Six Ways to Keep the "Little" in Your Girl: Guiding Your Daughter from Her Tweens to Her Teens

by Dannah Gresh, Fern Nichols (Foreword)

Bestselling author, speaker, and founder of the Secret Keeper Girl conferences, Dannah Gresh shares with moms the secret to helping today’s girls grow up confident, grace-filled, and strong in their faith. Studies show that the foundation for an emotionally healthy teen girl is built between the ages of 8-12 and that a good relationship with mom is one of the most important factors. So when the world wants girls to grow up too fast, how does a mother help her young daughter navigate the stormy waters of boy-craziness, modesty and body image, media, Internet safety, and more? With a warm, transparent style, Dannah Gresh shares six ways a mom can help protect and guide her daughter, This wonderful resource also provides moms a Connection IQ Inventory to test their mom- daughter relationship, creative and fun activities to do together, and Scriptures for the mom to pray for her daughter.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Christian, Christian Non Fiction, Self Help, Family, Faith

176 pages, Paperback

First published September 1, 2010

About the author

Dannah Gresh, a mother/daughter communication coach, has sold well over three quarters of a million copies of her books—including And the Bride Wore White and 2008's best-selling CBA youth book, Lies Young Women Believe (coauthored with Nancy Leigh DeMoss)—making her one of the most successful Christian authors targeting teens and preteens. With the belief that today's culture has been seeking to rob little girls of their innocence, Dannah has been fighting on the front lines to protect them. Her fun line of Secret Keeper Girl mom/preteen daughter connecting resources and live events that tour the country provide moms with just the right tools to fight back. She has long been at the forefront of the movement to encourage both tweens and teens to pursue purity and is often called upon to defend the conservative position of abstinence in national news media like USA Today, Time, Chicago Tribune, and Women's Wear Daily. She is also a frequent contributor to FamilyLife Today, Midday Connection, and Focus on the Family. Dannah lives in State College, Pennsylvania, with her husband, Bob, and their children, Robby, Lexi, and Autumn, whom the family adopted from China in 2007. She and her husband founded Grace Prep, a new model in Christian high school education, which Bob administrates. She is shamelessly in love with her labradoodle, Stormie. (DannahGresh.com)

Reviews

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book had a few great ideas and suggestions. Written as a light read with a lot of references to the bible and Christian beliefs, it was written with the mindset of one mom giving another mom some words of advice. Here are my notes to remember from the book:

#1 Give her the right doll to play with
The need for toys has been created by the industry. Kids don’t “need” anything to play with and they play best when all of their toys don’t define play for them. They will find props they need without all the packaged toys. Pg. 69

Barbies and Bratz are the top selling brands to girls age 8-12 years. When girls play with cute, nonsexual dolls, they tend to let imaginative play loose. They role-play and create. When girls play with dolls that have a more seductive or beauty based nature, they tend to be more confined in their imaginative play. Their play leans more toward “seduce the boy.” The more a girl plays this way, the more she’ll focus on looks and coquettish behavior and the less time she will spend doing open-ended activities. American Psychological Association singled Bratz dolls as harmful in their 2007 report on the sexualization of girls. Pg. 71

#2 Celebrate her body

Give her cute gift bag with all the items she’ll need as she matures including a small zip bag to carry in her backpack. Focus on the positive.

#3 Unplug her from a plugged in world

In 2005 Madonna announced that she does not allow her 9 year old and 5 year old to watch TV despite the fact she has created the raunchiest and most controversial moments in television history. She states “my kids don’t watch tv, TV is trash. I was raised without it. We don’t have magazines or newspapers in the house either.” (also stating several quotes where music performers shelter their kids from their own music and tv because of the negative influence it has). Pg. 91

In speaking about tv shows targeted towards tweens “the most sensational scenarios are not what’s robbing our little girls of their innocence. It’s the slow drip of value-ingraining shows where girls dress up and go on dates, and are little girls and pressed to identify with older, more mature characters and life scenarios. Pg. 93

Set time limits for electronics

Ask open ended questions that help her think about the tv show you are watching together “Do you ever wonder why (characters name) has so many clothes? I’ve never seen her wear the same thing twice!” Opening the conversation about the illusion of fashion and beauty on tv. Then be able to state “it would be fun to have an unlimited wardrobe like (characters name) that she gets from the producers for free. But I think there are better things to do with your money than buy clothes. Can you think of any?”

