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Four Pillars of a Man's Heart: Bringing Strength into Balance
Building upon the "Four Pillars of Manhood" model set forth in his bestseller Tender Warrior, author Stu Weber leads readers in an expanded, in-depth biblical exploration of what it means to be a king, warrior, mentor, and friend. Addressing key circumstances faced by men of all ages and backgrounds, Four Pillars of a Man's Heart focuses on areas of struggle and opportunity faced by husbands, fathers, and single men of all ages and backgrounds.
288 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1997
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Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews
October 11, 2014
October 10, 2014 update upon completing reading the book (third time but first review):
Here is a book that would have been immensely profitable for me if I had read it as a young man beginning to raise my family. Now having been married over 50 years, with three children and seven grandchildren I can say that I can still apply the principles learned. And more, I can disciple younger men in this book to give them the start that I had wished I could have had. This is recommended reading for every man for building the best possible relationships in life, especially with his own family. I also recommend this book as a discipleship (mentoring) tool. Besides going thru the book together, men can use the questions for each chapter at the back of the book as a guide for discussion.
A friend and I are about to finish the book as we meet weekly for breakfast and time of discussion in it. This has been rich and rewarding to both of us. I would look forward to helping other men using this material.
Here are just a few observations about each pillar:
The Servant King in balance never leans to either side; the abdicator or tyrant.
“Whether serving kingdoms or companies or churches or families, the king in a man’s chest beats to secure justice, establish order, ensure stability, and provide structure. The king in a man develops what one rather kingly document called the United States Constitution, calls ‘domestic tranquility.’”
The Tender Warrior in balance never leans to either side; the coward or brute.
“Yes, the warrior is a destroyer. The Christian warrior is out to destroy evil in all of its many forms—dishonesty, corruption, tyranny, injustice, pornography, child abuse, oppression, racism…Yes, the warrior is a protector. Men stand tallest when they are protecting and defending. And it is in the areas of the soul and spirit that most of today’s families need careful protection. Some anonymous warrior said it wisely and well: ‘Keep out of your child’s life anything that will keep Christ out of his heart.’” I say also keep those things out of your own life.
The Wise Mentor in balance never leans to either side; the dunce or know-it-all.
“The mentor function is modeled everywhere in Scripture. Mentoring is part and parcel of discipling. The heart of the mentor is a teaching heart. It is a coaching heart. The mentor knows, and he wants others to know. He is always discipling—first his wife and kids, then others. The mentor has a spiritual heart that tugs at the hearts of others. His heart makes you want to learn.”
The Faithful Friend in balance never leans to either side; the loner or smotherer.
“If there is no soulish connection, then there is no reason for living. If the King provides but never connects, it’s no good. If the Warrior protects but never connects, it’s no good. If the Mentor teaches but never connects, it’s no good. It is not good for man to be alone! It is the Friend in his chest that gives the King, the Warrior, and the Mentor a reason to exist. If one of the four pillars is to stand a little taller, a little straighter than the others, if one pillar must bear a little more of the weight of manhood than the others, it must be the Friend pillar.”
Men, read the bible regularly, study it—apply it, read the Four Pillars of a Man’s Heart – Bringing Strength into Balance! And women, there is even a chapter for you at the end of the book that you might encourage the men in your life.
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July 10, 2014 update - I'm reading this book for the third time since I am going thru it with a friend in a discipleship relationship. The Four Pillars of a Man's Heart are: The Servant King, the Tender Warrior, the Wise Mentor, and the Faithful Friend. We are just finishing the Servant King section in chapter 5. Here is an interesting statement by the author, Stu Weber that I think applies to today's professed leaders. This seems true to me even though the book was written almost 20 years ago: "Unfortunately the king in a man is a dying breed in our culture. The men who wrote our constitution were kings. They looked way ahead. And for two hundred years now this nation has enjoyed the fruit of their provision. But by contrast, some of the men who today interpret our founders' constitution cannot see beyond the end of their own legal noses. As a result, justice is fading, security is eroding. Kingly leadership is in short supply. And the nation is adrift."
Here is a book that would have been immensely profitable for me if I had read it as a young man beginning to raise my family. Now having been married over 50 years, with three children and seven grandchildren I can say that I can still apply the principles learned. And more, I can disciple younger men in this book to give them the start that I had wished I could have had. This is recommended reading for every man for building the best possible relationships in life, especially with his own family. I also recommend this book as a discipleship (mentoring) tool. Besides going thru the book together, men can use the questions for each chapter at the back of the book as a guide for discussion.
