Vulnerability In Business?
The key to building trust with clients
Whenever vulnerability is brought up in business people tend to start to roll their eyes or check out. In my experience people believe that we can cut off parts of being human in order to “get the job done.” Well there is some truth to that, but I don’t believe that cutting off our most human attributes leads to the best possible business results long term.
I read Getting Naked by Patrick Lencioni in two days. It was a business book that my friend and new boss recommended because it had such an impact on him when he was starting his business Closer & Closer. The book centers around two consulting firms. One acquires the other and a consultant of the bigger more traditional firm had to send a man in to figure out how this oddball firm seems to be doing so well. We follow this character through the process of discovery and enlightenment of being more vulnerable and honest with clients, and how it ultimately leads to better results because there is so much inherent trust built between the two parties. Together, they are so dialed-in, honest, open, and overall more real with their clients compared to the firm that is constantly trying to sell and convince.
Ultimately the book leads to a conversation where the gentlemen sent in to the traditional firm has to explain to his boss and owners what is so different about this oddball firm, and he presents a model to explain it all. This model is what I want to share with you.
Naked Service Defined
The model at its core is, “the ability of a service provider to be vulnerable — to embrace uncommon levels of humility, selflessness, and transparency for the good of a client.” This might seem straightforward but the reality is that in order to do this one would have to be willing to “suffer” for our clients. We typically avoid these feelings because they can seem weak in the world of business.
Three Core Fears that drive us to make decisions that aren’t in our clients interest.
They are:
Fear of losing the business
Fear of being embarrassed
Fear of feeling inferior
There are antidotes to these fears which are defined as:
Always consult instead of sell
Give away the business
Tell the kind truth
Enter the danger
Ask dumb questions
Make dumb suggestions
Celebrate your mistakes
Take a bullet for the client
Make everything about the client
Honor the clients work
Do the dirty work
Admit your weaknesses and limitations
Let’s unpack the three core fears and the antidotes that can drive a true connection with a client.
Core fear: Losing the business
Antidotes: Consult—don’t sell, give away the business, tell the kind truth, enter the danger
This one might seem the most obvious but this one is a sneaky beast. We are all driven by the evolutionary desire to protect our livelihoods, but that can cause us to have clouded judgment. Are we working for our own personal interest? Or for the interest of the client? This typically begins in the very first step of the sales cycle, or in the process of consulting or servicing the client.
If we focus on “saying and doing whatever is in the best interests of clients they stop worrying about the repercussions.” If we make ourselves vulnerable to our clients and not worried about protecting ourselves, it opens doors. The first antidote for this is based on consulting (which the book is focused on the entire time). Instead of coming into a consultation with all the research, services, and potential things you could offer, one could consult first, and not sell. This process unlocks trust.
Additionally if you give away the business you will give tangible examples of how you could help in person or on a call that could actually sell better than a traditional sales model. At the end of the day “It's all about standing there naked in front of the client. It’s about building trust. And in the end, that means the client trusts and takes care of you.”
One of the other things that serves as an antidote to the fear of losing the business is telling the kind truth. This one is the most crucial in my opinion because when you do this you have to speak with a “level of empathy and concern that you would normally reserve for a friend.” The examples they give in the book are great but some that stood out are:
Telling a CEO that he doesn’t hold his staff accountable
Telling someone that they talk too much during meetings
Telling a business owner that his son needs to be moved out of leadership
Each of these examples are normally really awkward, uncomfortable, and sometimes weird but when you enter into them looking to tell the kind truth you earn a level of trust because the client knows ultimately you have their best interests at heart and not some selfish goal of just sharing your opinion.
The final antidote for fear of losing the business is to enter the danger. This idea comes from the world of improv theater. “The idea is that when a group of actors are doing improv, and one of them says something particularly bizarre, it’s important for the other to avoid the tendency to dodge or ignore that comment, but instead to walk right into the middle of it. That’s where the best improv comes from — the wackiest, most uncomfortable stuff.” We’ve all been in a meeting like this where someone says something that is strange, politically awkward and the tension heightens. The best thing to do in these moments is to step directly into the moment and ride it. We need to avoid what we normally do, which “is just to be quiet and let the moment pass, but what great consultants do…is walk right into the middle of the situation and call it out.” Ultimately this could feel threatening to the client, but we have to be more concerned with what is best for the client and not what protects our own self interest.
2. Core fear: Being embarrassed
Antidotes: Ask dumb questions, make dumb suggestions, celebrate your mistakes
Nobody likes to look stupid in front of others. It’s built into our lizard brains. Yet we need to learn how to not care so much about others opinions and lean into the realities of what is presented to us.
The goal isn’t to go out of the way to look stupid or have no filter on what you say to a client but the intention is to air on the side of of speaking up even if it feels potentially embarrassing. “And as painful as that is in the moment, it is disarmingly effective in terms of adding value and endearing” to clients.
The first antidote to this fear is to go ahead and ask the dumb questions. “Whether it’s an industry term or an acronym or a concept that everyone else in the room seems to understand…just never pretend to know more than you do.” This applies in so many scenarios in agency life, business, learning, and just being human. Its hard to put yourself in a situation where you could be wrong but the reality is the temporary pain of being embarrassed doesn’t outweigh the trust that is built when you actually learn and understand something instead of staying ignorant or potentially incompetent on what you’re trying to help with.
