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Preparing to Be a Help Meet
I can think of nothing I want more than someone to truly love me.
You spend your time pining away for your one true love and suddenly...you're married and it is a lot more than you bargained for. Now is the hour you should be preparing to be a wife—to be a help meet.
What does a good guy really look for in a girl?
Are you a Dreamer, Servant or Go-to Gal?
Do you know what to pray for your man-to-be?
Should you tell a guy you like him?
Can you know God's will in choosing a husband?
You spend your time pining away for your one true love and suddenly...you're married and it is a lot more than you bargained for. Now is the hour you should be preparing to be a wife—to be a help meet.
What does a good guy really look for in a girl?
Are you a Dreamer, Servant or Go-to Gal?
Do you know what to pray for your man-to-be?
Should you tell a guy you like him?
Can you know God's will in choosing a husband?
282 pages, Paperback
First published February 1, 2010
128 people are currently reading
1358 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 104 reviews
September 12, 2012
This remains the only book I have ever thrown across a room, I have a deep respect for books, but this one angered me mightily. The reality is this book focuses very heavily on how a woman is supposed to catch a man with a one size fits all type of attitude toward the subject. I know that it is about preparing to get married and in some respects this book is useful, but it focuses more on how to catch a man than finding one's own self worth and value in God... at the end of the day, a man will not fulfill you, but God can.
May 5, 2017
Please, please don't read this book or give it to an impressionable person. It has taken years of depression and suicidal thoughts for me to unravel these toxic beliefs. We all are worth so much more than these damaging guidelines.
November 21, 2016
Has some good points. Encouraging stories. However, the tone of the book seems to suggest that a woman's only role in life is to marry and drop everything to either devote herself to his ministries or become a house wife. I'm a woman but I'm also a doctor. I have long hours at work and patients that depend on me. When I get married I can't devote all of myself to him. I have other important responsibilities too. Marriage should be about helping each other, and picking up the slack when one or the other isn't able to give 100%. It shouldn't be so one sided. This book is ultra conservative and legalistic. Strong Biblical doctrine is lacking. Take it with a grain of salt.
April 28, 2022
Please read this entire review for as much an objective rating as I can possibly muster as a human being:
Disclaimer: If you’re not Christian, or you otherwise follow modern western thought, this book is NOT for you. It is a traditional, Christian book that believes that man should be the leader or head of house, while the woman should submit to her husband’s authority (this is completely biblical and the author even gives scripture to support this view). If you don’t believe this, naturally, this book will upset you.
That said, I’ve read this entire book and it gives many good lessons. Some things however deeply disturbed me as a Christian woman.
The Good:
- The advice. The actual explicit advice given is *great* for the most part. Not being a grabber or hidden flower, being patient, praying, studying and accumulating knowledge, staying busy, setting goals, having standards, keeping standards realistic, etc. This is GREAT advice to fully actualize as a human being and be a learned, educated woman. I saw some reviews that said that this book makes you feel that your worth only revolves around your man. While I do see where this is coming from, I also don’t agree since there are many places in this book that emphasize not waiting on a man, focusing on God, developing your social life, being a busy-body, etc. Also, this book IS for finding a man, so focusing on that is congruent with the whole point you should be reading this book. If you practically follow this advice, you WILL find a certain feminine independence that is essential for any relationship goals later on. I know the book brings this advice back to being about men, but again, that’s the whole purpose of the book, so it makes sense that it’ll focus there and on attracting men. I seriously cannot emphasize how great the advice is. It just gets better, and it comes from a place of wisdom.
- The humor/amusement. I LOVED how much this book amused me, from Debi’s love story, to the description of the Kingly man who my current fiancé fit so, SO well.
- The archetypes. The actual male archetypes are very well-thought out and very informative. I didn’t like the names given to the female versions, but that’s just my subjective preference, and the female versions were still given good thought. This book is generally very informative.
- The perspective. Debi’s story and other’s stories really help me see other perspectives and lives that are so vibrant and different; it fills me with life and excitement.
The bad (very small pet peeves):
- The ignorance regarding abnormal psychology as a topic. I don’t mean this as an insult by the way. This is a small nitpick also, but seeing in one of the chapters “schizophrenics (people with multiple personalities)” (paraphrase) really made me cringe. Those two are completely different mental illnesses (schizophrenia and DID. The first one is usually characterized by hallucinations and delusions while DID is the “multiple personalities” but it’s more than that; I won’t go into it).
- Lack of focus on what *you* want. Again, not a big deal, but I saw this in where you have to write answers to questions or general notes at the end of chapters. In the chapters regarding the archetypes, the question is always “how can you serve x type” or “are you well equipped for x man” but not “is this man compatible for you” or “which of the three do you feel most able to serve?” You should definitely prepare for different types cuz you don’t know what life will hit you with, but ultimately, this book doesn’t ask you to identify what archetypes you prefer. Will edit if I find this during rereading or later on.
- Heavy focus on ministry/church. I kept feeling that this book kept indirectly saying “if you’re not heavily involved in ministry and church related activity, you’re doing it wrong and aren’t as good as you could be” even though I KNOW the book never really said this. I’ve never felt a calling towards ministry or church, but know that I ought to eventually spread the gospel. The author makes it feel that it should be an extremely major part of my life when I KNOW that’s not what God called me to do, at least not yet (I’m confident here because many minor doctrines I (and my fiancé) hold are not seen by majority as biblical even though I believe they are deeply important teachings; this would cause deep friction in the church). I’ve felt more called to help people more indirectly by helping them over religious, family, etc., trauma so they could be more open-minded to different worldviews, then pray that God sends them a good, Christian example to save them (this is more than half the work of saving an atheist, agnostic, or otherwise, since almost all I’ve met said that they came from legalistic, Catholic, and/or abusive Christian homes). I feel more called to write books also, etc. Again, very small nitpick, since in many places, the author does say “the church/ministry or elsewhere” (rough paraphrase) whenever talking about the subject, but I just wish this book discussed any alternatives directly (even if briefly), rather than just putting it in the “elsewhere/otherwise” category. Will edit if I find this later on or during rereading.
The ugly:
- The tone and language. This…REALLY kept rubbing me the wrong way. This book comes with a tough love, no-excuses approach, and I really don’t like it at all. I know the focus is on how you can improve, but saying this as somebody who has a relationship that embodied God’s unconditional love for me (my fiancé still loved me and worked on me even though I was deeply sinful, unhelpful, untrained, and even unsaved at first), this book does not at all give me any impression of God’s unconditional love. One of the men making comments said (paraphrase) “saying ‘I didn’t mean to come off that way’ is such a cop-out” in context to a woman who seems like she sees herself above everyone else. This is just unnecessary and he continues on to say that it’s just an excuse, when it could just be a shocked remark. Many women struggle with social skills and don’t realize their outward energy. This just felt forceful, again, saying as somebody with a GREAT relationship with a King type man. Another place that was extremely unnecessary and rude was this: (exact quote) “You need a life, a vibrant life, before your man comes on the scene. A clingy useless wife that lacks drive, goals, ambitions, or dreams is just that—useless.” This is absolutely terrible to say, especially to a generation whose proneness to ADHD is only increasing due to technology and other modern influences we are not yet equipped to. Not only that, but a guy comments further saying (exact quote) “it’s very needy. A man wants a companion, not a sympathy case.” It’s great advice to say that you need ambitions, goals, and your own identity, but this could’ve been said so many different ways. Instead, the book opts out to calling a huge number of its targeted audience useless. It’s deeply un-empathetic and lacking in gentleness to a majority of people. Psychologically, it’s so much better to approach with understanding and lack of judgement. This…almost reckless straightforwardness hurts many impressionable people’s sense of worth and stops many people from reading into genuinely good advice. There are also more similar language like “suck it up” or “if this is tough on you, push on and keep going” (rough paraphrase of both). One thing I found again is (exact quote) “What training are you now engaged in? And don’t tell me you are helping your mom around the house! You should have mastered that by the time you were ten years old.” The problem is that many kids, me included, were so sheltered and never allowed to do chores to the point where my actual fiancé had to teach me cooking and some extras there and there about cleaning. It’s extremely hard to help around if your mother or parents are constantly disparaging you for doing anything because of your slowness or lack of finesse, especially when they were the ones that were supposed to help you gain speed in the first place. I don’t have excuses now that I’m an adult, and I am learning, however, this could’ve been said so much better as “try not to count helping with chores or cooking, because whilst those are definitely important for housewife work, we also want to eventually go beyond that and into higher, more complex skills that will be used to better assist your future-husband” or something similar. The tone in this question was definitely trying to be cute, but it just came off insensitive and ignorant. There are many, many more much worse examples I could go into but won’t. To summarize: there are great ways to hit home the important information in this book without being forceful, aggressive, insensitive, etc. *and* also without watering down the message’s importance. The author failed at the balance in too many places to ignore it throughout the whole book.
