All Moms Go to Heaven

by Dean Hughes

In All Moms Go to Heaven, well-known LDS writer Dean Hughes describes the summer he spent taking care of the kids while his wife, Kathy, worked on her master's degree. After a few weeks of drying tears (sometimes his own), changing diapers, and watching Sesame Street, Dean came to understand what mothers really do and why they're so important. In this thoughtful and often hilarious book, you'll find plenty to ponder and to laugh about.

Genres: Lds, Nonfiction, Parenting, Book Club, Self Help, Inspirational, Religion

95 pages, Paperback

First published April 28, 2005

About the author

Dean Hughes is the author of more than eighty books for young readers, including the popular sports series Angel Park All-Stars, the Scrappers series, the Nutty series, the widely acclaimed companion novels Family Pose and Team Picture, and Search and Destroy. Soldier Boys was selected for the 2001 New York Public Library Books for the Teen Age list. Dean Hughes and his wife, Kathleen, have three children and six grandchildren. They live in Midway, Utah.

Reviews

[Emily · Rating 3 out of 5]

This gets 3 stars not because it was not a great book. I liked the book a lot. However, it has instilled a sense of dread in me. So, for giving me a sense of dread, the book should really get zero stars. But there were enough ha-ha moments that it earned 5 stars for that. So, I had to go with half way in between. Hence, three stars.

Dean Hughes points out at that being a mother is a very difficult job and you have to put your children’s needs ahead of yours. Ok, I am selfish (and lazy). I’m not selfish with donations and stuff. If some need kids need Christmas presents, I’ll buy some. I donate food that I would actually eat when I give food to the food pantry (ie, no lima beans or celery. Even if I was poor and starving, I would eat my shoes before I’d put celery in my mouth!) But man oh man when I want to read my book all evening, I don’t look kindly on things that interrupt that. I also like to be able to run in and out of Walmart really quick (in only 45 minutes, cuz seriously, no trip to Walmart is actually “quick”. I always seem to get stuck between oblivious aisle blocking people. One day you will probably hear on the news about a woman who went berserk in Walmart and started ramming everything with her cart and screaming, “Get the hell out of my way! I just need a can of shaving cream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” That woman will be me.)

So, anyways, having someone totally dependent on me and yet who does not obey my every command is scary to me. You might be thinking, “Emily, you have cats. They NEVER obey you.” Right. That’s true. But I can lock them in the bathroom overnight and it is not considered abuse. And if there really was some major problem, I could put them to sleep. Again, that is totally illegal with kids.

So, anyways, lovely book, and very encouraging for those who are already mothers. However, if you are not already a mother, you will just think that the whole thing sounds like a whole lot of work. Hopefully something will click or snap when I become a mother. Cross your fingers!

[Lynda]

Dean Hughes has a way of letting us feel that we are doing a great job as a mother even when we think we aren't or haven't. I loved this quote from his book--"Once we meet the perfect mother--who really only raises her dreadful head in Mother's Day talks--we should enshrine her, build a statue to the Unknown Mother, and then admit that she's the only example of perfection who will ever exist. We could maybe give out little statues of her at Mother's Day sacrament meetings, made out of chocolate, and then the mothers could take her home and bite her head off--and get a nice little chocolate rush at the same time>"

[Reina · Rating 3 out of 5]

While this short little book has some worthwhile thoughts in it, I didn't really connect with a lot of of the content, as it was the author using stories from his life to honor mothers. I think the fact that mothers are all different, and are all both wonderful and flawed in different ways, the stories just weren't meaningful to me.

[Cortney · Rating 3 out of 5]

I typically avoid LDS type books. I'm a snob- I know. But our book club is going to be reading this book. One of my friends brought the book over let me borrow it (since our library doesn't have it).

Anyway, on to the review....

First chapter- stinkin' hilarious!!! If the first chapter had been the whole book, I would have given it five stars.

Second chapter- he praises himself for having such a wonderful relationship with his kids. And he credits the great relationship in part to the summer he spent being a stay-at-home-dad.

Third chapter- tells us how freikin' wonderful his daughters and daughters-in-law are. This chapter made me feel like a poo of a mother. Thanks Dean!

Fourth chapter- teenagers are rotten.

Fifth chapter- his wife is super wonderful. Lesson learned- appreciate your kids now, they grow up really fast and then they're gone, but maybe you can make it up with your grandkids like his wife is doing.

Sixth chapter- Dean's mom= self-sacrificing. But Dean tells us that we don't need to be self-sacrificing too.

