so different from his peers.
"My favorite subject was natural history. I found anthropology most fascinating. I had now realized I could not understand the secret that was wrapped around my strangeness by brooding over theories. Thus I waited with bated breath in natural history lessons for a word that might have guided me onto the right path." (47)
Eventually, he finds a narrative that reminds him of himself when reading the story of Achilles, whose mother dresses him as a girl to protect him at one point in his myth. "With feverish excitement, I read the legend to the end. I rejoiced. I was saved!" (32)
Later, though, this identification he felt with Achilles's story sours as he begins to go through a puberty he (being raised as a girl) was completely unprepared for and horrified by:
"By coincidence, I read in a book that consumptives are hoarse. Now I knew what was wrong with me, and in my lively imagination I thought I felt all the symptoms mentioned in the book. [...] Religious instruction made an especially strong impression on me. [...] God was not a loving, but rather an angry father. I understood this well. [...] I, a poor lonely child, had been chosen to take all of the suffering of the world upon myself." (41, 43)
Convinced that he's dying of consumption (since neither of his parents will tell him the truth about his body), as a tween, he becomes convinced that his death is imminent:
"In this lonely sorrow, my thoughts of death became ever stronger and more certain, and when I lay in my bed, I cried for a long while, full of scalding self-pity [...] I forgave my parents the injustice of raising the boy I felt myself to be as a girl. I forgave my little tormentors at school all their brutality and the teasing with which they had so often tortured me." (42)
As alluded to here, as a child and later as a teenager, he is teased and ostracized by first the girls around him, who mock him for looking like a boy, and then the boys, who won't be seen hanging out with a girl.
Again, though in N.O.Body's case his sex and gender identity do ultimately align, these are experiences that many trans people have before and during puberty; the cruelness of children (likely picked up from their parents) a sadly common thread. It is also a very strong anecdotal case to suggest that gender identity is an innate thing, and a person being pushed into the gender roles associated with one sex over the other causes cognitive dissonance and anxiety, much of which could be avoided if gender identity is allowed to be explored and openly lauded as a valid option.
Being cisgender or being straight may account for the vast majority of people, but that oughtn't make it the default or the 'normal' against which everything else is measured. This has been demonstrated over and over again in numerous studies that all point to the breakdown of rigid, arbitrary gender roles and representation in media of diverse peoples being the antidote to the angst felt by people like N.O.Body and countless other people who have fallen outside the cisgender, heteronormative box.
This is important to discuss now more than ever in a time where alt-right fascism is on the rise in countries previously viewed as socially progressive. We must remember that legislation such as Florida's 'Don't Say Gay' bill don't prevent the 'indoctrination' of children into the 'gay agenda' as they claim, but rather, create thousands of people just like the depressed, lonely kid in Germany at the turn of the century who thought he was cursed by God to die of consumption.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
a lovely quote
The leafy tree protected us from the sun and at the same time from unwanted eyes during our games [...] That tree no longer stands there. When I visited my hometown a short while ago in order to see the sites of my childhood once again, I searched for the elder tree. But it had been chopped down when its dead branches no longer provided any shade [...]
This seemed to be an allegory about life: one goes forth to search for the blooming bushes of childhood and finds autumnal creeper growing rampant where one left behind blooming roses. Fortunate is he who is able to take delight in the blaze of color of the leaves when he has overcome his disappointment. However, many set forth in search of roses and forget that winter has set in. It is those people whose souls bleed when they search for their childhood. The wind has caused the rose to shed its petals, and those people grasp at thorns. (16,17)
November 3, 2022
A boy is born and a doctor thinks he is a girl. The parents are stupid and raise him as a girl for his whole youth. This is an autobiography of someone who believes they are a girl but comes out later in life and accepts they are a boy. Really fucked up and it makes sense why he is so psychological damaged.
October 12, 2022
filled with outdated jargon and weird misogynistic takes, i wouldn’t recommend this book. not to mention better, more recent memoirs and autobiographies can help readers to understand the struggles + triumphs of being trans in more modern terms/language
September 28, 2024
Interesting, but the conception of feminism is completely bizarre. So much Mak superiority bull shit
July 14, 2022
Content warnings are listed at the end of my review!
Memoirs of a Man’s Maiden Years is a interesting piece of history, documenting a case of hypospadias causing a rushed female gender assignment that turned to be wrong. This gives us the fleshed out story of Karl M. Baer's transition, now recognized as one of the first people to undergo sexual reassignment surgery.
The preface attempts to contextualize the text by providing a look at the science and politics at the time and region, explaining antisemitism’s effects on science and what was known about sexuality, sex, and gender- transitioning was a way to escape being gay. In the forward right before the true memoir, we learn the important information that this book was a tool of empowerment into his new identity, by accepting his past he could fully move into being a man. This intent is deeply seen in the writing of him recounting his years before living as his true self, as the main focus is on the “maiden years”.
