What God Has Joined Together

by David G. Myers

Gay marriage has become the most important domestic social issue facing twenty-first-century Americans -- particularly Americans of faith. Most Christians are pro-marriage and hold traditional family values, but should they endorse extending marriage rights to gays and lesbians? If Jesus enjoined us to love our neighbors as ourselves, and the homosexual is our neighbor, does that mean we should accept and bless gay marriages? These and other, related questions are tearing many faith-based communities apart.

Across the country, states have voted, courts have debated, and churches have divided over the legitimacy of same-sex marriage. Amid the uproar one perspective is decidedly missing: that of thoughtful, pro-marriage Christians who, informed by their faith, are struggling to make sense of this issue. What God Has Joined Together? is an effort to bridge the divide between marriage-supporting and gay-supporting people of faith by showing why both sides have important things to say and showing how both sides can coexist. Drawing on scientific research as well as on the Bible, the authors explain that marriage is emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually beneficial for everyone, not just heterosexuals.

They debunk myths about sexual orientation, assess claims of sexual reorientation, and explore what the Bible does and does not say about same-sex relationships. The book ends with a persuasive case for gay marriage and outlines how this can be a win-win solution for all.

Genres: Religion, Nonfiction, LGBT, Christianity, Sexuality, Marriage, Spirituality

208 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 31, 2005

About the author

David G. Myers is a professor of Psychology at Hope College in Michigan, and the author of 17 books, including popular textbooks entitled Psychology, Exploring Psychology, Social Psychology and several general-audience books dealing with issues related to Christian faith as well as scientific psychology.

Reviews

[Rod Horncastle · Rating 1 out of 5]

I actually think this is a great book on gay marriage (for gay people). If you're going to be gay - you might as well be married. Love and loyalty and all that.

BUT - the problem we have here is this book claims to be A CHRISTIAN CASE FOR GAY MARRIAGE, and then they boldy and UNBIBLICALLY state "What God Has Joined Together." They were desperate enough to put a question mark after that statement though (as if that means they are actually questioning something theologically). So funny.

This book attempts to throw everything and the kitchen sink at homosexuality in hopes that liberal (and non-bible studying) Christians will blindly gobble it up - and happily for the authors; most people do just that. Apparently i'm the only person to give this book a Biblical Christian review (and a deserving ONE STAR.)
I'll remind everyone once again: as far as being gay and being married, in this world, have at it. It ain't my planet, do whatever you want.

But these authors attempt to bend Christianity until it breaks to get their point across. I'm glad to disappoint you and proudly declare: "Christianity doesn't break or bend for gay marriage, liberal beliefs, or dismissing any and almost all sin."

So here's how I defy this book:
If God approved of Gay marriage (or homosexuality) at all, all he simply had to do was give us one clear Bible verse that lovingly accepts and embraces it. You know...Apostle Paul could have visited a pride parade, Jesus could have been at a gay wedding turning water into wine, Moses could have embraced a few gay Israelites in his army days. Simple stuff. But we get NOTHING. Take it up with God.

Here's a thought about the gay Christian issues:
How many gay christians go to pride parades and distribute Jesus literature and Bibles? (maybe some, please let me know). Do these gay christians loudly defy the debauchery and immoral sex flamboyantly displayed on those floats and paradees? It doesn't seem to come up?
So that leaves me with the question: What is SIN? The authors of this book don't seem to mention it. (unless it's someone standing AGAINST their liberal views. YES, so much evil!!!)

This book had a fair bit of comedy in it. Basically anytime they attempted to bring science into the discussion. But no reason to really get into that. I'm mostly here for the bad theology and Bible abuse.

Maybe someday these authors will see how absolutely any Biblical stance can be bent with lawyer like precision by enforcing some word play and general dishonesty. For instance: polygamy must be okay - God doesn't clearly condemn it.
Or worshiping other gods. The Bible only says:

Exodus 20:3 “You shall have no other gods before me."

