A Secret Sadness: The Hidden Relationship Patterns That Make Women Depressed

by Valerie E. Whiffen

Can Your Relationships Make You Depressed? Past and current patterns, unrealistic expectations, and assumptions about your role in the lives of the people close to you may cause or worsen depression. A Secret Sadness offers a groundbreaking perspective on this phenomenon, as well as powerful tools you can use to explore this issue in your own life. Women experience depression at a higher rate than men, and researchers have recently uncovered evidence that suggests this may be due to the higher importance they place on their interpersonal relationships. Some of these researchers believe that women who struggle with relationships may be at higher risk for depression because their relationships are intertwined with their self-esteem and perceptions of personal success. This breakthrough book examines the often hidden relationship factors that make women depressed, the secret sadness that can last a lifetime. Using three detailed case studies from her own practice, author and psychologist Valerie Whiffen explains how interpersonal problems can contribute to feelings of depression. Her insightful narrative sheds light on these problems, and will help you begin your journey toward healing. You'll learn how to explore your own relationships with intimate partners, children, and parents -with an eye for how these relationships may contribute to feelings of hopelessness, sadness, and anxiety. You'll ultimately be able to use this information to help overcome depression. And if depression has touched the life of someone you love, this book will help you to understand her better. Revealing the secret sadness is the first step to moving beyond depression and into a life of balance and joy.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction

208 pages, Hardcover

First published January 2, 2007

Reviews

[Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was very illuminating to me at the time I read it. I was in my early 20s, diagnosed with depression, but not yet with bipolar disorder, and I was following many of the relationship patterns described in the book. I was looking for other people to be my "missing piece," create excitement, passion, and drama, which I mistook for love. I had to really examine myself, how I was raised, how I looked for validation, value, and worth from typically unhealthy relationships. So many of my habits, patterns, and behaviors were exposed to me through this book. I would recommend it to most anyone who has wrestled with depression, bipolar disorder, mania, identity, unhealthy relationships, sexual and/or physical abuse/assault, and other psychological trauma. Very informative.

[Sara Budarz · Rating 3 out of 5]

Whiffen's book on depression incorporates a good overview of some of the studies done on women and depression and talks about factors that influence our likelihood to experience depression and its recurrence: family trauma, genetics, and mostly, relationship patterns. A bit dry of a read, and perhaps personally, hard to relate to the level of trauma and abuse most of her patients have experienced, but reading it still gave me a better grasp of depression and some of the risk factors and terminology used, such as secure / insecure attachment, which was helpful.

[Claire Elizabeth]

Vi

[Deb · Rating 5 out of 5]

*The pattern can stop here*

This book presents an illuminating synopsis on how relationships can be integral to both the problem and solution of depression in women. As Whirren nicely conveys with her clear presentations of researched-based findings, many depressed women come from families who did not offer them secure attachments as a child, and as a result, these same women have difficulties in establishing secure relationships as adults. These women not only lack positive relationships that could offer them protection against depression, but the relationships they do become involved in often resemble the same insecure (and depression-inducing) ones they experienced as children. Although there is a strong correlation between experiencing insecure attachment relationships as a child and as an adult, there are indeed ways women can interrupt this relationship pattern associated with depression. This hope is conveyed in the author's concluding words of: "Remember that our lives don't change, we change our lives."

[Camille Baird · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty good information covering relationship depression in women. She generally only covers depression as a result of a relationship past or present. the topic is covered fairly thouroughly and occasionally repetitively and while she has great scientific documentation and case studies she makes it readable for a lay person. If you know someone who suffers from depression and you suspect they may be in a relationship situation this book could be very helpful and may provide you with ways to get them help. If you are in a relationship that is causing you to become depressed there are some questions you can ask yourself for self evaluation.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really good resource for working in the family services field. Gives an overview of some different counseling techniques and strongly relates adulthood depression to childhood experiences.