Whom Not to Marry: Time-Tested Advice from a Higher Authority

by Pat Connor

The new single woman's Bible that shows how to distinguish Mr. Right from Mr. Right Now Father Pat Connor knows marriages. Having presided over more than two hundred weddings and conducted pre-marriage and marriage counseling for more than forty years, he's something of an expert. And now he is sharing his wealth of experience with women everywhere on the subject of Whom Not to Marry . Father Pat's philosophy is A love affair may lead to marriage, but love itself cannot make a marriage work. That's why it's important to weed out the bad seed's before you fall in love. Sounds easy enough, but in the early stages of romance, when infatuation trumps judgment, it can be difficult to see the flaws in your mate and to think rationally about your future. That's where this book comes in. A heavenly how-not-to, Whom Not to Marry offers timely and time-honored advice such Never marry a man who has no friends, for he won't be capable of the intimacy that marriage demands.Never marry a man who isn't responsible with cash. Most marriages that flounder do so because of money, a case of ' til debt do us part .Never marry a man who lets you walk all over him. It's good to have a doormat in the house, but not if it's your husband. Life may seem random, but there are many things you can do to make sure your life partner is the right one. It all starts with being honest with yourself. Use your good judgment, Father Pat counsels. Know what you want. Know who is worth loving and who is worth marrying. Once you can do that, you'll stand a much better chance of living happily ever after .

Genres: Nonfiction, Marriage, Christian, Psychology, Self Help

240 pages, Hardcover

First published January 1, 2010

Reviews

[Ann Keller · Rating 5 out of 5]

Humorously Delightful

Normally, one wouldn’t expect a Catholic priest to be able to give advice on whom to marry, but this little book is a real gem! It is peppered with information and humorous anecdotes, mingled with some of the most clear cut and honest reasons for choosing the right mate. What should one look for in a potential spouse and what qualities should send us fleeing in the opposite direction? Can he be patient, courteous and respectful of our feelings? Is he humble and able to compromise on issues or is his jealousy tearing your relationship apart? As the book says, love is patient, kind and rejoices in the truth.

Those who have been married for a while may also appreciate remembering why they married the man they did. What were the special things that touched your heart? When was the last time you really listened to your spouse or told him how much some of the little things he does say he really loves you? Does he put you down in public, in front of his friends (or yours) or does he treat you like a queen? This book is a quick, enjoyable read, one which will linger in your mind for some time.

[Eva B. · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty good. Father Connor gives some good guidelines and lists some important red flags that one who is considering marriage would do well to heed. Very readable as well.

[Thao Nguyen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Easy to read and make lots of common senses

It's very easy and down to the earth language. Even though it's a Catholic book, it actually makes a lot of (common) sense

[Susanna · Rating 5 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book so much that I read it in one sitting. Father Pat Connor is an expert in the field of marriage. As a Catholic priest, he is comtemporary and he preaches something different than what I learned in Sunday school.

He recommends engaged-to-be married couples to have a year long engagement, for that is a good amount of time to settle people's differences in spending habits, emotional hang-ups, living conditions, and etc. He also believes in "conditional" love. If one decides to marry an alcoholic, it must be under the condition that he/she is sober before the marriage. Never expect a person to change after marriage, for that's a sure way to sabotage any chance of living-happily-ever-after.

In short, love is different that marriage. (I am happy to find a priest who agrees on my outtake in love and marriage.) Father Connor agrees that one should walk out of the relationship if the other person doesn't fulfill the relationship/marriage requirement. It's the most fundamental logic that people tend to forget nowsadays. Marriage is not about settling down or because I don't want to die alone. A standard marriage vow said," In the presence of God, our family, and friends, I offer you my solemn vow to be your faithful partner in sickness and in health, in good times and in bad, and in joy as well as in sorrow." How many people truly understand the meaning of this vow before they step into marriage? I fully agree that pre-marriage counseling is a necessity in this precarious 21st century.

