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Grand: Becoming My Mother’s Daughter
'Desperately funny, hysterically sad, so beautiful and so humane. All of life is in it' Meg Mason
Quick-witted, charismatic and generous; angry, vicious and hurt; in pubs all over Cork City, Noelle McCarthy's mother Carol rages against her life and everything she's lost.
As soon as she can, in the early years of the millennium, Noelle runs away. All the way to New Zealand. Yet, the demons of the past give chase and Noelle seems fated to throw away her future, just like her mother. Somehow, she gets out of the hole and makes a new life. But then Carol gets sick, and finally it's time to face the past and everything that's waiting back home.
Grand is a dazzlingly honest memoir about becoming a modern woman.
Quick-witted, charismatic and generous; angry, vicious and hurt; in pubs all over Cork City, Noelle McCarthy's mother Carol rages against her life and everything she's lost.
As soon as she can, in the early years of the millennium, Noelle runs away. All the way to New Zealand. Yet, the demons of the past give chase and Noelle seems fated to throw away her future, just like her mother. Somehow, she gets out of the hole and makes a new life. But then Carol gets sick, and finally it's time to face the past and everything that's waiting back home.
Grand is a dazzlingly honest memoir about becoming a modern woman.
264 pages, Kindle Edition
Published June 15, 2023
94 people are currently reading
1213 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 142 reviews
May 15, 2022
It's a rare book that has me in floods of tears at the end.
I can't believe I willingly read a memoir and that it might be in play for my book of the year.
There were a lot of things here that set off a series of nostalgia bombs for me personally - the music and feel of the 90s, the passing of a mother, Auckland landmarks. There are also many things I couldn't relate to; large unwieldy Irish families, alcoholism, life on the radio, waitressing for celebrities at Prego. This could have all gone wrong, too sentimental, too self-absorbed, but McCarthy delivers her life to you in a way that feels open, warm and bittersweet. Then of course there is "Mammy" enlivening every page she is on. An author of fiction would be lucky to come close to creating such a character from whole cloth.
For me, this is the best, most truthful mother and daughter story I have read and I certainly hope this gets some recognition in next years Ockham Awards.
I can't believe I willingly read a memoir and that it might be in play for my book of the year.
There were a lot of things here that set off a series of nostalgia bombs for me personally - the music and feel of the 90s, the passing of a mother, Auckland landmarks. There are also many things I couldn't relate to; large unwieldy Irish families, alcoholism, life on the radio, waitressing for celebrities at Prego. This could have all gone wrong, too sentimental, too self-absorbed, but McCarthy delivers her life to you in a way that feels open, warm and bittersweet. Then of course there is "Mammy" enlivening every page she is on. An author of fiction would be lucky to come close to creating such a character from whole cloth.
For me, this is the best, most truthful mother and daughter story I have read and I certainly hope this gets some recognition in next years Ockham Awards.
May 17, 2025
Grand: Becoming My Mother's Daughter This is a book that focuses on a very complicated Mother Daughter relationship set in Ireland and New Zealand.
While I didn’t love this book there was moments of clever and witty writing. Its a short but quite disjointed read. I struggled to keep track of the author’s “ tooling and froing” in the story. It’s the sort of book that left me with more questions than answers.
To me the author comes across as very self obsessed. Her mother was an alcoholic and we learn just a little of the heartache she herself (the mother) has endured at the age of 18 or so which must have surly had a huge impact on her life. I felt the author only skims over this in the book. She also fails to give a voice to her father in the story and this for me was disappointing as he must have had some influence on her and her siblings lives and upbringings.
Having said this this is Noelle’s story to tell and while not one for my favorites shelf, an interesting read all the same.
While I didn’t love this book there was moments of clever and witty writing. Its a short but quite disjointed read. I struggled to keep track of the author’s “ tooling and froing” in the story. It’s the sort of book that left me with more questions than answers.
