Das Monster, die Hoffnung und ich

by Sally Brampton

Sally ist nicht verrückt. Sie ist traurig. Ihre Trauer kennt weder Maß noch Grund, denn Sally leidet an Depression. Früher war sie voller Lebenslust, doch die Krankheit zieht sie in einen Abgrund, aus dem sie glaubt, nicht entkommen zu können. Sally Brampton erzählt ihre Geschichte aufrichtig und mit bewundernswertem Humor. Sie hat die Krankheit überlebt. Und wie darüber spricht, macht Mut und gibt Hoffnung. Es gelingt ihr, einen unsichtbaren Gegner greifbar werden zu lassen, und sie gibt Betroffenen und Angehörigen die Kraft, um sich der Krankheit zu stellen.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Mental Health, Psychology, Mental Illness, Biography, Autobiography

441 pages, Paperback

First published January 21, 2008

About the author

Sally Brampton was an English journalist, columnist, magazine editor, and novelist. She launched the French magazine ELLE in the UK as editor-in-chief. In 2008 she wrote about her personal effort to overcome clinical depression in her book Shoot the Damn Dog. It is believed Brampton committed suicide by walking into the sea. The Sussex Police said there were no "suspicious circumstances". She was 60 and survived by her adult daughter, Molly.

Reviews

[Paul · Rating 5 out of 5]

Deeply scary stuff.

My wife has depression and until I read this book I could not understand the illness at all. Now, I'm not making excuses for my wife but since reading this book I have a much better handle on why my wife is the way she is, her mind-state generally, ler lack of motivation in almost all things...

I'd recommend this book for anyone who has a husband, wife, partner or loved one with depression. I honestly think it will help you understand.

[Kirsten · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a biting, sarcastic, and incredibly honest portrayal of depression. Brampton refuses to pull any punches or give herself any slack. She describes how she was openly hostile toward treatment (with sometimes hilarious results -- as someone who's been tempted to derail Cognitive Behavioral Therapy out of sheer cussedness, I couldn't stop laughing about her stubbornness in group therapy), was frequently a dangerously noncompliant patient, and very nearly derailed everything by developing a massive drinking problem along with her depression. She also really gets at the physical feelings that accompany depression; the way that it feels as though not only one's mind, but one's body is rebelling.

Other reviews have mentioned that the author behaved selfishly, foolishly, and was incredibly self-absorbed. Yes, yes, and yes. This is one of the reasons I loved this book. It really gets at the simultaneous self-loathing and self-centeredness that characterizes severe depression, and I applaud Sally Brampton for having the guts to portray herself as thoroughly unpleasant.

The only real flaw in the writing is that this book could probably have stood a little more organization; Brampton occasionally jumps around in time, making it a little difficult to discern which hospitalization she's talking about, or how long many of her issues persisted. It's not nearly as bad in this regard as Teri Cheney's Manic, but it could still stand some tightening up.

My only other issue is that she describes her depression as medication-resistant -- which definitely happens -- but doesn't really make a strong connection between the meds not working and the fact that she was drinking enormous amounts of alcohol at the same time. I have to wonder if, now that she is sober, she might have more success with antidepressants. On the other hand, she has found other effective ways of coping with and controlling her depression, so I can't really blame her for not wanting to get on the meds-go-round again.

Oh, one last comment -- this is really random, but I loved that she pointed out that meditation, while very effective for doing mental housecleaning once one is in recovery, can actual be detrimental if one is in the throes of a deep depression. A great number of people have suggested meditation to me as a means to heal my depression, not realizing that someone who is deeply depressed is not particularly adept at clearing their mind and thinking calming thoughts, etc., and it may actually just offer an opportunity for uninterrupted destructive thinking.

[sAmAnE · Rating 4 out of 5]

کتاب کشتن سگ سیاه افسردگی از انتشارات طرح نقد

افسردگی متروک‌ترین و بی‌سکنه‌ترین جای روی زمین است. بی‌دلیل نیست که نام آن را "بیماری تنهایی" گذاشته‌اند.
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آخرین جایی که فکر می‌کردم ممکن است آن‌را پیدا کنم، درون خودم بود....
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مهم‌ترین نکته این است که اسیر این ترس‌ها نشویم. افسردگی به معنی از بین رفتن امیدهای ماست. چیزی که به قطعیت می‌توانم بگویم، این است که هرگز از امیدهایتان دست نکشید، اگر این کار را کردید، امیدهایتان هم شما را تنها خواهند گذاشت...
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متن پیش‌رو شرح حال از افسردگی و داستان زندگی من است، چون باور دارم ما انسان‌ها از طریق داستان‌هاست که می‌آموزیم.
می‌آموزیم که تنها نیستیم. (نویسنده)

کتاب خیلی ظرفیت روحی بالایی می‌خواد چون تماما در مورد افسردگی و خاطرات یک فردی که به شدت درگیر این قضیه بوده، نوشته شده...