Similar to asking dumb questions is the other antidote which is make dumb suggestions. In the midst of making suggestions, it’s more important to say it even if it’s wrong. Two of the five suggestions could be actual winners because you don’t have the same experience your client does. They can tell you that something won’t work or potentially see a solution in one of your dumb suggestions even if you can’t see it. This again is airing on the side of your client, not yourself. Owning when something is off or not working is key for this antidote. Own when your suggestion doesn’t fit because of feedback. Which flows right into the final antidote for this fear.
Celebrate your mistakes. Laugh at yourself. Take the ribbings that your client might throw at you. Own the fact that what you said didn’t line up or could potentially be wildly ignorant. Your intention is to bring value and to help so even if something wasn’t “right,” it doesn’t mean it's inherently bad for the relationship or client. The most important part is “you don’t stop making suggestions. Most of your ideas won’t be horrible. Even the ones that aren’t so good won’t hurt you as long as you’re humble enough to acknowledge that you’re not an expert. And if you’ve built trust with the client, they don’t think about it for a second.”
Now if most of your ideas are bad ones you might have a different problem. It’s not that you’re too vulnerable or open, it's that you might not be competent. Clients don’t mind sifting through suggestions that are “not-so-good…as long as they're offered with good intentions and with no ego attached.”
Let’s move on to the third and final fear and its antidotes.
3. Core fear: Feeling inferior
Antidotes: Take a bullet for the client, make everything about the client, honor the client's work, do the dirty work.
This one can seem similar to the second fear but the fear of feeling inferior “is more about humility as a person, not needing to be the center of attention. Even taking on a role of true subservience to a client.” This focuses more on our own pride. Personally, I love being right. I like having the right ideas, the right perspective, just RIGHTNESS in general, but this fear shows up plenty, and a lot of times we need to step back and remember that we don’t always have the right answer and all we can focus on is how we can get there in collaboration with our team and the ones we are serving/working for.
“There is something so powerful about a person who in one moment can be confident enough to confront a client about a sensitive personal issue, and then in the next moment humble themselves and take a position of servitude. It’s the paradoxical nature of it all that makes it work.”
When taking a bullet for your client you have to know where the line of abuse is, and how sometimes when you’re working for someone else cards fall in non-ideal ways. Sometimes you might be the “fall person” in order for your client to pull off what they need to pull off. You never want to let them abuse you, but there is a fine line between temporary inferiority and abuse. Falling on the side of shouldering fault temporarily on behalf of your client can build trust. You will need to bring back one of the original antidotes of telling the kind truth to the client after you’ve taken responsibility on their behalf.
Taking a bullet is countercultural because we are encouraged in life to deflect responsibility for problems, especially if we are not sure that we have done anything to warrant blame.
Another antidote in remedying the fear of feeling inferior is to make everything about the client. Ultimately, this is about making sure the attention is always on the client. Removing ego, removing self importance in the process and letting the client have the spotlight. When you are vulnerable and a “naked service” provider you won’t need to shout about your accomplishments or talk about your expertise, experience etc. Let the client discover those things in the service you are providing them.
One of the antidotes that I really enjoyed was honor the client’s work. This is key for anyone wanting more authentic working relationships. I haven’t always loved what my clients have made or sold, but I could respect the PEOPLE that worked there and THEIR livelihoods. That’s what this antidote is all about. If you’re not able to support the work, or at least the client’s livelihood, then you should refuse the work/job entirely. Another way of saying this is that “naked service providers honor the client by taking an active interest in their business and by appreciating the importance of that business to the client and the client’s customers…this can’t be faked.”
Another antidote in the humble category is to do the dirty work. This is the willingness to not be above anything when it comes to servicing your client. If you need to take out the trash, take out the trash. If you’re the one that set up the conference and now needs to run the microphones around so people can ask questions, do it. If the client needs you to do something that others could perceive as below your station then it's’ probably still worth doing because it’s part of doing the dirty work. As long as it falls within the context of your services this will only bolster the connection and trust with the client.
And finally, admit your weakness and limitations. We are all human. We can’t be everything to everyone. Knowing ourselves enough to be able to own our weaknesses and limitations is actually a strength that clients welcome. “We’ll also wear ourselves out by trying to be something we’re not, which not only is exhausting but also prevents us from doing our best in the areas in which we can thrive.”
The best part about reading this book for me is that it falls so in line with some of my favorite thinkers, authors, and leaders in the business world. It felt like Brene Brown lite, mixed with some Simon Sinek but uniquely new. The one cautionary tale that I will share is that even when you’re vulnerable, it doesn’t mean that every client out there will share that sentiment with you or even appreciate it. The balance through all of this is to make sure the people you are working for actually value the “naked service” they are receiving. If you find yourself in a game where the players aren’t in line with the vulnerability, openness, and service you are bringing to the table it’s okay to end the relationship and find your people.
Even beyond the world of clients, being naked has its benefits and advantages. When we can demonstrate vulnerability to the people we live and work with, we build stronger relationships, affirm our trust in them, and inspire them to become more vulnerable themselves. And that is certainly worth getting naked for.
So I would wholeheartedly say this is a better way of doing business. I think the world would be a more aligned place if people were able to tell the truth, openly, kindly, with integrity. I think that getting naked or vulnerable is a much better path forward for business, marketing, relationships, and people in general.
I’m so encouraged that this is the first book I’m reading FOR WORK as the marketing and partnerships director at Closer & Closer and I can’t wait to bring these principles forward into the relationships that we will cultivate with our artists, clients, team, and vendors.
Here’s to getting naked!