- The legalism. I don’t think it’s ever explicit, (unless I missed it), but this is a solidly “courtship good, dating bad,” “purity culture good, anti-purity culture bad” book. It also never really focuses on women who work (paying jobs) AND keep house, which is NOT unbiblical (however, your monetary job shouldn’t take priority over your job towards your husband, which needs to stay no.1 your entire life). The proverbs woman who is likened as more worthy than rubies *worked* (this is a small nitpick out of what I’ll say next though). Most people are in abusive, manipulative homes and would never have success with courtship. This is extremely important because the author is in a sort of bubble with her own great family and people’s great families that she knows, but I live in a single-mother house and she HATED my fiancé. I never would’ve gotten to know him or get engaged if I believed in courtship, and I genuinely believe that God meant for this man in my life and He’s the one writing our love story. Purity culture is also absolutely terrible. It has hurt many people and is not at all biblical. Many people needed a sex therapist after marriage due to purity culture. For too many people, they can’t just flip the switch from “touch bad, hold hands bad!” to “sexxxxxxx, yeah!!” The misplaced guilt and paranoia will STILL be there in many people (because getting married doesn’t always make an immediate switch; aka, it doesn’t always immediately register that you’re genuinely one flesh now). I know the author is a 100% well-meaning, but her ideas about purity, touching, and courting is genuinely harmful especially to impressionable teens, and is completely unbiblical. I’m saying this as a baptist myself.
- The focus on her and lack of focus on him. I know this is a book for women, but let me give examples that will speak for themselves. (exact quote) “In most marriages, the strife is not because the man is cruel or evil; it is because he expects obedience, honor, and reverence, and is not getting it. Thus, he reacts badly.” I feel this was just trying to make sense of the King type and it genuinely helped me understand my fiancé more, but the wording can be damaging. It can heavily register as “it’s not his fault, it’s yours.” It’s not because he needs to improve, it’s because YOU need to give him obedience. You could’ve related to the King type without wording it this way. Even if you don’t obey, he shouldn’t react badly, and you should not disobey in the first place either, but responsibility goes both ways and this is never clarified. In fact, the book actually is counterintuitive to this. Here’s another example: (exact quote) “the Prophet just ran. Very biblical.” Context: a woman 1. wrapped her hand around this man, 2. sat next to him, 3. put her hand on his thigh to show interest. This is relatively mild. How does the man react? He MOVES OUT OF THE TOWN. The book calls this “Very biblical.” This is terribly disgusting and cowardly, not biblical. The reasoning is that he felt tempted and was disgusted by his inability to pursue her objectively (because his flesh was stirred) and didn’t want to lose control of his life, so he ran away, like the scripture that says to flee from unrighteousness. What’s wrong with this is that the Bible does not literally mean to run out of town and ghost the poor girl that’s acknowledged as being good and simply being ignorant to his potential reaction in the book, which are both actions that are very, very unloving and selfish. If somebody putting their arm around you and just putting their hand on your thigh causes this reaction, you-and I genuinely mean this in the most well meaning way-need therapy. This is very, very abnormal and dysfunctional to your life and everyone around you. Not that you should like this, but that it shouldn’t be something that makes you feel you’re losing grasp of your life and can no longer objective assess if a girl is a good match. The book rebukes the poor girl and says that this cowardly man was biblical. Terrible, terrible, terrible. This happens multiple times in the book where they say that a woman “demanding” clarity on whether he is or isn’t interested can cause him to just drop her. This is true, and it’s generally human nature, so you ought not do this, but again, zero clarification that just dropping a woman due to one flaw or very small little flaws is hardly virtuous either. Having great chemistry then deciding to up and leave when she asks your intentions due to waiting for a long time is terrible behavior, and I really wish that it was ever addressed as not being appropriate (but that you still have to work on this flaw because we’re all human and sinful in different ways). The worst example yet is a story of a woman whose husband divorced her out of nowhere after basically giving her the silent treatment for who knows how long. She proceeds to say (paraphrase) “If I revered him from the beginning, I’d still be a loved wife.” This is terrible considering that a LOT of the context involves this ex-husband being in debt and failing at a basic adult skill that he should be much better at especially if he’s taking responsibility over the whole family finances. Her getting depressed as a result is seen as a mistake on her part. While she should push herself to have been able to handle this better, the majority of the problem was indeed the husband, but instead, the book almost victim blames this poor woman. This is a theme in the entire book. A man doing something irresponsible, despicable, cowardly, or forceful is never addressed as not actually being a good thing, and shrugged off as just coming with the territory of whatever archetype they are or them being a man. This is by far the absolute WORST flaw in the book, and indirectly teaches impressionable women that these behaviors are okay, and that they are the problem.
Overall, I’d say this book has extremely good advice in general and I really mean that is it GREAT advice, but I’d only suggest this book to somebody who confidently knows without strife how to sort what is useful and true and what isn’t within the book for them. The kind of person who wouldn’t mind reading anything to get something from it. I would NOT recommend this to anybody who is too sensitive, heavily struggling with insecurity/depression/etc., or somebody who’s young and impressionable, though I would try to encourage somebody who might be slightly sensitive like me to push through and gain all they can because the advice and information is genuinely good. That said, you have to be a special kind of person to get through and gain value from this book, and it definitely shouldn’t be like that considering that this is aimed at and for young teens.
I hope this helps you in whether you decide to get this book or not.
Disclaimer: If you’re not Christian, or you otherwise follow modern western thought, this book is NOT for you. It is a traditional, Christian book that believes that man should be the leader or head of house, while the woman should submit to her husband’s authority (this is completely biblical and the author even gives scripture to support this view). If you don’t believe this, naturally, this book will upset you.
That said, I’ve read this entire book and it gives many good lessons. Some things however deeply disturbed me as a Christian woman.
The Good:
- The advice. The actual explicit advice given is *great* for the most part. Not being a grabber or hidden flower, being patient, praying, studying and accumulating knowledge, staying busy, setting goals, having standards, keeping standards realistic, etc. This is GREAT advice to fully actualize as a human being and be a learned, educated woman. I saw some reviews that said that this book makes you feel that your worth only revolves around your man. While I do see where this is coming from, I also don’t agree since there are many places in this book that emphasize not waiting on a man, focusing on God, developing your social life, being a busy-body, etc. Also, this book IS for finding a man, so focusing on that is congruent with the whole point you should be reading this book. If you practically follow this advice, you WILL find a certain feminine independence that is essential for any relationship goals later on. I know the book brings this advice back to being about men, but again, that’s the whole purpose of the book, so it makes sense that it’ll focus there and on attracting men. I seriously cannot emphasize how great the advice is. It just gets better, and it comes from a place of wisdom.
- The humor/amusement. I LOVED how much this book amused me, from Debi’s love story, to the description of the Kingly man who my current fiancé fit so, SO well.
- The archetypes. The actual male archetypes are very well-thought out and very informative. I didn’t like the names given to the female versions, but that’s just my subjective preference, and the female versions were still given good thought. This book is generally very informative.
- The perspective. Debi’s story and other’s stories really help me see other perspectives and lives that are so vibrant and different; it fills me with life and excitement.
The bad (very small pet peeves):
- The ignorance regarding abnormal psychology as a topic. I don’t mean this as an insult by the way. This is a small nitpick also, but seeing in one of the chapters “schizophrenics (people with multiple personalities)” (paraphrase) really made me cringe. Those two are completely different mental illnesses (schizophrenia and DID. The first one is usually characterized by hallucinations and delusions while DID is the “multiple personalities” but it’s more than that; I won’t go into it).
- Lack of focus on what *you* want. Again, not a big deal, but I saw this in where you have to write answers to questions or general notes at the end of chapters. In the chapters regarding the archetypes, the question is always “how can you serve x type” or “are you well equipped for x man” but not “is this man compatible for you” or “which of the three do you feel most able to serve?” You should definitely prepare for different types cuz you don’t know what life will hit you with, but ultimately, this book doesn’t ask you to identify what archetypes you prefer. Will edit if I find this during rereading or later on.
- Heavy focus on ministry/church. I kept feeling that this book kept indirectly saying “if you’re not heavily involved in ministry and church related activity, you’re doing it wrong and aren’t as good as you could be” even though I KNOW the book never really said this. I’ve never felt a calling towards ministry or church, but know that I ought to eventually spread the gospel. The author makes it feel that it should be an extremely major part of my life when I KNOW that’s not what God called me to do, at least not yet (I’m confident here because many minor doctrines I (and my fiancé) hold are not seen by majority as biblical even though I believe they are deeply important teachings; this would cause deep friction in the church). I’ve felt more called to help people more indirectly by helping them over religious, family, etc., trauma so they could be more open-minded to different worldviews, then pray that God sends them a good, Christian example to save them (this is more than half the work of saving an atheist, agnostic, or otherwise, since almost all I’ve met said that they came from legalistic, Catholic, and/or abusive Christian homes). I feel more called to write books also, etc. Again, very small nitpick, since in many places, the author does say “the church/ministry or elsewhere” (rough paraphrase) whenever talking about the subject, but I just wish this book discussed any alternatives directly (even if briefly), rather than just putting it in the “elsewhere/otherwise” category. Will edit if I find this later on or during rereading.