[Verna · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book nails the experience of depression squarely on its head. Sally Brampton draws you into her world of darkness and pain and you find it hard to leave. To those of us who suffer from depression whether now or in the past, "Shoot the Damn Dog," puts words on it without a doubt. It is like you get inside Sally's brain and feel her emotions as your own. I never knew that depression could be so interesting and absorbing in its own right. She tries every avenue to cure her illness from the newest antidepressants to talk therapy without much sucess. She even tries self-medicating herself with alcohol only to end up with an addiction that she has to kick. With no relief from her black moods she sucumbs to the lure of suicide, barely surviving her last attempt. Finally, after years of suffering and misery her depression seems to burn itself out. Brampton feels that connecting to her fellow human beings is the ultimate antidote to depression. It is also her goal to destigmatize depression as a mental illness in general. Excellent book.

[David Pope · Rating 5 out of 5]

I distinctly remember reading about Sally Brampton's tragic suicide in the paper and being so moved by it, that I felt compelled to buy the book. One of the main messages in "Shoot the damn dog" is to find and develop coping mechanisms for depression, as it is rare that depression simply "goes away". Ironically, reading this book was a great escape for me and certainly took me away from my own negative thinking. The more I relate to someone's story, the more I am hooked. There is so much honesty from the author here and it takes alot to wear your heart on your sleeve like that. She was obviously in so much emotional and physical pain, yet had the courage to face it head on and share her struggles with the world. That took incredible guts and determination.Sally uses rich and colourful language: "Viburnum flinging out it's cloying pink and white scent", whilst at the same time conveying the harrowing effects of depression:"I wrap my arms around myself, to stop the pain,to stop the tears". She loved gardening and nature and with good reason. There are so many analogies and life lessons when it comes to gardening, particularly when you are digging up the weeds. Weeds in a garden are like the negative thoughts in one's head, or a combination of all the rubbish in your life and unless you get to the root and dig them up, they will always return. That's what therapy is all about I suppose, getting to the root of the problems. And like a garden, we need to look after ourselves on a daily basis, whether it's eating right, or socialising with friends, reading a good book, or exercising etc. A garden can be aesthetically beautiful, as long as you put the effort in to maintain it and similarly depression can be controlled as long as you use the coping strategies. Tragically, depression ultimately beat Sally, but she gave the dog a damn good fight.

[Mary 🍀 · Rating 4 out of 5]

