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Metzger's Dog
The much-loved comic thriller by the author of the Edgar Award–winning The Butcher’s Boy is now, by popular demand, back in print, featuring a new Introduction by bestselling author Carl Hiaasen.When Leroy “Chinese” Gordon breaks into a professor’s lab at the University of Los Angeles, he’s after some pharmaceutical cocaine, worth plenty of money. Instead, he finds the papers the professor has compiled for the CIA, which include a blueprint for throwing a large city into chaos. But how is the CIA to be persuaded to pay a suitable ransom, unless of course someone actually uses the plan to throw a large city into chaos—Los Angeles, for instance? Assigned to cope with the crisis and restore the peace, veteran agent Ben Porterfield steps onto the scene to remind us that the CIA’s middle name is, after all, Intelligence. Enlivening the mix are Gordon’s beautiful girlfriend, Margaret, his temperamental cat, Dr. Henry Metzger, and Metzger’s friend, an enormous half-wild dog with huge teeth.
332 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 1, 1983
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1485 people want to read
About the author
Thomas Perry
93 books1,701 followersThomas Perry was the author of 25 novels. He was born in Tonawanda, New York in 1947. He received a B.A. from Cornell University in 1969 and a Ph.D. in English from the University of Rochester in 1974. He had worked as a park maintenance man, factory laborer, commercial fisherman, university administrator and teacher, and as a writer and producer of prime time network television shows.
Thomas Perry lived in Southern California.
Thomas Perry lived in Southern California.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 271 reviews
April 6, 2021
This comic thriller has an introduction by Carl Hiaasen, whose novels are among the funniest around.
*****
When thieves sneak into the Los Angeles home of Leroy 'Chinese' Gordon - who heads a criminal gang - you'd think Chinese would pull a gun. But Chinese has another idea. Quietly watching the burglars from the second floor of his house, Chinese abruptly scoops up his cat, Dr. Henry Metzger, and drops him onto the perps' heads. The cat claws the thieves, who flee - which is all well and good. However, Dr. Henry Metzger - resentful of being used in this fashion - seeks out Chinese's overalls....and pees and poops on them. 😊💕
Dr. Henry Metzger is the most amusing member of the gangleader's entourage, which includes Chinese's beautiful girlfriend Margaret and his band of felonious cohorts.
Chinese, who's handy with armaments, has built a large portable cannon for his gang to use during bank heists. The crooks plan to blow out the walls of bank buildings and nab the cash inside.
Chinese asks a Mexican drug dealer, Grijalvas, If he'll launder the money, and Grijalvas proposes a quid pro quo: He'll help the gang if they'll first steal a stockpile of cocaine from the University of Los Angeles (ULA) - where it's being used for medical research.
Chinese and his cronies pull off the cocaine heist and - almost on a whim - Chinese also swipes a box of papers from the office of ULA Professor Ian Donahue.
Before the gang is done for the night they come across a huge, vicious guard dog, and - because one gang member has a soft spot for canines - bring it home with them. Chinese is certain the dog would as soon kill him as look at him and plans to put it down. However, Dr. Henry Metzger (the cat) steps in. The feline has a hypnotic effect on the giant dog, who 'listens to him.' Thus the book's title, "Metzger's Dog."
With respect to the papers stolen from ULA, it turns out that Professor Donahue is a CIA operative, and the documents describe psychological warfare operations meant to create panic in certain Latin American countries. Worse yet, the papers reveal the identities of undercover CIA agents.
When Donahue's bosses at the CIA learn of the theft they think 'terrorists' have the papers and become very alarmed - concerned the files will be sold to a foreign nation. Hence the CIA is determined to retrieve the papers by any means necessary.
Meanwhile, Chinese realizes the documents are valuable and decides he'll ransom them to the CIA for 10 million dollars. This starts an elaborate cat and mouse game where the bandits try to exchange the stolen documents for money, and the CIA tries to catch the 'terrorist' thieves.
Chinese realizes the CIA is not acting in good faith and takes drastic measures to force their hand. This is where the story goes over the top. The crooks' shenanigans become SO complicated that each scheme feels like a 'Rube Goldberg' operation - "intentionally designed to perform a simple task in an indirect and overcomplicated fashion."
The gang's machinations are meant to be hilarious, but the hijinks get old fast.....and result in a lot of violent death.
Parts of the book are indeed fun, like Dr. Henry Metzger's influence over the dog, and the cat's ability to enter and leave Chinese's 'secure' house - which is supposedly locked down tight - at will.
The book also has some entertaining human characters, including Chinese's criminal colleagues and the less-than-competent CIA authorities, but overall I found it a bit overwrought. Still, readers looking for a 'light thriller' might enjoy it.
Rube Goldberg Machine
You can follow my reviews at https://reviewsbybarbsaffer.blogspot....
May 20, 2015
This was great. It took a little while to really suck me in because everything about it was understated. As the characters & the plot developed & came together, the grip of the story became relentless. The reader was perfect for the story which was full of a wry humor as well as a twisty plot. The characters made it. Their quirks & dialog were perfect.
I loved the way Dr. Henry Metzger, the cat, controlled his world. Rather than being an integral part of the plot, he is very like Chinese in the way he manipulates in the human world. It's a very nicely done counterpoint that wasn't strictly necessary, but added a lot to the story. Perry easily had room for it since he didn't waste words any where. His descriptions were as vibrant & lean as Zelazny's. (My finest compliment.)
The audio edition had a foreword that sucked. It's the sort that gives forewords a bad name. It added absolutely nothing & contained some mild spoilers. It would have worked as an afterword, if I didn't have a group discussion to chortle about the finer points with. As it is, try to skip it.
I'll definitely try to read more by Perry.
I loved the way Dr. Henry Metzger, the cat, controlled his world. Rather than being an integral part of the plot, he is very like Chinese in the way he manipulates in the human world. It's a very nicely done counterpoint that wasn't strictly necessary, but added a lot to the story. Perry easily had room for it since he didn't waste words any where. His descriptions were as vibrant & lean as Zelazny's. (My finest compliment.)
The audio edition had a foreword that sucked. It's the sort that gives forewords a bad name. It added absolutely nothing & contained some mild spoilers. It would have worked as an afterword, if I didn't have a group discussion to chortle about the finer points with. As it is, try to skip it.
I'll definitely try to read more by Perry.
April 30, 2013
I was in kind of a rut with books, not really liking much that I read. This was especially true with audiobooks, where I really didn't like many of them that I have listened to recently. So I decided to go back to a modern classic, a book that I loved many years ago, Thomas Perry's "Metzger's Dog", in the hopes that I would still like it and once again get a book I really truly enjoyed.
And lucky for me, I wasn't disappointed. A real comic masterpiece, full of crazy ideas, nutty characters and, most importantly, deep insights into people and governments. Perry aims high and hits a bullseye. This audiobook includes a forward by Carl Hiaasen, where he waxes poetic about the wonderful writing.
"Metzger's Dog" tells the story of Chinese Gordon and his gang, who, while in the middle of one caper, grab some papers that the CIA will really want to get back. Gordon, along with two partners in crime and his beautiful (naturally!) girlfriend Margaret, spend the rest of the book trying to convince the CIA that just handing over the ransom money would be much easier than continually trying to screw with them.
Along the way, Gordon ends up with a massive junkyard dog, who is immediately adopted by his cat, Dr. Henry Metzger. He also builds his own anti-aircraft gun, which is lovingly mounted in the back of a van. Each time they try to get the money from the CIA, they are double crossed by an inept group of spooks, who ignore the advice from the one rational spy there. And each time they ratchet up the pressure and try to convince the CIA of their seriousness.
Oh, the stunts they pull to try and get the money and break free! Each one is more elaborate and outrageous than the last one, and each time, the CIA bumbles it in an even bigger way, with some truly laugh out loud results.
The banter between Gordon, his girlfriend and his two cohorts is alone worth the price of admission. Gordon is a bit of an idiot savant and his cohorts try to keep him grounded, while bringing their own set of skills, like lockpicking and sharpshooting. And Dr. Henry Metzger, as well as his new dog (which doesn't get a name until the very end), are important characters in their own right.
This book (along with The Butcher's Boy) cemented me in as a huge Thomas Perry fan boy. His humor, dialog and characters are all first rate and truly unique. You can't go wrong with either of these books. I can't say the same for his Jane Whitefield series, which is more serious and consequently feels more plodding. Some of his later novels are okay (I've read and reviewed Fidelity and Nightlife), but "Metzger's Dog" is a masterpiece. Go read it now!
And lucky for me, I wasn't disappointed. A real comic masterpiece, full of crazy ideas, nutty characters and, most importantly, deep insights into people and governments. Perry aims high and hits a bullseye. This audiobook includes a forward by Carl Hiaasen, where he waxes poetic about the wonderful writing.
"Metzger's Dog" tells the story of Chinese Gordon and his gang, who, while in the middle of one caper, grab some papers that the CIA will really want to get back. Gordon, along with two partners in crime and his beautiful (naturally!) girlfriend Margaret, spend the rest of the book trying to convince the CIA that just handing over the ransom money would be much easier than continually trying to screw with them.
Along the way, Gordon ends up with a massive junkyard dog, who is immediately adopted by his cat, Dr. Henry Metzger. He also builds his own anti-aircraft gun, which is lovingly mounted in the back of a van. Each time they try to get the money from the CIA, they are double crossed by an inept group of spooks, who ignore the advice from the one rational spy there. And each time they ratchet up the pressure and try to convince the CIA of their seriousness.
Oh, the stunts they pull to try and get the money and break free! Each one is more elaborate and outrageous than the last one, and each time, the CIA bumbles it in an even bigger way, with some truly laugh out loud results.
The banter between Gordon, his girlfriend and his two cohorts is alone worth the price of admission. Gordon is a bit of an idiot savant and his cohorts try to keep him grounded, while bringing their own set of skills, like lockpicking and sharpshooting. And Dr. Henry Metzger, as well as his new dog (which doesn't get a name until the very end), are important characters in their own right.