The ugly:
- The tone and language. This…REALLY kept rubbing me the wrong way. This book comes with a tough love, no-excuses approach, and I really don’t like it at all. I know the focus is on how you can improve, but saying this as somebody who has a relationship that embodied God’s unconditional love for me (my fiancé still loved me and worked on me even though I was deeply sinful, unhelpful, untrained, and even unsaved at first), this book does not at all give me any impression of God’s unconditional love. One of the men making comments said (paraphrase) “saying ‘I didn’t mean to come off that way’ is such a cop-out” in context to a woman who seems like she sees herself above everyone else. This is just unnecessary and he continues on to say that it’s just an excuse, when it could just be a shocked remark. Many women struggle with social skills and don’t realize their outward energy. This just felt forceful, again, saying as somebody with a GREAT relationship with a King type man. Another place that was extremely unnecessary and rude was this: (exact quote) “You need a life, a vibrant life, before your man comes on the scene. A clingy useless wife that lacks drive, goals, ambitions, or dreams is just that—useless.” This is absolutely terrible to say, especially to a generation whose proneness to ADHD is only increasing due to technology and other modern influences we are not yet equipped to. Not only that, but a guy comments further saying (exact quote) “it’s very needy. A man wants a companion, not a sympathy case.” It’s great advice to say that you need ambitions, goals, and your own identity, but this could’ve been said so many different ways. Instead, the book opts out to calling a huge number of its targeted audience useless. It’s deeply un-empathetic and lacking in gentleness to a majority of people. Psychologically, it’s so much better to approach with understanding and lack of judgement. This…almost reckless straightforwardness hurts many impressionable people’s sense of worth and stops many people from reading into genuinely good advice. There are also more similar language like “suck it up” or “if this is tough on you, push on and keep going” (rough paraphrase of both). One thing I found again is (exact quote) “What training are you now engaged in? And don’t tell me you are helping your mom around the house! You should have mastered that by the time you were ten years old.” The problem is that many kids, me included, were so sheltered and never allowed to do chores to the point where my actual fiancé had to teach me cooking and some extras there and there about cleaning. It’s extremely hard to help around if your mother or parents are constantly disparaging you for doing anything because of your slowness or lack of finesse, especially when they were the ones that were supposed to help you gain speed in the first place. I don’t have excuses now that I’m an adult, and I am learning, however, this could’ve been said so much better as “try not to count helping with chores or cooking, because whilst those are definitely important for housewife work, we also want to eventually go beyond that and into higher, more complex skills that will be used to better assist your future-husband” or something similar. The tone in this question was definitely trying to be cute, but it just came off insensitive and ignorant. There are many, many more much worse examples I could go into but won’t. To summarize: there are great ways to hit home the important information in this book without being forceful, aggressive, insensitive, etc. *and* also without watering down the message’s importance. The author failed at the balance in too many places to ignore it throughout the whole book.
- The legalism. I don’t think it’s ever explicit, (unless I missed it), but this is a solidly “courtship good, dating bad,” “purity culture good, anti-purity culture bad” book. It also never really focuses on women who work (paying jobs) AND keep house, which is NOT unbiblical (however, your monetary job shouldn’t take priority over your job towards your husband, which needs to stay no.1 your entire life). The proverbs woman who is likened as more worthy than rubies *worked* (this is a small nitpick out of what I’ll say next though). Most people are in abusive, manipulative homes and would never have success with courtship. This is extremely important because the author is in a sort of bubble with her own great family and people’s great families that she knows, but I live in a single-mother house and she HATED my fiancé. I never would’ve gotten to know him or get engaged if I believed in courtship, and I genuinely believe that God meant for this man in my life and He’s the one writing our love story. Purity culture is also absolutely terrible. It has hurt many people and is not at all biblical. Many people needed a sex therapist after marriage due to purity culture. For too many people, they can’t just flip the switch from “touch bad, hold hands bad!” to “sexxxxxxx, yeah!!” The misplaced guilt and paranoia will STILL be there in many people (because getting married doesn’t always make an immediate switch; aka, it doesn’t always immediately register that you’re genuinely one flesh now). I know the author is a 100% well-meaning, but her ideas about purity, touching, and courting is genuinely harmful especially to impressionable teens, and is completely unbiblical. I’m saying this as a baptist myself.
- The focus on her and lack of focus on him. I know this is a book for women, but let me give examples that will speak for themselves. (exact quote) “In most marriages, the strife is not because the man is cruel or evil; it is because he expects obedience, honor, and reverence, and is not getting it. Thus, he reacts badly.” I feel this was just trying to make sense of the King type and it genuinely helped me understand my fiancé more, but the wording can be damaging. It can heavily register as “it’s not his fault, it’s yours.” It’s not because he needs to improve, it’s because YOU need to give him obedience. You could’ve related to the King type without wording it this way. Even if you don’t obey, he shouldn’t react badly, and you should not disobey in the first place either, but responsibility goes both ways and this is never clarified. In fact, the book actually is counterintuitive to this. Here’s another example: (exact quote) “the Prophet just ran. Very biblical.” Context: a woman 1. wrapped her hand around this man, 2. sat next to him, 3. put her hand on his thigh to show interest. This is relatively mild. How does the man react? He MOVES OUT OF THE TOWN. The book calls this “Very biblical.” This is terribly disgusting and cowardly, not biblical. The reasoning is that he felt tempted and was disgusted by his inability to pursue her objectively (because his flesh was stirred) and didn’t want to lose control of his life, so he ran away, like the scripture that says to flee from unrighteousness. What’s wrong with this is that the Bible does not literally mean to run out of town and ghost the poor girl that’s acknowledged as being good and simply being ignorant to his potential reaction in the book, which are both actions that are very, very unloving and selfish. If somebody putting their arm around you and just putting their hand on your thigh causes this reaction, you-and I genuinely mean this in the most well meaning way-need therapy. This is very, very abnormal and dysfunctional to your life and everyone around you. Not that you should like this, but that it shouldn’t be something that makes you feel you’re losing grasp of your life and can no longer objective assess if a girl is a good match. The book rebukes the poor girl and says that this cowardly man was biblical. Terrible, terrible, terrible. This happens multiple times in the book where they say that a woman “demanding” clarity on whether he is or isn’t interested can cause him to just drop her. This is true, and it’s generally human nature, so you ought not do this, but again, zero clarification that just dropping a woman due to one flaw or very small little flaws is hardly virtuous either. Having great chemistry then deciding to up and leave when she asks your intentions due to waiting for a long time is terrible behavior, and I really wish that it was ever addressed as not being appropriate (but that you still have to work on this flaw because we’re all human and sinful in different ways). The worst example yet is a story of a woman whose husband divorced her out of nowhere after basically giving her the silent treatment for who knows how long. She proceeds to say (paraphrase) “If I revered him from the beginning, I’d still be a loved wife.” This is terrible considering that a LOT of the context involves this ex-husband being in debt and failing at a basic adult skill that he should be much better at especially if he’s taking responsibility over the whole family finances. Her getting depressed as a result is seen as a mistake on her part. While she should push herself to have been able to handle this better, the majority of the problem was indeed the husband, but instead, the book almost victim blames this poor woman. This is a theme in the entire book. A man doing something irresponsible, despicable, cowardly, or forceful is never addressed as not actually being a good thing, and shrugged off as just coming with the territory of whatever archetype they are or them being a man. This is by far the absolute WORST flaw in the book, and indirectly teaches impressionable women that these behaviors are okay, and that they are the problem.
Overall, I’d say this book has extremely good advice in general and I really mean that is it GREAT advice, but I’d only suggest this book to somebody who confidently knows without strife how to sort what is useful and true and what isn’t within the book for them. The kind of person who wouldn’t mind reading anything to get something from it. I would NOT recommend this to anybody who is too sensitive, heavily struggling with insecurity/depression/etc., or somebody who’s young and impressionable, though I would try to encourage somebody who might be slightly sensitive like me to push through and gain all they can because the advice and information is genuinely good. That said, you have to be a special kind of person to get through and gain value from this book, and it definitely shouldn’t be like that considering that this is aimed at and for young teens.
I hope this helps you in whether you decide to get this book or not.
July 31, 2010
This book was the most challenging on the subject I have yet to read. While we are to look totally to the Word of God, Mrs. Pearl's insight and wisdom echoes much of the Biblical statutes that I love so dear.
My favorite chapter would probably have to be "The Italian Prince." I was greatly encouraged and challenged to get up and actually DO something with my life - and not just to prove that I was a grown woman and that I could live independently, but to work with my hands the things of the LORD. In doing so, God would bless my endeavors to "delight in Him" with a husband (but only in His timing).
In the last two years, I have been confused as to where my position as an unmarried woman living under her parents' roof actually lies. Do I have the "right" to go out and work for the Lord, if I feel that He is calling me to do that? Or, is it absolutely wrong of me to leave Mother to handle all the children all day? This book clearly pointed me to fall continually at His feet - "just to know thus saith the Lord."