instagram.com/marco_ketab‌

#ادبیات_انگلیس 🇬🇧‌
کشتن سگ سیاه افسردگی‌
نویسنده: سالی برامیتون‌
مترجم: نیما مانی‌
نشر: طرح نقد‌
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برشی از کتاب‌
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امتحان کردن یک راه دیگر به معنای این است که بفهمی بعضی وقت ها بعضی از جنگ هایی که با خودت داری، ارزش جنگیدن ندارند؛ نمی توانی در آن ها پیروز شوی. اعتراف به اینکه ناتوانی، به معنای پذیرفتن شکست نیست، بلکه نوعی آزادی است. شروع می کنی به درک این موضوع که ما در مقابل خیلی چیزها ناتوانیم؛ با اینکه دوست نداریم این را بپذیریم.‌
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و اما قصه از چه قراره‌
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شروع کتاب با «مقدمه مترجم»، علت انتخاب اسم این کتاب برام روشن شد. در مورد نویسنده کتاب از جایی که فهمیدم در نهایت چند سال قبل خودکشی کرده، کنجکاوتر شدم تا کتاب را بخونم هر چند علت خودکشیش رو رد می‌کنم.‌
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سالی، نویسنده کتاب، از روایت زندگی خودش میگه. بلایی که افسردگی بر سر زندگیش آورده و اعتیادش به الکل. از کودکی که دائم تو مهاجرت بودن، پدر و مادرش، ازدواج های ناموفق و تنها انگیزه زندگیش، دخترش مالی.
تو این کتاب، تأکیدش به استفاده بیش از حد الکل توی افسردگی داره، همچنین به استفاده از قرص‌های ضد افسردگی، خودسرانه قطع کردن اون ها، ترک کردن چندین باره الکل و اینکه همه این‌ها با هم چه بلایی به سرش آورده.‌
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عذاب وجدان می‌گیرم اگر این کتاب را به همه پیشنهاد بدم، چون برای من که خودم از لحاظ روحی در شرایط درستی نیستم، کتاب بسیار تلخ و رنج‌آوری بود. خیلی جاها با سالی همزادپنداری کردم و پیش بردمش، اما یه سری جاها واقعن توان خوندنش را نداشتم. بخش‌هایی که در مورد مصرف دارو و الکل بود را خیلی مشتاقانه نخواندم. و چون می‌دانم که این کتاب مثل هر داستان تلخ دیگری نیست و اساساً موضوعش برای همه جذاب نیست. صادقانه برایتان نوشتم.‌
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موضوع روان و افسردگی مدتیه تو زندگی برام مهم شده و سعی می‌کنم در موردش بیشتر بخونم، ببینم و بدونم.‌ اینکه دغدغه نویسنده جا افتادن افسردگی، خوردن دارو، رفتن پیش درمانگر، نوع برخورد جامعه با افراد افسرده، حمایت کردن از آن‌ها و غیره رو خیلی دوست داشتم، اما تو جامعه ما تا جای که تجربه کردم و شنیدم، خیلی در سطح افتضاحی در این موضوع هستیم. و اتفاقن من مقصرش را روان‌شناس های میدونم که به شکل غلط این موضوع را در فضای مجازی آوردند و باعث شدند مردم فقط چند تا کلمه یاد بگیرن و تکرارش کنن بدون هیچ آگاهی درستی. این جامعه حتی کمترین آشنایی برای برخورد با هر نوع افسردگی و افراد دچار افسردگی نداره.‌
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telegram.me/marco_ketab

[Nick Davies · Rating 5 out of 5]

In terms of what this was - an extremely frank and honest memoir of one person's experiences of severe depression and subsequent alcoholism - this was excellent. Thought-provoking and compelling reading, Brampton writes with intelligence and wit, giving advice relating to her life and that if those she met. It's certainly a very powerful book which a great many people would benefit from reading, a lot of understanding to be gained from it.

As a personal journey, it did at times make me aware that this couldn't be the authority on ALL people's experiences of depression, and in addition I did find at times the book posed more questions to my scientific mind (why did that work? why do people's experiences differ? were X and Y really the causes, or is that just something therapy has encouraged you to blame?) but I was also mindful that what does it matter what the answers to these questions are if it helps people recover from depression and other disorders. Aspects relating to spirituality and twelve step programs didn't interest me as much as other parts, but that's no fault of the book, really.

So yes, very interesting and sad that the author - several years after the book was published - ultimately lost her battle with depression.

[Andrew Voysey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. This book was recommended to me on a Mental Health First Aid course and I could not recommend it more highly for literally everyone. Sally Brompton suffered from severe depression that was treatment resistant (ie no drugs - and she tried them all - made any difference, other than to make her worse). With her skills as a very successful writer, this is a brutally honest, captivating description of her journey through depression. With 1 in 4 UK adults suffering from some sort of depression in any one year - and the amount of stigma still attached to the illness - I think it is so important that people read this book. It is educational (I have learned so much about how to spot signs of depression in friends and loved ones), inspiring (if Sally can get through this, including a number of suicide attempts, then there is hope for everyone) and has quite literally changed my life in the sense that I know feel much more empowered to help those close to me, including myself!, with any sort mental health issues. Read it. Now.

[Rehan Abd Jamil · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you Sally Brampton for this magnificent book!

[Stephanie · Rating 2 out of 5]

How odd that so many of the people reading/have read this are named Stephanie.

I admit, it was the title that got me - and I was really thinking about the amazingly annoying Jack Russell that lives next door and barks her little head off 24/7 when she is left alone.

But this refers to the black dog of depression (a term with which I was not familiar, despite my years of dealing with depression). I found the author annoying (not as much as a barking Jack Russell, but still...) but I loved what she said about being compelled to write this in order to do her part to try to lessen the stigma of depression. I still have some of my closest friends who don't know my situation in this regard (hmmm perhaps they aren't really such close friends?)and co-workers? I would NEVER discuss this with most of them, having experienced the possible result when I was in private industry, as opposed to feeding from the public trough where one is supposedly freer to be flawed.

