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The Liturgical Mystery #1
The Alto Wore Tweed
St. Germaine is a quiet little town in the mountains of North Carolina. Quiet until full-time police detective, part-time Episcopal choirmaster and aspiring whodunit novelist Hayden Konig begins his opus amidst murder and hilarious mayhem at St. Barnabas Church. The Alto Wore Tweed - a liturgical mystery novel - murder in the choirloft. A choir director detective... It’s not what you expect! It’s even funnier!
224 pages, Paperback
First published July 1, 2002
115 people are currently reading
623 people want to read
About the author
Mark Schweizer
37 books84 followersIn 1974, Mark Schweizer, a brand-new high-school graduate decided to eschew the family architectural business and become an opera singer. Against all prevailing wisdom and despite jokes from his peers such as "What does the music major say after his first job interview?" (answer: You want fries with that?), he enrolled in the Music School at Stetson University. To his father, the rationale was obvious. No math requirement.
Everything happens for a reason, however, and he now lives and works as a musician, composer, author and publisher in Tryon, North Carolina with his lovely wife, Donis. If anyone finds out what he’s up to, he’ll have to go back to work at Mr. Steak. He actually has a bunch of degrees, including a Doctor of Musical Arts from the University of Arizona. I know! What were they thinking?
In the field of bad writing, Mark had the distinction of receiving a Dishonorable Mention in the 2006 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, an annual contest in which the entrants compete for the dubious honor of having composed the worst opening sentence to an imaginary novel. In 2007, his sentence now found on page 17 of The Mezzo Wore Mink was runner-up in the Detective Category. This, and two other of his entries, were featured in It Was A Dark and Stormy Night: A Collection of the Worst Fiction Ever Written, edited by Scott Rice and published by The Friday Project.
In varying stages of his career, Mark has waited tables, written articles for Collgehumor.com, won opera competitions, sung oratorios, taught in college music departments, raised pot-bellied pigs and hedgehogs, directed church choirs, sung the bass solo to Beethoven’s 9th with the Atlanta Symphony, hosted a classical music radio show, taught in a seminary, sung recitals, started a regional opera company, published choral music, built a log cabin, written opera librettos, directed stage productions, helped his wife to raise their two children and managed to remain married for thirty-two years. He also owns several chainsaws.
“Well,” Donis says, “it’s never boring.
In the fall of 2001, I began what I hoped would be a funny little book about an Episcopal choir director/ detective that had a flair for bad writing. Now, nine years later, that book, The Alto Wore Tweed, has had its ninth printing and the rest of the books (bad writing aside) are winning awards and working hard to catch up. Thanks to you, the Hayden Konig adventures continue to make their way into the hands of mystery lovers and across church choirs, one reader and singer at a time.
Everything happens for a reason, however, and he now lives and works as a musician, composer, author and publisher in Tryon, North Carolina with his lovely wife, Donis. If anyone finds out what he’s up to, he’ll have to go back to work at Mr. Steak. He actually has a bunch of degrees, including a Doctor of Musical Arts from the University of Arizona. I know! What were they thinking?
In the field of bad writing, Mark had the distinction of receiving a Dishonorable Mention in the 2006 Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, an annual contest in which the entrants compete for the dubious honor of having composed the worst opening sentence to an imaginary novel. In 2007, his sentence now found on page 17 of The Mezzo Wore Mink was runner-up in the Detective Category. This, and two other of his entries, were featured in It Was A Dark and Stormy Night: A Collection of the Worst Fiction Ever Written, edited by Scott Rice and published by The Friday Project.
In varying stages of his career, Mark has waited tables, written articles for Collgehumor.com, won opera competitions, sung oratorios, taught in college music departments, raised pot-bellied pigs and hedgehogs, directed church choirs, sung the bass solo to Beethoven’s 9th with the Atlanta Symphony, hosted a classical music radio show, taught in a seminary, sung recitals, started a regional opera company, published choral music, built a log cabin, written opera librettos, directed stage productions, helped his wife to raise their two children and managed to remain married for thirty-two years. He also owns several chainsaws.
“Well,” Donis says, “it’s never boring.
