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Napoleon's Hemorrhoids and Other Small Events That Changed History

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An astonishing book that reveals how our most famous incidents, best loved works of art, and most accepted historical outcomes are simply a twist of fate. What were Albert Einstein’s last words? What was Hitler’s real name? What famous artist was mistakenly thought to be stillborn? What sport did Fidel Castro almost play professionally in America? These questions and more are answered in Napoleon’s Hemorrhoids, a roller coaster of historical information. Napoleon’s painful hemorrhoids prevented him from mounting his horse to survey the battlefield. Hitler’s father’s name was actually Shicklgruber, but when his mother remarried, he took his stepfather’s name—Hitler. Fidel Castro almost became a baseball player. Picasso was stillborn until his uncle revived him by blowing cigar smoke in his face. And...no one actually knows Einstein’s last words. They were in German, a language his nurse did not speak.

272 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2008

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About the author

Phil Mason

81 books18 followers

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5 stars
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 345 reviews
Profile Image for Matt.
4,765 reviews13.1k followers
August 28, 2019
I’ll say 3.5 stars for this one.

Phil Mason introduces readers to some interesting tales in this collection of ‘what ifs’ and ‘did you know’ trivia in history. As the title of the book suggests, some things are quite random, but there is seemingly a great deal of curiosity surrounding these feats, accidents, and anomalies in history. Mason organises his book into some larger themes and proceeds to offer up facts—sometimes in a few sentences and at other times a page or two—that will both baffle and intrigue the reader. How things might have been different had Hitler stayed longer during a speech he delivered, or Napoleon been in better health the day of the Battle of Waterloo. Exploring sports, history, and business as well, Mason provides a seemingly endless set of examples of how the world might have changed on a whim. I am a great fan of alternate history, though I usually like longer tales or more meat to the explanations. While I suppose Mason wants to allow the reader to ponder on their own, it may have been fun to see some speculative narration when Mason presented some of the anecdotes in this piece. Full of eyebrow-raising stories, Mason lets the reader see how one small change in history could have completely changed the path taken and altered things significantly. With a number of substantive chapters, the reader can use what they learn here at their next dinner party or on a road trip to fill dead air. A fun read, though I won’t go do far as to offer a formal recommendation.

Kudos, Mr. Mason, for this interesting collection. I can see this is something you enjoyed preparing quite a bit.

Love/hate the review? An ever-growing collection of others appears at:
http://pecheyponderings.wordpress.com/

A Book for All Seasons, a different sort of Book Challenge: https://www.goodreads.com/group/show/...
Profile Image for Jen.
380 reviews41 followers
November 11, 2011
I am just so exceedingly happy when I can put a book down and say "well, at least I didn't pay full price for it."

This is one of those books. Admittedly, I should have known it was kinda crappy before I bought it--a quick perusal would have said it. But it was the last days of Borders and my decision making was at a low ebb.

The whole book is full of "weird and crazy coincidences" and "startling facts." Some of these being just downright wrong.

For the record, Eleanor of Aquitaine did not leave Louis of France over a beard. The Catholic Church, as far as I know, has yet to grant an annulment based on facial hair. I read this in a "book of facts" when I was ten. I didn't believe it then, and I sure as heck don't believe it now. The fact that they had been married 15 years and she hadn't given him a son (and they didn't much care for each other) had a lot more to do with it.

The book also contains "fun sports facts" and the guy is a cricket fan. I know this because most of the facts had the word "wicket" in them. I'm sure they were very "omigod" moments, but I didn't understand a word.

So at the end, I looked at the brief bio of the author. He collects clippings. No, I'm serious, that's his bio. Clippings. Great...I just read a book from a special episode of Hoarders.

