I Don't Want to Talk About Home: A migrant’s search for belonging

by Suad Aldarra

'I carry my troubled homeland within me; I hide it like a crime.' Growing up in deeply conservative Saudi Arabia, Suad Aldarra felt stifled. The daughter of Syrian parents, she railed against the extreme strictures placed on women in Saudi society at the time and the rising prejudice her family faced as migrants. When the opportunity arose to study software engineering at Damascus University, she jumped at the chance to move to the city she loved for a degree of freedom she'd never known. But when the war started, everything changed. Suddenly Suad and her new husband Housam were thrown into a world of relentless pressure, desperately looking for a way out. Suad's degree in engineering was the saving grace that allowed her to travel to Ireland on a working visa. Yet reaching safety came at a price... I Don't Want to Talk About Home is not a memoir about war and destruction. It's not about camps or boats. It's about the enduring love for a home that ceased to exist and how to build a life out of the rubble. With great warmth and insight, Suad writes about those left behind paper borders, the sacrifices made, and the parts of yourself you lose and find when integrating into a new world.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Biography, Middle East, Audiobook, History, Ireland

320 pages, Paperback

Published April 6, 2023

Reviews

[Sue Divin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a stunning book. Read it for its sheer sense of humanity. Read it because it will open your eyes. Read it and then find your own way to make a difference.

[Veronica · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had never read something written by a stranger that resonated so much with my personal experience as an immigrant ❤️

[Sab · Rating 5 out of 5]

I picked this up because I get a specific family-flavoured melancholy around this time of year and the title spoke to me. After reading the blurb, I just knew this was gonna hit me hard. Suad captures that longing for a place that only exists in memories so well and interlaces it with the complicated feelings that come with loving a place where so much conflict has occurred, both personal and political. I loved reading about her descriptions of Ireland, gave me such pride knowing that people are so welcoming here to migrants and refugees (recent events excluded)

[Maria · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a book... Such beautiful writing, such a sad story. I couldn't stop my tears through most of it.

The book is a memoir of the author, Syrian origin, growing up in Saudi Arabia, seeing her freedom disappear as she was becoming a woman in such a country. Managing to move to Syria and attending uni there, only to follow with the uprising of war in the country and having to run away from it.

[Sharmila · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.75 rounded up to 4 stars.

“I Don’t Want to Talk About Home” is a debut memoir that follows Suad Aldarra. From her conservative upbringing in Saudi Arabia, her studies in her family’s homeland of Syria, the war, Egypt and eventually her work in Ireland and New York.

I had really mixed feelings reading this memoir.

There were many aspects of this memoir that I found fascinating. My knowledge of Saudi Arabia has come from Western media and my fathers experience working there as a foreigner and a man. It was interesting to learn more about Saudi and the countries hyper conservative treatment of women.

I liked the depictions of Damascus pre-wartime as this isn’t a Syria most of the world is familiar with. Her time in Syria was described in ways that reflected not only the conflict within the country, but the conflict within. The desire to stay in your homeland and the urge to leave.

As an Irish person, I enjoyed seeing the depictions of Ireland and Irish people from an outsiders view. However, as a POC in Ireland, I didn’t always agree with these depictions which were mostly framed in a positive light. I’m glad the author had these positive experiences but personally, for me and other POC I know in Ireland, we don’t share the same experiences.

I cringed a bit during the humanitarian parts of the book until the author herself realised the hypocrisy of humanitarian workers spending money that could be sent to those in need, on fancy and expensive dinners and events. I also wish the author had included something on Direct Provision. An inhumane and human rights violation that perpetuates systemic racism within Ireland. I am SO glad that the author was privileged enough to obtain a work visa (and acknowledges that privilege) but it would have been nice to see mention of those who aren’t in that position.

Saying this, I admire the author immensely. She has gone through so much. She has achieved an incredible amount and I admire her as a woman who has broken societal expectations and followed her heart. It was great to hear her story and see her growth during the memoir. Definitely a woman to admire!

Overall, it was a good debut, I got to learn about Saudi and Syria and follow a very interesting woman’s life. I feel weird rating a memoir as it’s the authors life and her story is fascinating, but the writing was a bit cliché at times which has brought down my star rating.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publishers Random House, UK, Transworld for an ARC for an honest review.

[Hannah Boult · Rating 5 out of 5]

listened to the audio book whilst driving to work over a few days and was struggling to hold back the tears - beautiful book beautifully written

[Sarah Spinelli · Rating 5 out of 5]

I couldn’t put it down. Beautiful, raw, sincere stories and I’m so thankful for Suad’s willingness to share her experiences.

[Ghada Zakaria · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved how the writer succeeded to reflect her feelings with honesty. In a different universe, anyone of us would have been her...

[Éilis Treacy · Rating 5 out of 5]

The best book that I've read in a long time. So well written with a story that needs to be told. It will stay with me for long time.

