Vintage Stuff

by Tom Sharpe

Peregrine Roderick Clyde-Brown is a bumbling, naive and savagely dim-witted teenager, who, as his name reveals, cannot possibly be exposed to the evils of a comprehensive school. However, with his penchant for taking even the most innocent command literally, no reputable school will accept the boy who, when told that he must turn over a new leaf, begins fondling the foliage.

His parents, with high hopes and a considerable amount of bribery money, search for anywhere that will take their "late developer." In a school that time forgot, Peregrine's "talents" for taking orders and having no discernible individual thought seem perfect for a promising career in the upper ranks of the British Army. It is at Groxbourne that Peregrine meets Mr Gladstone, a man whose teaching style extends as far as using lashings to teach arithmetic. After Gladstone whisks the unquestioning boy off on a hysterical mystery, Peregrine ends up storming a French castle, where he unwaveringly commits mischief, mayhem and even murder!

Genres: Humor, Fiction, Comedy, Satire, Modern, France, British Literature

336 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1982

About the author

Tom Sharpe was an English satirical author, born in London and educated at Lancing College and at Pembroke College, Cambridge. After National Service with the Royal Marines he moved to South Africa in 1951, doing social work and teaching in Natal, until deported in 1961.

His work in South Africa inspired the novels Riotous Assembly and Indecent Exposure. From 1963 until 1972 he was a History lecturer at the Cambridge College of Arts and Technology, which inspired his "Wilt" series Wilt, The Wilt Alternative, Wilt on High and Wilt in Nowhere.

His novels feature bitter and outrageous satire of the apartheid regime (Riotous Assembly and its sequel Indecent Exposure), dumbed- or watered-down education (the Wilt series), English class snobbery (Ancestral Vices, Porterhouse Blue, Grantchester Grind), the literary world (The Great Pursuit), political extremists of all stripes, political correctness, bureaucracy and stupidity in general. Characters may indulge in bizarre sexual practices, and coarser characters use very graphic and/or profane language in dialogue. Sharpe often parodies the language and style of specific authors commonly associated with the social group held up for ridicule. Sharpe's bestselling books have been translated into many languages.

Reviews

[Glenn Russell]

One of the most outrageously hilarious tales ever written. I say this as a seasoned Tom Sharpe fan.

The British author's satiric needle sticks deep when, beginning on the very first page, he describes one of his main characters, a teenage lad who has been driving everyone crazy. Peregrine Roderick Clyde-Brown's beauty “was the sort usually seen after a particularly nasty car accident.” Peregrine takes absolutely everything literally. If someone told Peregrine to go jump in a lake, he'd walk to the nearest lake - even if he had to hike three hours - and promptly jump in. Peregrine's father, a lawyer, rightly sees Peregrine as a gullible blockhead, but his mum thinks he's just a late bloomer. No reputable English public boarding school (equivalent to a private school in the US) would accept such a dunce. However, his mother refuses to send Peregrine to a day school (public school in the US) where he would be influenced by all those crass lower-class boys and girls.

After much searching, his father finds a high school that will actually admit Peregrine, a school by the name of Groxbourne. Groxbourne is virtually unknown in academic circles with its reputation limited to a few agricultural training colleges.

It is here Tom Sharpe's savagely satirical black comedy takes aim. As it transpires, the Headmaster of Groxbourne (a parody of the author's own Bloxham School) attributes the long list of graduates who fought and died in the two World Wars to its excellent sports facilities. And the more we learn, the clearer it becomes that Groxbourne shares many similarities with a military boot camp, even boasting “a special course for the Overactive Underachiever” run by Major Fetherington.

Indeed, anyone with a shred of sense will recognize that Groxborne is a brutal place, characterized by appalling instruction and frequent beatings. One of the schoolmasters openly professes that a beaten boy becomes a better boy. For dad, Groxbourne is perfect since he sees the Army as his son's future and he judges a few good beatings will be just the thing needed to knock some sense into Peregrine's thick skull. Dad hands the Headmaster a check for three full academic years plus an amount for the school restoration fund. Peregrine is sent off to Groxbourne.

