When Pleasing Others Is Hurting You: Finding God's Patterns for Healthy Relationships - Cover may vary

by David Hawkins

You want to do the right thing—to take care of your family, to be a good employee, to "be there" for your friends. And you're good at it. Everyone knows they can depend on you—so they do. But are you really doing what's best for them? And what about you—are you growing? Are you happy and relaxed? Are you excited about your gifts and your calling, or do you sometimes think, "I don't even know what I want anymore." Find out why you have trouble saying no. Learn why you feel accepted only when you are producing. And finally experience the deep joy and peace that come with serving other people out of your abundance, not out of your need.  

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Relationships, Christian

240 pages, Paperback

First published March 1, 2004

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author by this name in the Goodreads database.

The Relationship Doctor

Dr. David Hawkins is a Christian Clinical Psychologist who is a speaker for the American Association of Christian Counselors and has been writing an Advice Column for Crosswalk.com and CBN.org for several years and is now writing for Believe.com. He is a weekly guest on Moody Radio and Faith Radio and is the author of over thirty books. He is happily married to Christie, an Interior Designer, and lives on Bainbridge Island, outside Seattle.

Reviews

[Damola]

Life changer

[Amanda Yamate · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellently excellent. Really eye-opening, yet kind and encouraging. Needed this book so badly.

[Ershad Ganjy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved the book, it made perfect sense to me specially. I could really connect with the person author was describing. At the time I was going to marry my wife but my parents and friends were against it because of race. That's when I read the book and it brought me to my childhood and how right now I am seeing the effects. Made me to think and try to decide based on what I think is right to do, being respectful to others opinions but not pleasing people by doing what they want or putting their need above yours even in situations that you think you are doing the right think.

[Ames · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked this book up in my church's library. It's very helpful for those who have a hard time saying no without guilt. It helped me to see and understand areas of my childhood and family dynamics that may have contributed to my people pleasing qualities or at least the guilt that goes with it, when I am unable to do so. It has helped me understand that its okay to say no sometimes. The part about church really spoke to me as well as I always feel guilty when I cannot serve, do to not having the time etc
Great Read!

[Cresanna Kahrl · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book changed my life. If you suspect that you have co-dependent tendencies or are in a co-dependent relationship, read this book first!

[Bethany Blume · Rating 5 out of 5]

Life changing

Best book on codependent relationships from a Christian perspective. Will be reading more from this author. My husband is reading this as well to understand why I am the way I am and why I want to change

[Marilyn Coffey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great read especially for women who struggle with being overextended

This book not only discusses how our thoughts, actions, and responses affect others, but also gives practical help in addressing these issues.

[Ms.Toot · Rating 4 out of 5]

Continuing

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good book. Very thought provoking and eye opening.

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

A look at co-dependency and how it relates to the need to care for others in a healthy way.

[Patrica Allbritton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Transformative.

[Sabura · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was alright. It did touch on some helpful things.

[Becki · Rating 4 out of 5]

Synopsis from B&N: Christians are called to be servants. But people who forfeit their God-given calling and identity in order to please others move from servanthood to codependency. How can they get back on track? Clinical psychologist David Hawkins offers a Christian perspective on healthy relationships and the pitfalls of being a people pleaser\nReaders will resonate with the real-life illustrations of people who no longer know what they think, want, or feel. Suggestions for redirecting unhealthy relationships empower readers to rediscover their own value and personal contribution.\nThis book was so simple yet so profound. People pleasing is something I have regularly struggled with. And more recently I find myself swinging between pleasing and doing everything possible not to please.\nThere are definitely areas in life where I struggle more than others. This book helped me to pinpoint that and reminded me that boundaries are a good thing � even when others don�t respond in a positive way to them. However, I can�t enforce my personal boundaries unless I first determine what they are. And that the boundaries can change during different seasons of life.\nDefinitely one to read.\n

[Dalton Walker]

I really liked reading this book. At first I thought that this book would be stupid because my aunt wanted me to read it because she thought I was getting hurt by one of my friends that I would hang out with. So she thought it was a good idea for me to read it. I ended up learning stuff about myself from reading this book and it really did help me. Basically what this book was about was that you were reading through another's perspective about how helping others can really hurt you. I found out that this book helped my life out a lot.

[SunflowerJ SunflowerJ · Rating 5 out of 5]

I skipped to the part about Church Hurt and worked my way back wards. This book is awesome for church people. I continue to read this book and discover new things in between readings. It helped me figure out a few things and it may help you too. It's definitely a good book to have in your collection.

[Kimber · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would recommend this to anyone in a relationship or a family. It is so easy to fall into dysfunctional patterns. I like this book because the author refers to many relationship books from other authors.