One and the Same: My Life as an Identical Twin and What I've Learned About Everyone's Struggle to Be Singular

by Abigail Pogrebin

Journalist Abigail Pogrebin is many things—wife, mother, New Yorker—but the one that has defined her most profoundly is “identical twin.” As children, she and her sister, Robin, were inseparable. But when Robin began to pull away as an adult, Abigail was left to wonder not only why, but also about the very nature of twinship. What does it mean to have a mirror image? How can you be unique when somebody shares your DNA? In One and the Same, Abigail sets off on a quest to understand how genetics shape us, crisscrossing the country to explore the varied relationships between twins, which range from passionate to bitterly resentful. She speaks to the experts and tries to answer the question parents ask most—is it better to encourage their separateness or closeness? And she paints a riveting portrait of twin life, yielding fascinating truths about how we become who we are.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Psychology, Parenting, Biography Memoir, Biography, Sociology

290 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2009

Reviews

[Josh · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's probably because I'm so close to the subject matter (I'm an identical twin myself), but this is my favorite book of 2009. I can't think of another book - fiction or nonfiction - that has had the emotional resonance with me that this one does. In this book, Pogrebin talks about twinness in a way that I've been trying to to find the right words for my whole life.

[Jessica Snell · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was splendid. I'd been looking for over two years now for a book about parenting identical twins, and this is the best I've found so far, even though that's not its aim. Most books about twins seem to assume that you have fraternals (probably because they're the most common), and while they can be helpful in teaching you logistics (e.g., what do you do when they're both hungry at once?), they don't address the question of how you parent two children who are genetically identical. (They all say: make sure you treat them as two separate people. To which all of us parents of identical twins say: well, duh. Thanks a lot, Captain Obvious.) This book helped answer my questions just by exploring the question, "What does it mean to be an identical twin?"

I came away with the impression that being an identical twin means you have a primary relationship that most people don't have. A relationship that's as strong as the parent-child or husband-wife relationship, and that can be just as good or just as detrimental as those two types of relationships can be, depending on how it's approached. It was good to be confirmed in my suspicion that having an identical twin could be a great treasure for my two youngest daughters, and also good to be reminded that there were pitfalls to watch out for as well. It's an extra relationship, a rare one, one most people don't have . . . but it's a relationship like any other: it can be good or bad, and there's probably a lot I can do as a parent to help get it off on good footing.

[Brina · Rating 4 out of 5]

Before I start, full disclaimer: I am not a twin nor are there any twins in any branches of my family, but I have always been fascinated by twinship. I saw a review for Abigail Pogrebrin's One and the Same on the Jewish Book Council web site and felt like it was a book I had to read.
Abigail and Robin Pogrebrin are the twin daughters of former Ms Magazine writer Letty Cottin Pogrebrin. As girls they enjoyed a strong twinship but as they move toward middle age, Robin decided to make her own way so to speak. Even though the women live about a mile apart and still talk daily, they do not enjoy the perfect companionship they did as children. This evolving relationship lead Abigail to research the relationship of both identical and fraternal twins, which lead to this book.
One and the Same is partially about Abigail and Robin's relationship, but it is also about twins from sociological, emotional, and genetic perspective. She interviews twins, scientific experts, and anyone who is interested in twins' special relationships to get a feel if twins uniqueness is more nature, nurture, or a combination of the two.
I enjoyed the parts of the book were where Abigail interviews adult twins who are still as close as adults as they were as children. There is the story of the Lords, the Pauls, Karen and Kathy, and Helen and Miriam. These couples were able to forge an almost perfect balance between spouse and twin. On the other hand, the science behind twins is equally fascinating. For example, the twins who were adopted by different families and had the same tendencies as adults. Or genetic tendencies of pairs of twins.
In the scientific sections, I was most intrigued by the concept of vanishing twins. Experts suggest that almost 33% of pregnancies start as twins but by 4-8 weeks in many cases one twin is absorbed by the placenta or miscarried. The scientists Pogrebrin spoke with suggest that the singletons born from these pregnancies are hyper-sensitive and mourn a loss of a twin that never was. She uses her own son as an example of this but we are left wondering if this is science or speculation.
All in all, I learned more about twins and their relationships with both each other and others around them by reading this book. I would be interested to read more of both Abigail and Robin's writing as well as that of their famous mom.

[Christine · Rating 3 out of 5]

As a mom to one-year-old identical twin girls, I was excited to find a book by an identical twin about the twin experience. I found the book an engaging read and filled with interesting perspectives from a variety of twins. I came away feeling that I had gained some valuable insight that will hopefully help me be a better parent to my girls.