It's an easy read, and somewhat enjoyable, but if you have something else, anything else, read that first.
Profile Image for Montzalee Wittmann.
5,176 reviews2,337 followers
May 9, 2021
Napoleon's Hemorrhoids: ... and Other Small Events That Changed History
by Phil Mason
This book was full of interesting tidbits from around the world and through time. Little trivial events that added up to often bigger consequences. I love stuff like that! This was the Audible version which was free to listen to if you're a member. I think I would rather have the book for this though. It's hard to take in that much trivia and retain it. I could then just read a little a day. Visual learner here!
The narrator was good though.
Profile Image for La Crosse County Library.
573 reviews201 followers
May 19, 2022
Review originally published February 2011

How many times have we said something like, “If only I hadn’t changed lanes.” “If only I had left work a few minutes earlier.” “If only I hadn’t pressed 'send'.” Usually when we have these “if only” moments, the results can be upsetting or sometimes even tragic, but they won’t have worldwide consequences.

Phil Mason’s book titled, Napoleon’s Hemorrhoids and Other Events That Changed History, details some fascinating stories of seemingly incidental occurrences that had far-reaching and sometimes permanent effects.

Marco Polo’s extensive travels and discoveries in China would never have gotten published for the European world to read had he not been captured on his Venetian ship and thrown into a Genoan jail in 1298. After hearing his stories, his cellmate persuaded him to record his 22 years of travels. In fact, after his release, it was his cellmate, Rustichello da Pisa, who published The Travels of Marco Polo, which is still in print today.

Ronald Reagan would probably not have become a successful actor and certainly not President of the United States had his application to the Communist Party in 1938 been accepted. The Party rejected him because:

“They thought he was a feather brain… a flake who couldn’t be trusted with a political opinion for more than 20 minutes.”

After the rejection, he then not only flourished as an actor, but became president of the Screen Actors Guild and one of our more popular presidents.

The world will never know Albert Einstein’s last words before he died. He uttered them in German, and the only nurse at his bedside did not speak the language.

Rudyard Kipling was fired as a journalist at the San Francisco Examiner by the editor who told the novelist and poet:

“I’m sorry Mr. Kipling, but you just don’t know how to use the English language.”


If only Fidel Castro had been a better baseball player, he might have made it through his trial year with the Washington Senators in 1947. Unfortunately, he had to choose a different career path.

This and other books containing fascinating historical facts can be found at the five La Crosse County Libraries in Bangor, Campbell, Holmen, Onalaska, and West Salem.

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Profile Image for Elle.
157 reviews32 followers
October 20, 2021
DNF. This book is... not good. It's not a good history book. The sources aren't cited and the facts are frequently wrong. Money of the facts are really funny or interesting. They're very tedious and focused mostly on British history, but not the interesting parts. Also I get the sense that the author really hates gay people. Like, his comments about gay people were more negative than his comments about Hitler.