Seventh chapter- What he learned from his summer of playing mom.

Things that stuck out to me...

He mentioned that when Mom stays home with the kids, it's called taking care of the kids. It's her job. When Dad stays home with the kids it's baby-sitting and he gets to play with the kids and then he tells Mom that he doesn't see what's so hard about staying home with the kids because it's quite fun. But the house is a disaster and he hasn't fed or changed the kids. Dean says this is wrong. I say this is wrong. My husband is super fabulous and doesn't think like most men. When I go out, he's home with the kids, not baby-sitting. Sometimes when I have plans my mom asks me if my husband is going to tend the kids. NO!!! They're his own kids! He doesn't "tend" his own kids, he takes care of them!

Lesson I re-learned from this book- kids need to know that we're "on their side". So often life in our house feels like a battle between the five year old and the parents. Somehow we need to show him that we're on his side, looking out for his best interests.

OK- I think that's enough. I don't know that this book merited such a long review/synopsis... but, book discussion night for this book is a couple months away and I had to read the book while my friend was lending it to me and therefore write a long review so I can remember the book by then. Because by next week I will have totally forgotten this book.

[Alicia · Rating 2 out of 5]

My mother-in-law gave me this short book about the challenges of being a mother. I would have liked it better if I was related to the author as it was really just a bunch of stories about all of his children and grandchildren and how they wear him out with all of their escapades and energy. Maybe it's a better book for young mothers who are overwhelmed with toddlers bouncing off of the walls, but I'm out of that stage and I loved it, so I didn't appreciate all of the "complaining" about young children. Now if he wants to complain about TEENAGERS... =)

A funny quote: "Once we meet the perfect mother--who really only raises her dreadful head in Mother's Day talks--we should enshrine her, build a statue to the Unknown Mother, and then admit that she's the only example of perfection who will ever exist. We could maybe give out little statues of her at Mother's Day sacrament meetings, made out of chocolate, and then the mothers could take her home and bite her head off . . . ."

[Kate · Rating 2 out of 5]

Honestly, I stopped reading this book just over halfway through! It made me laugh a lot, especially at the beginning. But as I got further and further into it, I realized that it didn't have a lot of insight or encouragement... it was mostly full of stories of really bad days that are funny in hindsight. I laughed at those at first, and then I found myself getting more and more frustrated with my own days because I was noticing every little thing that went wrong! And when you're in the moment, those things aren't funny. I stopped reading because it honestly made me a more miserable mom, as terrible as that is! I need books that are optimistic and more "you can do this!" than this one was.

[Monica · Rating 2 out of 5]

There were some very tender moments, some laugh-out-loud moments, and some moments when I was utterly stunned that Hughes, a man, GETS women/motherhood at the level he does (which is sort of the point of the book, since it's based on his experience as a stay-at-home dad during one summer when his children were young). Still, I was disappointed that by the end, I felt the book fell flat. It was a quick, light-hearted and charming read, which was perfect at the time I read it, up all night with a newborn. A handful of quotable quotes, but mostly just okay.

[Julie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a short, humorous commentary of the importance and chaos that is motherhood. The author had a taste of full time motherhood when his wife went to school and work full time one summer. He had to take care of their 5 year old, 3 year old, 3 month old, and 2 neighbor girls for that summer. It was nice to hear the stories of having a father face the challenges of caring for young children. It is a nice reminder that mothers are important, but being perfect is not a requirement for being a successful mother. Love is what is needed. Enjoy each child, every day.

[Kellicmyers · Rating 4 out of 5]

With mother's day in mind, I just wanted to recommend this book. I usually get annoyed by "aren't moms great" books, but this was hilarious. Dean Hughes is a really excellent author--I'd recommend any of his books, but this is one of my favorites. It's a quick, light read, but really a pick-me-up if ever you're having a bad day as a mom!

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a must read for any mom out there, especially one with young kids. It's great to know I'm not the only mom that feels inadequate, pulled in a hundred directions and feels guilty about not being the "perfect" wife and mom. Dean tells how being a mom is HARD work, but very worth it, and I agree (most of the time). :)

[Kerstin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am not sure how to rate this. I wasn't able finish the entire book. There were parts that made me laugh, parts that broke my heart; but also parts that bored me and even parts that would've just plain embarrassed me if someone would write them about me. At times this book reminded me of Forrest Gump: the stranger at the busstop that tells you their entire life story without you asking. Overall it's definitely a quick and easy read, but i guess i expected more. i absolutely loved the first chapter and felt it went downhill from there.