To me the author comes across as very self obsessed. Her mother was an alcoholic and we learn just a little of the heartache she herself (the mother) has endured at the age of 18 or so which must have surly had a huge impact on her life. I felt the author only skims over this in the book. She also fails to give a voice to her father in the story and this for me was disappointing as he must have had some influence on her and her siblings lives and upbringings.
Having said this this is Noelle’s story to tell and while not one for my favorites shelf, an interesting read all the same.
July 25, 2023
A thought provoking memoir that won the Best First Book in the General Nonfiction category of the New Zealand Book Awards 2023, 'Grand' is a reference to the good old Irish vernacular, a bit like the way others use the word 'fine', when it covers a multitude of sins, lies, omissions - a word that sums up an aspect of society that avoids and is incapable of expressing what is occurring.
Grand, tells the story of Noelle McCarthy's growing up in Ireland and the highs and lows of being around a mother, who lost 2 children before she was born and was never comforted by her own mother. Seeking to self-regulate through the effect of alcohol, Grand demonstrates numerous effects of having been raised under those circumstances and how a multifaceted generational trauma passes down.
McCarthy finishes university and after a chance encounter with a New Zealander in a cafe where she worked, decides to travel to NZ and finds herself propelled into a media career after a stint in student radio. Though it does wonders for her freelance prospects and professional reputation, it pushes her deeper into addiction, denial and dysfunctional relationships, until the day arrives when she knows she has to change.
The memoir tracks her path to sobriety and to a coming to terms with who her mother is and was, and to her own 'becoming a mother'.
It's interesting that subtitle, because to me she doesn't "become" her mother's daughter, if anything that is who and what she is fated to be, without healing or recognition of the generational trauma that lead to her addiction. What she does "become" is' a mother to her own daughter', the one role where there is an opportunity to heal from the past and choose to do things differently, to learn how to self regulate her own distorted central nervous system, in order to nurture her daughter in a way that will mitigate what they have all inherited.
It is a compelling read, a deeply honest and vulnerable account of a women in self-imposed exile, trying to live differently, dealing with her own inner demons and having a kind of love/hate relationship with her mother.
The thing that really stood out to me, something that isn't exactly written, but that is understood, was that Noelle McCarthy was the first child, her mother was able to keep. Though she struggles as a mother, Caroline kept that daughter and loved her fiercely, so this young woman, though she has to deal with the effects of her mother's alcoholism, she hasn't inherited the complex-PTSD that babies who were not 'kept' all are cruelly gifted with. Ironically, it appears that the mother perhaps suffered this neglect, it being suspected that her own mother, most likely suffering from post natal depression, never or rarely held her own daughter.
Though the relationships are a challenge to navigate, there is a sense of knowing, a sense of belonging to both that family, those siblings and the place she grew up, that leaves the reader appreciating the importance these things contribute to the wholeness of a life.
Grand, tells the story of Noelle McCarthy's growing up in Ireland and the highs and lows of being around a mother, who lost 2 children before she was born and was never comforted by her own mother. Seeking to self-regulate through the effect of alcohol, Grand demonstrates numerous effects of having been raised under those circumstances and how a multifaceted generational trauma passes down.
McCarthy finishes university and after a chance encounter with a New Zealander in a cafe where she worked, decides to travel to NZ and finds herself propelled into a media career after a stint in student radio. Though it does wonders for her freelance prospects and professional reputation, it pushes her deeper into addiction, denial and dysfunctional relationships, until the day arrives when she knows she has to change.
The memoir tracks her path to sobriety and to a coming to terms with who her mother is and was, and to her own 'becoming a mother'.
It's interesting that subtitle, because to me she doesn't "become" her mother's daughter, if anything that is who and what she is fated to be, without healing or recognition of the generational trauma that lead to her addiction. What she does "become" is' a mother to her own daughter', the one role where there is an opportunity to heal from the past and choose to do things differently, to learn how to self regulate her own distorted central nervous system, in order to nurture her daughter in a way that will mitigate what they have all inherited.
It is a compelling read, a deeply honest and vulnerable account of a women in self-imposed exile, trying to live differently, dealing with her own inner demons and having a kind of love/hate relationship with her mother.