And the schoolmaster who advocated repeated beatings to improve a boy's character? His name is Mr. Rodney Glodstone, and Peregrine will be placed in Mr. Glodstone's house. Again, Tom Sharpe's stinging satire is on full display. Although Glodstone speaks with an upper-class British accent, plays cricket, and can teach fencing, when it came to literature (and many other things), he remained a fourteen-year-old boy, admiring such characters as Richard Hannay, The Scarlet Pimpernel, and Bulldog Drummond. Glodstone even had made a pilgrimage every summer to the setting of one of his adventure stories in his 1927 Bentley, thinking that one day he'll be summoned by fate to take on the role of hero in his very own romantic adventure.

That blessed day comes. Mr. Slymme, the school's liberal-minded geography teacher who loathes Glodstone, concocts an elaborate plan whereby our Bulldog Drummond wannabe will set off, fully armed, to France in his Bentley to rescue La Comtesse de Monton, mother of one of the boys in his charge, who is currently being held prisoner - or so Glodstone is led to believe - in her castle. Now, every hero needs a loyal sidekick, every Batman his Robin, and for Glodstone, that means none other than Peregrine Clyde-Brown, “a boy endowed with the physique, courage, and mental attributes of a genuine hero.”

Oh, yes, the big and strong Peregrine was made for Groxbourne. "Unlike more sensitive boys, who found the school an initiation of hell, he was in his element.” The rugged teenager genuinely enjoyed enduring repeated caning, relished all the grueling military exercises, took pleasure in pummeling his opponents senseless in boxing matches — and, most of all, cherished the school's shooting range, where he could pretend he was vanquishing the enemy.

Peregrine also enjoyed all the adventure novels he was invited to read by Glodstone. However, there's a difference. “Unlike Glodstone, whose heroes were romantic and born of nostalgia, Peregrine was more modern. Seated on the running-board of the Bentley, he was not Bulldog Drummond and Richard Hanny, he was Bond and The Jackal: a man licensed to kill.” A man licensed to kill - foreshadowing with a vengeance. Not surprisingly in a Tom Sharpe novel, as Glodstone and Peregrine journey forth, much Monty Pythonesque pandemonium will surely follow.

I could not locate one comprehensive review of Vintage Stuff. This is surprising when we consider Tom Sharpe makes his most caustic commentary on a society valuing unflinching obedience, physical toughness, and cunning over developing critical thinking skills within the context of a liberal arts education.

I've read and reviewed a good number of Tom Sharpe novels, but it is Vintage Stuff I'd recommend above all his others.


British author Tom Sharpe, 1928-2013

[John · Rating 4 out of 5]

Definitely an acquired taste for English bumbling satirical humor. I liked the story about Peregrine who takes everything literally and is blindly obedient. Sent to the worse public school in England he finds a teacher Glodstone a teacher who lives in the past and believes in romance and adventure. Coupled with his enemy another teacher called Slymne who sends him off on an adventure to France with a Countess, castle and lots of laughter.

Peregrine is the perfect soldier and throw in the mad Major who trains him to become a killing machine and you have mayhem. Not to everyone’s taste but a one eyed mad teacher in a vintage Bentley hurtling acrosss France to save a Countess who dies not need to be saved tickled my funny bone.

[Floripiquita · Rating 5 out of 5]

Con este libro lloré literalmente de la risa. Muy divertido.

[Emmie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Truly vintage Tom Sharpe. Whenever you feel the need to laugh out loud, he is the author you should turn to. Great book!

[Sukumar Honkote · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book starts off with a brilliant setting and promises a fun-filled reading. But the later 3/4th of the book is a penmanship that is trying hard to be humorous. The story is never dull but for long stretches it is neither quite funny. The last 30- 40 pages are deliberate twists and turns to make sure that the story idiots are not in terrible trouble. Overall, its a good book to read and enliven the mind after a long day at the office but for me it does languish near the bottom in the humor category.

[Aurélien Thomas · Rating 4 out of 5]

Here's a cascade of dark humour, charged with vitriolic caricatures, and where an awful odyssey across France and gun fights, caused by absurd misunderstandings, serve the rescuing of a rather dubious Countess. It's an hilarious and crazy journey, starting with the education of an idiot (entrusted to half-mad teachers in a College which has nothing to envy to a high security prison!) and taking us all the way through the consequences of a prank gone chaotic. Tom Sharpe strikes again!

[Louis · Rating 3 out of 5]

An unusual and cleverly written adventure story which was superbly read by Stephen Fry.

[Sara Aye Moung · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious, “sharpe”, brilliance. As good as I remember other novels by him first read some time ago. Recommended.