This book (along with The Butcher's Boy) cemented me in as a huge Thomas Perry fan boy. His humor, dialog and characters are all first rate and truly unique. You can't go wrong with either of these books. I can't say the same for his Jane Whitefield series, which is more serious and consequently feels more plodding. Some of his later novels are okay (I've read and reviewed Fidelity and Nightlife), but "Metzger's Dog" is a masterpiece. Go read it now!
August 30, 2015
I liked Carl Hiassen's introduction more than the novel. Chinese Gordon breaks into a lab to steal drugs and grabs secretly funded CIA research on psychological warfare. Chinese then attempts to sell the papers back to the U.S. government, and there is much mayhem. The human characters were lame, totally eclipsed by Chinese's cat (Dr. Henry Metzger) and the vicious security dog his gang stole. Perry's other books are better; this one can be skipped.
May 20, 2015
I'd have to say this isn't my typical type of book, so I'm glad it was selected for Action group's read this month. I found it enjoyable. I think that if this was a movie, it would be a Steven Soderburg movie for sure. I could see his touch all over the movie adaptation.
What I liked:
*I liked the wry and subtle humor. You have to be paying attention to see it, and it's highly ironical. The CIA's big thinkers believe their culprit is anything from the Russians to a huge terrorist cell, but it's not anything of the sort. Their antics to resolve the situation only seem to make things worst. I felt kind of bad rooting for Chinese and his gang, but they were seeming more and more like the good guys in that situation anyway. This book doesn't give a person the best view of the CIA, that's for sure.
*I liked Doctor Henry Metzger and his dog. I wish they were in the book more. Considering that the book is named after them, I expected more of an appearance. But when they are there, they steal the scenes. I think Perry is an animal person. He seems to understand their psychology and how they seem to run the households in which they live and often leave their persons baffled.
*The descriptions were very well rendered. I used all my senses as I read this book. The narrative is never wordy, which would have lent this book to boredom, considering that some much of the narrative hinges on theoretical sociological research.
*This whole book is deftly plotted. I think it could have easily fallen apart, considering the subject matter. But it doesn't.
*I think Margaret is one of the strongest characters. Surprisingly Chinese Gordon takes a back seat to her. She is really the brains of the operation.
I wasn't at all sure what I'd get when I started this book. It's kind of like when you go to a restaurant and let your companion pick something off the menu, and you decide you like it. It's a win on both sides.
What I liked:
*I liked the wry and subtle humor. You have to be paying attention to see it, and it's highly ironical. The CIA's big thinkers believe their culprit is anything from the Russians to a huge terrorist cell, but it's not anything of the sort. Their antics to resolve the situation only seem to make things worst. I felt kind of bad rooting for Chinese and his gang, but they were seeming more and more like the good guys in that situation anyway. This book doesn't give a person the best view of the CIA, that's for sure.
*I liked Doctor Henry Metzger and his dog. I wish they were in the book more. Considering that the book is named after them, I expected more of an appearance. But when they are there, they steal the scenes. I think Perry is an animal person. He seems to understand their psychology and how they seem to run the households in which they live and often leave their persons baffled.
*The descriptions were very well rendered. I used all my senses as I read this book. The narrative is never wordy, which would have lent this book to boredom, considering that some much of the narrative hinges on theoretical sociological research.
*This whole book is deftly plotted. I think it could have easily fallen apart, considering the subject matter. But it doesn't.
*I think Margaret is one of the strongest characters. Surprisingly Chinese Gordon takes a back seat to her. She is really the brains of the operation.
I wasn't at all sure what I'd get when I started this book. It's kind of like when you go to a restaurant and let your companion pick something off the menu, and you decide you like it. It's a win on both sides.
March 21, 2016
What was it--a Ford Econoline van--one of those big, boxy models--outfitted with automatic butterfly doors in back and a
retractable Howitzer field artillery gun
--which starts off this story? Hilarious. Its as if Hunter Thompson collaborated with AJ Quinell to concoct this tale. But no--in this case, we can't heap enough laurels on the brow of Thomas Perry; a clever and ingenious author unfairly under-recognized among his peers. Among the now over-crowded, over-ambitious, over-awesome action-fiction arena, this quiet, quirky story remains distinct and valuable for showing everyone a different way-to-get-the-job-done. Perry has really pulled off something unique here--and its largely gone un-recognized. In the era of 'frantic seriousness' we suffer now, a light-hearted thriller with oddball characters, goofy dialog, hip romance and overall slick style will likely continue to be overlooked. But this book is *sharp*. It's flat-out *fun*. Perry was already a proven craftsman at writing serious, sober, action-thrills, (see 'The Butcher's Boy'). But this 'lark'--this experiment--this amalgamation--is surprisingly, his best. More action-authors should strive to emulate such weirdness and irreverence. A neo-noir comedy-espionage thriller. Why not? If it feels good, just do it!
November 14, 2007
Having loved Perry's Jane Whitefield books, and been dazzled by their pace and that of a couple of subsequent works of Perry's, I was intrigued to pick up this well-reviewed early work. Metzger is, surprisingly, the name of our protagonist's cat! His human `Chinese' Gordon, is a rather petty criminal who stumbles onto a major opportunity. Blackmailing the CIA? Gonna try, anyway. Bring in Latino Mafia-like members as allies? OK, but how long will it last? Do all this while upsetting the workings of a city the size of Los Angeles? Pick a couple of vulnerable spots and attack them. Gordon and his cronies are easy to root for 'bad guys'. The CIA agents are a pleasantly varied lot. The action rolls past you like Gordon's van well over the speed limit. Wonderful fun, particularly if you live in and/or know the Los Angeles area as I do. Add my five stars to all of the others. Great pace, funny and sometimes violent scenes, a great moll for Gordon, a winner for Perry like so many of his others.
June 13, 2019
“Metzger’s Dog” by Thomas Perry is one of the most unusual and at the same time one of the best “thrillers” that I have read. It is hilarious, suspenseful, and just a pleasure to read. At a recent book signing event, Perry was asked which of his books his favorite was, and he immediately chose “Metzger’s Dog.” Now I know why; this book is fantastic; I could not stop laughing and cringing at the same time.
It is hard to adequately describe the book without giving away critical “plot points,” so I will just say that unusual details make this book compelling and entertaining. The story features a dog, a dark, dangerous, panting, drooling dog, owned by Dr. Henry Metzger who is really the only one not petrified of “the dog.” People are afraid that “the dog” will get hungry and eat the mail carrier or an entire kindergarten class.
In a plot that could be from today’s news rather than a book published in 1983, Leroy "Chinese" Gordon and his band of only moderately competent drug dealers and thieves stumble upon a government “Black Ops” operation that seeks to bring down “enemy” governments from the inside by creating citizen unrest. The “team” plans to foster distrust of local governments through media campaigns that accuse governments of reprehensible events, everything from allowing contaminated baby food to producing toxic tampons. Of course, all of this is just “fake news” and none of these events would actually happen. The unknowing but believing population would rebel against the nasty government, and the economy would collapse. The now “liberated” citizenry would eagerly allow outside countries to help the new government, and market resources such as petroleum reserves.
“Metzger’s Dog” is a masterpiece, full of wacky characters and frighteningly realistic suspense. It also provides a startling look at the use of media to manipulate people and governments. I laughed all the way through, but came away with a new perception of media, fake news, and social manipulation, oh and a healthy respect for dangerous, panting, drooling dogs.
It is hard to adequately describe the book without giving away critical “plot points,” so I will just say that unusual details make this book compelling and entertaining. The story features a dog, a dark, dangerous, panting, drooling dog, owned by Dr. Henry Metzger who is really the only one not petrified of “the dog.” People are afraid that “the dog” will get hungry and eat the mail carrier or an entire kindergarten class.
In a plot that could be from today’s news rather than a book published in 1983, Leroy "Chinese" Gordon and his band of only moderately competent drug dealers and thieves stumble upon a government “Black Ops” operation that seeks to bring down “enemy” governments from the inside by creating citizen unrest. The “team” plans to foster distrust of local governments through media campaigns that accuse governments of reprehensible events, everything from allowing contaminated baby food to producing toxic tampons. Of course, all of this is just “fake news” and none of these events would actually happen. The unknowing but believing population would rebel against the nasty government, and the economy would collapse. The now “liberated” citizenry would eagerly allow outside countries to help the new government, and market resources such as petroleum reserves.
“Metzger’s Dog” is a masterpiece, full of wacky characters and frighteningly realistic suspense. It also provides a startling look at the use of media to manipulate people and governments. I laughed all the way through, but came away with a new perception of media, fake news, and social manipulation, oh and a healthy respect for dangerous, panting, drooling dogs.
February 27, 2018
It's hard to go wrong with Thomas Perry. I actually read this title some time ago, but neglected to shelve it when I began using GR. This one is a heart-stopping page turner. Don't plan to read it during small blocks of time, like lunchtime at work or during a break. Save it to bury yourself in on a long cold weekend; this one would suit many of you nicely.
My copy was procured by me for myself--whether used or new, I don't remember, but it grabbed me by the hair and I had to read till it was done.
If you're planning a nice getaway to the beach, save this book for when you're flopped in the cabin, tent, or hotel. If you try to lie in the sand and read it while sunbathing, you will forget to get up, and your entire body will reproach you.
Otherwise, highly recommended.
My copy was procured by me for myself--whether used or new, I don't remember, but it grabbed me by the hair and I had to read till it was done.
If you're planning a nice getaway to the beach, save this book for when you're flopped in the cabin, tent, or hotel. If you try to lie in the sand and read it while sunbathing, you will forget to get up, and your entire body will reproach you.
Otherwise, highly recommended.
June 1, 2015
Leroy Charles "Chinese" Gordon’s skill set is immense, ranging from master thief to tool-and-die maker whose latest product is a precision-machined M-39 cannon, an air-to-air automatic cannon with devastating firepower. It will be mounted on an SUV and used to good effect on the upcoming job.
