What do you think?
Rate this book
Ven, Se Mi Luz
“If I ever become a Saint–I will surely be one of “darkness.” I will continually be absent from Heaven–to lit the light of those in darkness on earth .”
–Mother Teresa of Calcutta
–Mother Teresa of Calcutta
During her lifelong service to the poorest of the poor, Mother Teresa became an icon of compassion to people of all religions; her extraordinary contributions to the care of the sick, the dying, and thousands of others nobody else was prepared to look after has been recognized and acclaimed throughout the world. Little is known, however, about her own spiritual heights or her struggles. This collection of letters she wrote to her spiritual advisors over decades, almost all of which have never been made public before, sheds light on Mother Teresa's interior life in a way that reveals the depth and intensity of her holiness for the first time. A moving chronicle of her spiritual journey–including moments, indeed years, of utter desolation–these letters reveal the secrets she shared only with her closest confidants. She emerges as a classic mystic whose inner life burned with the fire of charity and whose heart was tested and purified by an intense trial of faith, a true dark night of the soul.
504 pages, Hardcover
First published September 4, 2007
1011 people are currently reading
5855 people want to read
About the author
Mother Teresa
219 books2,252 followersMother Mary Teresa Bojaxhiu[6] (born Anjezë Gonxhe Bojaxhiu, Albanian: [aˈɲɛzə ˈɡɔndʒɛ bɔjaˈdʒiu]; 26 August 1910 – 5 September 1997), honoured in the Catholic Church as Saint Teresa of Calcutta,[7] was an Albanian-Indian[4] Roman Catholic nun and missionary.[8] She was born in Skopje (now the capital of North Macedonia), then part of the Kosovo Vilayet of the Ottoman Empire. After living in Skopje for eighteen years, she moved to Ireland and then to India, where she lived for most of her life.
In 1950, Teresa founded the Missionaries of Charity, a Roman Catholic religious congregation that had over 4,500 nuns and was active in 133 countries in 2012. The congregation manages homes for people who are dying of HIV/AIDS, leprosy and tuberculosis. It also runs soup kitchens, dispensaries, mobile clinics, children's and family counselling programmes, as well as orphanages and schools. Members take vows of chastity, poverty, and obedience, and also profess a fourth vow – to give "wholehearted free service to the poorest of the poor."[9]
Following her death she was beatified by Pope John Paul II and canonized by Pope Francis.
In 1950, Teresa founded the Missionaries of Charity, a Roman Catholic religious congregation that had over 4,500 nuns and was active in 133 countries in 2012. The congregation manages homes for people who are dying of HIV/AIDS, leprosy and tuberculosis. It also runs soup kitchens, dispensaries, mobile clinics, children's and family counselling programmes, as well as orphanages and schools. Members take vows of chastity, poverty, and obedience, and also profess a fourth vow – to give "wholehearted free service to the poorest of the poor."[9]
Following her death she was beatified by Pope John Paul II and canonized by Pope Francis.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 573 reviews
April 9, 2024
An INCREDIBLE saga - and a testament to the strength of sheer human faith and perseverance though endless, bone-chilling duress!
Have you ever been gripped by an painful contraction of your solar plexus as you grapple with a nameless, insurmountable inner anguish?
Mother Teresa - that endlessly busy, always-smiling missionary - had that horrible affliction without pause for most of her life.
And this is the riveting story of her ultimate triumph over that deadly existential dread.
Nowadays doctors give it many names - agoraphobia, depression, paranoia - take your pick.
Back in the 1800’s Soren Kierkegaard, bless him, called it the Sickness Unto Death.
It’s that serious.
Except that Death is merely the death-rattle of a vicious world in our soul.
And this brave little nun, who NEVER gave up believing and hoping, lived to see it utterly evaporate.
How many cynical naysayers have dissed this noble woman’s untiring efforts, unaware of the NIGHTMARES that fuelled her work and gave it supreme energy?
Let them consider the plague she was healed from!
You know, I was constantly pestered with similar anxiety and self-doubt when young, though it’s FOR SURE I was no saint, and my pain was picayune compared to hers.
Though I never saw it all vanish as she did, books like this have greatly mollified my pain over the years.
And with the end of my anguish in clear hope, my sense of being at home with kindness - in a world of vast indifference - has increased.
Why should we care if the cold grey world reaps its anxious harvest of uneven returns on its unsound amoral investment?
That’s only natural, just and proper.
Funny - I guess I’m a bit like the afflicted guy who, out of a large crowd of poor souls who were healed by the Master at one point in the gospels, was the only one to go back and thank Him.
I’m still so grateful to Him that now I post it on Goodreads...
Per correr miglior acqua alza le vele...
Che lascia dietro a se mar si crudele.
Yes, Dante says it best!
I’ve escaped from the Vicious Pit of the Inferno - which so many incessantly renovate and decorate and show off to their friends - so I can sail over the smooth waters of peace once again.
And you may be like I was - wending my way unnoticed up the dark back stairs of the old, decrepit house of my heart to the safety of the Upper Room.
For John of the Cross was right: in the heart of our faith there is perfect healing, oblivious to the world’s night.
And when the world sees someone who remains unshaken in his faith, it averts its steely gaze.
You see, Mother Teresa was one of us. Not a plaster saint.
A woman with the kind of personal anguish that could sink a ship - yet she was COMPLETELY healed, something few of us will ever know.
Was she ‘sick’ before that?
Perhaps in a mystical sense, under Kierkegaard’s diagnosis. But Dysfunctional?
NEVER. She just kept on struggling through that storm strongly - and Excelling.
Mother Teresa dared to climb the Everest of her Dread all by herself, slipping over and over again into unbearable inner pain - until her kindly friends gave her a few homely, helpful tips that helped her to Find her Way.
And when she died at a ripe old age, she could go in peace...
For she had REACHED THE SUMMIT.
Have you ever been gripped by an painful contraction of your solar plexus as you grapple with a nameless, insurmountable inner anguish?
Mother Teresa - that endlessly busy, always-smiling missionary - had that horrible affliction without pause for most of her life.
And this is the riveting story of her ultimate triumph over that deadly existential dread.
Nowadays doctors give it many names - agoraphobia, depression, paranoia - take your pick.
Back in the 1800’s Soren Kierkegaard, bless him, called it the Sickness Unto Death.
It’s that serious.
Except that Death is merely the death-rattle of a vicious world in our soul.
And this brave little nun, who NEVER gave up believing and hoping, lived to see it utterly evaporate.
How many cynical naysayers have dissed this noble woman’s untiring efforts, unaware of the NIGHTMARES that fuelled her work and gave it supreme energy?
Let them consider the plague she was healed from!
You know, I was constantly pestered with similar anxiety and self-doubt when young, though it’s FOR SURE I was no saint, and my pain was picayune compared to hers.
Though I never saw it all vanish as she did, books like this have greatly mollified my pain over the years.
And with the end of my anguish in clear hope, my sense of being at home with kindness - in a world of vast indifference - has increased.
Why should we care if the cold grey world reaps its anxious harvest of uneven returns on its unsound amoral investment?
That’s only natural, just and proper.
Funny - I guess I’m a bit like the afflicted guy who, out of a large crowd of poor souls who were healed by the Master at one point in the gospels, was the only one to go back and thank Him.
I’m still so grateful to Him that now I post it on Goodreads...
Per correr miglior acqua alza le vele...
Che lascia dietro a se mar si crudele.
Yes, Dante says it best!
I’ve escaped from the Vicious Pit of the Inferno - which so many incessantly renovate and decorate and show off to their friends - so I can sail over the smooth waters of peace once again.
And you may be like I was - wending my way unnoticed up the dark back stairs of the old, decrepit house of my heart to the safety of the Upper Room.
For John of the Cross was right: in the heart of our faith there is perfect healing, oblivious to the world’s night.
And when the world sees someone who remains unshaken in his faith, it averts its steely gaze.
You see, Mother Teresa was one of us. Not a plaster saint.
