The Meaning of Matthew: My Son's Murder in Laramie, and a World Transformed

by Judy Shepard

“The Meaning of Matthew is Judy Shepard’s passionate and courageous attempt to understand what no mother should have to understand, which is why her son was murdered in Laramie, Wyoming, in the fall of 1998. It is a vivid testimony to a life cut short, and testimony too, to the bravery and compassion of Judy and Dennis—Matthew’s parents—as they struggle to survive a grief that won’t go away.”—Larry McMurty, author of Terms of Endearment and Lonesome Dove Today the name Matthew Shepard is synonymous with gay rights, but until 1998, he was just Judy Shepard’s son. In this remarkably candid memoir, Judy Shepard shares the story behind the headlines. Interweaving memories of Matthew and her family with the challenges of confronting her son’s death, Judy describes how she handled the crippling loss of her child in the public eye, the vigils and protests held by strangers in her son’s name, and ultimately how she and her husband gained the courage to help prosecutors convict her son's murderers. The Meaning of Matthew is more than a retelling of horrific injustice that brought the reality of inequality and homophobia into the American consciousness. It is an unforgettable and inspiring account of how one ordinary woman turned an unthinkable tragedy into a vital message for the world.

Genres: Nonfiction, True Crime, LGBT, Biography, Memoir, History, Biography Memoir

168 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2000

About the author

Judy Shepard (née Peck; born 1952) is the mother of Matthew Shepard, a 21-year-old student at University of Wyoming who was murdered in October 1998 in what became one of the most high-profiled cases highlighting hate-crimes against LGBT people. She and her husband, Dennis, are co-founders of the Matthew Shepard Foundation, and advocates for LGBT rights.

Source: Wikipedia.

Reviews

[Whitney La Rocca · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am so glad Judy wrote this book! I have known Matt my entire life, basically growing up with him from the age of 1-15. I considered myself such a close friend of his, but lost touch when he moved away in high school. I never even knew he had come back to Wyoming until I saw the news on that awful day in October, 1998. 12 years later, I am still having difficulty with accepting what happened to him, recovering from the shock and horror and anger, but more so feeling guilty for not staying in touch with him and his family. This book helped me heal in some way......the stories of when we were young, Judy told just as I remember them. I always knew Matt would turn out to be someone that would make a difference in this world. Judy has made sure that he continues to do just that. Thank you, Matt, for being the angel that still visits me in my dreams, and thank you, Judy, for helping me cope and remember the amazing person I grew up with who left this world way too soon, but still leaves an impact. I will always admire him as I did when we were young. I highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to get to know a young man who, even though he was shorter than me, I have always looked up to. This book will make you laugh, make you cry, but most importantly make you feel something deep in your heart.

[Simon]

I think it is presumptuous to rate the book. Shepard is not a literary figure, and it reads as though she dictated, rather than wrote, the story. But I am not giving "stars" to this account of her personal grief. Quibbles about her "style" are ultimately meaningless.

I directed THE LARAMIE PROJECT about eight years ago, and wish I had had access to this account at the time. It provides a candid look at her son, whom she rescues from the plaster case of sanctity in which he was wrapped during the immediate aftermath of the brutal murder. Matt emerges as an actual human being with faults, failings and good qualities --- above all as someone just like everyone else, which after all is the "meaning" of his life, AND the reason his death was so horrific. McKinney and Henderson killed him because he was perceived as NOT like everyone else. I have read some reviews of this book who reject the idea that Matt was killed because he was gay. Don't be silly.

[Trisha Harrington · Rating 5 out of 5]

My thoughts on this book... It's a hard thing to really say. At the moment my emotions are all over the place and I feel like my review needs to be something... something special. But I know I will not be able to write a review to do justice to this beautiful book written by one of the strongest women. Judy Shepard has given the world something and it should be shared and cherished. She gave us an insight on the life of her beautiful son who was murdered.

I have seen the movie and read articles on Matthew. But this book is written by his own mother. It shows us who Matthew was, not who people wanted him to be. This book did not talk about a perfect gay person. It did not feed us about how wonderful he was and how gay he was. Judy has given us Matthew. Not her son. Most of us who read this will never have the privilege to meet Matthew. But from reading this, I know Matthew did not go through life as a gay person. No. He was a son, a brother, a grandson, nephew, cousin, and friend.