Anyhow, I did get some good stuff out of this book, and although much of it was painful to read, ir reminded me of going through est training back in the 70s: you get locked in that room with 249 other people and within an hour you are thinking "holy crap, at least I am better off that THAT person" - then you either turn into an esthole, or take what you want and leave the rest, or go kill yourself, which is what the author of this book wanted to do more than anything...or so she says but clearly that isn't the case, or the book never would have been written.

Whatever, I am on no sleep and too much adrenalin from being at the beach in the rain.

[Lindsey · Rating 2 out of 5]

intially I found this to be good but lost interest later on - was comforting to read about someone having depression who wasn't stereotypical....this author was a high flyer - so made me feel as if it is the kind of illness that can strike anyone down - but I don't think I gained any personal insight into depression from reading this book

[Dawn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked this book only for the title and the cover art. I needed a book with a curse word in the title for the book challenge. So I Googled and scrolled lists and this seemed interesting. Well 326 pages later, I am grateful that this book found me. Although somewhat frantically written, it is beautiful in it's honesty and delivery. This memoir of the author's battle with severe clinical depression was difficult to read at times. The author does an excellent job at intimately walking you through her life as a depressive; how she was crippled with it physically and emotionally, how she was slowing dying from it and how she eventually learned to live with it and heal. The book is full of great take aways for living your best life. It was a good read overall. HERE'S THE BAD NEWS. I was so invested in the author while reading that I decided to Google her and see what other books she may have written. Turns out she had written more but also that she committed suicide in 2016 at the age of 60 by walking into the ocean. That unsettled me but also reinforced the idea in the book that her severe depression was indeed an illness that she had to work at and seek treatment to manage to stay alive. It is an interesting book, especially in the shadow of her suicide.
#January'sbook
#grumpylawyerbookchallenegefacebook

[Sam · Rating 3 out of 5]

I do not read many memoirs, so it took some time for me to adjust to the style of Brampton's writing. My first impression was that this woman is completely self-absorbed. And then i came to two realizations. Firstly, oh yes, this is a memoir, a woman's story about herself; and second, oh yes, this is a memoir about depression, a condition that traps the writer in her own personal prison, unable to relate to or communicate meaningfully with others.

At times, the writing can suffer from seemingly endless repetition, though perhaps the author's intent is to pull the reader into experiencing the seemingly endless agony of her condition. The majority of this story is a downer, frankly, and a bit thin on solutions, lending the reader a glimpse of Brampton's seemingly hopeless condition.

That is, until the end. Brampton ends her story on a high, if somewhat cautiously optimistic, note, as she shares some practices that have helped her maintain a life with depression in remission. The wisdom she has found is heartening, not only for depressives, but for anyone seeking happiness in this confusing thing we call life.

[Sue Young · Rating 5 out of 5]

A book about depression that sometimes makes you chuckle out loud with recognition even while you ARE depressed has got to be worth recommending!

Having suffered plenty of depression over the years, although not as debilitating as Sally's, this book was a good companion - a little recognition that we're not alone, that others suffer and struggle through life and manage to keep going, sometimes despite even worse attacks, and that laughter can often pierce the darkness, even if just for a moment.

I find Sally to be very sane and very brave, full of sensible tips that might help others, but never patronising, cajoling or judgmental.
A woman who lets you be who you are and where you are, but never misses an opportunity to say, don't give up - it can get better.

Her "agony" column in the Sunday Times is full of her compassionate wisdom too.

[Sophy H · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was very well written and completely raw and honest in its structure.

Brampton doesn't hold back at all. She does an amazing job of detailing her experience with severe depression, and gives some real practical advice to those going through the same.

I think my 4 rather than 5 star rating comes from the fact that I've read a few books like this so feel that one starts to meld into the other after a while.

Nevertheless highly recommended.

