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374 pages, Mass Market Paperback
First published December 1, 1998
But was two or three months of his time so much to ask considering their sixteen years together? Considering that the responsibility for the sorry state of their marriage rested on his shoulders?
And in the end… He hadn't gotten the chance to divorce her before fate, bad weather, and an icy mountain road intervened.
For years she'd wanted children, and for years he'd put her off.
If she'd lacked determination, she never could have worked two jobs to put him through his last two years of school.
He was ashamed to admit that he had forgotten a lot about her.
Five years ago he'd gotten so busy that Lynda had taken over the shopping for him, buying outfits Maggie refused to wear, handbags she refused to carry, trips she refused to take. The only gift he had continued to choose himself was the jewelry, always something to take away the breath of the most avaricious woman around—and always something that failed to impress Maggie.
Last year he'd bought two pieces of jewelry—an emerald pendant in the deep, rich shade she favored, and a bracelet of two-carat round diamonds alternating with matching sapphires.
He and this bracelet had almost killed her.
Her gratitude was misplaced, because for one brief, unforgivable time, he'd been exactly that type. He had betrayed her and himself for a few hours' pleasure, and in the process he had almost destroyed her.
From the first moment he'd realized that he was actually going to bed with a woman other than Maggie, he'd feared the truth, the pain, the anger. He had hoped desperately that she would never find out, but in the end, after all the lies and careful subterfuge, he had been the one to reveal his own sins. One careless act, and Maggie had known everything. That night she had paid the price. Then he had hoped she would never know.
At what point had he decided that it was all right to have an affair? When had he lost that last shred of dignity and self-respect?
Hell, though he might have stopped loving her, he'd never stopped wanting her. He'd just lost the right to have her.
All because a few nights last year he hadn't slept alone when he should have.
If he could change one thing in his life, he wouldn't have had that affair—and that would change all the other things that were wrong. He wouldn't have hurt Maggie like that, wouldn't have caused her to leave the house in weather custom—made for an accident, wouldn't have watched her suffer and struggle for nearly a year, and he wouldn't find himself now wanting her back with no hope of ever having her.
But she wasn't his. He'd given up his right to her the day he'd decided to sleep with another woman.
She was everything he'd ever wanted—everything he'd once turned his back on.
She could be pregnant right then. She would be thrilled. He would be … what? His first response to even the possibility was dismay. He didn't want kids. They were a complication his life didn't need and couldn't accommodate.
"Two weekends. Three encounters. Bad judgment, immoral, certainly wrong, but not worthy of sacrificing the rest of your lives together—all the happiness, all the love, all the babies.
Christmas Eve, Ross and Jessica in intimate conversation, her hand clasped familiarly in his until Maggie walked in on them. The gift addressed to Jessica, the one that had made Ross blanch, the one that had contained a small fortune in diamonds and sapphires that matched her dark eyes perfectly. The horrible guilt on Jessica's face, the utter blankness of Ross's expression, the sudden realization that had stuck both Maggie and Jessica's husband, Kevin, at the same time.
Not only had he done it, but with her best friend. Her best friend! Damn his soul.
"A lot of women were willing, and they weren't your wife's best friend."