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Your Child's Strengths: A Guide for Parents and Teachers
With this groundbreaking work, renowned educator Jenifer Fox argues against the flawed and maddening paradigm that "fixing"kids' weaknesses is the way to achieve success. Rather, Fox promotes focusing on kids' natural inclinations in three interdependent areas: Activity Strengths, Relationship Strengths, and Learning Strengths. Pairing inspiring firsthand accounts of success with practical workbook tools, alongside an outline of the award-winning strengths-based Affinities curriculum Fox has implemented in her own school, Your Child's Strengths is a user-friendly and indispensable guide for parents, teachers, and administrators alike.
382 pages, Kindle Edition
First published February 28, 2008
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 72 reviews
July 22, 2014
As a kid I hated reading. I even lied and cheated in school to avoid it. A couple years ago, I discovered that I could listen to audiobooks downloaded from the library on my iPod. A whole new world of reading opened up for me. Sometimes, in the middle of a series I was listening to, a book or two would not be available in audio format. So, I would read the in between books to fill in the gaps. I was surprised to find that reading was not the chore I remembered it to be. I actually liked reading!
Even with this insight, I felt embarrassed that I still preferred to listen to books. The stigma of listening to a book is that you aren't actually reading it. Someone has assisted you by reading it to you and so therefore you must be less smart or capable because you can't do it on your own. At least this is how I felt. Often, I would avoid mentioning that I listened to the audiobook version when I would discuss books with others. And I felt like I was fibbing when I said I "read" the book.
In college, I added non-fiction business books to my rotation. After listening to several books, I noticed that I retained much more of the information and concepts from those books than the ones I read for class. I chalked this up to the fact that I almost never finished a non-fiction book, especially my textbooks, but I always finished the audiobooks. After reading (listening to) this book, I finally see the pattern of my learning style. I am a audio learner. This is why lectures intrigued me and book studying perplexed me. No wonder I had to attend every lecture, while some students could skip every class and just read through the chapters the night before the exam and pass.
Better late than never, I wish I would have learned the tools to identify my strengths long before now. But, I am eager to help my future children identify and develop their own strengths so that their relationship with learning is a better experience than mine. The strengths movement is such a common sense approach to education. I really hope it spreads throughout all school systems.
Even with this insight, I felt embarrassed that I still preferred to listen to books. The stigma of listening to a book is that you aren't actually reading it. Someone has assisted you by reading it to you and so therefore you must be less smart or capable because you can't do it on your own. At least this is how I felt. Often, I would avoid mentioning that I listened to the audiobook version when I would discuss books with others. And I felt like I was fibbing when I said I "read" the book.
In college, I added non-fiction business books to my rotation. After listening to several books, I noticed that I retained much more of the information and concepts from those books than the ones I read for class. I chalked this up to the fact that I almost never finished a non-fiction book, especially my textbooks, but I always finished the audiobooks. After reading (listening to) this book, I finally see the pattern of my learning style. I am a audio learner. This is why lectures intrigued me and book studying perplexed me. No wonder I had to attend every lecture, while some students could skip every class and just read through the chapters the night before the exam and pass.
Better late than never, I wish I would have learned the tools to identify my strengths long before now. But, I am eager to help my future children identify and develop their own strengths so that their relationship with learning is a better experience than mine. The strengths movement is such a common sense approach to education. I really hope it spreads throughout all school systems.
September 15, 2021
Like almost all parenting books I've read there are several themes I really like, and some points I wonder how many children the author really knows. I really wish some schools and society really did adopt some of these practices. It's a good reminder that children really have a finite time to be children.
January 18, 2009
This just reinforces all our philosophies about raising children. Children need empathy and respect and it isn't helpful to focus on failures and punishment. It is also interesting to think about my own strengths and what things make me thrive.
February 11, 2008
Thursday, March 13, 2008, at 7:30pm at the Boulder Book Store.
November 27, 2013
So far amazing...can't wait to get to the practical discoveries.
February 25, 2018
I love the high school strengths program described in the appendix. I wish I had something like that growing up.
March 30, 2018
While I thought the book had some interesting ideas, and the author I believe is well intentioned in wanting to help children succeed, I did have a few complaints with the book.
The author’s definition of “strengths” isn’t necessarily the traditional definition. She seems to define strengths as something that “energizes” an individual. She wants us to help identify these things that energize individuals and help them pursue those things to find success, and to develop skills and talents in those areas. While the premise sounds good on the surface.