[Noah Oanh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading this one is like going through a dark tunnel that you know for sure there is a light at the end of it. Sally and her book have opened my eyes with so many "obvious" fact about depression that I thought I know but I am surely not know enough. For someone who used to talk to love ones "why you are upset all the time?" "why you don't be happy?" etc, I recognize it is the most cruel/ useless way to talk to depressives and I sadly did it so many times in the past. It is like you can't tell the sick that why it is so beautiful outside and why you still got a cold?! Depression is just another illness you cant just stop it when it comes. It needs to be recognized and studied in a more serious way that depressives won't feel shame to talk about it. Only when they talk about depression they get a chance to get better. But now the society norm and stigma still make people or at least people around me feel like depression is just a trend, a temporary period of mind that someone either fake it or only some weak minds would have it. No wonder many depressives call depression a disease of loneliness. It is not. It could happen to anyone and people should take it more seriously!!! As Sally said: "we are not simply fighting an illness, but the attitudes that surround it". And that is what she did. She not just got out of chronic depression after 4 years battling with that but also willing to share her thoughts and experience via this book. Such a brave woman! I learned a lot from her and her book and want to pass it on to anyone who want to know more it about too like myself:

- It is like other illness there are so many methods/ medicines to treat it and some would work for you, some not. Just like therapists and psychologists some would clicked with you some definitely would make you feel more miserable. The only way to know is trying. You have to try and fail but try again then you will find someone or someway that works for you. It takes time and so many failures to get through it but you need to remember you will be there. And don't just listen to people that "oh this therapist/ this yoga class works for me why it is not working for you". People are different and it always will be case by case basic. The treatment will "require a lot of acceptance, humility, a willingness to be open as well as constant self-examination and lacerating honesty".
- The earlier you recognize the signals and symptoms of depression from yourself and other around the better. To diagnose depressive disorder mental health experts would check if you carry at least 2 symptoms such as depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day and significant weight loss and at least 3 to 5 other signals like insomnia etc. If you see yourself going through some certain transition on moods, physical heath you better check with experts.
- Depression is the result of number difficult events mostly lost. And it would 100% changes your mind. Don't tell someone why they change a lot you don't know what they are going through. But also "the Buddhist tell us that in order to find yourself, you first have to loose your mind". Change and mental breakdown are not always a bad thing that is what I mean to say.
- Genetics, Family backgrounds play a huge part on the development of this disorder. When you go through the self-examination the past is a part that would build who you are today. You can't change what happened and how your parents treated you in a good and bad way in the past but you could learn to understand and accept your parents. There is a saying, "it is never too late to have a happy childhood". So "it is never too late to stop a difficult childhood from turning us into unhappy adults". Simply we should not carry those bad patterns that have been formed from our childhood to present and future. We cant change anyone else but ourselves. And also cant avoid them altogether - it would be like avoid life itself. You can keep difficult emotions at bay for a very long time, even for a lifetime but most of us, at some point in our lives, they will demand to be heard. "what we resist, will persist". It is all up to us! Some taken notes that I got from this part of the book: the term "adapted child" - that the child need forget their own need to please others to become a good boy or girl. They abandoned themselves! For some reasons: children will always feel responsibility for their parent's happiness. If you are raised in a tense atmosphere, you are unlikely to learn how to have a good relationship yourself! Another terms that I learned are: "wantless and needless" you withdraw emotional and physically from others to avoid getting hurt. Another one is "duvet-diving": hiding in bed, not answering phone, generally ignoring the whole world!. Or the very trendy term now "isolating" especially true during Covid time: is depressive frame of mind different with choosing to spend time alone. It is more of fearful, threatened state of aloneness, when even the sound of the telephone feels like a terrible demand. And it will end up at this term "splitting" when trueself are hidden by a mask or the false self in front of the world.
- Drugs/ Alcohol addition is going hand in hand with depression. Every addiction is an manifestation of emotional distress. Use excess alcohol or food to dull the pain that they are unable to express in words.
- Another to 2 types of depression disorders that I come to learn is dysthymia: this one is hard to recognize as depressives are still able to cope with basic demands in life but they always feel tired, depressed, everything is an effort and nothing is enjoyed. It wont just affect themselves but those around and it has roots in genetic susceptibility, neurochemical imbalances, childhood, adult stress and trauma, social circumstances, especially isolation and the unavailability of help. Another disorder is Asperger. One of the most recognized syndrome is avoidance any situation involving unfamiliar people or places, repetitive behavior patterns and extreme difficulty in looking somebody in the eye. Their sense of humor is formed around a play on words so sometimes in social norms they wont understand people's jokes. First to treat those illness depressives need to know that people care and they matter.
- Sometimes you wonder why we have to do some certain of things but the doing is the point, that and that life is made up of a series of actions that, repeated often enough, begin to assume a shape and a meaning all of their own. They become meaningful to us only because we attach meaning to them or because they give us an outcome that serves us in some way.
- Exercises / moving always help! "our issues are our tissues"! take Omega 3 and Vitamin B12 - those seriously affect your mood if you lack of it.
- Sally also mentioned on her book the 12 step Program when she went through the treatment of Alcohol Anonymous that I thought it could be helpful. Step one: we admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable. People hate to feel needy and powerless but acceptance is facing reality without illusion. Step 2: we came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. In her case is the power of community of people that went through the same thing like Sally. Step 3: turn our will and our lives over to the care of the Power and so on. So to sum up it is: Open up, Ask for help, Accept help, Accept yourself, Be completely honest, take a daily inventory, whenever you are in the wrong make amends, face reality, reach out, communicate, show kindness, share your concerns and your worries with another human being, help another human being on a daily basis - by thinking outside ourselves we will stop thinking what life did not give us, count your blessings not your failures, don't live in regret or in yesterday, don't project your fears into tomorrow, take action when action is needed, deal with your feelings if and when they arise don't sit on them.
- We are all fragile, faulty, flawed in some way, that no single one of us is exempt from difficult feelings.