In the fall of 2001, I began what I hoped would be a funny little book about an Episcopal choir director/ detective that had a flair for bad writing. Now, nine years later, that book, The Alto Wore Tweed, has had its ninth printing and the rest of the books (bad writing aside) are winning awards and working hard to catch up. Thanks to you, the Hayden Konig adventures continue to make their way into the hands of mystery lovers and across church choirs, one reader and singer at a time.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 202 reviews
September 7, 2011
I almost gave up on this one after 25 pages--the quality of writing seriously put me off. Then I noticed that most GoodReads reviewers gave it four stars, so I gave it some more time. I'm glad I did. Eventually I got on the author's wavelength and realized that he had the same off-beat sense of humor as Carl Hiaasen or Christopher Moore (The Lust Lizard of Melancholy Cove). The writing improved as it went along, and apparently it gets quite good, since a later book in the series (The Soprano Wore Falsettos) won several awards. This one was a so-so mystery, but laugh-out-loud funny for its puns, its similes, its outrageous church humor, and its occasional silly plot devices. At one point eight inflatable sex dolls are filled with helium, put in the back of a pickup, and covered with a tarp. The tarp comes loose, the sex dolls slowly float away, and for the rest of the book, one by one, just when you've forgotten about them, they sink to earth at highly inappropriate moments. Many church-music jokes, like the politically correct directive from the bishop that whole and half notes will from now on be referred to as "pigmentally impoverished," that 50% of all compositions will be made up of "notes of color," and no reference will be made to the stereotype that notes of color move faster and generally jump higher. I was also introduced to what I think will become my favorite Biblical quote: "Like a gold ring in a pig's snout is a beautiful woman without good sense." (Proverbs 11.22) I'll be reading more of this series.
July 3, 2011
Our hero, Hayden, is a chief of detectives (the only detective in town) by day and the rest of the time choir director at the local Episcopal church with a master’s in music composition and a degree in law enforcement.. He drives a ‘62 Chevy that has rolled over the odometer four times, according to the notches he keeps on the steering wheel, and it’s fully equipped with blue lights, siren, and really expensive Marantz stereo speakers. He keeps his ticket pad in the office.
He had a standard way of eliminating dates that seemed incompatible or were going nowhere: the Knock n’ Bach strategy. First stop is knockwurst and sauerkraut followed by the Credo from the B minor Mass (one of my all time favorite pieces of music by-the-way.) Before he met Megan who actually loved the stuff, he had a well-earned reputation as a boring date.
The new female minister (Herself) at St. Barnabas Episcopal Church is less traditional than he would like, and requests they sing Kum-Baya. He demurs and doesn’t hand out the music so during the service the minister winds up doing a solo. “She had sounded vaguely like Ted Kennedy doing an impression of Willie Nelson on a bad day. Altogether, it might not have been the effect she was hoping for. The congregation, for some strange reason, didn’t join in, but sat there, mute, as if suddenly struck dumb by the Holy Spirit. “Sorry,” I had said after the service, “I thought you were just kidding about Kum-Baya. But you did a great job.”
Hayden is also a wannabe writer and the title of each book in the series is the title of the book he happens to be working on. His girl-friend Meg, keeps pointing out how awful is his writing and suggesting he enter the Buler-Lytton contest for bad sentences. He prints out a chapter each week and distributes it in the choir folders so the choir has something to read during the sermon. Filled with ridiculous similes and metaphors, the reader is treated to the book within a book. For example: Pulling up a chair, she sat down gracefully, crossing her tweed-covered legs with an elegance belying the sound of tweed-on-tweed, a sound not unlike forty Amish farmers shucking corn. . . She was really ranting now. I could always tell when they were mad. This one was beet-red and her hands were clenching and unclenching the loaded shotgun that I had left sitting on the table. I suddenly realized I had made a tactical error. Still, I had her hooked like a tweed tuna and I had to reel her in. “These ain’t metaphors. Only an idiot would try to use an unlicensed metaphor in a detective story. These what I’m usin’ is similes pure and simple.” I lit a cigar
Some wonderful scenes. I think my favorite is accident scene Hayden is called to where Carleton’s wife leaped through the sunroof of his car, splatting on the pavement. When queried as to why she might have done that, Carleton replies she thought it was the Rapture. She started screaming ‘He’s back, He’s back.’ Then she climbed right out of the sunroof and jumped out of the car.” “Excuse me?” Nancy stopped writing, raised an eyebrow and looked Carlton in the face. “She thought it was the Rapture,” Carlton continued, shaking his head. “You know, like in those Left Behind books. She thought Jesus was going to lift her up into the sky. Look, I was trying to slow down, but she wouldn’t wait till I stopped.” “Why would she think it was the Rapture?” I asked. “We passed a half-dozen naked people floating into the air and then she saw Jesus.” “She saw Jesus?” Nancy asked, pen poised over the paper but seemingly unable to take any notes. “Well,” said Carlton, gesturing toward the pickup truck, “anyway, she saw Arlen.” Arlen Pearl was dressed in a white sheet leaning against his old pickup. He was in his mid-thirties I’d guess, but I didn’t know for sure. He had shoulder length blond hair and a beard but, in my opinion, he didn’t bear much resemblance to Jesus. The tarp came off Arlen’s truck and the eight sex dolls floated off into the sky. “I stopped the truck by the side of the road and I was shouting at the dolls ‘Come back here.’ I guess my arms were up in the air like this,” he said, lifting his hands toward the heavens. “I just wanted them to come back. Sheesh. They cost almost thirty dollars apiece. I was going to sell them to the guys after the party. Then Carlton comes racin’ by and Darlene jumps out of the sunroof.” She was convinced He was coming for her and climbed through the sunroof to get a head start. Priceless.