So then it's alright to have some gods stashed behind him, or beside him, or under him...
______________________________________________________________________________________

So to wrap this up:
We can't take our sexuality to heaven (sorry everyone!) Not really... So being gay is somewhat a short pointless venture - according to Christianity and the Bible. Maybe it's best just to be like Paul and dedicate your life to Jesus. NO time for sex.

1 Corinthians 7:9
…8But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. 9But if they do not have self-control, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.

Being a Christian is all about priorities. Read your Bible everyone.

[Tyler · Rating 4 out of 5]

The authors' approach in this book is to make the case for same-gender relationships from a rational perspective. They offer anthropological and psychological studies that point to the endurance of same-sex attractions, and the benefits of marriage for gay people and their children. They don't get to what the Bible says until page 84. If you don't follow their argument, or feel that the Bible trumps common sense and scientific knowledge, then this book won't change your mind.

I personally found their heavy emphasis on two-person marriages as the ideal human relationship to be a pretty heavy-handed, and not always believable. Single parents and people in non-married relationships will probably find much of it offensive.

[Mel · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was particularly moved and made thoughtful by Chapter 2: "The Longing for Belonging." The authors describe themselves as "pro-marriage" and I think this chapter puts that in perspective. This book was respectful toward the differing Christian positions, relied on psychological research, and addressed the critical questions about same-sex relationships for Christian Scripture-based ethics.

[Steven H · Rating 5 out of 5]

AN ARGUMENT BY TWO PROGRESSIVE CHRISTIANS SUPPORTING ALL MARRIAGE

Authors David G. Myers and Letha Dawson Scanzoni wrote in the ‘Personal Letter to Our Readers’ of this 2005 book, “This is a book about marriage. We believe in marriage. We want to see it strengthened. Knowing that strong, healthy, loving relationships are beneficial to the individuals involved and to any children they might have, we want to see couples flourish. We also believe that society, by supporting marriage, benefits as well. The ceremony tells us that marriage is a holy estate … From this time forward, they will be united in life’s closest relationship… Ideally, this is what it means to be joined together by God in marriage. And yet some who have yearned for such public commitment have been denied it… The burning question in our day is whether persons of the same sex should be prevented from sealing their love commitment in socially recognized marriage… [Some] suggest that permitting persons of the same sex to marry will destroy the institution. We think not. We believe that opening marriage for gay and lesbian people could actually strengthen the institution for all people. In this book we will show why we believe that.”

In the first chapter, they explain, “we aim to show why pro-marriage voices are right. Massive evidence reveals that children, adults, and communities thrive where marriage abounds. Liberals need to appreciate that conservatives such as [James] Dobson have good reason for worrying that ‘the implications for children in a world of decaying families are profound.’ … we need to step back and ask how we might create a more marriage-supporting social ecology---and, with it, happier and happier healthier people are flourishing neighborhoods. Second, we aim to show why we marriage supporters at the same time comfortably join many other heterosexual Christians in supporting the aspirations of gay and lesbian person… this book doesn’t advocate a special type of marriage---‘gay marriage’; it advocates strengthening MARRIAGE, and extending it as an option for another 3 percent of so of the population. By so doing we hope to offer a bridge across the divide.” (Pg. 4)

They explain, “Even today’s more tolerant and accepting environment seems not to have altered rates of sexual orientation (despite fears about the influence of gay role models such as Ellen DeGeneres and Elton John). Nor has being reared in a straight, conservative home predetermined sexual orientation, as the gay or lesbian children of Vice President Dick Chene… conservative activist Phyllis Schlafly, and of Pete Knight, a California state senator and the sponsor of California’s anti-gay-marriage Proposition 22, could testify. Moreover, children reared by gay parents, like children reared by straight persons, usually grow up to be heterosexual.” (Pg. 59)