My problem with this is that while her definition of “strengths” might be different than the traditional one. The language she uses brings to mind certain feelings about the traditional definition of strengths, and correspondingly weaknesses. I worry that with all the talk of strengths, it is likely to develop a fixed mindset in children, who might start thinking that “well I’m no good at that. It’s not one of my strengths, so why bother trying?” Whereas I tend to believe that with a growth mindset, challenges can be used as a stepping stone to develop new strengths in any area of an individuals choosing.
Another complaint I had with the book was that I saw no data to show that her “strengths” program actually helps, only anecdotal evidence. In fact at one point towards the end of the book she stated that the “strengths” program can’t be evaluated by traditional standardized testing, and that we need to come up with new testing that is capable of showing the benefits of this program. My thoughts were maybe it can be evaluated by traditional means, and it’s just not truly helping. Maybe it is actually unintentionally contributing to a fixed mindset and actually hindering the development of strengths, and thus not showing any improvement on traditional tests, because it’s truly not helping.
My final complaint was that it seemed rather repetitive, and made the book much longer than it needed to be, and made it hard for me to maintain interest.
The author’s definition of “strengths” isn’t necessarily the traditional definition. She seems to define strengths as something that “energizes” an individual. She wants us to help identify these things that energize individuals and help them pursue those things to find success, and to develop skills and talents in those areas. While the premise sounds good on the surface.
My problem with this is that while her definition of “strengths” might be different than the traditional one. The language she uses brings to mind certain feelings about the traditional definition of strengths, and correspondingly weaknesses. I worry that with all the talk of strengths, it is likely to develop a fixed mindset in children, who might start thinking that “well I’m no good at that. It’s not one of my strengths, so why bother trying?” Whereas I tend to believe that with a growth mindset, challenges can be used as a stepping stone to develop new strengths in any area of an individuals choosing.
Another complaint I had with the book was that I saw no data to show that her “strengths” program actually helps, only anecdotal evidence. In fact at one point towards the end of the book she stated that the “strengths” program can’t be evaluated by traditional standardized testing, and that we need to come up with new testing that is capable of showing the benefits of this program. My thoughts were maybe it can be evaluated by traditional means, and it’s just not truly helping. Maybe it is actually unintentionally contributing to a fixed mindset and actually hindering the development of strengths, and thus not showing any improvement on traditional tests, because it’s truly not helping.
My final complaint was that it seemed rather repetitive, and made the book much longer than it needed to be, and made it hard for me to maintain interest.
July 24, 2022
Accentuate the positive, and forget about or even better suppress the negative when it comes to optimizing how students learn.
That seems to be the message of this scattershot book penned in 2008 by a former short-term Head of School at several elite private schools ranging across America from New Jersey to Arkansas to the Berkshires.
At least half the book contains worksheets and self assessment forms (called the Affinity Program) for determining where your strengths lie so that you (or your kids) can stop stressing over the stuff that makes you anxious at school and start hitting the ball out of the park every time you come to bat. The program only involves about six months of keeping logs and journals and taking selfie pictures and ranking yourself according to a myriad of scales.
One of my strengths happens to lie in having an inherent disdain for such hokum and having discovered long ago that learning for me comes in bits and spurts sprinkled with delightful aha moments when least expected. But only if I stay engaged.
Fox dubs herself a lifetime warrior in the Education Revolution and mentions several others like Piaget, Montessori, and Rudolf Steiner among her peers. I’m not sure I’m ready to see learning as some kind of battle, but if this is your thing, I hope it floats your boat!
That seems to be the message of this scattershot book penned in 2008 by a former short-term Head of School at several elite private schools ranging across America from New Jersey to Arkansas to the Berkshires.
At least half the book contains worksheets and self assessment forms (called the Affinity Program) for determining where your strengths lie so that you (or your kids) can stop stressing over the stuff that makes you anxious at school and start hitting the ball out of the park every time you come to bat. The program only involves about six months of keeping logs and journals and taking selfie pictures and ranking yourself according to a myriad of scales.
One of my strengths happens to lie in having an inherent disdain for such hokum and having discovered long ago that learning for me comes in bits and spurts sprinkled with delightful aha moments when least expected. But only if I stay engaged.
Fox dubs herself a lifetime warrior in the Education Revolution and mentions several others like Piaget, Montessori, and Rudolf Steiner among her peers. I’m not sure I’m ready to see learning as some kind of battle, but if this is your thing, I hope it floats your boat!
November 10, 2017
This strives to help us be more aware of what makes us feel strong, empowered, good, and to help those around us become more aware too. The idea is that if we truly know not just what we are good at, but what brings us satisfaction to do, then we will be more successful. I like the premise. The book itself is targeting school administrators, teachers, and parents all in one, so there are whole sections that as a parent I did not find accessible. But as a whole, the philosophy is something I can get behind.
