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About Grief: Insights, Setbacks, Grace Notes, Taboos
About Grief is a refreshingly down-to-earth book about an issue that blindsides many people. Written in a warm and conversational way that is, at times, deeply moving, at times, surprisingly amusing, and always practical, it covers a wide range of issues facing people in grief. Marasco and Shuff have done the footwork for readers who wish to know more about this complex subject. Using a variety of sources, including books, films, music and many hours spent talking with people in grief, the authors distill their candid insights into a series of short, single-topic-essays that can be easily digested in one sitting―a format they found grieving people preferred. This is not a book written by clinicians, so there's no cold jargon. It's not a memoir of one individual's grief, so it has something for everyone. And it's not a self-peddling inspirational book. It's a wise, plain-spoken, comforting book about an intimidating topic. As one reader recently said of About Grief : "Reading this book is like having a smart, entertaining friend around―at a time when you really need one."
224 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 2010
37 people are currently reading
1279 people want to read
About the author
Ron Marasco
10 books20 followersRon Marasco is a professor in the College of Communication and Fine Arts at Loyola Marymount University in Los Angeles. His first book, Notes to an Actor, was named by the American Library Association an "Outstanding Book of 2008." For the past five years he has taught a very popular course on the subject of grief using film, theatre, literature and oral history as a way to study this often intimidating subject. He has acted extensively on TV―in everything from Lost to West Wing to Entourage -and appeared opposite screen legend Kirk Douglas in the movie Illusion, for which he also wrote the screenplay. He has a BA from Fordham at Lincoln Center and an MA and Ph. D. from UCLA. Brian Shuff is a writer from Mesa, Arizona, who now lives in Los Angeles where he is at work completing a book of short stories. His mother died when he was eight years old, giving him a life-long interest in the subject of grief. Along with Ron Marasco he has written a screenplay based on Louise Hay's groundbreaking book, You Can Heal Your Life that will premiere in 2011. He and Marasco are also working on a dramatic adaptation of John McNulty's book This Place on Third Avenue.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 34 reviews
Want to read
August 12, 2020it's a book that IU and SUGA suggestion 😊
February 14, 2014
Very well written and quite useful as a sort of Lonely Planet guidebook to the Other Country of deep grief. But the endlessly conservative examples from art and literature (with some real dullards on a "strange loop" cited over & over again) and the very careless and superficial claims about gender make the book much weaker than it might have been given the author's erudition and skill as a synthesizer of disparate materials.
April 28, 2021
Hands down, this is the BEST book about grief.
I can't say enough about this book. I can't give it enough stars.
I have hand-sold this to so many friends, neighbors, customers, family members.
I revisit this book whenever I'm having a difficult day with grief, or helping support others.
I hope that someday, I can meet the authors of this book to thank them in person.
I can't say enough about this book. I can't give it enough stars.
I have hand-sold this to so many friends, neighbors, customers, family members.
I revisit this book whenever I'm having a difficult day with grief, or helping support others.
I hope that someday, I can meet the authors of this book to thank them in person.
March 10, 2023
I’m not the target audience for this (yet) but the writing is easy to get to and it wasn’t as dry-as-a-textbook than I expected so that’s a plus! This would impact me better when I’m in actual grief so I’ll definitely reread it then.
For yoongi, hbd 💜🐱
For yoongi, hbd 💜🐱
November 8, 2024
If you have suffered a deep loss, I highly suggest that you read this book. The same goes for those who want to understand the grieving better. There is so much in this book to which I said “yes, that is how I feel”. And when I finished the book I ended it with a “Wow!” Does the book put grieving to an end? As if…. But it does help you understand the grieving process and it leaves you with a good feeling and yes, some tears. I am definitely rereading this book.
January 9, 2016
Whether you're the one who has experienced a loss or you know someone who has, "About Grief" is definitely worth checking out. After many years of loss after loss, the most recent being my brother (and last living sibling) in November 2015, I needed something...
There's only so many shoulders to cry on. Sometimes our own shoulders are worn out too! For me, I felt a need to just sit quietly, think & cry when necessary. At times, the tears won't even come anymore. Having this book by my bedside brought me many nights of comfort. My copy was borrowed from the library, but this is a book that might be worth spending a few bucks on. I highly recommend adding this book to your list of books to read. Even if you are not experiencing pain or loss at this exact moment, chances are pretty good that one day you will...
There's only so many shoulders to cry on. Sometimes our own shoulders are worn out too! For me, I felt a need to just sit quietly, think & cry when necessary. At times, the tears won't even come anymore. Having this book by my bedside brought me many nights of comfort. My copy was borrowed from the library, but this is a book that might be worth spending a few bucks on. I highly recommend adding this book to your list of books to read. Even if you are not experiencing pain or loss at this exact moment, chances are pretty good that one day you will...