The Meaning of Matthew broke my heart. Reading this was like going through it all with Matthew's family. I found myself getting emotional when I heard about the sensitive little boy he had been. And I found myself just as emotional when I read about his struggles. The sad truth is Matthew was a boy who was lost. His journey was one that was not easy. It was fraught with hardships that would bring anybody down. Not all of it could have been help, but the majority made me wonder... I will not go into sordid details. But I will say it has left me with a question and I wonder if others will feel the same way.

Judy does an excellent job of telling their story, Matthew's story. It's not about glamourising things. It's about setting the story straight and giving people hope. The way her son died was not only brutal, but it was an act of pure hatred and evil. There are no words that could describe this act accurately. Matthew's story is shocking, but he was not the only person murdered for being gay. This book also shows us how Judy came to realise this, and what made her decide to take a stand and fight. We all need someone to fight for us. She is the one fighting for LGBT people.

The most poignant part of this story, in my opinion, is Denis, Matthew's father, speech in court. He did a wonderful job in putting the message across. I believe it must have taken a lot for him to stand up and talk about his son the way he did... It simply blows me away and I wonder if I would have had his strength. Both of Matthew's parents did their best, but in the end, this shows your best, is not always enough. It's sad, but this story does show us this. It also shows us how much love is in the world. Although, we might not always experience that love.

My final words... Matthew was a boy who was taken from the world far too soon. His struggles and battles are real. People still face the same prejudices and are still murdered and tortured for being who they are. But Matthew faced a lot in his life, and this young man was flawed. But in no way did he deserve to meet the end he did. Nobody, and I mean nobody, deserves to be murdered in such a horrific way. It is just unbelievable to me that anyone could be as evil as the men who took this beautiful young man from the world.

I must say that this book should be read by as many people as possible. It might just open people's eyes.

[Thomas · Rating 5 out of 5]

The name Matthew Shepard brings to mind gay rights, hate crimes, and a brutal death brought upon by ignorance. But in The Meaning of Matthew, Judy Shepard, Matthew's mother, points out an important fact: Matthew wasn't perfect, an angel, or a saint. He was human.

Early reports almost deified Matt, presenting him as a martyr of sorts - a kid who could do no wrong who had been crucified for being gay. But like any living human, Matt was far from a saint. Matt's murder wasn't horrific because it ended an angelic life but because it ended a very human life riddled with all the complexities and contradictions each of us face.

Not only does Judy Shepard delineate Matt's death and the trial against his murderers, more importantly, she delves into what made Matthew Shepard shine as a person. She does so with quiet passion and the love of a mother. Her voice never dulls or dims, but it approaches every aspect of her son's life with care and honesty.

I hate to say this, as a mother, but I don't think I would have been a compassionate parent if I'd found out about his HIV status under normal circumstances. I would have been angry and disappointed that Matt hadn't been more careful. I'm not sure I would have been able to resist the urge to say, "Dammit! You promised you would always be careful!" I'm sure I would have been more understanding with time, but my initial reaction may not have been one of compassion.

Judy Shepard sublimates her grief by taking a stand on important issues within the gay community. I only disagree with her stance on the death penalty, but she still presents her arguments respectfully. Of course she's also created the The Matthew Shepard Foundation to support individuals of the GLBTQ spectrum.

Curtis's questions were clearly attempting to steer the jury into believing that a gay man could send a straight man - or even two straight men - into a murderous fury simply by flirting.

That, at its core, is what's wrong with the gay panic defense Tangeman and Custis were trying to use. If making an unwarranted pass were a good excuse for killing someone, there would be a lot more straight men out there getting murdered.

Overall, I would recommend this book for anyone who's interested in learning more about Matthew Shepard - not just the murder that made his name famous, but who he was as a person. I cried watching The Laramie Project and still learned a lot from reading Judy Shepard's brave book. My five-star rating does not represent just how much I enjoyed her story. It exemplifies the quality of her efforts in improving the lives of those around her.

*review cross-posted on my blog, the quiet voice.

[Hanje Richards · Rating 3 out of 5]

If Judy Shepard's purpose was to disavow us of the impression that her son was a saint for the GLBT movement, she did her job. I found Matthew Shepard a likeable if confused young man, reminding me of other 21 year olds I have known. His mother seems fairly clear about his faults and frailties. Good for her.