October 28, 2023
Did the Audible version. Slow start and I’m not sure if it was the woman who narrated or just boring. But.. there were definitely lots of hidden gems that stuck with me. I may give it another try at another time. I did already start implementing some of what was suggested to help create dialogue to find activity strengths
October 23, 2019
Only 4 stars because I wanted more but the author put how to assessments and expected me to go figure things out. I really liked this book.
July 15, 2008
What an excellent book for parents, educators, and just about everyone else too. "Your Child's Strengths" by Jenifer Fox is a well-structured, logical, and methodical plan for bringing out the best in children, while inculcating resiliance and responsibility to help them face the ups and downs ahead of them.
Fox uses well thought-out plans, exercises, and examples to help her target audience learn how to re-focus their senses to work WITH children rather than trying to work ON children. Her approach is designed to assist the parent or educator in acting as a guide to the child who discovers their own strengths. I'm sure anyone who has ever had or worked with a child can verify that truths which come from within are much more powerful and have much more staying power than those others 'teach' TO us. Learning to recognize your own strengths vice talents can be compared to recognizing small epiphanies that occur in your life when you are happy, pleased, and self-confident. In this respect, the book is a manual for recognizing personal strengths in ourselves as well as enabling our children to learn to recognize and work with their strengths.
Fox is careful to explain the both the concepts behind this strategy and the actions needed to carry it out. The first part of the book explains the reasoning and successes of this method. The second portion provides descriptions and examples for recognizing strengths and how to delve deeper than mere words by utilizing all our senses to pick up what children can't or won't say. The final chapters are literally a textbook with exercises, suggestions, and charts each reader can use.
Even the appendices have structure and use as they detail lists and writings to implement this process individually, in the family, in groups, and grade-by-grade in schools. There are also success stories and contacts available for readers.
As both a mother and an educator, I'm very encouraged after reading "Your Child's Strengths". Both parents looking for guidance and educators screaming for help (although maybe I should phrase that the other way around!) can use the truths laid out so diligently in Jenifer Fox's book to combat the negativity so prevalent around us and infecting our children. I'll certainly be recommending it to my fellow educators and close friends. After all, with so much to learn the target audience need not be restricted to parents and educators. Personal growth is not, and should not be, only a childhood experience.
Fox uses well thought-out plans, exercises, and examples to help her target audience learn how to re-focus their senses to work WITH children rather than trying to work ON children. Her approach is designed to assist the parent or educator in acting as a guide to the child who discovers their own strengths. I'm sure anyone who has ever had or worked with a child can verify that truths which come from within are much more powerful and have much more staying power than those others 'teach' TO us. Learning to recognize your own strengths vice talents can be compared to recognizing small epiphanies that occur in your life when you are happy, pleased, and self-confident. In this respect, the book is a manual for recognizing personal strengths in ourselves as well as enabling our children to learn to recognize and work with their strengths.
Fox is careful to explain the both the concepts behind this strategy and the actions needed to carry it out. The first part of the book explains the reasoning and successes of this method. The second portion provides descriptions and examples for recognizing strengths and how to delve deeper than mere words by utilizing all our senses to pick up what children can't or won't say. The final chapters are literally a textbook with exercises, suggestions, and charts each reader can use.
Even the appendices have structure and use as they detail lists and writings to implement this process individually, in the family, in groups, and grade-by-grade in schools. There are also success stories and contacts available for readers.
As both a mother and an educator, I'm very encouraged after reading "Your Child's Strengths". Both parents looking for guidance and educators screaming for help (although maybe I should phrase that the other way around!) can use the truths laid out so diligently in Jenifer Fox's book to combat the negativity so prevalent around us and infecting our children. I'll certainly be recommending it to my fellow educators and close friends. After all, with so much to learn the target audience need not be restricted to parents and educators. Personal growth is not, and should not be, only a childhood experience.
February 17, 2016
An extensive and practical guide for parents and teachers, subtitled “Discover Them, Develop Them, Use Them.” The author heads a private school in NJ, has 25 years of experience in teaching and administration. After spending significant time describing how our educational system focuses more on weaknesses than strengths (she calls it the “weakness habit”), she challenges the reader to consider that LD does not so much stand for Learning Disabled as Learning Different. Focusing on the strength side of the equation (according to Fox, the opposite of strength is not weakness, it is depletion), she delineates three major types of strength – Activity Strengths (something you do well and enjoy), Relationship Strengths (how you connect with others) and Learning Strengths (how you acquire knowledge). Encouraging all to look to the strengths in our children (and ourselves) as “The Approach for Life,” the book includes numerous techniques, questions and hands-on, detailed exercises for children of all ages (as well as for parents and teachers) to identify and develop these key strengths with an eye towards enabling them to grow into healthy and happy adults with a passion for their lives and relationships.