We meet Chinese Gordon when he is asleep in the room above his metalworking shop. His roommate, Dr. Henry Metzger, quietly indicates that someone has stealthily entered the shop. Chinese goes to the balcony, looks down, and sees an invader. He immediately reacts by picking up the good doctor Metzger and dropping him on the thief’s head. There is a cacophony of spitting and the sound of clawing before the perp flees trailing blood and curses. You see, Dr. Henry Metzger is a very large cat, and perhaps the brain behind this clever book.
So begins Thomas Perry’s zany 1983 novel Metzger’s Dog. Dog? Well, it turns out that Dr. Henry Metzger has a strange relationship with a large and feisty dog—a vicious former junkyard dog that the doctor has turned into a friend. Now, if this seems weird, remember that the foreword to the book is by Carl Hiaasen, a man familiar with quirky humor.
Chinese Gordon and his gang of three (Immelman, Kepler, and very smart girlfriend Margaret) are planning a heist. The CIA has funded a professor’s research into an algorithm to quantify the propensity of a nation to fall into chaos. Testing it requires determining what anxieties are prominent in a country and triggering them, then measuring the spread of panic. With this tool the CIA can overthrow governments by using the right trigger to initiate domestic panics. The CIA has provided a pound of very pure cocaine to be used in a test of the algorithm’s power. But now the Agency has decided that the project is both without merit and very embarrassing, and it should be “deleted.”
Chinese Gordon has learned of the cocaine and his eyes are set on the stash, now held in a university facility where the researcher’s office is located. The gang gets access to the facility and takes the heroin along with a box of unknown contents that turn out to be the prof’s reports on the project. On the way out, a guard gets too familiar and the gang makes good use of the M-39, showing the firepower of an aircraft cannon. In their escape from LAPD helicopters, the gang drops by a junkyard to change the look of their van, and it inadvertently acquires the junkyard dog—a truly vicious animal that immediately falls into submission when it meets Dr. Metzger.
This theft puts Chinese Gordon at odds with the CIA, represented by a field agent named Ben Porterfield, whose cover is as the director of a large philanthropic foundation. Porterfield’s mission is two-fold: to recover the cocaine and the reports, and to bury the professor’s embarrassing project so deeply that it can’t be recovered. Emphasis is on the second part. Chinese Gordon also realizes that the papers are an embarrassment--how will governments react to reports of experiments on their soil to undermine them? So he decides to blackmail the CIA; this is normally not a fair game.
The book is filled with dry humor and dripping with irony, but so subtly written that one must read closely to see it. When Chinese Gordon suggests using the prof’s papers to blackmail the CIA, he says, “Secrecy is their middle name,” Immelman responds, “Actually, Intelligence is their middle name.” Belying this is the CIA Director’s determination that the theft of the papers was a Russian act to embarrass the US, and his plan to kidnap Russian diplomats to force a diplomat-for-papers exchange. Has the butterfly wing moved? Will chaos will reign?
A curiosity of Metzger’s Dog is the interesting use of real people for protagonists’ names. Charles “Chinese” Gordon, was a famous 19th century British general; Johannes Kepler was the 17th century scientist who postulated that the earth orbited the sun; Max Immelman was Germany’s first WWI flying ace; Dr. Henry Metzger is an immunologist and scientist emeritus at the NIH. What do these names signify? Somehow they do—there is no coincidence in a novel.
This is a fun, fast-paced, and tightly-woven book with an interesting plot filled with outrageous characters who somehow work to make this satire of the intelligence world work well. And keep your eye on Dr. Henry Metzger—-he has a more important role than just pacifying a vicious dog. And don’t forget to add the junkyard dog to the list of gang members.
Four stars.
We meet Chinese Gordon when he is asleep in the room above his metalworking shop. His roommate, Dr. Henry Metzger, quietly indicates that someone has stealthily entered the shop. Chinese goes to the balcony, looks down, and sees an invader. He immediately reacts by picking up the good doctor Metzger and dropping him on the thief’s head. There is a cacophony of spitting and the sound of clawing before the perp flees trailing blood and curses. You see, Dr. Henry Metzger is a very large cat, and perhaps the brain behind this clever book.
So begins Thomas Perry’s zany 1983 novel Metzger’s Dog. Dog? Well, it turns out that Dr. Henry Metzger has a strange relationship with a large and feisty dog—a vicious former junkyard dog that the doctor has turned into a friend. Now, if this seems weird, remember that the foreword to the book is by Carl Hiaasen, a man familiar with quirky humor.
Chinese Gordon and his gang of three (Immelman, Kepler, and very smart girlfriend Margaret) are planning a heist. The CIA has funded a professor’s research into an algorithm to quantify the propensity of a nation to fall into chaos. Testing it requires determining what anxieties are prominent in a country and triggering them, then measuring the spread of panic. With this tool the CIA can overthrow governments by using the right trigger to initiate domestic panics. The CIA has provided a pound of very pure cocaine to be used in a test of the algorithm’s power. But now the Agency has decided that the project is both without merit and very embarrassing, and it should be “deleted.”
Chinese Gordon has learned of the cocaine and his eyes are set on the stash, now held in a university facility where the researcher’s office is located. The gang gets access to the facility and takes the heroin along with a box of unknown contents that turn out to be the prof’s reports on the project. On the way out, a guard gets too familiar and the gang makes good use of the M-39, showing the firepower of an aircraft cannon. In their escape from LAPD helicopters, the gang drops by a junkyard to change the look of their van, and it inadvertently acquires the junkyard dog—a truly vicious animal that immediately falls into submission when it meets Dr. Metzger.
This theft puts Chinese Gordon at odds with the CIA, represented by a field agent named Ben Porterfield, whose cover is as the director of a large philanthropic foundation. Porterfield’s mission is two-fold: to recover the cocaine and the reports, and to bury the professor’s embarrassing project so deeply that it can’t be recovered. Emphasis is on the second part. Chinese Gordon also realizes that the papers are an embarrassment--how will governments react to reports of experiments on their soil to undermine them? So he decides to blackmail the CIA; this is normally not a fair game.
The book is filled with dry humor and dripping with irony, but so subtly written that one must read closely to see it. When Chinese Gordon suggests using the prof’s papers to blackmail the CIA, he says, “Secrecy is their middle name,” Immelman responds, “Actually, Intelligence is their middle name.” Belying this is the CIA Director’s determination that the theft of the papers was a Russian act to embarrass the US, and his plan to kidnap Russian diplomats to force a diplomat-for-papers exchange. Has the butterfly wing moved? Will chaos will reign?
A curiosity of Metzger’s Dog is the interesting use of real people for protagonists’ names. Charles “Chinese” Gordon, was a famous 19th century British general; Johannes Kepler was the 17th century scientist who postulated that the earth orbited the sun; Max Immelman was Germany’s first WWI flying ace; Dr. Henry Metzger is an immunologist and scientist emeritus at the NIH. What do these names signify? Somehow they do—there is no coincidence in a novel.
This is a fun, fast-paced, and tightly-woven book with an interesting plot filled with outrageous characters who somehow work to make this satire of the intelligence world work well. And keep your eye on Dr. Henry Metzger—-he has a more important role than just pacifying a vicious dog. And don’t forget to add the junkyard dog to the list of gang members.
Four stars.
March 11, 2016
Leroy Chinese Gordon (Wonderful name!) is a bit of an idiot savant, minor criminal, tool and die guy who lives in Los Angeles. He has lovingly hand-built his own anti-aircraft gun and mounted it in the back of his Ford van. He has two close friends who have particular skills (lockpicking and sharpshooting) and who comprise his "gang." He has a beautiful (Of course!) and smart (Surprisingly!) girlfriend named Margaret. Chinese himself is ruled by his roommate, Dr. Henry Metzger, a cat.
Chinese learns of experiments with cocaine that are being done by the University of Los Angeles. The University has a large store of the white stuff and Chinese makes a plan to steal it.
He and his cohorts are successful in grabbing the cocaine, but while they are on site, Chinese overhears a professor talking to a visitor about something very valuable that is in his office. He doesn't exactly say what this "something" is, but Chinese is intrigued. He decides to go rogue. He breaks into the professor's office and takes a locked box which is the only thing there that looks like it could possibly be valuable.
When the box is opened later, it is found to contain only papers. But what papers!
That professor had been conducting field experiments in psychological warfare for the CIA, no less. The papers in the box were his detailed reports of his findings and, essentially, contained instructions on how to wage psywar and how to bring a city to its knees. These are papers that the CIA will want back very badly.
After their caper at the university, the Gordon gang drives to a junkyard while attempting to evade the authorities. At the junkyard, through a series of events too complicated to explain here, they meet the iconic junkyard dog, a huge, black brute that does his best to devour them, and they kidnap him. Problem is no one can control the dog. That is until they get him home and he meets Dr. John Metzger. The cat takes charge of the dog. Thus, Metzger's Dog.
This is my first experience in reading a Thomas Perry novel. This particular book was first published in 1983, but was reissued in the early 2000s with a foreward by Carl Hiaasen. I read the Kindle edition which included the foreward, and, a few sentences in, Hiaasen had me laughing out loud. I thought if the book maintained the same level of humor I was in for a real treat. I was not disappointed.
The book is full of nutty characters, including many in the CIA. It is wonderfully creative and manages, in addition to the humor, to convey some clever insights into people and bureaucracies and the way they work. It is a real comic tour de force.
Most of the book has Gordon, along with his partners in crime and his girlfriend, trying to find a way to convince the CIA to turn over five million dollars in ransom in return for the papers. The CIA, unfortunately, is led by a couple of dolts, who are convinced that they are dealing with some foreign terrorist organization, and they keep trying to take that organization out while failing to deliver the money. The toll of dead bodies mounts - mostly bad guys, I should note, and none of them the actual culprits.
There is a cadre of old hands at the CIA who realize what is going on and that their leaders are screwing things up. They decide to take matters into their own hands.