A woman with the kind of personal anguish that could sink a ship - yet she was COMPLETELY healed, something few of us will ever know.
Was she ‘sick’ before that?
Perhaps in a mystical sense, under Kierkegaard’s diagnosis. But Dysfunctional?
NEVER. She just kept on struggling through that storm strongly - and Excelling.
Mother Teresa dared to climb the Everest of her Dread all by herself, slipping over and over again into unbearable inner pain - until her kindly friends gave her a few homely, helpful tips that helped her to Find her Way.
And when she died at a ripe old age, she could go in peace...
For she had REACHED THE SUMMIT.
July 25, 2012
I can totally understand other reviewers' confused/dismayed reactions to the "dark night of the soul" of Mother Teresa, which is especially poignant as it lasted for over 50 years. But, perhaps I can share some light on the subject (pun intended :)). Our dear Bishop Emeritus in Charlotte, NC, Bishop William Curlin, was a spiritual director for Mother and knew her for MANY years, having met her when he was a young priest in Washington, DC, and having given retreats to her and her sisters and frequent spiritual direction to Mother over the years. He is now 87 years 'young' and has often given talks/retreats at my church about Mother Teresa and her spirituality and his experiences with her. Perhaps having been immersed in his humorous, moving and endearing stories about this "tough old broad" :) while learning from him that despite her great loss of consolation in any feelings of Our Lord's presence, she made the choice each day to keep showing her love of Jesus through ministering to the poorest of the poor. Knowing this before reading the book helped me handle the rigors of vicariously living through such suffering. As Catholic readers know, most Saints recognized by Holy Mother Church go through a purification known as the "dark night" when they feel a complete void of any consolation or feelings of closeness to God; in fact, they often feel desolate and abandoned, fearful that their life's work has been a mistake. It happens to some of the best of them including Mother Teresa's namesakes, St. Therese of Lisieux and St. Teresa of Avila. Ironically, it is precisely in these moments that they reach the highest level of holiness as they continue to make acts of faith, hope and love, despite terrible temptations from the devil to despair while dealing with physical, spiritual and emotional pain that is hard for most of us to imagine. When they choose to love and serve God in the moment, no matter how dark the moment is internally for them, they are aligning themselves totally with God's holy will and pleasing Him immensely. To understand more this great paradox of joy in suffering, I would highly recommend reading Fr. Jacques Philippe's book, "Searching for and Maintaining Peace, A Small Treatise on Peace of Heart" and for an in-depth and rich understanding of Mother's beautiful spirituality of remembering Jesus' thirst on the cross (one of the last seven words) and how we, too, can console our Lord's tender and merciful heart, do yourself a favor and read Fr. Michael Gaitely's book, "Consoling the Heart of Jesus" and "33 Days to Morning Glory." WOW! Only the Holy Spirit could have given such insights into beautiful and direct paths to God.
April 9, 2018
در تمام لحظهها لبخند بر لب دارم. مردم با مشاهدهی این نشانهها تصور میکنند که ایمان و اعتقاد درونم را پر کرده و در دوستی با خدا غرق شدهام. آنها نمیدانند که این لبخند، این شادمانی ردایی است که من در آن تنهایی و بیچارگی خود را پوشیده نگاه میدارم. این درد آنقدر عظیم است که حس میکنم نزدیک است همه چیز بشکند. زمانی میخواستی نقش تو را در قلبم حک کنم، آلام تو در قلبم نقش ببندد. آیا این پاسخ توست؟
نیمهی تاریک مادر ترزا
در مورد مادر ترزا و به نقل از او آنقدر نوشته و گفتهاند که اگر این کتاب شرح حالی کلیشهای از زندگی او بود ارزش خواندن نداشت. کتاب نقل مستقیم و تفسیر اعترافات، نامهها و مکاتبات شخصی و محرمانهی مادر ترزا با مقامات کلیسای کاتولیک است که مادر ترزا هرگز تمایلی به انتشار آنها نداشته. در واقع اگر چاپ این کتاب به اختیار و انتخاب مادر ترزا بود، او در نابودن کردن و سوزاندن نامهها و اسناد مرتبط با آن درنگ نمیکرد، چنانچه سالها پیش چنین درخواستی را در گفتگو با پدر وناکسم بیان کرده است
وجود نامههای من دیگر هیچ ضرورتی ندارد. اگر ممکن است انها ره به من بازگردانید، زیرا انها نشاندهندهی احوالات درونی من در آن دوران هستند. مایلم آنها را بسوزانم تا هرچه در آن مربوط به من است از میان برود. از شما خواهش میکنم عالیجناب خواستهام را برآورده سازید. میخواهم اسرار من و خداوند تنها متعلق به ما باشد
در مورد انگیزههای مادر ترزا از بیان چنین درخواستی صحبتهای بسیاری هست. یکی از اصلیترین دلایلی که مادر ترزا چنین درخواستی را به طور مکرر با مقامات کلیسا در میان میگذاشت این بود که باور داشت راز مقدس تا زمانی که پنهان بماند مقدس است. در واقع او نمیخواست آنچه را که الهام و خوانده شدن از طرف عیسی مسیح میدانست آشکارا برای دیگران شرح دهد. علت دیگر این بود که او تمایلی نداشت هیچ نامی از او برده شده و دنیا به شخص او توجه خاصی بکند، در عوض میخواست تمام تحسین متعلق به کلیسای کاتولیک و خداوندش باشد
با این اوصاف، بدون شک با یک کتاب مستند و ارزشمند روبرو هستیم که طیف مخاطبین آن بسیار گسترده است. کتابی که به زوایای پنهان شخصیت مادر ترزا میپردازد، به شخصیترین قسمتهای وجود آدمی که هیچ کس دوست ندارد آن را برای دیگران بازگو کند. کتابی که نه تنها منتشر کردنش توسط کلیسا، حتی خواندنش توسط مخاطب عادی هم شجاعت بسیاری میخواهد.
نکتهی محوری کتاب، عهد پنهان مادر ترزا با خداوندِ خود از یک سو و ظلمت درونی و خلاء عمیقی از سوی دیگر است که او از آغاز فعالیتهایش درون خود احساس میکند، ظلمتی که روز به روز تاریکتر میشود و او را از درون بیشتر میفرساید. قرار گرفتن این دو در کنار هم، او را با ایمانی که گویی خشکیده و خالی از هر شور و اشتیاقی شده روبر میکند. این تناقض درونی را در پرتوی اعمال مادر ترزا و نتیجهی فعالیتهایش میتوان از زوایای مختلفی سنجید. نویسندهی کتاب از منظر روحانی و عرفان مسیحی به آن پرداخته، اما همانطور که پیشتر اشاره کردم مخاطبین عادی و پژوهشگران و کنشگران مدنی هم میتوانند خوانندهی ویژهی کتاب باشند
این ریویو کامل میشود
April 7, 2008
I have to be honest, I didn't finish this book. And, I'm ambivalent about it, the book that is.
It's mostly Mother Teresa's letters to her spiritual director/confessor and bishop and others, with some interpretive and connecting material in between from the author. I found the author's emphases to be strange. For example, the time of waiting while the Missionaries of Charity was being considered and approved by the church hierarchy was stretched out over a handful of chapters. I made it exactly halfway through the book, and have only just arrived at Mother Teresa's experiences of deep darkness and struggle. Rarely does the author's connecting interpretive material rise to the level of Mother Teresa herself.
On the other hand, I have a file on my computer of Mother Teresa quotes. Her devotion to Jesus is remarkable, and I found many of her turns of phrase and ways of thinking through her faith worth saving and remembering. (Which is one of the reasons I wasn't willing to skim through the "boring" parts...I never knew when she was going to say something striking.)
I recommend reading this book devotionally, while reading something else...I don't know, more seriously? I simply lost interest in wading through the rough to get to the diamonds. Maybe later I'll feel compelled to return to it, but for now, I have to give it back to the library.