#4 Unbrand her when the world tries to buy and sell her

Fashion tests for checking modesty in clothing (reaching high in the sky to see if there is too much belly showing), bending over (can you see underpants or is my shirt to low cut?) pg. 111

#5 Become the carpool queen

Be willing to drive and volunteer everywhere. Get involved with her friends and get to know them. I loved a comment the authors mom once said to her “bring a bucket of thoughts and we’ll empty them.” Pg. 121

#6 Dream with her about her prince

50% of 16 year old girls are sexually active. 68% of Christian girls said they would be happier if they had a boyfriend. Pg. 135

When talking to your daughter about boys and being boy crazy- positive messages are more potent than negative messages. Read the book “The Princess and The Kiss” by Jennie Bishop. Pg. 137

Start talking about dating standards your family has when they are 8.

Chocolate chip cookie dough pops (roll cookie dough, place on a toothpick, then freeze. Once frozen, dip in melted chocolate. Chill, then serve). Pg. 152

[Nadia Williams · Rating 1 out of 5]

I never want to get married and I am not playing on saving myself for a man I never met. I owe nothing to strangers. This book seems to be the lovechild of toxic masculinity and misogyny. I felt as though I was transported back to the 1920s where I would’ve just been a pretty face. Furthermore, I believe this book has messed up priorities. A woman’s purpose in life is NOT to save herself for a man, it’s NOT to get married, and it’s NOT to have kids. Those are choices, not requirements. Her only priority should be her happiness. If settling down and starting a family makes her happy then that’s great. However, if she has no plans to marry or have kids and is focused on her career or something else, then that’s great too. Why would that make her less of a woman? It doesn’t. There is no “one way” to be female. Stop generalizing, stereotyping, and stop spreading misogyny.

[Ariana · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is one of the most disturbing things I've ever read, it promotes taking freedom away from your own child. This absolutely fills me with rage.

[Viola · Rating 1 out of 5]

Absolutely sickening book.
All it’s doing is teaching your daughter that she is owned by her future significant other. It’s trying to enforce the patriarchy as much as possible.
It’s also horribly sexualizing young girls.
What ever happened to letting kids be kids?

[Shannon · Rating 2 out of 5]

Reading this book proves true the saying "desperate times call for desperate measures." If parenting pre-teen daughters isn't a desperate time, I'm not sure what is. This book is the first parenting book I've read in my eleven years of parenting and it quickly reminded me of why I don't read parenting books. So many of them are written as if-then statements. If you do these things as a parent, then this will (or won't) happen. I believe that is, quite simply, a lie. Parenting is not an if-then statement. And books that lead us to believe it is are damaging - to parents who feel like failures when their children don't fit the mold - and to children who are damaged because their parents want them to fit the mold.

I nearly stopped reading this book when I hit page 26 and Gresh told me to think of her as my research assistant. She went on to explain all the research she's done for this book and ended the paragraph by saying, "I can to the heavy lifting, okay?" No. Not okay at all. They are my daughters and I'll do the heavy lifting when it comes to parenting them. How about you just try to share your ideas without being patronizing?

Right about now, you might be wondering why I finished this book. I partly finished it because I really am a bit desperate for ideas on how to connect with my daughters, let them grow up and simultaneously preserve their childhoods. It's not an easy task. And Gresh did ultimately offer a few suggestions that I felt made this book worth my time.

Here are what I thought were her best suggestions:
1) Create a girl basket for your daughter as her period approaches. Stock it with pads, tampons, chocolate, pain reliever and a note from you. I thought this was a great way to celebrate an impending event that many girls dread. (As a side note, we are also celebrating this event in our family by letting our daughters get their ears pierced after menarche.)

2) In her discussion of 1 Peter 3, Gresh suggests a rule of thumb for balancing focus on inner beauty and outer beauty: ask yourself (and your daughter) whether you are spending as much time with God as you spend looking in the mirror every morning. I'm not in the habit of primping a lot at this stage in my life, but I flashed back to hours in the mirror in high school and thought I could have used this concept to call my attention to where I was placing my value. It's also a highly practical tip that's easy to suggest to your daughter without being legalistic.

3) Gresh and her husband started preparing their daughters for marriage by dreaming with them about their husbands. For some special birthdays, they gave them something old (a handkerchief sewn by a grandmother), something blue (a bracelet with a blue jewel), etc. I really like this idea and think it would make my daughters' wedding days that much more meaningful. What I haven't figured out is how to incorporate this idea without making my daughters feel like their goal in life is to get married. (Which is NOT what I want them to think.)