The stunts that the gang pull along the way kept me smiling and chuckling. I wouldn't say the book is laugh-out-loud-Dave-Barry funny, but it is amusing. The writing is subtle. The banter between characters is sharp. All in all, it was a fun read and a nice introduction to the work of Thomas Perry. I think I'll be visiting him again.
Chinese learns of experiments with cocaine that are being done by the University of Los Angeles. The University has a large store of the white stuff and Chinese makes a plan to steal it.
He and his cohorts are successful in grabbing the cocaine, but while they are on site, Chinese overhears a professor talking to a visitor about something very valuable that is in his office. He doesn't exactly say what this "something" is, but Chinese is intrigued. He decides to go rogue. He breaks into the professor's office and takes a locked box which is the only thing there that looks like it could possibly be valuable.
When the box is opened later, it is found to contain only papers. But what papers!
That professor had been conducting field experiments in psychological warfare for the CIA, no less. The papers in the box were his detailed reports of his findings and, essentially, contained instructions on how to wage psywar and how to bring a city to its knees. These are papers that the CIA will want back very badly.
After their caper at the university, the Gordon gang drives to a junkyard while attempting to evade the authorities. At the junkyard, through a series of events too complicated to explain here, they meet the iconic junkyard dog, a huge, black brute that does his best to devour them, and they kidnap him. Problem is no one can control the dog. That is until they get him home and he meets Dr. John Metzger. The cat takes charge of the dog. Thus, Metzger's Dog.
This is my first experience in reading a Thomas Perry novel. This particular book was first published in 1983, but was reissued in the early 2000s with a foreward by Carl Hiaasen. I read the Kindle edition which included the foreward, and, a few sentences in, Hiaasen had me laughing out loud. I thought if the book maintained the same level of humor I was in for a real treat. I was not disappointed.
The book is full of nutty characters, including many in the CIA. It is wonderfully creative and manages, in addition to the humor, to convey some clever insights into people and bureaucracies and the way they work. It is a real comic tour de force.
Most of the book has Gordon, along with his partners in crime and his girlfriend, trying to find a way to convince the CIA to turn over five million dollars in ransom in return for the papers. The CIA, unfortunately, is led by a couple of dolts, who are convinced that they are dealing with some foreign terrorist organization, and they keep trying to take that organization out while failing to deliver the money. The toll of dead bodies mounts - mostly bad guys, I should note, and none of them the actual culprits.
There is a cadre of old hands at the CIA who realize what is going on and that their leaders are screwing things up. They decide to take matters into their own hands.
The stunts that the gang pull along the way kept me smiling and chuckling. I wouldn't say the book is laugh-out-loud-Dave-Barry funny, but it is amusing. The writing is subtle. The banter between characters is sharp. All in all, it was a fun read and a nice introduction to the work of Thomas Perry. I think I'll be visiting him again.
April 3, 2018
Thomas Perry's second book coming out in 1983 is pure Perry genius. Cats, dogs, and crazy villains battle equally as crazy CIA agents. Absolutely impossible to put down at any junction of the plot, this is simply a Perry hum dinger. I implore any and all mystery thriller readers to immediately read this tale ASAP . If having read before this is a must read a second time without question. 5 STARS OUT OF A POSSIBLE 5 STARS !!!!! GIVE IT 7 STARS ANYWAY !
February 9, 2018
Insipid nonsense. Cameo appearances only of the title's Metzger (the cat) and his dog. Waste of time.
October 13, 2025
Rating: 5 stars
This is a reread for me upon the news of Thomas Perry's death. I'm a big fan of his books and this is my favorite. This edition has a great foreword by author Carl Hiaasen.
SUMMARY: When Leroy “Chinese” Gordon breaks into a professor’s lab at the University of Los Angeles, he’s after some pharmaceutical cocaine, worth plenty of money. Instead, he finds the papers the professor has compiled for the CIA, which include a blueprint for throwing a large city into chaos. But how is the CIA to be persuaded to pay a suitable ransom, unless of course someone actually uses the plan to throw a large city into chaos—Los Angeles, for instance? Assigned to cope with the crisis and restore the peace, veteran agent Ben Porterfield steps onto the scene to remind us that the CIA’s middle name is, after all, Intelligence. Enlivening the mix are Gordon’s beautiful girlfriend, Margaret, his temperamental cat, Dr. Henry Metzger, and Metzger’s friend, an enormous half-wild dog with huge teeth.
This is a reread for me upon the news of Thomas Perry's death. I'm a big fan of his books and this is my favorite. This edition has a great foreword by author Carl Hiaasen.
SUMMARY: When Leroy “Chinese” Gordon breaks into a professor’s lab at the University of Los Angeles, he’s after some pharmaceutical cocaine, worth plenty of money. Instead, he finds the papers the professor has compiled for the CIA, which include a blueprint for throwing a large city into chaos. But how is the CIA to be persuaded to pay a suitable ransom, unless of course someone actually uses the plan to throw a large city into chaos—Los Angeles, for instance? Assigned to cope with the crisis and restore the peace, veteran agent Ben Porterfield steps onto the scene to remind us that the CIA’s middle name is, after all, Intelligence. Enlivening the mix are Gordon’s beautiful girlfriend, Margaret, his temperamental cat, Dr. Henry Metzger, and Metzger’s friend, an enormous half-wild dog with huge teeth.
November 24, 2012
Crime fiction is my thing. When the story is well crafted and well written, I simply can't get enough. I've been down with the gritty and the gloomy all the way from Travis McGee to Harry Bosch. I also love the wise cracking Philip Marlowe types. But stories that can really give me out-loud-laughs as well as thrills take me to a very happy place. Give me a good Elmore Leonard or Carl Hiaasen any day. Metzger's Dog goes way beyond the wise cracking detective found in some of my favorite reads. Perry's cleverly constructed story and characters are simply funny to the bone. And yet, somehow, I found an amazing level of believability in his outrageous characters, plots and action sequences. Every element seems perfectly suited to the crazy world in which the book is set - our world. While Perry's deft parodies of criminals, crime fighters and critters make me laugh, are they really more outrageous than the things happening around us every day? I think not. Could a cat really be that controlling? Could bureaucracies really be that inefficient? Could government agents really be that stupid? Yes, yes, yes!!!
June 6, 2013
One of the best suspense/thrillers I've ever read. I've just reread it after many years, and it's still one of the best.
February 7, 2021
When Leroy "Chinese" Gordon breaks into a professor's lab at the University of Los Angeles, he's after some pharmaceutical cocaine, worth plenty of money. Instead, he finds the papers the professor has compiled for the CIA, which include a blueprint for throwing a large city into chaos. But how is the CIA to be persuaded to pay a suitable ransom, unless of course someone actually uses the plan to throw a large city into chaos—Los Angeles, for instance? Assigned to cope with the crisis and restore the peace, veteran agent Ben Porterfield steps onto the scene to remind us that the CIA's middle name is, after all, Intelligence. Along for the ride are Gordon's beautiful girlfriend, Margaret, his temperamental cat, Dr. Henry Metzger, and Metzger's pet, an enormous junkyard dog with huge teeth. NYTimes Notable Book 1983; one of NPR's 100 Killer Thrillers--Best Thrillers Ever. A favorite comfort read.
June 5, 2012
I LOVED THIS! It was so much fun that I listened to it TWICE! As Carl Hiaasen points out in his introduction, it's a caper more than a thriller or mystery. It's funny and suspenseful, with fascinating (and bumbling) characters, a complex plot with more twists and turns than Calif State Route 299. One thing I really like about Thomas Perry's story-telling is that his characters often make assumptions that are very wrong and those mistakes take the events in a totally different direction. Again, Michael Kramer does an excellent job with the narration.
February 27, 2016
(3 1/2) Catching up on an earlier Perry work via e book on vacation I found this one. Carl Hiaasen wrote the introduction and that is most appropriate, as this story is very stylistically linked to him and even touches a little of Tim Dorsey's madness. This is a tongue in cheek, heavily farcical mystery/thriller with a fun story and a big old bunch of great characters. We have (sort of) dueling protagonists, 3 great side kicks and two wonderfully charismatic animals. We have Los Angeles at its finest and a bunch of deceptive maneuvers that are just outrageously entertaining. A good find.
August 20, 2010
I can't say enough good things about Thomas Perry novels. This is another book full of fascinating detail, hilarious situations and a bad guy you can't help but like.
December 21, 2010
he is a great story teller
July 17, 2011
One of my favorite books, I think of it every time I add pepper to my food, just read it.
August 27, 2018
I loved the humor in this book. When I finished it the first time I immediately started chapter one again. I have since reread it a third time.
October 4, 2025
Metzger’s Dog by Thomas Perry, 1983, is an excellent and very funny spook novel, and in my mind it gets the times and the CIA right. Perry is a wide ranging writer and thinker, see his Butcher Boy noir series, the Jane Whitefield series and several excellent stand alone novels. Evidently this had been out of print, then reissued and captured as both ebook and audiobook. I only learned of it when it was chosen recently as a Bezos bargain bin selection (thank you Dennis) -very glad to have read it 40+ years from its release.
In the intro, Carl Hiassen writes: “precious few make us laugh out loud. Elmore Leonard can do it in his sleep. So can Donald Westlake and Lawrence Block. Perry has been blessed with the same gift. Other novelists would kill for lines he tosses away like cigarette butts.” Upon reading that, immediately made a note that RossThomas, Charles Willeford, and strangely JimThompson, also come to this reader’s mind. After reading M’s Dog, shades of Ross Thomas -hands down. If I didn’t know it was Perry, I would have surely thought RT - master of the spook novel- to have been the author.