It's mostly Mother Teresa's letters to her spiritual director/confessor and bishop and others, with some interpretive and connecting material in between from the author. I found the author's emphases to be strange. For example, the time of waiting while the Missionaries of Charity was being considered and approved by the church hierarchy was stretched out over a handful of chapters. I made it exactly halfway through the book, and have only just arrived at Mother Teresa's experiences of deep darkness and struggle. Rarely does the author's connecting interpretive material rise to the level of Mother Teresa herself.
On the other hand, I have a file on my computer of Mother Teresa quotes. Her devotion to Jesus is remarkable, and I found many of her turns of phrase and ways of thinking through her faith worth saving and remembering. (Which is one of the reasons I wasn't willing to skim through the "boring" parts...I never knew when she was going to say something striking.)
I recommend reading this book devotionally, while reading something else...I don't know, more seriously? I simply lost interest in wading through the rough to get to the diamonds. Maybe later I'll feel compelled to return to it, but for now, I have to give it back to the library.
April 23, 2016
‘Pray—I must be able to give only Jesus to the world. People are hungry for God. What [a] terrible meeting [it] would be with our neighbor if we give them only ourselves.’ p.281
Seeing through Mother Teresa’s eyes the terrible spiritual darkness she daily lived is to enter another realm. For decades the world thought the black holes of abject poverty, sickness, death, and loneliness her true horrors. Little did anyone know that all the while the Missionary of Charity Religious (sisters, brothers and priests) communities were growing, attracting new members, reaching out to the poorest of the poor and spreading across the globe, their founder had been living in profound and utter spiritual emptiness, thinking herself deserted by her beloved Jesus.
Come Be My Light is the collection of Mother Teresa’s private letters to and from her spiritual directors before, during and after her ‘call within a call’, to leave one religious order and found a new one dedicated especially—at least initially—to the most destitute in the slums of Calcutta, India. Reading these letters is a unique, surprising and sobering experience. Tracing the course of Mother’s life from her quintessential call (1946) to her death (1997) through this spiritual dessert is inspiring. Her own mission was always in response to Jesus’ cry from the cross, “I thirst!” – not for liquid refreshment but for love of those He came to save.
I was moved time and again, amazed and awed by scarcely imaginable depths of holiness, beyond even what I imagine ever hoping to emulate. Sometimes that made me lament my own spiritual shortcomings, but then I would think, if Mother Teresa—a human creature who considered herself small and worthless—is so loving, generous and good, what must Our God be like?! Praise be to Him!
Probably the most inspirational book I’ve read all year. Worth reading and returning to often for reflection and motivation.
Seeing through Mother Teresa’s eyes the terrible spiritual darkness she daily lived is to enter another realm. For decades the world thought the black holes of abject poverty, sickness, death, and loneliness her true horrors. Little did anyone know that all the while the Missionary of Charity Religious (sisters, brothers and priests) communities were growing, attracting new members, reaching out to the poorest of the poor and spreading across the globe, their founder had been living in profound and utter spiritual emptiness, thinking herself deserted by her beloved Jesus.
Come Be My Light is the collection of Mother Teresa’s private letters to and from her spiritual directors before, during and after her ‘call within a call’, to leave one religious order and found a new one dedicated especially—at least initially—to the most destitute in the slums of Calcutta, India. Reading these letters is a unique, surprising and sobering experience. Tracing the course of Mother’s life from her quintessential call (1946) to her death (1997) through this spiritual dessert is inspiring. Her own mission was always in response to Jesus’ cry from the cross, “I thirst!” – not for liquid refreshment but for love of those He came to save.
I was moved time and again, amazed and awed by scarcely imaginable depths of holiness, beyond even what I imagine ever hoping to emulate. Sometimes that made me lament my own spiritual shortcomings, but then I would think, if Mother Teresa—a human creature who considered herself small and worthless—is so loving, generous and good, what must Our God be like?! Praise be to Him!
Probably the most inspirational book I’ve read all year. Worth reading and returning to often for reflection and motivation.
November 18, 2024
In this book, I encountered the private writings of somebody that I've always admired, and touted as my personal hero. Through this book, I discovered the specific reasons why Mother Teresa has always been a person who resonates with my personal ethos. Her deep devotion and love of Jesus is a recognition of her depravity as a human being, her complete devotion to the concept of servent, and her embodiment of the command to love one another. The result is somebody that you can't help but admire, even if your experience of or belief in Jesus is non-existant or negative. You discover a person who is completely authentic to her belief. Centered on the love and sacrifice of Jesus, Mother Teresa recognized the great disparity for love and service for the poor of Calcutta, and responded to the call that each person is intimately loved by God, and deserved to be loved by Him through the example and service of fellow beings. Through her lifelong devotion to the poorest of the poor, she became an icon of compassion to people from all walks of life and faith. What this book discloses is the interior darkness that permeated her life from the moment she began her work with the poor and created the Missionaries of Charity. Leading up to her break from her religious order, Teresa was so intimate with her God and with Jesus. She was consistently feeling His loving guidance and presence in her life, and enjoyed and benefited this love from her 'spouse.' Following His guidance, and through years of prayer and devotion to His voice, the Missionaries of Charity were born. Immediately, that close relationship was gone. The object of her devotion was no longer accessible or present, and the joyful light in her heart was replaced by the sensation of darkness. Only in her service of the poorest of the poor - and in their lives - did that light exist. What Mother Teresa endured has been compared to St John of the Cross' Dark Night of the Soul...except that this endured for the rest of her life, with only rare exceptions. And although she missed the personal presence of her beloved, and struggled with this loss, she recognized that her call was to serve the poorest of the poor, to do all these things with great joy, and to be an example of Christ's love in their lives. Her darkness became her mainstay, and her everlasting devotion to the poor all the more remarkable given her interior state. Truly, I don't know of a better example of giving of oneself. She became a light of love because she made herself so little. What affects me most profoundly is the concept of being little. There is so much we do as humans that gets in the way of listening and loving. I am too weak to bear the interior darkness under which Mother Teresa suffered. But I aspire to increase my devotion to the service and love of others. To do so, I must decrease my own self, and allow the presence of the mysterious Verb that authored life and commands us to love one another. I must become more little.
March 31, 2021
A wonderful book that shares the spiritual darkness of a recent saint. St. Mother Teresa as we knew, made a tremendous impact on human history and the Catholic Church. She shared the love of God with the poor and the unwanted. She listened to the voice that said to her, "I Thirst," a call within a call. The path she traveled was challenging but the one who called her always helped her to endure all the challenges. The problem she faced in her life was darkness. Throughout her life she struggled with the inner darkness, this book shares those struggles. Good spiritual food for all those who want to improve their spiritual lives.
April 29, 2023
“God cannot fill what is full. He can fill only emptiness — deep poverty — and your Yes is the beginning of being or becoming empty. It is not how much we really “have” to give — but how empty we are — so that we can receive fully in our life and let Him live His life in us.”
I quite honestly felt odd reading intimate letters that Mother had explicitly asked to be burned. However, she was a woman of faith and determination beyond anything I can comprehend and it is quite a testament to read her life straight from her own writings and those closest to her.
I quite honestly felt odd reading intimate letters that Mother had explicitly asked to be burned. However, she was a woman of faith and determination beyond anything I can comprehend and it is quite a testament to read her life straight from her own writings and those closest to her.
October 7, 2012
This woman was such a blessing to our world and her teachings and example should for always be emulated and practiced
August 7, 2008
I found this book somewhat disturbing. There is no doubt in my mind that Mother Theresa is a saint; her behavior leaves no doubt about that. And it is not her spirituality that perplexes me, but rather her understanding of that spirituality. She seems to contradict herself from one sentence to the next. Admittedly, she is working from the context of a spirituality formed in a time and place very different from our current one; but she seems to show no growth in understanding from her experience. She depends too heavily upon her spiritual directors for any understanding of her own experience. Her singular devotion is phenomenal. Her powers of perception and analysis in regard to spiritual growth in others are impressive.Can she really be so obtuse in regard to her own soul?
