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Losing it

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A collection of fiction short stories by leading teen writers about losing your virginity

Including Melvin Burgess, Keith Gray, Patrick Ness, Sophie McKenzie, Bali Rai, Jenny Valentine, and Mary Hooper, some of today's leading writers for teens are gathered here in a wonderful collection of original stories—some funny, some moving, some haunting, but all revolving around the same subject—having sex for the first time! You never forget your first time and you'll never forget this book!

214 pages, Paperback

First published July 1, 2010

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About the author

Keith Gray

45 books57 followers
Keith Gray grew up in and around Grimsby and Cleethorpes on the east coast of England and decided he'd better take his writing ambition seriously after achieving 0% in his accountancy exams. His debut, 'Creepers', was published when he was only 24 and was shortlisted for the Guardian Fiction Prize. Since then his books have either won or been shortlisted for awards all over the world including the Sankei Cultural Publishing Prize of Japan, the American Library Association Best Books (YA) and the Booktrust Teenage Prize. In the UK his bestselling novel 'Ostrich Boys' was shortlisted for the prestigious CILIP Carnegie Medal, the Costa Children's Book Award and won the Scottish Children's Book Awards, and has been adapted for the stage. Keith has been a reviewer for both the Guardian and Scotsman newspapers. In 2017 he moved to live in Vienna, Austria, with his partner, their daughter and a parrot called Bellamy. Keith is a co-founder of Sunday Writers’ Club.

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Displaying 1 - 30 of 93 reviews
Profile Image for Jo.
268 reviews1,056 followers
December 8, 2011
“It’s that kind of story. Certain words are necessary because this is real life, but you can’t actually show ‘em because we’re too young to read about the stuff we actually do, yeah?”

Initial Final Page Thoughts.
Has anyone seen Cinema Paradiso?
If yes: Stick with me for this bit and read my highly convoluted intelligent analogy.
If no but you don’t mind it being spoilt: Stick with me for this bit and read my highly convoluted intelligent analogy.
If no but you would rather it not be spoilt: I loved this book and you can skip ahead to the high points.

You know the part where the priest tells Alfredo that he has to censor the films he shows in his cinema? And Alfredo explains this to Toto, his young apprentice, that he has to cut all the rude scenes out and all these clippings are in the big box? And then when the cut film is playing the audience boo because the scene cuts just when the couples are about to kiss?
That’s usually me when I’m reading a YA book.
I can probably count on both hands the books I’ve read recently where teenagers have sex.
Maybe I’m just reading the wrong books or maybe it’s because it doesn’t have any relevance to the story and the characters or maybe it’s because if a teenager reads a book where characters have sex, or even discuss sex, they will obviously run out and have immoral sex in an alley behind the nearest paper shop.

So at the end of Cinema Paradiso, Alfredo sends the now grown up Toto a film of all the rude scenes spliced together and it’s all emotional and lovely and brilliant.
This book was the literary equivalent of that end scene.
It was like Mr Gray had gone through all the snippets and cut scenes of books from YA writers all across the world and put them together into one fantastic collection.


High Points.
SEX! Home-grown writers. Realistic portrayal of emotions. Awkward parent chats. Awkward teacher chats. Great dialogue. Condoms on cucumbers. Vocal grannies. Footie shirts. Cock-cagoules. Hand-shandies. History. Diversity. The importance of being honest about sex. Truth. The censorship discussion.
If I could get away with giving this book five stars, full marks, performing a solo Mexican Wave in its honour based solely on Mr Ness’ “It’s Different For Boys”....I would.
But unfortunately I can’t.
So anyone who has ever seen me wear my “I LOVE NESS” t-shirt heard me talking about Ness and his writing will know that it makes me lose my [blank] mind.
And these 50 pages or so were no exception.
My other favourites were Scoring by Keith Gray, The White Towel by Bali Rai and The Way It Is by Sophie McKenzie.


Low Points.
I wish there had been more stories told from the perspective of the girls. Out of the eight stories, only two were told from the perspective of the ladies. (I’m not counting Anne Fine’s because it’s told from a teacher’s viewpoint and Ms McKenzie’s was told from alternating perspective ) . Maybe it was just because the first four stories were about the boys but, to me anyway, it seemed to be an extremely male-centric book.
I actually enjoyed all of the stories but I couldn’t help but think that both Melvin Burgess and Mary Hooper’s stories would have been so much better if they were part of a longer book.
But the more I think about it, the more that is actually a high point because I wanted to know more about their brilliant characters… but, whatever… I had to find something, didn’t I?


