Letters to Karen: On Keeping Love in Marriage

by Charlie W. Shedd

Karen Shedd, away at college, had recently become engaged. Looking forward to a long and happy union, she wrote to her father for advice.

Genres: Nonfiction, Marriage, Self Help, Christian, Religion, Relationships, Psychology

160 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 1920

About the author

Dr. Charles W. Shedd was an American Presbyterian minister and a master communicator of homespun wisdom. Dr. Shedd served as a Presbyterian minister for over 50 years. He was the shepherd of small country churches and big city cathedrals. Along the way, he walked alongside janitors, farmers, physicians, senators, and presidential cabinet members. "Pastor Shedd" never met a stranger, or left anyone who did not feel richer for being in this presence.

He authored over 40 books, wrote nationally syndicated columns, and was a favorite guest of numerous television and radio personalities.

Reviews

[Sarah McGrath · Rating 2 out of 5]

I rate this book 2.5 stars!
Not what I was expecting. Although some good points in the letters, there were also some I disagree with. For example I felt that this book was too traditional where the woman in the marriage is the housewife and the man is the breadwinner. Even though I love keeping things traditional, in this day and time roles have change. I also found the style of writing and humour used as weird, and didn't feel I connect with the author. This is definitely one of those books where you take what you want and leave the rest. Unfortunately there will be more I leave behind than take with me.

[Demi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Το βιβλίο "Γράμματα στην Κατερίνα" αποτυπώνει με πολύ εύστοχο και ευχάριστο τρόπο την έγγαμη ζωή,μέσα από τις συμβουλές ενός πάστορα-πατέρα προς τη κόρη του.Όλα τα θέματα που θίγει στα γράμματά του είναι πραγματικά ενδιαφέροντα και άξια θαυμασμού, γραμμένα με ρεαλισμό,σοφία,αγάπη και ευχές για έναν ευλογημένο γάμο.Εκτός αυτού,ιδιαίτερη εντύπωση προκαλεί ο πλούτος του λεξιλογίου του ιερέα,όπως και οι αλληγορίες και τα αποφθέγματα που χρησιμοποιεί.Ένα πραγματικό έργο τέχνης και πολύτιμος οδηγός που συστήνω στον καθένα ανεπιφύλακτα!!

[Alanna · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a classic! These short letters that a father wrote to his daughter before her marriage are full of practical advice, humor, and tried and true wisdom. I'm already planning on reading through it again after my wedding!

[Magdalena Chitic · Rating 5 out of 5]

Cât de frumos se poate vorbi despre taina căsătoriei pentru contemporani!😇😇

[Shannon · Rating 3 out of 5]

My sister gave me this book as a wedding gift, and I finally got around to reading it a month before my 25th anniversary! It's a mixture of common marital advice I've heard over the years and some outdated advice, as it assumes the wife will be a full-time homemaker. (And even when I was a stay-at-home mom, I didn't plan regular candlelit dinners or take time to make myself pretty before my husband came home!) The chapters on sex, though not explicit, were somewhat uncomfortable to read, knowing a father was writing to his daughter about her relationship with her husband. The still-relevant parts of the book weren't bad, and the outdated stuff was amusing, but there was nothing that would change my life or my marriage, even if I had read it as a newlywed.

[Eliza · Rating 4 out of 5]

Buenísimo (eliminando lo tradicional). Lo tiene que leer Juanss jj

[Steven H · Rating 5 out of 5]

A FATHER ADVISES HIS DAUGHTER ON LOVE AND MARRIAGE

Dr. Charlie W. Shedd (1915-2004) wrote many popular books, such as the companion to this book, 'Letters To Philip.'