After reading the book though, I am less convinced that Matthew Shepard's murder had much, if anything to do with his sexual orientation. Seems he got himself in a pickup truck with a couple of methed-up rednecks who were looking for some money and some cheap entertainment. They were mean, they were savage, they said that Matthew made a pass at one of them. A martyr for the cause? I am not so sure.

I think Judy Shepard was as honest as any mother could be under the circumstances. I have a son the same age. I kept quizzing myself to see if I would be able to be as honest under the circumstances. Ms. Shepard and her family have been through a terrible experience, and there were people who were willing to make Matthew a martyr. There were people who were willing to give her a reason for her son's death. And certainly, as a mother, one would want to know "why?" But I have a feeling that Matthew's death was more a case of being at the wrong place at the wrong time than anything else.

Sadly, I think I liked Matthew better before I knew anything about him. His death continuex to be senseless and wrong. But it may not be a tragedy for the same reasons I thought it was.

[Courtney · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm not sure what led me to check out this book but I'm so glad I did and would recommend it highly to anyone who cares about equal rights, justice, empathy and family.

I was a young mother of a toddler in October 1998 and had recently found out I was pregnant again after a traumatic miscarriage. It was all about motherhood during that time for me. That said, I believe I can relate now more than then to Judy Shepard, of what it must have been like to lose her 21-year-old son Matthew, the victim of a brutal hate crime which sparked international media attention and an unexpected outpouring of love from strangers.

I wish I had the privilege of knowing this handsome, funny, caring young man who just happened to be gay. His mom describes his empathy showing its enthusiastic face at a young age, putting notes in neighbor's mailboxes to cheer people up -- until his grandpa the postmaster had to explain it was a federal offense. "So Matt decided to leave pretty rocks in their mailboxes instead."

The book is the story of Matthew and a tribute to the young man he was and could have become had he not met had a fateful meeting with Aaron McKinney and Russell Henderson at a local bar in Laramie where Matt had just started back to college. The beating and trial that follows is part of the book, but not the focus. Instead we learn how Judy and her family slowly absorbed what Matt's death meant to the world. They started a foundation (http://www.matthewshepard.org/) in his name and Judy became a human rights activist. We learn that Wyoming was not and is not the intolerant state we all thought it to be in 1998. And we learn that love can erase hate and we can change laws and justice does get its day in court.

Meeting Judy Shepard is now on my bucket list. I hope to bring her to the South Sound so everyone can hear her story. But I still encourage you to READ THE BOOK!

[Winter Sophia Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartbreaking, Moving, Inspiring, Eye Opening!!! A Beautiful Read!!! I Loved It!!!

[Aryn · Rating 2 out of 5]

"You knew him as Matthew. To us he was Matt. I have tried to reconcile the two within these pages. It would be unfair to Matt if only Matthew's story was told. Matt was so much more than 'Matthew the gay twenty-one-year-old University of Wyoming college student.' He had a family and countless friends. He had a life before that night he was tied to that fence."

I really, really, really wanted to like this book. I think I actually squeaked when I found it, and signed, for only $5. I wanted to like it so badly that I gave it an extra star. Truthfully, this was probably only a one-star book. I gave it the extra star because, though I was too young to remember the incident, 1998? I would have been in fifth grade or thereabout. However, I went to college in 2005 - less than ten years later - and I went to a primarily music/theater school. What did that mean? Lots of gay guys. My best friends and I used to joke that the campus was 75% female, and of the 20% that were male more than 50% were gay. Anyway. Point being, I know Matthew's story inside and out, I've been to events, seen the movies, heard talks given by people who knew him, etc. etc. Therefore, the story always meant a lot to me. Both of my younger sisters have come out of the closet and I'm active in the LGBTA communities. I wanted to like this book, so fucking badly.

Unfortunately, what was striking throughout this book is that Judy never expected to write a book. I guess I can't blame her, it's not like she had a hell of a lot of a choice in the events that took place. However, it was simply a poorly written book. There was very little new information, and frankly it just seemed like Judy really knew very little about what was really going on in her son's head. I mean, true, who really knows what's going on in any 21 year old's mind?

