What do you think?
Rate this book
You Are Us: How to Build Bridges in a Polarized World
The Perils of Polarization and How Self-Liberation Transforms Leadership
Through candid accounts of stereotypically vilified individuals—a jihadist, gang member, and white supremacist—as well as additional interviews with people who have been equally cruel and those who have experienced profound victimization, we learn how rigorous inner work can shift even deeply polarized social issues for the better. Piercing the often unconscious and destructive patterns that arise from a legacy of abuse gives rise to a clear leadership methodology, one that heals individuals across racial, political, social, and cultural divides.
These stories of reckoning with trauma, pain, and socialized identity reveal how inner change can affect societal reconciliation; how it in fact directly transforms community, workplace culture, and society as a whole.
Through candid accounts of stereotypically vilified individuals—a jihadist, gang member, and white supremacist—as well as additional interviews with people who have been equally cruel and those who have experienced profound victimization, we learn how rigorous inner work can shift even deeply polarized social issues for the better. Piercing the often unconscious and destructive patterns that arise from a legacy of abuse gives rise to a clear leadership methodology, one that heals individuals across racial, political, social, and cultural divides.
These stories of reckoning with trauma, pain, and socialized identity reveal how inner change can affect societal reconciliation; how it in fact directly transforms community, workplace culture, and society as a whole.
- GenresNonfiction
246 pages, Paperback
Published January 24, 2023
22 people are currently reading
1281 people want to read
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews
April 16, 2023
Given to me via Goodreads Giveaways.
This book was completely unrealized. The stories that people told, while the most interesting part of the book, had nothing to do with the authors innate ramblings. Don’t waste your time.
This book was completely unrealized. The stories that people told, while the most interesting part of the book, had nothing to do with the authors innate ramblings. Don’t waste your time.
April 23, 2023
3.75 stars rounded to 4. I won this book in a Goodreads giveaway.
"You Are Us: How to Build Bridges in a Polarized World" is a thoughtful consideration of the causes and consequences of polarization in contemporary society and how to navigate them. The book provides a nuanced presentation of some of the roots of polarization of several individuals engaged in behaviors/affiliations normally shunned by society and offers practical strategies for bridging the divide via empathy, humility, and constructive dialogue.
The book’s strength is its accounts of people who were once engaged in activities and ideological groups – gangs, jihadists, white supremacists – that we are quick to write off as lost. The author, in telling their stories of how human kindness and connection helped build bridges and, ultimately, steer these people toward connection and healing. It is these stories that draw the reader in, giving what are profound and difficult-to-relate-to organizations and motivations a human touch.
I would love to see more discussion of and research on the broader social, economic, and historical factors that lead to divisions such as those discussed in this book to provide a balance here and show that these examples are not necessarily the norm and escaping from the polarization is ongoing, purposeful, difficult work. I personally struggled with the author’s explanation of the victimhood/oppression cycle in the first chapter but will reread that to see if it lands differently on the second pass.
Ultimately, the book is one of hope for this country and for those aching within it. It seems to say that if we can all call upon our better natures, be our best selves, and reach out to those who are in these groups because of the pain and lack in their lives, we can at a minimum, achieve a certain level of understanding. At best, we can strengthen our nation by reducing polarization.
#goodreadsgiveaway
"You Are Us: How to Build Bridges in a Polarized World" is a thoughtful consideration of the causes and consequences of polarization in contemporary society and how to navigate them. The book provides a nuanced presentation of some of the roots of polarization of several individuals engaged in behaviors/affiliations normally shunned by society and offers practical strategies for bridging the divide via empathy, humility, and constructive dialogue.
The book’s strength is its accounts of people who were once engaged in activities and ideological groups – gangs, jihadists, white supremacists – that we are quick to write off as lost. The author, in telling their stories of how human kindness and connection helped build bridges and, ultimately, steer these people toward connection and healing. It is these stories that draw the reader in, giving what are profound and difficult-to-relate-to organizations and motivations a human touch.
