Eating with the Enemy: How I Waged Peace with North Korea from My BBQ Shack in Hackensack

by Robert Egan, Kurt Pitzer

There was only one chair in the room. Fluorescent tubes on the ceiling hummed with blue light. The woman smiled and explained in a soothing voice that there were some “procedures” they had to go through. “We’re just going to put you under for a few minutes,” she said. One of the officials told me to turn around.. “Do I have a choice?” I lowered my pants, exposing most of my left butt cheek.  The woman came up from behind me, and I felt a sharp prick as she pushed in the needle and rammed the solution into my muscle. When she finished, I sat down. “Which agency do you work for? CIA?” asked the other male official. “I operate independently,” I said. I started to feel good. Very good. I had the urge to laugh, even though nobody had said anything funny. “I’m a lone wolf. And I make burgers for a living. I’m a burger-making lone wolf.” I must have blacked out for some of it. When I opened my eyes again, the two men were there, but the woman was gone. I wiped my nose, and my hand came away bloody. I suddenly felt so sick and dizzy I thought I’d had a stroke. “What the fuck? In Pyongyang in 1994, Robert Egan was given Sodium Pentathol, or “truth serum,” by North Korean agents trying to determine his real identity. What was he doing in the world’s most isolated nation---while the U.S. government recoiled at its human-rights record and its quest for dangerous nukes? Why had he befriended one of North Korea’s top envoys to the United Nations? What was Egan after? Fast-paced and often astounding, Eating with the Enemy  is the tale of a restless restaurant owner from a mobbed-up New Jersey town who for thirteen years inserted himself into the high-stakes diplomatic battles between the United States and North Korea. Egan dropped out of high school in working-class Fairfield, New Jersey, in the midseventies and might have followed his father’s path as a roofing contractor. But Bobby had bigger plans for himself, and after a few years wasted on drugs and petty crime, his life took an astonishing turn when his interest in the search for Vietnam-era POWs led to an introduction in the early nineties to North Korean officials desperate to improve relations with the United States. So Egan turned his restaurant, Cubby’s, into his own version of Camp David. Between ball games, fishing trips, and heaping plates of pork ribs, he advised deputy ambassador to the United Nations, Han Song Ryol, and other North Koreans during tumultuous years that saw the death of Kim Il-sung and the rise of Kim Jong-il, false starts toward peace during the Clinton administration, the Bush “Axis of Evil” era, and North Korea’s successful test of a nuclear weapon in 2006. All the while, Egan informed for the FBI, vexed the White House with his meddling, chaperoned the communist nation’s athletes on hilarious adventures, and nearly rescued a captured U.S. Navy vessel---all in the interest of promoting peace. Egan parses U.S. foreign policy with a mobster’s street smarts, and he challenges the idea that the United States should not have relations with its adversaries. The intense yet unlikely friendship between him and Ambassador Han provides hope for better relations between enemy nations and shows just how far one lone citizen can go when he tries to right the world’s wrongs.  

Genres: Nonfiction, Asia, History, Memoir, Biography, Biography Memoir, Government

400 pages, Hardcover

First published April 13, 2010

Reviews

[Samantha · Rating 4 out of 5]

This story is equal parts hilarious and heartbreaking. My next stop to the NYC area will include a trip to Robert Egan's BBQ restaurant. What a character. While this is a fun read, one cannot forget that the North Korean regime is starving to death millions of its own innocent citizens. Egan doesn't ignore this fact, but he does not spend much time on it either.

[Showpony · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Eating with the Enemy" offers the most unlikely confluence of mafia wisdom, class warfare, BBQ recipes and a stinging critique of our diplomatic policies. It's a fast-paced and thoroughly enjoyable read. Perfect summer reading!

[Griffin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is one of those books you'd give to a friend who doesn't even like nonfiction. Immediately after reading it, I passed it along to several friends and colleagues, who also got a kick out of it. It's humorous, heartbreaking, and a fascinating look inside citizen diplomacy.