I began volunteering at our local pregnancy center with my sister. Has it been fulfilling? More than I would ever have imagined! Even though I have only compiled bags, hung curtain rods, and taken out the trash, I feel that I have blessed someone - if not all - in the Name of my precious Guide.
As I have spent some months in India as a missionary, I have felt so very burdened to return again. But I am continually seeking the Lord as to what His will for me is. I will go where He will lead me; I will say what He impresses upon me to say.
Aside from this subject, the book covers many other issues - some considered 'intimate.' I believe that in such a society that is seeking none other than its own pleasures, girls need to be preparing for marriage rather than swooning at every guy she meets. My favorite story of warning was in the chapter "Pie in the Sky," about the girl that became engaged to a godly young man but she was cultivating an intimate relationship with some other guy in Florida through email. Keeping it all secret, she became a single mother because the guy in Florida finally told her that he was married with two kids of his own.
Girls of all ages, shapes and sizes need to understand that Satan is out there to trap us! Our emotions and our feelings - delicate though they be, and a beautiful gift from God - are ready to slip on Satan's banana peels each time a guy walks by.
My favorite chapter would probably have to be "The Italian Prince." I was greatly encouraged and challenged to get up and actually DO something with my life - and not just to prove that I was a grown woman and that I could live independently, but to work with my hands the things of the LORD. In doing so, God would bless my endeavors to "delight in Him" with a husband (but only in His timing).
In the last two years, I have been confused as to where my position as an unmarried woman living under her parents' roof actually lies. Do I have the "right" to go out and work for the Lord, if I feel that He is calling me to do that? Or, is it absolutely wrong of me to leave Mother to handle all the children all day? This book clearly pointed me to fall continually at His feet - "just to know thus saith the Lord."
I began volunteering at our local pregnancy center with my sister. Has it been fulfilling? More than I would ever have imagined! Even though I have only compiled bags, hung curtain rods, and taken out the trash, I feel that I have blessed someone - if not all - in the Name of my precious Guide.
As I have spent some months in India as a missionary, I have felt so very burdened to return again. But I am continually seeking the Lord as to what His will for me is. I will go where He will lead me; I will say what He impresses upon me to say.
Aside from this subject, the book covers many other issues - some considered 'intimate.' I believe that in such a society that is seeking none other than its own pleasures, girls need to be preparing for marriage rather than swooning at every guy she meets. My favorite story of warning was in the chapter "Pie in the Sky," about the girl that became engaged to a godly young man but she was cultivating an intimate relationship with some other guy in Florida through email. Keeping it all secret, she became a single mother because the guy in Florida finally told her that he was married with two kids of his own.
Girls of all ages, shapes and sizes need to understand that Satan is out there to trap us! Our emotions and our feelings - delicate though they be, and a beautiful gift from God - are ready to slip on Satan's banana peels each time a guy walks by.
August 17, 2020
This book is written to encourage women to become victims of abuse and feel guilty about being hurt by their abusive husbands. The themes in this book come off with a Christian and encouraging message, but ultimately set women up to be doormats for their husbands. It is so important for men to be held accountable for their actions and how they treat their wives, just as women should be kind and loving and supportive to their husbands. It is incredibly destructive to teach young women that they are responsible for their husbands treating them poorly. I came away front this book sorry for Debi and her daughters and horrified that this book continues to be published.
June 15, 2019
I was given this book by those I trusted at a young age. I ate it up. I read and reread it, highlighted in it, and wrote down excerpts from it. The damage it has done still lingers. It has taken years for me to shake the feeling that I am innately inferior to men, and that my sole purpose as a women is to serve the male ego. This mindset is dangerous and poisonous.
October 3, 2021
I'm sure this was written with good intentions, but it's one of the worst books I have ever read when it comes to substance. When I think about how it is written for a vulnerable, impressionable audience who are being told to believe it, lines like 'once you get married, the commands of your husband become the commands of God' lose their comedic value and become kind of heart wrenching. I'm sorry it was written.
February 21, 2025
may 2023: read
february 2025: read with lyd
february 2025: read with lyd
April 17, 2014
I love reading books for young women about christian living, and in this case, preparing to meet your future husband. I've read a few books on this subject, and I just have to say that this book is one of the better ones. It has had more impact on me and my walk with the Lord than some of the other books I've read on this subject.
I've learned and also relearned a lot of things. I loved how this book was full of stories, and not just nice stories about marriages that went well, but also stories about marriages that did not end well. I just want to quote the last part of the book in my review since it pretty much sums up the whole book.
In this book I learned that to prepare myself to be a help Meet I need to;
“Walk in truth and joy, become a servant, study and learn all manner of different skills, practice honoring those in authority over you, and pray for every man you know who seeks the Lord; pray that these men have the heart to labor for the harvest.” ~Preparing to be a Help Meet by Debi Pearl
And I also learned that who I am today in my single year is who I will ultimately be in my married years. I don't want to fall into the trap that lots of girls find themselves in. Waiting for your prince to come and save you from your lonely miserable life only to find that you bring your lonely miserable life with you into marriage. I want to find purpose in my life and live my single years to the fullest.
“Trust in the lord with all thine hear; and lean no unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.” Proverbs 3: 5-6
I've learned and also relearned a lot of things. I loved how this book was full of stories, and not just nice stories about marriages that went well, but also stories about marriages that did not end well. I just want to quote the last part of the book in my review since it pretty much sums up the whole book.
In this book I learned that to prepare myself to be a help Meet I need to;
“Walk in truth and joy, become a servant, study and learn all manner of different skills, practice honoring those in authority over you, and pray for every man you know who seeks the Lord; pray that these men have the heart to labor for the harvest.” ~Preparing to be a Help Meet by Debi Pearl
And I also learned that who I am today in my single year is who I will ultimately be in my married years. I don't want to fall into the trap that lots of girls find themselves in. Waiting for your prince to come and save you from your lonely miserable life only to find that you bring your lonely miserable life with you into marriage. I want to find purpose in my life and live my single years to the fullest.
“Trust in the lord with all thine hear; and lean no unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths.” Proverbs 3: 5-6
February 21, 2018
First off, let me just say I'm not a huge fan of the author.... I certainly didn't agree with everything she has to say. However, I really appreciated the fact that the Scripture used was all taken from the KJV. I also found a lot of the material extremely helpful...much of which I am immediately starting to put into practice.
December 29, 2011
I don’t even remember what prompted me to pick this book up to skim through it one night because I don’t usually read marriage-centered books, but I was immediately captivated. So much so that I ended up staying up well into the night reading through almost the whole book. As my sisters and I traveled out of town the following day, I read them a chapter and other portions of the book that I found particularly inspiring. Even though I question some of the author’s points, I finished the book feeling both a renewed anticipation at the prospect of marriage and a vision for using the single years I have to fully invest myself in the work the Lord has given me to do. Perhaps more than anything, Mrs. Pearl’s insights and stories have compelled me to pray more faithfully for the guys in my life, upholding them before the Lord as a sister who wants to see them rise up to be godly husbands, fathers, and leaders in the world.
February 26, 2015
I might not be credible for a review, because I have not read this entire book. But here is some of what I saw:
Positive:
~The first chapter on prayer is amazing! Yes! How much we need to pray for the men and young men we know!
~The explanation of character types is very interesting and definitely helps to know how to relate to others.
Negative:
~This book goes more into detail (with feelings, lust) than I care for. I understand that for a normal teenage girl, it would be nothing though.
~Overall, the emphasis placed by this book is that if you do all that you can to prepare to be a wife and strive to follow God, He WILL give you a husband. I do not find this principle in the Bible.
I have known many girls who find this book helpful, so cannot say "This is a terrible book, don't even open." But I did not feel comfortable reading the whole book a few years ago when I started it.
Positive:
~The first chapter on prayer is amazing! Yes! How much we need to pray for the men and young men we know!
~The explanation of character types is very interesting and definitely helps to know how to relate to others.
Negative:
~This book goes more into detail (with feelings, lust) than I care for. I understand that for a normal teenage girl, it would be nothing though.
~Overall, the emphasis placed by this book is that if you do all that you can to prepare to be a wife and strive to follow God, He WILL give you a husband. I do not find this principle in the Bible.
I have known many girls who find this book helpful, so cannot say "This is a terrible book, don't even open." But I did not feel comfortable reading the whole book a few years ago when I started it.
May 10, 2013
I LOVE this book!
September 2, 2020
Fetelor, v-o recomand din tot sufletul! Dacă aveți inima deschisă și dornică de a învăța, de a crește și de vă pregăti pentru viitoarea căsnicie, cartea astea e numai bună pentru voi. Mie mi-a deschis bine ochii, mi-a cercetat inima, mi-a schimbat perspectiva asupra vieții de soție și m-a învățat ce vrea Dumnezeu de la mine, ca femeie creată din coasta lui Adam. Poate pentru unele va fi ca un duș rece, dar mai bine să realizăm acum și să ne îndreptăm gândirea greșită decât să avem de reparat o căsnicie ajunsă în pragul despărțirii. Mai mult de atât, cuvintele din această carte șlefuiește caracterul tău de fată, de prietenă, de slujitoare în biserică și de viitoare mamă. Studiată împreună cu Biblia aduce multe, multe beneficii. E un must în lista oricărei fete!