I would love to see more discussion of and research on the broader social, economic, and historical factors that lead to divisions such as those discussed in this book to provide a balance here and show that these examples are not necessarily the norm and escaping from the polarization is ongoing, purposeful, difficult work. I personally struggled with the author’s explanation of the victimhood/oppression cycle in the first chapter but will reread that to see if it lands differently on the second pass.
Ultimately, the book is one of hope for this country and for those aching within it. It seems to say that if we can all call upon our better natures, be our best selves, and reach out to those who are in these groups because of the pain and lack in their lives, we can at a minimum, achieve a certain level of understanding. At best, we can strengthen our nation by reducing polarization.
#goodreadsgiveaway
March 24, 2023
I won this book via Goodreads Giveaway
Love the message. The philosophy is impactful and the stories are well written. It meanders at times but definitely gives you some critical things to think about when it comes to internalizing pain vs grieving, what it means to be a victim, what behavior you can control, and how to make peace.
Love the message. The philosophy is impactful and the stories are well written. It meanders at times but definitely gives you some critical things to think about when it comes to internalizing pain vs grieving, what it means to be a victim, what behavior you can control, and how to make peace.
March 6, 2023
I guess I should start out with this: I received a giveaway copy of this book. However, I do love to listen to books while working and cleaning, so I went and bought a copy of the audiobook myself. Disappointingly, the Kindle and Audible versions do not WhisperSync, but it wasn't difficult to find my place as I hopped between versions. This book is short and dense.
The book alternates between examination of our human tribalism, and stories of men who fell deep into the toxic tribes of white supremacy and terrorism, yet also managed to crawl out and eventually become involved with the de-programming of racism and violence.
The stories were the fastest part of the read. The ruminations, explanations, and instructions on how to understand and work with or against our own tribalism -- I feel like I need to go back and reread those parts the way one might re-read poetry or scripture.
Which brings me to a question I know my atheist and theist friends would ask: is this a Christian book? No. All logic within the book is secular.
Hopping back to the audiobook real quick: the narration is fine. Clearly spoken, if a bit dry in the way many non-fiction audiobooks can be. I feel like I picked up more when reading directly.
Update: I was about to add several paragraphs more, before I lost them due to phone issues. Hopefully this review isn't too choppy. Overall, I recommend the book. 👍
The book alternates between examination of our human tribalism, and stories of men who fell deep into the toxic tribes of white supremacy and terrorism, yet also managed to crawl out and eventually become involved with the de-programming of racism and violence.
The stories were the fastest part of the read. The ruminations, explanations, and instructions on how to understand and work with or against our own tribalism -- I feel like I need to go back and reread those parts the way one might re-read poetry or scripture.
Which brings me to a question I know my atheist and theist friends would ask: is this a Christian book? No. All logic within the book is secular.
Hopping back to the audiobook real quick: the narration is fine. Clearly spoken, if a bit dry in the way many non-fiction audiobooks can be. I feel like I picked up more when reading directly.
Update: I was about to add several paragraphs more, before I lost them due to phone issues. Hopefully this review isn't too choppy. Overall, I recommend the book. 👍
May 29, 2024
I wish I could follow this author on IG
May 1, 2023
Missed the obvious.
I think this book would be a better example of childhood traumas that evolve to other forms of hatred and self-harm. These stories focus on a young individual that lacked proper love and guidance that ended up hating people as an adult. Eventually they realized they were wrong and corrected course.
#GoodreadsGiveaway
I think this book would be a better example of childhood traumas that evolve to other forms of hatred and self-harm. These stories focus on a young individual that lacked proper love and guidance that ended up hating people as an adult. Eventually they realized they were wrong and corrected course.
#GoodreadsGiveaway
May 19, 2023
Summary: An account using case studies showing how self-understanding and inner work allows individuals to become leaders in healing polarized relationships.
It seems we are in a time of unprecedented polarization around politics, racial and sexual identity, religion, and socioeconomic status. Often, we feel these divisions are so deeply embedded, the wounds and grievances so great, that bridging those divides seem impossible. Gareth Gwyn, the founder of Let’s See Labs, an organization that develops media on various platforms and offers workshops “that facilitate sociocultural transformation” through work with individuals who become leaders in transformative cross-cultural relationships.
