WELL. How I wish I'd had the foresight, at a much younger and more capable age, to consult some kind of career counselor! If only, if ONLY someone back then had the wisdom and charity to inform me of the existence of something called "constitutional law," and advised me to study hard, behave myself, keep my mouth shut, make influential friends, and avoid leaving a drunken trail of scribbled opinions about all my personal and political views as I careened helter-skelter along a haphazard career path towards obsolete drudgery. Recently, while shriveling away into a thoroughly burnt-out, cynical social worker who's abandoned all her dreams and ideals, I've spent many an hour asking myself what else on God's earth I would possibly want to do for a living. And friends, I've been totally unable to answer that question.... until now!
Yes, being on the Supreme Court would totally RULE. Unfortunately, it does seem to take a little more planning and discipline than I've ever demonstrated.... planning and discipline, or some very special friends/bizarre views/unlikely series of events possibly dictated by an unusual positioning of stars and planets. But thanks to Mr. Jeffrey Toobin, I and other poor shmoes who'll never wear the magical robe can now peek behind the velvet curtain in much the same way that we frustrated and unattractive non-celebrities can relish in the "Stars! They're just like us!" portion of Us magazine.
Except it turns out that Supreme Court justices, unlike stars, are not just like us. The Supreme Court seems to be mostly made of (a) bizarrely perfect, overachieving individuals who cannot possibly be real and (b) freaky weirdos. The fun thing about this book is learning which of the justices belong in which category -- and no, it has nothing to do with liberal and conservative ideology. Reading The Nine will allow you to hold vaguely informed judgments about the justices, sort of like how you have about various actors, which is kind of fun. I myself spend a lot of time in Manhattan criminal court, and I have lots of my own little opinions about the judges there. When I see my favorites walking out by the Chinatown park at lunchtime in normal non-judge clothes, I feel alarmed and excited, like I've seen a secret side of these eccentric sorcerers! This book is a bit like that, only with United States Supreme Court justices (for the record, I'd rather eat nuclear waste than be a criminal court judge, which to me seems like the worst job in the world; this may be part of why it took me so long to realize my own Supreme Court vocation). Anyway, that exciting sense of familiarity seems to be what The Nine is going for. This book will, for instance, probably make you adore Antonin Scalia, who is a surprisingly cuddly and endearing originalist grump! This book will not, on the other hand, make you adore Clarence Thomas, who is an even freakier weirdo than you probably already imagine (Actually, who knows, maybe you would decide that you like him. Apparently he's the friendliest justice on the court, and is an avid Nascar and RV enthusiast, so if you're into that stuff you and Justice Thomas would probably hit it off.)
I enjoyed this book, even though it wasn't nearly as trashy as its gold-encrusted John Grishamy cover and sensationalistic title suggest. For instance, is David Souter secretly gay? I have no idea! This book doesn't speculate at all about sleazy, irrelevant stuff like that. Unfortunately, this book also didn't speculate much about why O'Connor chose to resign when she did to take care of her ailing husband, which kind of bummed me out because that was sort of what I read this hoping to learn. To be fair, the answer to that question may be so complex and inaccessible that one day another, possibly longer book will be written on what will always be, for me, the most surprising and troubling decision of her career. Still, with the amount of time Toobin spent focusing on O'Connor's importance and character, this dramatic moment did feel a bit anticlimactic and glossed over here.
Anyway, I wanted to write some fabulous, thoughtful review that really returned to the text and interpreted this document for you, but it's late and I'm lazy.... maybe it's ultimately for the best that I'm not on the bench! As Breyer (the most boring justice) puts it, "All we do is read and write. I used to tell my son if you're really good at doing homework, you get to do homework for the rest of your life." That sounds terrible! Being on the Supreme Court is a whole lotta work. Far easier just to read this book instead, and craft your own armchair decisions and dissents from your luxurious sofa.
Honestly, to me this book was more a three-and-a-half starrer than an legitimate four, and it did feel more like a magazine article than an actual book. If you really want an in-depth, organized study of the Supreme Court, you could probably find something more rigorous. If, however, you are dumb like me and know very little about this madcap band of Constitution-toting partisans, you will enjoy this spirited romp through the halls of justice!
In closing, some thoughts:
* Boy, Toobin really cannot stand Kennedy, whom he paints as a narcissistic, pretentious attention-whore blowhard. Ouch!
* I love Ruth Bader Ginsburg so much, and I wish she was my grandma! I mean that with all due respect to my grandmas; Ginsburg wouldn't be a replacement, she'd just be an extra one. Ginsburg's dissent in Gonzales v. Carhart nearly moved me to tears at the time. I wish she'd been around to write stupid Roe v. Wade instead of that zany Justice Blackmun. Her take makes so much more sense! But I guess these things just don't work that way....
* My preceding point probably brings up the question for my more right-wing Booksters (yes, you know who you are!): is this the Supreme Court book for you? The short answer is "no." Toobin is clearly a bleeding heart liberal and cares not who knows it. So to me, his analysis on the whole did seem pretty fair, because I agree with most of his views. If you're a huge fan of the current five Catholic Supreme Court justices, there's probably a book out there more to your liking. That said, reading this book will probably put you in a pretty good mood, because after much trial and adversity, your guys do win at the end!
* Justice Thomas is a total freaky weirdo (I know I already said that, but it bears repeating).
* It makes me so sad that Justice Stevens is so friggin' OLD! He's so DEAR! Actually, all my favorite justices are super old. How horrible. I can't even think about it. Please let's move on.
* Alito is still the most unlovable on the whole team. He's not even a freaky weirdo, he's just no fun at all. Borrrring!
* Someone else on here repeated this, but in case you missed it, one of the greatest pieces of Supreme Court trivia in here is that Ginsburg and Scalia's families spend New Years together every year. There's actually a lot of nice stuff in here like that, things you wouldn't expect about how these people interact with their coworkers that is pretty surprising. In this narrative, a lot of that sense of camaraderie seems to have evaporated since the Bush v. Gore fiasco and Rehnquist's death. I don't know if that's true; as noted, unfortunately I'm not on the court, and have to take old Jeffrey Toobin's word for it.
Sigh.