Sadly, the best written chapters were the ones about when Matt was in the hospital, when Judy and family were playing the waiting game to see if he would recover, even after being told he wouldn't. I'm sure those are moments that have run through Judy's mind over and over and over and over and over again. It was nice to read that Matthew was surrounded by people who loved him and less media circus than I would have expected. The emotion in these chapters just seemed so much more real than in the other chapters.

Judy writes over and over again that she has learned to control her emotions and that even when everything was still fresh that she hated people seeing her as the grieving mother. She places great value on emotional control, but I don't. It made it very hard to connect with her and her story. I wanted to hear more about what she was actually feeling rather than how she was having trouble controlling it. Her baby was beaten to death, I don't think I would be able to control emotions in that sort of situation and I had a hard time understanding even why she would want to. Granted, I've never been through anything of this sort, but I'd think that trying to contain that many emotions would eventually become more painful than letting them out.

[Peggy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Judy Shepard writes about how important it was for her to hold her emotions in check during the aftermath of her son's murder. She continues to do so in her book and I am grateful for that. I expected that her book would be devastating to read, but she presents the story in an unadorned and almost distant voice. There is no doubt in my mind that this horrific event led to a turning point in American attitudes towards gays and lesbians, even though, as Shepard points out, this positive change has unleashed vicious and hateful fringe elements who feed off the tumolt and pain that they create with their signs and slurs. Most interesting to me was Shepard's analysis about how society's disapproval of Matthew's gay identity as a child shaped his personality, and brought out an angry streak in him at home. May a better world emerge, where people do not have to hide their sexual orientation, and where they don't have to twist themselves into distorted shapes to try to fit in.

[Shane · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm sure many of us remember when Matthew Shepard was brutally beaten and ultimately died of his injuries. I was amazed when I picked up this book that it had been so long - way back in October 1998. I couldn't believe it had been more than dozen years and I still remembered all of the details released through the mass media.

There are three brief comments I have on this book:

First, Judy Shepard is not a professional author, but her prose is honest and direct. The book is brief and spare, and sometimes the sentences fail to live up to their potential, but it is also heartfelt and heart wrenching. It's hard to imagine the strength this woman has in pursuing a life of activism that she never wanted or asked for, driven there by her son's horrific murder.

Second, as I said before I remember all of the details we were told when this was transpiring. I very much remember how awful I felt when I'd heard that Matthew had died. I was driving down a street in west Madison and literally had to pull over. I have no idea why I felt for this guy I never met as much as I did, but I certainly wasn't alone. Despite my own experience, when I read the title of this book just before cracking it open I thought to myself that Ms. Shepard needed to make a case for her subtitle "...a World Transformed." She does. I really like the way this book makes you think about your assumptions and what you think you know. As presented by his mother, Matthew comes across as a great but flawed human being. Those flaws make him seem more human, and therefore help connect a reader to the victim of those events of so long ago. And the perspective for how this tragedy affects us still today, while perhaps the weakest part of the book, does come through and offer a reader food for thought.

Finally, I had been carrying around assumptions with me that I didn't even know I had regarding Laramie and the University of Wyoming. It wasn't until Ms. Shepard points out how bad she feels that so many people will see both only through the lens of this terrible tragedy that I realized that I had been doing so myself. The book covers this briefly but well, discussing how Wyoming is not the most tolerant or open-minded place in the country, but that it has what she, as a native Wyomingite, calls a "live and live attitude," and that it is filled with good people and beautiful countryside. I never intended to visit Wyoming before, but if I'm ever there I'll appreciate it in a different way because of reading this book.

I recommend this book to anyone who remembers the Matthew Shepard murder and wants to know more about it from the perspective of his mother.

[John Anthony · Rating 3 out of 5]

Having just read one American Tragedy, I start on another, what a glutton for punishment I must be.

But this one is real. The crime here, the brutal murder of Matthew Shepard, is unspeakable and high on a Reichter (?) scale of evil. I can’t begin to imagine the degree of trauma and pain to him and his family. His parents’ dignity and restraint in the wake of his death is humbling, to say the very least. I found his father’s statement to the court (and his son’s murderer) at the end of McKinney’s trial, immensely moving and life affirming.

All this said, there was something lacking as I turned the last page, a feeling that there were things left unspoken. All of us have our own special needs and Matthew perhaps more than most. There was an inevitability, or so it seemed to me, about his untimely end. The vileness of it is something else though.