I highly recommended this book for people who want a long and happy marriage.

[Susannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Although this book is written by a priest(Father Pat Connor no less), and there are the obvious mentions of God, there is also very practical advice on how to approach long-term relationships, and what to look for in a partner. Father Pat has a reasonably modern attitude to relationships, and he is also realistic. He knows that things can go wrong in relationships, and problems will arise. He encourages people to be realistic in their approach too, and offers advice on the attitudes with which you should approach a commitment with the intention of a lasting relationship. The chapter headings are: Love is Patient; Love is Kind; Love is Not Envious or Boastful or Arrogant or Rude; Love Does Not Insist on Its Own Way; Love is not Irritable or Resentful; Love does not Rejoice in Wrongdoing, But Rejoices in the Truth; Love Bears All Things, Believes All Things, Hopes All Things, Endures All Things. Love Never Gives Up. Father Pat also advises what Red Flags to look out for as it may be necessary to walk away.

[Lindsey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Told with a dry wit and copious examples, Father Pat dispenses pre-marriage wisdom to engaged women using the template of 1 Corinthians 13: 1-13. The book includes both warnings of things that generally do not allow marriages to succeed and suggestions of conversations to have with the husband-to-be before marriage to improve the chances that yours will succeed. Interesting and insightful, the author stresses that the nuggets of wisdom dispensed throughout are general warnings and that they are never intended to have the rigidity of a set of rules and regulations. Overall, it is definitely a must-read if one is engaged, and amusing enough to keep even married women interested.

[Melissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have no idea why i read this but I managed to be looking in a bookstore for another book and picked this one up on a whim. I managed to read the whole thing in the store. It's written by a priest whose experience with premarital counseling is the basis for this book. Yeah it has useful information. It's an easy read.

i can't believe I read this book. gah.

[Kylie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Great advise such as never marry a man with no friends, and steer clear of someone whose life you can run - it's good to have a house mat in your home, but not if it's your husband. Father Pat asked Is her overtly attached to his mother? Great advise on avoiding Mr Wrong, while on your search for Mr Right.

[Maria Catherino · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is seldom I pick up a book my mother would approve of that is actually an enjoyable read! This book was well thought out being as it's by a man who chose never to marry. The outlines at the end of the chapters were a little "self-helpy" but the concepts in the book were developed from many different philosophical sources.

Better than your garden variety self-help book.

[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

some ridiculous things, but also some powerful insights into the ancient ritual of marriage

[Meghann Cantey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a great book! I will be purchasing a copy for me and one for my sister! His insight is wonderful and the anecdotes are so applicable. I just loved it.

[Ashton · Rating 3 out of 5]

Excellent book. Lots of good sensible advice, though some of the chapters were unfocused and incoherent. Despite being an atheist-cum-Buddhist, I found very little I disagreed with.

[Cheryl · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is one of those advice books that you wish you would have read prior to your bad marriage. Every item of 'not to marry', I did it. Next time, I will listen to my inner adviser.

[Natalie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some great advice for people, no matter what stage their relationship is at.

[박은정 Park · Rating 2 out of 5]

1권('똑똑하게 사랑하라')은 몇 일에 걸쳐서 읽었고, 2권('똑똑하게 결혼하라')은 앉은 자리에서 세 시간만엔가 읽었다.
사실 애초에 '답'을 구할 수 있을거라 생각하고 읽은 것은 아니라
생각보다는 많은 메세지들을 전달받은 것 같다.
--2011-05-29 14:41:52

[Chloe Truong · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some good tips for reflection on your relationship!

[Victoria Tyrrell · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would recommend this read for anyone who has been with their significant other for a long time, that potentially will lead to marriage.

[Eileen Quintero · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read it in Spanish, it's so easy and engaging and also so true! I believe the advices can be followed by anyone catholic or not, about to marry, married, in a relationship or single. I really recommend it. I'm going through it again.