Theme Tune.
I struggled to narrow my collection down to one.... so I didn't.
Here are a few because
There | were | about | a | million | that | I | could | have | chosen.

But I’ll leave the decision with you.

Sadness Scale.
It’s difficult to give a number because most of these stories are absolutely hilarious so they kind of toned the sadness down.
But I will say that Bali Rai and Mary Hooper’s story practically gutted me. I’ve never read anything by either of those two authors but based on those stories I definitely will be doing so in the future.

Recommended For.
People who boo when YA books fade to black or get all tongue-tied when *whispers* sex is brought up. People who are looking for a collection of hilarious, heart breaking and realistic contemporary stories. People who have ever had an awkward conversation with their parents and teachers about sex.


You can read this review and other exciting things on my blog here.
Profile Image for Laura.
1,520 reviews253 followers
February 24, 2012
Losing It presents 8 stories and 8 authors all with different ideas, takes, and views on losing one’s virginity. Did I really, should I, maybe, yes, no, all the way—however the decision or outcome unfolded--I can say for sure ALL of these voices made an impact on me.

Scoring by Keith Gray opened this collection of stories with a fun, relaxed tale about whether sex before a game will throw off your game. Hehe… The myths surrounding sex make me shake my head in awe, laughter, shame, and where the hell did that one come from?

“Maybe I needed to leave being a kid on the football pitch. Maybe Tara was the future, and being with her was being an adult. Maybe being an adult was all about maybes.”

I think "maybe" adults haven’t figured any of it out either! ;)

Ms. Jenny Valentine’s The Age of Consent held one of my favorite female voices in the book. When a family 16th birthday luncheon turns into a discussion on sex all kinds of emotions come to the table. Every thing from humiliation, disgust, curiosity, anger, and sadness are served up.

“You can’t just sweep sex under the rug. Dora was saying. You might as well fling it out there.”

Could not agree with ya more, Dora! Talk about sex and get it out there! Blush if you have to—hell everyone has, does, and will at some point in life. Just put the topic out there for young adults! By doing just that, Dora gave 16 year old Birdie the best gift ever!

Now we have come to the fan girl part of the program. Please stand by for gushing, giggling, and flat out declarations of love! Different for Boys by Patrick Ness is hands down my favorite story. These boys left a big impression on my heart when they squeezed the hell out of it! I found myself laughing out loud one minute and then barely holding my heart together the next! Ant (greatest name ever!), Charlie, Jack, and Freddie each pulled at my heart in different ways with humor, compassion, longing, loneliness, and fear. The style, voices, characters, and message just busted out of this story and will remain with me always.

“I think I’m the one who says.”

It is hard not to say more here, but I believe readers need to discover and experience this hilarious and touching voice on their own. The power, mixed in with the smiles and laughter, will sneak right up on you!

….sigh….I wish I could discuss every story and character in this book because they all touched my heart and mind, but I think you should discover and listen for yourself! This is a heartfelt, thought provoking, intelligent, sad, and adorable collection of voices and points of view that will hopefully inspire readers to start up discussions of their own.

So all that said, this collection helped me learn several new British terms, find several new authors, discover Patrick Ness can do no wrong--meaning I will read anything and everything the man puts out here, changed the way I look at Gonzo from the Muppets forever, and made quite a few memories of my own bubble to the surface. :D

See what it does to you.

I don’t pull out the “must-read” a lot, but this is a definite must read in my book.


Profile Image for Stephanie (Stepping Out Of The Page).
465 reviews226 followers
September 30, 2011
This was alright but it wasn't anything particularly good. Out of all of the stories in the book, I'd say that 'Different for Boys' by Patrick Ness stood out most. The book is a good idea - probably slightly better for teenagers of 13-16. The stories are all about sex and/or virginity and try to show experiences and the emotions involved of several different characters. I think the best thing about this book is the variety - there are stories concerning cultural issues, sexuality issues and even a historical story concerning prostitution. As they're all short stories, they're an okay read. The writing isn't stunning but it seems quite real - the authors really haven't held anything back and have given a frank look on sex. I don't think all of these stories will be very memorable, but it was worth a read all the same.
Profile Image for Biel.
38 reviews1 follower
April 8, 2021
Stories:

Scoring - 3

The Age of Consent - 5 (+1...Because I've never had so much fun reading a story. Everyone needs a Dora in their family)

Chat-up Lines - 3

Different for Boys - 4 (I still dont understand why put the black boxes)

Charlotte - 4

The Way It Is - 3

The White Towel - 4 (Definitely the most difficult to read, but so important)

Finding It - 5 (The perfect ending for this anthology)
Profile Image for Rizal.
153 reviews25 followers
November 12, 2015
For a very short book, it took me quite some time to finished it. I didn't loved it but I liked some of it especially The White Towel by Bali Rai, Green Screen by Andrew Smith, Different for Boys by Patrick Ness and Charlotte by Mary Hooper.