Finally,
Letting go is not getting rid of.
letting go is letting be.

[Jillian · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was impatient with the first half of the book, finding the detail of her illness and decline somewhat repetitive. I wanted to understand why she was behaving in this way, rather than read about the symptoms. I concede, however, that the road to recovery would make less sense without the beginning of the story.

Of most interest to me is her analysis of her treatments, of the trial and error process to a pathway to eventual recovery. Along the way there are many missteps and indictments of systems, practices and individuals. I found Brampton’s analysis and take on how she found her way through the tunnel of treatment to the light of living gripping. I found her information about, and personal experience with, various approaches, therapies, treatments and theories interesting and enlightening. It helped my understanding.

The book also includes an extensive annotated bibliography so that her experience can be the beginning of much greater investigation.

[DubaiReader · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent memoir.
I was really impressed with this book. It was brutally honest about the desperate condition known as depression, yet it also gave hope for sufferers and practical tips to direct those who can see no way out. Written from first hand experience by a sufferer who does not respond to anti-depression medcation (30% of all depressives), and who reached the depths of despair that were hard to read about, let alone live through, it still managed an upbeat note towards the end.

Sally Brampton was a driven, highly motivated woman. She was editor of two well known magazines, Elle and Red, and a journalist for many major newspapapers. Then her marriage collapsed and her ability to cope seemed to crumble. Soon after that she was sacked from Red and sank into major depression. This was not an inability to be cheerful and see the bright side of life, this was a total, devastating inability to function on any level - a highly literate woman found herself unable even to read. Only her young daughter, Molly, kept her alive, though she did make a couple of attempts at suicide.

It took several years and a bout of alcoholism, before Sally managed to drag herself back into the land of the living. But the important fact is that she did. And having done so, she wrote this excellent memoir to help other sufferers see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Not everything will work for everyone, but the author gained great benefit from group therapy, private therapy (with an empathetic therapist), yoga and meditation.

My copy is littered with stick-it notes marking the parts I found inspiring and I am hoping that the depressive close to me can be persuaded to read this and benefit from it.

[Rosamund Taylor · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading Brampton's descriptions of depression were very healing for me because they were very similar to my own, and it was moving to read this and relate to it so much. Some descriptions of medical theory or therapy were overly long for me, but this is because I'm very familiar with the field. I think this would be a good book for friends or family of someone with depression to read, because it offers a lot of insight.

[Joy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent and powerful memoir about living with depression. I think it is all the more powerful knowing that the author, sadly, committed suicide about 8 years after this was published. That is, unfortunately, in keeping with her attitude towards depression, that it is an ongoing battle.

As I read this, I needed to remind myself that she was accessing services in Great Britain rather than the US, so some of her logistical issues would be different (such as wait time for therapy, etc). I needed to remind myself that Sally Brampton wasn’t a clinician, even though she’s presenting some medical research in parts of this book (so some of that probably should be taken with a grain of salt). I also needed to remind myself that this was published in 2008, so some of the research referenced could be a bit dated. Those caveats aside, I thought this was an excellent and gutsy memoir.