The thing that really stood out to me, something that isn't exactly written, but that is understood, was that Noelle McCarthy was the first child, her mother was able to keep. Though she struggles as a mother, Caroline kept that daughter and loved her fiercely, so this young woman, though she has to deal with the effects of her mother's alcoholism, she hasn't inherited the complex-PTSD that babies who were not 'kept' all are cruelly gifted with. Ironically, it appears that the mother perhaps suffered this neglect, it being suspected that her own mother, most likely suffering from post natal depression, never or rarely held her own daughter.
Though the relationships are a challenge to navigate, there is a sense of knowing, a sense of belonging to both that family, those siblings and the place she grew up, that leaves the reader appreciating the importance these things contribute to the wholeness of a life.
April 11, 2022
a beautifully fragmented read. the writing was pure electric. there were certain stanzas, sentences, that filled me with such delight. a gothic air clings to certain sections of this book too. finishing this book has left me a little hollow - contemplating the relationships between kids and parents, the secrets carried in bloodlines. quite a thought-provoking yet achingly beautiful memoir.
August 27, 2022
Superlative writing by a well known name in New Zealand. But I am often left with the same burning question after reading memoirs...."Why did they decide to publish?" I understand there may be many reasons for wanting to write your memoirs and capture periods or memories from your life. In some cases it may be very cathartic and something you may want to share with your family, friends or generations to come. But going public with something that is your own version/recollection of events, especially where family members are negatively portrayed and they don't have the opportunity to respond, seems a little wrong to me. We all have a Mother. Some are good, some are great, some not so, but they bought us into this world. Relationships with parents, can be complex and change as we grow into adults and become parents ourselves. Noelle has shown that in the book. To share her accounts of her Mammy's life long alcoholism made me feel really sad at times and it seemed her Mammy was a person who kept many things private, so I wonder how she would have felt, to know that only after her death, her eldest daughter put these stories out for anyone to read. Noelle also was an alcoholic but there is very little depth in the book about how this affected her own relationships with family and friends, yet her Mammy was painted in a very bad light as to how her drinking affected Noelle. This was rarely balanced with all of the loving and good things that I am sure her Mammy did too. I just felt really sad at the end and was left feeling that Noelle McCarthy is someone who puts herself before others, but maybe that will change now she is a mother herself.
March 31, 2022
I read this in one night, and nearly in one go. It's funny, heartbreaking and there's such a brilliant magic trick to the actual writing. It pulls you along. It warns you, it holds your hand through it all. It never expects you to feel sympathy - but it earns your trust and commitment on every page.
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August 22, 2022
I bought this book thinking that it was going to be right up my alley. Difficult mother, troubled childhood and redemption at the end. And it kind of is all that, but I finished this about 2 weeks ago and for the life of me I can't remember what really happened in it, other than difficult childhood, Mum who drank, Catholic education and a lot of Noelle and her own drinking. I think I'd been ruined by reading the wonderful Douglas Stuart's Shuggie Bain and Young Mungo and compared to those this one just wasn't as gritty. I've listened to Noelle McCarthy a lot on the radio, and it was cool to hear her backstory, but I'd hoped for a bit more.
June 22, 2022
This book was beautifully written, but I felt like it lacked a little personal depth which I believe makes a biography really memorable. She wrote about things that happened to her but I thought she avoided the larger questions about the consequences her actions had on those around her and ultimately on herself. While the novel largely revolved around the complicated relationship she had with her mum, it still seemed to me that Noelle never quite achieved a searingly honest analysis of her relationship with her family and alcohol which would have made this biography awesome.
July 9, 2022
“I’m glad we took that photo even though she was such a bitch last summer” I haven’t cried reading a book before but the last few chapters really were a deep cut... I really enjoyed it. Of course Claire Murdoch was involved with this, she is such a G. 10/10 a very good read.
May 14, 2023
‘A very big drink was what I needed, or a knife to stab her.’
December 10, 2023
I'm lucky to receive books from publishers in the post and I do my best to read as many of them as possible. Grand was a book that I lent to my mother before getting to read it. She read it on holidays and loved it, urging me to read it myself.