So, should you read this book? Honestly, I think you're probably better off just using the ideas above. Unless you really love reading parenting books...

[Amybarker · Rating 4 out of 5]

I finished this book with perfect timing, as my daughter will by 8 next week - officially a “tween”! I enjoyed reading it and liked most of her practical suggestions. I did not find it too scary, which some parenting books are (especially Christian ones).

So in order to try to remember her tips, I will list the 6 ways here, and a few other things:

1. Give her the right dolls to play with. I also took this to mean the right toys in general, as well as saving the screen time for only once in a while.
2. Celebrate her Body by punctuating her period. While I’m not sure if I will be celebrating with her the day she gets her period, I am taking her point in this chapter to mean that I will be open and honest with her, and support and encourage her through the process of becoming a woman. I won’t shy away from the hard stuff, because that’s what she needs the most from me.
3. Unplug her from a plugged-in world. This includes age-appropriate tv shows and movies, research ahead of time and explaining why you are doing this and what our values are, watching things together and then discussing any questionable content, and talking about what true beauty is, verses what the world says beauty is.
4. Unbranded her when the world tries to buy and sell her. This chapter was on modesty and was probably my least favorite. I’m still trying to decide what to teach my daughter about modesty because I want her to be happy in her body, not feel ashamed, but also dress appropriately.
5. Become the carpool queen and sleepover diva. Basically, stay involved in your daughters’ life and get to know her friends, too. A point that I liked was that you CAN influence who your daughter is friends with, but inviting certain friends over and not others, etc.
6. Dream with her about her prince. This chapter is on dating rules, and probably would change with different families and circumstances.

I feel like the gist of all these chapters is staying connected with your daughter (which the author discusses a lot). Talk to her, spend time with her, be open and honest when necessary, know her friends, watch TV together. The key being “connectedness”.

And finally, she devotes a chapter to prayer, which is probably the most important parenting tool we have. We can keep trying and reading and connecting, but we’ll still mess up. And God can still redeem.

[Kristen · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a blessing to have this book! After having a little scare with a choice my eight year old was wanting to make I pulled this book off my shelf (Yes, I'm a nerd. I already bought this book way before I needed it). I was pleased to see the Biblical reasons for us to protect our daughters. I had feared that I may have put rules in place that were more legalistic than Biblical. After reading this book and seeing scriptures that I had forgotten about, I was encouraged by the choices I had made. I was glad I followed my hunch, but was more excited that I was following God's plan for my daughter. Mrs. Gresh shares a lot of great principles and she herself will admit that her girls need to still choose to follow these principles. We are not held accountable for how our daughters turn out but we are held accountable for what we pour or do not pour into them. This is a great read for anyone who has a daughter between the ages 8-12. I will also recommend Mrs. Gresh's devotional. My daughter and I just went through a few of them and I was amazed at how much my daughter shared and confessed to me. It's been a great time of sharing God's truth with her.

[Camden · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a totally random grocery store find but it turned out to be JUST what I was looking for (if you know what I mean) and I was intrigued through the whole thing. In many ways Dannah Gresh reaffirms much of what I'm already trying to do to keep my girls little and from growing up too fast. But she has some even more conservative views than I do, about dating etc. I thought this book was fantastic. She gives some really good talking points so that little girls can grow up with a really healthy view of their bodies, sex, dating, boys etc. I was able to pat myself on the back for a few things and then consider some new ideas. Totally recommended for any mom of girls. (wouldn't hurt for moms of boys either--or women who work with kids at all.......!)

[Maureen · Rating 2 out of 5]

Pretty meh. I'd love someone to write a book that doesn't demonize culture and promotes teaching our kids how to use discernment and wisdom as they interact with the culture we live in. This is not that book.

I take responsibility for having the wrong expectation but I was disappointed nonetheless. I just don't think sequestering our kids from culture is the answer and that's what I walked away with after reading this book. There are some practical suggestions that I benefited from and appreciated.

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Awesome book! I got some real, down-to-earth advice on how to protect and preserve my daughter in a world that wants to cheapen and exploit her. I feel well-armed and ready to face the battle of keeping her unplugged from society and plugged into God's Kingdom. Thanks, Dannah, for writing such a powerful guide for us mothers of daughters!

[Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful book! The introduction lays out a compelling vision for staying connected to our daughters, and the critical importance of laying specific foundations in the tween years. I love the age-appropriate guidance for beating "the culture" to the punch while still protecting her childhood. What an encouragement. I know many, many moms I will share this book with!

