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How Not to Grow Up!: A Coming of Age Memoir. Sort of.

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A hilarious story of how a self–confessed, perpetual "Big Kid" deals with his greatest fear of getting older and is the perfect book for everyone who, deep down, still thinks they're 18 years old Comedian Richard Herring has a major problem. He’s about to turn 40 and hasn’t seen it coming. He’s not married, doesn’t have a proper job or 2.4 children. But now, finally, it looks as if the world expects him to be a grown up—and he’s completely unprepared. As the momentous and terrifying event approaches (his birthday), Richard notices a steep decline in his own behavior. Inexplicably, he begins to behave more childishly by hanging out with 22-year-olds, developing an unhealthy addiction to children's television, and even getting into a ludicrous fight. How Not to Grow Up is the hilarious story of how a self–confessed, perpetual "Big Kid" deals with his greatest fear of getting older and is the perfect book for everyone who, deep down, still thinks that they?re 18.

320 pages, Paperback

First published February 14, 2010

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Richard Herring

50 books47 followers

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5 stars
130 (17%)
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282 (38%)
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72 (9%)
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 47 reviews
Profile Image for Stefanie.
316 reviews6 followers
January 22, 2012
I read this book in one day. There, I said it. It took me all day, but it was a pretty good day.

Rich's writing style is eloquent, intelligent, and shamelessly open. He holds nothing back, he presents himself as an actual whole human, not as someone writing a memoir to make a point (but which, of course, he is). This is a memoir of a damaged and possibly deranged (let's face it) man struggling to make himself feel whole. If there is one thing about Rich that is to be admired, it's that he really wants people to fully understand what he's trying to do, whether it be in this book or his stand-up. He wants to make it clear that he rarely presents a one-sided argument: when he writes, about himself or otherwise, he has thought about it from every angle. And this obsessive nit-picking could go on for pages/minutes, and that is what makes him. He doesn't dumb down his ideas, he doesn't present himself as an easy stereotype of the comedian. He shows himself as flawed and almost simultaneosly hates and praises himself for his behavior. And that's what makes it funny! It's hilarious! Because he can't decide whether he should be indulgent or if he should be the man society says he should be.

So read this if you want to watch a man unravel and try to put himself together again. And fall in love a million times. Even though I'm pretty far from my own mid-life crisis, I still loved this book and thought the deranged self-indulgent struggle was something to which many people can relate. I think if you're not as introspective a person as Rich is, it's easy to read this quickly and see something different than perhaps intended. It's easy to write this off as a book about a guy who had tons of sex and didn't know where is life was going to someone who magically turned it around. But it's more complex and witty and mad than that.
Profile Image for Matthew Marcus.
64 reviews7 followers
January 26, 2012
Richard Herring does seem like a nice, and obviously a funny, guy, but this book presents a real problem for him. It's a story about the transition from irresponsible kidulthood to (relative) maturity, but here's the thing: being childish is inherently funny. Behaving like a responsible adult, not so much. Herring sets himself the impossible task of having to sing the praises of healthy eating, committed relationships and laying off the booze... when his writing is much more likely to take off on the subject of living off a diet of Flumps, getting into drunken fights or the desperate lifelong quest to achieve a threesome. And sadly his "profound insights" into working with disabled children and "finding the one" (a woman who has a boyfriend when he first meets her, and whom he pesters and cajoles for months online to go out with him... CLASSY) range from sophomoric to actively cringeworthy. Sorry Richard, you should write a book about something funny next time, because sadly How Not To Grow Up only proves that something doesn't become funny just because Richard Herring writes about it.
Profile Image for Ben Baker.
Author 11 books5 followers
November 19, 2015
I like Richard Herring although it took me a fair while to come round to that opinion with lots of middling projects and terrible ideas post-Stewart Lee split. This find Rich somewhere around that transformative period and gives a lot of background as to why. Part of my issue with this book is that his daily blog already made him considerably more open than many of his contemporaries in many ways and this reads like a lot of strung together lengthier entries. I suspect slashed of at least 50 pages, it might have had some much needed pace. (And I don't mean Pace from Richard Herring's Baffling Poker Related Chat Show That Actually Existed For Some Reason.) The Cornish-faced idiot.
Profile Image for Maureen.
402 reviews12 followers
July 6, 2010
Entertaining - and wincingly honest - for the most part, but it loses it at the end when he falls in lurve and loses all self-awareness. YAWN.
Profile Image for Nick Davies.
1,731 reviews58 followers
July 11, 2019
Maybe I have read a few too many semi-confessional memoirs by male comedians approaching middle-age, maybe this was just not quite as enjoyable as some of the others I have read, maybe it caught me at a bad time. Nevertheless I was slightly disappointed by this book, for all that I picked it up cheap.

