How to Raise a Jewish Dog

by Ellis Weiner, Barbara Davilman, Rabbis of Boca Raton Theological Seminary

Questions to Ask a Breeder: 1. What kind of job is this, growing dogs? 2. Are these dogs nice? I mean of course they are. But if not, is this refundable? 3. Is this a stable business? Do you make a decent living? 4. Does the insurance kill you or is it okay? 5. Dogs are animals ? does this mean you qualify for some kind of Federal ranch subsidies? 6. What do I say to people who want to know how I can spend $1500 and up on a dog when there are so many dogs to be rescued from the pound?


The (make-believe) Rabbis of the (fictional) Boca Raton Theological Seminary have developed the essential dog training program for raising a Jewish dog. For the first time, the same dynamic blend of passive-aggressiveness and smothering indulgence, that unique alloy of infantilization and disingenuous manipulation that created generations of high-achieving Jewish boys and girls, can be applied to create a generation of high-achieving Jewish doggies. Written (for real) by Ellis Weiner and Barbara Davilman, co-authors of the bestselling Yiddish with Dick and Jane and Yiddish with George and Laura, this essential "guide" is sure to be a complete howl.

Genres: Humor, Dogs, Judaism, Nonfiction, Jewish, Animals, Religion

176 pages, Paperback

First published September 5, 2007

Reviews

[Cathy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Very silly. I think it would only work for people who are Jewish and have or have had dogs, or those who love those crazy folk (like me!). There are a lot of inside jokes that wouldn't make much sense to someone who doesn't know much about stereotypical Jewish culture. I enjoyed it and I'm sure it would also make my Catholic best friend laugh to see my behavior in the sarcastic but often too true descriptions. I was a little dismayed to recognize myself so frequently in the chapters.

The funniest part was the section on pet sitters at the end and the endless "Boca Raton Theological Seminary Comprehensive Multiphasic Biographical and Personality Dog Sitter Intake and Workup Profile Questionnaire." I have to say that reading the responses to that would definitely show whether I would trust someone with my dog. And everything else about them, as well. I just hope that no one actually follows that any of the "advice" in this satirical and funny book.

[Cindy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Laugh-out-loud silly. Will remind you of every neurotic you've ever known. (dogs, too)

"I'm telling you and you're not reading? Fine. Go ahead, don't read it. God forbid you should do anything on MY recommendation."

[Jennifer]

Very funny. I now know that I raised both my dogs Jewishly prior to reading the book. I love them like crazy and have never disciplined them at all, so that now they misbehave consistently, but boy, are they sweet. I do plead with them when they've done something wrong and employ situational martyrdom as needed. And I do rush them to the vet at every possible opportunity.

[Jocelyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm neither Jewish nor a dog owner, but having known both Jews and dog owners (along with the dogs, of course), I still enjoyed this book!

Sure, it may be a joke gone on too long, but taking it a bit a day, I found it fine. And they did a pretty good job imitating the sections that you'd find in a "real" dog-raising book.

[Julie Isen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had no idea just how jewish my dog already was when I started reading. I feel I've done a wonderful job since my dog is the best, most amazing little boy ever. I highly recommend this book to anyone with a dog and a sense of humor.

[Michael · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was...cute. And sometimes funny. However, the stereotypes were so broad that I could only roll my eyes. And I grew up with people like these. And we had a dog.

Oh well. 3.25. The .25 is for the last few pages which I liked very, very much.

[Judie · Rating 2 out of 5]

A lot of dog owners consider their pets to be their children and talk about them as if they were. HOW TO RAISE A JEWISH DOG extends that idea and uses child raising techniques, with a lot more patience, understanding, and guild inducement, which goes both ways.
There are some very funny segments in the book. e.g., the charts creating new hybrids and telling the advantages of being raised Jewish. My favorites are the Havanese, Welsh corgi, Labrador retriever which becomes the Havane-gi-La and is lots of fun at weddings and the Great Pyrenees Labrador retriever (chocolate), soft-coated wheaten terrier, Alaskan malamute, American Eskimo, chow chow which becomes a Great chocolate-coated Alaskan Eskimo chow who is not a picky eater.
The book covers health, diet, exercise, training, obedience, peer relationships, aging, and traveling and includes pictures.
The book includes many, many stereotypes of Jewish mothers (and fathers). It is well-thought out but, I think, goes on much too long.