[David · Rating 5 out of 5]

At first I found the overbearing arrogance and swagger of the author irritating, but he grew on me as his philosophy became clear: Governments and their agendas get in the way of common, ordinary people who would otherwise have the power, and desire, to bridge cultural gaps...even between the US and North Korea. I wouldn't be surprised if the author exaggerated a few things, as self-promotion appears to be his stock in trade, but if even half of it is true, he went to extraordinary lengths, sacrificed much, and experienced remarkable success in building friendships with people in a land that we're told is full of nothing but lunatics who want to destroy us. I have had more than enough experience in international exchange relationships to know first-hand how actually meeting "the other" and seeing one another as human beings, not the stereotypes our leaders and media present, can work amazing transformations towards making peace. After finishing this very readable page turner, one is left with the feeling that if only Egan and his Korean counterparts had been left alone to wheel and deal together, the US and the DPRK would now be enjoying much better relationships. The self-aggrandizing, "I'm smarter than all these jerks with their fancy education" tone of the book is grating, especially in this era of the Tea Party, but I have to admit that there is a certain truth to it as the author tells it. I enjoyed this book so much more than I expected to, even found it inspirational, and that more than makes up for the tale-teller being a jerk. :)

[Donna · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book. It was a fun little read. I was afraid it would be a little too serious regarding the politics, but it wasn't. It was fun. I would have given this 4 stars, but the humor was such I couldn't suppress my laughter, so 5 stars it is and also because I would read this again.

I did the audio on this and loved the telling of the story. It felt honest, which is always appreciated and it didn't feel like Bob Egan, the author, had secret motives and an axe to grind. It was HIS story told HIS way.

One other thing that I liked was his ability to get involved in life and in things around him. He is one who is living his life the way he wants and not letting it pass him by. I admire that because I am a bit of a wallflower.

[Grumpus · Rating 1 out of 5]

Love this book. Somewhat average citizen and his relationship with N. Korean diplomats. Serious, unbelievable and funny. Because of isolationism, the relationship is almost like that of meeting an alien race. Like a soap opera, never know what will happen next.

[Wendy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very engaging memoir written by a NJ restaurant owner and his efforts to develop a dialogue and friendship with UN personnel from the DPRK. On the one-hand, he comes across as a very NJ-esque type of guy (picture Tony Soprano) and I found myself trying to figure out how much of what he was telling me was the real story, or his spin on it (and a heavy emphasis on the role he actually played in events). On the other hand, I do think he made some really interesting observations and I liked the idea that a regular normal citizen can reach out to someone from a different part of the world -- even a part of the world that is not considered a "friend" to the US -- and try to make a difference. His friendship w/ Han appeared to be genuine and heartfelt and illustrated the opportunity to bridge differences when the parties have a foundation of trust. I'd like to do a bit more reading about Robert Egan to learn more about what he has done subsequent to the completion of this book, and also to see if there is any information out there confirming the vercity of events as he describes them. Assuming that he is on the up and up, then I think this book is a really worthwhile read and definitely gave me a better understanding of the geopolitical situation between the US and the DPRK. This felt especially timely given the fact that North Korea is very much in the news the past few weeks.

[Ed · Rating 4 out of 5]

Robert Egan's 'Eating With The Enemy' reads like-actually, it IS-a international intrigue story. I couldn't put it down. I haven't decided how much of it I believe yet. His sources are hard to verify: the North Korean government and the FBI. At least it didn't turn into a gangland tell-all. You'll see the potential for that if you read the book.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

While the book spans decades of U.S. relations with North Korea, the unifying theme is the friendship between the author and Han. The writing is colorful, perhaps exaggerated, but the two main characters are compelling.

[Samantha · Rating 3 out of 5]

Definitely an interesting read as it humanizes North Korean diplomats, but I'm also kind of left with the feeling of 'what in the hell?'