Herring does the usual thing (for this type of book) of discussing a few serious issues pertinent to the author and probably to a number of his audience, with a liberal sprinkling of wittiness, silliness, anecdote and observational comedy. Here he discusses his feelings as he approached his fortieth birthday and how his life was that of a privileged man-child, and how in the year or two after, he sorta' matured and found a bit more meaning and insight during the process.

Having recently hit the same landmark myself, there was plenty of common ground in what Herring describes, and he is an honest and thoughtful sort of bloke. There was plenty of this hence that I liked. I just felt that somewhere around the middle for me, it felt a little less impactful, and the second half had some slightly off-putting aspects. I have no problem with the inclusion of confessional aspects of a story which basically says 'I was drinking too much and sleeping around and not looking after myself because of male insecurities etc. but got a bit older and settled down and am happier on reflection', but a fair amount of the drunken promiscuousness felt a bit boastful and lacking in self-awareness. There is a question of to what extent we indulge in 'editing' one's past when we look back with more mature eyes, here maybe I would have preferred less honesty/detail or a greater sense that he was behaving like a twat and felt bad about it. There seemed something less likeable about Herring in this journey as compared to other male comedians describing theirs (e.g. Robert Webb 'How Not To Be A Boy').
101 reviews5 followers
May 22, 2010
As the comedian Richard Herring approached his fortieth birthday he found himself behaving in ways that were increasingly childish. His life was a non-stop round of gigging, drinking, getting up late and then spending most of the day sitting around in his pants eating sweets and playing video games. His search for a relationship was becoming increasingly desperate, alternating between hopeless romanticism and a series of ill-advised temporary flings. He didn't even know if he really wanted a long term relationship when he couldn't even commit to a bag for life from the supermarket. The only people that seemed to understand him on his level were small children, perhaps recognising that he was a child like them rather than an adult.

Richard Herring has chronicled a pivotal year in his life in startling and sometimes confessional detail. He slowly starts to understand his urge to self destruct and gains an insight into how to strike a balance between adult responsibilities and the need to maintain a childlike view of the absurdities of life. Without giving too much away, he does turn out to be a bit of an old softy in the end (and not just around the middle from a diet of fried chicken and flumps).

If you have listened to the hundred and something podcasts that he has produced over the last two years, or read any of his daily blogs, then this book is an essential 'directors commentary' to accompany everything else. If you are not a die hard fan, then this might just turn you into one.

Highly recommended!
Profile Image for Fran.
693 reviews64 followers
March 6, 2016
I have a bit of a love/hate relationship with Richard Herring. Sometimes I find his comedy hilarious and heartwarming (personally, I think What is Love Anyway is the best thing he's done and the Ferrero Rocher routine is just brilliant), othertimes I find it totally unfunny (e.g. the 'begat' nonsense in Christ on a Bike), and sometimes I just find him offensive (but can't list a particular example here). When seeing him in person, and out of the 'character' he wears on stage, I find him to be a decent bloke. However, the crude and lewd that takes over when he's on stage really does get a bit purile for me.

