What Happy Women Know: How New Findings in Positive Psychology Can Change Women's Lives for the Better

by Dan Baker, Ina Yalof

The director of Canyon Ranch's award-winning Life Enhancement Program draws on the latest discoveries in psychology and gender-specific medicine to help all women enjoy richer, healthier, more fulfilling lives.

In this innovative book about what brings women happiness, Dr. Dan Baker focuses on the five traps that can compromise happiness and leave women yearning for a better life.

Unlike clinical psychology, which focuses on trying to fix what's wrong with an individual, positive psychology builds on a person's natural strengths. The root of most unhappiness, fear, finds a special expression in women, who too often succumb to the happiness traps of perfectionism, wanton wanting, people pleasing, seeking revenge, thinking I'm nothing without X, and overinvesting in their careers.

In What Happy Women Know, Dr. Baker synthesizes a wide range of current research on how women uniquely respond to life's slings and arrows and how they can best bounce back from them. The book offers women a compelling set of tools that will help them accept the past and actively move toward a happier future of their own design.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology, Womens, Chick Lit, Personal Growth, Reference

272 pages, Hardcover

First published May 15, 2007

Reviews

[jellybean · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is a shallow book that doesn't really bring anything new to the self-help table, despite the "new findings in positive psychology" subtitle. It was as well-researched as a magazine article, and mostly relied on a handful of anecdotes. Basically, if I can sum up the book for you, "Its how you deal with the cards your dealt".

The book trots out some tried and true maxims on having the right attitude and growing old gracefully, all stuff that its worth reminding oneself, however, the positive messages are obscured by the author's thinly veiled contempt for his readers.

For example, one anecdote is about a woman who spent thirty years sitting in her trailer fantasizing about shooting her ex husband. I'm sorry but the typical reader is a woman shopping for self-help books at amazon.com, not a rifle-toting Aileen Wuornos type (who's also mentioned in that chapter).

Another chapter of the book that veers terribly off-track is the "Careers" chapter. I had high hopes for this one. Instead I got a cocky lecture that women who concentrate on their careers too much end up feeling sad when they're old and single. Having a career is not a "choice" for me. If I don't work, I can't afford to live, and you know, I don't know too many men interested in dating homeless women.

When self-help is done right it can be really uplifting, but this book reminds me that too many self-help books are couched in contempt for the very readers it pretends to help.

[Polka-dot-pin-up · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another book my psychologist suggested I read. Very insightful I saw myself in many of these pages and more importantly learned that happiness is something we think we have with every material possession we gain with every kilo we loose or for the more money we gain but true happiness comes within ourselves and being at peace with ourselves and learning to stand on our own two feet and being our own person

[Jeanette Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Take home lessons for me included my identity vs. my job; revenge is a car stuck in the mud; if loving someone is +20 and hating someone is -20, it would still take energy to hate someone, so let them go and put them at 0; every decision is an experiment; happy women are never alone because they don't abasing themselves; your brain isn't wires to think both positively and negatively at the same time, so thinking positively at any time automatically makes you a happier person...

[Debbie Okrainetz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good book--the only reason I did not give it a 5 was because it was not quite what I wanted at this point in time. However, it was very well written and had some very straightforward points about staying happy: "Don't envy what someone else has. Be grateful for what you have. Don't look at someone else and say, "Oh my God, that house, that car," because you don't know what's inside there." How true! Happiness is not having what you want, it is wanting what you have.

[Lori · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reminds me to play to my strengths not wallow in my weaknesses!

[Anna Cabral · Rating 3 out of 5]

I got this book from the library to do research for the new book I'm writing. I found the book interesting and easy to read, and there are positive points throughout: the importance of forgiveness, generosity, and serving others. However, the whole premise is that we do good to others, in order to be happy, rather than loving and serving others for their well-being too. Also, the author often talks about evolution to explain biological differences between men and women, and did not offer the creationist view, thus showing where his beliefs lie - in opposition to mine, at least! :)

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book gives a good overview of ways that happy women view themselves. It is important to see many perspectives of how you can think about your situation so you can choose to think in a way that serves your life.
I think there are good points about how women think about their lives but the book tends towards a more sexist idea of women in relation to their career and family.