[Laura · Rating 2 out of 5]

Turns out this is the level of complexity I can handle in an audiobook.

[Helen Carolan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sharpe's books are not very p c but still manage to raise a laugh. Here a teacher at an obscure boys school who has a healthy appetite for boys adventure stories, heads to France to rescue a countess, taking with him a student who takes every word uttered as literal. As is usual in Sharpe's mayhem ensues. Enjoyable read.

[Maria · Rating 4 out of 5]

Un libro muy divertido perfecto para aquellos días en los que necesitas desconectar y reírte un poco.

[Mike Jennings · Rating 5 out of 5]

Only on chapter 12 and this is already a winner - space is reserved on the 'definitely keep' shelf.

Yes, this was good. A well realised plot which resolves just a little too neatly for my liking. A good few chucklesome moments though and I like his style. I've been reading some pretty serious topics recently and this took me away with the fairies for a while, which is what I needed.

[James Ward · Rating 4 out of 5]

I first read this book many years ago and am currently re-reading Tom Sharpe's early work, which I enjoyed then and enjoy now.

It's his usual imaginative tale of a bonkers world in which mad, bad - and often naughty! - things happen. It slows a wee bit towards the end when he starts tying up all the loose ends, but his vivid imaginative take on the world is irresistible.

The plot is simple: a man obsessed with 'adventure yarns' ('The 39 Steps', 'Bulldog Drummond' etc) is manipulated by an enemy into undertaking the perilous rescue of a kidnapped French countess. She's nothing of the sort, but the disasters that follow are hilarious - and curiously believable. Accompanied by a lunatic halfwit, who takes everything he's told literally, the pair unleash mayhem and disaster in their pursuit of villains and heroic success.

If you like Tom Sharpe, you'll like this. If you've never read Tom Sharpe, this will give you a great introduction to his work.

[Andy Frazier · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book as research for a novel I am writing (under a pen-name) as much of it is set in France. I am a huge fan of Tom Sharpe although his prose is somewhat dated these days.
This book is so fast moving, that you need to stay very awake to keep up with Sharpe's wit and twisting plot.
It is nowhere near his best book, but it is fun to read and I love the character of Perriguine on whom I have drawn some references. For me Wilt is still one the greatest satirical protagonists in any humour book that I have read, and Sharpe is second only to Pratchett when comes to making me laugh.
I you havent read it but are (were) a fan of Wilt, then this one if definately worth a read.

[Charles Inglin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tom Sharpe's writing reminds me of a cross between Evelyn Waugh, Monty Python and Terry Pratchett. He was a master of British satire. In "Vintage Stuff" he takes two rival public school masters, a pupil with the curious trait of taking everything literally and a French countess (by marriage) of questionable background and builds a story that begins with a ill thought out prank and ends in an international incident. A hilarious tale.

[Varsha · Rating 2 out of 5]

The book started on an interesting and comical note. But after a while became a boring and definitely not funny at all.

[Anne · Rating 2 out of 5]

Why did I read this? Because I was at the cabin, desperate for a book and this was the only one available. Fun at first, then clearly outdated.

[Geoff Gander · Rating 2 out of 5]

Tom Sharpe is definitely an acquired taste, and not all of his humour has necessarily aged well, but if you enjoy comedy in the style of Monty Python's Flying Circus, Fawlty Towers, with a dash or two of Benny Hill, then you might like this.

On the whole this was an alright read with a few humorous parts, but I got the sense that Mr. Sharpe painted himself into a corner towards the end, as the plot resolution seemed quite rushed and forced, compared to the rest of the novel. There are plenty of catastrophes, misunderstandings, plus some commentary about international relations in the late 20th century, but not to the same level of wit that Mr. Sharpe used when he satirised South Africa under apartheid in Riotous Assembly.

Worth a read if you like Tom Sharpe, but definitely not his best work in my view, and this is definitely a work of its time - it was published in 1982. I likely won't re-read this.

[Doug Lewars · Rating 5 out of 5]

*** Possible Spoilers ***

This is a farce pure and simple. If you don't like British comedy shows such as Fawlty Towers, Some Mothers Do 'Ave 'Em, Keeping up Appearances or Last of the Summer Wine, you won't like this. If you're looking for well-drawn characters with proper character arcs who start out flawed, meet with adversity and rise to a new and better level, move on. This is just a fun romp through the British Education System and a shot at International Diplomatic Relations and the police. I found it very humerous as I have with all Tom Sharpe's works. My only regret is I've read them all now and I doubt I'll find an author quite as good as him.