Grand is Noelle McCarthy's memoir about her life and particularly, her complex relationship with her mother - fraught, tempestuous, frustrating, hurtful, fierce, tender, adoring, all at once.
Noelle, a well-known writer and broadcaster in New Zealand, grew up in Cork city. Her mother Carol was an alcoholic, hopelessly raging against everything she had lost in life in every pub in the city, bringing her children along with her at times to bear witness to the alcohol-soaked carnage.
Noelle, intelligent and rebellious, escapes her mother's clutches in 2001 when she moves to Auckland, making a new life and career for herself as a radio presenter. She is unable to fully escape however, and embarks on a hedonistic lifestyle before eventually crashing and embracing sobriety.
Grand is beautifully written; it is poignant and sad and funny in equal measure and we really get to the heart of Carol's alcoholism and its roots in her trauma at having had two children she was unable to keep before having Noelle, such was the grip of the Catholic Church over Irish morality at the time. From a personal perspective, I loved the touchpoints of 80s and 90s culture and relived some of my own adolescence through the book.
Grand is written in the present tense, in episodic flashbacks to the past. This style doesn't always work for me (I didn't enjoy Jennette McCurdy's memoir) as I often feels it lacks the reflective piece that time and healing brings. Grand does however make this work, imbued with little sprinkles of wisdom from the present. Noelle McCarthy is a fantastic writer who must surely have many novels in her - I can't wait to read what she writes next. 4.5/5 stars
*Many thanks to @penguinbooksireland for sending me a copy of this book, published in June 2023. As always, this is an honest review.
Grand is Noelle McCarthy's memoir about her life and particularly, her complex relationship with her mother - fraught, tempestuous, frustrating, hurtful, fierce, tender, adoring, all at once.
Noelle, a well-known writer and broadcaster in New Zealand, grew up in Cork city. Her mother Carol was an alcoholic, hopelessly raging against everything she had lost in life in every pub in the city, bringing her children along with her at times to bear witness to the alcohol-soaked carnage.
Noelle, intelligent and rebellious, escapes her mother's clutches in 2001 when she moves to Auckland, making a new life and career for herself as a radio presenter. She is unable to fully escape however, and embarks on a hedonistic lifestyle before eventually crashing and embracing sobriety.
Grand is beautifully written; it is poignant and sad and funny in equal measure and we really get to the heart of Carol's alcoholism and its roots in her trauma at having had two children she was unable to keep before having Noelle, such was the grip of the Catholic Church over Irish morality at the time. From a personal perspective, I loved the touchpoints of 80s and 90s culture and relived some of my own adolescence through the book.
Grand is written in the present tense, in episodic flashbacks to the past. This style doesn't always work for me (I didn't enjoy Jennette McCurdy's memoir) as I often feels it lacks the reflective piece that time and healing brings. Grand does however make this work, imbued with little sprinkles of wisdom from the present. Noelle McCarthy is a fantastic writer who must surely have many novels in her - I can't wait to read what she writes next. 4.5/5 stars
*Many thanks to @penguinbooksireland for sending me a copy of this book, published in June 2023. As always, this is an honest review.
April 23, 2023
Great memoir. Loved how it was written jumping all over the place in time and never explaining what part in her life she was at, or how old she was, so you kind of had to piece it together in the first few sentences. That sounds like it would be annoying...but the fact that it wasn't makes me realize how talented the author is. A book that centers on a complicated mother daughter relationship and explores the different ways that people express love. I always love reading things that are set in Ireland, and this book was set in Ireland and NZ so it was a win-win.
September 4, 2023
really loved !
February 23, 2022
Best book of 2022 so far and seems unlikely to be surpassed really. Painful and funny and fierce.