A friend and I are about to finish the book as we meet weekly for breakfast and time of discussion in it. This has been rich and rewarding to both of us. I would look forward to helping other men using this material.
Here are just a few observations about each pillar:
The Servant King in balance never leans to either side; the abdicator or tyrant.
“Whether serving kingdoms or companies or churches or families, the king in a man’s chest beats to secure justice, establish order, ensure stability, and provide structure. The king in a man develops what one rather kingly document called the United States Constitution, calls ‘domestic tranquility.’”
The Tender Warrior in balance never leans to either side; the coward or brute.
“Yes, the warrior is a destroyer. The Christian warrior is out to destroy evil in all of its many forms—dishonesty, corruption, tyranny, injustice, pornography, child abuse, oppression, racism…Yes, the warrior is a protector. Men stand tallest when they are protecting and defending. And it is in the areas of the soul and spirit that most of today’s families need careful protection. Some anonymous warrior said it wisely and well: ‘Keep out of your child’s life anything that will keep Christ out of his heart.’” I say also keep those things out of your own life.
The Wise Mentor in balance never leans to either side; the dunce or know-it-all.
“The mentor function is modeled everywhere in Scripture. Mentoring is part and parcel of discipling. The heart of the mentor is a teaching heart. It is a coaching heart. The mentor knows, and he wants others to know. He is always discipling—first his wife and kids, then others. The mentor has a spiritual heart that tugs at the hearts of others. His heart makes you want to learn.”
The Faithful Friend in balance never leans to either side; the loner or smotherer.
“If there is no soulish connection, then there is no reason for living. If the King provides but never connects, it’s no good. If the Warrior protects but never connects, it’s no good. If the Mentor teaches but never connects, it’s no good. It is not good for man to be alone! It is the Friend in his chest that gives the King, the Warrior, and the Mentor a reason to exist. If one of the four pillars is to stand a little taller, a little straighter than the others, if one pillar must bear a little more of the weight of manhood than the others, it must be the Friend pillar.”
Men, read the bible regularly, study it—apply it, read the Four Pillars of a Man’s Heart – Bringing Strength into Balance! And women, there is even a chapter for you at the end of the book that you might encourage the men in your life.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
July 10, 2014 update - I'm reading this book for the third time since I am going thru it with a friend in a discipleship relationship. The Four Pillars of a Man's Heart are: The Servant King, the Tender Warrior, the Wise Mentor, and the Faithful Friend. We are just finishing the Servant King section in chapter 5. Here is an interesting statement by the author, Stu Weber that I think applies to today's professed leaders. This seems true to me even though the book was written almost 20 years ago: "Unfortunately the king in a man is a dying breed in our culture. The men who wrote our constitution were kings. They looked way ahead. And for two hundred years now this nation has enjoyed the fruit of their provision. But by contrast, some of the men who today interpret our founders' constitution cannot see beyond the end of their own legal noses. As a result, justice is fading, security is eroding. Kingly leadership is in short supply. And the nation is adrift."
December 26, 2022
Reading this book was...ugh...it was a drag! 80% of the book is just story telling. Very little bible and any depth of theology. It's like he just took his story, his observations, his thoughts, sprinkled in some bible verses, and called it good.
So it's probably my preference. I want to start in the bible, understand it more, and then respond in my role as father.
He's a preacher, and I felt like i was just preached at the whole time. His tone was so desperate, like he just trying to convince me why this is so important, instead of TEACHING me how to do it! Teach me! Lead me!
It reads like a 1990s right wing, Christian moral majority dissertation. Blah. No thanks. I'll pass.
I'm giving this a two because, in general, I agree with the four pillars, what they are and how they work. I'm on board with the basic premise in general. But that's it...
So it's probably my preference. I want to start in the bible, understand it more, and then respond in my role as father.
He's a preacher, and I felt like i was just preached at the whole time. His tone was so desperate, like he just trying to convince me why this is so important, instead of TEACHING me how to do it! Teach me! Lead me!
It reads like a 1990s right wing, Christian moral majority dissertation. Blah. No thanks. I'll pass.
I'm giving this a two because, in general, I agree with the four pillars, what they are and how they work. I'm on board with the basic premise in general. But that's it...