Key characters— Dr. Henry Metzger is Chinese Gordon’s cat. We’ll get to Metzger’s Dog later. Gordon and 2 sidekicks, Kepler and Immelmann, are survivors (ex war dogs) now in LA and focused on scams and opportunities to enrich themselves. Gordon’s girl friend is Mary… highly intelligent and quite capable in keeping Gordon’s imaginative brave storms somewhat on track to succeed. On the other side, we have think tank czar Porterfield, a CIA operative, the CIA, director Blount and his Company cronies. Also, we have the LA, Mexican drug lord, Jorge Grijalvas. An unusual ally to Gordon, in the theft/repurchase of $1 million in cocaine seized previously in an FBI raid, and subsequent auction of captured intelligence documents taken by Gordon as collateral, in the drug heist. Got it?
Top Cat. “The cat, Doctor Henry Metzger, had assumed the loaf-of-bread position on Gordon’s blanket, his ears straight up like a pair of spoons to catch the sound and lock onto it. Doctor Henry Metzger sat up and licked his paw, then froze as he detected some variation in the sound that Chinese Gordon’s ears couldn’t hear.” — “You’re a psychotic moron!” Trembling with fury, he shook his overalls over the balcony. He spotted Doctor Henry Metzger sitting on the workbench along the wall of the shop where a patch of morning sunlight warmed the sheet metal surface. Chinese Gordon hurled the wet, reeking overalls — Chinese Gordon managed to propel the wad of denim halfway to the workbench. Doctor Henry Metzger raised his head to stare at Chinese Gordon for a moment,” “You’re purring, you son of a bitch!” Doctor Henry Metzger slowly stretched his body, then walked along the bench to the end, sprang to the windowsill, and stepped through the empty panel. — He couldn’t believe Doctor Henry Metzger could be so mean spirited. This was nothing less than revenge. Chines contemplated the meaning of Doctor Henry Metzger’s gesture. To a cat, a man’s overalls must seem like a cat’s fur, a neck-to-ankle cat suit. What depths of contempt... because you’re an animal. But that’s also your flaw, Doctor Henry Metzger. You don’t even know it’s Saturday, you shithead. I don’t wear overalls on Saturday. If it had been me, I’d have pissed on your blue jeans and shirts.” Doctor Henry Metzger finished defecating on the overalls lying on the shop floor and began his pantomime of burying the droppings by scratching the pant legs over the pile.”
Chinese Workshop. “Chinese Gordon was a master tool-and-die maker, a man who could make a thing like this in a matter of days, but he was making only one and it had to be right. — accustomed to precise measurements, to machining parts to such close tolerances that they seemed to have grown together. This job was different—the parts had to be fitted loosely so that when it was operated the rapid buildup of grime and residue didn’t cause it to freeze up— There was no question about it, he had reproduced it in every detail—a working M-39-A1 automatic aircraft cannon.”
Think Tanks. “John Knox Morrison was one of four senior executive officers of the federal government’s National Research Foundation, a speculation that it was possible to identify and isolate certain intangible ideas peculiar to a culture, assign them numerical values, and work out which ones cause people to behave irrationally.” — “Seyell Foundation had been converted, year by year, into one of the CIA’s client companies” —“The office had been perfectly reconstructed to look as it had when Theophilus “call me Ted” Seyell had sat at the desk to fire three hundred employees on New Year’s Day, 1932. -as though the shrine to the personality of Theophilus Seyell must remain inviolate or the immense fortune he’d amassed would no longer cling to the bank accounts that bore his potent name. Seyell had begun the Just Perfect Toy Company in 1904, making wooden cutout toys with a jigsaw at night after working as a bank teller all day J.P.T. Company began to grow. Through the early part of the century it flourished and diversified until the average person didn’t remember what J.P.T. stood for — employees continued to refer to it as “Just Plain Ted” —investigated after World War II for war profiteering, but by then Theophilus Seyell had died and the entity that had been J.P.T. was already undergoing its final transformation to the Seyell Foundation. -the philanthropic and scientific foundation that Seyell had described in his will. There were no stockholders to buy out, no relatives to consult: J.P.T. had always been Just Plain Ted.”
On the road ahead. “CHINESE GORDON SANG “Old Dan Tucker” as he drove the van along the Pearblossom Highway. -another favorite: “She lives on a cattle ranch,” he sang, “and she shits like an avalanche.” Kepler and Immelmann tolerated countless verses, but as they left Joshua Tree and moved toward Twentynine Palms, Immelmann began to glare at him, so Chinese Gordon switched to “Bongo, Bongo, Bongo, I Don’t Want to Leave the Congo.” - turning south again at Twentynine Palms into the Pinto Basin. -he neared Fried Liver Wash, where the Hexie Mountains jutted to the west and the country to the east stretched off into forbidding, empty flats that shimmered in the heat. -they reached the place Chinese Gordon had found weeks earlier. Two hundred yards up the wash there was the rusting abandoned hulk of a 1954 Ford F-100 pickup truck. —There was a roar that lasted almost 10 seconds. -he thought the van had blown up, but it was only the recoil of the automatic cannon kicking the van forward about ten feet… he hadn’t missed the target. The pickup truck had sat palpably and clearly in the crosshairs, then it had disappeared in fire and flying dirt. It looked as though the earth under it had exploded. Kepler was already running toward the place where the pickup truck had been. It was now just a charred and smoking hole with large pieces of twisted metal strewn about. “I guess it works,” “It sounded like an elephant fart,” said Immelmann. His eyes widened and he shook his head again. “Exactly. Not rat-tat-tat. More like Woooooow.” “A nasty weapon, Chinese. You’re not the sporting gentleman you once were—you’re a fucking mad scientist.”
Major Domo. “BENJAMIN PORTERFIELD SAT AT THE DESK -The names and titles the Company had invented over the years had brought him to worse places … He was the most appropriate agent in place who could credibly move into the presidency of a major research foundation. — When the word had come through that many of the Latin America projects must be made to disappear from government budgets, he’d been the obvious one to handle the transition. The Company had been preparing the Seyell Foundation for years — He’d always been a field man, beginning in Special Operations in the fifties and then moving into Domestic Ops in the seventies. Always it was an emergency, always he was to head the transition team. Having Langley’s support was like being encased in cement. In the old days the Company had been different. In 1953 he’d been given a suitcase full of currency, an airline ticket, and a list of telephone numbers to memorize. A year later his little army of mercenaries was in the Guatemala jungles. That had been another time, a different world.”
—“ calling about one of the projects Morrison has passed to you.” “Which one?” Professor Ian Donahue at ULA. The Director himself read the grant report and ordered the whole operation placed under the highest classification.”
Just a guy. “You’re getting to be a pain in the ass, always driving us around to—” he read from the newspaper, “‘a remote area east of the San Bernardino Mountains’ or some damn place like it was a scavenger hunt.” “Nothing remote today,” said Chinese Gordon. “Just over to East L.A. to see a guy.” “not a very nice guy, I guess, but a guy who can help us. His name is Jorge Grijalvas.” -Jorge Grijalvas isn’t in on our project at all. He’s going to be our ally. Jorge Grijalvas, for your information, is one of the biggest bastards in East L.A. sort of underboss of the Mexican Mafia.” Chinese-“I’m providing, as they say, for a Better Tomorrow. -One, he can launder huge amounts of money if we need it, because he is a dealer in brown heroin, the scourge of the poorest of the poor. Two, he can make us disappear whenever we want, if the price is right.”
Low rider. “A dark blue 1961 Chevrolet with an impossibly shiny metal-flake finish and chrome-spoke hubcaps pulled up beside them. It was built so low to the pavement that it threw sparks as it accelerated at the corner. — already more people of Mexican descent in Los Angeles than there are Anglos? In five years most of southern California will be Spanish. — getting into a growth stock on the ground floor. The world is one big commodities exchange and we’re taking a plunge”
Director call. “There was no greeting, only “Good. You’re here,” as though Blount were speaking to his feet. “What’s the problem?” asked Porterfield. The Director’s face took on a kind of dignity and repose- “ It’s a simple security problem if it’s handled tactfully... “The Donahue grants.” “Yes,” said Blount. “Those projects should never have been carried on the books of the National Research Foundation to begin with. “Donahue has a complicated mentality. -started out as a young man studying mass psychological reactions as historical phenomena. As his work became more theoretical it also became more speculative.” “Social alienation of particular subgroups, economic panics, political upheavals, mass hysteria—fear of earthquakes, floods, volcanoes, and so on. — he started working out systems… “this man actually has a grid, a kind of flow chart that he calls ‘The Terror Index.’ He’s on record as receiving NRF grant money to perfect it by developing a blueprint for the destruction of Mexico.” “If you’d like, we can stop him from doing his research at all.” “So heavy handed. I don’t want to destroy the man.” “Then what do you want?” “I want to protect the Company.” “I’m sending a man now. He should be in Los Angeles tomorrow to begin the security survey.” -If Morrison was here, it was a disaster. Morrison wasn’t someone who’d be called in to discuss strategies or solve problems. The fact that he appeared to be a fool was part of his protection as an operative; the fact that he was a genuine fool meant the disguise was impenetrable.”
Muso’s. “Dinner is on you at Musso and Frank’s. Seven-thirty.” Musso and Frank’s reminded him of railroads. — gave the impression that the whole long, narrow room was on its way to some destination, but there was an unmistakable feeling that when the passengers got there it would be another time, probably around 1925. Each day for the past sixty years the stoves got lit and the tables set and the waiters put on their red jackets and somebody unlocked the door. Exactly, as it had been, as it always would be, taking care to be ready for the next day, the next customer, paying no attention to what year it might be outside. Inside the door it was still 1925, and the lineal heirs, if not the original clients, were still ordering the big salad and the side of oysters, and one of the fat men at the booth across the aisle saying, “My lawyer can piss rings around his lawyer,” and another answered, “Yeah, but his accountant can make an elephant disappear up its own ass.”