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm glad I read this. My biggest takeaway is to give my daughter a pre-first-period gift basket filled with pads, body spray, chocolate, a body book, etc to prepare her for it. I recommend this book.

[Sara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful and timely. I am so glad I read this book while my oldest is nine. I could have read it at eight! I loved everything about this book.

[Mindy]

A must read for moms!!

[Bonnie Palmer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excellent book! If you're a mom of girls between ten and 15, this is a great resource.

[linecaro · Rating 4 out of 5]

Enfocandome en lo que lei en los primeros chapters. El libro da un sondeo primeramente physico y material de el crecimiento natural de el cuerpo humano. De el desarrollo espiritual, Moral y Motor de los ninos a la edad de 8 a 12 anos, la edad de los preadolescentes. Tambien, Especifica y habla de la maternidad y de como yo, como Madre, puedo guiar a mis hijas a la manera de Dios, especifica los valores que le debo inculcar durante las etapas de su vida. Y como herramienta, me ayuda a identificar oportunidades mediante de ejemplos, como puedo yo hacerlo a la manera de ella misma. Osea en el mundo actual en el que vivimos
El autor da demasiadas herramientas. Es decir. Muchos nombres de libros, websites, lugares, etc, que yo podria buscar para adherir informacion como madre. Es decir links para Madres que oran unidas por una razon especifica alrededor de el mundo, si no encuentran una persona para hacerlo inmediatamente. Es lo que en CBNJ nosotros llamamos un guarda espiritual. Alguien que deberia ser Nuestra Madre. Tambien habla de lo bueno que es de siempre buscar direccion con otros quien han salido victoriosos mientras se encontraban quizas en medio de las mismas situaciones que yo. Y si esta persona es Cristiana y comparte los mismos valores que yo, es aun mejor. El guarda espiritual no ocupa el lugar de la madre. Es simplemente un amigo, un guia, la extension de luz de nuestro pastor, quien es nuestro coach de vida, es quien te corrige y te ayuda mientras pasas por la prueba. Siempre es bueno, una vez aprender algo nuevo. Hablar con tu madre, para asi, fomentar la union y estrechar los lazos familiares. Puede ser que Mama, aprende algo nuevo por medio de la adolescente o viceversa. Enfocando la Comunicacion familiar. "Instruye al nino en su camino y aun cuando fuere Viejo, no se apartara de el" Proverbios 22:6
El libro te lleva a evaluarte como madre y te ayuda a ubicarte en que lugar, te da tu posicion, las areas que aun tienes que enfocarte para saber que valores aun debes a retomar, y o ensenar, te redirecciona. Confieso que solo me evalue como madre de mi hija menor de 11 anos puesto que ella es la unica preadolescente que tengo, y se encuentra en el limite a la adolescencia. Sin embargo, si realmente quiero que los lazos de la familia de 3 que hasta ahora tengo se estrechen. Creo que es mi deber volverme a evaluar como madre, Para mi Adolescente de 14 anos, puesto que la evaluacion no especifica la edad de el nino, simplemente te ubica para ver en que nivel estoy yo como Madre. Es personal. Enfoque y Direccion. Este capitulo abre muchas puertas para reenfocar y/o redireccionar. Nuestro lugar en la Familia de Dios como parte de la iglesia de Cristo. Prioridades, Deberes, limites. Etc.
Manera #1: Munecas apropiadas para jugar: Aqui me perdi, A los 12 anos ya mi hija no juega con munecas. Pero si me ubico, en sus amistades, y en lo que a ella le gusta hacer. Clases que ella podria desarrollar, y actividades en las que podria involucrarse. Esto es a la manera de ella.
A la manera de Dios: "Querido hermano, No imites lo malo si no lo bueno. El que hace lo bueno es de Dios, el que hace lo malo No a visto a Dios." 3 Juan 3:11
Valor especial: Dominio Propio. :"ESPERAR en el senor", confieso, que este valor, hasta yo misma necesito desarrollarlo. Demasiadas preocupaciones me enfocan a comer y a llenar mi estomago, la carne, para calmar mi ansiedad. La ansiedad no me permite pensar mucho, pero actuar rapidamente y me lleva a tomar decisiones que a veces pienso que son erradas. Como vez, es un valor que no solo debo aplicar yo. Pero que es mi deber ensenarles a ellas. Aun necesito discernimiento para desarrollarlo
Manera #2: Celebra su cuerpo y senala su periodo.
A la manera de Dios: "Tu creaste mis entranas; me formaste en el vientre de mi madre. Te alabo porque soy una creacion admirable!" Salmo 139:13-14
Valores Fundamentales: Verdadera Belleza, Amor por la maternidad.
A la manera de ella: Cuando mi hija Karla se desarrollo, yo no estuve con ella. Pero creo que le di el regalo indicado puesto es lo que el libro dio como referencia. Un bolsito pequeno para que ella pudiera llevar alli, una toalla sanitaria, un brillo de labios y cualquier otra cosa ella quiere. Sin embargo. No hubo mucha comunicacion. Mi enfoque no fue el correcto. El libro me llevo a redireccionar, y a pensar y poner en oracion, para que Dios abre una puerta, en la que yo pueda reenfocar a mis dos hijas, acerca de la forma correcta. La forma de Dios. Dentro de este capitulo, hay temas muy importantes, que NECESITO reenfocar, puesto que es justo aqui, donde puedo cerrar muchas puertas al enemigo y ahorrarme las preocupaciones. Pido Oracion en esta area. Para que Dios me proporcione un momento privado y de intimidad con mis hijas y poder hablarles de esto.