Gwyn traces our polarized relationships to the experience of inner trauma that often draw us into social identities of reaction in which we blame the pain on “them.” We act out of our trauma, even while being disconnected from it. Transformation results when a person, often in the presence of unconditional acceptance, is able to recognize the inner wounds and traumas that have led to looking at the world through a lens of hate and “us versus them.” The book uses several case studies (accessible as online videos through QR codes in the book) to show this transformative process. For me, the story of Scott, a former KKK member deeply alienated from his own family, who had a transformative encounter with a black man at a rehabilitation center, was the high point of this book, leading to a process through which Scott experienced inner healing and became a reconciliation leader.
The book moves from our inner healing to a posture of responsiveness that claims the freedom over our emotions and the choices of action in response to them. Recognizing our own worth, we recognize that of others. We face how we have contributed to polarities, even to our own victim status, while fully grasping both the role of the other and developing awareness of that person’s own wounds. We gain freedom both to embrace and move beyond our identities.
My only struggle with the book is that the author assumes a familiarity with the vocabulary of “inner work” which may feel like in-group jargon or “psychobabble” to some. Some explanation or translation of this terminology might help more effectively make the important case this book makes to a wider audience.
Gwyn’s book seems to illustrate an important idea articulated by Fr. Richard Rohr that, “If we do not transform our pain, we will most assuredly transmit it.” The cover art represents this transformation. It reads, “You Are Either With Us or Against Us.” As people do inner work dealing with their pain, Gwyn believes that we see how the other is actually “us” leading to the beginnings of bridging divides.
________________________________
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary review copy of this book from the publisher through Speakeasy
It seems we are in a time of unprecedented polarization around politics, racial and sexual identity, religion, and socioeconomic status. Often, we feel these divisions are so deeply embedded, the wounds and grievances so great, that bridging those divides seem impossible. Gareth Gwyn, the founder of Let’s See Labs, an organization that develops media on various platforms and offers workshops “that facilitate sociocultural transformation” through work with individuals who become leaders in transformative cross-cultural relationships.
Gwyn traces our polarized relationships to the experience of inner trauma that often draw us into social identities of reaction in which we blame the pain on “them.” We act out of our trauma, even while being disconnected from it. Transformation results when a person, often in the presence of unconditional acceptance, is able to recognize the inner wounds and traumas that have led to looking at the world through a lens of hate and “us versus them.” The book uses several case studies (accessible as online videos through QR codes in the book) to show this transformative process. For me, the story of Scott, a former KKK member deeply alienated from his own family, who had a transformative encounter with a black man at a rehabilitation center, was the high point of this book, leading to a process through which Scott experienced inner healing and became a reconciliation leader.
The book moves from our inner healing to a posture of responsiveness that claims the freedom over our emotions and the choices of action in response to them. Recognizing our own worth, we recognize that of others. We face how we have contributed to polarities, even to our own victim status, while fully grasping both the role of the other and developing awareness of that person’s own wounds. We gain freedom both to embrace and move beyond our identities.
My only struggle with the book is that the author assumes a familiarity with the vocabulary of “inner work” which may feel like in-group jargon or “psychobabble” to some. Some explanation or translation of this terminology might help more effectively make the important case this book makes to a wider audience.
Gwyn’s book seems to illustrate an important idea articulated by Fr. Richard Rohr that, “If we do not transform our pain, we will most assuredly transmit it.” The cover art represents this transformation. It reads, “You Are Either With Us or Against Us.” As people do inner work dealing with their pain, Gwyn believes that we see how the other is actually “us” leading to the beginnings of bridging divides.
________________________________
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary review copy of this book from the publisher through Speakeasy
August 18, 2023
I enjoyed reading this book, and it contains crucial takeaways for everyone trying to do the right thing in our deeply polarized times, where everything seems very impossible sometimes. The takeaways about how oppressor/victim dynamics play out based on experiences of trauma that haven't been managed and processed are apt, and they definitely inspire one to take a look at oneself to think about better ways of being in the world that stand by one's values while at the same time rejecting those us vs. them modes.