[Mary Jo · Rating 2 out of 5]

Lately I have been having a tough time picking books that amuse me or hold my interest. I wanted to find this book amusing....and yet....the characters were all so unlikable. The situations had a tinge of humor, but really, at times everything was such a farce that I didn't find it funny...more sad. If I could have listened to this it might have been a different story. I gave the second star because it may possibly be a bit like "maybe it isn't the book? maybe it is me?" Oh well, I did finish it.

[Ro Alvarez · Rating 3 out of 5]

No me parece la mejor novela de Tom Sharpe. Es cierto que mantiene el ritmo y tono del resto de sus libros, sin embargo, encuentro en ''Una Dama en Apuros'' un humor más pueril y fácil, situaciones menos extravagantes que en otras novelas, algo predecibles incluso. Por otro lado, el planteamiento inicial es similar a otro libro muy conocido, la ensoñación y enajenación del personaje principal a través de su obsesión por las novelas es algo que ya había leído y visto antes, algo que en otros libros de Sharpe no ocurre.. Es muy entretenida y se deja leer rápido.

[Beirut27 · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading a book, watching a sketch or a film for that matter, hardly ever makes me laugh aloud but I burst out laughing several times while reading this novel by a writer I didn't even know existed until I found Vintage Stuff on a books exchange shelf. It's beautifully written, ferociously hilarious.
I have already ordered four other novels by Tom Sharpe.
Why not five stars ? Because I only give that top rating to my own little cult novels, perhaps five, six altogether. But I highly recommend Vintage Stuff, you won't regret it.

[The Bauchler · Rating 3 out of 5]

An hilarious first-quarter of a book which again had me howling with laughter at Sharpe's turn of phrase, descriptions and use of colloquial words.

The rest was less entertaining. I felt the story was frenetic and its resolution was a wee bit unconvincing and contrived.

In the 80's these books had me laughing out loud in buses and trains. With this one - not so much.

I'll choose to believe it was one of the author's weaker novels, not my sense of humour growing up/old.

[Vanyo666 · Rating 2 out of 5]

The initial premise is very interesting and allows for a wildly funny first few pages. But then the book gets mired up in a preposterous plot turn, boring descriptions of the roadtrips and chases it creates, and continues to get worse and worse as it progresses. The humor is too grim this time around, I would hesitate to call it funny at all. The worst book from Sharpe so far.

[David Crespin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tom Sharpe's books should be made available on National Health Service prescription.!!! All the typical constituent ingredients are there - wacky characters in absurd situations, the Old School Tie, shenanigans and japes aplenty and all narrated in Sharpe's sardonic hallmark style. Left me wanting more!!

[Steve Payne · Rating 2 out of 5]

First and I think last of Sharpe's books I'll be reading! No subtlety, quite irritating, and only about five laughs throughout. There's more humour in a Raymond Chandler book, and in addition they have good and interesting characters. A young boy and his teacher travel to France to save a countess. Yawn...

[Lucyloo · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is "turn your brain off" fiction - just silly, relaxing before bed. (and had the added benefit of the fact that I owned it in print and hadn't read it before)
The hardest part I had with the plot was the end. Why the countess decides to marry the prize idiot I do not understand. It's the only illogical point in a very illogical book that I really got stuck on.

[Sathya Sekar · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really hilarious stuff.. found the climax too bizarre with all the international complications. Sure it was still super funny but it becomes uncomfortable laughing at someone being shot to death and another being injured (however farcical). It's meant to be an escapist farce, spoof but still.. overall, enjoyed the book immensely and will hunt for my next Sharpe

[Marina RR · Rating 2 out of 5]

És un llibre còmic, però d'un estil que no m'agrada a mi. És de l'estil que s'enriuen d'un "idiota", com la cena de los idiotas o d'un boig tipus Don Quijote. M'ha entretingut a algunes escenes més mogudes, però no m'ha convençut perquè no m'agrada la temàtica. El final ha deixat bastant de desitjar.

[Kelly Grice · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you want a chuckle and good old English farce then Sharpe is that person. A fun tale of men showing they’re still boys really and the mess they can get into. They don’t write them like this anymore and sadly Tom has past away now.
Always a light hearted read especially good to read in the boring winter months