The naked dolls reappear at inopportune (depending on your point of view) moments throughout. Another classic is when Herself is having a wymmin’s conference and as they chant outside the church, The drums and cymbals began anew with restored vigor to the refrain “Sophia, Sophia, Sophia, shower us with your love.” As they chanted together, their collective voices straining to a frenzied pitch, suddenly one of the womyn screamed and pointed to the sky. They all glanced heavenward and there, framed by the full moon which was still low in the sky, was the goddess Sophia herself. She hung there for a just moment, transfixed in naked beauty, before drifting into a power pole and landing against a transformer. The resulting explosion and shower of fire that rained down on the wimmyn priests was enough to convert most of them back to orthodox Christianity. Four of them checked into the hospital with “severe emotional distress.” Six got into their cars and went home immediately. The goddess Sophia met her untimely end amid the fragrance of electrical conflagration and burning latex. The girls and I just stood and watched with disbelief. “The Lord works in mysterious ways,” said Georgia thoughtfully, “but Arlen won’t be very happy.” Not to mention the Bishop’s memo that all new compositions had to have at least 50% non-white notes.
I intend to read all of this series. Had me LOL.
He had a standard way of eliminating dates that seemed incompatible or were going nowhere: the Knock n’ Bach strategy. First stop is knockwurst and sauerkraut followed by the Credo from the B minor Mass (one of my all time favorite pieces of music by-the-way.) Before he met Megan who actually loved the stuff, he had a well-earned reputation as a boring date.
The new female minister (Herself) at St. Barnabas Episcopal Church is less traditional than he would like, and requests they sing Kum-Baya. He demurs and doesn’t hand out the music so during the service the minister winds up doing a solo. “She had sounded vaguely like Ted Kennedy doing an impression of Willie Nelson on a bad day. Altogether, it might not have been the effect she was hoping for. The congregation, for some strange reason, didn’t join in, but sat there, mute, as if suddenly struck dumb by the Holy Spirit. “Sorry,” I had said after the service, “I thought you were just kidding about Kum-Baya. But you did a great job.”
Hayden is also a wannabe writer and the title of each book in the series is the title of the book he happens to be working on. His girl-friend Meg, keeps pointing out how awful is his writing and suggesting he enter the Buler-Lytton contest for bad sentences. He prints out a chapter each week and distributes it in the choir folders so the choir has something to read during the sermon. Filled with ridiculous similes and metaphors, the reader is treated to the book within a book. For example: Pulling up a chair, she sat down gracefully, crossing her tweed-covered legs with an elegance belying the sound of tweed-on-tweed, a sound not unlike forty Amish farmers shucking corn. . . She was really ranting now. I could always tell when they were mad. This one was beet-red and her hands were clenching and unclenching the loaded shotgun that I had left sitting on the table. I suddenly realized I had made a tactical error. Still, I had her hooked like a tweed tuna and I had to reel her in. “These ain’t metaphors. Only an idiot would try to use an unlicensed metaphor in a detective story. These what I’m usin’ is similes pure and simple.” I lit a cigar
Some wonderful scenes. I think my favorite is accident scene Hayden is called to where Carleton’s wife leaped through the sunroof of his car, splatting on the pavement. When queried as to why she might have done that, Carleton replies she thought it was the Rapture. She started screaming ‘He’s back, He’s back.’ Then she climbed right out of the sunroof and jumped out of the car.” “Excuse me?” Nancy stopped writing, raised an eyebrow and looked Carlton in the face. “She thought it was the Rapture,” Carlton continued, shaking his head. “You know, like in those Left Behind books. She thought Jesus was going to lift her up into the sky. Look, I was trying to slow down, but she wouldn’t wait till I stopped.” “Why would she think it was the Rapture?” I asked. “We passed a half-dozen naked people floating into the air and then she saw Jesus.” “She saw Jesus?” Nancy asked, pen poised over the paper but seemingly unable to take any notes. “Well,” said Carlton, gesturing toward the pickup truck, “anyway, she saw Arlen.” Arlen Pearl was dressed in a white sheet leaning against his old pickup. He was in his mid-thirties I’d guess, but I didn’t know for sure. He had shoulder length blond hair and a beard but, in my opinion, he didn’t bear much resemblance to Jesus. The tarp came off Arlen’s truck and the eight sex dolls floated off into the sky. “I stopped the truck by the side of the road and I was shouting at the dolls ‘Come back here.’ I guess my arms were up in the air like this,” he said, lifting his hands toward the heavens. “I just wanted them to come back. Sheesh. They cost almost thirty dollars apiece. I was going to sell them to the guys after the party. Then Carlton comes racin’ by and Darlene jumps out of the sunroof.” She was convinced He was coming for her and climbed through the sunroof to get a head start. Priceless.