Manera # 3: Desconecta la de la conexion con el mundo. Justo esta manana, perdi en mi casa senal con internet. Y es justo cuando ella, la mayor adolescente. Se va a un partido de Lacrosse, En la escuela. LAs actividades extracurriculares son importantes, una vez ellas, las 2 sepan distribuir su tiempo. Prioridades, y la importancia de el tiempo en Familia. No se si estoy equivocada en esta, el orden correcto en responsabilidades es: Dios. La escuela, La familia, la familia de Cristo en la iglesia actividades extracurriculares. Tambien abre una puerta para infundir valores, modestia, manejo de el tiempo, etc... es algo lo cual yo misma tengo que aprender a utilizar de la forma correcta. Responsabilidades, prioridades e influencias de el mundo. Internet y l tiempo consumido, la influencia recibida por medio de este. (A la manera de ella)
Manera de Dios: "Destruimos argumentos y toda altivez que se levanta contra el conocimiento de Dios, y llevamos cautivo too pensamiento para que se someta a Cristo" 2 Corintios 10:5
Valores Fundamentales: Discernimiento y Obediencia
Manera #5: Conviertete en la reina de el transporte compartido y en la reina de las pijamadas.
Este capitulo me abrio los ojos en muchas areas que mi hija mayor si a desarrollado por cuenta de sus buenas relaciones y amistades, Gracias a Dios, a recibido buenas influencias por parte de sus amistades que no vienen a la iglesia y que son Americanas. Pero a la vez, creo que a desenfocada de alguna forma el proposito de nuestra vision. Es decir: el hecho de ser americanas y el invitar personas que hablan otro idioma a la iglesia, las limita en sus capacidades para desarrollar la obra, dentro de la vision de CBNJ. Esto es mi sentir en cuanto a mis dos hijas. Puesto que o misma me siento asi. La gran mayoria de mis amistades tienes el idioma ingles como primera lengua.
Este capitulo abre puertas para enfocar en las limitaciones y capacidades que tenemos como hijos de Dios. Y por tanto, set limits en mi familia. (A la manera de ella)
A la manera de Dios: "El que anda con sabios, Sabio sera, pero la compania de los necios traera dolor." Proverbios 13:20
Valores que se forman: Sabiduria, presion positiva de grupo.
Manera #6 : Suena con ella sobre su principe:
Este chapter fue la revolucion completa para mi. Puesto cuando el libro daba de ejemplo orar con tu hija por su principe azul. Yo misma desee orar por mi Principe azul. Es mas, alguna vez lo hice. Fue como un llamado para MI, por cuanto por ese principe llegaran muchas bendiciones a la vida de nosotras. Llore Lina, Haba de el yugo desigual y todas aquellas preocupaciones tengo con mis hijas, especialmente la adolescente. Este libro, fue disenado para las preadolescentes y alli fue donde commence a re-enfocarlo, sin embargo me a llevado a Evaluarme y a orar en unidad con mis hijos, lo cual no tenemos. Recuerdo, Alguna vez, cuando mi Adolescente estuvo pequena, le alcance a hablar a mi hija acerca de Orar juntas por ese principe azul que vendria a nuestras vidas a rescatarnos, nuestra unidad como familia, y me siento defraudada, al mismo tiempo siento que yo misma las e defraudado, porque la vida y sus afanes me llevaron a no ESPERAR por ese principe. Nunca antes nadie se sento a hablarme de valores como estos. De esperar. De amor, de sexo, Siempre todo esto fue de una forma negativa, recibido e influenciado por el mundo, ahora le pido a Dios que me habra una puerta para yo en sabiduria redireccionar para cambiar ese pasado. Quiero hacerlo a la forma de Dios y ser de ejemplo con mi vida, a mis hijas. Pero no se ni por donde comenzar. En este capitulo, el libro aconseja a las madres solteras. Hablar con el padre de los ninos, acerca de los valores que se les estan ensenando a nuestros hijos. Asi no estemos juntos. Y confieso que no queria hacerlo, hable yo de una puerta tenebrosa, y esa es mi puerta tenebrosa que cerre y selle, para no causar yo misma mas dolor a mi, (Egoismo) pense solo en mi. Sin embargo. Hay miedos y temores que creo ahora, tengo que enfrentar, para poner las cosas claras. Es mas que lavar mis manos ante Dios, Es mi deber como madre hacerlo, para rescatar una vida a tiempo y llevarla a salvacion. Aun no tengo un plan, Dios me dara el plan adecuado. (A la manera mia, Dios siempre tiene un plan, un proposito para nosotros. "Si el senor, no edifica la casa,en vano se esfuerzan los albaniles" Salmo 127:1) Despues te contare en Update que paso.
A la manera de Dios: "Mujer ejemplar, donde se hallara? Es mas valiosa que las piedras preciosas! Su esposo confia plenamente en ella. Le es fuente de bien, no de mal, todos los dias de su vida." Proverbios 31:10-12
Valores centrales: Pureza Matrimonio
Finalmente el libro agradece. Y como Nina agradecida que soy yo, pues le doy gracias a mi Padre por haberse revelado en poder y majestad a TIEMPO para yo no cometer mas errores, pero para ser de bendicion a mis hijas, mi familia y otros. EL autor habla de 6 personas que influyeron en su vida para escribir el libro. Yo tambien hablo de unas cuantas. Le doy Gracias a Dios por tu vida Lina Montoya, Le doy Gracias a Dios por la vida de la hermana Enma Ramirez, Por la vida de mi Hermano Luis, por mi madre que a pesar de sus errores, se que me ama, Los bendigo. Gracias a mi abuela, porque fue sabia al elegir jugar en el equipo de Dios, y sacrifico su VIDA para que nosotros tambien conocieramos de el, mujer guerrera. Gracias a Dios por su Hijo Jesus, Mi redentor, Salvador Super Hero. Gracias por mi Iglesia y por mis pastores, Marcos y Monserrat Rios, Por ser tan perseverantes hacia los preteens y a la vision que Dios puso en el corazon de ellos. Yo soy una preteen tambien, y tambien soy parte de esta vision. GRACIAS