[Naomi Phung · Rating 4 out of 5]

4/5 - Great book about how women found happiness.

The authors mentioned Trump quite a handful of times.

This book made me feel more optimistic and positive about my life.

Would read again. Quite an easy read of scientific findings and personal stories from women.

[Sana · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some general tips and inspiration on how to be happy and what happy women do. A library book.

[Rosemary Dinsdale · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good book but I did enjoy What Happy People Know better because it didn't just deal with Women's issues.

[Jessie · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this book. Its stories were never boring and conveyed the message well.

[The Universe · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautiful book to share with your girlfriends. It helped me understand things that perhaps I should have known but didn't. But I guess happy women know :)

[Stefanie Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

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[Aujha Aye · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book had some good information & suggestions however, I really couldn’t get past the main author being a man telling women how to experience happiness as women. It was very clear in several areas that the author thinks women just cry & eat to cope with life’s problems. Some suggestions from the book I would apply however, I think a better guide to happiness might be found elsewhere.

[Patricia · Rating 1 out of 5]

In the beginning of this book, the reader is introduced to mid-thirties Serena who has had a rough life and is now feeling apathetic about life. Serena is beyond depression. She feels nothing. When Serena goes to Canyon Ranch for mental care, she encounters a new way of being doctored. Instead of focusing on Serena's negative life experiences and delving into Serena's negative memories, chooses to have Serena focus on positive things. After a while, Serena begins to feel better and leaves the ranch much happier than she has been in a long time. Appreciation goes a long way for Serena. When compared to the Freudian techniques used on their way to mental health, I find positive psychology a wonderful concept. The fact that Serena had had a lot of bad things happen and was led to happiness by appreciation is great, but it still relies on factors outside of herself to get to happiness. Her doctor brought it to her attention that she had some good things happen to her in life along with the bad and that she needed to focus on those things. How about people who have very few good things compared to a tremendous amount of bad things? What if someone only ever had bad things happen to them? What then is the answer? What do THEY have to be appreciative about so that they can begin their travel toward happiness. Of course this is an exaggeration, but it is still possible. Therefore the only way to be Happy is to make the choice to BE Happy regardless of the bad or good.

I read on and encountered, discussions on plastic surgery (due to not being happy with oneself and feeling unloved), perfectionism, disposition to happiness, and relationships. One relationship story centers around Janice who at 45 is a plastic surgery queen. It seems Janice flies home to visit her mother. When her mother sees her, the first thing she does is criticize her. The authors then state that it is no wonder that Janice has had so many plastic surgeries. I agreed and then was totally blown away by the following tidbit that was written directly under. It states, "Happy women know that their worth is not determined by what they have or how they look but rather by successful relationships and emotional well-being." What in the world does that have to do with positive thinking? How in the world is Janice expected to be a happy woman when her relationship with her mother is evidently toxic? "No matter how much women know that is shouldn't be important, what their mothers think matters. A lot." To state that and then to present the Janice scenario and then that tidbit about successful relationships was awful. How is a woman like Janice whose mother is not going anywhere (save for death or tossing out of her life), supposed to become a happy woman? How? Well, here is the answer:

"Happy women know that their worth is determined on the mere fact that they exist. No relationship no matter how successful or not can change that."

Looking outside of oneself for happiness is the surest way to become an unhappy person. Happiness is a CHOICE. Chose to be happy no matter what. That doesn't mean that you can't be sad. It only means that bad things will happen, people will be cruel, and all you can do is chose to rise above it and be a happy YOU for YOU. In fact, by statistics alone, Janice would have been happier trying to find happiness in what she had and how she looks than in trying to have a successful relationship with someone who is cruel. At least she is in 100% control of the junk she buys and how she looks, compared to 50% control she has in creating a successful relationship with her mother. The analysis and conclusion presented left much to be desired. Epic fail!

I'm not very far into this book. I am hoping to encounter something useful and logical in this book... I ended up just dropping this book.