[Sean Kelly · Rating 4 out of 5]

As I'm sure many observers of Robert (Bob) Egan's relationships with North Korean diplomats concurred, the events he outlines in this book range from fascinating to incredible to just flat-out bizarre. It is likely an understatement that North Korea is the world's most misunderstood regime (whether that is intentional or not is up for debate, I suppose). Essentially, Egan uses his barbecue restaurant in Hackensack as a springboard to for relationships and friendships first with a Vietnamese man who ends up defecting, and then more notably with the "ambassador" from the DPRK in New York.
The book outlines and highlights plenty of the "DOs and DON'Ts" of international diplomacy on the part of the North Koreans, the Americans, and in fact the every-man representative, the author himself. I knew nothing of this story when I started reading, and although I was fascinated by the roller-coaster "friendship" Egan describes, when I finished the book I did't really have the sense that I knew a whole lot more about the story except a few of the facts. There are undoubtedly some amusing anecdotes, and there are certainly some absolutely bizarre turns of events, but at the end of the story, the reader does not get the sense of a ton of progress having been made. Did Egan and Han REALLY learn that much about each other through their friendship? Was it REALLY even a friendship, or just a relationship based on opportunity for both men and the governments they "represented"? I would absolutely enjoy reading the takes of other readers (as I have already to a certain degree). As I type this, the US and the DPRK do not really seem any closer to understanding one another, let alone co-existing with anything close to a normal international relationship.

[Chris · Rating 3 out of 5]

I listened to the audiobook and at times it was funny and the part about picking up tickets at Will Call was hysterical.

Other times I was perplexed by Bobby Egan and what would possess him to carry on as long as he did with the North Koreans. Sure they are human beings and brainwashed by their leaders and lack of free press yet still North Korea is a country that is known to kill people and injected Bobby with drugs and despite at least three trips there by Bobby no POW's were ever released.

I do have to agree with Egan's assessment of the US Government and the FBI handlers he dealt with and their inability to think outside of the box and be creative and this is part of the reason why 9/11 happened and the FBI and CIA could learn many things by studying this book and putting Egan's ideas and actions into practice.

This is an interesting book though at times I wondered about the mental state of the author.

I do recommend this book because it will provide you with some history and insight into North Korea.

[Cassey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow, what a great well written and read tale of just a regular guy trying to enhance diplomatic relations with North Korea, and succeeding! It is quite crazy how you can think outside the box and make progress, in a diplomatic sense. There are always fine lines towards diplomacy and sometimes, when you are a square, you never cross them, but I have to agree with Mr. Egan, the only way to make diplomacy work is to get in there and start trying to get things done. Sometimes all it takes is just talking. It barely happens even between governmental agencies working for the same flag!

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is funny and hopefully. If only half of it is true, I would still recommend it. It might be a bit old but I think it’s aged okay. It makes the parts where they admire Donald Trump stand out even more.

[Balloon Bruce · Rating 4 out of 5]

Amusing read, sure that some of it has been exaggerated. But it really makes you think how any progress can be made if no one is talking to anybody!

[Rebecca Chiffelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best book I’ve read all year

[Marta Irvine · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was a fun, yet enlightening, read. I love stories about unlikely people coming together and forming a friendship, and this book has that and more. It's got action and adventure, spies and intrigue, humor and sorrow.

The writing is excellent, descriptive and personable, truly bringing the characters to life. The book is told from the perspective of Bob Egan, an Italian from New Jersey, and the audiobook reader really captures the "tough guy" feel. Definitely a page turner!

[Ryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very good read that hooks you until the very end. The characters are relatable and you get a sense of what diplomacy could be if it wasn't such a stiff and rigid endeavor.

[Jenn Ollivier · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not a bad book. Sometimes it almost reads like fiction. I could see this being made into a movie... I would've liked to have seen some of the many pictures that are referenced hanging on the wall in the restaurant.

[Scott · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some fascinating stories interspersed with moderate political moralizing and underwhelming back story.

[Jenna Marie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is my new favorite book. I loved it so much I can't even begin to express my love for it.

[Lesley-Ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quick read. Very different perspective on the U.S.- North Korea relationship. Some insights into the North Korean point of view.