This is a collection of short stories with a theme of 'losing the virginity'.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
Profile Image for Ela.
800 reviews56 followers
September 28, 2013
I was very excited to read this book, I like most of the contributing authors, and three of them have provided me with 5 star books. Looking back, the book got better as it went on, but I feel a little disappointed.

Let me give you a run down of the stories:

Keith Gray, Scoring: A boy tires to decide weather to sleep with his girlfriend, he knows he shouldn't but since his girlfriend is a 'good-looking one, not a minger', he probably will.
Verdict: Dull

Jenny Valentine, The Age of Consent: A grandma starts talking unashamedly about sex over a family dinner, much to the embarrassment of her family.
Verdict: Amusing, but dull.

Melvin Burgess, Chat-up Lines: A 15 year old inadvertently lies to a 17 year old and is then forced to decide between sex and telling the truth. Hmm, I wonder what he'll pick.
Verdict: Predictable, I expected more from the author of Junk.

Patrick Ness, It's different for Boys: I can't give you a brief synopsis because (praise Patrick Ness) the story was too complex!!
Verdict: This story saved the book. It was emotional, thought provoking and original. This didn't feel like the author practising for a 'real' novel, it was a legitimate story.

Mary Hooper, Charlotte: Set in Victorian England, Charlotte struggles to support her brothers after the death of her mother. Living in poverty she catches undesirable attention.
Verdict: Intriguing, very different from the other stories. The historical setting was unexpected but really worked. I've never read much of Mary Hooper but this story inspired me to try.

Sophie McKenzie, The Way it Is: A split narrative, it follows a boy and a girl in the lead up to the night in which the intend to have sex with each other.
Verdict: Engaging, I really liked the dual narrative it really added to the sense of realism, having two different perspectives. There was also a unpredictable, slightly dark undertone throughout which was great, it really added to the mystique and made it very much bittersweet.

Bali Rai, The White Towel:: A British Asian girl has a flash back to time in India and learning the harsh truth about honour killing.
Verdict: The flash back was well written, in a sort of fairy tale style. But the beginning and ending of the story (the girl talking to her British friend) was a little tedious. It was only there to allow English teens to be able to associate with the situation of the Indian girl; wich I found a little patronising.

Anne Fine, Finding It: A Upper School teacher teaches a sex-ed class and thinks about how different it was in 'the old days'.
Verdict: I liked that it was written from a different perspective but I thought the assumptions made by the narrator were rather stereotypical; no one in the 70s knew how to have sex but now kids a experts from the age of 15.

With the exception of Patrick Ness, Mary Hooper and possibly Sophie MckKenzie's stories I was not provided with the 'original and thought-provoking' experience that I was hoping for. In fact read more like the case studies of 'Jane and Jack' you are given in PSCH or Sex-Ed; informative, really not intended to actually interest you.

But Thank You! to Patrick Ness, who once again didn't disappoint, to Mary Hooper who pleasantly surprised me and to Sophie McKenzie who intrigued me. You are the reason I wish I could give this collection more than 3 stars.
Profile Image for Anna.
664 reviews48 followers
July 14, 2013
I read this with a very specific purpose: I was looking for short stories to read to 15-16 yr olds during 'tutor time' (I'm guessing that's home group.) The stories are short but I'm not convinced they would work. the strongest story by Patrick Ness is probably too 'risky' for most tutors and the less risky ones are a bit bland.

The problem with the short story genre in this subject area is that you need to invest in the characters before they get themselves into the highly charged emotional situation of losing their virginity. For most of these stories that didn't happen.

As a straight read it has some merit if only for Patrick Ness' story; loved the cover!

