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313 pages, Paperback
First published February 17, 2017
How do you translate the phrase "I love you"--words that never existed in the Japanese language in the first place--into Japanese? (...) Souseki Natsume had declared that "I love you" should be translated as "the moon is beautiful." (p. 310-311)
Nights were the worst because I'd have awful dreams whenever I tried to sleep--for some reason, Richard would be in my apartment, standing next to my bed. I just wanted it to stop already. Seeing someone in your dreams like that was such a bad omen. He'd always have this sparkling jewel-like smile on his face. He'd look like he was trying to tell me something, but it was as if I were watching a video on mute. And for some reason, my body wouldn't move, even when I tried to get up. When I told him I couldn't hear him, Richard would close his eyes and bring his face closer to mine, only to pull away and give me this vaguely cruel smile when I started. And then I'd wake up all alone in my room, drenched in sweat. (p. 9)
"Even though the answer has been staring you in the face all this time, you refuse to see, because it doesn't sit well with you. Are you even aware of it?"
"Aware of... what?"
"That you're in love with Richard."
I felt like my heart had been torn from my chest with no warning.
No. No, come on. I mean, no. No. Just because I spend every waking moment thinking about him, just because my heart skips a beat every time I lay eyes on him, just because I'm having dreams about him kissing me every night, it doesn't mean I'm in love with him. I couldn't be. I mean. Like--"(p. 21).
He had vanished from my life just as suddenly as he had entered it. It was almost like Richard had never existed.
“Are you even aware of it?”
“Aware of…what?”
“That you’re in love with Richard.”
I felt like my heart had been torn from my chest with no warning.
No. No, come on. I mean, no. No. Just because I spend every waking moment thinking about him, just because my heart skips a beat every time I lay eyes on his face, just because I’m having dreams about him kissing me every night, it doesn’t mean I’m in love with him. I couldn’t be. I mean. Like—
“So, the guy I work for part time… No, um, I mean someone who’s done a lot for me… No, that’s not it either. Someone I care about deeply… Look, I don’t really know how to describe him exactly, but he just suddenly vanished and I don’t know what to do.”
Yet Richard simply smiled at Mr. Homura and shook his head, telling him that he didn’t want anyone else by his side but me.
“And just what is it that you want to do? What will you do once you find him?”
“I just want to say my piece. I’ll probably start by telling him how angry he’s made me.”
Saul let out a deep sigh when I said that, but he still had a smile on his face. “You certainly are brimming with youthful energy. It seems a bit too deep for fleeting romantic passion, but far too intense for mere friendship, too.”
“Then let’s just call it plain love. I love him,” I asserted decisively, and Saul’s lips began to curl as he stared at me. His smile cut across his face from ear to ear, like some kind of general of hell’s legions.
“Bravo. I wish I could have recorded that performance to send to that imbecile.”
''i like you. i like you so much. it scares me. i liked being by your side. before i knew it, it became my new normal. and when i suddenly lost that, it was like i'd been tossed into outer space with no oxygen. not being able to see you once or twice a week hurt so bad, my whole body was in shambles. no, it wasn't even that. even if i didn't get to see you every week, i just needed to know that you were somewhere on this earth, healthy and safe.''
''oh, i can still see the moon.''
''can you, now? is it beautiful?''
''hm, not as beautiful as you.''