The best description I can give is this book is basically a long, shitty Buzzfeed article of octogenarian British men. If you ate the kind of person to complain on Twitter about Meagan Markle not knowing her place, this book is for you.
Profile Image for Blue Morse.
208 reviews4 followers
November 16, 2023
Misleading title… should be called a “1,000+ fun and interesting facts” … most of these had little to no major impact on history and when you stop and think about it, obviously every monumental event is shaped by thousands of seemingly small and minute details … one needs only to look back on their own life to see that.
Profile Image for Chelsea.
678 reviews227 followers
April 24, 2016
Interesting, but since it lacked any sort of narrative, it could get a bit plodding. Good for a quick 10 minutes here or there, but not a page turner. I'd be interested in a similar topic with a short chapter devoted to each event, instead of just a paragraph or three. That said, there was no false advertising on this one - it's right there in the title.
Profile Image for Kaptan HUK.
105 reviews6 followers
February 29, 2024
İngilizlere Özel
Napolyon'un Basuru ortalama yarım sayfalık birbirinden bağımsız kısacık bölümleriyle zamana yayarak okuma imkanı veriyordu. Ben de bu imkanı değerlendirdim, Napolyon'un Basuru'nu iki ayda okudum.    İnsanlığın kırılma anlarını okumak eğlenceliydi. Aksiliklerin, tesadüflerin, alakasız gelişmelerin tarihin makaslarını nasıl değiştirdiğini öğrenmek şaşırtıcıydı.    Kralın sakalını beğenmediği için savaş başlatması ve bu savaşın babadan oğula yüzyıllarca sürmesi enteresan. Tarihin en ünlü savaşlarından Waterlo Şavaşı'nın sabahında Napolyon'un basurunun azması sonuçları açısından önemli bir faktör. Napolyon o sabah neşeyle kalksaydı bugün bambaşka bir dünyada yaşayacaktık; belki de silah üretimine son verildiği ve sınırların silindiği bir dünyaydı bu.   Japonya'ya ikinci atom bombası atılacak. Bomba uçağa yükleniyor. Uçak havalanıyor. Vouuvvv. Bombaları Japonya'nın Kokura kentine bırakacak. Vooouuuvv. Üç gün önce de Hiroşima'ya bırakıldı, dumanı hala tütüyor. Vooouuuuvv. Uçak Kokura'ya geldi. Kapaklar açık. Fakat bulutlar. Hay aksi şeytan! Bulutlar sardı, Kokura görülmüyor. Baktı olmuyor, bombayı bırakamıyor, bir saat ötedeki Nagasaki'ye gidip bırakıyor. Hayat böyle bir şey. Daha geçende yazdım, musluk tamiri için gittiğin binada aktörlük sözleşmesi imzalıyorsun.    Bilim, spor, sanat ve iş dünyasında böyle yüzlerce şaşırtıcı kırılma anlarını okumak benim açımdan eğlendiriciydi de, kitaba bunca pohpohun karşılığı üç yıldız mı, tabii ki değil. Napolyon'un Basuru'nun sorunu İngilizlere hitaben yazılmasıdır. Tarih diye Britanya tarihi anlatılmış; sadece İngilizlerin bildiği BBC'nin eski dizilere, siyaset adamlarına ve olaylara epeyce yer verilmiş. Arada tanıdıklara ilişkin bilgilere rastlayıp havamızı bulduk.
Profile Image for Marta.
1,033 reviews122 followers
June 28, 2024
A collection of trivia from history, sports and entertainment. They are small factoids and are interesting, but take them with a grain of salt - they are not always true. It is an entertaining listen if you are not in the mood for a continuous narrative.
Profile Image for Tyrannosaurus regina.
1,199 reviews25 followers
April 13, 2015
I generally love trivia like this, but this book often runs on the edge of too trivial, and doesn't ever acknowledge the likelihood that something else would have lead to these historical events even if that one little thing had happened differently, preferring to dwell in speculation. (Nevermind that some, maybe most, of the anecdotes are unsubstantiated.) It was also focused on British history nearly to the exclusion of the rest of the world (except the United States, and WWII), which is not in itself a problem if that slant had been recognised and acknowledged and the reader was aware that entire continents would be virtually ignored. Ending many of the anecdotes on an "if only" rhetorical question gave it a juvenile, sensationalist quality, as well. But those weren't the greatest sins. I could still have gotten fair enjoyment out of the book if it hadn't been for the homophobic slap in the face near the beginning, and the inflammatory/judgmental language in several of the other anecdotes.
Profile Image for Cori.
964 reviews186 followers
November 24, 2022
No description needed if you've read the title. This was entertaining and moved quickly from one small blurb to the next. I was actually taken aback initially at how rapidly the narrator moved from one historical circumstance to the next. Once I got used to it, I found it quite entertaining. I also couldn't listen to large chunks of this at a time or I stopped paying attention due to the rapidity of subject changes. Worth a listen! Comical in many parts.

I'd rate this a PG.
Profile Image for Sean Egbert.
12 reviews1 follower
April 3, 2024
It’s fine, decently interesting stories for fun fact fans. Writer uses a very passive tone for some more divisive topics but it’s whatever.
Profile Image for Gözde Benli.
52 reviews6 followers
January 21, 2018
Nihayet bitirdim.
Okuması çok uzun süren bir kitap oldu, nedeni elbet ben değilim. Suçu tamamen kitaba da atmayacağım; tek suçlu ilgi alanlarım.