Scoring by Keith Gray
Disappointing - Keith Gray's writing is usually very strong. This was all a bit twee. I really wasn't convinced by the boy's dilemma, the coach's speech or his heart to heart with his best friend.
1/5

The Age of Consent by Jenny Valentine
Not sure about this story based around Dora the great aunt. I love Jenny Valentine but I felt she was trying to construct too many characters too quickly. I liked the generational theme though.
3/5

Chat-Up Lies by Melvin Burgess
I quite liked this: chatting up an older girl - and dealing with the fall out, whilst not seeing the obvious.
3/5


Different for Boys by Patrick Ness
Ness manages to draw you into each of his characters and consequently this works. I wasn't sure about the black boxes at first, but Ness' ability to play with and explore language is fabulous.
5/5

Charlotte by Mary Hooper
I couldn't decide about this one: the only Victorian story. I found it predictable but that is the consequence of a short story -only so much space to develop the main plot. Not sure if teens would find it more interesting and less familiar.
3/5

The Way It Is by Sophie McKenzie
I liked this one. Two voices - male and female illustrating different experiences and expectations around the same event.
4/5

The White Towel by Bali Rai
Again, I liked this but found it predictable for the same reasons as the story above. Again teens may see it differently depending on their experience and general knowledge. Good to have another cultural dimension but not very subtle.
3/5

Finding It by Anne Fine
I found this the weakest. This might be as I was still thinking in terms of tutor reads: the idea of a teacher reading a story about a teacher teaching a group of students sex ed and reflecting on her own sexual experiences wouldn't work. I also felt that the assumption that all the students were comfortable with sex was a little naïve.
1/5(less)
Profile Image for Harriet.
678 reviews63 followers
June 11, 2014
This book of short stories is a good idea in principle, being a book about 'everything you ever wanted to know about virginity but your parents were too embarrassed to tell you', but I found a lot of the stories to be based around masculine sexuality (surprise, surprise). Patrick Ness did a good job basing his story around homosexual experiences and characters and Mary Hooper's choice to do a historical short story was a nice change but they are the only two that I felt didn't treat women as passive within sexuality or didn't really mention women at all. This book doesn't really tell you anything about virginity.
Profile Image for Dave Cousins.
Author 29 books43 followers
September 26, 2012
Reading this made me wonder why short story collections aren't more popular. We're always being told that the average attention span is getting shorter – particularly among young people – so surely this format is a perfect way to remind readers young and old of the delights to be found between the covers of a book?

I bought LOSING IT because I'm a fan of a number of the contributing authors. Keith Gray, Patrick Ness, Melvin Burgess and Jenny Valentine hadn't disappointed in the past, so I was confident I would like their stories included here. Given the title and the connecting theme of the collection "all revolving around having sex for the first time" I thought I knew what to expect. Just in case you're wondering (or worried) it's not salacious – in fact I was continually surprised by the different approaches to the subject and in some cases, the way the stories themselves played out. There isn't a dull tale among these and I'd be hard pushed to pick a favourite because so many of them made me think and stayed with me long after I'd put the book down – the sign of a great story.

Since reading the collection I've gone in search of full length novels by the authors I hadn't read before and have Keith Gray's second collection for Andersen – NEXT – lined up to read … well, next!

I won't go into detail about any of the stories, because I don't want to spoil it for you. Suffice to say – pick up a copy from your local bookshop or library – you won't regret it …
Profile Image for Sara .
1,289 reviews126 followers
November 9, 2014
A bunch of British authors plus AS King tackling the topic of losing one's virginity? Sounds like a good idea, and for the most part it was.

My favorite story was a surprise, because it was by Patrick Ness, whose other works I have absolutely failed to enjoy before. But his story of British schoolboy love and specifically love (or something possibly more confusing) between British schoolboys at an all boys school was so artfully done. Great story structure and real emotional honesty.

Many of the stories dealt with the emotional side of deciding to have sex for the first time, mainly around the question, "Who am I doing this for? And why I am doing this? Do I even know?". That was cool.

AS King's story was cool. Duh.

I only really disliked the two stories that felt to me to be the most heavyhanded. One was about the consequences of not being a female virgin in rural India, and the other was about an extremely poor teen girl in Victorian England who might have to make a decision to become a prostitute in order to survive. I just didn't feel like there was anything "new" or enlightening about these two stories, and they felt kind of bombastic compared to the more subtle things most of the other stories were exploring.