[B Simmons · Rating 5 out of 5]

A Wonderful Read!!

I loved this book. I laughed, cried, and related to it all. Give this as a gift to every mother that you know! Then go home and appreciate your mothers, daughters and your own mom!

[Stephen Ravsten · Rating 5 out of 5]

Spends a lot of time in the warm and huggie applauds of mother hood while demeaning the role and help that a father provides to a family. Maybe you should write a few compliments to the hard working fathers of the world.

[Claudia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Motherhood is hard! But so rewarding!!!

[Dail Allen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book to help us feel more amazed at the job of a mother.

[Lynn Varey · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's a quick read - easily done in a day. Clearly outlines the challenges of motherhood and some of the humorous stuff also. It was interesting to find out more about what his wife, Kathy Hughes, is like. She was the first counselor in the Relief Society general presidency under Bonnie D. Parkin from 2002 to 2007. I quite enjoyed her style of teaching and it's good to learn about some of the challenges she has faced in being a mother.

[Beth Given · Rating 4 out of 5]

I heard part of the first chapter back when this book was still in manuscript form at a lecture given by Dean Hughes at BYU in 2004ish. I knew I’d have to keep an eye out for it, because it was pretty hilarious.

Well, now I’m a mother, and things are now even funnier — because I know they’re true:

"What would Kathy say if she knew I let the whole crew eat those Oreos when they never did eat their carrot sticks (which I had so firmly required as prerequisite)? All three of my kids were probably heading for disease (not enough veggies) and jail (not enough discipline)."

Okay, if I had one complaint about this book, it would be this: Hughes dives right into story-telling mode as a way of introduction, which is good, I guess, but at the same time I was wondering throughout the whole (short) book — just who is Hughes’ target audience? He writes about moms like he’s talking about them, not to them. Just when I’m convinced that this book is actually written for dads (so they can appreciate their wives), he makes a parenthetical remark about how he doubts any males are actually reading this book.

Does he think that NO ONE will actually read this book?! That would be too bad, though, if only for comments like these:

"Before we have children, we think most of the parents sitting in sacrament meeting ought to 'do something about their kids.' Once we have kids, we think everyone ought to be a lot more understanding about what we’re trying to survive during the meeting. And once our kids are grown, we think, 'I never let my kids get away with that.' We really all need to chill out."

A fun, quick read — especially for moms of toddlers, who wonder if they’re going to make it (answer: oh, yeah).

[Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a cute book. I purposely picked a short easy read at the end of the year so I could finish another book this year! It's written by a dad who has to spend a summer at home with his three children while his wife has the chance to do some schoolwork. He also watches two older girls for a little extra money. The book is written with these experiences in mind. It's funny at times, I wish more men had the chance to stay at home with 3 children to experience it, but then I suppose to be fair I'd have to say that women should experience the real work force. I'm not ready to sign up for that so I'll just enjoy his experiences. He shares experiences of his own wife who was in the RS General Presidency (Sis. Kathleen Hughes) a few years ago. He also shares stories of his own mother and his and his wife's experiences as grandparents. It was a cute book, very easy read and made me smile. Great to read the week of Christmas! If you ever need a last minute gift for Mother's Day or something, this would work.

[Danae · Rating 3 out of 5]

A short book, a quick read, fun. I chuckled and enjoyed it. Basic message--"being a mom is hard, but it's important". As a mother of--several--young children, I related to the bit about feeling like there is no more to your life than knowing all the songs on Sesame Street and getting to the point where you start to think Mr. Rogers is just a regular guy. When I find myself dissecting and critiquing the plots of various children's movies (I have serious issues with Beauty and the Beast--where, exactly, is the moral high ground of agreeing to become someone's prisoner and then refusing to have dinner with them?), I know I have problems. Also, there was a good bit about what we should do with that mythical Perfect Mother, should anyone ever find her. Worth reading, even if I might argue that taking care of one's own children for three months does not really qualify a man to catagorize himself as a "mother", he did have some good points.