June 30, 2015
Well being pre-occupied with grief these days after losing my Spouse of 39 years to vicious cancer, living in the apartment we shared there are times I hurt,
Got this book from the library, started reading this, but from the first page on someone decided it was their book, or felt that the next person reading it would need to have the high points underlined, proceeded by underlining parts of sentences, I cannot abide this sort of stuff, so must get another copy that is less offence.
Too bad the library system does not have a system or take the time to look at a returned book, and charge the under-liner (or other persons defacing a book or what have you) for the cost of the book, that way they can keep it forever!!
Well got that off my chest!!
Got this book from the library, started reading this, but from the first page on someone decided it was their book, or felt that the next person reading it would need to have the high points underlined, proceeded by underlining parts of sentences, I cannot abide this sort of stuff, so must get another copy that is less offence.
Too bad the library system does not have a system or take the time to look at a returned book, and charge the under-liner (or other persons defacing a book or what have you) for the cost of the book, that way they can keep it forever!!
Well got that off my chest!!
July 31, 2019
I found this book valuable to help me care for those who have lost someone close. This book skipped the bulls**t and taught me ways to respond that won't put me on someone's black list. I highly recommend it for those who have gone through grief or are tip toeing around people affected by grief.
July 29, 2022
My Thoughts
The authors show us, through different people's stories and poetry, how grief affects and changes us, but it isn't the same for everyone. We experiment different emotions and have different thoughts, as the examples in this book.
It helped me understand what happens in a person's brain while they're in grief, and how they feel in every stage. Nevertheless, it also shows the perspective of how people who aren't grieving have to interact with someone who is. It shows the two faces of the encounter; it's awkward, so awkward. For both of them.
Some of the stories are actually touching; loved ones dying due a terminal illness; accidents that nobody could have avoided and wasn't expecting; the terrorist attempt in 11/9 and the PanAm Flight 103. I've been able to know how the loved ones of the people who died handled the situation, how they felt back then, and how are feeling now.
One of the most interesting things about this book is that they explain the difference between a man in grief, and a woman in grief: because we don't react the same way. When we're grieving, we come back to our roots. As the authors explain caveman/cavewoman way of responding. When tragedy hits, these primal instincts begin to surface. Men start protecting, and woman start caring.
Among all of this, there're a lot of quotes, prose and poetry written by people who was in grief because their partner, parents or child died. Some of them are really helpful to see the world in a different light.
Favourite quotes
"The real marriage of true minds is for any two people to possess a sense of humor or irony pitched in exactly the same key, so that their joy joint glances at any subject cross like interarching lights." By Edith Wharton.
"Sometimes the group wants to be attached at the hip to you, but you just want to be left alone. This need for solitude is a part of grieving; it's not meant to be insulting or unappreciative."
"This seems like such weird thing to do — to turn your back on someone in the depths of suffering and grief just to avoid what might be an uncomfortable few minutes. It doesn't make sense. Awkwardness has something to do with it, but there is a deeper reason why many people avoid the bereft."
"Because the stigma of the grieving person is that he or she is damaged, dark, tragic, and a downer to be around, you may find yourself fighting against being stigmatized. No one likes to be devalued into a set of cliché characteristics, so you may try hard to show the world you are not 'that' by always displaying a mask of pleasant bravery."
"Scent matters. All sorts of simple, taken-for-granted 'stuff' matters."
"Maybe this realization — that loving the person you lost was worth it, is worth it — maybe this is the place to begin."
The authors show us, through different people's stories and poetry, how grief affects and changes us, but it isn't the same for everyone. We experiment different emotions and have different thoughts, as the examples in this book.
It helped me understand what happens in a person's brain while they're in grief, and how they feel in every stage. Nevertheless, it also shows the perspective of how people who aren't grieving have to interact with someone who is. It shows the two faces of the encounter; it's awkward, so awkward. For both of them.
Some of the stories are actually touching; loved ones dying due a terminal illness; accidents that nobody could have avoided and wasn't expecting; the terrorist attempt in 11/9 and the PanAm Flight 103. I've been able to know how the loved ones of the people who died handled the situation, how they felt back then, and how are feeling now.
One of the most interesting things about this book is that they explain the difference between a man in grief, and a woman in grief: because we don't react the same way. When we're grieving, we come back to our roots. As the authors explain caveman/cavewoman way of responding. When tragedy hits, these primal instincts begin to surface. Men start protecting, and woman start caring.
Among all of this, there're a lot of quotes, prose and poetry written by people who was in grief because their partner, parents or child died. Some of them are really helpful to see the world in a different light.