So, I was hoping this book would be a bit more honest and less stage persona, and at times it really was interesting but mostly I just found it a bit 'meh' and have literally forgotten most of the substance as I write this several months later.

It probably doesn't help that I'm best friends with the worlds biggest Herring fan/stalker who thinks everything he does is amazing - it means that I'm automatically prone to being a skeptic, and a much harsher critic. I think that's what stopped me from giving this 3 stars and enjoying it a bit more. Sorry Richard, I don't really think you're that bad at all. At least it's not Stewart Lee.
Profile Image for Joseph.
2 reviews
February 21, 2014
The crux of the book isn't compelling enough as a premise to sustain itself so the book dawdles off into little funny tangents and routines every so often. Which would be fine except it means when he decides to get maudlin or serious the momentum isn't there to care as much as you'd hope too. Also some of the conversations he writes with people (particularly Emma) sound so excruciatingly false due to the otherwise chatty tone of the book that it's distracting. It reads like an over-stretched stand-up show. Overall a fun read but you'd be better off buying one of his stand-up DVD's as that's a format he suits far better
14 reviews1 follower
Read
July 30, 2011
wish I hadn't read this - have gone off Rich completely after finding out exactly how sleazy he is irl. What a shame as he is a talented comedian :(
545 reviews
January 27, 2025
I got this as a Christmas present around the time it came out and, even though I've always liked Richard Herring, I wasn't one for memoirs at the time, comedy or otherwise. It went on a shelf in my childhood bedroom, where I was back living at the time, and there it stayed. For 14 years.

Last month, back home again for Christmas but now in my late 30s, I was clearing a load of old stuff out from that same bedroom when I came across it again. I almost threw it away with another hundred or so books that I no longer have any use for, but thought I'd give the first chapter a read and make my mind up based on that.

I ended up really enjoying it, from start to finish, and looked forward to reading a section each night in bed. I do find Richard Herring funny but it made me laugh a lot more than I was expecting, as humour in books often falls a bit flat with me for some reason. I'm also really glad it sat on that shelf for 14 years because reading it at 38 years old, a similar age to Rich at the beginning of the book, and recently having tried to make a few changes to my own habits, I related to it a lot more.

All in all, I found it not only funny but well-written, thoughtful and touching, and saw a lot of myself in Rich's flitting between playful tyke, loveable rogue and sad clown, and his various neuroses that go along with that. I enjoyed the more philosophical moments and thought there were some surprisingly beautiful metaphors thrown in here and there during the more romantic and sentimental parts. In short, I'm delighted that I finally gave it the time of day.

Some people will judge Rich harshly for a few morally questionable, sex-addled moments, as shown by a few of the comments, and I'm sure that these people are completely perfect and have never done anything morally questionable in their lives. I'm also sure that if, for the sake of argument, they HAD done something morally questionable, they wouldn't be as unflinchingly honest about it as Rich and try to learn from it the way he does. I really admire this kind of honesty, especially when he clearly knows full well that some people will judge him for it.

If you're an introspective person who often overanalyses their own behaviour and know they're not perfect, and you think the name Will Lee is funny, you'll probably really enjoy this. Maybe even if you're a bank manager. But especially if you're worried about hitting 40 like me.
221 reviews1 follower
February 7, 2023
I felt that the title of this book was misleading because he spends the whole book pining for the Wife and Children life and worrying that it has passed him by which is definitely something that most people would call 'growing up'. From the title and blurb I thought the book would be about the joy of staying childish and not conforming to the tick boxes that society tries to force upon us in adulthood. Whilst the book has elements of this within it, it mainly focuses on Richard's attempt to fall in love now that he's turned 40.

I really didn't enjoy this book, If I was honest reading it made me feel a bit depressed and I was glad when it was finished. I was unfamiliar with Richard's stand-up work and I wasn't keen on his comedy partnership with Stewart Lee in the 90's but I have enjoyed some of his more recent work with the RHLSTP podcasts and that's how I came to purchase this book. I think with hindsight this book is probably more similar in style to his stand-up comedy work (and this is mentioned within the book) and therefore if you aren't a fan of that then you probably won't like this book. Personally I didn't find the book funny, but comedy is subjective.

