Hard to Bear: Investigating the science and Silence of Miscarriage

by Isabelle Oderberg

Up to 150,000 Australians are affected by miscarriage each year. So why are we so damned bad at dealing with it? A busy doctor dismissing a patient’s physical or mental pain, an emergency department falling far short of adequate care or a friend or family member who has no idea what to say so they say the worst thing of all. Sorrow and loss is compounded each step of the way. In Hard to Bear, journalist Isabelle Oderberg investigates the world’s most common pregnancy complication, from the origins of the silence that engulfs it, to the role played by medical misogyny in treatment, and why Reproductive Justice must be at the heart of every solution. Combining in-depth investigative skills with her own lived experience and that of hundreds of others, Oderberg charts a course to improve the system and change the lives of anyone directly or indirectly touched by early pregnancy loss, with practical and generous advice and suggestions along the way.

Genres: Nonfiction

352 pages, Paperback

Published April 5, 2023

Reviews

[Robert Watson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a rare beast! A non- fiction page turner.
I couldn't wait for the next page to see what else I could learn from this thoroughly researched book. So personal and honest but investigated with such skill that it makes this book compulsory reading for every Dr, nurse and ultrasonographer. We need to do much better in caring for women experiencing early pregnancy loss and this book gives us the means and the impetus to do so.

[Caddyshack Project · Rating 4 out of 5]

Caddyshack three word review:
Hopeful, validating & hard hitting

[Emma Saperstein · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book took me 6 months (and two miscarriages) to read. I appreciated the deep and intentional attention to people’s stories, the investigation into cause, the emphasis on improving health services around miscarriage care and the chapters on indigenous miscarriage support. I feel for the tenderness of Izzy’s experience. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but there were elements of the writing that felt performative and were hard to relate to.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

A very thoroughly researched book switching between firsthand lived experience of someone who has had miscarriages whilst also synthesising research and activism from all over the world into bitesize, accessible chapters - I found this book really valuable as a healthcare professional who’s seen both sides of the miscarriage experience and would really recommend it, especially to someone supporting loved ones with pregnancy loss.

[Jessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

It’s taken me some time to read this as well as write this review:
Loosing babies at any stage is horrific. What’s another level of sadness is when you don’t have answers.
To this day, miscarriage is still said in hushed tones. No one knows what to say or how to react.
This book may be hard for many. I certainly had trouble.

[Claire · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is definitely a book that everyone needs to read, young, old, man, woman and everyone in between. I have not had a miscarriage but it is still something I think people should be educated on because we will all know someone who it has affected. This is a good balance between science and facts as well as personal stories. Sometimes it's hard to read as the stories are heartbreaking but they need to heard.

[Hannah Swan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Everyone needs to read this book. As hard as it is for some people to hear/read about miscarriage, there's so much information in this book that is so valuable and worth reading. It's a great mix of facts/information and real life stories.
There were tears, sadness, anger, laughs and happiness throughout my journey of reading this book, and with that, I learnt so much more than I was expecting. I love everything about this book and I recommend everyone to read it.

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I set out to read this book because, as a healthcare professional taking care of patients who are miscarrying, as a female knowing I may indeed miscarry, as a friend, as a daughter, every story is not the same.

There were good chapters and there were bad chapters. There were treatises on environmental and social issues. There were redundant facts and unnecessary paragraphs. There were interesting tidbits and fascinating research.

I feel for Isy, knowing her family was incomplete, but my momma always quoted Thumper: If you can’t say nothin’ nice, don’t say nothin’ at all.

[Annemoney · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wished I had this in my first week of my miscarriage - thanks to the author for being so open

[Sarah May · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book to be informative, interesting and reassuring - having read what feels like every website and blog on the website relating to missed and recurrent miscarriage, I feel like I finished this book knowing a bit more about the science/biology of pregnancy loss, but also how it tends to be managed from a medical perspective in Australia (spoiler alert: usually not well). Excerpts of Isy's own experience were interwoven throughout the book and I really appreciate her honesty and vulnerability in sharing some really difficult times. I firmly believe that the more we crack open the taboo of miscarriage and share real experiences, the better we will be as a society at supporting people through a common yet devastating time. It has certainly solidified my approach to be as honest as possible with anyone who wants to know about my experiences. Thanks for writing this book, Isy.

[Denise Tan · Rating 4 out of 5]

As I’m trying to make peace and make sense with my 2 recurrent pregnancy loses 🪽🪽👼 , I’m on the road to learn more about the space.

It took me a long time to finish this because so many of the truths and research in it hit painfully close to home. The way miscarriage and pregnancy loss are handled in reality is confronting. Women’s bodies are incredibly complex and it still baffles me that after centuries of science and medical progress……we still don’t receive the attention, investment, or understanding we deserve to unlock all questions and mysteries behind it all.

This book unpacks the “why” behind that.. from the gaps in funding, the lack of investment, and the systemic blind spots. Overall this book shines a light on how losses (and the investigative journeys that follow) are approached in Australia. And Spoiler alert? Not well at all.

[texbsquared · Rating 4 out of 5]

On the whole, I found this to be a beautifully written, enlightening book. Raw and brutally honest, with such vulnerability.

There were certain bits I feel a bit uncomfortable about, particularly the seeming lack of consideration for disability justice in discussing termination of a foetus with Downs sydnrome (especially before the mention of incompatibility with life). I wish Isy had spent more time and nuance on how the disabled community feels about these decisions, especially prospective parents with a disability. However, understanding huge complicated messy feelings at play, and I still admire the book hugely.

[Hannah · Rating 4 out of 5]

I appreciated all the science and research in this book, I haven’t found that level of detail in any of the other miscarriage books I’ve read. This is focused on Australian healthcare, but much of it was relevant to the US. I’m extremely sad to find out that the insensitivity my miscarriage was treated with by most care providers is in fact pretty standard and not an unusual thing. The title is good. It is hard to bear.

[Janet Burke · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an incredibly important piece of work ... sitting at the intersection of lived experience and diligent research and questioning the cultural issues at play in a world that overwhelmingly tells woman that miscarriage is natural and simply to be suffered silently. As someone who experienced recurrent miscarriage this book was so validating and as a counsellor I'm excited that there is now work like this in the public domain for the clients I support.

[Clemency Hinton · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting book but it was more anecdotal, personal and political than the ‘science of miscarriage’ indicated by the subtitle.

[Cassie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredible, informative and emotional. Teared up multiple times reading. Thanks for writing this