Kitabın içeriği yazarında dediği gibi, “tarihi değiştiren ıvır zıvır olaylar” yani tarih, kültür, sanat, bilim, holivud, spor ve aklınıza gelen diğer başlıklar hakkında minik anektodlar içeriyor; ve bunlar ilgi alanınıza ve genel kültürünüze göre değişiyor. Ben özellikle siyaset ve savaş kısımlarında sıkıldım.

Bir solukta bitirmeye çalıştım tıpkı bir roman gibi ama siz okursanız öyle bitirmeyin. Şimdi anlıyorum, bu kitap tam bir başucu kitabı, yatmadan önce biraz okuyup, azar azar bitirilmeli, işte o zaman tadı çıkıyor.
25 reviews
November 13, 2024
Started off strong but after a bit it got boring. I wish he focused on the events a bit more rather than just giving 2-3 sentences on each.
Profile Image for AttackGirl.
1,467 reviews25 followers
May 24, 2022
What is more distressing that he had hemorrhoids or that he didn’t get the treatment for them which was little bugs crawling around on his anus….. sucking out the blood. Wonder how many they found… or forgot…
Profile Image for Zack McCullough.
75 reviews3 followers
March 7, 2021
So the premise of this book is that the great events in history and the overall direction that history has taken can both be traced to random circumstances, coincidences, mistakes, and happenstance.

The title references one example of this where Napoleon's significant defeat at Waterloo was brought about because he had hemorrhoids and was unable to survey the battlefield and issue orders in a timely manner. The book then proceeds to list hundreds of other instances like this where history would supposedly have been different if some small thing had been different.

Here's the problem though. Just because things would have been slightly different, does not mean history would have been changed in an extreme way. For example, let's say Napoleon did not have hemorrhoids and was able to fight as effectively as he had in other battles. Would he have not been defeated eventually? If not at Waterloo, surely at another location. Would his victory at Waterloo have propelled the French Empire to a position of dominance on the world stage that would have led to much of the world speaking French and watching French movies? This is unclear.
Also, how do we know that this is what caused the defeat anyway? Is this a case of false correlation?

Some of the stories are just slightly humorous facts, and don't seem to fit the general theme of the book because they do not alter anything significant in history, and sometimes the minor coincidence or event only alters one individual's experience, such as the section on athletes losing events because they misunderstood what day the competition was being held. While that is terrible for them, do I really care? How would that effect the rest of us not directly involved in the sporting event?

There is a good bit of interesting trivia in the book that you could bring up to impress friends, but also a lot of mediocre and flat out boring stories. I liked some of the things I learned, but I am not sure I would recommend that someone read the entire thing. Maybe it would be good to just pick up every now and then or leave by the toilet (if you are into that sort of thing).
Profile Image for Edwina Book Anaconda.
2,048 reviews72 followers
April 15, 2020
Judging the book by its title, I had assumed this would be a humorous trivia book.
Alas, it was just a common trivia book, giving a paragraph or two of information on a variety of subjects. Some of the chapters I enjoyed and some were a bit of a slog, as I don't care at all about sports. The title was probably the best thing about this book -and- the reason I bought it.
26 reviews2 followers
September 9, 2010
Fun, albeit pseudo-intellectual, account of chance events that changed the course of history. Not really a book but more a collection of anecdotes useful as conversational zingers.
Profile Image for Caleb.
282 reviews5 followers
August 28, 2024
It almost felt like a clever title, and enough to get me to give it a try, but I'll be damned if this isn't one of the biggest wastes of time I've had with a book in a very very long time.

Put simply, this is a bathroom reader in disguise. One of those random factoid books that is loaded with apocryphal stories masquerading as facts and poorly researched factoids that are either flat out wrong or stretching a truth to a breaking point to sound more truthful than they really are.