Favorite citation:

During my long morning walks, I watched people hurrying along in suits and trainers. Where was it they were going, and why were they in such haste? I simply couldn’t imagine feeling such urgency. I watched others throwing a ball for a dog, picking it up, and throwing it again. Why? Where was the sense in such a pointless repetition? Finally, I accepted that essentially there is no point – the doing is the point, that and that life is made up of a series of actions that, repeated often enough, begin to assume a shape and meaning all of their own. They become meaningful to us only because we attach meaning to them or because they give us an outcome that serves us in some way.

Immediately after my suicide attempt, those were the thoughts and ideas that occupied my mind. Life had ceased to have meaning, but so, as well, had death. If nothing has meaning, how do you go on? In what do you trust? The defining character of severe depression was, for me, that absolute loss of trust. The healthy mind does not question every single, tiny little action. It accepts. It trusts in the process.

I started in small ways. There was meaning to the washing up in as much as it meant that Molly and I had plates and knives and forks to eat with. There was meaning to walking up the road to the shops because it was there I bought the food to feed my child. There was meaning to cooking because it made food that gave my body the energy to do the washing up and go to the shops and do the cooking and eat the food that gave me the energy to…

I understood that it was a process, and either you took part or you opted out. I had tried opting out, and there I found no solution. So I took part in the process and in the taking part, I began to find meaning. p249-250

[Kirsten · Rating 4 out of 5]

Churchill nannte seine Depressionen zwar keinen verdammten, aber einen schwarzen Hund. Es wäre schön, wenn mit dem Tod des Hunds auch die Depressionen vorbei wären, aber so ist es nicht. Der Kampf, den Sally Brampton in ihrem Buch beschreibt, dauert endlos lange und bringt sie mehrmals an einen Punkt, an dem sie so nicht mehr weitermachen kann.

Sally sagt gleich zu Anfang, dass ihr Buch kein Ratgeber sein soll. Sie will ihre Geschichte erzählen und das mit allen Facetten. Von den Ärzten, die sie nicht ernst nehmen und den anderen, die ihr nur Pillen verschreiben, ohne darauf zu achten, was die mit Sally machen. Von Therapien, die zu früh beendet werden, weil die Versicherung nicht mehr zahlt. Davon, dass sie ihre Tochter nicht mehr sehen wollte, weil sie Angst um sie hatte.

Aber sie schreibt auch von Freundschaften, die sie geschlossen hat. Diese neuen Freunde sind bedingungslos füreinander da, weil sie die einzigen sind, die einander verstehen. Für die Angehörigen ist es manchmal schwer, Verständnis aufzubringen. Sie verstehen nicht, dass nach der stationären Therapie nicht alles gut ist, sondern die Arbeit erst anfängt. Sally hat das anfangs auch nicht verstanden. Sie glaubte sich geheilt und übersah die Anzeichen, als es ihr wieder schlechter ging.

Am Ende ihres Buchs zieht Sally Bilanz. Sie hat überlebt und sie hat noch ihre Tochter. Die war während der ganzen Zeit unerschütterlich an der Seite der Mutter, ohne sie zu be-oder verurteilen. Sie hat sie jeden Tag so genommen, wie es ihr gerade ging. Sie war und ist für ihre Mutter der wichtigste Grund, um weiterzumachen. Zu dem Zeitpunkt, als sie ihr Buch geschrieben hat, ging es ihr gut. Sally weiß, worauf die achten muss, und hat regelmäßig Meetings. Sie geben ihr Halt und die Struktur, die sie in ihrem Leben braucht.

Zu sagen, dass mir Sallys Buch gefallen hat, ist die falsche Wortwahl, dazu ist das Thema keines, des gefällt. Es hat mich auch nicht so berührt, wie es andere Biografien getan haben. Ich denke auch nicht, dass das die Absicht der Autorin war, Mitleid wollte sie sicher nicht. Trotzdem habe ich ihr Buch gerne gelesen.

[Brad · Rating 2 out of 5]

This books jumps around from mental health topic to mental health topic and, similarly, anecdote to anecdote. The reader does not get a chronological story of depression in the author's life, but rather a survey of what parts of her life may relate to various mental health topics. (There are some exceptions later in the book, like chapter 16, 19, 22 and 23.) It does this in a way that is similar to Andrew Solomon's The Noonday Demon, a far more comprehensive and rewarding book. I would recommend reading that instead.

[David Hudson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Sally Brampton takes us from the really low to the hopes to the feeling-better and through her entire journey.