December 27, 2019
M A N H O O D. Weber does a great job at encouraging men to simply be men. He argues that true biblical men have four pillars in their hearts that must be established. This book is filled with scripture and was very encouraging. It is a little dated, and is more geared towards men who already have families and are looking how to lead. However, it is powerful and has encouraged me in this college season in looking towards the future!
December 13, 2017
Absolutely essential read for any Man that is in pursuit of character development and practical applications in matters of the heart.
August 29, 2022
This book is one of the Best books on Biblical Manhood. It should be in every Man's Library. I wish there was a companion book for Women. It does have one chapter for Women.
June 9, 2013
"Four Pillars of a Man's Heart" was a great read. It puts into perspective what a great man must do to keep his pillars-the servant king, the tender warrior, the wise mentor, and the faithful friend upright and strong. We not only must lean on God and His word, but establish long lasting healthy relationships. Reading this book was rough because it made me come to terms with a lot of my own unhealthy practices in my marriage and fatherhood; as well as the realities of where I learned those habits from. Though I just finished this book, I plan to address all of this with my wife, children, and the men in my life. I would recommend this book to any man or woman struggling with their path in the Lord. It even has study questions in the back if you were interested on reading this book as a group and to study it in accordance with scripture. Looking forward to picking up Stu's other books.
March 8, 2012
King.Warrior.Mentor.Friend. Four Pillars forged by the hand of God and set into the heart of every man. Out of balance they bring chaos and destruction in that man's life and in the lives of those around him. In balance and aimed towards the amazing God who designed them they create an environment of love, support, guidence, and safety for those who need it most. This book changed my life and helped me to a greater understanding of my God and why He created me the way that he did. A tattoo on my chest reminds me daily of the importance of my job as a husband, father, son, brother, friend, and police officer - and why I must strive to be sensitive to - and to keep the balance of these pillars in my life. Read this book.
March 16, 2016
Essentially, this book talks about Four Pillars:
a King - to provide.
a Warrior - to protect.
a Mentor - to teach.
a Friend - to connect.
Stu goes into depth on each of these four pillars; making his case on how God created us to fulfill these four pillars. One thing that really stood out for me was that our title at work (ceo, manager, owner..etc) is not our true title; our true worth and title is who we are inside of our homes. How are we treating our families? Are we spending quality time with them? The answer to that is your true title.
In the end, it's a very spiritual book that at some points was hard to truly get into, but overall a good read.
a King - to provide.
a Warrior - to protect.
a Mentor - to teach.
a Friend - to connect.
Stu goes into depth on each of these four pillars; making his case on how God created us to fulfill these four pillars. One thing that really stood out for me was that our title at work (ceo, manager, owner..etc) is not our true title; our true worth and title is who we are inside of our homes. How are we treating our families? Are we spending quality time with them? The answer to that is your true title.
In the end, it's a very spiritual book that at some points was hard to truly get into, but overall a good read.
January 6, 2009
Some good advice on getting your life together, if you can get past all the religious propaganda. It helped me rearrange the priorities in my life and made me think better of myself, which is always a great thing. Teaches you more about emotionally stability and self-confidence.
July 19, 2016
I have read Locking Arms, Tender Warrior, and this book. I enjoyed each of Stu Weber's books. I think this Four Pillars book is a good book for men (for themselves) and for women (for perspectives on good qualities for a Christian man) to read and apply to their lives.
March 23, 2013
Easily the best book on men I have ever read. His concept of pillars, their leaning and the need and definition of what a real man looks like is dead on. Finally, someone who says, "we need men" and then gives a compass and a map on how to become the men we need to be.
June 15, 2009
I am just starting and i like it so far.
December 4, 2008
Great book for men who want to balance their christian life and private life.
September 18, 2011
Reading through this with some guys from church
Read
July 25, 2011Recommended for young men especially. Repetitive in parts, but good solid concepts. I noticed the particular pillars that need strengthening in my own life.
June 10, 2014
MUST READ!!
May 27, 2015
I knew it was mostly Christian stuff but I thought I could salvage a few legitimate psychological ideas from it.
I was wrong.
I was wrong.
January 18, 2016
This book is a great foundation for any man. It is full of valuable and clear advice for men. Highly recommend it. It is motivational and inspirational.
September 1, 2009
Excellent book for all men, fathers, and husbands.
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews