Irritating the Ones You Love: The Down and Dirty Guide to Better Relationships

by Jeff Auerbach

Whether it's a sister who chews her food too loudly or a spouse who won't open up about his feelings, we all have those little irritations that threaten to damage our important relationships. Learn how to uncover the hidden attractions that keep drawing you toward conflict, tame your pet peeves, and avoid repeating past mistakes. This book will strengthen your relationships by helping you identify sources of irritation and build on the principles necessary to overcome their influence.

Genres: Relationships, Self Help, Nonfiction

122 pages, Paperback

First published May 24, 2002

Reviews

[Angela · Rating 4 out of 5]

I designed the cover! What do you think? The content is great too. If you read with the wrong perspective, the ways he word some things can sound like psychobabble, but when you stop to think, it makes a lot of sense. Basically the premise is that we have unsolved issues we were never able to resolve while growing up in our family of origin, so we unconsciously seek someone similar as a spouse with whom we can work out those differences. For example, if you felt like you weren't listened to enough growing up, you'll seek a spouse you feel you can talk with who will listen completely and hear you out.

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

The information itself was extremely useful. However, the way the book is written makes it a little more of a difficult read. You can tell he is not a professional writer. The overuse if quotations and cliches got old, fast. If you ever have the chance to go to his seminar about difficult personalities though, do it! He's a great speaker and the material in the book (the same material at his seminar) is much easier to follow and understand simply because it's delivered better and more effectively.

[Rossana Snee · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was excellent! Well written and easy to understand. I found it extremely helpful. The author explains clearly why we choose our partners, and presents us with valuable tools for improving our relationships. Highly recommend.

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

Meh. Moderately helpful if you’re seeking a partner. Introduces terminology that may be helpful for recognizing traits you may be unconsciously looking for in a partner.

[Christopher G · Rating 3 out of 5]

There were a lot of excellent points. There seemed to be a lot of emphasis on childhood experiences. The 30/70 rule was interesting. It was a good book but felt much more academic than practical.

[Janee · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was included in a door prize assortment I received at my professional conference. I promised the presenter who made the donation that I'd read all the books - and I've struggled to get through a couple of them. This one in particular was more difficult, not because of the material - fairly easy to understand, simple to accept the concept although harder to apply it to my own life - but because of the writing style and the ridiculous grammatical errors that leapt off the pages as I read. Not making possessive pronouns agree with the subject - that's the one that kept biting me. I've got about 10 pages to go - may never complete that. Sorry, teach!

[Barb · Rating 3 out of 5]

My main reason for choosing to read this book is because my daughter-in-law designed the cover of a book. I really did "judge a book by its cover."

That being said, I found many of the author's ideas as fascinating. I'm not a psychologist, and I don't often find myself reading this type of material, so I did have to reread a few passages in order to more fully grasp the meaning. liked the book because I learned something I didn't already know.

[Karen Prive · Rating 4 out of 5]

I stalled out on this one as I had some significant detours in my life not long after I started it. However, I returned to it at a time when I was more prepared to connect with Dr. Auerbach's message - mainly, that when we are persistently irritated by our loved one's behavior today, it is typically only slightly related to their actions; rather, it is likely more about unresolved issues from our childhood. His writing style is clear and easily accessible, and the methods he suggests for understanding these issues are explained simply. My only complaint was that the book seemed aimed mostly at people with reasonably normal childhoods - as a person who survived an extremely difficult childhhood, I sometimes found myself wondering how these ideas should be adjusted to fit my own circumstances. I wish there had been a chapter or section for those with a history of severe abuse - or even an example of someone with these issues considering the how the jars might apply to them.