The epilogue provides a medical recommendation and validation for cases like this patient to avoid such turmoil. In the afterword, a deep look into the anonymity of the writer N.O. Body plays out, revealing his true identity and unveiling the aspect that were blurred to protect his privacy. This provides critical context to the author’s life, explaining his Jewish identity that was hidden from the memoirs.
Altogether this gives a fascinating historical context to sciences regarding sex and gender at the time. This book does shy from going deeply into the details of his condition and transition, leaving it feeling like only half, or fragmented parts of the whole story. It reads almost like a therapy session, reminding you of the forward explaining this book was a form of catharsis for him. The readability of the preface and afterword additions was somewhat rocky compared to the actual memoirs, leaving them to feel almost out of place despite their value to supplement the text.
Summary:
Readability: ★★★☆☆, The memoirs itself kept me captivated, usually providing frequent enough scene changes and interesting details. The preface and afterword effect this score, as I feel that they could have been composed in a way that preserved the flow better.
Usefulness: ★★☆☆☆, Short and interesting read, but a summary of the situation or excerpts would suffice.
Audience: Anyone who is interested in the topic.
Content warning: antisemitism, bullying, parental abuse, racism, sexism, sexual themes, suicidal thoughts
Memoirs of a Man’s Maiden Years is a interesting piece of history, documenting a case of hypospadias causing a rushed female gender assignment that turned to be wrong. This gives us the fleshed out story of Karl M. Baer's transition, now recognized as one of the first people to undergo sexual reassignment surgery.
The preface attempts to contextualize the text by providing a look at the science and politics at the time and region, explaining antisemitism’s effects on science and what was known about sexuality, sex, and gender- transitioning was a way to escape being gay. In the forward right before the true memoir, we learn the important information that this book was a tool of empowerment into his new identity, by accepting his past he could fully move into being a man. This intent is deeply seen in the writing of him recounting his years before living as his true self, as the main focus is on the “maiden years”.
The epilogue provides a medical recommendation and validation for cases like this patient to avoid such turmoil. In the afterword, a deep look into the anonymity of the writer N.O. Body plays out, revealing his true identity and unveiling the aspect that were blurred to protect his privacy. This provides critical context to the author’s life, explaining his Jewish identity that was hidden from the memoirs.
Altogether this gives a fascinating historical context to sciences regarding sex and gender at the time. This book does shy from going deeply into the details of his condition and transition, leaving it feeling like only half, or fragmented parts of the whole story. It reads almost like a therapy session, reminding you of the forward explaining this book was a form of catharsis for him. The readability of the preface and afterword additions was somewhat rocky compared to the actual memoirs, leaving them to feel almost out of place despite their value to supplement the text.
Summary:
Readability: ★★★☆☆, The memoirs itself kept me captivated, usually providing frequent enough scene changes and interesting details. The preface and afterword effect this score, as I feel that they could have been composed in a way that preserved the flow better.
Usefulness: ★★☆☆☆, Short and interesting read, but a summary of the situation or excerpts would suffice.
Audience: Anyone who is interested in the topic.
Content warning: antisemitism, bullying, parental abuse, racism, sexism, sexual themes, suicidal thoughts
July 9, 2012
Very good - a couple more quotes coming later.
"So often, one speaks of actors who must laugh on stage, although their hearts be as sa as can be; one writes and reads tear-jerking tales of pitiful extras and dancers who must smile, although one of their loved ones is lying ill at home. But not a single person considers the fact that the faces of salesgirls, too, are often only a mask for suffering and sorrow, And while the actress is only forced to feign a strange life that she does not live for a few hours on stage, salesgirls are unfortunate creates who may not remove their masks, day in and day out, from morning till night.
A salesgirl must remain friendly even when treated in the most ill-mannered way. The greatest demands are made on her patience, The inconsiderateness of women who are eager to buy often knows no boundaries" (66).
"So often, one speaks of actors who must laugh on stage, although their hearts be as sa as can be; one writes and reads tear-jerking tales of pitiful extras and dancers who must smile, although one of their loved ones is lying ill at home. But not a single person considers the fact that the faces of salesgirls, too, are often only a mask for suffering and sorrow, And while the actress is only forced to feign a strange life that she does not live for a few hours on stage, salesgirls are unfortunate creates who may not remove their masks, day in and day out, from morning till night.
A salesgirl must remain friendly even when treated in the most ill-mannered way. The greatest demands are made on her patience, The inconsiderateness of women who are eager to buy often knows no boundaries" (66).
March 5, 2013
While important literarily as one of the first recorded "memoirs" of hermaphroditism in the early 20th century, Karl Baur, writing under pen name N. O. Body, fictionalized many of his experiences to fit the mood of the book. Given his declaration that "this is a book of truths," I find it difficult to take his word for it.
August 7, 2010
HST 253 Women and Gender in Contemporary Europe
June 27, 2015
Really fascinating historical perspective on transgender/intersex issues. Still relevant.
Displaying 1 - 12 of 12 reviews