One thing that can be said for this book is that it is honest and as a result it really doesn't paint Richard in the best light, the first 75% of the book is spent with him attempting to seduce women who are half his age, having meaningless sexual encounters and then feeling a bit dispirited about it afterwards (but always with a hint of smugness) because he feels at nearly 40 he should be growing up and the last 25% is how he fell in love with Catherine by pursueing her whilst she had a boyfriend who had been very kind to Richard previously. He really doesn't come out of this book seeming a nice person.

If you're a fan of Richard's stand-up then you may enjoy this book. I've read many autobiographies that follow the common arc of a man dealing with his percieved loss of youth and it's been done better elsewhere.
Profile Image for Diocletian.
56 reviews2 followers
March 6, 2019
This book is required reading for any Richard Herring fan, though don't get your hopes up too much. Two thirds of the book is him wallowing in self pity so it's not very entertaining. There are a few very funny moments thankfully. The start of the book was incredibly funny, the author regaled all the fights he's had in his life. After that, it gets a bit verbose and dry. All in all, it is good to know how he ended up finishing his life of debauchery to settle down with his soulmate. He is a skillful writer and given his potty-mouth on the comedy circuit, I was actually impressed with his level of diction.

Quotes:
All right they might have been fifteen, but I was only looking. That's not a crime. We can look. As long as we don't touch. They can't stop us looking! This is our democratic right. If a 39-year-old man can't stare lasciviously at the bare legs of a fifteen-year-old girl then Al-Qaeda has won.


I just need to recuperate. To take stock. All right?! And if decide that that it will help if I am wanked off by a ladyboy then it is no one's business but my own!


And yet it struck me that so many people who use 'childish' as a pejorative term and who see themselves as sensible and grown up, also believe in life after death and a big man in the sky who is watching over them always and judging everything they do. These people however are rarely chastised for being puerile or silly or at least take great offense when they are.


But then maybe the Virgin Mary likes to use her magical powers to make inanimate, tacky objects weep for a short period of time, rather than cure sick children or banish world poverty. Anything is possible.
Profile Image for Debbie.
228 reviews6 followers
May 26, 2020
Blimey Richard Herring. I’m 44 and I was feeling ok but you have just reminded me that I’m on an icy slope speeding to old age and death and I have left behind the amazingness of being young. Thanks for that.

Having listened to pretty much all of Richard Herrings podcasts I’m already familiar with all this and it’s very very funny.

It’s also interesting to see how other people deal with turning 40. Personally I loved it. I have more confidence, I know more, I get taken more seriously and I don’t get so upset about not being able to wear ‘cool girl’ clothes. I took io playing an instrument and feel fine (if a bit tired and achey)


Honestly there are so many unlikable people in this book and one of them is Richard. This obsession with younger women and threesomes. Who on earth has ever sat and banged on about how unfair it is that they have never had a threesome? Oh apparently a Richard has.

The heavy handed way he tries it on with someone with a boyfriend. It’s all, pretty gross. I still kind of like him though. I really don’t know why. (Thank goodness I’m not an attractive woman in my 20s and don’t have to worry about any of this anymore)

I went to the fringe for the first time and say his show that basically finishes the book. I’m very glad I caught him after the ‘shenanigans’