July 3, 2022
I thoroughly enjoyed Noelle McCarthy narrating her memoir. Her Irish accent made it all so much more intimate. This account of growing up in Ireland with 2 brothers and a sister, a working class father and really the central figure, a damaged, intelligent, articulate, volatile alcoholic mother is horrific and enlightening and funny all at once. Noelle is spirited and rebellious but in spite of her grumbles, it is her mother who pushes her to the education which eventually brought her to New Zealand where she recognises her own alcoholism and works her way to some kind of happiness.
December 23, 2022
What a gift with words Noelle McCarthy has, whether she is on the radio or in her writing. The book is a joy to read because the writing is just so lovely, lyrical, vivid and full of love. What comes out of this book for me is Noelle's marvellous gift for optimism, that things will get better once they are got through, and she certainly has some things she needs to get herself through. Life is messy, can be very messy, self induced and otherwise. Noelle has a number of messes to deal with, as did her mother, that often the children do not know about till they are adults themselves. The parenting is often shaped by the traumas/demons/messes of the parent, so for such a memoir to be successful there almost has to be a degree of forgiveness and at the heart of it all is her love/hate relationship with her mother who has more demons than anyone should have. I feel a bit like a voyeur reading warts and all memoirs like this one. Being a daughter and a mother, as I am sure many of the readers of this book are, there is always going to be something slightly uncomfortable and confronting about such a book. What are my kids going to write about me? Jokes aside, this really is quite a beautiful telling of a mother and her daughter, as well as being a fine tribute to both Noelle, who has made her own rich and good life despite the challenges, and to the woman who birthed her.
October 3, 2022
A very readable biography that looks closely at the author's tense relationship with her mother. Noelle's childhood in Ireland was made more difficult than it needed to be by her alcoholic and lively mother who wasn't averse to confronting people and speaking her mind. Interesting reading, a bit grim at times but plenty of hope too in what was essentially a loving family.
June 21, 2022
Utterly brilliant. How did she do it! So moving - I almost never cry at books, but did for this one.
April 6, 2023
I loved it…it is so beautifully written. A book hasn’t made me cry for a long time but this truly was a “howl of anguish and love” and it got me well and good.
August 3, 2022
Oh what a book! Devastating and challenging, funny, sad, everything unpacked. When our mothers die it brings up so much of the past to come to terms with.
September 29, 2022
This is a beautifully raw, honest story of a difficult mother-daughter relationship, fueled by their respective addiction to alcohol. It's such a great illustration of how parent child relationships are complex and how one sibling can have a totally different view of their parent from another, because of different temperaments and therefore experience of the parent.
February 8, 2023
It's difficult to write about one's relationship with one's own mother when that was fraught, and alcoholism was a huge part of the mix. This is a lovely book, beautifully written, raw and honest. I thought it was also fragmentary, as though Noelle McCarthy is still gathering her thoughts and emotions about her mother's untimely death from cancer.
July 15, 2023
Lyrical, poignant & moving.
July 4, 2024
Loved it! All the feels
May 2, 2022
A candid and honest account of the tempestuous relationship between Noelle and her mother.It made me think about mine and could identify with traits that have lived on in me from my own mother.......albeit it being good or not.
May 1, 2022
This is an incredible memoir that will have you invested from the first page. It’s achingly beautiful - told with such honesty and rawness, in both a delicate and brutal way. The writing is exceptional and the story itself is absorbing; one of the few books that you come across where you can’t put it down but also don’t want it to end. The author shows an incredible vulnerability in her writing – there’s a lot of anger, resentment and shame, and it’s written with that endearing Irish wit I love. I couldn’t stop thinking about Noelle and her mother for a long time after reading this, and I really wanted to break it down and talk about it, a very thought-provoking read. I don’t feel comfortable giving non-fiction books a rating but I will say that this is well worth a read, maybe even a must!
August 22, 2022
Beautiful, moving and honest. So many markers of my own youth (Athena posters and Tori Amos) and the difficulty of mother daughter relationships. I listened to the audio book which was a treat.
April 5, 2022
This is a great memoir. Similar to but better than The Mirror Book. She is a very talented writer and well done to her for turning her life around.
April 6, 2022
A searing, wonderful read. Beautifully paced and structured. Highly recommended.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 142 reviews