December 4, 2013
Maybe you read the story of Mother Teresa from her friends, those who served alongside her. Maybe you read it differently from her detractors, like Christopher Hitchens. Here is the story from her own hand … a brutally honest account, because she had no intention of anyone ever reading it. This is an annotated collection of her personal letters, mostly to those in authority over her in the Church. She begged repeatedly that these letters be destroyed, so that the world would never know what was in her heart as she ministered in Calcutta among the poorest of the poor. But the Church, after beautifying her as a saint, felt the letters were an important part of Catholic history. Rather than destroying them, after her death they were published in this book.
For the first time, the rest of the world was made aware of the deep darkness inside this saint. Mother Teresa had pleaded over and over with the Church to be allowed to go to India and set up a ministry there for the poor. She felt she had received direction straight from Jesus for this task, and that by being a help and comfort to them—the forsaken, the lepers, the hungry, the sick—she was sharing the love of Jesus. Years, she waited for permission, before it was granted. But almost immediately upon arrival, she began to feel a darkness in her soul. She felt no God there in India. God had abandoned her, leaving only darkness, despair, and doubt. Doubt about whether there was a heaven; doubt at times about even His existence. For nearly fifty years until her death, she struggled with darkness in her soul, painting a smile on her face so as to be an encouragement to others, while bearing the pain alone.
“The place of God in my soul is blank—There is no God in me—when the pain of longing is so great—I just long and long for God—and then it is that I feel—He does not want me—He is not there—“
Every single letter in the book, I believe, contained a plea for others to pray for her, that she could endure the darkness.
“Pray for me—for within me everything is icy cold.”
“I am told God loves me—and yet the reality of darkness & coldness & emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul. … The whole time smiling …my cheerfulness is the cloak by which I cover the emptiness & misery.”
I get the feeling that even the book’s author, in collecting and presenting these letters, underestimated the depth of Mother Teresa’s hopelessness:
“If there be no God—there can be no soul.—If there is no soul then Jesus—You also are not true.—Heaven, what emptiness—not a single thought of Heaven enters my mind—for there is no hope. … In my heart there is no faith—no love—no trust—there is so much pain—the pain of longing, the pain of not being wanted. … I don’t pray any longer.
“If there is hell—this must be one. How terrible it is to be without God—no prayer—no faith—no love.”
The darkness never lifted. I think it was only in about the last ten years of her life that she finally made peace with it, comparing it to the darkness Jesus felt in the Garden, and on the cross. “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” Mother Teresa found in the darkness a “greater identification with the poor,” and in this way, lived out the rest of her life in service.
For the first time, the rest of the world was made aware of the deep darkness inside this saint. Mother Teresa had pleaded over and over with the Church to be allowed to go to India and set up a ministry there for the poor. She felt she had received direction straight from Jesus for this task, and that by being a help and comfort to them—the forsaken, the lepers, the hungry, the sick—she was sharing the love of Jesus. Years, she waited for permission, before it was granted. But almost immediately upon arrival, she began to feel a darkness in her soul. She felt no God there in India. God had abandoned her, leaving only darkness, despair, and doubt. Doubt about whether there was a heaven; doubt at times about even His existence. For nearly fifty years until her death, she struggled with darkness in her soul, painting a smile on her face so as to be an encouragement to others, while bearing the pain alone.
“The place of God in my soul is blank—There is no God in me—when the pain of longing is so great—I just long and long for God—and then it is that I feel—He does not want me—He is not there—“
Every single letter in the book, I believe, contained a plea for others to pray for her, that she could endure the darkness.
“Pray for me—for within me everything is icy cold.”
“I am told God loves me—and yet the reality of darkness & coldness & emptiness is so great that nothing touches my soul. … The whole time smiling …my cheerfulness is the cloak by which I cover the emptiness & misery.”
I get the feeling that even the book’s author, in collecting and presenting these letters, underestimated the depth of Mother Teresa’s hopelessness:
“If there be no God—there can be no soul.—If there is no soul then Jesus—You also are not true.—Heaven, what emptiness—not a single thought of Heaven enters my mind—for there is no hope. … In my heart there is no faith—no love—no trust—there is so much pain—the pain of longing, the pain of not being wanted. … I don’t pray any longer.
“If there is hell—this must be one. How terrible it is to be without God—no prayer—no faith—no love.”
The darkness never lifted. I think it was only in about the last ten years of her life that she finally made peace with it, comparing it to the darkness Jesus felt in the Garden, and on the cross. “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” Mother Teresa found in the darkness a “greater identification with the poor,” and in this way, lived out the rest of her life in service.
November 23, 2007
I am so disappointed in this book! The prologue explains all about how Mother Teresa never wanted her papers published, and even asked people to burn letters she sent to them. Now that she's dead she'll surely understand that her life belonged not to her but to the church, which can do with her writings as it sees fit. I guess that's probably true, but still, ick.
Furthermore, I expected to read about the crises of faith that working among the poor without seeing improvement over time might naturally cause. But, instead, the author presents a completely one-dimensional image, utterly without depth or complexity.
Furthermore, I expected to read about the crises of faith that working among the poor without seeing improvement over time might naturally cause. But, instead, the author presents a completely one-dimensional image, utterly without depth or complexity.
January 22, 2008
Mother Teresa had so much love for God and for others, that to sit down and read about her work...is difficult. It is difficult to measure my own feeble efforts to love against her self-sacrifice and dedication.
Yet this book has helped me. The most valuable thing I took away was the idea that we each must look to the unloved, unwanted and uncared for in our own homes, community and life--and that we must realize that whatever we do to them, we do to Jesus. We cannot separate our care for them and our love for Him.
on loan to whitney cantrell
Yet this book has helped me. The most valuable thing I took away was the idea that we each must look to the unloved, unwanted and uncared for in our own homes, community and life--and that we must realize that whatever we do to them, we do to Jesus. We cannot separate our care for them and our love for Him.
on loan to whitney cantrell
August 10, 2015
I actually read this book a few years ago and just remembered it while adding books to my everlasting impression book shelf. I absolutely love Mother Teresa, she is my idol. I actually wanted to be a nun at one time because of her but then I got introduced to Victoria's Secrets, high heels, and boy's. Don't judge me! lol I have to say that I felt bad at first for reading this book because she never wanted anyone to read private notes and that her faith, like many others, had faltered at times. However, I am so happy that they were published. Why? Because it makes her more relatable and if someone like Mother Teresa can lose her faith time and again but still find a way to bring Him back into her heart and renew her faith, then by all means - "Come be my light." Then I too can falter and not be ashamed that I have lost my faith at times and I can find my way back to Him again (and so can you).The best thing about this book is what I learned about myself. I believe everyone should read this book, especially if you've ever questioned Him or your faith. I believe He wanted her notes to be published and her faith to falter a bit to reach out to us all. Mother Teresa, what a remarkable Angel.
January 23, 2018
This was a really hard (and long!) read. The insight (via personal letters) into Mother Teresa's inner darkness left me reeling. The book, however, couches these desperate and intense thoughts with many words about how good all of this inner turmoil was. I found it disturbing, confusing, and not as inspirational as I suspect it was supposed to be portrayed. Mother Theresa, for all the good she did in the world, felt unwanted and unloved by God. Is this the cup she would accept for any of the people she ministered to?
October 23, 2022
گر نبودی عشق هستی کی بدی.
عجب انسان شریف و بزرگی بود زمین با وجود چنین انسانهایی به خودش می بالد.
شرح زیبای زندگی و دیدگاه ها و خدمات این انسان بزرگ توسط استاد ملکیان(آگاپه ؛ عشق بی قیدو شرط):
https://www.aparat.com/v/5DbMC
عجب انسان شریف و بزرگی بود زمین با وجود چنین انسانهایی به خودش می بالد.
شرح زیبای زندگی و دیدگاه ها و خدمات این انسان بزرگ توسط استاد ملکیان(آگاپه ؛ عشق بی قیدو شرط):
https://www.aparat.com/v/5DbMC
April 6, 2008
I'm demolished by this book. Honestly I still don't know what to make of it but for the time being I am absolutely consumed, brained and agog by it.