March 7, 2024
Preparing to be a Helpmeet focuses very much on what a single girl can do to make herself a better potential bride. It has some good points—cultivating a teachable spirit, learning to manage a home—however there were a lot of points that I didn’t agree with.
There are many stories of ladies faithfully serving the Lord, a man admiring that and they are quickly married (like 8days-2months).
I also had a hard time with how the “types of men” were presented. It came across to me with a “this is the way men are and we just have to adapt to love with them” kind of air.
This book challenged me to think deeply for myself and that I appreciate.
There are many stories of ladies faithfully serving the Lord, a man admiring that and they are quickly married (like 8days-2months).
I also had a hard time with how the “types of men” were presented. It came across to me with a “this is the way men are and we just have to adapt to love with them” kind of air.
This book challenged me to think deeply for myself and that I appreciate.
May 5, 2011
I have three wonderful and beautiful daughters – well, just let me sing their praises now ‘coz I am their mom! :)) – and it is very important for me to be able to impart to them how to choose their future spouses. Even when my eldest was just a baby, I have already begun praying for her future spouse and I continued to do that till now and will keep on doing so with all my children.
Preparing To Be a Help Meet by Debi Pearl is a book for young Christian girls who would like to prepare themselves for when they get married. It is also a good book for married women and mothers who would like to help their daughters get ready for marriage. It is filled with several stories of women talking about their courtship, their wedding, the problems they went through and how they found the man that they lived with happily ever after. The book are mostly stories of other women so the lessons are also mostly practical.
First, let me tell you about its beautiful cover and the graphics inside the book. The cover is white and pink with a pink heart ribbon. This theme is carried through all the pages inside. I feel that this makes the book more interesting to read.
I like that she tells young women not to spend their time pining away waiting for the right guy to come along. Young women should, therefore, spend their time helping others in ministry, educating themselves, keeping themselves pure, keeping their time and their minds busy.
The chapters where she talks about the different personalities of men and their counterpart in women is also good and helpful. Here she talks about what young girls can do if they see a young man that might possibly become their husbands.
The chapter about girls meeting boys/men in internet chat rooms and text messages is very, very good. Young ladies should read this chapter so that they are not vulnerable to men who just want to take advantage of them.
The main point that I got from Preparing To Be a Help Meet is that young girls should spend their time wisely while they are young. She should not spend it waiting for her prince charming to come along. And I agree with the author about this.
At the end of the book, there is a study on every chapter. The study is meant to be used as a guide for teaching girls on how to become the help meet of a man’s dream.
Although there are verses included throughout the whole book, I felt that the teaching was based mostly on the people’s stories. The “meat” I was looking for, that is in learning more about God’s love and plan for young girls, I did not get much of this.
So I can say that this book is full of practical helps and reminders from the Bible, but this should not be the only source book in teaching daughters and/or young women how to prepare to be a help meet.
Disclosure: I received this book for free from No Greater Joy Ministries in exchange for this review.
Preparing To Be a Help Meet by Debi Pearl is a book for young Christian girls who would like to prepare themselves for when they get married. It is also a good book for married women and mothers who would like to help their daughters get ready for marriage. It is filled with several stories of women talking about their courtship, their wedding, the problems they went through and how they found the man that they lived with happily ever after. The book are mostly stories of other women so the lessons are also mostly practical.
First, let me tell you about its beautiful cover and the graphics inside the book. The cover is white and pink with a pink heart ribbon. This theme is carried through all the pages inside. I feel that this makes the book more interesting to read.
I like that she tells young women not to spend their time pining away waiting for the right guy to come along. Young women should, therefore, spend their time helping others in ministry, educating themselves, keeping themselves pure, keeping their time and their minds busy.
The chapters where she talks about the different personalities of men and their counterpart in women is also good and helpful. Here she talks about what young girls can do if they see a young man that might possibly become their husbands.
The chapter about girls meeting boys/men in internet chat rooms and text messages is very, very good. Young ladies should read this chapter so that they are not vulnerable to men who just want to take advantage of them.
The main point that I got from Preparing To Be a Help Meet is that young girls should spend their time wisely while they are young. She should not spend it waiting for her prince charming to come along. And I agree with the author about this.
At the end of the book, there is a study on every chapter. The study is meant to be used as a guide for teaching girls on how to become the help meet of a man’s dream.
Although there are verses included throughout the whole book, I felt that the teaching was based mostly on the people’s stories. The “meat” I was looking for, that is in learning more about God’s love and plan for young girls, I did not get much of this.
So I can say that this book is full of practical helps and reminders from the Bible, but this should not be the only source book in teaching daughters and/or young women how to prepare to be a help meet.
Disclosure: I received this book for free from No Greater Joy Ministries in exchange for this review.
June 10, 2016
Not my favorite book on godly relationship advice. The stories were funny and heartwarming. However, I did not agree with all the stances the authors took, or the way some of their opinions were presented. However, their categories for men and women are very accurate and have been helpful. That was my favorite takeaway.
August 15, 2025
I had heard SO many things about this book before I read it, so I really tried to keep an open mind and read with a lot of prayer and discernment! I will explain the things I loved about it, as well as what I didn't.
First off, the things I loved.....
*This book is full of a lot of really practical things that girls need to think of before being married. I love that there are so many specific things mentioned, as so many resources are very vague. The author is very honest with you, and I know a lot of girls probably really need that because they haven't been taught or even considered many things.
*Everything is KJV, which I really appreciated.
*I love how she shares many stories of how people met/how their story unfolded. Not only were a lot of the stories really sweet, but it gave a lot to learn from good choices as well as bad ones. They share stories both of people who did things wisely and people who did not. There was a lot to learn from these real-life stories!
*Adding to that, I also really appreciate how this wasn't giving you a formula for how every relationship will look. They give you a lot of principles through these stories. but it is never "Here is the step-by-step formula for dating."
Now for the things I didn't love....
*The whole section where she talks about the different types of men was one of the dumbest things I have ever read. She tried to say it was biblical, but I didn't see how it was biblical at all. It seemed to be a weird thing the author just came up with on her own. I could have skipped that whole section and been smarter for it.
*When talking of the different types of men, it seems to be implied that every problem could be solved if a woman would just realize that that is his personality and if she would just be obedient and reverent enough. I could see how this book in the hands of the wrong reader could really throw them off, especially if they swallow the message of this book whole with no guidance. It could be used to justify abusive behavior. However, you do see, in reading the stories of how people's love stories unfolded, that a lot of these men seem to adore the girl they met.
*There does seem to be a great emphasis on what the woman is expected to DO as a wife, like her worth and value is in her activity over her character. However, I also know that what you do is important and that a diligent wife is a wonderful thing. So many girls fall into laziness and passivity and probably do need that wake-up call to do something with their life. But I also can see how that can make a girl feel like her worth is in the wrong things.
*There was such an emphasis on what you should be and do as a woman and none on what the man should be or do. That could be a weakness of the book, BUT you also have to keep in mind that this is literally what the book is about. It wasn't written to men. However, I do think that when you write a book like this, there does need to be some clarifications along the way about what a godly man looks like...not to take away from the focus of the book, but just to keep it in balance so a girl doesn't read and come away with the conclusion that she will have a great marriage as long as she is submissive an obedient enough.
Overall, I think this book has a lot of good things to say, a lot of really good admonitions for single girls. I appreciate that it is really specific. SO many girls are given vague advice with no idea how to apply it. I see how so many people have gotten help from this book, but I also see how so many have walked away with a very jaded view of things. I think this book is not one you should just give to a young girl. i think, if a girl is given this book by an older, godly woman who is able to guide her through it and help her make the right implications and applications, it can be a greatly beneficial thing.
It's a book I am glad I read, as it gave me things to think about. But it's also a book I can see why others had issues with it, as there were some things that didn't sit well with me either. It is not a book I will write off, and I also will not write off the people who love it. But it's also a book I would have to recommend with some caution, and I can understand how some people aren't comfortable with it.
First off, the things I loved.....
*This book is full of a lot of really practical things that girls need to think of before being married. I love that there are so many specific things mentioned, as so many resources are very vague. The author is very honest with you, and I know a lot of girls probably really need that because they haven't been taught or even considered many things.
*Everything is KJV, which I really appreciated.
*I love how she shares many stories of how people met/how their story unfolded. Not only were a lot of the stories really sweet, but it gave a lot to learn from good choices as well as bad ones. They share stories both of people who did things wisely and people who did not. There was a lot to learn from these real-life stories!
*Adding to that, I also really appreciate how this wasn't giving you a formula for how every relationship will look. They give you a lot of principles through these stories. but it is never "Here is the step-by-step formula for dating."
Now for the things I didn't love....
*The whole section where she talks about the different types of men was one of the dumbest things I have ever read. She tried to say it was biblical, but I didn't see how it was biblical at all. It seemed to be a weird thing the author just came up with on her own. I could have skipped that whole section and been smarter for it.