This 1965 book is a series of letters he wrote to his daughter. "Several months before she was married, Karen asked me to write her some special letters. 'Daddy,' she said at her beaming best. 'I'd like you to tell me how I can keep him loving me forever!'... most of us need every possible aid for better fulfilling the laws of love... Because this is true, these letters are offered here with the added wish that they may be helpful to others---young, mature, older---as they accept this challenge." (Pg. 5-7)

He advises, "Let's begin with a fact which you must face: Moods are a natural part of every personality... Be grateful for the blessings of contrast which these experiences provide. When our loved ones have bad moods, this may make their good stand out in bold relief after the agony has run its course... Try your best not to go down into the swamps of despair when he goes down." (Pg. 44-45)

He observes, "Sex is a sacrament. What goes on between you bodily that night and through the years to come is one of God's precious gifts to his own. I hope you will come to understand that this part of life is not a duet. It is a trinity. You are really having a relationship with a wise Creator who made your bodies different for his purposes." (Pg. 92) Later, he adds, "The main thing I want to say here is that sex ought to be fun. It is not meant to be deadly serious all the time. If you are to discover its fullest joys, you must come to this relationship as uninhibited as you can possibly be." (Pg. 109)

He concludes, "In twenty years I ... have counseled with more than two thousand couples who have come to me with their problems... I have never had one couple or one member of a marriage come to me with their troubles if they prayed together... [Sometimes a marriage] of this many is severed in the courts. But in my own experience ... none was broken beyond repair if they had slipped their joined hands into the hand of God through prayer." (Pg. 152)

Nearly sixty years old, Shedd's fatherly advice remains timely for Christians even today.

[Pattie Gowing · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book to my daughter. We both loved Charlie’s love for his daughter that was so obvious in every letter he wrote. Although it was a little too centered on man and his psychology from man’s perspective, the insight he gave his daughter into having a godly, joyful life with her future husband was priceless. We skipped over a few parts that I felt were touching on subjects that wouldn’t be a part of my daughter’s married life, but overall we delighted in reading this book together. We both fell in love with Charlie and felt like a loving grandfather was talking to us through his words. What would happen to divorce rates if every father (and mother) would prepare their children for marriage by talking about the realities of married life before their sons and daughters walk down the aisle?

[Abigail G · Rating 3 out of 5]

It won't go on my recommendation list as I am sure there are more culturally relevant marriage advice books out there. This book contains really solid advice and really skewed advice as the cultural pressures and general living situations have changed significantly in the last 60 years. The Bible based advice is really good but if read without a recognition of what generation and year these perspectives come from there is a significant amount of bias and cultural norms that do not resonate with this generation. I'd be interested in reading a version equivalent written for men to do a comparison of the directions given.

[Marianna Sharktooth · Rating 3 out of 5]

Να πω θα ήταν λίγο αμήχανο να δίνει ένας πατέρας στη κόρη του αυτές τις συμβουλές; Αλλά το προσπερνάω γιατί αλλού βρίσκεται το θέμα. Το βιβλίο είναι ένα ευχολόγιο, χρήσιμες συμβουλές, κάποιες τις κρατάς, κάποιες τις πετάς, κάποιες είναι ενδιαφέρουσες, άλλες για μια άλλη εποχή. Δεν απορρίπτω τίποτα εντελώς, ούτε περιφρονώ, κάθε ζευγάρι είναι διαφορετικό, και μπορεί ένας πάστορας να μην μπορεί να βρει το σημείο του καθενός, βασίζομαι όμως στο ότι οι σχέσεις εξελλίσσονται, πλέον και οι άνδρες θέλω να πιστεύω ότι ασχολούνται με κάποια πράγματα, και καλό θα ήταν που και που να περιμένει ένας σύζυγος την γυναίκα του σπίτι περιποιημένος και με φαγητό έτοιμο. Λέω εγώ τώρα.

[Janelle Zimmerman · Rating 4 out of 5]

I remember sneaking this one off the shelf that was above my head (as a general rule, my parents arranged books according to age- and height!- level). Somewhere along the way I got my own copy but never actually read it.

Letters from a pastor/dad/counselor to his soon-to-be-married daughter. Sweet, humorous, a little old fashioned in spots, and with a few bones to spit out (like the idea that a wife's sexual availability always predicates her husband's faithfulness). Covers a wide range of topics, from finances to food to fighting well to building mutual faith practices.

[Cassie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Letters to Karen is letters written from a dad to his daughter before she gets married. Everyone should read this book before or in the beginning of their marriage. It has some old style ideals but reminds you how marriage should be.