Profile Image for Adam.
420 reviews2 followers
October 21, 2017
If it was not for the fact that I've recently seen Richard Herring in his Edinburgh show "Oh Frig, I'm Fifty" I would be seriously worried that he was unlikey to make it to far into his forties. He displays the classic impulsive decision making and poor life choices of someone suffering from depression. Fortunately, I know from listening to him over the last decade on podcasts and having seen several of his shows, that Richard has pulled himself around, which is fortunate for those who like his witty if slightly immature humour.
Profile Image for Hil.
487 reviews11 followers
January 22, 2019
As a recent discoverer of RHLSTP and a long-time fan of Fist of Fun and TMWRNJ back in the day, I enjoyed this a lot. It read like a book by Mike Gayle or Nick Hornby, rather than a memoir, which I think made it even better. I related to his inner conflicts a lot.
Profile Image for Signe Jørgensen.
6 reviews1 follower
May 8, 2017
A very human human

Richard Herring is a manchild. He is both naive and funny, thoughtful and mature. It's a lovely book about a very ordinary, exceptional and unique man.
Profile Image for Richard.
314 reviews4 followers
August 1, 2011
This book is really, really funny. It is well written and interesting and puts his previous effort (Talking Cock) to shame. Whilst that was basically a dissertation on the penis (a male version of The Vagina Monologues) this is an actual story. I assume that the majority of the tale he tells is true – I occasionally read his blog and there were certain moments that I knew something about as a result of this. But is is not just a retreading of the blog, it is the tale of a man who is stuck in a lifestyle that he doesn’t seem to be able to shake himself from. There are elements of midlife crisis in this book, but it ends happily – perhaps too happily, so I wonder what happened immediately after the narrative ends. Certainly the dedication at the front seems to suggest that all was not as happy as the end of the book makes it seem, but you do want the guy to be happy at the end so it would be interesting to find out what, if anything, happened next.

Funny and sad at the same time. I really enjoyed it.



Profile Image for James Manders.
Author 2 books2 followers
June 14, 2015
I like the (incredibly vast) body of work of Richard Herring, the stand up shows, the podcasts, the radio work and this was the last of the 4 of his books I had queued up to read, which I finally got around to.

It is different to the blog books as it isn't a daily account of his life when he was 40 but a story with a thread running throughout.

It gives an insight into the life of a working comedian and of something of a mid-life crisis.

The incredible thing about this book is just how honest he is in it, I don't mean about things such as his sexual encounters in it, those are the sort of stories that you can hear being proudly regaled (or made up) if you walk into a pub, I mean the less successful encounters, the humiliations, the myspace conversation that makes for some uncomfortable reading and the circumstances under which he met his wife.

It makes for an interesting read.
Profile Image for Kev Bickerdike.
29 reviews6 followers
September 11, 2012
Is he bildungsroman? Is he picaresque? Or is he just that bloke off of the telly?
What Richard is, is a genuinely funny bloke. The phrase laugh out loud is possibly the most overused and meaningless phrase of the internet savvy generation, but I did indeed laugh at a certain volume constantly whilst reading the memoirs of a fried chicken eating lothario.
Yes, I am a fan, but as other reviewers have also commented not the kind of fan who slavishly laps up everything Richard puts out. So my enjoyment of this book was absolutely, unreservedly genuine.
Richard manages to imbue his tale with humour and self reflection in a way that is never self sneering, and as such I found myself sympathising with his single male ruminations every step of the way...even when he was being, frankly, a bit of a man whore.
More writing please Rich.
Profile Image for Lulu Wreikat.
34 reviews12 followers
July 20, 2013
First time I read it back in March it took me a week to finish it!
I kept thinking of it when I was done, the way his life turns around inspired me dramatically, though I'm almost 21 only!
I decided to read it again, but this time I took my time, I left this book to be the last escape to turn to; this so familiar story and enjoy the hilariousness of Richard Herring! I finished it again, inspired even more and more in love with the brilliant finishing of it! I knew where my favorite pages are, those last few ones, but I wanted to go thru his journey again and looked from a different perspective at the details and understood his life more!
Thank you Mr. Herring, u taught me how not to grow up, ever :)
Profile Image for Sarah.
438 reviews17 followers
September 15, 2014
This is ideal for anyone approaching their fortieth birthday with less than enthusiasm and also for those who have experienced this supposedly milestone birthday and now smugly know there’s nothing to it. It’s funny and confessional. At the end it’s sweet, but before that it’s a bit sleazy and lost. This book taught me the plural Flumpses. You should look up “Pyrrhic victory” before reading if you don’t know who he was and what it was. It’s not used with quite the frequency in which Alan Partridge was reported to have written “Needless to say I had the last laugh” but it does crop up more than once. It’s an uplifting book in places, Herring has a lot of optimism. He’s also very honest about times when he’s a bit of an idiot.
Profile Image for Simon.
16 reviews18 followers
November 26, 2010
Very very funny book. On how the other half approach (and pass) forty, considering 'the other half' in this case is unmarried, without children and famous. I feel almost guilty laughing at all his terrible exploits and moral dilemas, but then I have plenty of my own as a married man with two kids and no fame. I think it's fair to say that kinda balances things out, and I don't really have to feel guilty at laughing at him.