Favourite quotes
"The real marriage of true minds is for any two people to possess a sense of humor or irony pitched in exactly the same key, so that their joy joint glances at any subject cross like interarching lights." By Edith Wharton.
"Sometimes the group wants to be attached at the hip to you, but you just want to be left alone. This need for solitude is a part of grieving; it's not meant to be insulting or unappreciative."
"This seems like such weird thing to do — to turn your back on someone in the depths of suffering and grief just to avoid what might be an uncomfortable few minutes. It doesn't make sense. Awkwardness has something to do with it, but there is a deeper reason why many people avoid the bereft."
"Because the stigma of the grieving person is that he or she is damaged, dark, tragic, and a downer to be around, you may find yourself fighting against being stigmatized. No one likes to be devalued into a set of cliché characteristics, so you may try hard to show the world you are not 'that' by always displaying a mask of pleasant bravery."
"Scent matters. All sorts of simple, taken-for-granted 'stuff' matters."
"Maybe this realization — that loving the person you lost was worth it, is worth it — maybe this is the place to begin."
May 13, 2024
*3,5
“There are few absolutes in grief, no secret formulas, and not many loopholes. Capturing an experience as personal as grieving will always strike a chord with different people in different ways. Everyone must find his or her own path through it”
Interesting and thoughtful portrayal of what it means to feel grief and the process you go through when it happens.
A great choice of the authors was to make it personal, as if they were talking to a friend, without becoming condescending or belittling. It has multiple chapters, divided into different sections, making it easy to read.
The only thing is that they obviously wrote from an American perspective to an audience who is most likely American, which means that some references and sentiments were not as easily understood, as I’m European.
Still, it was an enlightening and thought provoking need, with a great dash of humor as well. Definitely a must read if you want to learn more about grief and the impact it has on a person and the people around them.
“There are few absolutes in grief, no secret formulas, and not many loopholes. Capturing an experience as personal as grieving will always strike a chord with different people in different ways. Everyone must find his or her own path through it”
Interesting and thoughtful portrayal of what it means to feel grief and the process you go through when it happens.
A great choice of the authors was to make it personal, as if they were talking to a friend, without becoming condescending or belittling. It has multiple chapters, divided into different sections, making it easy to read.
The only thing is that they obviously wrote from an American perspective to an audience who is most likely American, which means that some references and sentiments were not as easily understood, as I’m European.
Still, it was an enlightening and thought provoking need, with a great dash of humor as well. Definitely a must read if you want to learn more about grief and the impact it has on a person and the people around them.
October 28, 2022
3.5🌟
I felt related a lot about how we never feel the same after losing someone close. This book describes stage to stage how a person react when they grief. Not so many knowledge but sharing emotion.
I felt related a lot about how we never feel the same after losing someone close. This book describes stage to stage how a person react when they grief. Not so many knowledge but sharing emotion.
October 9, 2017
A moving and useful touchstone. Thank you.
November 14, 2021
It's a great book.... Never thought a topic as heavy as grief can be discussed with such a ease and lightness .... It's an amazing book.
December 22, 2021
easy to go through, and it felt like a friend was talking to you and explaining all the aspects of grief
January 27, 2022
3 and 1/2 stars out of 5 for this book. I thought it was quite good, not a classic, but well worth a read.
September 16, 2022
This book may not be for everyone but it’s extremely honest, has written down in print what so many are thinking and it will make you laugh as well as cry.
September 17, 2025
helpful
July 19, 2021
personally i loved this book because it never felt forced or fake: in fact, it was more like someone was talking to me and guiding me through the journey of grief, telling me stories and teaching me lessons. this made me cry several times but i’m so grateful for it because of various reasons. it has left me shaken, something books don’t always do to me.
July 31, 2021
An informative and helpful book. I think everyone has at least underwent an intense grieving experience once, though it was a long time ago (like me). This book helped me to revisit that and got my head around it a little more. This, I found particularly helpful and soothing in some ways, because there were curves that weren’t able to be healed properly since I refused to confront at that exact moment, when the pain filled the whole room and felt too big for me; yet this book made me to. In a way that is very empathic and guiding. The confrontation this book put me under didn’t felt like a rain with scary thunders, it was more like a drizzle. It was slow and calming. It /still/ did felt cold, though. But what do you expect. It was a rain after all.
In addition, I think this book will be particularly helpful for those who are /in/ grief. Though I cannot say how much it will help, how much degrees of pain it will alleviate, one thing to note is that this book puts me in a good understanding of what’s going on, especially things that happens under the weight of a grief. And to heal, understanding stuff is a good, early step. This book will give you just that. Not all of the explanation will be universal, since I realized this book is quiet American-centric (I’m an Indonesian and a Muslim on top of that!/ there were variables that weren’t so culturally-fit/? for me) but most of them are. I still think it’s worth to try🙂👍.