[Tanya · Rating 4 out of 5]

While there is definitely a strong Christian base to this book, it was helpful as a guide to help eight to twelve year old girls learn to celebrate their bodies and value themselves. I've already used some of the scenarios as a guide for talking to my own daughter. I think this is a practical book to approaching modesty despite peer pressure, dealing with the onslaught of media input and commercialism, and inspiring hope for a the future while establishing some reasonable dating "rules" and limiting the boy-craziness.

I would purchase this for my bookshelf to refer to again. I liked how each of the main six sections contained a page for "herstory," which was an opportunity to reflect how the passage read would apply to our situation - so it was customizable for the girl and the family circumstances rather than being a "cookie-cutter" approach to raising a 'tween girl.

Other books recommended by the author:
Bringing Up Girls by Dr. James Dobson
Fiver Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter by Vicki Courtney

Six ways:

1) Give her the right dolls to play with
It surprised me the recommendation about including dolls for younger daughters. Mine haven't really been into dolls, but it was something to think about - we could use it for role-playing and it could be a helpful tool. Polly Pockets and Groovy Girls were specifically recommended. When She said, "Prepare to say 'no'," I thought it was totally on-point to comment that if you can't say no to your children now when it "doesn't count," (e.g. buying certain clothes or toys or games) how are you going to say it when th stakes are higher - and you're competing with what "everyone does" then (having sex, doing drugs).

