Everything Hurts

by Bill Scheft

Phil Camp has a problem. Not the fact that he wrote a parody of a self-help book ( Where Can I Stow My Baggage? ) that the world took seriously and that became an international bestseller, or that he wrote the book under a phony name, Marty Fleck, and the phony name became a self-help guru overnight. Phil cannot be Marty Fleck. He can barely be himself.No, Phil's problem is that he has been walking with a limp for nine months. Phil is in constant pain, yet there is nothing physically wrong with his body that would cause such agony. This problem leads him to the controversial Dr. Samuel Abrun, a real doctor who wrote a real self-help book ( The Power of "Ow!" ) that made thousands of people pain-free.So what happens when the self-help fraud meets the genuine item? Does he get better? Can he hobble out of his own way to help himself? Most important, can the reader make it through fifty pages without thinking, Wait a minute. Is that a twinge I feel in my lower back or just gas?Phil embraces Abrun's unorthodox psychogenic theories passionately but manages to save some passion for Abrun's daughter, Janet, herself a doctor who has her own theories about, and remedies for, chronic pain. If all this weren't enough, Phil tries to delve further into his past with his unconventional psychotherapist, the Irish Shrink, even if it means revealing dark secrets he never remembered telling him the first two or three times. To top it all off, Phil confronts his alter ego's nemesis, right-wing radio blowhard Jim McManus, only to find out they share a common enemy -- the same family.Like Carl Hiassen and Larry David, author Bill Scheft understands that the best humor is always excruciating. That fits the story of Everything Hurts and its Pain is the ultimate teacher. By the end, Phil Camp, the self-proclaimed "self-help fraud," turns out to be the real thing. And the real thing turns out to be flawed and confused, but hopeful. In other words, human.

Genres: Fiction, Humor, Comedy, Novels

288 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 7, 2009

Reviews

[Darlene · Rating 4 out of 5]

It was a complete 'fluke' that Phil Camp (using the pen name Marty Fluke), wrote a best-selling self-help book called 'Where Can I Stow My Baggage?'. Phil is well-aware that he and his book are complete frauds. But what really complicates matters for Phil is that he is suffering from intense leg pain which is causing him to walk with a constant limp... and yet, his pain seems to have no physical origin.

Phil finds himself in the hospital, about to undergo surgery , when he has a chance meeting with Dr. Samuel Abrun... not a fraud but an honest-to-goodness doctor who also wrote a self-help book entitled 'The Power of Ow'. The premise of Dr. Abrun's therapy is that any PHYSICAL pain which does not seem to be rooted in an organic, physical cause is actually caused by repressed rage. He encourages people to unearth their underlying, buried anger.... when this anger is released, the pain will simply disappear.

This story follows Phil on his road to become pain-free.. through many absurd twists and turns ; and of course through various dysfunctional and humorous family interactions. The story that unfolds comes complete with some very colorful characters... there is Phil's psychiatrist, Paddy O'Reagan (known as the 'Irish Shrink'); Phil's love interest, Janet, who also just happens to be the daughter of Dr. Abrun; and Phil's half-brother, Jim McManus, an extreme right-wing talk show host.

Although this book was satirical and darkly humorous, I couldn't stop thinking about the very sad truth at its center. There DOES seem to be a strong connection between the mind and body.. most everyone accepts now that stress and depression contribute to many physical ailments. I enjoyed that this story addressed the proliferation of self-help books and even television shows (which I despise), written by and hosted by self-proclaimed experts. Although this story had me laughing out loud at times, I also found it to be a sad commentary on how people's problems, pain and desperation can be exploited for personal gain.

[Aaron Lindsey · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hilarious! Larry David provided a blurb for the back of the cover, and that is fitting because it'd the same kind of humor you find on Curb Your Enthusiasm. Another similarity that I loved, Scheft uses real celebrities in the story. I love that. Derek Jeter even pops up near the end. If you like funny books, this one is for you.

[Lanier · Rating 3 out of 5]

Picked this up a few days ago looking for March, by Gwendolyn Brooks for our in-house club, and Staceyann Chin's autobio, The Other Side of Paradise for my poets who joined me in Bryant Park last Thurs.