[Anna Chu · Rating 5 out of 5]

‘I carry my troubled homeland with me. I hide it like a crime.’ From this beginning I knew I’m going to love this book and probably cry. And I did.

Immigration stories with complex feelings towards home always shatter me. Shitty dictatorship passport club is a sad club especially if you love your culture and country to bits and hate seeing it disappear.

Thank you for this book Suad Aldarra.

[nabihah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Aldarra's memoir is a real page-turner from the start. The ending surprised me, but then again, since it's a memoir, it couldn't have ended any other way.

the writing is wonderful, and i found myself relating to things mentioned, and/or understanding them really well. I really liked this memoir...It's such an emotional journey filled with moments that i couldn't stop reading it.

[Victoria Gibbs · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing book. Fascinating, heartbreaking, and very readable. A must-read. Thank you to Suad for opening my eyes a bit more about the world.

[Paulina Olsza · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an amazing book! I enjoyed reading it so much, it's not only excellently written, but the story is so captivating and moving. The author starts from describing her youth spent between Syria and Saudi Arabia, in a very conservative family and continues to her adult years, marked by war and escape, followed by hope and fear as she searches for her new life away from her country. The journey she went through - not in a geographical sense, but the inner one, discovering herself again, questioning values she hold dear before, reinventing herself in a different reality - is really amazing and honest, very raw in a way she talks about it. So happy to have read it, one of the top reads this year for sure.

[Chelsea Knowles]

I’m not rating this due to its personal nature. The audio narration was very monotone and that kind of coloured my opinion of this. I appreciate this and the authors’s story. It was obviously very personal and heartbreaking at times but I didn’t really connect with this. A lot of this felt like a critique of cultural norms and tradition in Syria and Islam rather than a journey of migration which is what it was pitched to me as. I would recommend this though as it is important to see others people’s life experiences and I do feel empathy for Suad Aldarra. The ending was really beautiful and I am very happy for Suad and her family.

[Fatma Sajwani · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best reads/ listens (I heard it on Audible) of this year so far ! I thoroughly enjoyed Suad's account of her experience, struggles and perspective. Although I don't agree with her on her religious thoughts but I applaud her courage in openly sharing her experience as an Arab woman, refugee who built her career in tech. I found it quite inspiring and strongly recommend it

[Sarah Horgan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone needs to read this book! It’s a really compelling account of life in Middle East, war, and what it means to leave your home and family to save your life. It will stay with me

[Lottee Houghton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read this over the weekend as once I started, I just could not put it down. A true story of Suad who is displaced multiple times as war, immigration laws and visa rules change and become stricter. She struggles with each move, always asking, what is home and what does it mean? I found it really moving and also an incredible insight into a life I couldn't even imagine.

[Alex B. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Captivating. Couldn't put it down. This book is Suad's reality, which encapsulates politics, geolocation, technology, and trauma within everyday life. Strongly recommend if one enjoys autobiographies!

[Jill Eastland · Rating 4 out of 5]

A beautiful memoir that allows you to walk in the shoes of a Syrian woman refugee.

[Eleanor Begbie · Rating 5 out of 5]

The last chapter gave me goosebumps. Grateful to Suad for sharing her story. This memoir has given me emotions and empathy I will carry with me.

[Emma · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this. Especially poignant after the fall of the Assad regime recently. Will write longer review later. Add this to your TBR pile!

[Adrian · Rating 4 out of 5]

Syria, Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Ireland, New York, the patriarchy, war, exile, data science, Facebook: the story of Suad’s life has it all.

[Naomi Gammon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Please everyone read

[palesmeen · Rating 5 out of 5]

The humanity and honesty in this book is truly remarkable. Suad, your strong and powerful emotions have evoked mine. Tragically beautiful

[Sara Ponte · Rating 4 out of 5]

Partilhar a dor de realidades que não são as nossas.

[Charlie Monzani · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ah insight into one of the most dramatic events in recent times. But also an insight into the human experience of having to leave your home, and finding a new one. Beautiful.

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was such a page turner for me. I usually don't read much non fiction as I find it difficult to focus on, but this book was one of a few exceptions because it has everything; strong narrative, beautiful and haunting descriptions, commentary on women's rights and how they're affected geographically - not to mention the insight into Syria as a place before the war.

Many people, myself included, won't have heard a first-hand account of Syrian culture, the wonders of the country and it's people prior to seeing news coverage about the war. This book is an incredibly important artifact in recognising the preconceived ideas we all have based on news, social media etc. and the author offers us a striking glimpse into the place she calls home.

[Órlaith · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved it. I bought it is Dublin airport after leaving Ireland for a brief visit. The Immigrant themes touched me deeply. It is a wonderful read.

[Neve · Rating 5 out of 5]

So, so, so important

[Guabi · Rating 4 out of 5]

"What, after all, is home? (...) It is the hole inside your soul that can't be filled by any other place".