In addition, I think this book will be particularly helpful for those who are /in/ grief. Though I cannot say how much it will help, how much degrees of pain it will alleviate, one thing to note is that this book puts me in a good understanding of what’s going on, especially things that happens under the weight of a grief. And to heal, understanding stuff is a good, early step. This book will give you just that. Not all of the explanation will be universal, since I realized this book is quiet American-centric (I’m an Indonesian and a Muslim on top of that!/ there were variables that weren’t so culturally-fit/? for me) but most of them are. I still think it’s worth to try🙂👍.
May 8, 2011
This book goes beyond the information that Kubler-Ross shares about death and dying. It is for those who have experienced the grief of losing a loved one. It is for those who want to understand the grief of someone they care about in their life. It offers meaning to the often confusing behaviors associated with the grieving person. Surprisingly, it also helps us better understand the grief of a major loss, whether it is through divorce, severe illness or loss of faith through tragedy. Regardless of the type of grief one has experienced, I found that the points raised and the examples provided drew me in and gave me reason to relate. Interestingly, one point mentioned was that a person in grief tends to be drawn to books on grieving and finding solace in the day to day...having done these things, I could definitely personally relate.
January 21, 2015
One of the best books about grief - deep wrenching grief (which the book reminds us means "weight") - and observations about how we learn to live with it (not "get over it") and bear its weight. Subtitled "grace notes..." this book can truly be a gift of grace for the grieving. It's not a quick fix for your sorrow, but a believable, comforting buoy that keeps you afloat in a dark time. A book to read at any point in the grieving process. A few months after finishing it, I'm considering rereading it for additional insights. It would also be appropriate as a gift, due to its non-clinical tone and its warmness. I truly appreciated this book.
July 28, 2014
A fresh approach on a subject most people want to ignore. Not clinical or a first person account but as the subtitle indicates Grace Notes on what it means to grieve. I liked the gentle humor sprinkled throughout. I liked the many references to other media e.g., poetry, movies, plays. I didn't like the section on gender which was a superficial take on how men and women express their grief. And I was distracted by several obvious typos (Pages 7, 8, 152, 186, for example.) Still, after reading over a dozen books on grieving, I would put this at the top of my list for getting it right.
September 20, 2014
A good short but readable book with the reader coming out at the end of it, more informed about issues of grief, death and attendant issues within these subjects. The tone used by the authors is conversation, avoiding jargon, which is what you might have expected if this book was written by those in the therapy professions. They provide a lot of examples to illuminate what they have learned about grief from talking to a lot of people.
For those who are currently experiencing grief, this book may be helpful.
For those who are currently experiencing grief, this book may be helpful.
May 8, 2015
Highly recommended for those grieving or close to a griever.
Helpful book for the early stages of grieving; both for the primary griever (parent, spouse, son or daughter of deceased) and for the people closest to them. Shares great insight into the changes the griever is going through. Made me feel that I was not alone in not 'getting over it faster' at some arbitrary speed that my employer or friends would prefer. Made me realize that other people also feel this terrible after losing a loved one, and that life will never be the same, but there IS room for both grief and joy.
Helpful book for the early stages of grieving; both for the primary griever (parent, spouse, son or daughter of deceased) and for the people closest to them. Shares great insight into the changes the griever is going through. Made me feel that I was not alone in not 'getting over it faster' at some arbitrary speed that my employer or friends would prefer. Made me realize that other people also feel this terrible after losing a loved one, and that life will never be the same, but there IS room for both grief and joy.
June 15, 2014
An excellent guide to profound grief. There is some humor here, some good examples of what profound grief is, and what to do about it. There are examples from literature and examples from real experiences. I got alot out of this book.
January 30, 2025
- ordered that book in 2021, before my grandma's passing and started reading it months after
- I have to say I got really close to that book, seeing how much I could relate to it and see those words, problems and differences in real life - everything written in it is just purely real
- I have to say I got really close to that book, seeing how much I could relate to it and see those words, problems and differences in real life - everything written in it is just purely real
September 28, 2011
Really straight-forward, even occasionally funny.
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November 9, 2011Great straight talk with out the tiptoeing around the raw feelings about grief in everyday language.
June 16, 2012
A wonderful, practical book about the mysterious emotion of grief. I highly recommend it whether you are grieving or someone close to you is. Well written, funny, heartfelt and helpful.
December 8, 2012
I gave this book 5 stars because for a book about grief; it covers everything in a very easy-to-read comprehensive manner.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 34 reviews