*When talking of the different types of men, it seems to be implied that every problem could be solved if a woman would just realize that that is his personality and if she would just be obedient and reverent enough. I could see how this book in the hands of the wrong reader could really throw them off, especially if they swallow the message of this book whole with no guidance. It could be used to justify abusive behavior. However, you do see, in reading the stories of how people's love stories unfolded, that a lot of these men seem to adore the girl they met.
*There does seem to be a great emphasis on what the woman is expected to DO as a wife, like her worth and value is in her activity over her character. However, I also know that what you do is important and that a diligent wife is a wonderful thing. So many girls fall into laziness and passivity and probably do need that wake-up call to do something with their life. But I also can see how that can make a girl feel like her worth is in the wrong things.
*There was such an emphasis on what you should be and do as a woman and none on what the man should be or do. That could be a weakness of the book, BUT you also have to keep in mind that this is literally what the book is about. It wasn't written to men. However, I do think that when you write a book like this, there does need to be some clarifications along the way about what a godly man looks like...not to take away from the focus of the book, but just to keep it in balance so a girl doesn't read and come away with the conclusion that she will have a great marriage as long as she is submissive an obedient enough.
Overall, I think this book has a lot of good things to say, a lot of really good admonitions for single girls. I appreciate that it is really specific. SO many girls are given vague advice with no idea how to apply it. I see how so many people have gotten help from this book, but I also see how so many have walked away with a very jaded view of things. I think this book is not one you should just give to a young girl. i think, if a girl is given this book by an older, godly woman who is able to guide her through it and help her make the right implications and applications, it can be a greatly beneficial thing.
It's a book I am glad I read, as it gave me things to think about. But it's also a book I can see why others had issues with it, as there were some things that didn't sit well with me either. It is not a book I will write off, and I also will not write off the people who love it. But it's also a book I would have to recommend with some caution, and I can understand how some people aren't comfortable with it.
December 17, 2024
This book is hard to know how to review. If I had read it a few years ago, I would have enjoyed it much more, I think. It's written for girls younger than me, ones who are not already in a courtship. I found the formatting/design a little cluttered, and the material itself felt rather disorganized in parts of the book.
The tone feels somewhat preachy or condescending as well. It feels like Pearl is trying to give a formula for finding a husband, and, while most of the points will help in that, I don't think there is a 1-2-3 formula. We can't control God and His ways for us.
However. There are also some very valuable points, and I read a chapter or two a few years ago that really helped me where I was at then. Also, I am intrigued by the idea of men fitting loosely into the three categories of displaying the three persons of the Trinity.
I wish there was a little more about communication and partnership to balance the emphasis on submission.
The tone feels somewhat preachy or condescending as well. It feels like Pearl is trying to give a formula for finding a husband, and, while most of the points will help in that, I don't think there is a 1-2-3 formula. We can't control God and His ways for us.
However. There are also some very valuable points, and I read a chapter or two a few years ago that really helped me where I was at then. Also, I am intrigued by the idea of men fitting loosely into the three categories of displaying the three persons of the Trinity.
I wish there was a little more about communication and partnership to balance the emphasis on submission.
December 28, 2015
Updated Review:
While I do not claim to personally take hold of some of the Pearl's views and beliefs on different issues; I can say that the bulk of the information and advice in this book is very helpful, and encouraging, regardless of seeing eye to eye on specifics. It is definitely a helpful tool while thinking about marriage, and encourages young women to not waste their single years, but to be productive and actively preparing for your future!
Above review dated 12/27/16
Previously Written Review
This was a most excellent book by Debi Pearl! Every single lady should read it!!! This was my second time to read Preparing To Be A Helpmeet, and will probably not be the last! I read it back in 2010, and decided to re-read it since it was so good and a book that should be read more than once, in my opinion. I love this book for so many reasons. It's got a beautiful, feminine, pink layout and it packed full of godly wisdom and counsel on preparing to be a helpmeet.
There were many practical tips and advice in the book that I found very helpful, and Debi's godly encouragement was very inspiring. In this book Debi discusses praying for your future husband, the three "types" of men: Visionary/Prophet, Steady/Priest and Command/King, and the three "types" of women. The book is full of helpful advice not only from Debi, but three men have left comments on certain subjects which you can read throughout the book, and at the end of the book, three more men share their thoughts on what the look for in a wife, which I found very helpful. There are also lots of love stories/testimonies, some that were according to God's will and were blessed, others that went against God's will and the price they had to pay-both were a real eye opener and got me thinking. I really liked reading those testimonies since it's always nice to hear about what others have learned in this area, and I am able to learn from their mistakes.
Debi wrote on many subjects that relate to preparing to be a helpmeet including the dangers of online romance, knowledge, how to prepare a non-stessful, simple wedding, subjects that are good to study before-hand such as gardening, cooking, etc, praying for your future husband, being able to identify the three types of men and know what to expect from each, being able to identify what type of girl you are and what type of man would compliment you, etc. Debi also spoke openly and honestly telling us readers how married life isn't all about romance, and how you have to expect hardships. But she also shares how to avoid those things and what you need to be in order to make a marriage work. For example, humble, submissive, thoughtful, self-sacrificial, etc.
Overall, I really enjoyed this book and give it a hearty 5 stars! I'd definitely encourage every young girl ages 13+ to read this book! It's a rare gem and very helpful!
While I do not claim to personally take hold of some of the Pearl's views and beliefs on different issues; I can say that the bulk of the information and advice in this book is very helpful, and encouraging, regardless of seeing eye to eye on specifics. It is definitely a helpful tool while thinking about marriage, and encourages young women to not waste their single years, but to be productive and actively preparing for your future!
Above review dated 12/27/16
Previously Written Review
This was a most excellent book by Debi Pearl! Every single lady should read it!!! This was my second time to read Preparing To Be A Helpmeet, and will probably not be the last! I read it back in 2010, and decided to re-read it since it was so good and a book that should be read more than once, in my opinion. I love this book for so many reasons. It's got a beautiful, feminine, pink layout and it packed full of godly wisdom and counsel on preparing to be a helpmeet.
There were many practical tips and advice in the book that I found very helpful, and Debi's godly encouragement was very inspiring. In this book Debi discusses praying for your future husband, the three "types" of men: Visionary/Prophet, Steady/Priest and Command/King, and the three "types" of women. The book is full of helpful advice not only from Debi, but three men have left comments on certain subjects which you can read throughout the book, and at the end of the book, three more men share their thoughts on what the look for in a wife, which I found very helpful. There are also lots of love stories/testimonies, some that were according to God's will and were blessed, others that went against God's will and the price they had to pay-both were a real eye opener and got me thinking. I really liked reading those testimonies since it's always nice to hear about what others have learned in this area, and I am able to learn from their mistakes.
Debi wrote on many subjects that relate to preparing to be a helpmeet including the dangers of online romance, knowledge, how to prepare a non-stessful, simple wedding, subjects that are good to study before-hand such as gardening, cooking, etc, praying for your future husband, being able to identify the three types of men and know what to expect from each, being able to identify what type of girl you are and what type of man would compliment you, etc. Debi also spoke openly and honestly telling us readers how married life isn't all about romance, and how you have to expect hardships. But she also shares how to avoid those things and what you need to be in order to make a marriage work. For example, humble, submissive, thoughtful, self-sacrificial, etc.
Overall, I really enjoyed this book and give it a hearty 5 stars! I'd definitely encourage every young girl ages 13+ to read this book! It's a rare gem and very helpful!
May 9, 2017
I really enjoyed her usual analysis of three types of men, The Command Man, The Visionary Man, and The Steady Man, as well as her additional commentary on three types of women. I appreciated the way she advises young women to "have a life" of their own and not just sit around waiting for "Prince Charming" to come and whisk them away to happily ever after. And I liked the way she recommended using the single years to focus on growing in the Lord and serving Him. This was one of my favorite quotes:
"Run fast and hard after Jesus and look to the left or the right
and marry the person who is at your side" (144).
Even though I liked some aspects of the book, I will not be handing it to Briana to read any time soon. For one thing, it seems to me it is for young ladies a little past her season in life. She is not ready to be married at this point, so while she is preparing in some senses to one day be a "suitable helper", she is preparing in different ways than this book focuses on. I think if a young lady reads lots of books like this too soon, it can create a sense of discontentment for the season of the single years that might lead to jumping into a relationship prematurely.
The main thing I didn't like about this book was some of the stories she told, especially those supporting her apparent philosophy that the Lord has a certain person who is "the right one" for each of us to marry. While I agree that the Lord knows who each of us will marry, I just can't find scriptural evidence that He has a specific person prepared for each individual and I certainly can't find evidence that He speaks to us and let's us know who is the "right one" He wants us to marry.
I once heard a speaker say something to the effect that if we are married, then that is the person the Lord wants us to be married to; if we aren't married, then He gives us guidelines (such as being equally yoked) regarding the type of person we should marry. I might be making too big of a deal of this, but I think we need to be careful not to buy into the idea that there is a "specific someone" we are supposed to find--our ideal soul mate.