[Jessie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found this book on my shelf and read the inscription. It was from my dad. I didn't remember that he gave it to me. He doesn't buy many gifts any more, so it meant a lot to me. It was short and light weight and I was going backpacking, and so I took it with and read it all.
The book was a tribute to mothers and was good at showing what moms really do. I instantly thought of my three daughters who are at this time young mothers. I would like to loan this book to each of them. I think that it's nice to have a man pay tribute to women/mothers. The book was funny and also brought a tear to the eye. It's wasn't Mother's Day program smaltzy, so I didn't feel any guilt. It's short and easy to read.
If you need a lift and a reason to feel good about being a mom-- this book is for you.
Dad's-- it would be good for you to read it, just so that you appreciate your wives more. I almost required my husband to read it. :)

[CJ · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must-read for moms. Often I am frustrated and discouraged as a mom. Often I think that I really never should have become a mom. This book reminds you what it is to be a mom. It's not one of those books that talks only about the wonderful things. This book focuses more on the difficult things, and how they're beneficial. It acknowledges how difficult it is to be a mom and says it's ok to get upset and frustrated. We all get there. But it reminds us to take a breath, refocus and think about what our goals as moms are. And the intro is the best part. I found myself laughing through the whole thing. I had to call my mom up and read parts to her. I wanted to read the whole thing, but I think just buying her her own copy would be best. Dean Hughes, thank you for helping me to see the bright side of being a mom again.

[kelley · Rating 4 out of 5]

All Moms Go To Heaven is a short book that begins with the Author's experience as substitue "mom" for his kids one summer while his wife goes back to school. The beginning of the book is hilarious as the author recounts how he discovered that "mothering" is not for the faint-hearted. I laughed right out loud as he finds himself experiencing parenthood in a whole new way. The remaining chapters are largely spent mentioning women who have made an impact in his life and how the lessons from that summer of filling in for his wife affected his perceptions of women and parenting. It's a fun, satisfying read.

[Tawny · Rating 3 out of 5]

Favorite lines:
1. "In some ways, life really is a long-running disaster, full of way too much stress and too many disappointments, and yet the past and future both appear precious to us. The challenge is always to survive the present" (65).
2. "Making a living is important, but creating a life and sustaining it is in another realm. It seems to me that men ought to say, 'I'm sorry, honey, I have to run off and make a little money, but I'll get back home to the important stuff as soon as I can'" (86).
3. "Parents do their best, and they often do it wrong, but their commitment and will is certainly as important as their methods" (88).

[Stephi K. · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was given this book by my sister-in-law (thanks, Mirien) to read when I'm feeding the baby. Dean Hughes starts by sharing his experiences with being a "mother" the summer he stayed home and cared for the children while his wife worked and all the chaos that ensues. It was a lot of fun to read and touching at times, too. I especially enjoyed reading about Dean Hughes experiences with his own mother.

[Anne Marie · Rating 4 out of 5]

The first chapter had been laughing out loud, and the rest of the book was sweet. It was mostly the reflections of the author's relatives that are mothers (his mom, his wife, daughter, daughters-in-law. I was actually expecting a little more from it. But, if you are reading it, knowing it's pretty much just life reflections of his, it's sweet. Not an award winning book by any means. But, the first chapter was hilarious. It was a quick read.

[Stacey · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a cute little book that talks about different aspects and phases of motherhood. My favorite chapter was the first one, when the author shares his experiences of being a mom....that is, when he took care of his 3 small children one summer. In the last chapter he answers the question "Do all moms go to heaven?" Guess you'll have to read it to find out. I have it if anyone wants to borrow it.

[Kimberly · Rating 4 out of 5]

Favorite quote: "Once we meet the perfect mother--who really only raises her dreadful head in Mother's Day talks--we should enshrine her, build a statue to the Unknown Mother, and then admit that she's the only example of perfection who will ever exist. We could maybe give out little statues of her at Mother's Day sacrament meetings, made out of chocolate, and then the mothers could take her home and bite her head off . . . ."

[Catherine · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was just a short little book, but I really enjoyed it. Dean Hughes describes the summer of 1973 where he stayed home and took care of the children while his wife worked. Some of the things he said totally cracked me up, because they were so true! He really did understand what young mothers have to go through sometimes. I love my children and I love being home with them, but some days are definitely more trying than others. Dean Hughes made everything seem a bit more comical.

[Jana · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a pretty good book. There was some really good insights in this book. However, I almost feel as if it would have been better if it was geared more for fathers. I don't know if fathers would read it or not, but that's my feeling. I have had a lot trials with my children lately, so sometimes I felt what he was describing wasn't overly helpful, but brought up some frustrated feelings I had been feeling. There were some fun parts and stories and like I said, some good insights.

[Stephanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really enjoyed the beginning - laughed out loud several times in public. There are a lot of stories of his kids and grandchildren which I could relate to some of the things that happened. However, I did get a little bogged down around the middle. Overall a nice message about mothers- raising children is hard, no mother is perfect but we all do our best and our role as mothers is important. Bonus is that's it's super quick read (95 pages).