Rich with resources and practical examples, the book includes Appendixes with a short Strengths Inventory and the curriculum for the Affinities Program, “a guide to creating a school environment devoted to student strengths.” The final appendix lists numerous websites related
Rich with resources and practical examples, the book includes Appendixes with a short Strengths Inventory and the curriculum for the Affinities Program, “a guide to creating a school environment devoted to student strengths.” The final appendix lists numerous websites related
May 5, 2011
What a great read for parents and teachers. It takes the opposite approach of the current system of finding children's fault's and then trying to fix them, and instead focuses on finding their strengths and developing them. It was a good reminder that children do not have to excel at every subject. Their strengths are things that interest, energize, and enliven them (and not simply, I am good at soccer, but I enjoy working with a team or figuring out strategies). The process of discovery is one that parent and child should go on together and builds over time. Children need to know what their strengths and learning styles are, so that they can be their own advocate in the classroom and in life. This goes beyond just finding confidence and fulfillment in school, but in college, the work place, and adult life. The first half of the book explains her philosophy (which I have well-marked) and the second half is a workbook for helping you through the process of discovery. I really hope to use it with all my children and Fox has done a great job of providing the tools to do so.
November 11, 2013
I found only part of this book useful, the line of questioning for children. It could have been a short, one page book! The rest is very tired, has been covered, and is of no interest to me. I'm always looking for some new thoughts, and she only had a very small one. I think perhaps if she had worked more on questioning, and less on the other topics, I would have rated it much higher.
My family home learns, and this is very school-oriented. Perhaps not so surprising, since this lady is a principal. I think I would not want this lady as a principal of a school my children were in. Although she appears to talk the talk, she gives no words to home learning, or any alternative way of going about education. The 'tests' to determine strengths are too forced and not interesting enough for us to use, very schoolish.
Working on strengths is what home learners do every day, and we do it better than the schools can. I'm not sure schools can ever replicate what we are able to do because of the way they are already set up, but I do hope it happens eventually, for all children's sake.
My family home learns, and this is very school-oriented. Perhaps not so surprising, since this lady is a principal. I think I would not want this lady as a principal of a school my children were in. Although she appears to talk the talk, she gives no words to home learning, or any alternative way of going about education. The 'tests' to determine strengths are too forced and not interesting enough for us to use, very schoolish.
Working on strengths is what home learners do every day, and we do it better than the schools can. I'm not sure schools can ever replicate what we are able to do because of the way they are already set up, but I do hope it happens eventually, for all children's sake.
May 18, 2011
I found this book a fascinating look at how schools are falling short in getting kids to understand their strengths. Too often, Fox says, school operate from a weakness standpoint, showing kids what they can't do rather than helping them discover what they can do. This book is a useful read for those interested in helping children figure out not jsut what they are good at, but the type of activities that excite them and energize them. You can be good at something but not like to do it, and that's wheree a lot of kids fall today - they pursue a career in a field on which they have talent (because of the money offered, perhaps) rather than passion. There's a great chapter in here on college admissions and how kids go astray in picking out where they should go. There's another good chapter on the myth of teenage rebellion. It would certainly be easy to implement Fox's ideas in an independent school like the one she runs, but there are good ideas in here nevertheless.
March 20, 2013
When I picked this book up I thought it was written specifically for parents but while reading it i actually felt like it was more for educators but can also be used by parents. i liked how she spoke about strengths as being something that gives us a positive energy and not necessarily something that others see us as being good at. somebody can't be told what their strengths are but we have to discover them ourselves. first we must go through this journey ourselves and then we can help children find their own strengths. i don't re-read books often but this is one i think i would enjoy reading again. my children are young now and i don't think they're quite ready to discover their own strengths but i would like to review this book to discover my own strengths so that i'm more practiced for when they're older. as a side note i also enjoyed reading about why we study the things we do in schools and the discussion about whether or not our school curriculum should be updated.
March 20, 2013
I like this author's viewpoint of education and schooling. As a homeschooler I wanted to be sure I allowed my children to develop their own personal strengths and to be empowered by them. I wanted them to use their strengths to overcome any "weakness" that they were "told" they had (not by me, but by others who would be their teachers when I wasn't around). I'm a very positive person and the ideas presented in this book helped me validate my kid's individual learning styles. I'm done with this book now that my kid's are teens, but I'm going to pass it on in hopes that another parent can see the positive strengths in their children. A great resource, although the workbook section never appealed to me.