The bigger problem with this book is the fact that probably 99% of these "events" didn't make much of a difference to history, contrary to what the title might make you believe. This is especially true with some of the stupid coincidences presented as amazing life changing events. Yeah, maybe to the person they happened to, but not many others. And most of the business and all of the sports things just feel like stupid moments that happened and sound silly or weird enough to sneak their way into this book, but honestly, they have no justifiable place here and should have been cut from the book.

A more minor annoyance is just how focused on England this book is. I'm guessing that's where the author is from because the factoids lay heavily on England's shores, touch Europe a decent amount, touch on America when it's something that can't be skipped over in a book like this, and very very rarely mentions Africa or Asia. I guess they never changed history over there, or at least not without outside interference.

But yeah, this is a total waste of time and the only reason I finished it was to make sure I felt justified in making this rant-heavy review. Unless you're going to skim this while you're dropping a deuce, it's not worth you time, and honestly, even then you'd probably do just as well or better hitting the random button on Wikipedia or scrolling Buzzfeed.
Profile Image for Richard Thompson.
2,891 reviews167 followers
December 5, 2021
This book is a collection of historical trivia. There are some rough themes but it's mostly just a potpourri. The overarching theme, to the extent that there is one, is embedded in the subtitle - that small events can change history. It's the opposite end of historical interpretation from people like Marx who thought that economics and the class struggle determine everything or Jared Diamond who thinks that geography and climate determine everything. I do believe that there are important long term high level drivers of historical events, which include economics and geography, but I've been down on the Marx/Diamond point of view ever since I read Karl Popper's fine book, "The Poverty of Historicism." In many ways history is just one damned thing after another, a complex system with causation so difficult to tease out that we can barely guess what will happen tomorrow, much less what caused where we are today or where we will be in ten years. It's mostly a fool's errand to try. But I'm not ready to go all the way back to a great man theory of history, or even further to where Mr. Mason wants to take us - a trivial event theory of history. So this book has moments of being amusing, but it misses the boat in its idea of how history unfolds.
238 reviews
January 6, 2023
This was an interesting, fairly light read, but it makes an important point. People who study history can fall into the trap that how events turned out was the plan of those involved all along. This book makes the point that this is...not the case, and events that are objectively small can have big consequences.

Since most of the descriptions of events here are fairly short, this is easy to pick up and put down. It's not in-depth on anything, that's just not what it was intended to do. But it may inspire readers to look more deeply into things, and I'm all for anything that encourages people to pick up a book.
41 reviews1 follower
August 18, 2020
Interesting bits.

After reading this, you have to wonder how we still manage to achieve anything. The tidbits were interesting, some funny, and some were down right, shake your head, amazing. This book clearly proves there is a GOD. Otherwise we would not still be here. The only thing I had a problem with is it was written by Britains, so some of the stories were about British incidents. Some sports, businesses and legal stories made no sense to me. But most of the book was an interesting read.
Profile Image for Lacy Phillips.
88 reviews9 followers
May 23, 2021
Lovers of trivia will like this. I did find it interesting, but it sort of careens through a list of random facts and anecdotes with little attempt at organization which makes it a read that I could never get settled into. If you're going to buy a copy, it is best suited to short episodic reading like what one might do during visits to the toilet before the era of the smartphone.
12 reviews
September 14, 2023
I would actually give this book a 3.5.
It’s such an interesting illustration of the butterfly effect in a historical context. Loved learning all the little factoids from this book that I can use in daily life. It did drag in several parts that made it difficult for me to stay interested. The ending was also extremely abrupt, but maybe that was the intention. Overall, learned a lot but would only recommend reading parts of this book.
Profile Image for Tori.
262 reviews
April 29, 2024
3.5 stars
This was a fun little book, but it was hard to listen to. I think reading it would have been far more enjoyable – each story was so short and felt like it went right into the next without a break in between. So many interesting little tidbits, but they all started blending together haha. I did enjoy it, it just would have been better to read a physical copy.
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