Will be interesting to see if students go for this book in my library. Short story collections tend to not be that popular.
Profile Image for Kate.
918 reviews51 followers
November 5, 2013
A solid collection of stories about the fear, excitement, and bundle of emotions that come with the loss of virginity. A teen once told me, "Miss Kate, sex is a powerful thing." Out of the mouth of babes.
Profile Image for Bridget.
1,381 reviews2 followers
December 24, 2014
I'm giving it two stars. One for Patrick Ness & one for Andrew Smith. This book and it's short stories were just sad. Almost every one made me sad. The writing wasn't bad or anything. The content was depressing though.
Profile Image for Tatiana.
1,508 reviews11.2k followers
November 13, 2012
As the rest of the reviewers said, Patrick Ness's story is the best. Everything else is pretty mediocre and done too many times before.
Profile Image for Jessica .
542 reviews28 followers
December 6, 2013
I haven't read a YA short story collection in years! What is wrong with me?

Also, I think this was my very first Patrick Ness story. Don't tell Elena.
Profile Image for Kristen.
2,033 reviews39 followers
September 5, 2015
Not really what I expected...I was hoping for some cute YA stories. Some of these are dark and depressing and not fun at all.
Profile Image for Joanne.
1,026 reviews171 followers
November 7, 2015
Originally posted on Once Upon a Bookcase.

An anthology of short stories from eight UKYA authors on losing your virginity, Losing It was an obvious title to cover for SiTL Month II. Having now read it, I think it's a fantastic book, but I'm a little worried about some of the unhealthy ideas that are put across in the odd few stories. Really long review coming up.

Losing It has a wide variety of stories; historical and present day, teenage narrators and adults, both male and female, straight and LGBTQ, POC characters. The plots are in no-way similar, but all have something to say on having sex for the first time. Losing It isn't very graphic, and I have to say, I was surprised that in some, the characters don't actually have sex; it's a look back on the first time, or decisions are made and it doesn't happen, or we don't find out one way or the other. But it's the focus of each story. I'm going to talk a little about each story.

Scoring by Keith Gray

In Scoring, Jason is the star of his school's football team. Tomorrow is the first final the team has ever made, and their coach has banned all players from having sex, but tonight was meant to be the night that Jason and Tara have sex for the first time. What's Jason going to do?

The story on the whole is pretty good, looking at Jason's confusion over what is the right thing to do: for him, for the team, for Tara, for his popularity. What really struck me in this story is, although Jason is really into Tara and wants to have sex with her, the main reason for wanting to have sex is so he doesn't have to lie about it anymore, that he doesn't feel like an outcast for being a virgin. I know it's a common view - it's not cool to be a virgin, the idea, although not spoken so bluntly, was around when I was at school - but it's just so sad to read as an adult. Jason himself finds it a little unfair that this is how things are.

'"These days if you want to fit in you need to have a girlfriend too - and a good-looking one, not a minger. And she can't be frigid, she's got to let you shag her. Because you can't be popular and a virgin too. I mean, Jesus, who made up all these rules all of a sudden?"'
(p15, Scoring by Keith Gray)

I really hate the word "frigid". I'm not complaining about the use of it, because it makes sense for Jason to use it in this context, but the whole idea behind it. That it's a bad thing if a girl says "no" (I say girl for the sake of this story, but I've never heard the word used in relation to a boy), and she'll get insulted for doing so. And "let you shag her" bothers me a little too, as if sex is something that happens to a girl, that she allows to happen, but not something she herself takes part in and can take pleasure from. It's a really outdated idea. Jason is generalising in the quote above, and actually isn't a bad guy. As he goes back and forth trying to decide what to do, at one point he comes to the conclusion that maybe what Tara thinks and wants to do is more important than anything else (that's not the end of the story though, so I'm not giving anything away there), it's just the idea that I have a problem with.

The next two stories I don't have a huge amount to say on, so I'm going to look at them quickly together. The Age of Consent by Jenny Valentine is a mostly humourous story, where Dora, Finn's mother's 73-year-old step-mother, brings up the topic of sex around the dinner table during a Birthday lunch. It's hilarious, all these people gathered, adults and children alike, and this elderly woman discussing how big a man from her past was. This story literally had me laughing out loud, it was so funny! But it takes a slightly darker tone halfway through, and becomes quite thought-provoking. A really powerful story. Chat-Up Lines by Melvin Burgess is another lighthearted story about a boy losing his virginity to an older girl, who isn't aware that he's a few years younger than her. He keeps it quiet, knowing he wouldn't stand a chance if she knew. It's written in such a way that you don't even really consider how crappy it is that he tricked her into bed, but I guess it's kind of realistic.