I was raised Catholic but the church and I parted ways many moons ago. Much like an enstranged relative, I still keep up with news of what's shaking with the new Pope, what taco Jesus appeared in and what photo's crying blood and all that.
Mother Teresa has always intrigued me. Always. How can someone be so selfless? Divine Calling? Mental illness? Selfishness to be adored in the eyes of God? Masochist? Blind obediance? Pure soul?
All of these answers could be considered after reading this book.
These are the personal letters to her confessors and her confidantes throughout Momma T's life. They have been published against her will in an effort to understand her life and work.
What the letters describe is a woman who desperately sought a God she felt abandoned her. At times her own words brought me tears as her pain is so palpable. This woman was, by her own admission, "empty"; "filled with darkness"; "suffering". Yet she still went through her life to help 'the poorest of the poor' because she thought God/Jesus told her to. This was a woman entirely and utterly consumed in doing "God's work" as "she is an instrument" and "nothing".
The letters themselves are remarkable. The in between commentary by the priest that was working towards her sainthood is expectedly (is that even a word) biased and frankly gets tiresome. However, the mere existance of her words are incredible. Take away from them what you will, no matter what religion you are.
As I said, I'm still trying to figure out what to make of it, but I know I shall never forget what I just read.
I was raised Catholic but the church and I parted ways many moons ago. Much like an enstranged relative, I still keep up with news of what's shaking with the new Pope, what taco Jesus appeared in and what photo's crying blood and all that.
Mother Teresa has always intrigued me. Always. How can someone be so selfless? Divine Calling? Mental illness? Selfishness to be adored in the eyes of God? Masochist? Blind obediance? Pure soul?
All of these answers could be considered after reading this book.
These are the personal letters to her confessors and her confidantes throughout Momma T's life. They have been published against her will in an effort to understand her life and work.
What the letters describe is a woman who desperately sought a God she felt abandoned her. At times her own words brought me tears as her pain is so palpable. This woman was, by her own admission, "empty"; "filled with darkness"; "suffering". Yet she still went through her life to help 'the poorest of the poor' because she thought God/Jesus told her to. This was a woman entirely and utterly consumed in doing "God's work" as "she is an instrument" and "nothing".
The letters themselves are remarkable. The in between commentary by the priest that was working towards her sainthood is expectedly (is that even a word) biased and frankly gets tiresome. However, the mere existance of her words are incredible. Take away from them what you will, no matter what religion you are.
As I said, I'm still trying to figure out what to make of it, but I know I shall never forget what I just read.
January 29, 2014
I could not finish this book, I was so irritated and outraged. I'm surprised at how polar opposite Mother Teresa's values are to mine. Christopher Hitchens said that Mother Teresa was not a friend of the poor. She was a friend of poverty. I could not agree more with Hitchens. Poverty and suffering are not gifts from God. Mother Teresa did nothing to empower women. How is this not a scandal?
Theologically she could not get beyond the Suffering of Christ. It was her complete focus - the crucified Lord, His suffering and agony, His thirst, His divine poverty, this whole darkness bit. Not once in the 100 pages I read did she mention the Resurrection or the Risen Lord. Isn't the Resurrection the complete and utter game-changer for Christians?
This fawning book is outrageous to me, not only for theological reasons but social responsibility reasons as well. Alas.
Theologically she could not get beyond the Suffering of Christ. It was her complete focus - the crucified Lord, His suffering and agony, His thirst, His divine poverty, this whole darkness bit. Not once in the 100 pages I read did she mention the Resurrection or the Risen Lord. Isn't the Resurrection the complete and utter game-changer for Christians?
This fawning book is outrageous to me, not only for theological reasons but social responsibility reasons as well. Alas.
July 10, 2019
“The fruit of silence is prayer,
The fruit of prayer is faith,
The fruit of faith is love,
The fruit of love is service,
The fruit of service is peace.” –Mother Teresa
I received this book as a gift and thoroughly enjoyed this glimpse into the life and faith of a remarkable woman. Her consuming love of Jesus shined forth even throughout the lengthy period of her Dark Night, as she kept that pain well hidden from all except her closest advisors. Though she requested her letters, etc. be destroyed, I am grateful they have survived to become the blessing they are today, especially for those struggling with their own Dark Night. I now have a better appreciation for the women who stepped out in faith to launch the Missionaries of Charity.
The fruit of prayer is faith,
The fruit of faith is love,
The fruit of love is service,
The fruit of service is peace.” –Mother Teresa
I received this book as a gift and thoroughly enjoyed this glimpse into the life and faith of a remarkable woman. Her consuming love of Jesus shined forth even throughout the lengthy period of her Dark Night, as she kept that pain well hidden from all except her closest advisors. Though she requested her letters, etc. be destroyed, I am grateful they have survived to become the blessing they are today, especially for those struggling with their own Dark Night. I now have a better appreciation for the women who stepped out in faith to launch the Missionaries of Charity.
November 3, 2007
Reveals a level and type of devotion that I am unable to comprehend.
The editing was excellent. I especially appreciated the parallels between what Mother Teresa experienced and what other saints experienced.
But still, as a book, it wasn't that satisfying.
The editing was excellent. I especially appreciated the parallels between what Mother Teresa experienced and what other saints experienced.
But still, as a book, it wasn't that satisfying.
August 17, 2012
This book narrates the "dark night" experienced by the contemporary saint. Mother Teresa felt the absence of God at times and she expressed it through her private letters. She said that if ever she became the saint she would be the saint of darkness.
August 10, 2008
Wonderful book. Change your thinking kind of book.
Read
May 1, 2024Wow. What an incredibly holy, selfless and tenacious woman. Mother Teresa was amazing.
I really enjoyed reading the beginning section of this book, but found it easier to listen to the audiobook for the last part as it’s very heavily focussed on the dark night of Mother Teresa’s soul, the dryness, the loneliness, the sadness, and just really repeats all the terrible feelings Mother Teresa experienced (while never wavering from doing God’s will). I would say other than the beginning quarter of the book that is the main focus. I would love to read a book focussing on other aspects of her and her life. I was really interested in the beginning section about her call to start the Missionaries of Charity, all that entailed, and the beginnings of her order.
I found the letters in the beginning where Mother Teresa is begging for her letters to be destroyed (knowing they were later published in this book) quite sad, and the explanation of why they didn’t destroy them a bit brief. It felt a bit like going against her wishes and a violation of her privacy to read these - I just wish in her lifetime she had agreed to have these published and that it wasn’t done after her death without her consent (at least that’s my understanding of what happened). I really had to wrestle with that!
With that being said, I’m really glad I read it (I read it for a book club!). I have a way better understanding of a wonderful woman, and some insights in the book really stood out to me and I think they will stick with me forever!
I really enjoyed reading the beginning section of this book, but found it easier to listen to the audiobook for the last part as it’s very heavily focussed on the dark night of Mother Teresa’s soul, the dryness, the loneliness, the sadness, and just really repeats all the terrible feelings Mother Teresa experienced (while never wavering from doing God’s will). I would say other than the beginning quarter of the book that is the main focus. I would love to read a book focussing on other aspects of her and her life. I was really interested in the beginning section about her call to start the Missionaries of Charity, all that entailed, and the beginnings of her order.
I found the letters in the beginning where Mother Teresa is begging for her letters to be destroyed (knowing they were later published in this book) quite sad, and the explanation of why they didn’t destroy them a bit brief. It felt a bit like going against her wishes and a violation of her privacy to read these - I just wish in her lifetime she had agreed to have these published and that it wasn’t done after her death without her consent (at least that’s my understanding of what happened). I really had to wrestle with that!
With that being said, I’m really glad I read it (I read it for a book club!). I have a way better understanding of a wonderful woman, and some insights in the book really stood out to me and I think they will stick with me forever!
February 6, 2020
If you do not believe in God, this book is not for you. This is a book about the internal being of Mother Teresa.