About Christian ministries that argue that ‘reorientation of same-sex attraction is possible,’ they note, “What troubles skeptics is that time and time again such powerful testimonials turn out to have been false, self-deceptive, or from people who never were generally homosexual. More than a dozen such organizations have, after touting successes, been abandoned by their own founders, who are now ‘EX-ex-gays.’ Jeff Ford, a former executive director of a Minnesota ex-gay program and a former ‘national speaker for Exodus,’ acknowledges that, despite his claims of being ‘healed’ of homosexuality and of helping others to be ‘healed,’ he actually ‘did not see that happen in my work with other three hundred gay and lesbian people.’” (Pg. 75)

They conclude, “Today’s marriage war is a clash of those rightly concerned about marriage and the well-being of children versus those eager to encourage committed bonds and associated rights for gays and lesbians. Might it be possible to say that BOTH are right, and thus for conservatives to get their juice and liberals their peel?... Might we then come together in honest, honest, open dialogue? In small groups, might we engage one another in the spirit of Christ?” (Pg. 135)

Marriage equality is now the law of the land, of course; but this book will still interest those studying the issue retroactively.

[Mark Mofield · Rating 3 out of 5]

Nice review, but perhaps oversimplified counter arguments

I have done reading previously on the arguments for and against an acceptance of homosexual marriage within the Christian church. While this book was certainly a decent summary of the case for, I felt they oversimplified the arguments against as either mean people or bad interpretations of Scripture. I agree that much unChristian behavior and attitudes towards homosexuals is based on these 2 factors, but I think the arguments of those who argue for a traditional understanding of marriage are little more nuanced than the reading of this book might convey. Good book to reflect and discuss if partnered with other works.

[Riley Wilson · Rating 4 out of 5]

It’s refreshing to read a book that approaches what might be the most controversial issue in the church with such humility and grace. David Meyers analyzes the psychology and spirituality of LGBTQ+ individuals within the context of biblical truth in a way that puts God first and our ego second. He makes an exceedingly strong case utilizing multiple resources and research findings without trying to assert a doctrine of certitude, all the while keeping the love and vulnerability of Jesus Christ at the forefront of the conversation.

[Gavin · Rating 4 out of 5]

"The life of faith is a dance on the boundary between conviction and humility."

This is a truly outstanding book for any Christian who still has lingering doubts about reconciling this contentious ongoing societal issue with their faith. It would also be a good book for a non-believer who wants to calmly and accurately reason with a stubborn fundamentalist Christian (or attempt to reason).

Myers and Scanzoni lay bare the arguments against gay marriage, particularly the false idea that homosexuality is a deliberately bad moral choice and that Scripture clearly says that homosexuality is a sin. They admit that decades ago they used to feel these to be truths according to their Christian faith; their experience of changing their philosophy on the issue has clearly helped them calmly, compassionately, and convincingly detail to others who might likewise feel conflicted the reasons they believe that each of these pillars must fall.

Very important parts for me were the contextual explanations of each specific verse used as the anti-gay arsenal of a fundamentalist and why these interpretations are flawed. These verses are few and far between too: "...we can probably agree that the Bible has little to say about same-sex behavior, certainly much less than what it has to say about God's concern for justice, the poor, and caring for creation." Additionally, the case for keeping marriage terminology (over "civil unions") was outstanding and admittedly convinced me on this point. It is very clear that the authors care very much for dedicated marriage and families, particularly in a world where we are seeing commitment dropping to an all-time statistical low.

Finally, I treasured their send-off mantra: "When torn between judgement and grace, let us err on the side of grace. When torn between self-certain conviction and uncertain humility, let us err of the side of humility. When torn between contempt and love, let us err on the side of love. In so doing, may we be more faithful disciples of the one who embodied grace, humility, and love in all he said and did. For 'love is the fulfilling of the law' (Rom. 13:10)."

[A. · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars, so it rounds up to 4. I'm pro-marriage equality, so it's not like I disagreed with the authors' basic premises, but the tone of first few chapters sort of turned me off the book, and I didn't start to really appreciate what they had to say until chapter 5. That was where they started talking about biological causes of sexual orientation and were careful to emphasize that they were limited to the research available when they were writing the book (2005, so ten years ago as I write this).