Deeply troubling; part of me wishes that I’d never read it because of all the unanswered questions in my mind. I now feel I want to know more about Matt, perhaps more than is given here?

[Louis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I gave this book five stars because it is such a frank commentary by Judy Shepard on her son and her reaction to his murder. The death of Matthew Shepard still moves me deeply, for various complex reasons. That is one of the reasons I read this book--to try to make sense out of why the death of one gay person, as opposed to the other deaths of gay people by haters, so affected me. It is interesting to imagine how your life with your son has been essentially a private family matter. Even as you hear that he has been hospitalized, imagine being in the airport and seeing that your son's murder is on the cover of multiple newspapers. How do you deal with your son in the hospital when suddenly this demand from the rest of the world is coming in on you? Judy's forthrightness and willingness to share her range of emotions to these events were very moving to me. And her call for an end to all hate and violence is one which we need to work at. As she says in the book, "begin to heal". I think that the subtitle summarizes the conundrum, how a murder could lead to a world transformed. But it has. I also have to give Judy credit for not including photos in this book--it really isn't the place. Every time I see a picture in some other place of that fence, though, I am just chilled to the bone.

[Jodi · Rating 5 out of 5]

There were so many things I liked about this book, it's hard to describe why I enjoyed it. Probably what was the best was that Judy Shepherd did a good job of showing who her son really was, without becoming overly emotional and/or exploitive of the situation. I also liked these things: (1) the way she illustrated her thinking and analysis of particular situations that arose, (2) her introspection and willingness to admit any regrets, (3) the way she showed the genuine closeness of the Shepherd family without being "schmaltzy" about it, and (4) how and why she and her husband, Dennis, came to particular decisions and conclusions during the trial process. This is definitely one of my favorite books of the year.

[Ashley Reid · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a beautifully written book all the way through. I couldn't finish it in one sitting though because I had to keep taking breaks to wipe my eyes and emotionally recharge.

Though I remember hearing small details of this crime when I was younger, I hadn't really heard much since and I was too young to understand it fully at that time. So when my teacher gave me this book recently I thought I knew what I was getting myself into, but there was nothing that could have prepared me for reading about such a vile crime from his mothers perspective.


No-one should have to suffer through any hate fueled crime. Especially not one as tragic as this.

[Julianna · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reviewed for THC Reviews
The Meaning of Matthew is the story of the life and heart-breaking, violent death of Matthew Shepard in October of 1998 as told by his mother Judy Shepard. Matthew's story caused a firestorm of media attention because he was gay and his murder was deemed a hate crime against his sexual orientation. In large part, it was Matthew's death that began to bring greater attention to the LGBT community and the prejudices they face.

As I read this book, I was struck by how incredibly normal the Shepard family were. They were, and in many ways still are, a typical American family. They worked and raised children, celebrated special occasions and took family vacations. There was nothing about them which would have predicted what happened to them. But then, it usually is the most ordinary of people who find themselves in the midst of extraordinary circumstances that not only change their lives, but also the lives of others by shedding light into darkness.

Matthew sounds like he was a really lovely young man, a kind, caring, empathetic person who was always willing to lend a hand or befriend someone in need. He is remembered as being friendly, and someone who his peers were comfortable talking to, especially when they had problems. Matthew wasn't perfect though. He had his share of teen angst and troubles. I think that things really started to go downhill for him when he was attacked and gang raped in the streets of Morocco during a trip there with some classmates. He never really fully recovered from that incident, and afterwards, had a lot of emotional issues including PTSD and severe depression. He also started drinking heavily and wasn't taking his medications as prescribed. I can only imagine the terror he must have felt when his murderers abducted him. It would be incredibly frightening under any circumstances, but must have been doubly so because of what he'd been through before.

As a mom, I really sensed and understood Judy's frustration at not being able to help Matt get out of the destructive behavior he was in. I think there's a very fine line between helping a person help themselves and doing everything for them which is unhealthy. It appears that she and her husband did their best to help Matt, but he just wasn't ready, or able, to do what needed to be done to get better at that time. I felt very deeply for Matt. I get the feeling that he was probably trying to mask the pain of the rape and a certain degree of confusion about his sexual orientation by abusing alcohol and prescription drugs. It's so very sad that some people are never quite able to get out of that kind of destructive cycle. It's sadder still to know that at the time of his death, Matthew seemed to be trying to turn over a new leaf, but his efforts were snuffed out prematurely.