My reasons for docking a star: (1), the bit about victims having responsibility for their victimhood is not very palatable, and I think the book would still be strong without the author claiming that; as it stands, it downplays the responsibility of the perpetrators of violence; and (2), Gwyn occasionally started talking about organizational leadership, but it wasn't fully developed/fleshed out/connected to the stories she was talking about beyond the general idea that leaders need to care what is going on in the heads of the people they're leading in organizations. It's really a hairpin turn to go from reading about someone being deradicalized from the KKK or a jihadist movement to an interjection about what these examples mean for corporate organizational effectiveness.
Still, I highly recommend reading this.
My reasons for docking a star: (1), the bit about victims having responsibility for their victimhood is not very palatable, and I think the book would still be strong without the author claiming that; as it stands, it downplays the responsibility of the perpetrators of violence; and (2), Gwyn occasionally started talking about organizational leadership, but it wasn't fully developed/fleshed out/connected to the stories she was talking about beyond the general idea that leaders need to care what is going on in the heads of the people they're leading in organizations. It's really a hairpin turn to go from reading about someone being deradicalized from the KKK or a jihadist movement to an interjection about what these examples mean for corporate organizational effectiveness.
Still, I highly recommend reading this.
April 16, 2023
The truth will set you free....... but as Gwyn points out in this book, truth is not always, or maybe ever, easy or clear. Or defined. Or shared.
Truth perhaps, is never fully acquired, but raggedly pursued and found in those rare moments of encounter with those, and in those places where we might least expect it.
The aspiration of this book is simple; have conversations, political climates and religious values that do not rely on deifying or demonizing. It's more difficult than we might think.
And becoming extremist, even violent and destructive is far easier than most of us would ever want to believe....
This book is not easy reading. And truth itself can be a burden as much as a release, at least for a time.
This book, like others I have read recently, is more than a mere book - it is an encounter with a larger world, both in terms of the characters we meet and the QR codes that invite more direct encounters with the story tellers.
I got this book via Speakeasy. It is document essential to making sense and maybe even finding redemption in our so blatantly broken world.
Truth perhaps, is never fully acquired, but raggedly pursued and found in those rare moments of encounter with those, and in those places where we might least expect it.
The aspiration of this book is simple; have conversations, political climates and religious values that do not rely on deifying or demonizing. It's more difficult than we might think.
And becoming extremist, even violent and destructive is far easier than most of us would ever want to believe....
This book is not easy reading. And truth itself can be a burden as much as a release, at least for a time.
This book, like others I have read recently, is more than a mere book - it is an encounter with a larger world, both in terms of the characters we meet and the QR codes that invite more direct encounters with the story tellers.
I got this book via Speakeasy. It is document essential to making sense and maybe even finding redemption in our so blatantly broken world.
February 8, 2023
Gareth Gwyn's writing reminds me of Audre Lorde's in her essay collection "Sister Outsider". It is sharp, provocative, penetrative—able to pierce through many layers and get to the heart of an issue, deconstruct oppressive frames, and plant seeds of liberation in their place.
Her insights empower us as readers to construct a new world for ourselves and each other, to forge a new path—a new way of seeing, relating and navigating that is radical, transformative, accessible, and very alive.
Gareth's work is both personal and universal, both timeless and at the emergent-most edge of our time. A groundbreaking guide for navigating a world of increasingly intricate and diverse identities in a way that is life-affirming, enlivening, and full of joy.
Her insights empower us as readers to construct a new world for ourselves and each other, to forge a new path—a new way of seeing, relating and navigating that is radical, transformative, accessible, and very alive.
Gareth's work is both personal and universal, both timeless and at the emergent-most edge of our time. A groundbreaking guide for navigating a world of increasingly intricate and diverse identities in a way that is life-affirming, enlivening, and full of joy.
April 14, 2023
i won this in a Goodreads giveaway. new to this author. business conflict resolution & mediation. personal transformation. motivational self-help. came out on January 24, 2023. good tips. i often wonder how to rate books like this, in that can you compare and contrast them or?? i mean can you say that this one is better, they will influence, give off a different aire' and so on ...but will it better for someone else, will it work for a certain age or type of person, or... when we are all so different. see my point??!
Displaying 1 - 11 of 11 reviews