[Mary T · Rating 3 out of 5]

A mentor loaned this to me when I was engaged 15 years ago. When decluttering the house, I thought I should finally return it (but maybe read it first!). As others have said, it is a bit old-fashioned, but there was still wisdom to glean.

[Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have read a lot of books on keeping love in marriage, this one being the first. It is still the very best one.

[Paul · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great little book, that I thought I had not read and needed to finish before passing on.

In fact I had read it before and now I have discovered some gems in the text, I am keeping the book,

[Brittany Prentiss · Rating 3 out of 5]

Read this as an undergrad at Biola. Super sweet little book, though it leans a bit too complementarian for me now.

[Karen]

Recommended by an older version of Honey for a Child's Heart book..krb 11/24/20

[Jacqueline Hankinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Captured my heart. The right stuff to help keep any heart, happy and healthy.

[Katerina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Λίγα πράγματα μπόρεσα να κρατήσω από αυτό το βιβλίο, δεν νομίζω ότι ανταποκρίνεται στη σημερινή εποχή.

[Felicity · Rating 5 out of 5]

"(...) a fi cineva smerit înseamnă să poată să înfrunte diferența care există între ceea ce suntem și ceea ce ar fi trebuit să fim."

"Aplecându-ne asupra greșelilor celorlalți pierdem din înălțimea noastră; căutând cele mai înalte virtuți ale lor, urcăm și noi mai sus. Este o regulă universal valabilă, fără excepție."

"Tuturor ne este extraordinar de greu să deschidem dulapul întunecat al sufletului nostru, de frică să nu sară din el diverși demoni nedoriți. Ne este, de asemenea, cunoscut tuturor că aceasta este singura modalitate de a ne dobândi liniștea interioară. Sunt dificile toate acestea."

"Îți urez să găsești totdeauna puterea sufletească de a te examina întâi pe tine însăți cu smerenie și cinste."

"Impulsurile nesăbuite care ne îndeamnă să dorim a face binele au adesea nevoie de control."

"Îți doresc să simți și tu, într-o bună zi, emoția pe care o simt cei care au lăsat, în urma lor, o lume mai bună decât cea pe care au găsit-o la venirea lor în ea."

"Cu cât vei fi mai fericită, cu atât mai mult va trebui să-ți deschizi inima celor care n-au avut norocul să aibă o viață la fel de frumoasă ca a ta."

[Yemima Aprilia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the best non-fiction book I've ever read for personal development...very practical and down-to-earth advice especially for ladies who want to be a wise wife and a gift to husband..written by a loving father and also experienced counselor for marriage.

Some quotes that maybe seems to be old-fashioned yet good to be remembered all the time:

"Marriage...is not so much finding the right person as it is being the right person"

"The surest way to be fully loved is to love fully"

"Beauty in human relations does not require total knowledge all at once"

"To be married to someone in whom you see islands to be discovered, mountains to climb, valleys to explore, and new wonders beckoning off in the distance"

"Marriage doesn't suddenly make imperfect people perfect"

"Don't hold on so tight that you squeeze one another away"

"You can bring out the best in each other if you look for the best and put it in words"

"Perhaps we can appreciate our mates at their best because we are allowed to see them also at their worst"

"Sharing your hearts through your lips is basic to marriage at its best"

"Small minds discuss people, average minds discuss happenings, great minds discuss ideas"

"Make the very most of all you got and make the very least of what you can't get yet"

"Marriage at its best is a lifework for two people at their best"

[Anastasiya · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book has some very practical advice but alongside some very misleading ideas and explanations of life. Over all this is a very sentimental and typical marriage book. It is very sincere but one could be sincerely wrong. This book does not focus on God being the one that sustains the marriage and that marriage is not to make us happy but holy. "All things are from him and through him and to him" (Romans 11:36) and this includes marriage! This book does not mention the gospel and the main point of marriage and thus errs in its ‘practical living’ advice. Another very important part of the marriage foundation that is left out of the equation is the sinful nature of both the husband and wife and how sin reveals itself in marriage. When one does not understand the core problem, one then cannot prescribe the right solution. But only give the advice that would get rid of the symptoms and not the core problem itself.