Metzger’s dog, 200 lbs of junkyard dog. “Doctor Henry Metzger sauntered into the bedroom, rubbing his side against Margaret’s leg and then making a wide circuit along the wall. He passed behind the men and then sprang to the bed, padded across the sheets of paper and onto Margaret’s lap, where he walked in a tiny circle until his own tail brushed his face and he flopped down heavily. The dog’s big black muzzle appeared in the doorway. When he saw the gathering in the bedroom, his eyes seemed to flare with pleasure and his jaw hung open to let his tongue dangle out between the terrible white teeth. His breaths came in gruff, excited gasps, “Heh. Heh. Heh.” He seemed unconscious of his tail slapping the door as it wagged. The dog walked up to Margaret and pushed his face close to Doctor Henry Metzger, who was now engaged in licking one of his paws. He placed the other on the dog’s nose. The dog placed its forepaws across Chinese Gordon’s legs and pushed off the ground. “Oh, God,” Chinese Gordon said, and the dog gave a strange low growl as it pushed its nose close to Chinese Gordon’s throat. He wants to sit on your lap, just like Doctor Henry Metzger.” Sadly she added, “He’s just too big.” The dog gave another long, low growl. This time it seemed to start somewhere deep in his massive chest and move upward to his throat. “She’s right, Chinese. He’s trying to purr.”
Classified info for sale in the Classifieds. “Announcement of auction. The private papers of the late Professor Ian Donahue will be sold to the highest bidder on or about the first of May. Confidential bids will be accepted from qualified purchasers.” -your bid will be placed in the Los Angeles Time— “get in touch with Deputy Director Pines at Langley and tell him to have Management and Services start working out what our bid is going to be.” -Porterfield sighed, but Pines was smiling. “We’ll do what we’ve done for the past thirty years—outmaneuver them.” -The Director favors the idea of hostages, perhaps three of them. There is a Soviet trade delegation at a computer show in San Francisco. Several of the people who have been issued visas are of sufficient importance. — Porterfield said, “You’ve checked this out with the Eastern Europe desk?” “I told you, our response must be delicately tuned to be precisely appropriate to the stimulus.”
American past time. “The sunlight now beat into the bowl of Dodger Stadium, heating the seats and the concrete steps so that food and drinks spilled months ago cooked and released a perfumy essence into the air.” — “Jorge Grijalvas stared about him at the stadium. His box had been chosen because it gave him what he called the whole view. At a glance he could see the entire infield as a unit. He liked the crack of the bat and then the whole infield moving at once in the smooth, precise, and efficient. — Baseball was different. Here was ritual, the nobility of a single small man in a white uniform on a field of dust pitting his cunning and his reflexes against nine in a contest of concentration and will before an immense gathering of people, a colorful, variegated blur of humanity ranged from the dugout to the heavens, all breathing in unison, all gasping as he swung the blond bat. — He was a happy man. He was a man of substance, a padrón, a man who could spend the afternoon in Dodger Stadium surrounded by his friends. They were more than friends. They were fidelios, the faithful. — Grijalvas didn’t like hot dogs, but he found himself fiddling with the aluminum foil. It was so much bigger and heavier than he’d expected. When he saw the piece of paper on top he said to Juan, “Excuse me,” and walked down the steps to the men’s room. “Jorge, I need a favor. The rest of this hot dog is seventy-five hundred dollars, so don’t eat it. What I need is the use of your Mexican connections….” — On the far side of the stadium, Margaret climbed the steps and sat down next to Chinese Gordon. “How did it go?” he asked, peering through a pair of binoculars. “He got it.” “Yeah, I saw that.” He lowered the binoculars and frowned at her. “Did you save me a hot dog?”
Company Director. “The plane arrives at four-fifteen San Francisco time.” “Plane?” said Porterfield. “This isn’t that idiotic thing about the Russians, is it?” Pines smirked, but the Director chuckled. “I don’t mind a difference of opinion on strategies. I know that even if we disagree on this one, you’ll all settle down and make it work.” “The team is already in place, the arrangements are made.” “Fine,” Porterfield said, pushing his chair away from the table. “Then you won’t need us.” “If they don’t do anything, we won’t do anything. After a decent interval both sides will have replaced the people who are known, and everything will be back to normal.” The Director waited. Goldschmidt snapped. “Let me say it. The plan is stupid. Its only redeeming aspect is that it is unlikely the Russians will be able to understand the deranged message you’re sending them. -“Glad to see you’ve found something else for Molnar to do.” The Director said quietly, “It’s not fair to mark a man for life just for one bad idea. He’s been very helpful on this one.” “Excuse me,” said Kearns. “One moment.” The Director held his hand up majestically. “What I want is a little brainstorming.” “Kearns, what is it?” “There’s new information. This article appeared in the Vox Populi of Ixtapa, Mexico, this morning - The Ministry of Education released the following figures today. There are over fifteen million students enrolled in the nation’s primary and secondary schools while the number of students is expected to continue to grow, the number of qualified teachers has grown much faster during the past five years. There are now 619,352 full-time licensed teachers. -the report definitely came from somewhere in the Ministry of Education but was released as an exclusive to the Vox Populi.” “I’m not sure I’m following all of this,” the Director said. “Can somebody please sort it out?”
Read it and see how it and the Director are sorted out…
In the intro, Carl Hiassen writes: “precious few make us laugh out loud. Elmore Leonard can do it in his sleep. So can Donald Westlake and Lawrence Block. Perry has been blessed with the same gift. Other novelists would kill for lines he tosses away like cigarette butts.” Upon reading that, immediately made a note that RossThomas, Charles Willeford, and strangely JimThompson, also come to this reader’s mind. After reading M’s Dog, shades of Ross Thomas -hands down. If I didn’t know it was Perry, I would have surely thought RT - master of the spook novel- to have been the author.
Key characters— Dr. Henry Metzger is Chinese Gordon’s cat. We’ll get to Metzger’s Dog later. Gordon and 2 sidekicks, Kepler and Immelmann, are survivors (ex war dogs) now in LA and focused on scams and opportunities to enrich themselves. Gordon’s girl friend is Mary… highly intelligent and quite capable in keeping Gordon’s imaginative brave storms somewhat on track to succeed. On the other side, we have think tank czar Porterfield, a CIA operative, the CIA, director Blount and his Company cronies. Also, we have the LA, Mexican drug lord, Jorge Grijalvas. An unusual ally to Gordon, in the theft/repurchase of $1 million in cocaine seized previously in an FBI raid, and subsequent auction of captured intelligence documents taken by Gordon as collateral, in the drug heist. Got it?
Top Cat. “The cat, Doctor Henry Metzger, had assumed the loaf-of-bread position on Gordon’s blanket, his ears straight up like a pair of spoons to catch the sound and lock onto it. Doctor Henry Metzger sat up and licked his paw, then froze as he detected some variation in the sound that Chinese Gordon’s ears couldn’t hear.” — “You’re a psychotic moron!” Trembling with fury, he shook his overalls over the balcony. He spotted Doctor Henry Metzger sitting on the workbench along the wall of the shop where a patch of morning sunlight warmed the sheet metal surface. Chinese Gordon hurled the wet, reeking overalls — Chinese Gordon managed to propel the wad of denim halfway to the workbench. Doctor Henry Metzger raised his head to stare at Chinese Gordon for a moment,” “You’re purring, you son of a bitch!” Doctor Henry Metzger slowly stretched his body, then walked along the bench to the end, sprang to the windowsill, and stepped through the empty panel. — He couldn’t believe Doctor Henry Metzger could be so mean spirited. This was nothing less than revenge. Chines contemplated the meaning of Doctor Henry Metzger’s gesture. To a cat, a man’s overalls must seem like a cat’s fur, a neck-to-ankle cat suit. What depths of contempt... because you’re an animal. But that’s also your flaw, Doctor Henry Metzger. You don’t even know it’s Saturday, you shithead. I don’t wear overalls on Saturday. If it had been me, I’d have pissed on your blue jeans and shirts.” Doctor Henry Metzger finished defecating on the overalls lying on the shop floor and began his pantomime of burying the droppings by scratching the pant legs over the pile.”
Chinese Workshop. “Chinese Gordon was a master tool-and-die maker, a man who could make a thing like this in a matter of days, but he was making only one and it had to be right. — accustomed to precise measurements, to machining parts to such close tolerances that they seemed to have grown together. This job was different—the parts had to be fitted loosely so that when it was operated the rapid buildup of grime and residue didn’t cause it to freeze up— There was no question about it, he had reproduced it in every detail—a working M-39-A1 automatic aircraft cannon.”
Think Tanks. “John Knox Morrison was one of four senior executive officers of the federal government’s National Research Foundation, a speculation that it was possible to identify and isolate certain intangible ideas peculiar to a culture, assign them numerical values, and work out which ones cause people to behave irrationally.” — “Seyell Foundation had been converted, year by year, into one of the CIA’s client companies” —“The office had been perfectly reconstructed to look as it had when Theophilus “call me Ted” Seyell had sat at the desk to fire three hundred employees on New Year’s Day, 1932. -as though the shrine to the personality of Theophilus Seyell must remain inviolate or the immense fortune he’d amassed would no longer cling to the bank accounts that bore his potent name. Seyell had begun the Just Perfect Toy Company in 1904, making wooden cutout toys with a jigsaw at night after working as a bank teller all day J.P.T. Company began to grow. Through the early part of the century it flourished and diversified until the average person didn’t remember what J.P.T. stood for — employees continued to refer to it as “Just Plain Ted” —investigated after World War II for war profiteering, but by then Theophilus Seyell had died and the entity that had been J.P.T. was already undergoing its final transformation to the Seyell Foundation. -the philanthropic and scientific foundation that Seyell had described in his will. There were no stockholders to buy out, no relatives to consult: J.P.T. had always been Just Plain Ted.”