[Oriyah N · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is sheer drivel. Or, as my husband put it, "that book isn't even worth the paper it's printed on." I suffered through without feeling the slightest inclination to crack a smile, let alone laugh aloud. I felt the seconds of my life being sucked away from me, and only sheer determination (coupled with my ability to read FAST) allowed me to slog through to the end. (It didn't even merit the train-wreck rubbernecking phenomenon that often follows lousy books around. It was just...not even horrible, just...content-less. The one thing it had going for it was the interesting, if stupid, coupling of the theological seminary and the dog training, until I read the author bio and realized that the whole concept was an invented ruse. Kind of like Anita Liberty, but poorly (if believably) executed. If my reading experience was any longer, I likely would have asked someone to execute me.

[Arnie · Rating 2 out of 5]

What could have been a clever take off on the Monks of New Skete instead turned into a rather predictable book that used the usual Jewish stereotypes to create humor. Not that the stereotypes were offensive; they were actually fine. Just not terribly creative.

[Arjuna G · Rating 3 out of 5]

So, nu, I laughed!

[Penelope Polins · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was so looking forward to this book's arrival, but sadly it wasn't nearly as funny as I hoped it would be.

[Rachel · Rating 2 out of 5]

It had a few LOL moments, but it kinda felt like a joke that went on too long.

[Sleepless Dreamer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Maybe 3.5 stars.

Idk. It just wasn't funny and I skimmed through a bit. The jokes were so repetitive and by the middle, I had felt I was done. I don't have that much to elaborate on that.

[Janet · Rating 4 out of 5]

How cultural Jews interact

Using the lens of dog training, a slightly amusing description of non-religious Jewish interaction and life-view. Could have been a one-page humor piece in The New Yorker.

[Lindsay · Rating 3 out of 5]

Super cute. A quick paced hilarious book that is mostly parody and Jewish humor. Every Jew and/or dog owner can relate to the sarcastic quips in this book.

[Pamela Hale · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hilarious! Better than the book "Yiddish with Dick and Jane"

[staykind · Rating 3 out of 5]

i'll admit, while i thought it could be a hundred pages shorter, i did laugh out loud multiple times. my hound seemed confused. a good alternative to reading the news.

[Kathy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very funny and silly

[Antonia Malvino · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious and inventive. Most enjoyable dog book ever.

[Andrea · Rating 4 out of 5]

A cute satire book on Judaism. A cute gift for anyone with a new dog.

[Suzi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Quick read and funny. Love the photos.

[Steve · Rating 3 out of 5]

Amusing

[Jason Kinn · Rating 3 out of 5]

The jokes in this book aren't good--but there are pictures of some very cute dogs.

[Don M. Jackson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just fun

A delightful read. Laughed out loud in many places which caused me to.get some awkward looks in public places. High recommendation

[Marlee Breakstone · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very funny and quick read!

[Marissa Flores · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very silly and cute

[Donna · Rating 3 out of 5]

There were parts of this that were hilarious, but the premise isn't really sustainable for 100+ pages. Most chapters have a couple of amazing one-liners and/or concepts, and then a bit of repetition and filler. The best was probably Diet and Exercise (The Relationship Between You and Your Dog and Training and Obedience were pretty great, too). It would make the best longish pamphlet ever, though.

Still, it's a quick, funny read, and you will almost certainly see yourself in at least some of the behaviours mentioned if you or your family has ever owned a dog.

[Abrah J. · Rating 3 out of 5]

Super quick read. Funny if you grew up in a Jewish household.

[Trish · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great fun for anyone who has a dog or a child. You don't even have to be Jewish or American!
Jewish humour is closer to Scots laughter (and nothing beats a Glaswegian Jew for deadpan wit btw)
A satire on the US Orthodox (Christian) Monks who raise German Shepherds, this book has a good laugh at all the overdoting dog owners who have developed ridiculous names for their mongrels ("designer cross breeds"), give ineffective instructions, attribute devious motives to their innocent canine, and so on.

So many parents of human children behave similarly - really think their tiny child is plotting to outwit them, rather than having genuine needs for love, attention, comfort and clear but flexible boundaries.

One issue I don't think was raised (thankfully) but as a retired paediatrician I can't help myself- does a Jewish dog have to be circumcised? (Forget I asked!)

[Cyndie Courtney · Rating 3 out of 5]

The introductory section will make you think "wait, this book is supposed to be serious?" but no worries, it's not. This book was written as satire other training books especially the Monks of New Skeete dog training book. Occasionally makes references to things like dominance training and home cooking for dogs as if (not as a joke) these things are normally considered acceptable, which they're not - but as this is intended to be a joke book I think the consequences of that should be pretty limited. Think this would make a pretty fun gag gift to a dog lover in your life.