The naked dolls reappear at inopportune (depending on your point of view) moments throughout. Another classic is when Herself is having a wymmin’s conference and as they chant outside the church, The drums and cymbals began anew with restored vigor to the refrain “Sophia, Sophia, Sophia, shower us with your love.” As they chanted together, their collective voices straining to a frenzied pitch, suddenly one of the womyn screamed and pointed to the sky. They all glanced heavenward and there, framed by the full moon which was still low in the sky, was the goddess Sophia herself. She hung there for a just moment, transfixed in naked beauty, before drifting into a power pole and landing against a transformer. The resulting explosion and shower of fire that rained down on the wimmyn priests was enough to convert most of them back to orthodox Christianity. Four of them checked into the hospital with “severe emotional distress.” Six got into their cars and went home immediately. The goddess Sophia met her untimely end amid the fragrance of electrical conflagration and burning latex. The girls and I just stood and watched with disbelief. “The Lord works in mysterious ways,” said Georgia thoughtfully, “but Arlen won’t be very happy.” Not to mention the Bishop’s memo that all new compositions had to have at least 50% non-white notes.
I intend to read all of this series. Had me LOL.
January 3, 2018
This is one of the funniest books I have read in a long time. It isn't great literature, and not the best detective novel I've ever read, because I think he is making fun of detective novels. I see there are quite few books in this series, I will definitely be reading them.
January 3, 2018. I just realized that there are many more books in this series, so I decided to re-read the first 3 books. To be honest, this first book is just as good on the second read. I even upped the rating.
January 3, 2018. I just realized that there are many more books in this series, so I decided to re-read the first 3 books. To be honest, this first book is just as good on the second read. I even upped the rating.
Read
January 26, 2025I hardly ever laugh out loud while reading a book, but I laughed out loud reading this one. I think it is best not to take what comes at you too seriously in this story. Schweizer's narrative is a tad chauvinist, sometimes racy, often biting, and continually riotous, but if you tread lightly through the plot, you are in for some good belly laughs. I can't wait for my husband to have a go at it.
April 17, 2023
For me, this was one of the funniest books I've read in a long time.
There could be flaws--the story the hero wrote within a story made little sense--and maybe his musical references were a bit obscure, but oh, was it funny.
And I enjoyed the mystery, too. I'll be looking for the next book. :)
There could be flaws--the story the hero wrote within a story made little sense--and maybe his musical references were a bit obscure, but oh, was it funny.
And I enjoyed the mystery, too. I'll be looking for the next book. :)
February 6, 2015
I did not enjoy this book, but I followed it through to the end because I thought it would get better. It didn't. First, the narrator is an arrogant jerk who thinks it's okay to play God. Second, the plot elements were all over the place. There's a whole series of these that I won't be reading.
February 8, 2023
Pure silliness, but has potential. Quick, easy read.
November 26, 2018
Ew. Seriously, just yuck. Allow me to quote:
"I don't have anything against female ecclesiastics. Well, maybe a small bias-but I certainly had intended to give this one every chance. Unfortunately, this unmarried militant feminist priestess had been at St. Barnabas for three months and was making no signs of looking for another position."
If that had happened just once, I could overlook it, but there were enough of those in the first 25 pages to make me walk away.
Too bad. I felt like it could have been an interesting premise.
"I don't have anything against female ecclesiastics. Well, maybe a small bias-but I certainly had intended to give this one every chance. Unfortunately, this unmarried militant feminist priestess had been at St. Barnabas for three months and was making no signs of looking for another position."
If that had happened just once, I could overlook it, but there were enough of those in the first 25 pages to make me walk away.