I laughed at least once every other page, I mean lol, style and I thought I could use a break from these other heady reads.

Also picked up Kick the Balls, by this Scotsman, living in California dealing with a bit of culture shock and coaching the "Bad News Bears" of soccer. Promises to be a bit rauncy and definitely a good laugh like Scheft's self-help paradoy jaunt.

5-24-09
210--"There is no hero like a bargain hero."
Finished on the way to Rhode Island for a few days. I don't know if I lost the thread having set it aside for a few weeks, or I'm not liking the Yankees--EVER--but all that crap about Jeter just didn't fit. I mean, the main characters are FROM Boston, and the Red Sox are only vaguely referred to. Yet, after a turn of events, Phil is interviewing the Yankees!!!??? Oh, and if this book had only come out a few months later, Scheft would've KNOWN that the Sox WON the WORLD SERIES that year!!!! Huge MISSED OPPORTUNITY here for the opposition?!?

Yet, not only for this reason, I thought the book could have cut 20-30 pages. Though they were a bit entertaining, they seemed forced, out of the blue and so AGAINST the character.

Great family comi-drama, with some witty tidbits and definitely great characters, but I kept feeling that Phil was closer to being cured at page 180 and again at 218.

[Sharon Falduto]

One of my least favorite genres--"middle aged male navel gazing" (another least favorite is "post apocalyptic," for those keeping score), but this one was relatively entertaining. The protagonist is saddled with pain and becomes a fan and follower of a book, "The Power of Ow," that insists that the pain he is feeling is actually in his mind, and he needs to deal with that before he will be pain free.

[Bookventures Book Club · Rating 2 out of 5]

Let me first start by saying that I did not find Everything Hurts to be as funny as it is declared in the synopsis. The book is hinged on sarcastic one-liners and perhaps some people would find that humorous but for the most part the sheer number of these one-liners spread throughout the book really made it difficult for me to find the humor in it all.

What is very true about the book is the irony in Everything Hurts. The story centers on the character Phil Camps, who writes a book under a pseudonym (Marty Fleck) and becomes wildly popular as a self help guru. However the wildly perceived self help guru needs help of his own as he is plagued by an annoying limp that tends to act up at the worst possible times. Camps encounters a pseudo self help guru – Dr. Abrun while on a quest to understand his pain. In the end Phil Camps/Marty Fleck turns out to be a real self help guru. Have I lost you yet?

Honestly it is not so bad. The story moves pretty quickly and what unfolds is a dysfunctional family dynamic that Phil Camps has to first understand and come to terms with. It’s a pretty unstable affair but the author did a good job tapping into that dark element of family life. There are spots of stability in the story though for example Camps finally falls in love after one failed marriage and a failed attempt at marriage.

I am not sure if readers will be connected to any of the characters present in Everything Hurts. In fact they are not really given a chance too. The only times that I found that the character, specifically Phil Camps is identifiable is during his sessions with his Irish Shrink Patrick O’ Reagan aka Paddy (ironically, he began his sessions with paddy during the Reagan Administration pg 46.) Usually at these times Phil Camps was most vulnerable while discussing his issues with paddy and I thought that this added much needed body to the character.

Thankfully not everyone shares my thoughts on this book. Amazon.com had some pretty positive reviews on Everything Hurts. Feel free to check them out here.

[Laura de Leon · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book as I was starting to really have problems with the back pain that had been bothering me a little bit for months. It was just the book for my frame of mind.

This is funny book. No question. It's a very satirical humor, which I enjoy. As with most satire, even its most ridiculous moments have roots in reality.

I enjoyed both of the self-help gurus: The doctor who claims all physical pain is caused by issues in the psyche. Resolve those, and the pain will go away. The problem is, who can ever really resolve all resentments, anger, and so on?

Better yet was "Marty Fleck", Phil's alter-ego for his parody of a self-help book, Where Can I Stow My Baggage?. No one is more surprised than he is when people take it seriously, and are actually helped by it.