I had a couple other issues with the book which I won't take time to go into right now, but would just recommend that a reader use discernment if you choose to read it and especially if you hand it to impressionable young ladies. Much of the book is good, however, so I hate to "throw the baby out with the bathwater" which results in my "mixed feelings" assessment.
"Run fast and hard after Jesus and look to the left or the right
and marry the person who is at your side" (144).
Even though I liked some aspects of the book, I will not be handing it to Briana to read any time soon. For one thing, it seems to me it is for young ladies a little past her season in life. She is not ready to be married at this point, so while she is preparing in some senses to one day be a "suitable helper", she is preparing in different ways than this book focuses on. I think if a young lady reads lots of books like this too soon, it can create a sense of discontentment for the season of the single years that might lead to jumping into a relationship prematurely.
The main thing I didn't like about this book was some of the stories she told, especially those supporting her apparent philosophy that the Lord has a certain person who is "the right one" for each of us to marry. While I agree that the Lord knows who each of us will marry, I just can't find scriptural evidence that He has a specific person prepared for each individual and I certainly can't find evidence that He speaks to us and let's us know who is the "right one" He wants us to marry.
I once heard a speaker say something to the effect that if we are married, then that is the person the Lord wants us to be married to; if we aren't married, then He gives us guidelines (such as being equally yoked) regarding the type of person we should marry. I might be making too big of a deal of this, but I think we need to be careful not to buy into the idea that there is a "specific someone" we are supposed to find--our ideal soul mate.
I had a couple other issues with the book which I won't take time to go into right now, but would just recommend that a reader use discernment if you choose to read it and especially if you hand it to impressionable young ladies. Much of the book is good, however, so I hate to "throw the baby out with the bathwater" which results in my "mixed feelings" assessment.
July 29, 2018
This book seemed aimed at younger, single ladies (I'm in my upper twenties and engaged) but still had relevant information.
Much of this book was stories of women who did relationships well or poorly and how they went right or wrong. This shows that love comes in all shapes and sizes. It comes at any time (19 years old or 34 years old and all over).
Mostly, this book was about not being anxious or trying to grab a guy because you (the woman) are impatient to find love or get married. There was a strong theme of, "Wait on God's timing," which is something we all need to be reminded. Other main points were about specific things women can do to seek and serve the Lord while waiting for marriage. Like, volunteering or learning crafts or skills or being hospitable. Basically, don't sit on the couch and twiddle your thumbs (and don't waste your time with unimportant things like video games or gossip). Be active!
I loved how evident it was that many, many people worked together on this book. There are the comments interjected by husbands explaining their side of a story or agreeing with that a joyful and thankful lady is attractive. There are the many stories and examples of women, men, and couples. There are many Bible verses interspersed through the chapters, too.
I read a negative review that said this book tells women that the role of a wife is all about her husband (or something like that). That is not what I read. Yet, if you do plan to get married, the husband is the leader. You'll work together, but his role is the head of the house (see Ephesians 5). Someone has to have that role. Her role is different. No, I don't claim to know how it all works (I'm engaged, please remember, not married). How else would this work? Give the husband 50% of the decisions and the wife 50% of the decisions? That looks like a disaster to me.
Anyway, my favorite chapters were those talking about the different types of men. God created us in His image.
So, we have the Kingly man, created in the image of God the Father. He will lead people and be bold. Then we have the Prophet man, created in the image of God the Holy Spirit. He will have many ideas and may jump from one scheme to the next. Then we have the Priestly man, created in the image of God the Son. He will be steady and helpful and practical.
This helped me understand my fiance a bit better and realize what he values in me and how I can complement his efforts instead of destroying them.
Much of this book was stories of women who did relationships well or poorly and how they went right or wrong. This shows that love comes in all shapes and sizes. It comes at any time (19 years old or 34 years old and all over).
Mostly, this book was about not being anxious or trying to grab a guy because you (the woman) are impatient to find love or get married. There was a strong theme of, "Wait on God's timing," which is something we all need to be reminded. Other main points were about specific things women can do to seek and serve the Lord while waiting for marriage. Like, volunteering or learning crafts or skills or being hospitable. Basically, don't sit on the couch and twiddle your thumbs (and don't waste your time with unimportant things like video games or gossip). Be active!
I loved how evident it was that many, many people worked together on this book. There are the comments interjected by husbands explaining their side of a story or agreeing with that a joyful and thankful lady is attractive. There are the many stories and examples of women, men, and couples. There are many Bible verses interspersed through the chapters, too.
I read a negative review that said this book tells women that the role of a wife is all about her husband (or something like that). That is not what I read. Yet, if you do plan to get married, the husband is the leader. You'll work together, but his role is the head of the house (see Ephesians 5). Someone has to have that role. Her role is different. No, I don't claim to know how it all works (I'm engaged, please remember, not married). How else would this work? Give the husband 50% of the decisions and the wife 50% of the decisions? That looks like a disaster to me.
Anyway, my favorite chapters were those talking about the different types of men. God created us in His image.
So, we have the Kingly man, created in the image of God the Father. He will lead people and be bold. Then we have the Prophet man, created in the image of God the Holy Spirit. He will have many ideas and may jump from one scheme to the next. Then we have the Priestly man, created in the image of God the Son. He will be steady and helpful and practical.
This helped me understand my fiance a bit better and realize what he values in me and how I can complement his efforts instead of destroying them.
May 19, 2014
OK: First and Foremost, I need to address something. I have read some reviews on different Christian-themed books that were suggested to people who did not appreciate the fact that they were recommended books that were "Christian", and that they would not have read these books if they had known that they were "Christian" first. That is your prerogative if such is the case. I would be inclined to suggest that you "not judge a book by its cover", but that is up to you. As I have stated in several of my other reviews, I AM A BIBLE-BELIEVING, GOD-FEARING, BORN-AGAIN CHRISTIAN, so my reviews will reflect that. If you click on my Shelves, you will see shelves dedicated to "Christian" books. Whether you pick up any of the books from those shelves to check out is up to you.
Now: "Preparing to be a Help Meet" IS a CHRISTIAN & BIBLE - themed book. (Note that it is on my "Christian Reading" shelf.)
While I cannot agree with everything that Mrs. Pearl says, There was quite a bit of insight in the book about the different mentalities of guys. It is an entertaining read, with comments by guys and some real suggestions that young (and not so young), single girls can apply to their lives before they ever get into a relationship.
Admittedly, I was initially concerned about how much of a "salt-in-the-open-wound-of-singleness" the book was going to be. But Mrs. Pearl's frank, conversational, and very down-to-earth REAL language is refreshing; and I felt more like I was sitting across the table with her having a one-on-one discussion with her regarding the topic. She covers everything, even candidly touching on the subject of birth control (after marriage, of course, but she suggests that women who plan on getting married and having children DO learn about the options that are out there and align with Biblical beliefs).
Like I said, I cannot agree with every single thing that the Pearls publish, but I did appreciate this book and the mentality behind it. Mrs. Pearl IS human, and thus her ideas may have flaws...MY ideas may have flaws, too (in fact, I'm pretty sure that they do <3)...and her readers are human too. So communication (here, it's reading) may not be perfect, but I would recommend this as something that single Christian girls, their mothers, and their mentors should read and think about. It has many good points and conversation topics.
Now: "Preparing to be a Help Meet" IS a CHRISTIAN & BIBLE - themed book. (Note that it is on my "Christian Reading" shelf.)
While I cannot agree with everything that Mrs. Pearl says, There was quite a bit of insight in the book about the different mentalities of guys. It is an entertaining read, with comments by guys and some real suggestions that young (and not so young), single girls can apply to their lives before they ever get into a relationship.
Admittedly, I was initially concerned about how much of a "salt-in-the-open-wound-of-singleness" the book was going to be. But Mrs. Pearl's frank, conversational, and very down-to-earth REAL language is refreshing; and I felt more like I was sitting across the table with her having a one-on-one discussion with her regarding the topic. She covers everything, even candidly touching on the subject of birth control (after marriage, of course, but she suggests that women who plan on getting married and having children DO learn about the options that are out there and align with Biblical beliefs).
Like I said, I cannot agree with every single thing that the Pearls publish, but I did appreciate this book and the mentality behind it. Mrs. Pearl IS human, and thus her ideas may have flaws...MY ideas may have flaws, too (in fact, I'm pretty sure that they do <3)...and her readers are human too. So communication (here, it's reading) may not be perfect, but I would recommend this as something that single Christian girls, their mothers, and their mentors should read and think about. It has many good points and conversation topics.
January 17, 2018
Overall, useful. But some parts were rediculous!
I really don't like how the author talks about men. I think it sounds terrible. Your "honey," your "man," "sweetie," no one actually calls their husbands that right?
I also didn't like that she's so focused on "what guys like" that she kind of forgets that girls are people too. "Guys hate girls who complain" - everyone hates everyone who complains... it's not exclusive.
But... there are redeeming qualities.
A lot of the advice is very practical and easy to implement. It makes sense and I see where she gets it from. I like that she talks about girls learning as much as they can on many subjects, because it'll be useful later in life. I like that she even provides a book list.