My biggest problem with the book was their dismissal of bisexuality, since some of the more recent things I've read suggest that gender and sexuality is much more likely to exist on a continuum, and the one study they cited on bisexuality focused on actions and number of partners rather than attractions. I know a number of people who are bisexual but have ended up in long-term relationships with someone of the opposite sex because that's who they fell in love with; it doesn't negate their bisexuality, but it does make a study that simply asks about partners in the last couple of years skew towards sexuality appearing more binary.

I was also a little put off by the fixation on the importance of marriage for health, society, adjustment, etc. The authors did state that it's fine to be single, and that divorce does occur for good reasons, but it did come across like they still thought those states were inferior to being married (regardless of whether they intended it that way). This is a particular problem in the church in general where those who are single, either never married or divorced, get sidelined in favour of married couples and families (not all churches do this, but it does happen fairly frequently).

I mostly agreed with the book and mostly liked it; it would be interesting to see what the authors would do with a new edition that could incorporate more information.

[Eric Black · Rating 3 out of 5]

What God Has Joined Together is certainly an interesting book for those decrying the condition of marriage in contemporary society.

If the acceptance of same-sex marriage was strictly a matter of sociology and psychology, Myers and Scanzoni have written a slam dunk argument for affirming and even encouraging same-sex marriage. I would agree that being married to one's sexual partner is much better than not being married and is even expected by Christian scripture. However, a Christian approach to marriage of any kind cannot reduce marriage to science nor ground it there. Rather, a Christian approach must root the discussion in the biblical passages. This statement admittedly reveals my traditional lean. Myers and Scanzoni do treat the biblical passages but give primacy to the sociological benefits of marriage.

[Aaron · Rating 5 out of 5]

A wonderful and concise argument for same-sex marriage, approaching the subject with a goal of seeking common ground to better explore what's really at stake. It's quite an eye opener to see how much common ground is shared. Written by heterosexual Christians, this book approaches both sides with gentle humility. If, by the end of this book, someone isn't convinced of their argument, it is simply because the reader would rather ignore the truth than gather the courage to face it. Highly recommended.

[Nathan · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a good intro to the topic of homosexuality from a Christian perspective, and whether or not you think homosexuality itself is a sin, it makes a very strong case for allowing gay marriage in our society. It takes a serious look at what scripture says about homosexuality and I recommend this to any who are seeking more information on this very important and controversial topic in The Church.

[Keith · Rating 4 out of 5]

There are many dimensions to this book, but one of the points that stuck out most to me is where Myer reminds us that it is not gays who are ruining the sanctity of marriage, but our own unfaithfulness and lack of commitment. Only 2%-3% of the population is gay, while the divorce rate and rate of stagnant marriages among heterosexuals is far beyond that percentage. Have we been conveniently distracted from the real problem of our own marriages today?

[Franziska · Rating 2 out of 5]

I love David G. Myers, but this book wasn't too impressive. While they've done a great job discussing the research that would support gay marriage, and while they do a good job at laying out a faith-based basis of how we should treat others nicely, their discussion of the religious aspects of why gay marriage may/may not be acceptable simply isn't very convincing.

[Franziska · Rating 4 out of 5]

A compelling read on why it may be good to let homosexuals marry from a Christian point of view. I would recommend it to anyone who is interested in getting some ideas of what would speak for "gay marriage" in terms of research in the marriage department as well as thoughts on bible passages that discuss this topic.

[Haley Lam · Rating 2 out of 5]

A little outdated (2006), but lots of socio-psychological insights about (gay) marriage. Does not go into much detail on scriptural interpretation, which was disappointing. Certainly a psychological more than a theological perspective, which is not surprising since the author is one of the top psychologist researchers in the world.

[TJ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good book. Good intro book for straight middle of the road christians. Well written and enlightening.

[Jen · Rating 2 out of 5]

2.75 stars.

[Rachael · Rating 4 out of 5]

Gracious writing.

[Robyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Expands the often narrow perspective of Christians (from both 'sides') on this topic. Highly recommend as foundational knowledge on the topic of marriage equality.