“ It was not the suffering she endured that made her saint, but the love with which she loved her life through all suffering”.
I am a big fan of M Teresa, she is my most admired person in our time. Most would have heard about the good deeds she had done, full of positivity and practical wisdom. Yet, without understand and appreciate her internal sufferings and the determination to walk with God as explained in this book - we would never have truly understand the real source of power for her to carry on doing the work of the Missionaries of Charity.
I am glad I read this book ... a real source for contemplation about faith.
“ It was not the suffering she endured that made her saint, but the love with which she loved her life through all suffering”.
I am a big fan of M Teresa, she is my most admired person in our time. Most would have heard about the good deeds she had done, full of positivity and practical wisdom. Yet, without understand and appreciate her internal sufferings and the determination to walk with God as explained in this book - we would never have truly understand the real source of power for her to carry on doing the work of the Missionaries of Charity.
I am glad I read this book ... a real source for contemplation about faith.
January 20, 2024
Love Mother Teresa. Sometimes I feel like the commentary on her writings got in the way of the actual content, but it was good because it gave context. I liked that it was more about her spiritual life than her actual works, because you can tell everything flowed from her relationship with God, not just wanting to do good things.
May 30, 2019
La primera vez lo dejé a la mitad, me parecía todo increíblemente injusto. Lo retomé al cabo de unos años y la verdad es que me ha impresionado muchísimo. Cuánto sufrimiento. Ha sido un privilegio ser coetánea de Madre Teresa.
March 15, 2024
Mother Teresa understands your desire for mission and service, and also the depths of faith one needs in the midst of spiritual blindness and aridity. She. GETS. IT.
June 4, 2025
It was interesting reading in the introduction of Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light: The Private Writings of the Saint of Calcutta edited by Brian Kolodiejchuk that Mother Teresa herself didn't want these letters published. I was expecting that with the letters there would be a little more connective pieces between them from the the author.
June 19, 2023
This book was quite the read. Very interesting to me, and very detailed in telling the character of Mother Teresa and her “inside views” of life and herself. I did not tell much at all about the actual or day-to-day work she did. It is more telling of her attitude, her thoughts, her inner struggles, her overcoming, her charity, her faith, her beliefs, and her interactions with all others.
Amazed that even her superiors “got after her”, her was always an attitude of total submission, while at the same time, she had a little stubborn streak where she didn’t give up on something easily if she felt she was being called to do it. Her superiors may have thought it was a bad idea, but she knew it came from God, so she was persistent. Perhaps “persistent” is a better word for her than “stubborn.” And yet, she would explain how she felt called to this work, but then always submitted in patience to the counsel of her superiors. Sometimes it was frustrating for her, other times she would patient abide until the Lord helped her superior change their minds. And change their minds they always did, sooner or later.
Even as she neared the end of her life, and her physical body could no longer do what she wanted it to, her soul and attitude was still submissive to God and what she believed He called her to do.
After reading about her entire life’s ‘call’, I have no doubt she *was* called to do this particular work. While I do not believe in the need to physically punish ourselves for Christ, or that He expects that, and several other acts and practices within Catholicism (which I am very familiar with, having grown up in a Catholic nation and “in” and near the Catholic Church.) However, I can’t help but think that for some reason known only to God, Mother Teresa *was* called to this life. A light upon the hill for the rest of us. God works in His own mysterious ways, and His ways do not always make sense to us, but they don’t have to make sense. When we come to know Him and His true character, then we do not need His ways to make sense because, in Mother Teresa’s words, we have “blind faith” and “follow blindly,” thought in my words we have a testimony of the Spirit of the truthfulness of God and His plan, so we are not walking blindly, as much as we are walking informed and and with full trust in Him, even when we can’t see the next step in front of us. Our experiences with Him inform our soul that He is real, and that He is 100% trustworthy and that we are His children, so we are safe to trust in Him, even when something doesn’t make sense. In essence, this was her message as well.
Something that was truly inspiring to me is how she lived such a painful life with a SMILE on her face always, how she always kept that “eternal perspective” (which, wow, I have learned myself that is one huge trick for staying centered and strong amidst any adversity!), how she always thought of others and that always helped lessen her own burdens, and how grew from grace to grace, just as Christ did, until she actually rejoiced in her suffering for His sake. She didn’t physically rejoice, but she rejoiced in her heart and soul, and that gave her peace amidst the storms.
Another thing I had never known and which is above all most admirable - and which is the main theme of this book: of the 55 years she served the Lord, she spent 49 of them in total spiritual darkness, unable to feel the Spirit in her life, unable to feel love for Christ, for others, unable to feel God’s approval of her, unable to feel His comfort and His “Balm of Gilead” in her life. And yet she moved forward in utter faith. Faith was what carried her through. She never doubted Him. She doubted herself, but never Him. Truly amazing and one of the examples in my life I will never forget, as it encourages me to move forward in faith with all that is about to come upon this world in the next few years as we draw ever more into the pit of darkness and finally to the light of His Second Coming! So much to look forward to, once we get past the darkness!
It was notable and a happy thing for me to learn that there was a short period after the Pope had died where she prayed to the Pope to know that the Society of Missionaries was pleasing to God, and she immediately felt a happy spirit and it stayed with her for about 5 weeks, then she back “into the tunnel” of darkness. And she just kept moving forward. Just wow! I cannot think of many people with that faith and fortitude and “can do” attitude. She TRULY “did hard things”. It wasn’t just all talk, like we hear from so many today. I think the vast majority of people in America at least, have no idea what suffering truly is, and yet the example of Mother Teresa to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps, to grow a tough skin, to smile no matter what, to never judge, blame or decry, to accept life as God’s will and make the best of it, while serving others and making the world a better place, is something I shall carry with me for eternity.
It is humbling to learn of some of these inward trials and details of this remarkable woman, and it certainly makes me want to emulate her more in some ways. I finished the book finding myself hoping that after having met Christ, He embraced her specially hard and with a big old smile and tears in His eyes. There is certainly no more suffering for this woman who bores more crosses in this world (physical, mental, emotional and spiritual) than any other woman I know of.
Some favorite quotes from the book:
— “Because she bore her own suffering in pain and silence and peace, she could effectively encourage others to walk the same path. Whatever failure or disappointment she, or others, face, she always found a way to look at it from God’s perspective and to draw good out of it.”
— “Archbishop Périer continued to counsel Mother Teresa concerning the darkness. At this time, he interpreted it as purification and protection against pride in the face of remarkable fruitfulness in her work. ‘With regard to the feeling of loneliness, of abandonment, of not being wanted, of darkness, of the soul, it is a state well known by spiritual writers and directors of conscience. This is willed by God in order to attach us to Him alone. An antidote to our external activities, and also, like any temptation, a way of keeping us humble the midst of applauses, publicity, praises, appreciation, etc. and success. To feel that we are nothing, that we can do nothing, is a realization of a fact. We know it. We say it. Some feel it. That is why stick to God and like the little Bernadette, at the end of her last retreat, wrote, ‘God alone. God everywhere. God in everybody and in everything. God always.’ With Saint Ignatius you may add, ‘My only wish and desire the one thing I humble crave to have, is the grace to love God. To love Him alone, beyond that I ask for nothing more.’”
— Father [Michale] Van Der Peet: “It [her ability to accept and eventually rejoice in her utter poverty and darkness where she could not feel God’s Spirit for 49 years] was a gift from a God for which I am most grateful. The impression that I got was that I was dealing with a woman who somehow saw God and felt God in the distress of the poor and a woman who had an incredible faith in light and darkness. She saw the suffering of Christ, but it was not that she was taken up ecstasy or things like that, that was not part of her life, although people might be tempted to think that. I really believe that the reason Mother Teresa had to undergo so much darkness in her life is that it would bring about a greater identification with the poor.”
— On Family: Are we caring for our own family:
“Jesus makes Himself the hungry one, the naked one, the homeless one, the sick one, the one in prison, the lonely one, the unwanted one and He says, ‘You did it to me.’ He is hungry for our love. And this is the hunger of our poor people. This is the hunger that you and I must find. It may be in our own home.