Too bad. I felt like it could have been an interesting premise.
June 7, 2015
Rubbish!
January 4, 2021
This is a cutesy little book - a little hard to follow at times because of the typed random inserts in Courier font that were supposedly written by the protagonist, Hayden Konig, who besides being a cop and a choir director, aspires to be an author. Hayden lives in fictitious St. Germaine, NC, and courts a witty divorcee, Megan, "Meg," Farthing and hates the parish's new rector, Loraine Ryan, who also goes by "Mother" and "Herself" and various other titles which add to the book's overall confusion. The plot centers around the absurd murder of the church janitor using a super potent concoction of Oleander sap rubbed on a wooden cross which he somehow kisses - a fact which is confirmed only by his exhumation. The story is overlaid with constant references to classical choral works and other trivia and occasional slapstick which detract pleasantly from an otherwise inane whodunit. It's a barely tolerable reprieve from more serious reading - the first of an apparently fairly long list of sequels. Do this one with plenty of cheapo wine.
April 16, 2019
Apparently I read this back when I first added it to my Kindle but didn’t write a review and honestly did not remember. I just reread as I am in a trip with no room to carry books for reading. Fun, witty mix of Episcopalian liturgy, church music, small town North Carolina where the church musician is also the local detective who is also trying to write bad old macho detective stories and has a heart of gold. Goofy mix that entertains.
May 29, 2019
What a happy read!
Very funny. The nice thing about being late to the party is that Mr. Schweitzer has already written the sequel and the one after that and the one after that....
Very funny. The nice thing about being late to the party is that Mr. Schweitzer has already written the sequel and the one after that and the one after that....
April 6, 2015
There aren't many cosy mysteries written by men but this series shows great promise. This and a Christmas one were loaned to me by a friend after I told her about the Bach centred one I'd just finished. The titles for all the books in the series have a singer type noun followed by "wore" and what they wore. The story that goes with the title is the Raymond Chandler style mystery the narrator (police detective/choir master and organist) Hayden Konig is currently working on while a real mystery is unfolding in the small North Carolina town where the stories are located. In this first one the church janitor is found dead in the choir loft, killed by poison. This is a town so small that 911 calls go to the neighbouring town, the police force consists of three people and there is only one police car, so there isn't much in the way of forensic assistance available and autopsies may have to sit. This is not a book to read if you don't like puns, are not somewhat familiar with Episcopalian churches, and have no liking for classical church music, although you'd probably like it as long as you don't suffer from the first characteristic. An example from the fictional story: "I pulled my fedora low over my eyes and a sneer played across my lips as I opened the hymnal looking for an old favorite containing sound theological doctrine." In the "real" story the new (female)priest wanted to use Kum Baya as a post communion hymn and our narrator, who "didn't much care for the campfire music of the sixties" and was using a French anthem that Sunday suggested the priest start the song and the organist would pick up his banjo and the choir and (he) would join in on the chorus. He had no intention of doing anything of the sort, but the priest, who wanted to be called "Mother Ryan" carried right on in utter silence through the whole thing. It is difficult to give the actual flavour of thing, but think of a primary child in a penguin costume in a manger scene singing about "them floes, them icy floes".
I must look for others in this series even if the writing and editing are more than slightly uneven.
I must look for others in this series even if the writing and editing are more than slightly uneven.
December 17, 2011
This is absolutely the type of mystery I enjoy most. The main character spends his time attempting to solve a mystery--not trying to elude some bad guy. There are a lot of unique-even quirky--suspects from which to choose. The plot is complicated and there are a host of fascinating clues. And finally, there is humor! Lots of it!
In THE ALTO WORE TWEED (the first of many of Schweizer's liturgical mysteries, we meet Hayden Konig--police chief of the small North Carolina town of St. Germaine. He's also the choir director for St. Barnabas Episcopal Church. The title derives from Hayden's attempts to write the perfect Phillip Marlowe-type detective story, with uncertain success. I'm assuming he will continue to master the style in the following novels. Luckily for the reader, Hayden also keeps us informed of the crime happenings in St. Germaine and his attempts as police chief to solve them.
In this book, the church janitor is found dead, apparently poisoned, and Hayden and his small team of Dave and Nancy must attempt to determine the who, how, why, where, and when. In their efforts they encounter numerous suspects--mostly comprised of church members and staff--as it seems many people found the janitor more than a little unpleasant. Along the way, Hayden uncovers other unusual crimes--and I do mean unusual. For example, one victim succumbs when she climbs out of the roof of a moving vehicle and leaps to her death when she sees a man on the side of the road releasing human-shaped helium balloons--and believes him to be Jesus.