I can't even imagine how difficult it must have been for Judy and Dennis when Matthew passed away. It's hard enough to loose a child, but to have to go through that kind of pain under the intense glare of a media frenzy must have been excruciating. On top of that, they had to deal with Fred Phelp's "church" coming to protest at the memorial service, which caused the need for bomb sniffing dogs, a SWAT team, and Dennis having to wear a bullet-proof vest to a press conference. It all must have felt extremely surreal, like they'd just walked into the middle of complete chaos, when all they really wanted to do was just say goodbye to their son. Thankfully, Matt's murderers were arrested pretty quickly, but then the Shepard family had to deal with their trials. During one of the proceedings, the defense attorney essentially tried to paint Matt as the guilty party merely because of his sexual orientation or because he may have possibly hit on one of the men. If I were Judy, I probably would have been a basket case, but she somehow managed to handle everything with grace and dignity.

I really admire Judy's ability to write a book that was very fair and balanced. She never tried to paint her son as a perfect angel, and in doing so, she presented a portrait of a young man who was very real and human for all his faults and foibles. She also could have easily used this book as a platform to rail against the unfairness of it all. I have no doubt that she asked, “Why my son?” many times, but here she simply presented the story as it unfolded. She also could have ripped into a number of different people for various reasons, but she always chose to take the high road and look at things in a more positive light instead. Even though Judy stuck to the facts and tried to keep her emotions in check, I still couldn't help tearing up several times while reading this book.

I would highly recommend The Meaning of Matthew to anyone who is interested in learning more about LGBT issues and hate crimes. I also think it would be a good book for teaching teens to be more understanding to their LGBT peers. Other than the sensitive nature of the story itself, there is nothing in the book which would be objectionable for a mature YA audience. It can often be difficult to see the good in bad things, but this is one case where I think a lot of good has come from tragic circumstances. I think that Matthew's death, as unfair and horrible as it was, helped to open the lines of communication and opened doors for many in the LGBT community. I wholeheartedly believe that Matthew would be proud to know that his life, and death, have had such a positive impact in the world, because that's just the kind of person he was.

[Doug Beatty · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had been avoiding reading anything about Matthew Shepard, mainly because I knew the story from the news and it was just heart wrenching, and thought that I probably should stick to lighter fare.

But I decided to read this one and although very sad, it found it to be a good read. Ms. Shepard is able to take the tragedy and use it to find stregnth to educate so that this kind of crime will not happen again.

It was also nice to learn more about Matthew (or Matt, as the family called him) because often we learn of someone as a victim and we are unaware of his character. And he did have hard times and was not perfect, but he had a good character and a close and loyal family.

The book is not terribly long (I was able to finish it in a day and a half) and the chapters are concise and read fluidly. Although I was saddened by the story, Ms. Shepard ended the book with a note of hope, and gave a little bit of info on human rights campaigns and the Matthew Shepard Foundation, letting us know that there is more work to be done, but that there are also organizations that are there to help.

I am glad she had the courage to share her story, even though I am sure it was difficult for her to write.

[Carlos · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ever since I received an email about this book coming out I wanted to read it immediately. As a gay man, I wanted to know about Matthew's mom perspective. Like him, I too have a very close relationship with my own mother. This book I can honestly say left my heart and thoughts back to that time when we all heard and got to know this unjust and unfortunate tragedy.

"The Meaning of Matthew" is a very honest and poignant book about a mother's love for her son that happens to be gay and died for people's ignorance. She kept her composure and cool as much as possible but on this text you can certainly experience how difficult it is to lose someone you love unconditionally. I can go on and on but all I want to say is, if you want to learn about parents dealing with loss a child, gay issues, and the human condition then I encourage you to pick this book. Information and compassion is very important we need to keep close to us.

[Tom · Rating 1 out of 5]

If I could give this piece of propaganda a negative rating I would. The writing style was great and I enjoyed reading the book until I learned it was an entire fabrication of the truth. (One of my coworkers was a police officer in laramie at the time and gave me the "other" story) It bothered me because I felt taken in and cheated after feeling sorry for this kid. Just goes to show that just because its in a book doesnt make it the truth.