2) Celebrate her body by punctuating her period
Book recommendation: The Body Book: It's a God Thing by Nancy Rue
And talk about her period between age 8-10
A gift basket and mini-lesson may be helpful

3) Unplug her from a plugged in world
Prescreen media! www.pluggedinonline.com for movies, videos, music, television shows & electronic games
Ask a lot of questions as you watch and listen together, "I wonder why..... What do you think about that?" Or "it would be fun to xyz like so-and-so, but then again there are better things to do with your money/time/resources. Can you think of any?"
Filter recommendation for the family computer: www.safeeyes.com

4) Unbrand her when the world tries to buy and sell her
Truth or bare fashion tests:
a) raise and praise test (belly showing under the t-shirt?)
b) mirror, mirror test (panties showing when criss-cross applesauce?)
c) I see London, I see France (bend over and touch knees. Is it a plumber's view?)
d) Over and out test (bend at the waist. does cleavage show?)
e) Spring valley test (is my shirt too tight?)

5) Become the carpool queen and the sleepover diva
Make your home kid-friendly then create opportunities for friends to come to game or movie nights.
Another recommended organization: American Heritage Girls

6) Dream with her about her prince
Recommended handbook (OOP) for talking to kids about sex: Raising Sexually Pure Kids.
Another recommended book: The Princess and the Kiss by Jennie Bishop.
Remember positive messages are more potent than negative ones. Address issues of boy-craziness with questions. (e.g. make statement then follow-up with "What did you think of that?") Asking questions helps develop moral values & gives the parent a chance to respond to the child's emotions.
Suggested dating standards - group dates in high school; 1:1 at 16 with active parent participation in the planning and execution; no exclusive relationships until out of high school
Having the "big talk" before age 10 is strategic because it builds the trust early before peers become the most influential source of information and the child reaches the teen years and natural & desired
task of breaking away from parents.

We can most effectively coach our kids between ages 6-11.
From age 2-5 they are in the copycat phase and just follow our actions as consequentially; from age 6-11 is the counseling phase where the children consider beliefs and are most apt to be listening to us; from age 12 to adult the child is adjusting the belief system that has been established and is intentionally becoming independent from the parent and may not want to listen to them as much in this quest for independence

[Becki · Rating 5 out of 5]

Summary from B&N: Studies show that the foundation for an emotionally healthy teen girl is built between the ages of 8-12 and that a good relationship with mom is one of the most important factors. So when the world wants girls to grow up too fast, how does a mother help her young daughter navigate the stormy waters of boy-craziness, modesty and body image, media, Internet safety, and more? With a warm, transparent style, Dannah Gresh shares six ways a mom can help protect and guide her daughter, including:\n� help her celebrate her body in a healthy way\n� unbrand her when the world tries to buy and sell her\n� unplug her from a plugged-in world\n� dream with her about her prince, and more\nI think an excellent book for any parent of a tween � and the earlier you read it the better.\nDannah Gresch covers six key areas in protecting your daughter and guiding her in God�s way. Some of the areas covered are modesty, media, and body image. She pulls from both Biblical truth and secular studies as her basis.\nShe gives hope, encouragement, and guidance. And prayer and connecting with your daughter(s) is priority throughout. When you have connection and a strong relationship with your daughter, that helps you through the tween (and teen) years.\nMy application of the information is a bit of a challenge due to the nature of step-daughters and part-time parenting. But I did have the �talk� and will continue to discuss values and guide where I can. \nMy only complaint: I added 13 new books that were mentioned in the text to my �to read� list.\n\n

[Yakking Yogini · Rating 3 out of 5]

How to keep your precious little daughter from being ruined by the culture and media and turning her into a Lady Gaga wanna-be. Common sense stuff like watching TV shows *with* your daughter and asking her evaluative questions to make her think ("Why does Hannah Montana never seem to wear the same clothes twice? Is this a good way to spend her money?") Helping her to realize what a precious and beautiful body she has by giving her a gift basket to help her celebrate the day of her first period and it's ability to give future life (e.g. tampons or napkins, heating pad, Tylenol, chocolate). Giving her small gifts or tokens of wedding day jewelry (e.g. "something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue") to help her want to save her purity for her future husband and not enter marriage with a damaged heart. Ways to dress modestly even when current fashions are not so modest. Since this book is primarily for Christian moms, taking time to pray for your daughter and even for her future husband are other suggestions. Lots of book and website resources offered throughout the book, e.g. www.secretkeepergirl.com. This author just came out with another book called "Six Ways to Keep the "Good" in Your Boy". I wish I had been able to read that book when my son was a tween (8 to 12 year old) but he is now 16.

[Dana · Rating 5 out of 5]

My 8 year old has recently started asking some of the hard questions and not letting things go with just the most basic of answers. She has also started liking boys and asking about dating and kissing. I ordered this book and it has helped me realize that I am not alone. Little girls are growing up way to fast these days and it is our job as their mothers to help them grow up to be the women God wants them to be.