The stories are great:
I can relate to several of them (as a Christian single girl) and it's fabulous to know I'm not alone.
I also love that she talks about being a helpful person, taking charge, and just going out and doing what needs to be done (and she mentions that the right people will notice it). Like, that's so encouraging.
At times I feel that she is not a "help meet" or a friend to her husband, but instead a shadow of him. When she tells her earlier story, she has a personality, a life. Later in the book when she's teaching about being a help meet, I just don't see her anymore. She's scraps of what her husband is and I don't think that's right. We all participate in ministry and help out where we can before marriage, and once we get married, we're not just supposed to stop. Sure we can change ministries or do other things - but that's the thing - we still do something. For some it's raising children, others go on missions with their husbands. And everyone has a personality. Sure it changes but I feel like her's dissapeared.
Although I have to say, she's heavily reliant on the Bible in all her instructions on what to do and I really respect that. I think that is very important.
So, in the end, useful, but I think maybe someone else should have written the book.
I really don't like how the author talks about men. I think it sounds terrible. Your "honey," your "man," "sweetie," no one actually calls their husbands that right?
I also didn't like that she's so focused on "what guys like" that she kind of forgets that girls are people too. "Guys hate girls who complain" - everyone hates everyone who complains... it's not exclusive.
But... there are redeeming qualities.
A lot of the advice is very practical and easy to implement. It makes sense and I see where she gets it from. I like that she talks about girls learning as much as they can on many subjects, because it'll be useful later in life. I like that she even provides a book list.
The stories are great:
I can relate to several of them (as a Christian single girl) and it's fabulous to know I'm not alone.
I also love that she talks about being a helpful person, taking charge, and just going out and doing what needs to be done (and she mentions that the right people will notice it). Like, that's so encouraging.
At times I feel that she is not a "help meet" or a friend to her husband, but instead a shadow of him. When she tells her earlier story, she has a personality, a life. Later in the book when she's teaching about being a help meet, I just don't see her anymore. She's scraps of what her husband is and I don't think that's right. We all participate in ministry and help out where we can before marriage, and once we get married, we're not just supposed to stop. Sure we can change ministries or do other things - but that's the thing - we still do something. For some it's raising children, others go on missions with their husbands. And everyone has a personality. Sure it changes but I feel like her's dissapeared.
Although I have to say, she's heavily reliant on the Bible in all her instructions on what to do and I really respect that. I think that is very important.
So, in the end, useful, but I think maybe someone else should have written the book.
May 17, 2024
Când am luat cartea pentru prima data în mână și am citit titlul mi-am spus "voi avea nevoie de ea mai tarziu". Am trecut la următoarele cărți și mi-a venit gândul urmator: "Dacă nu e prea devreme sa te rogi pentru viitorul tău soț, de ce ar fi prea devreme să te pregătești pentru a fi o bună viitoare soție?"
M-am întors și am cumpărat cartea. Tot ce pot spune e ca a fost o decizie foarte bună.
Dumnezeu mi-a vorbit intr-un mod minunat prin paginile acestei cărți. Mi-a tras câteva semnale de alarma și am înțeles scopul meu în prezent și pentru viitor.
Sa fii ajutorul potrivit nu este un lucru ușor , ci necesita multa munca și rugăciune, asa ca, nu, nu e prea devreme sa te pregătești pentru asta. Recomand cartea din toată inima <33
When I first picked up the book and read the title I said to myself "I'll need it later". I moved on to the following books and the following thought occurred to me: "If it is not too early to pray for your future husband, why would it be too early to prepare yourself to be a good future wife?"
I went back and bought the book. All I can say is that it was a very good decision.
God spoke to me in a wonderful way through the pages of this book. It raised some alarm bells for me and I understood my purpose now and for the future.
Being the help meet is not an easy thing, but requires a lot of work and prayer, so, no, it is not too early to prepare for it. I recommend the book wholeheartedly <33
M-am întors și am cumpărat cartea. Tot ce pot spune e ca a fost o decizie foarte bună.
Dumnezeu mi-a vorbit intr-un mod minunat prin paginile acestei cărți. Mi-a tras câteva semnale de alarma și am înțeles scopul meu în prezent și pentru viitor.
Sa fii ajutorul potrivit nu este un lucru ușor , ci necesita multa munca și rugăciune, asa ca, nu, nu e prea devreme sa te pregătești pentru asta. Recomand cartea din toată inima <33
When I first picked up the book and read the title I said to myself "I'll need it later". I moved on to the following books and the following thought occurred to me: "If it is not too early to pray for your future husband, why would it be too early to prepare yourself to be a good future wife?"
I went back and bought the book. All I can say is that it was a very good decision.
God spoke to me in a wonderful way through the pages of this book. It raised some alarm bells for me and I understood my purpose now and for the future.
Being the help meet is not an easy thing, but requires a lot of work and prayer, so, no, it is not too early to prepare for it. I recommend the book wholeheartedly <33
January 10, 2015
I read this book alongside an amazing woman who started mentoring me. The author is a crazy Conservative Christian and unashamedly so - so you have to take everything with a grain of salt, and bring it back to the Bible. I don't think this is a book for non-Christians, at all. You will not respect what she has to say if you don't believe in the Bible. However, if you are someone searching for how to serve and honor God and to try and prepare for a God-honoring marriage, I think this is an amazing book. I didn't agree with everything she had to say about a woman's role in the household, but if you read everything with an open mind and consider what she says, I think you will walk away with a lot of wisdom.
I will say, my one big criticism is that many of the stories seem very romanticized and far-fetched. It was hard for me to read these really unique love stories and understand how that situation could apply to me when my story was nothing like that - but I think the author does well with extracting wisdom from each story and applying it to varies situations.
In short: This book will not be for everyone. The people who will get something out of it, I think will get a lot from it. I did, at least.
I will say, my one big criticism is that many of the stories seem very romanticized and far-fetched. It was hard for me to read these really unique love stories and understand how that situation could apply to me when my story was nothing like that - but I think the author does well with extracting wisdom from each story and applying it to varies situations.
In short: This book will not be for everyone. The people who will get something out of it, I think will get a lot from it. I did, at least.
September 22, 2011
The theme of the book is godly submission… helping unmarried ladies focus on character building that will help the transition to submission. She identifies three main types of men: the prophet, the priest, and the king. She then goes on to describe how each of these men tend to operate (the prophet tends to be entrepreneurial and creative type; the priest tends to be more quiet and servant in nature; and the king tends to be much more of a leader), and how each of these is a distinct part of Who God is. It was a really neat analogy that I’ve never heard before. (Btw, A is a priestly type.)
Another thing she touches on that showed me a new perspective was that of the wedding. She encourages ladies to not put too much effort into the wedding. Make it simple, she says, but focus the week before your wedding NOT on the wedding details but on resting for the following week. She suggests that the first week of marriage is the most taxing for the wife and that it is important to start your marriage off right. Don’t allow the stress of the wedding to overflow into your first week of marriage.
This book is a great read. I hope to put it on my shelf someday so my daughter(s) can read it.
Another thing she touches on that showed me a new perspective was that of the wedding. She encourages ladies to not put too much effort into the wedding. Make it simple, she says, but focus the week before your wedding NOT on the wedding details but on resting for the following week. She suggests that the first week of marriage is the most taxing for the wife and that it is important to start your marriage off right. Don’t allow the stress of the wedding to overflow into your first week of marriage.
This book is a great read. I hope to put it on my shelf someday so my daughter(s) can read it.
January 14, 2012
This was my third or fourth reread in about a year and a half. I love this book. God speaks to me through it no matter how many times I read it, and it never gets dull.
***
I had read many good things about this book, so finally I just ordered it from Amazon. After reading the first chapter, I felt like someone had knocked me over the head with something (something very large and heavy). And I mean that in the best way. Every single chapter has been opening my eyes. To how very unprepared I am for marriage (good grief, as someone who wants to be a homemaker, how I hate to write that! :). Because that's what this whole book is about.
"Preparing to Be a Help Meet" is very practical and instead of making me feel hopeless, it actually motivated me and inspired me. It comes highly recommended from me.
***
I had read many good things about this book, so finally I just ordered it from Amazon. After reading the first chapter, I felt like someone had knocked me over the head with something (something very large and heavy). And I mean that in the best way. Every single chapter has been opening my eyes. To how very unprepared I am for marriage (good grief, as someone who wants to be a homemaker, how I hate to write that! :). Because that's what this whole book is about.
"Preparing to Be a Help Meet" is very practical and instead of making me feel hopeless, it actually motivated me and inspired me. It comes highly recommended from me.
May 24, 2013
I appreciated a lot of the concepts and principles presented in this book, but the presentation and stories seemed unnecessarily "weird" in some ways and that was a distraction for me. It was an interesting blend of good information, unusual (and so often unhelpful and confusing) examples, and undeveloped ideas and principles. My sense was that if you're already well-grounded biblically and want encouragement it could provide some of that, but it's not a good foundational book because of the lack of clarity.
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