[Nev · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 - Matthew Shepard was murdered in 1998; he was severely beaten and left tied to a fence for over 18 hours and then spent days comatose in a hospital before passing away. He was gay and the belief was that he was murdered because of his sexual orientation. At the time crimes based on sexual orientation were not considered hate crimes by federal law or Wyoming state law. Matthew’s name and story have become part of the history of gay rights in the United States.

In this book his mother, Judy Shepard, tells the story of Matt’s life before his murder made him known across the country. I appreciated that she didn’t try to paint him as some perfect figure. She wrote about good times but also highlighted things about him that weren’t necessarily flattering, but made him human.

She also details what it was like for her and the rest of the Shepard family in the days after Matt was attacked, having to deal with a personal tragedy that became a national news story. It was interesting to see her transformation from someone who didn’t want people using Matt’s death for their own agendas to becoming a gay rights advocate working to extend hate crime laws to include sexual orientation.

The only negative thing I have to say about the book is that the writing was pretty basic. “This happened, then this happened, then this happened,” kind of like that. The writing never distracted from the story, but it also never added anything, in my opinion.

This is an emotional read about a mother dealing with the violent loss of a child that became a galvanizing moment in the history of gay rights.

[Jen · Rating 4 out of 5]

After seeing an interview with Judy Shepard on the Ellen Degeneres show, I was interested in reading her book. Though I recall hearing about Matthew Shepard's death when it had originally occurred, I was a recent college graduate and busy coming in to my own fully adult life, not really realizing that the young man was someone my own age until reading his mother's account now. Sadly, the deaths of those different from their aggressors are happening with the same, or more, frequency today, but Mrs. Shepard's account of her son's life, his death and the resulting advocacy for hate-crimes laws shows that there is still much being done to try and end this type of suffering.

[Kelsey Hipkin · Rating 3 out of 5]

Soul crushing. A should read for anyone who wants to better understand more about certain LGBTQ+ struggles.

[Paul · Rating 5 out of 5]

The story of the senseless murder of Matthew Shepard is gut-wrenching. That it was written by his mother, with whom he had a very close relationship, is astounding. Judy Shepard courageously reveals her son to the world examining both his strengths and weaknesses – something parents find very hard to do, even when their children are alive. Moreover, Judy Shepard chronicles her and her husband’s lives throughout the ordeal of Matthew’s death and the trial of his murderers.

The central theme of the book is that this tragedy brought to light the need for attitude changes, civil rights laws, the spread of tolerance and the destruction of bigotry throughout our country – and indeed, the world. Imagine burying your beloved son while protesters stand outside the church yelling “Faggots burn in Hell” and carry signs stating “Matthew in Hell”. Yet these hate-mongers actually were counter-productive to their own ends when Judy decided that these actions must stop. Since Matthew’s murder, she has been active (and successful) in spurring the passing of hate-crime laws and in spreading tolerance rather than hatred and bigotry throughout the country. I have come to greatly admire Judy Shepard and applaud her efforts.

I would recommend this book to anyone. And if you have difficulty reading through your tears, then at least you can be sure you have a heart.

Grade: A

[Anna · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was painful in the same way that Dave Cullen's Columbine was. The subject matter is heartbreaking and infuriating. However, Columbine was also very well written and myth-shattering. This one was neither of those things. I don't blame Judy Shepard for not being a good writer, as I doubt she ever planned to be one, but I wish she had written this with a someone else who could have helped her tell her family's story a little better. Mostly, I already knew the story. There were a couple of inaccuracies in the media's reporting, but nothing earth-shaking. The early chapters that talked about Matthew's life before the attack were the best, as they served to make him more real and three dimensional than the martyr he has become. Unfortunately, the rest was just another rehashing of the information that everyone interested in this story already knew. I also got the impression that Shepard is trying very hard to educate people about hate crimes and gay rights through this book. I felt I was definitely being "taught." The problem is, the kind of people who need her message wouldn't come near this book, so those who do pick it up looking for some new insight on Matthew's story end up feeling unnecessarily preached to.