I laughed out loud many times each page of this book. It is witty and full of sly observations about small town life, the Church, art, history, relationships, and--well, just about everything. I will say that my very favorite part of the book is Archimedes, but I won't tell you who or what that is. I just fervently hope that Archimedes appears in future volumes. I highly recommend that you read the book yourself and find out what I'm talking about.
In THE ALTO WORE TWEED (the first of many of Schweizer's liturgical mysteries, we meet Hayden Konig--police chief of the small North Carolina town of St. Germaine. He's also the choir director for St. Barnabas Episcopal Church. The title derives from Hayden's attempts to write the perfect Phillip Marlowe-type detective story, with uncertain success. I'm assuming he will continue to master the style in the following novels. Luckily for the reader, Hayden also keeps us informed of the crime happenings in St. Germaine and his attempts as police chief to solve them.
In this book, the church janitor is found dead, apparently poisoned, and Hayden and his small team of Dave and Nancy must attempt to determine the who, how, why, where, and when. In their efforts they encounter numerous suspects--mostly comprised of church members and staff--as it seems many people found the janitor more than a little unpleasant. Along the way, Hayden uncovers other unusual crimes--and I do mean unusual. For example, one victim succumbs when she climbs out of the roof of a moving vehicle and leaps to her death when she sees a man on the side of the road releasing human-shaped helium balloons--and believes him to be Jesus.
I laughed out loud many times each page of this book. It is witty and full of sly observations about small town life, the Church, art, history, relationships, and--well, just about everything. I will say that my very favorite part of the book is Archimedes, but I won't tell you who or what that is. I just fervently hope that Archimedes appears in future volumes. I highly recommend that you read the book yourself and find out what I'm talking about.
September 5, 2011
This is a flat-out, fall-down funny mystery!
When Willie Boyd, sexton at St. Barnabas Episcopal Church, is found dead in the choir loft, having spewed all over the keyboards of the organ in the process; Chief Detective and Choir Director Hayden Konig suspects poison. It was poison, but the bottle of sacramental wine Willie had filched and drunk, the only thing he is known to have consumed, is not the source.
Many people disliked Willie, including the new priest, Mother Lorraine Ryan, whom many Church members find almost as disagreeable as Willie. While suspects are plentiful, clues are sparse, and the motive remains a mystery.
The story is interspersed with chapters from Hayden's unfortunate efforts to write a Chandleresque mystery novel. These passages got a little annoying after awhile; but were italicized, so I just skimmed them. The story doesn't need them!
Allover, I enjoyed the book so much that I immediately ordered two more in the series; although I can't imagine how the author can possibly match The Incident of the Escaped Helium-filled Sex Dolls (with recurring dire consequences) and the two competing Live Christmas Nativity Displays (one with amorous camel.) These mental images will amuse me for years.
When Willie Boyd, sexton at St. Barnabas Episcopal Church, is found dead in the choir loft, having spewed all over the keyboards of the organ in the process; Chief Detective and Choir Director Hayden Konig suspects poison. It was poison, but the bottle of sacramental wine Willie had filched and drunk, the only thing he is known to have consumed, is not the source.
Many people disliked Willie, including the new priest, Mother Lorraine Ryan, whom many Church members find almost as disagreeable as Willie. While suspects are plentiful, clues are sparse, and the motive remains a mystery.
The story is interspersed with chapters from Hayden's unfortunate efforts to write a Chandleresque mystery novel. These passages got a little annoying after awhile; but were italicized, so I just skimmed them. The story doesn't need them!
Allover, I enjoyed the book so much that I immediately ordered two more in the series; although I can't imagine how the author can possibly match The Incident of the Escaped Helium-filled Sex Dolls (with recurring dire consequences) and the two competing Live Christmas Nativity Displays (one with amorous camel.) These mental images will amuse me for years.
July 28, 2011
I found this book in an ad in the sidebar of Facebook. I was amused by the image of the author and the brief description of Liturgical Mysteries intrigued me. So, I clicked on the link which took me to Kindle and I bought the eBook.
As a publisher, I was surprised by the number of errors in this book. They range from mispelled words to grammar and punctuation. I was also surprised that I enjoyed the story so much I didn't care about them.
As a reader, I could hardly put my Kindle down. It was fast-paced, interesting, and clever. The cast of characters are wildly imaginative and a lot of fun to get to know. The fact that Liturgical mysteries have their foundation in religion is no detractor from the wicked sense of humor that shines like a beacon.