Different For Boys by Patrick Ness

Different For Boys is a really interesting story. It's an LGBTQ story, and so deals with sexuality and questions about sexuality, and is one of the sadder ones in the book. But it looks at something I had never considered before; when does a boy lose his virginity? Or anyone, really?

This story makes it clear that it's a story. Certain swearwords and anything graphic are blacked-out - when one character, Charlie, swears, he actually asks '"What are these ******* black boxes?"' (p75). (Because of what Goodreads does and doesn't allow coding wise, I'm using stars, but you can see this illustrated better on my blog - click the link at the top.) It makes the story slightly amusing, because you can have whole sentences where only one or two words aren't blacked out, leaving the reader to guess at what sexual acts, and what how's and why's, are behind them. Though some sentences aren't so heavily blacked out, so it's clear enough what's being intimated.

At the beginning of the story, Ant, the narrator, lists all the sexual acts he has done, when he reaches the last:

'5. And of course we wouldn't be talking about this if I hadn't actually ******. You know, actually ************************, which is pretty much the definition of losing your virginity if you're a boy.'
(p74, Different For Boys by Patrick Ness)

But then he goes on to say:

'I suppose my question is, though, where exactly on that list did I stop being a virgin?
Is it obviously number 5? Or can it happen sooner, like on 3? Or even 2?
Are there degrees of virginity? Is there a points system? A league table?
And who gets to say?
Because maybe it's not as clear as all that. Maybe there's more to it. Maybe there are people who'd still say I'm a virgin, even after doing numbers 1 to 5.
In fact, I might be one of those people.'
(p74-75, Different For Boys by Patrick Ness)

I found this a really interesting idea. Sex and sexual intercourse don't necessarily have to be the same thing; you can have sex without penetration. I saw on a TV programme once a sex expert saying how straight men don't consider foreplay to be sex, if it doesn't go all the way, then it was "only" this, or "only" that. Yet male gay couples do not have to have penetration involved to class what they're doing as having sex. So perhaps "sex" has a different definition depending on who you are. And if that's the case, could the same be said for when you've lost your virginity, especially if you're a boy? It's an interesting idea, and links to something mentioned in Finding It, a later story by Anne Fine.

Charlotte by Mary Hooper

Charlotte is quite a sad historical story about how a teenage girl tries to provide for her family after the death of her mother. Not only does it highlight how things are much easier for people these days, but the different attitudes towards sex. Specifically sex before marriage.

During a conversation with her neighbour, Mrs Kyle, the older lady says:

'"Your maidenhead is the most precious possession you own. You must keep it for the man you marry."'
(p132, Charlotte by Mary Hooper)

Although for some religions and cultures this is something they believe in quite strongly, generally this is such an antiquated idea. A later discussion goes on to show just how bad things used to be if you weren't a virgin when you got married.

'"Once a woman is fallen she is outside the bounds of society," Mrs Kyle went on. "There's a line between rich and poor, you know, and another - a more insurmountable line - between those who are respectable and those who are not. In spite of the poor life I lead, in spite of my miserable circumstances, I have a ring on my finger and so I am classed as respectable. A fallen woman can never be that. No decent man would ever want to marry her."'
(p139, Charlotte by Mary Hooper)

That last line gave me such a jolt. It's so hard to imagine now, that a girl would be so looked down on for not being a virgin. It shows how much things have changed. Especially when thought of in regards to the quote from Scoring - '"she can't be frigid"'.

The Way It Is by Sophie McKenzie

The Way It Is is a story with dual narrative, of two teenagers, Sam and Katya, planning on losing their virginity to each other. It's really eye-opening to see how they both think and feel differently about what's to come, and what they have done before.

I did have a few issues with this story, have to say. The following quote is when Sam's Dad is trying to have The Talk with him now he has a girlfriend, and I disagree with what he's saying.

'"Sex for the girl is different," he said. "Seriously, dude, I've been everywhere and done everything and I can honestly tell you it doesn't matter how cool or tough she seems, for girls sex is always an emotional thing as well as... er... So when the time comes, whenever you and she are ready, you need to remember that she's going to need more time before to... to deal with what's happening."'
(p151, The Way It Is by Sophie McKenzie)

Is this not just blatant sexism? Sure, sex is an emotional thing for some, but not all. You could argue that he's talking about first time sex, but 1) He said "always", and 2) Even if he was, again, that's not strictly the case. It's a gross generalisation. Ok, sure, maybe it's a good idea for guys to know that they should be respectful and consider the girl's feelings and what she wants, etc, of course, but I don't think it's right to put that idea across with such a generalisation. His Dad does a pretty bad job with the whole conversation, but still, I don't think that's right.