Mostly, however, I'm laughing with him. He's a very funny man. Although he's missed a trick if he thinks getting married and having kids means you have to stop acting like a kid. If anything having kids gives you all the more excuse!
Profile Image for Anthony Ryan.
Author 78 books9,903 followers
December 17, 2014
Comedian Richard Herring's account of his reaction to turning 40 is often painfully honest but also frequently hilarious. The distinctly unglamorous life of a working stand-up is revealed as a lonely and frustrating parade of hotel rooms and variable audience response as Herring charts his misadventures, from brawling with a drunken university lecturer in Liverpool to an ill-advised if longed for threesome (Champagne anyone?). Herring's eventual acceptance of the inevitability of age, aided by finally forming a lasting relationship, is told with considerable wit and pathos. Maturity, it seems, comes to us all whether we like it or not.
Profile Image for Martin Smith.
Author 1 book6 followers
August 9, 2011
This is one of my favourite books. This isn't because I like Richard Herring, although I do, but because I could relate so much of it to my experiences.

We are of a similar age give or take a year, we have both enjoyed a few drinks in our time and have both gained and shifted a few pounds. I found it a very honest and personal account as well as being highly entertaining and very funny.

I'd recommend it to any forty something but would also add that my 17 year old daughter also read it and loved it.
Profile Image for Ele Wilson.
46 reviews4 followers
June 14, 2015
I wasn't really sure what to expect when I started reading this book but found it really enjoyable. Richard Herring speaks with a blunt honesty about his romantic quests, his struggle to settle down and the constant battle to remain funny in an ever increasing world of comedy. He takes us through the months leading to his 40th birthday and the many battles he faced with himself to control his childish instincts as well as how life has since changed ....for the better!
Remarkably funny and interesting.
Profile Image for Matthew.
32 reviews1 follower
November 24, 2010
Oh god, I'm a huge fan of Richard Herring and I'm glad I bought this book (He has given me many hours of free entertainment with his podcast) but...

It's awful. I very rarely fail to finish books but this one is so bad, so unfunny and just so, well, horrible that I couldn't manage it. I've got about 50 pages from the end but I can't will myself to get any further.

If you're a fan of the podcast then buy it anyway just to say thank you, but please don't read it.
1 review12 followers
October 9, 2011
I loved this book, and Im a girl!- he is so refreshingly honest, I think the comments saying hes sleazy arent exactly incorrect, but he KNOWS how badly he´ll come across in admitting certain things and does it anyway, he doesnt lie to keep us all happy. I for one like him for that, I think hes slightly tongue-in-cheek anyway, and its an amusing & enjoyable read.
From a fellow, although perhaps less extreme kidult, definate thumbs up.
13 reviews1 follower
February 7, 2012
It had some funny lines and observances in it but I think I was expecting a more comedy mishap kind of story.

What it seemed to be in the end is a story about a bloke looking for love as he reaches the age of the mid life crisis.

An OK and easy read overall. However, I may have been expecting too much.
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