Mark Schweizer has a gift for weaving a tale and for sucking the reader in. The novel inside a novel is ridiculously funny and the unique qualities of the story itself will enchant even the most serious reader.
Don't let my mention of the editorial errors put you off from this book. It is a delightful read and well worth the time and effort of ignoring the mistakes.
As a publisher, I was surprised by the number of errors in this book. They range from mispelled words to grammar and punctuation. I was also surprised that I enjoyed the story so much I didn't care about them.
As a reader, I could hardly put my Kindle down. It was fast-paced, interesting, and clever. The cast of characters are wildly imaginative and a lot of fun to get to know. The fact that Liturgical mysteries have their foundation in religion is no detractor from the wicked sense of humor that shines like a beacon.
Mark Schweizer has a gift for weaving a tale and for sucking the reader in. The novel inside a novel is ridiculously funny and the unique qualities of the story itself will enchant even the most serious reader.
Don't let my mention of the editorial errors put you off from this book. It is a delightful read and well worth the time and effort of ignoring the mistakes.
September 23, 2015
If I could have given this book 2.5 stars, I would have.
I didn't hate this book at all -- - in fact, it was a cute little read. However, I am not sure I would recommend it.
While it's clear the author knows his stuff regarding classical music, I tired of the constant references to them. It almost felt like a "look at me! This is what all of you peons should be listening to!" And I'm a vocal music major. Yikes.
Likewise the humor - - while clever at times, there were instances when it was a little heavy-handed.
I finally just gave up on reading the Chandler-esque "story within a story" that the main character is supposedly writing. It was just too boring and again, the humor was way over the top for me. I'm sure this was intentional, but again - - it just didn't work for me.
On the other hand, I think this was an ok beginning for the author. I notice that some of his more recent books have received better ratings - - I think the basic story was good enough that I would be willing to give Mr. Schweizer a second chance.
I didn't hate this book at all -- - in fact, it was a cute little read. However, I am not sure I would recommend it.
While it's clear the author knows his stuff regarding classical music, I tired of the constant references to them. It almost felt like a "look at me! This is what all of you peons should be listening to!" And I'm a vocal music major. Yikes.
Likewise the humor - - while clever at times, there were instances when it was a little heavy-handed.
I finally just gave up on reading the Chandler-esque "story within a story" that the main character is supposedly writing. It was just too boring and again, the humor was way over the top for me. I'm sure this was intentional, but again - - it just didn't work for me.
On the other hand, I think this was an ok beginning for the author. I notice that some of his more recent books have received better ratings - - I think the basic story was good enough that I would be willing to give Mr. Schweizer a second chance.
January 24, 2009
This mystery was a fun read. The small town police detective moonlighting as the music director at the Episcopal church solves a murder. In the mountains of North Carolina. And a Bernese Mountain dog makes an appearance. Gosh, why does that sound so familiar? But this one is humorous, which is a nice change. I notice that most of its humor pokes fun at women in the church and choir (especially altos - is he afraid of us?), and with gosh-darn little of it directed at men, which seems a little one-sided. But it's still funny. The protagonist listens to a whole slew of great music, and I appreciated his naming so many works. Now I know what to look for. I look forward to reading about the follies of basses, baritones, tenors, and sopranos, in that order. Except I don't think he distinguishes between basses and baritones.
January 26, 2012
I was predisposed to like The Alto Wore Tweed, the first in a series by Mark Schweizer. It's lighthearted crime novel, it's set against a musical background and it channels Raymond Chandler - what's not to like?
Well - here's a book which is bursting with great ideas and that's its problem for me. It's just trying too hard. Pastiche Chandler is fine except Chandler himself did it better. And the central figure being a choirmaster as well as a cop works, except he's also an author writing Chandler-esque crime fiction. See what I mean? Too much already. I can't help feel it would have been better to have a main character with less personii and more detailed plotlines to replace the Chandler thing. Or even make it all Chandler pastiche.
This, I believe, is a highly successful series of books on the same theme, but I'm afraid that I'm stopping here.
Well - here's a book which is bursting with great ideas and that's its problem for me. It's just trying too hard. Pastiche Chandler is fine except Chandler himself did it better. And the central figure being a choirmaster as well as a cop works, except he's also an author writing Chandler-esque crime fiction. See what I mean? Too much already. I can't help feel it would have been better to have a main character with less personii and more detailed plotlines to replace the Chandler thing. Or even make it all Chandler pastiche.
This, I believe, is a highly successful series of books on the same theme, but I'm afraid that I'm stopping here.