And then later, there's this:

'"Anyway, you're only a slag if you do, like, random guys, like Laura Atkins. Everyone knows that."'
(p159, The Way It Is by Sophie McKenzie)

Do I really need to express how angry that line makes me? Do I?

However, I do like how, though briefly, the idea that it's not all wonderful - even before you have sex - is got across.

'"But the touching itself was a bit boring. Both ways - in fact. I mean, what's so great about having your boobs kneaded like dough and someone jabbing his finger inside you?"'
(p158, The Way It Is by Sophie McKenzie)

I would have liked it if this was explored a little more - sometimes it's good, sometimes it's not, it's personal and depends on what you like - rather than left just like that.

The next story is The White Towel by Bali Rai, in which Preet, a young Asian girl learns about honour killings through being told a family secret while on Holiday in India. It's quite a disturbing story, but it shows how strongly some cultures feel about the need for a bride to be a virgin on her wedding night. It also dispells the myth of girls always bleeding during their first time. It's a great to show the harsh realities of come countries.

Finding It by Anne Fine

In Finding It, a teacher leads a Sex Ed class. Mrs Abbot narrates the story, and marvels at the way things have changed from her generation to the one she's teaching. How she feels the class is unnecessary, because her students probably know a lot more than she did at their age, know everything she would teach. It's a story that shows the sexual freedom people now have, especially girls.

'But isn't it nice that they can tell each other what they want and what they like?... I just have this memory of trying to please one man after another, and never getting any satisfaction for myself, except the feeling I had done a good job.
On them. Not me.
Fat chance of any of these little ladies sitting in front of me now acting in such a self-sacrificial way. And good for them.'
(p203, Finding It by Anne Fine)

Mrs Abbot goes on to discuss further how enjoying sex herself was a long time coming simply because it wasn't really about the girl back then, and even briefly intimates at female masturbation.

'It must have been years after knowing Peter that I even realised what sex was truly all about.
Could they imagine all those wasted years? Probably not. They'd have to understand that no one explained, and magazines weren't helpful, describing things in such a delicate way that, frankly, unless you already knew exactly what they were trying to tell you, you wouldn't grasp the point. There certainly weren't the pages of bluntly worded advice that you get now to help the tardy on the way to personal satisfaction. I swear that, until I was twenty-five I would have passed exams in differential calculus more easily than I'd have given myself a thrill.'
(p205, Finding It by Anne Fine)

I mentioned before that Different For Boys kind of links to Finding It. Where Different For Boys talks about deciding when you're not a virgin, Finding It talks about the times that don't matter - sometimes including the first - until it does; the time it starts feeling good, when it's with the right person. To me, the way they link is that perhaps Mrs Abbot "decided" she was "no longer a virgin" that first time she enjoyed it?

In some of these stories, I've mentioned things I'm not completely happy with. Now, I don't know what the right thing is to do; for the authors to write these things, they are being realistic, these are the views of teenagers these days. And yet... should authors be trying to change these unhealthy, wrong ideas? I think we can all agree that these things need to change, but where should the change start? Is it an author's responsibility to correct these misleading perceptions? I just don't know. All I know is I feel uncomfortable with the idea of teenagers reading such things, and feel such notions have been backed up by a book.

Saying that, Losing It is overall a great anthology with stories for everyone, that really gets you thinking.