“I visited a home where they had all these old parents. I saw in that home they had everything, but everybody was looking towards the door. And I turned to the sister and I asked, ‘How is it that these people who have everything here, why are they all looking towards the door? Why are they not smiling? I am so used to the smiles in our people. Even the dying ones smile.’
“And she said, ‘This is nearly every day. They are hoping that a as son or daughter will come to visit them. They are hurt, because they are forgotten.’
“This is where Love comes. Maybe in our own family we have somebody who is feeling lonely, who is feeling sick, who is feeling worried. Are we there to receive them?”
— Lastly, On Abortion: Abortion:
“I was surprised in the West to see so many young boys and girls given in to drugs, and I tried to find out why. Because there is no one in the family to receive them. Father and mother are so busy they have no time. The child goes back to the street and gets involved in something. These are things that break peace.
But I feel the greatest destroyer of peace today is Abortion, because it is a direct war, a direct killing, direct murder by the mother herself. Abs we read in the scripture, for God says very clearly, ‘even if a mother could forget her child, I will not forget you; I have carved you in the palm of my hand.’
“That unborn child has been carved in the hand of God.
“Many people are very, very concerned with children in India, with the children of Africa where quite a number die, maybe of malnutrition, of hunger and so on. But millions are dying deliberately by the will of the mother. And this is what is the greater destroyer of peace today. Because if another can kill her own child, what is left for me to kill you, and you to kill me? There is nothing between. ….
“I find the unborn child to be the poorest of the poor today. The most unloved, the most unwanted. The throw-away of society.”
Highly Recommend. Probably for adults thoughts. I doubt many under the age of 25 will grasp or appreciate the nuggets of golden wisdom and inspiration and example within the pages of this book. It is a serious book. And told in documentary style, rather than story style. It is not dry, but it also is not “entertaining”, if you know what I mean. It does keep your attention.
Again - I rarely give 5 stars. I save that for the MUST MUST MUST READ list. This is definitely a 4.5
Amazed that even her superiors “got after her”, her was always an attitude of total submission, while at the same time, she had a little stubborn streak where she didn’t give up on something easily if she felt she was being called to do it. Her superiors may have thought it was a bad idea, but she knew it came from God, so she was persistent. Perhaps “persistent” is a better word for her than “stubborn.” And yet, she would explain how she felt called to this work, but then always submitted in patience to the counsel of her superiors. Sometimes it was frustrating for her, other times she would patient abide until the Lord helped her superior change their minds. And change their minds they always did, sooner or later.
Even as she neared the end of her life, and her physical body could no longer do what she wanted it to, her soul and attitude was still submissive to God and what she believed He called her to do.
After reading about her entire life’s ‘call’, I have no doubt she *was* called to do this particular work. While I do not believe in the need to physically punish ourselves for Christ, or that He expects that, and several other acts and practices within Catholicism (which I am very familiar with, having grown up in a Catholic nation and “in” and near the Catholic Church.) However, I can’t help but think that for some reason known only to God, Mother Teresa *was* called to this life. A light upon the hill for the rest of us. God works in His own mysterious ways, and His ways do not always make sense to us, but they don’t have to make sense. When we come to know Him and His true character, then we do not need His ways to make sense because, in Mother Teresa’s words, we have “blind faith” and “follow blindly,” thought in my words we have a testimony of the Spirit of the truthfulness of God and His plan, so we are not walking blindly, as much as we are walking informed and and with full trust in Him, even when we can’t see the next step in front of us. Our experiences with Him inform our soul that He is real, and that He is 100% trustworthy and that we are His children, so we are safe to trust in Him, even when something doesn’t make sense. In essence, this was her message as well.
Something that was truly inspiring to me is how she lived such a painful life with a SMILE on her face always, how she always kept that “eternal perspective” (which, wow, I have learned myself that is one huge trick for staying centered and strong amidst any adversity!), how she always thought of others and that always helped lessen her own burdens, and how grew from grace to grace, just as Christ did, until she actually rejoiced in her suffering for His sake. She didn’t physically rejoice, but she rejoiced in her heart and soul, and that gave her peace amidst the storms.
Another thing I had never known and which is above all most admirable - and which is the main theme of this book: of the 55 years she served the Lord, she spent 49 of them in total spiritual darkness, unable to feel the Spirit in her life, unable to feel love for Christ, for others, unable to feel God’s approval of her, unable to feel His comfort and His “Balm of Gilead” in her life. And yet she moved forward in utter faith. Faith was what carried her through. She never doubted Him. She doubted herself, but never Him. Truly amazing and one of the examples in my life I will never forget, as it encourages me to move forward in faith with all that is about to come upon this world in the next few years as we draw ever more into the pit of darkness and finally to the light of His Second Coming! So much to look forward to, once we get past the darkness!
It was notable and a happy thing for me to learn that there was a short period after the Pope had died where she prayed to the Pope to know that the Society of Missionaries was pleasing to God, and she immediately felt a happy spirit and it stayed with her for about 5 weeks, then she back “into the tunnel” of darkness. And she just kept moving forward. Just wow! I cannot think of many people with that faith and fortitude and “can do” attitude. She TRULY “did hard things”. It wasn’t just all talk, like we hear from so many today. I think the vast majority of people in America at least, have no idea what suffering truly is, and yet the example of Mother Teresa to pull ourselves up by the bootstraps, to grow a tough skin, to smile no matter what, to never judge, blame or decry, to accept life as God’s will and make the best of it, while serving others and making the world a better place, is something I shall carry with me for eternity.
It is humbling to learn of some of these inward trials and details of this remarkable woman, and it certainly makes me want to emulate her more in some ways. I finished the book finding myself hoping that after having met Christ, He embraced her specially hard and with a big old smile and tears in His eyes. There is certainly no more suffering for this woman who bores more crosses in this world (physical, mental, emotional and spiritual) than any other woman I know of.
Some favorite quotes from the book:
— “Because she bore her own suffering in pain and silence and peace, she could effectively encourage others to walk the same path. Whatever failure or disappointment she, or others, face, she always found a way to look at it from God’s perspective and to draw good out of it.”
— “Archbishop Périer continued to counsel Mother Teresa concerning the darkness. At this time, he interpreted it as purification and protection against pride in the face of remarkable fruitfulness in her work. ‘With regard to the feeling of loneliness, of abandonment, of not being wanted, of darkness, of the soul, it is a state well known by spiritual writers and directors of conscience. This is willed by God in order to attach us to Him alone. An antidote to our external activities, and also, like any temptation, a way of keeping us humble the midst of applauses, publicity, praises, appreciation, etc. and success. To feel that we are nothing, that we can do nothing, is a realization of a fact. We know it. We say it. Some feel it. That is why stick to God and like the little Bernadette, at the end of her last retreat, wrote, ‘God alone. God everywhere. God in everybody and in everything. God always.’ With Saint Ignatius you may add, ‘My only wish and desire the one thing I humble crave to have, is the grace to love God. To love Him alone, beyond that I ask for nothing more.’”
— Father [Michale] Van Der Peet: “It [her ability to accept and eventually rejoice in her utter poverty and darkness where she could not feel God’s Spirit for 49 years] was a gift from a God for which I am most grateful. The impression that I got was that I was dealing with a woman who somehow saw God and felt God in the distress of the poor and a woman who had an incredible faith in light and darkness. She saw the suffering of Christ, but it was not that she was taken up ecstasy or things like that, that was not part of her life, although people might be tempted to think that. I really believe that the reason Mother Teresa had to undergo so much darkness in her life is that it would bring about a greater identification with the poor.”
— On Family: Are we caring for our own family:
“Jesus makes Himself the hungry one, the naked one, the homeless one, the sick one, the one in prison, the lonely one, the unwanted one and He says, ‘You did it to me.’ He is hungry for our love. And this is the hunger of our poor people. This is the hunger that you and I must find. It may be in our own home.