There's a romantic storyline, and (as you'd expect) that has twists and turns as well. Janet was a little flat compared to the other characters, but not enough so to be an issue.

The (rather ridiculously complex) family relationships and accompanying issues made for interesting reading, and again, there were roots in reality that made the craziness worth reflecting on.

This book won't work for everyone. The humor won't work for some, the issues being satirized won't speak to others. If it doesn't sound like it would appeal to you, you're probably right. If it sounds good to you, pick it up to read. I'm glad I did.

[Angela · Rating 4 out of 5]

I know I requested this book for review some time ago but each time I went to read it I could not figure out why on earth I had requested it. Bill Scheft is a writer for David Letterman and writes humor. My husband says I have no sense of humor and I know that in the past I haven't found books that rely on humor at the expense of people to be funny. I still don't know what made me request Everything Hurts: A Novel but I'm really glad I did!

Bill Scheft truly brings to life Phil Camp's pain and his struggle to understand where it is coming from. The characters in this book are bizarre and quirky. The writing is very fast paced, even when it seems nothing is actually happening. Flippant remarks fly and many of the conversations make no sense especially to Phil. Phil's family history is pieced together from the odd conversation with the Irish Shrink or from a memory that triggers or is triggered by the pain. Many of the relationships are not at all what they appear to be on the surface.

Just like Marty Fleck, Bill Scheft manages to impart insights about the human condition in an irreverent, flippant, off-hand manner that belies the deeper thought underneath.

[Alan · Rating 4 out of 5]

OK, I knew this was going to be funny with pull quotes from the likes of Lewis Black & Larry David. As a starter he nails what it is to be Jewish (or any minority, I suppose), but especially insightful into the pains of my creed. But what a literary device: the narrator suffers from "Acute Psychogenic Syndrome," so he has to come to terms with the rage that creates his ongoing physical pain. This brilliant way of fleshing out a character makes one overlook niggling mistakes and the incredible level of humor of this book was a really welcome respite to some recent trauma of my own. Such a unique and enjoyable read, I'd up it to a 4.5 just to get more people into it.

[Betsy (Gray Matter) · Rating 3 out of 5]

I wanted to give this four stars, I really did, because it made me laugh. And so few books can do that, but it just wasn't that interesting a story. It was a nice break from some of the more serious books I've been reading and if you're looking for a "cute" read for your summer vacation you could do a lot worse.

[Dennis Martin · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was obviously written with the intention of being read by a middle aged Jewish man. Despite all evidence to the contrary, I am not a middle aged Jewish man. So this book was somewhat enjoyable, but not really my thing.

[Juliette · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was a clever idea, but ultimately the tone put me off. Once I realized that the author is a writer for David Letterman, I recognized the attitude as flippant, cocky, late-night man-humor. This is why I don't watch late-night talk shows.

[Mary]

This book suffered a lacking editor, who left syntax issues and missing words alone, and a naration style that could at times alienate the reader. However, in the end it wound up being a dear story about family that was worth the read.

[Christina (Boupie)]

Released in April, May or June 2009

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

A funny novel that suggests that our psychological pain causes most of our physical pain.

[Ruth · Rating 2 out of 5]

...ehh...

[Beth · Rating 3 out of 5]

Good. Very funny.

[Joyce · Rating 2 out of 5]

meh. Must speak to someone....just not me.

[Robert · Rating 3 out of 5]

So Bill Scheft wrote this as therapy for his own hip problem. It is marginally clever and rarely funny. Bomb threat at wedding is damn good, though.

[L · Rating 3 out of 5]

Not my favorite of his books (the blurb from Larry David should have been a clue), but still a quick read, well written.

[Chris · Rating 3 out of 5]

Easy read. Somewhat funny. It was altogether a book that should have been better. The ending was way too long and though everything was resolved, that some how bothered me.

[Gregory Andis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Apparently, I am Marty Fleck.

[Rick · Rating 3 out of 5]

Letterman writer converts to print, successfully.
Blurbs by Larry David and Lewis Black sold me.

[Lisa · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh. Silliness. And not nearly as funny as I had hoped.