[Kessia Reyne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I couldn't find the English version of this book on Goodreads, so this will have to do.

I thought this book had several gems of wisdom in it from a fatherly and seemingly Christian point of view. Charlie Shedd wrote a series of letters to his daughter in response to her question, "Daddy, how can I keep him loving me forever?" Kind of a sappy question, I guess, but I think it turned out to be a pretty nice book.

As I said with his other book, Letters to Phillip, it does read as though it were written several decades ago, and yes, the author is a bit constricted by the gender roles of his time period, but in this little book Charlie Shedd gives sound marital advice to his daughter. The chapters are short--they're just brief letters, actually--so it's great for the back of the toilet :)

[Dhini · Rating 2 out of 5]

"Ayah, apa yang harus kulakukan utk membuat suamiku selalu mencintaiku?"

Demikianlah hal yang dipertanyakan Karen - seorang gadis yang menjelang pernikahannya - kepada ayahnya, Charlie W Shedd, yang juga adalah seorang pendeta yang biasa menangani masalah2 dalam pernikahan jemaatnya..

Pertanyaan itu pula yang menjadi awal dari ke-25 surat Charlie yang dibukukan ini.

Dan mengalirlah segala nasihat Sang Ayah pada putrinya... tentang bagaimana dia harus mengetahui saat yang tepat utk menyampaikan hal yang tidak menyenangkan.. tentang kejujuran dan keterbukaan, tentang mengatur pintu komunikasi secara baik, dan akhir dari semua nasihat itu adalah bahwa cinta mereka harus menyatu untuk mencintai Tuhan...

[Stacey · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is actually the 2nd time I've read this book. The 1st time I read it while still single, now of course I'm on the other side and was able to appreciate the author's wisdom. Although some of the points made in the book are a little out dated, in the end it really is a good book about marriage and how to enrich your relationship with your husband. The copy I read was a gift from my mom, I think she probably read it a couple of times and then passed it onto me. We will see if it will last long enough for my daughter.

[Bivisyani Questibrilia · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was very personal to me because it was a collection of letters a father wrote to his daughter to advise her on love and marriage. My Dad recommended it and it felt like those were indirectly the words he would have used. Also, I am extra honoured he thought I could grasp something so mature and powerful at this age (though I'm no longer young anymore, I guess), and I also think he believes in the relationship me and my bf have shared for over 3 years. It definitely taught me a lot and I cannot wait to share the wisdom with my beloved♥

[The Celtic Rebel (Richard) · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book along with the companion book, Letters to Philip, years ago as part of a Marriage & Family class in college. Letters to Karen is a collection of letters from a father to his daughter giving practical advice for marriage. The book is very practical and easy to read. Although some of the roles for women have changed through the years, the book offers great advice & wisdom sprinkled with touches of humor which are still applicable in modern day marriages. Great little book that most people today have likely never heard of.

[Dawn · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book really surprised me, it was letters written to a daughter about marriage advice from her minister father. He wrote them and they were made into a book in the 60's. The surprise was that so much of the council he gave was alot the same as I have heard from General Authorities and from Laura Brotherson ect. I will most likely give it to Saige when she becomes engaged someday along with And They were Not Ashamed.

[Maddlyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Before getting married a friend of mine suggested me this book! And it was the best advise she could have given me in that particular situation. Some days before our wedding I was reading `Letters to Karen`, while my boyfriend beside me was reading `Letters to Phillip`.It was a fun thing to do because these books are very easy and quick to read books. You can find many tips on how to keep love alive over years, all written in a very warm and witty style.

[Marina · Rating 3 out of 5]

** Books 172 - 2014 **

Buku ini mengisahkan seorang ayah yang memberikan wejangan dan nasihat tentang hubungan manusia dan pernikahan kepada putrinya, Karen

mungkin karena saya belum menikah jadi buku ini terasa biasa saja buat saya.. mungkin buku ini akan lebih tepat dibaca ketika saya sedang berhubungan dengan pria atau memutuskan untuk menikah..

saya berikan 2,5 dari 5 bintang untuk saat ini.. mungkin kedepannya bisa saja penilaian saya berubah.. hehe