“I visited a home where they had all these old parents. I saw in that home they had everything, but everybody was looking towards the door. And I turned to the sister and I asked, ‘How is it that these people who have everything here, why are they all looking towards the door? Why are they not smiling? I am so used to the smiles in our people. Even the dying ones smile.’
“And she said, ‘This is nearly every day. They are hoping that a as son or daughter will come to visit them. They are hurt, because they are forgotten.’
“This is where Love comes. Maybe in our own family we have somebody who is feeling lonely, who is feeling sick, who is feeling worried. Are we there to receive them?”
— Lastly, On Abortion: Abortion:
“I was surprised in the West to see so many young boys and girls given in to drugs, and I tried to find out why. Because there is no one in the family to receive them. Father and mother are so busy they have no time. The child goes back to the street and gets involved in something. These are things that break peace.
But I feel the greatest destroyer of peace today is Abortion, because it is a direct war, a direct killing, direct murder by the mother herself. Abs we read in the scripture, for God says very clearly, ‘even if a mother could forget her child, I will not forget you; I have carved you in the palm of my hand.’
“That unborn child has been carved in the hand of God.
“Many people are very, very concerned with children in India, with the children of Africa where quite a number die, maybe of malnutrition, of hunger and so on. But millions are dying deliberately by the will of the mother. And this is what is the greater destroyer of peace today. Because if another can kill her own child, what is left for me to kill you, and you to kill me? There is nothing between. ….
“I find the unborn child to be the poorest of the poor today. The most unloved, the most unwanted. The throw-away of society.”
Highly Recommend. Probably for adults thoughts. I doubt many under the age of 25 will grasp or appreciate the nuggets of golden wisdom and inspiration and example within the pages of this book. It is a serious book. And told in documentary style, rather than story style. It is not dry, but it also is not “entertaining”, if you know what I mean. It does keep your attention.
Again - I rarely give 5 stars. I save that for the MUST MUST MUST READ list. This is definitely a 4.5
August 10, 2011
Girl meets God. Girl falls in love with God. Girl starts religious order because God told her to. Girl spends the rest of her life feeling deeply, utterly, irrevocably abandoned by God.
That's pretty much the plot of this alternately compelling and disturbing spiritual biography. The backbone of the book are the letters Mother Teresa wrote to her spiritual directors. First they detail the visions and inspiration that made her suddenly leave her nice decent Sisters of Loretto school-teacher gig and found a religious order devoted to caring for -- and living like -- the poorest of the absolute poor. However, the bulk of the letters detail the feelings of impenetrable darkness Mother Teresa experienced for the rest of her life, unable to experience something she might call God's presence.
Read properly, this is a romance story. Certainly it has all the dynamics of a gothic love story: a mysterious lover (and God acts very mysteriously in this book); iron-clad injunctions to silence (Teresa repeats again and again that she can't voice her feelings of spiritual abandonment because she doesn't want to demoralize her sisters); secret vows (very early in her vocation Mother Teresa took a secret vow to never refuse God anything, under pain of eternal damnation); and most importantly, obsessively repeated descriptions of longing. I don't know why God does this to me, Teresa writes to her spiritual director, but I will never let him know how much this hurts. I will keep smiling so he can not see my pain.
Hiding pain from an all-knowing God who you believe is intentionally hurting you? Yeah. This is also a romance story that doesn't translate so well to those not in its throes. And unhelpfully, the editorial voice that weaves Mother Teresa's letters into a continuous narrative treats almost every instance of weirdness in this deeply weird narrative as just one more proof of Mother Teresa's perfection, devotion, and exceptional saintliness. Clearly this editor never expects any reader to ask questions like -- But why all this secrecy? Why all this insistence on never letting anyone know you are in pain? And by the way -- where are all the poor that Mother Teresa allegedly spent her life helping? How could you edit a 300-page book of her collected writings and only include two (count 'em -- two) anecdotes about her direct encounters with the poor?
This would be why the experience of this book is disturbing. But it *is*, I promise, also compelling. Mother Teresa's simplicity is the real deal -- not some act. Her letters are childishly simple and yet contain moments of astonishing lucidity. Underneath the sturm and drang of her relentless aspiration to make her life into a complete sacrifice to God (she offers to spend eternity in darkness if it would help win more souls for God -- does God really make deals like that?) you can also glimpse a certain unearthly quietness. "I would prefer you make mistakes in kindness -- than that you work miracles in unkindness" she tells one sister. And she even has a sinner's sense of humor: to a priest she admits "Thank God we don't serve God with our feelings, otherwise I don't know where I would be."
I blame the editors -- hired by the Mother Teresa of Calcutta Center, an institute devoted entirely to the cause of Mother Teresa's canonization -- for fashioning a spiritual biography focused exclusively on Teresa's spiritual perfection and only marginally even interested in her work with the poor. In this book, the "real" story is Mother Teresa's encounter with spiritual darkness, and her work with the poor is only what she does for a day job. I wonder what a different editor with the same access to her personal letters might have done to give us a better understanding of her whole life, and of how spirituality isn't just some private drama with a deeply mysterious God -- it's what you do every boring day.
That's pretty much the plot of this alternately compelling and disturbing spiritual biography. The backbone of the book are the letters Mother Teresa wrote to her spiritual directors. First they detail the visions and inspiration that made her suddenly leave her nice decent Sisters of Loretto school-teacher gig and found a religious order devoted to caring for -- and living like -- the poorest of the absolute poor. However, the bulk of the letters detail the feelings of impenetrable darkness Mother Teresa experienced for the rest of her life, unable to experience something she might call God's presence.
Read properly, this is a romance story. Certainly it has all the dynamics of a gothic love story: a mysterious lover (and God acts very mysteriously in this book); iron-clad injunctions to silence (Teresa repeats again and again that she can't voice her feelings of spiritual abandonment because she doesn't want to demoralize her sisters); secret vows (very early in her vocation Mother Teresa took a secret vow to never refuse God anything, under pain of eternal damnation); and most importantly, obsessively repeated descriptions of longing. I don't know why God does this to me, Teresa writes to her spiritual director, but I will never let him know how much this hurts. I will keep smiling so he can not see my pain.
Hiding pain from an all-knowing God who you believe is intentionally hurting you? Yeah. This is also a romance story that doesn't translate so well to those not in its throes. And unhelpfully, the editorial voice that weaves Mother Teresa's letters into a continuous narrative treats almost every instance of weirdness in this deeply weird narrative as just one more proof of Mother Teresa's perfection, devotion, and exceptional saintliness. Clearly this editor never expects any reader to ask questions like -- But why all this secrecy? Why all this insistence on never letting anyone know you are in pain? And by the way -- where are all the poor that Mother Teresa allegedly spent her life helping? How could you edit a 300-page book of her collected writings and only include two (count 'em -- two) anecdotes about her direct encounters with the poor?
This would be why the experience of this book is disturbing. But it *is*, I promise, also compelling. Mother Teresa's simplicity is the real deal -- not some act. Her letters are childishly simple and yet contain moments of astonishing lucidity. Underneath the sturm and drang of her relentless aspiration to make her life into a complete sacrifice to God (she offers to spend eternity in darkness if it would help win more souls for God -- does God really make deals like that?) you can also glimpse a certain unearthly quietness. "I would prefer you make mistakes in kindness -- than that you work miracles in unkindness" she tells one sister. And she even has a sinner's sense of humor: to a priest she admits "Thank God we don't serve God with our feelings, otherwise I don't know where I would be."
I blame the editors -- hired by the Mother Teresa of Calcutta Center, an institute devoted entirely to the cause of Mother Teresa's canonization -- for fashioning a spiritual biography focused exclusively on Teresa's spiritual perfection and only marginally even interested in her work with the poor. In this book, the "real" story is Mother Teresa's encounter with spiritual darkness, and her work with the poor is only what she does for a day job. I wonder what a different editor with the same access to her personal letters might have done to give us a better understanding of her whole life, and of how spirituality isn't just some private drama with a deeply mysterious God -- it's what you do every boring day.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 573 reviews