When Will I Stop Hurting?: Dealing with a Recent Death

by June Cerza Kolf

"When my father passed away, a friend gave me When Will I Stop Hurting? It was such a help to me, that whenever I know someone who loses a loved one, I send them this book to read."
Since its 1987 release, When Will I Stop Hurting? has received praise like this from readers grateful for June Cerza Kolf's understanding and beneficial guidance. With almost 70,000 copies in print, this small but powerful book has been a boon to many wounded souls. Readers have found in Kolf a gentle guide to lead them through the stages of grief and eventually the healing process. This new edition of her book is revised and updated and includes a study guide ideal for bereavement groups.

Genres: Grief, Christian

80 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1987

Reviews

[Producervan · Rating 5 out of 5]

When Will I Stop Hurting?: Dealing With a Recent Death by June Cerza Kolf. ©2005, 5th Printing. 73 pages. A brief glance and walk-through of the grieving process for the person who has been blindsided by grief. With this book, you are walking with a cherished friend. Solid advice for any stage of the process, including when to get professional help. Highly recommend.

[Daniel Alejandro · Rating 4 out of 5]

My brother passed away on October 4th. He had been hospitalized for 3 months and had been working towards recovering and going home. On his final day, for the first time, the doctors told us he was going to be ok. Needless to say we were blindsided when a few hours later he passed. This book is helping me deal with the process. It hasn't been long at all, but I find that it's helping a bit. Apologize for the backstory but I had to get it out.

[Jackie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was such an informative and insightful book. After losing my mom in November dealing with the grief of her loss has been difficult. This book was so helpful as it goes through the stages of grief and discusses many aspects of the grief process. I found it very informative and helpful. I would definitely recommend this to anyone who has lost a loved one. ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

[Big Books Enjoyer! · Rating 1 out of 5]

I don't appreciate the title's usage of the word "death." It is a rather disturbing word that should not be used regarding someone's passing. I much prefer using either "rejoicing in heaven" or "burning in hell" as they are much more appropriate, child-friendly and Biblically accurate.

[Miriam Howe · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was given this book 6 months after the loss of a loved one so dear to my heart!! It soothed the hurt taught me alot

[Crystal · Rating 4 out of 5]

Contrary to what many people have expressed to me, I am not a"grief expert", and it has been no easier for me than anyone else. Because I have the information memorized and can present workshops or feel completely comfortable at funerals does not mean that my heart is any less bruised or battered.
Each day is a challenge for all grievers, whether they have spent their career working in the field of death and dying or whether they are experiencing their first brush with death.
I lean heavily on the Lord for strength.
I shed abundant tears and call upon my friends and family frequently as I search daily for answers and comfort.

Usually we begin to ask ourself, "Why did this happen to me?"

It happened partly because we were fortunate enough to have loved someone.
Without love there would be no grief.
So we need to ask ourselves instead,
Would I be willing to exchange my disabling grief for never having known my lost loved one?
Are the love and the happy memories we shared worth my current pain?
If I had known I would eventually suffer this loss, would I have turned away from the love to avoid the pain?

God never promised us a utopia on earth or a life free from pain.
J. Grant Swank, Jr. says, "Good folk and innocent people are not without their share of suffering- and often through no fault of their own. They are not immune to hard times. Indeed, believers can experience pain just as severely as nonbelievers. Being a child of God does not exempt one from anguish or from the heaviness of sorrow that bends the heart near the point of breaking.

C.S. Lewis states in A Grief Observed that one will get over grief but will never be the same. "To say the patient is getting over it after an operation for appendicitis is one thing, after he's had his leg cut off is quite another." In the beginning, the gaping wound or the stump will be tremendously painful. Stitches of love, support, happy memories, and faith in God will pull the wound together to make it hurt less.

A remedy that members of our bereavement group found successful in social situations was gently telling friends or family how they felt.
Honesty seemed to work best.
One member used this example: "It makes me feel so much better when I talk about ___. I know I get teary when we do this, but it is still better than not talking about them at all. I hope it doesn't make you feel too awkward."

It seems unfair that in addition to the suffering we have to be the ones to educate others, but such openness can save valuable relationships. People do not act inconsiderately on purpose. What appears as thoughtlessness and cruelty to us is actually the discomfort and misinformation of others.

[Andrea · Rating 3 out of 5]

I bought this book mostly out of curiosity - it had great reviews and the price was right ([$3). The first half of the book didn't really present any "new" information, but it was well organized and straight-forward. The second half I just browsed through; it is structured like a workbook. The questions seemed well-thought out, and if I was dealing with the death of someone I was close with, I could see how they might help. As someone affected but further removed, they gave me some additional insight into where my loved ones might be in their thinking/processing.

[Kate Standiford · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very good and brief glance at grieving. The examples of grief, experiences, and quotations were in perfect quantity to accentuate the points made by the author. It was also particularly valuable to me that there was not a focus on turning to religion or spirituality- it was touched upon but it was not preaching. I would reccomend this book to others who are interested in learning about grief or those who are actively grieving.

[Elizabeth membreno · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good book but short

I like this book it's good to know there's people out there that understand urinate grief and are going threw the same thing u are
I wished it had short stories of actual people in how they sealed w their grief and exactly when it stopped hurting and how they felt after it stopped it would be a lot of help other people's experience are someone else's guide to life

[Amanda Adams · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very short and to the point with practical tips of dealing with grief. In particular, I found helpful these tips: 1) Pamper yourself during this time, 2) Ask for help, 3) Focus on happy memories, 4) Set reasonable goals and reward yourself when you meet the goal.

[Michelle Beese · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books I have ever read. It helped me understand the loss of my brother.

[Ronda · Rating 2 out of 5]

For what it is, it isn't horrible.

[Lee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book helped me so much after my dad died! Would recommend it to anyone who has lost a loved one.

[Melissa Mclees · Rating 2 out of 5]

No one can actually say when the hurting will actually stop, but this book was ok on trying to help you help yourself during the time period.

[Jessica Goodman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helped

Short and sweet book to help with losing a loved one. I recently lost my father unexpectedly and this book helps you begin to heal.

[Betty Mccook hosack · Rating 5 out of 5]

When my husband passed my sister sent me this book. I found it very helpful. was very interesting on the different ways we deal with death