July 24, 2013
I love a cheesy mystery. And this is pretty cheesy. I'm also a church choir nerd. And this is...
about a small town church choir, a murder, a choir director and organist who doubles as the town sherriff and also happens to be independently wealthy with a computer degree and a not-so-useful music degree all while writing run-on sentences in his film noir books... oh, he also keeps a gun in the organ bench. (That's actually no big deal since at least one of the choir members keeps a flask in her choir folder.)See? It's cheesy and lots of fun. If you sing in a church choir, this series is for you! (You'll also love his music!)
about a small town church choir, a murder, a choir director and organist who doubles as the town sherriff and also happens to be independently wealthy with a computer degree and a not-so-useful music degree all while writing run-on sentences in his film noir books... oh, he also keeps a gun in the organ bench. (That's actually no big deal since at least one of the choir members keeps a flask in her choir folder.)See? It's cheesy and lots of fun. If you sing in a church choir, this series is for you! (You'll also love his music!)
October 3, 2010
This is the first I've read of this series and the first of the series--I may read another to see if the plotting improves. The main character is a police chief/church organist in a small NC town. He wants to be a noir mystery writer. Strangely, there are two stories here: the one he is writing and the one he is living. For my money, he could have left out the one he was writing. Although I came to skim most of that, I found no connection between the two. If you've read it and have other ideas, please let me know. I enjoyed the setting and background.
January 10, 2016
I really wanted to enjoy this, because it sounded fun and it combined a lot of things I enjoy (particularly noir and choral music) that I never expected to see paired.
Unfortunately, the protagonist—whom I believe we were supposed to find roguish and charming—was sexist, classist and racist, and not only that but the narrative supported his point of view. It was deeply anti-woman at several points. And the book-within-a-book just came off as pointless filler. There were funny parts, and a couple of sympathetic characters, but they were vastly outweighed.
Unfortunately, the protagonist—whom I believe we were supposed to find roguish and charming—was sexist, classist and racist, and not only that but the narrative supported his point of view. It was deeply anti-woman at several points. And the book-within-a-book just came off as pointless filler. There were funny parts, and a couple of sympathetic characters, but they were vastly outweighed.
December 22, 2014
Genre: Cozy Mystery
Rating: Good
I confess I missed a lot of humor in this book, since it is based on Episcopal church happenings. But I did enjoy what I understood and found the main character a hoot, literally, when he gets his owl.
The mystery was pretty convoluted and was hard to solve which is a plus especially for cozy mysteries.
If you get all the musical and religious humor you’ll enjoy it probably more than I did.
December 16, 2013
I would have given this book a 4 star except for the fact that the story, which takes place in a small town and revolves around a Church and the Female Episcapalian Priest is providing marriage counseling that includes have sex with both partners. I found that very offensive but the writing was pretty good
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 16, 2013
I've kind of gone back and forth on this book. Very funny. But I was a little distracted by the story the character is writung. It is a horrble story, but funny. Tries to emulate Raymond Chandler/Dashiell Hammett - "her eyes as narrow as Jimmy Swaggert's theology."
Both stories are entertaining.
I will probably give the second book in the series a chance.
Both stories are entertaining.
I will probably give the second book in the series a chance.
January 18, 2015
As a soprano in a choir, I thought some of the liturgical insights were spot on. Several scenes in the book had me laughing out loud. However, much of the prose felt overwritten (besides the intentionally overwritten book within a book), and the plot felt disjointed. I'd be willing to try another in the series since it's short, but another uneven work might turn me off the rest.
February 28, 2016
This is a classic cozy mystery, with the additional advantages of being witty and well-written. The main character is a police officer in a South Carolina town, who also happens to be the very irreverent musical director at the local church. Throw in the oddball characters who inhabit any small town, and it's a winning formula.
November 6, 2011
I must admit, I didn't find this book funny at all. Maybe it's because I didn't understand the religious or choral quips, but even the attempts at humour outside the churchy stuff were gross rather than funny. The novel within a novel also didn't appeal to me.
April 28, 2014
I am *so* glad my musical colleague/office coworker recommended this book to me. It had me in hysterics all the way through. The prose was both well-written and intentionally bad, all at the same time. That takes talent. And the whodunit plot had me guessing all the way to the end.
April 16, 2024
What a funny, delightful book!! Recommended to me by a friend who said it has laugh out loud moments. And it does!!
The setting is a church in a smaller community. And the circumstances are hilarious!!
I am looking forward to reading more of this series/author!!
The setting is a church in a smaller community. And the circumstances are hilarious!!
I am looking forward to reading more of this series/author!!
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