[Cole Jack · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is not a book of comfort for those seeking sense about the death of Matthew "Matt" Shepard, but is a book of the confusion of a mother attempting to tell her side of her son's life to the world.

Judy Shepard writes this novel with candor that is at times almost painful to read but for any that have read or seen the play "The Laramie Project" it brings incredible depth to the life of Matt and his family. Mrs. Shepard does not attempt to sugarcoat the anger they felt at the media during this traumatic time of their life or even to try to make her own family seem idealized in the eyes of the reader. She speaks of her son's own struggles with depression with openness that is stunning.

While Matthew has been idealized and glorified by many as being a key figure in the gay rights movement today, it is through Judy Shepard's portrayal of her son that he has become truly real in my eyes and the pain of his family more tangible.

[Joe Scholes · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a very well written and moving book. There were many places that brought me to tears. I think it was very brave, and wise, of Judy Shepard to write so frankly about Matt. She revealed that he was not the angelic, poor little gay boy the media has portrayed him to be. He was 21 years old and had the usual problems of any young man his age.

There were several very personal revelations about Matt that came as a surprise to me, but that only served to make him more real in my mind. Judy Shepard did not shy away from the difficult parts of Matt's story, as she easily could have. I admire her bravery in being able to accomplish such a task.

I highly recommend this memoir to anyone, gay or straight, who would like to see an end to hate, for whatever reason. This book will also open your eyes to the depth of dispair and sadness experienced by the family of one who was so tragically, and brutally, killed out of blind ignorance and hatred.

[Erin · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is the story of Matt Shepard. It is his mother's attempt to tell the story of who he was, as well as how his tragic death shaped the world. I learned things about Matthew that I didn't know -- big things like he'd been gang raped in Morocco and that he was HIV positive, and little things like his love of fishing and community theatre.

This was a fairly easy read; it felt like having a chat with his mom. However, parts of the story were repetitive and at other points the flow was off. I realize Mrs. Shepard is not a professional author. I don't hold that against her per se. But in the end, what she authored was a book, and this is a review of said book. While I understand that she's not a writer, but a mother and an accidental advocate, I would be remiss to ignore the structural issues, just because the story she's telling is heartbreaking. For these structural reasons, the book got the rating it did.

[Sally · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I recognize the tragic story of Matthew Shepard to be pivotal in promoting awareness of gay issues, if not gay rights, I did not find his mother Judy's story to be particularly influential. That said, I very much appreciated the courage it took her to tell her story. When I saw her speak at a gathering in Seattle almost ten years ago now, I was struck by her stated plight: just a simple wife and mother whom fate had catapulted into a notorious form of fame - fame that she never wanted and would readily trade just to have her son Matt back. Her words about Matt's persecutors: "They wouldn't be able to do this if only every gay person would just come out...there would be too many of you!" informed my thinking and basically changed my life. This book did not.

[Janisestellyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I feel like I cheated because I did not technically "read" this book; rather, I listened to the audiobook, poignantly narrated by Judy and Dennis Shepard, and found it extremely moving. In 1998 I was too young to follow the case and have, since that time, become very aware of Judy's work and Matthew's story, but to hear a mother tell her son's story in such a loving and personal manner was amazing and brought the Shepard case into a brand new light. The sparsity of Judy's language, the slow steady pace of her spoken words, and the clarity of Dennis' voice breathed so much beauty and emotion into the story of a young man, neither saint nor sinner, we thought we all knew but could never know as well as his own mother.

[Mary Ellen · Rating 1 out of 5]

I picked up the book for many reasons, but one of the main being that I am profoundly touched by issues of bullying and discrimination and what people choose to do in the face of that. Also the story of Matthew in the news made me disgusted with the way he was treated and I wanted to honour his life in learning more about him. However, I found this book so poorly written that I couldn't even finish it. I am conflicted in saying that because of the subject and because it is a biography, however I wasn't able to get past the disjointed writing.

[Nolen · Rating 3 out of 5]

It is not a superbly written book, but it conveys a very powerful story. It is not totally objective (why should it?) but it is far from manipulative, never trying to sweeten the characters of the unfortuntate starrings (never portrayed as "perfect angels", just normal people that shouldn't have gone through such an ordeal). It is the account of an impressive, terrible story, that should never have happened. I hope the weight in my chest I have felt during most of the book helps me become a better person.