March 1, 2010
I really identified with this book (another education book, albeit one that can be applied to other arenas) but it talks about in our current educational system we tend to be focused on our weaknesses so that we can overcome them and learn. However this book sets out the premise that it would be better to help our students (and children) to identify their strengths (those things that make them feel alive and energetic) so that they can use their strengths in other arenas and so that they can eventually put themselves in a path that will utilize their strengths and lead to a much more fulfilling and satisfying life. Really interesting!
Read
March 16, 2015In real life, people build their careers based upon their strengths. Most people are not completely well-rounded and they succeed in life nonetheless. In the age of high-stakes testing, schools are being forced to produce students who grow evenly in all curriculum areas. If one of a child's skills fails to develop according to the prescribed sequence and timeline, the school hurries in to "remediate".
Wouldn't it be better to build upon strengths rather than give young children the message that they don't measure up? Emphasizing strengths is a wise, realistic, and healthy way to encourage growth in children.
Wouldn't it be better to build upon strengths rather than give young children the message that they don't measure up? Emphasizing strengths is a wise, realistic, and healthy way to encourage growth in children.
Currently reading
September 5, 2009The school system teaches from an archaic place and does not recognize strengths of individual as a rule. Parents and teachers have to work together to foster this type of learning. Early on, children may get diagnosed with a LD or learning disorder. This may enable the child to receive more attention in school but does not address the real issue, which is that children are engaged in learning when they are learning from a strength standpoint and understand how the content selected by teacher connects to a larger picture for the student. Eye-opening, riveting, alarming .. true.
June 21, 2010
This was a tough book to get through for some reason. It's meaty and has good information but after I got too far into realized that it's meant for kids over the age of nine. It still has lots of practical ideas that I know we can take into account with our son but for ages 4 and younger and through elementary school it's more of reflecting on your child's likes, etc. and documenting those for later use as they go through the discovery process later in life. I might pick it back up again once our son is older to go through the workbook section.
Currently reading
November 3, 2008This is way more powerful than I ever suspected. I can't put it down and caused quite a conversation at my son's baseball game today. Jennifer Fox is brilliant. I only picked it up because Marcus Buckingham wrote the intro (I secretly have a crush on him), but now I'm realizing all that is wrong with our schools. I hope Barack Obama has read this book. Clearly, Bill and Melinda Gates have! Can't wait to learn more.
November 27, 2010
I am in the middle of reading this book & am realizing that I need to buy my own copy b/c this is one of those really helpful resourceful books that I know I will come back to time & time again. I haven't even gotten to the part of the book where it helps you not only identify your child's strengths but also your own. Another dually healing purposeful book that I can see by focusing on our strengths we can accomplish & be anything.
May 18, 2013
Fox is an experienced teacher who effectively makes the case that we should be educating children according to their natural strengths, for their benefit and ours. She describes the three types of strengths: Activity, Learning, and Relationship. Along the way, she also provides a summary of the evolution of theories in education. The book includes a series of activities parents can do with their children to reveal their strengths.
August 25, 2014
The beginning of this book got me fired up & thoroughly excited. However, the process and explanations of walking a tween/teen through this discovery at the back 1/2 ro 1/3 of the book is confusing, cumbersome and difficult to imagine really using. This was so disappointing after really enjoying her theories & stories. I haven't checked out the website to see if there are more user friendly tools or explanations, but the general motivations & writing are there for sure.
January 9, 2009
I loved this book! I thought I was reading it for my kids, but honestly I needed it for myself. I highly recommend this to anyone with kids of any age. In fact, though I don't yet have teenagers, her chapters on teenagers were my favorite. The last fourth or so of the book are workbook style exercises that reinforce the principles in the first part of the book.
February 4, 2009
The first half of the book was pretty much a waste of my time. I mean, seriously, I picked up the book, so obviously she was preaching to the choir. But I give it 4 stars because of the workbook pages in the back to help children, particularly adolescents figure out how they learn, what makes them happy, and how they can best contribute to a group. I'll definitely be referencing this again.
May 9, 2011
Excellant. Well written and easy to read. Different approach than others that I have read. Easy for me to relate to. I like the application component. As I read it, I wondered if maybe this is basic and something that everybody else always does. There are a few areas that I use this appoach as a teacher and parent, but I would like to make a paradigm switch.
September 6, 2012
The book presents an alternative way of viewing success for both children and adults. My only problem with the audio edition (used a downloadable version) is that a significant portion of the book is a workbook. This does not work well in an audio format. So I suggest listening to the audio version, and if the concepts are useful, gettng a print copy to use for the workbook activities.
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