It also helped me realize that I let them have too much screen time and that I need to make myself more aware of what my daughter and her friends are watching a listening to these days. It had wonderful ideas for staying connected to my girl and keeping the lines of communication open.

I am now reading the companion "8 Great Dates" book. I plan on doing one of these dates a month with my little girl over the next 8 months..and after that we might just start them all over again!

[Danielle · Rating 3 out of 5]

This had some good ideas on how to stay connected to your daughter throughout childhood and tween life so that once she gets into puberty/teenage life, she's not falling into lots of trouble with boys and girl drama.

Some of the arguments against certain practices or activities were weak, a bit ill-logical and most likely tied to her Christian philosophy (which I have no problem with and in fact, applaud!) But when discussing matters with (what you hope will be)an intelligent, upcoming child/teen, something a little bit more than "it's bad" is needed. But her ideas for connecting were strong. And she included a bit of brain science in there too which is absolutely needed to understand where females of certain ages are coming from.

If you grew up in a solid home(where connection was rote and communication was flowing), this book may be a little elementary for you.

[Julianne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I highly recommend this book for anyone who has children, grandchildren, nieces or nephews. Or neighbor kids. Or if you teach Primary children. It seems to me that this is a good general resource book on helping children, particularly girls, NOT try to grow up too fast.

The author is a Christian lady and she uses lots of Bible references. Definitely not KJV. Probably NIV. But that's OK, because she wants the kids to remain innocent or as innocent as possible as long as possible. She gives examples, philosophies, specific instructions and ideas for fun family activities.

Look at this book for yourself, then consider buying copies to give to everyone in your family that has influence on kids.

[Denise Wilson · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is a bit older, at least the version I read was from the 2010’s so was slightly dated, it spoke on social media, but definitely not specifics like today’s Snapchat. I liked how didn’t give purity culture of the 90s vibes. It really taught me all about connection with our children being most important and speaking honestly and open. Great references to scripture for praying over our children. Thought this was a great read and had great activity ideas on how to connect with our daughters. I really loved how she exposes that they are not a perfect family, she is not a perfect mom or wife.. throwing the plate at dinner… felt that 😅

[Jody · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've had this book for probably 7 or 8 years, and before donating it to the church library, decided to read back through it. If you're at all concerned about the influence of peers, media, boys, etc., on your daughter, this is a great book. Dannah is speaking the truth that you need to start discussions about these things with your daughter when she is young and willing to listen. I won't say I followed every recommendation in this book, but I followed many of them, and I truly feel I'm reaping rewards with my teen because of it.

[April Dichosa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such an important book! Our daughters are only young for so long, and Gresh gives practical advice for helping us, and mamas, keep them little- but also being honest with them about puberty, the teen years, and beyond. I'm excited to share some of these ideas and principles with my own daughter and to help her 1- see herself the way God sees her, and 2- become everything He's created her to be. I want to journey (not simply parent) with her as she becomes a woman, and to hopefully instill values like purity, modesty, and integrity along the way.

[Christen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I am sure that every parent reading this will find some useful insight. However, perhaps because of the publication date, the author makes no mention of social media or smartphones, which is one of the biggest problems in this area now. And her children seemed not overly interested in dating, so I wonder whether the author would have written a current book if they had wanted to date as teens or tweens. I didn't really dislike the book, but it has limited usefulness.

[Lena Cole · Rating 4 out of 5]

Helpful advice for mothers of young girls

Dannah Gresh certainly doesn't hold back about the many influences of the world that our young girls face. She gives much practical advice. If you are a mother of a tween, or better yet a daughter not yet a tween, I believe you will find this book very helpful.

[Charlie · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is intended for those who are 1000% Christian, and who want to force their kids to be also. It teaches harmful mindset of purity culture. It encourages taking away freewill. Marriage should not be a requirement and should never be forced. This book encourages an unhealthy mindset. It's teaching girls that their only purpose in life it to get married and to serve a man.

[Regina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very thought-provoking. Gave me a lot of ideas to hopefully put to use in a few years. I highly recommend that every mother of a daughter read this book! It's never too early to start preparing for those tween/teen years.

[Mary · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book ~ very practical ~ quick read ~ good companion to "5 Conversations You Must Have with Your Daughter" by Vicki Courtney. This book is for parents of girls ages 8-12, setting the stage for modesty, boys, dating, and all things relating to being a teenager. Highly recommended!