On the road ahead. “CHINESE GORDON SANG “Old Dan Tucker” as he drove the van along the Pearblossom Highway. -another favorite: “She lives on a cattle ranch,” he sang, “and she shits like an avalanche.” Kepler and Immelmann tolerated countless verses, but as they left Joshua Tree and moved toward Twentynine Palms, Immelmann began to glare at him, so Chinese Gordon switched to “Bongo, Bongo, Bongo, I Don’t Want to Leave the Congo.” - turning south again at Twentynine Palms into the Pinto Basin. -he neared Fried Liver Wash, where the Hexie Mountains jutted to the west and the country to the east stretched off into forbidding, empty flats that shimmered in the heat. -they reached the place Chinese Gordon had found weeks earlier. Two hundred yards up the wash there was the rusting abandoned hulk of a 1954 Ford F-100 pickup truck. —There was a roar that lasted almost 10 seconds. -he thought the van had blown up, but it was only the recoil of the automatic cannon kicking the van forward about ten feet… he hadn’t missed the target. The pickup truck had sat palpably and clearly in the crosshairs, then it had disappeared in fire and flying dirt. It looked as though the earth under it had exploded. Kepler was already running toward the place where the pickup truck had been. It was now just a charred and smoking hole with large pieces of twisted metal strewn about. “I guess it works,” “It sounded like an elephant fart,” said Immelmann. His eyes widened and he shook his head again. “Exactly. Not rat-tat-tat. More like Woooooow.” “A nasty weapon, Chinese. You’re not the sporting gentleman you once were—you’re a fucking mad scientist.”
Major Domo. “BENJAMIN PORTERFIELD SAT AT THE DESK -The names and titles the Company had invented over the years had brought him to worse places … He was the most appropriate agent in place who could credibly move into the presidency of a major research foundation. — When the word had come through that many of the Latin America projects must be made to disappear from government budgets, he’d been the obvious one to handle the transition. The Company had been preparing the Seyell Foundation for years — He’d always been a field man, beginning in Special Operations in the fifties and then moving into Domestic Ops in the seventies. Always it was an emergency, always he was to head the transition team. Having Langley’s support was like being encased in cement. In the old days the Company had been different. In 1953 he’d been given a suitcase full of currency, an airline ticket, and a list of telephone numbers to memorize. A year later his little army of mercenaries was in the Guatemala jungles. That had been another time, a different world.”
—“ calling about one of the projects Morrison has passed to you.” “Which one?” Professor Ian Donahue at ULA. The Director himself read the grant report and ordered the whole operation placed under the highest classification.”
Just a guy. “You’re getting to be a pain in the ass, always driving us around to—” he read from the newspaper, “‘a remote area east of the San Bernardino Mountains’ or some damn place like it was a scavenger hunt.” “Nothing remote today,” said Chinese Gordon. “Just over to East L.A. to see a guy.” “not a very nice guy, I guess, but a guy who can help us. His name is Jorge Grijalvas.” -Jorge Grijalvas isn’t in on our project at all. He’s going to be our ally. Jorge Grijalvas, for your information, is one of the biggest bastards in East L.A. sort of underboss of the Mexican Mafia.” Chinese-“I’m providing, as they say, for a Better Tomorrow. -One, he can launder huge amounts of money if we need it, because he is a dealer in brown heroin, the scourge of the poorest of the poor. Two, he can make us disappear whenever we want, if the price is right.”
Low rider. “A dark blue 1961 Chevrolet with an impossibly shiny metal-flake finish and chrome-spoke hubcaps pulled up beside them. It was built so low to the pavement that it threw sparks as it accelerated at the corner. — already more people of Mexican descent in Los Angeles than there are Anglos? In five years most of southern California will be Spanish. — getting into a growth stock on the ground floor. The world is one big commodities exchange and we’re taking a plunge”
Director call. “There was no greeting, only “Good. You’re here,” as though Blount were speaking to his feet. “What’s the problem?” asked Porterfield. The Director’s face took on a kind of dignity and repose- “ It’s a simple security problem if it’s handled tactfully... “The Donahue grants.” “Yes,” said Blount. “Those projects should never have been carried on the books of the National Research Foundation to begin with. “Donahue has a complicated mentality. -started out as a young man studying mass psychological reactions as historical phenomena. As his work became more theoretical it also became more speculative.” “Social alienation of particular subgroups, economic panics, political upheavals, mass hysteria—fear of earthquakes, floods, volcanoes, and so on. — he started working out systems… “this man actually has a grid, a kind of flow chart that he calls ‘The Terror Index.’ He’s on record as receiving NRF grant money to perfect it by developing a blueprint for the destruction of Mexico.” “If you’d like, we can stop him from doing his research at all.” “So heavy handed. I don’t want to destroy the man.” “Then what do you want?” “I want to protect the Company.” “I’m sending a man now. He should be in Los Angeles tomorrow to begin the security survey.” -If Morrison was here, it was a disaster. Morrison wasn’t someone who’d be called in to discuss strategies or solve problems. The fact that he appeared to be a fool was part of his protection as an operative; the fact that he was a genuine fool meant the disguise was impenetrable.”
Muso’s. “Dinner is on you at Musso and Frank’s. Seven-thirty.” Musso and Frank’s reminded him of railroads. — gave the impression that the whole long, narrow room was on its way to some destination, but there was an unmistakable feeling that when the passengers got there it would be another time, probably around 1925. Each day for the past sixty years the stoves got lit and the tables set and the waiters put on their red jackets and somebody unlocked the door. Exactly, as it had been, as it always would be, taking care to be ready for the next day, the next customer, paying no attention to what year it might be outside. Inside the door it was still 1925, and the lineal heirs, if not the original clients, were still ordering the big salad and the side of oysters, and one of the fat men at the booth across the aisle saying, “My lawyer can piss rings around his lawyer,” and another answered, “Yeah, but his accountant can make an elephant disappear up its own ass.”
Metzger’s dog, 200 lbs of junkyard dog. “Doctor Henry Metzger sauntered into the bedroom, rubbing his side against Margaret’s leg and then making a wide circuit along the wall. He passed behind the men and then sprang to the bed, padded across the sheets of paper and onto Margaret’s lap, where he walked in a tiny circle until his own tail brushed his face and he flopped down heavily. The dog’s big black muzzle appeared in the doorway. When he saw the gathering in the bedroom, his eyes seemed to flare with pleasure and his jaw hung open to let his tongue dangle out between the terrible white teeth. His breaths came in gruff, excited gasps, “Heh. Heh. Heh.” He seemed unconscious of his tail slapping the door as it wagged. The dog walked up to Margaret and pushed his face close to Doctor Henry Metzger, who was now engaged in licking one of his paws. He placed the other on the dog’s nose. The dog placed its forepaws across Chinese Gordon’s legs and pushed off the ground. “Oh, God,” Chinese Gordon said, and the dog gave a strange low growl as it pushed its nose close to Chinese Gordon’s throat. He wants to sit on your lap, just like Doctor Henry Metzger.” Sadly she added, “He’s just too big.” The dog gave another long, low growl. This time it seemed to start somewhere deep in his massive chest and move upward to his throat. “She’s right, Chinese. He’s trying to purr.”
Classified info for sale in the Classifieds. “Announcement of auction. The private papers of the late Professor Ian Donahue will be sold to the highest bidder on or about the first of May. Confidential bids will be accepted from qualified purchasers.” -your bid will be placed in the Los Angeles Time— “get in touch with Deputy Director Pines at Langley and tell him to have Management and Services start working out what our bid is going to be.” -Porterfield sighed, but Pines was smiling. “We’ll do what we’ve done for the past thirty years—outmaneuver them.” -The Director favors the idea of hostages, perhaps three of them. There is a Soviet trade delegation at a computer show in San Francisco. Several of the people who have been issued visas are of sufficient importance. — Porterfield said, “You’ve checked this out with the Eastern Europe desk?” “I told you, our response must be delicately tuned to be precisely appropriate to the stimulus.”
American past time. “The sunlight now beat into the bowl of Dodger Stadium, heating the seats and the concrete steps so that food and drinks spilled months ago cooked and released a perfumy essence into the air.” — “Jorge Grijalvas stared about him at the stadium. His box had been chosen because it gave him what he called the whole view. At a glance he could see the entire infield as a unit. He liked the crack of the bat and then the whole infield moving at once in the smooth, precise, and efficient. — Baseball was different. Here was ritual, the nobility of a single small man in a white uniform on a field of dust pitting his cunning and his reflexes against nine in a contest of concentration and will before an immense gathering of people, a colorful, variegated blur of humanity ranged from the dugout to the heavens, all breathing in unison, all gasping as he swung the blond bat. — He was a happy man. He was a man of substance, a padrón, a man who could spend the afternoon in Dodger Stadium surrounded by his friends. They were more than friends. They were fidelios, the faithful. — Grijalvas didn’t like hot dogs, but he found himself fiddling with the aluminum foil. It was so much bigger and heavier than he’d expected. When he saw the piece of paper on top he said to Juan, “Excuse me,” and walked down the steps to the men’s room. “Jorge, I need a favor. The rest of this hot dog is seventy-five hundred dollars, so don’t eat it. What I need is the use of your Mexican connections….” — On the far side of the stadium, Margaret climbed the steps and sat down next to Chinese Gordon. “How did it go?” he asked, peering through a pair of binoculars. “He got it.” “Yeah, I saw that.” He lowered the binoculars and frowned at her. “Did you save me a hot dog?”
Company Director. “The plane arrives at four-fifteen San Francisco time.” “Plane?” said Porterfield. “This isn’t that idiotic thing about the Russians, is it?” Pines smirked, but the Director chuckled. “I don’t mind a difference of opinion on strategies. I know that even if we disagree on this one, you’ll all settle down and make it work.” “The team is already in place, the arrangements are made.” “Fine,” Porterfield said, pushing his chair away from the table. “Then you won’t need us.” “If they don’t do anything, we won’t do anything. After a decent interval both sides will have replaced the people who are known, and everything will be back to normal.” The Director waited. Goldschmidt snapped. “Let me say it. The plan is stupid. Its only redeeming aspect is that it is unlikely the Russians will be able to understand the deranged message you’re sending them. -“Glad to see you’ve found something else for Molnar to do.” The Director said quietly, “It’s not fair to mark a man for life just for one bad idea. He’s been very helpful on this one.” “Excuse me,” said Kearns. “One moment.” The Director held his hand up majestically. “What I want is a little brainstorming.” “Kearns, what is it?” “There’s new information. This article appeared in the Vox Populi of Ixtapa, Mexico, this morning - The Ministry of Education released the following figures today. There are over fifteen million students enrolled in the nation’s primary and secondary schools while the number of students is expected to continue to grow, the number of qualified teachers has grown much faster during the past five years. There are now 619,352 full-time licensed teachers. -the report definitely came from somewhere in the Ministry of Education but was released as an exclusive to the Vox Populi.” “I’m not sure I’m following all of this,” the Director said. “Can somebody please sort it out?”