It feels like I was her. And for a while I was, which is perhaps why I could relate to the story.

This is a brave book which, thankfully, was completed. It is insightful and powerful and extremely well-written. Wise and helpful.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very relatable. Obviously the author is quite privileged, but so am I. Reminded me of my years of depression. Reminds me to keep my mind healthy.

[Margarida ♡ · Rating 4 out of 5]

A duro, nu e cru
Esta leitura foi por vezes difícil exatamente por me rever nos episódios de depressão major e o quanto me abalou. Não recomendo para pessoas que estejam bastante em baixo, mas recomendo para quem quer uma parte delas compreendida e para quem ter pessoas queridas a passar por depressão.
A autora descreve a sua experiência e portanto cada um irá se rever de maneira diferente e até em alguns pontos (como no meu caso) nem tanto.
Também a depressão é descrita através da biologia, psicologia e dados estatísticos relevantes de ambas as áreas

[Sezhian · Rating 5 out of 5]

A brutally honest, non judgmental, non preachy account of the author's experience with depression.

[Sophie Walker · Rating 5 out of 5]

A work of pure generosity

Reading this book in the knowledge Sally lost the fight gives the insight within its pages a sense of urgency. Keep digging out.

[Angie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was both great to read and extremely hard to read. It was honest, funny and sad. It is a story of despair.

I started reading this book back in September and have only just finished it. I've had my own ups and downs over this time and this made it hard to read such an honest book about exactly what I'm going through (without the suicide attempts and alcoholism though, just to clear!).

The feelings Sally Brampton describes were so familiar that I felt like I was reading exactly what was happening in my head. The despair of not knowing when she would get better or even if she would ever get better. The despair at not knowing how to explain what you need form other people. The feelings of being completely alone and just wanting it to stop (again not in a suicidal sense, just simply stopping) struck such nerves in me I had to put it down until I felt ready to read it again - when I would be able to cope with it again.

Despair was definitely the word that kept coming into my head, even though it's not really used in the books.

Again like the other books on depression I've read this is a more extreme account than what I am going through. I would like to read one that is less extreme - no suicide attempts, no stays in rehab or hospitals - just depression.

I enjoyed (feels the wrong word to say) reading the book. It was well written and extremely honest. The relationships with people I found interesting and the strain depression puts on those relationships showed me I'm not alone in struggling to relate to people. It shows that everyone has people who run away and give up on you like it's contagious. But they also have those people who stick around and are there even in the darkest of times. Also how difficult it is to function and tasks like the doing the washing up can be a day's achievement - reading someone else's account on how difficult it can be showed me it's nothing to be ashamed of. Some days you can only do what you can do and that is enough.

I'd say this is a good book to give people who want to read about depression. It is also a good book to read if you have depression, but it is hard read and I would recommend reading one chapter at a time and taking breaks so it doesn't overwhelm - that's what I needed to do :)

[Mariah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Reading Sally Brampton's memoir illuminates how depression is at its core a disease of one's mind telling lies, as evidenced by Bramptom's lived experience of utter worthlessness in contrast to her having achieved success by so many outward objective measures. Tough to read knowing that despite the optimistic place Brampton was in at the conclusion of the book, she went on to lose her battle with depression.

[Doreen Yun · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very stubborn and one-sided view on the depression and mental-illnesses, although was loosened up to a certain amount towards the end where she speaks of her recovery. However, I felt it was one of the most in-depth, realistic yet haunting experiences of depression that I have come to read. As a clinically depressive myself, it was a struggle to read the book, considering how much detail she added of her frightening episodes. In the end, though, it really helped to know what she went through and felt, in words that I myself had a hard time putting it. It reached out to me and I felt well-educated of the illness while being fully understood at the same time. It was also helpful to read of her recovery, which she put as much detail as her darkness. It opened my eyes, and got me thinking. This book really showed me what this darkness is and where to start in terms of treatment.

There were some aspects where I must disagree in, but then again, one’s experience is in their perspective. Everyone will see it differently. It was still interesting for me to read another person’s perspective in this and I took notes only of what I knew I needed, and I suggest all of you to do the same.
I strongly recommend this book for those with the same illness who want to make an effort in recovering. Just be prepared to feel low, considering that a huge portion of this book is heavy and dark, and remember to put down the book for awhile if you do feel unwell. Also recommended for anyone who’s loved ones have major depression.