Thank you to Andersen Press for the review copy.
Profile Image for Michael.
1,070 reviews9 followers
May 17, 2017
Honestly, I picked up this book to read the Andrew Smith and Patrick Ness stories. I found it delightful, discussing losing one's virginity from different gender's point of view, different culture's point of view, and various age ranges. Dora's frank discussion of sex with her grandchildren had me giggling. Patrick Ness's "Different for Boys" tells Ant and Charlie's story, with words blacked out for humorous effect, made me sad at the same time. Bali Rai's "The White Towel" was the most powerful as it demonstrates how lies can affect someone's life. Andrew Smith's "Green Screen" made me want to know more about the calendar and how Mr. Hertz reacted to it. The varied viewpoints made a colorful blend of discussion about losing virginity, reminding me that is it always different for everyone.
Profile Image for Chelsea.
1,691 reviews47 followers
January 19, 2020
This collection of short stories about losing ones virginity was varied, raw and real. It looked at "losing it" from the perspectives of multiple cultures, sexualities, and ages which was refreshing. Some stories were better written and more interesting to read than others; there were vastly different opinions and writing styles that comprised this compilation of stories due to input from eight different authors. Aside from that, the main issue I had with it overall was that it often felt depressing to read - fraught with melancholia from not so wonderful or consentual sex. It was thought-provoking, however; I will give it that.
Profile Image for Pau.
194 reviews7 followers
January 27, 2020
I don't really know how to rate this one? I started it yesterday and honestly don't remember what some of the short stories in it are about.
From those i do remember Patrick Ness, Bali Rai and Jenny Valentine's were my favorites, i think they really showed an interesting perspective on the subject of virginity and dating as a teen as a whole, especially Bali Rai's story.
Amongst the other stories, none of them were bad, i just didn't enjoy them as much and they didn't resonate with me the way the three mentioned before did. The last story was a good way to close the anthology, really rounding out every work and making a positive point about sex beyond the subject of virginity only.
Profile Image for Max.
563 reviews9 followers
September 3, 2017
I read this book because I was looking for Patrick Ness' new book, which isn't out yet, and the guy at the bookstore got excited about the fact that I love Patrick Ness and insisted that I read this collection of short stories. Patrick Ness' may have been the best story in the collection, actually. Every story is about teenagers having sex for the first time, and each story approaches the subject in a unique way. I enjoyed all but one or two of the stories very much.
Profile Image for Jess Mansker.
9 reviews2 followers
January 17, 2018
This book was so great! I know what you're thinking, but it's really not like that... ok, maybe some of it is.... but the stories in this collection were so diverse! My favorites were the stories by Mary Hooper (about child prostitution with a historic fic twist), Patrick Ness, and Bali Rai (a heart-wrenching story about honor killings). I am so glad I decided to give this collection a go!
Profile Image for glühwurm.
21 reviews
July 3, 2020
Keith Gray: "Torschusspanik" - ★★★☆☆
Jenny Valentine: "Mündig sein" - ★★☆☆☆
Melvin Burgess: "Anmachsprüche" - ★★★☆☆
Patrick Ness: "Für Jungs anders" - ★★★★☆
Mary Hooper: "Charlotte" - ★★★☆☆
Sophie McKenzie: "So ist es nun mal" - ★★★☆☆
Bali Rai: "Das weiße Handtuch" - ★★★☆☆
Anne Fine: "Finding it oder Wie man den Richtigen erwischt" - ★★★☆☆

average rating: 3.0
Profile Image for Helen.
3,654 reviews82 followers
May 31, 2024
This is a set of ten stories about losing one's virginity. It is aimed at teens, but adults can enjoy it, too. The themes varied widely, from straight to gay, consensual to rape, sweet love to prostitution, and "doing it" to "not doing it." My two favorite stories (5 star) were "Chat-Up Lines" and "Finding It."
Profile Image for enchatedfire.
123 reviews20 followers
August 17, 2017
Didn't particularly like any of the stories except for Patrick Ness and Sophie McKenzie's. I had anticipated this a lot and I was fairly disappointed by it overall. It was fine but not what I was expecting from it.
Profile Image for Danielle.
856 reviews
November 12, 2019
Ten stories. About unhealthy/abusive relationships, deciding not to have sex, trying and not succeeding, and in two cases, young boys getting to have sex with experienced older girls. (Did you guess that those two were written by men? You are correct.)

I'm glad that at least a few of them were about positive, consensual experiences. But both of the stories with the younger boy/older girl had dishonesty in them. One, the boy was lying about his age. The other, the boy was cheating on a girlfriend--and there was no condom use! Am I expecting too much morality/maturity/responsibility from teenagers? I feel like don't cheat and do use protection is a pretty low bar...

These stories just made me feel sad, honestly. That we're still writing cautionary tales about rape culture. I want to see positive narratives around sex. Empowerment, knowledge, enthusiastic consent, communication, respect. We are all capable of that.


Profile Image for Sophia Adams.
602 reviews29 followers
April 16, 2021
Je voulais moins de histoires tristes et plus de histoires heureuses. À part de ça, je l'ai trouvé très intéressant et particulièrement courant pour moi maintenant.
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