Read it and see how it and the Director are sorted out…
April 29, 2018
RATING: 3.5
WHY: Chinese Gordon, expert tool and die maker, has developed a formidable rocket launcher that he plans to use during a bank theft. He foresees a need to launder money and ends up having to steal some cocaine to make that work. At the same time, he takes a research document that proves far more valuable than the drugs. It documents how to start a "psywar" to disrupt Latin America. His genius girlfriend, Margaret, comes up with a plan to blackmail the CIA. They are aided by his 2 ex-con friends. The book is really a caper adventure, with things going terribly awry, followed by new plans and more chaos. Enjoyable but I didn't totally understand the whole psywar thread. Interesting characters, including a quixotic cat named Doctor Henry Metzger.
WHY: Chinese Gordon, expert tool and die maker, has developed a formidable rocket launcher that he plans to use during a bank theft. He foresees a need to launder money and ends up having to steal some cocaine to make that work. At the same time, he takes a research document that proves far more valuable than the drugs. It documents how to start a "psywar" to disrupt Latin America. His genius girlfriend, Margaret, comes up with a plan to blackmail the CIA. They are aided by his 2 ex-con friends. The book is really a caper adventure, with things going terribly awry, followed by new plans and more chaos. Enjoyable but I didn't totally understand the whole psywar thread. Interesting characters, including a quixotic cat named Doctor Henry Metzger.
May 17, 2022
What a thrill to reread this classic from almost 40 years ago. Metzger's Dog and The Butcher's Boy started me on a long companionship with Perry's books. Last year, after reading the latest in the Butcher's boy series, I reread the first three. Dog has the most hilarious crime scenes I've ever read. And all the people are serious, dead serious! And crazy, canny, diabolical, and insanely stupid at times. The cast of characters is extraordinary, fronted by Chinese Gordon. And who could ever forget Porterfield (the government man) and the guy who finally give a name to the beast that Dr. Henry Metzger tames. An outstanding debut of an author who has given us all reasons to visit bookstores and libraries.
February 20, 2023
Where have I been to have missed this early work by Thomas Perry? Very late to the party but very glad I found a copy and its wonderfulness. Quirky characters with the most interesting monikers just add to the fun of this caper. Laugh out loud funny. Enjoy.
February 20, 2022
I was drawn to read it because there is a dog as a co-star - but, not what I was expecting. I understand that sense of humor is different for each of us - this one didn't much trigger mine. It did remind me of various 'jokes' my spouse would tell me which he found hysterical while I was left with a "...and then?" Ended up skimming it - then putting it in the pile to be donated, sure that someone could be more thrilled with it than I (which wouldn't be hard).
April 25, 2016
Chinese Gordon was fully awake. He'd heard the clinking noise again, and now there was no question the cat was listening, too. The cat, Doctor Henry Metzger, had assumed the loaf-of-bread position on Gordon's blanket, his ears straight up like a pair of spoons to catch the sound and lock onto it. Doctor Henry Metzger sat up and licked his paw, then froze as he detected some variation in the sound that Chinese Gordon's ears couldn't hear.
"What is it?" whispered Chinese Gordon. "Somebody trying to break in, isn't it?"
Doctor Henry Metzger turned from the sound, walked up Chinese Gordon's chest, and stepped on his forehead on the way to the spare pillow. He'd identified it as a human sound, which placed it outside Doctor Henry Metzger's sphere of interest.
So begins a mad dash through a world populated by Good Guys and Bad Guys, in the guise of CIA guys, former soldiers of fortune looking for adventure, drug dealers, and the occasional mad scientist. Oh. And a cat named Doctor Henry Metzger, and his dog, a massive former junk-yard dog rescued as part of a detour through a junk yard while evading the LAPD and possibly the CIA. Figuring out who goes into which column can leave you feeling decided dizzy and a bit off kilter.
Metzger's Dog is a thriller - and so much more. The fast pace, twisted plotting, and clever writing put this book high on my ranking of favorite books I've read this year.
Once again Chinese Gordon had succeeded where others hadn't even been crazy enough to try.Back when he was a pilot in Viet Nam, Chinese Gordon's helicopter was shot down. He climbed out of the wreckage declaring "What a break! Now we know where the bastards were hiding." Chinese Gordon has a certain, um, joie de vivre that propels him from one situation to the next.
The dialogue is brilliant...
"... Being with you two has been something of a religious experience for me."
"Oh?" said Kepler.
"It proves that God, in His bounty and generosity, always creates more horses' asses than there are horses to attach them to."
"Amen," said Kepler, popping open a beer can.
The settings sublime...
Chinese Gordon pulled the car into the shadowy alley and stopped it beside a 1968 Chevrolet painted mainly in gray primer dappled with red rustproofing.
The characters so finely drawn you feel as though you've met them, maybe even see them on a daily basis...
The fact that he appeared to be a fool was part of his protection as an operative; the fact that he was a genuine fool meant the disguise was impenetrable.
I'm pretty sure I worked with this guy once.
I checked out this copy from my local library, but this is a book I'll want to buy so I can read it again. Once is definitely not enough.
September 7, 2022
As I was recounting this book to my son after having finished it, it occurred to me that I actually enjoyed it more than I'd realized. However, it was still a bit of a miss for me, having been a Thomas Perry fan for some time.
The plot, quirky as it is, requires a fair suspension of disbelief, which is fine since this story seems to be more about odd and humorous circumstances than it does about anything else. Beginning with the protagonist's name (Chinese Gordon, aka Leroy Gordon) and his inadvertent theft of some research papers from a University of Los Angeles professor, from whom he'd originally sought to steal a supply of pharmaceutical cocaine. Seems as though the research had been sponsored by the CIA and outlined some psy-ops concepts, along with a blueprint for completely disrupting the daily functioning of a major city. All of which would be plenty embarrassing for the CIA should the papers become public.
Chinese hadn't planned anything more than to steal and resell the coke, but being the clever and entrepreneurial type, he schemes to ransom the papers back to the CIA, for a reasonable sum, of course.
Well, the CIA, led by some incompetent bureaucratic types, figure on double crossing and capturing whomever is ransoming the documents. How do they even know for sure, that the bad actors have the research? After Los Angeles is brought to a catastrophic halt soon thereafter, the advice of veteran agent Ben Porterfield, is to simply pay them off and secure the papers-- quietly and with no fuss. Of course, the agency's director thinks he must set an example and punish the perps, so insists on setting a trap to catch Chinese and his gang during the transfer. Predictably, things go badly awry, not once, but twice. Ignored despite possessing greater street smarts and experience, Porterfield will take matters into his own hands.
Along the way, we meet a cast of colorful characters reminiscent of those found in a Donald Westlake novel, including the alluring girlfriend (who would marry Chinese "if she could find even a shred of evidence that he's not criminally insane"), a spiteful cat named Dr. Henry Metzger, and a stolen, gigantic, and vicious junkyard dog that is somehow tamed by the cat, just to name a few. Perry has done a pretty fair job of mixing violence, complex crosses and double crosses, with pure silliness. Others have done this even better, but this effort is notable nevertheless. For this reader, Perry's main strengths lie in his more serious novels (Butcher's Boy series, The Old Man, The Bombmaker, The Boyfriend), but this was still a fun read. 3.5 stars.
The plot, quirky as it is, requires a fair suspension of disbelief, which is fine since this story seems to be more about odd and humorous circumstances than it does about anything else. Beginning with the protagonist's name (Chinese Gordon, aka Leroy Gordon) and his inadvertent theft of some research papers from a University of Los Angeles professor, from whom he'd originally sought to steal a supply of pharmaceutical cocaine. Seems as though the research had been sponsored by the CIA and outlined some psy-ops concepts, along with a blueprint for completely disrupting the daily functioning of a major city. All of which would be plenty embarrassing for the CIA should the papers become public.
Chinese hadn't planned anything more than to steal and resell the coke, but being the clever and entrepreneurial type, he schemes to ransom the papers back to the CIA, for a reasonable sum, of course.
Well, the CIA, led by some incompetent bureaucratic types, figure on double crossing and capturing whomever is ransoming the documents. How do they even know for sure, that the bad actors have the research? After Los Angeles is brought to a catastrophic halt soon thereafter, the advice of veteran agent Ben Porterfield, is to simply pay them off and secure the papers-- quietly and with no fuss. Of course, the agency's director thinks he must set an example and punish the perps, so insists on setting a trap to catch Chinese and his gang during the transfer. Predictably, things go badly awry, not once, but twice. Ignored despite possessing greater street smarts and experience, Porterfield will take matters into his own hands.
Along the way, we meet a cast of colorful characters reminiscent of those found in a Donald Westlake novel, including the alluring girlfriend (who would marry Chinese "if she could find even a shred of evidence that he's not criminally insane"), a spiteful cat named Dr. Henry Metzger, and a stolen, gigantic, and vicious junkyard dog that is somehow tamed by the cat, just to name a few. Perry has done a pretty fair job of mixing violence, complex crosses and double crosses, with pure silliness. Others have done this even better, but this effort is notable nevertheless. For this reader, Perry's main strengths lie in his more serious novels (Butcher's Boy series, The Old Man, The Bombmaker, The Boyfriend), but this was still a fun read. 3.5 stars.
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