[Kendra Kettelhut · Rating 4 out of 5]

When I started this I felt like, I am a pretty happy person, what is this book really going to tell me. Well, even if I felt like a lot of the information was familiar it is always good to have reinforcement. I definitely do not practice all of the things that they recommend... I felt that the book really does a good job of breaking down triggers and traps for what can bring people down and how to avoid these. I think that pretty much any woman could benefit from this book, some more than others, but definitely not a waste of time. It was a very quick read and I think due to the well organized chapters, it is the kind of book that I might reference if I come across a difficult situation. I felt this quote, although terribly simple, is so beautiful and true. I would like this to be part of my motto...of sorts....

"It's amazing what you can do when you don't know that you can't do it." - Loretta LaRoche

[Hannamari · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book displayed the touching life stories of women who have made lemonade out of the lemons that life has handed then. However, the book did not bring any new ground breaking ideas to the table. Instead, it merely stated the obvious: think positive, be proactive, believe in yourself and so on.

The most annoying thing about the book are the underlying values Dr. Baker is pushing to the reader: a woman should have a husband and children and preferably be a stay-at-home mom. Apparently a woman can not be happy building a career. Go back to kitchen, woman, and let the man do what a man should!

I think this book may work better for someone, who has not yet found a positive outlook on life, but the only thing I realized when reading this book, is that I actually already am a happy woman and I should throw away this book that is making me frustrated.

[Suzanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I've just started reading this one and like it already. The author is very clear from the get-go that hashing up past hurts does very little to help us live a better life. It's about focusing on good things, retraining our minds to see what is right in our lives instead of hunting for flaws all the time, that will bring about positive change not only for us, but for people around us. I'll review this one more completely when I'm done.

As a psych major, it is refreshing to read a professional discuss making positive changes in our lives from such a healthy perspective. After only a few pages, I'm encouraged!

[Kathy Maggiacomo · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think this book can me summed up by reading just the sections that the author writes between two solid lines throughout the chapters. He is nice enough to put them all together in a few pages at the end so definitely read that part. I liked the book because it did have some practical advice but I was a bit bored reading some of the stories he uses to get to the point. Plus, as I was reading it , it just sounds sooooo like a man that I found it funny that he was giving advice about what happy women know. Yes, he is an authority on the subject so I respect his opinion but the way he writes I always hear a man's voice.

[Deborah Tait · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book that I think most women would benefit from. It is clear, concise yet not the typical 'self-help' book. It includes stories, though not too deep or long, thank you, that help the reader relate to women around the world who try to be 'perfect'. A great read for the perfectionist woman who needs a little advice on how to love herself more, and therefore find some happiness that may not have yet been acquired in life.

[Nicole Vital · Rating 4 out of 5]

I think this book hits the nail on the head with the struggles that women wrestle with in order to be happy. THis book provided me with the opportunity to look at myself and decide what things I can and could do to make myself happier. This book is perfect especially in the highly negative world we can live in you just need to find the beauty in it!

[Gato Negro · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good book, to be read and meditated on in small doses. Lots of interesting stories about women who know how to be happy despite having had circumstances which could have affected them otherwise. I especially liked the centenarian section and the ten things happy women know section. A good read for any woman, any age, trying to bring more happiness into her life.

[Tasha · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was excellent. I talks about the things that women believe or have been taught to believe that are wrong and make us unhappy. But it also gives help in how to change that thinking and allow ourselves to be happy.

[Jackson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some good ideas. I am looking for good ways as shields to protect us when we go back to work. It reminds me of reading diet books, though -- one pretty much knows what to do, it is just the getting down and doing it that is the tough thing.

[Michelle · Rating 5 out of 5]

To my ladies, check it out :)

[Maria · Rating 4 out of 5]

I learned about Martin Seligman's grad work at UPENN and how it has contributed to the field of Positive psychology today.

[Eboni]

In the beginning I got it. Now it's pissing me off. I kind of cheated and skipped to chapter 11, and still I'm feeling confusesd. I think it could possibl turn out pretty well...we shall see

[Danielle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another great advice book. He is inspiring without being a "know-it-all". Makes me want to go to the Canyon Ranch.

[Christine · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a good, solid, clear summary of the basics that make our lives happy and fulfilling. Not groundbreaking, so so what? They have put it together in an accessible volume. I say, thanks!

[Cathy · Rating 5 out of 5]

A good scientific read (based on brain research)for why some women are happier than others. Pretty much if you are going to have a pity party for yourself, keep it short!