That said, I think this was one of the most depressing books I have ever read. The book starts off great, and covers exactly the topics I was interested in. Then we get to the part about parenting twins, which I was obviously very interested in. But contrary to my experience, she painted what seemed to me to be an unreasonably dire picture. She rightfully talks about the risks of a twin pregnancy and the ethical issues with IVF. But she doesn't give enough credit to major clinics that are strongly dedicated to avoiding multiple births (including ours, though identical twins are somewhat harder to avoid). She also talks about the challenges of raising twins in the first few years, which I agree are many. However, all the parents she interviewed were desperate and miserable, which just doesn't match my and many other twin parent experiences that I know of. She did mention quickly that her own mother had an easy time of it, and I think to be more realistic she could have included more positive stories (and tips) from the first few years.

Where the book really upset me was in the latter half, which was filled with one depressing story after another. The stories about the death of a twin were horrible but undoubtedly appropriate for this book. But then that was followed with a chapter about twins who each lost a child to Tay-Sachs. While this was a touching and engaging story, it was so improbable and irrelevant to most twin experiences. I quickly moved on to the next chapter, hoping the book would pick up and work on a happy ending. No such luck. The next chapter is about twins in Auschwitz - yes we go from 9/11 to dying babies to Nazis. I mean, again, touching and engaging. But so unbearably depressing.

In conclusion, this is a well-written, well-researched, and engaging book. But the reader should be warned that half of the book is devoted to extremely depressing subject matter that isn't really that central to the twin experience.

[Denise · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was drawn to this book because like so many other mothers of twins,I am constantly on the prowl for advice on raising twins. Having been blessed 16 years ago with 2 beautiful girls, I can relate to so many of the stories shared in this book.

The author, Abigail Pogrebin, is herself a twin, close to my age. The book includes interviews with mothers of twins and twins themselves. I found the stories of twin talk, marriage, and the need to individualize so interesting. It turns out that for so many of the twins interviewed at the annual Twinsburg Twins Convention there are common traits that apply to so many sets. I was fascinated to learn that so many twin marriages fail because there are really 3 people in the marriage--the spouse and the other twin.

Other fascinating aspects of the book include the nature versus nurture component of who we are. As a believer of nature trumping nurture, I was glad to see that my views appear to be validated by Pogrebin. Twins raised apart seem to share so many similar traits, likes, career preferences, etc.

I did find it interesting to learn that many twins do not feel a seamless bond between themself and their twin, but rather feel compelled to force an unnatural bond. Others can finish each other's sentences and feel a symbiotic type of connection.

Somewhat depressing were stories of twins who face adversity and twin loss. In particular is one set of twins who each fathers children with Tay Sachs disease. While they find solace in comforting each other and walking the journey together, their story is tragic.

Another set of twins recounts their Nazi Auschwitz experience. The graphic descriptions left me saddened and nauseated. Unfortunately, these stories are told to us at the end of the book and cast a sad tone accross an otherwise interesting and insightful book.

I still don't have all the answers to raising twins, but it is nice to know that I am not alone in the triumphs and doubts I encounter in my journey as a mother of twins.

[C. · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am not a twin, and there are none in my family, but I have always been curious about them. I found this book really fascinating to read, and very well written. I especially liked all the personal accounts given by the many twins.

I was surprised by the many downsides to being and having a twin,but also charmed by the benefits. I would consider this book essential reading for those expecting twins, or new parents of twins. There are many good tips, such as making sure each parent spends some 'alone time' with each twin, as Robin grew up resenting that her parents never did that with her and Abby, so it was partial cause to her problem of never feeling like a separate whole person, and that is sad. There are really a lot of excellent insights in this book about what it is like being a twin, and how to parent twins. I just know I am so thankful that I wasn't born one, nor gave birth to any!

[Leslie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book helped me understand and articulate the bond of identical twins, the challenges they face in life, and ways to embrace that bond or encourage autonomy.

[maddi · Rating 5 out of 5]

did i read this book, or did this book read me??

edit (11/08/2020):
the way I finished this book almost a month ago and it still lives rent-free in my mind.... I feel like ppl always are like "omg this book was so life-changing!!" and then it's just six of crows :/

[Susie Chocolate · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you are a twin, are a parent of twin or have twins in your family (siblings), this is a great book to read to understand the phenomenon of the complex twin relationship. Granted, the author is herself an identical twin and she sets about understanding this intense bond between her and her sister through the prism of her own twinship. Her and her sister were always intensely close and in their adult lives, though they both live in Manhattan, are both writers and see each other regularly and communicate daily, the intimacy they had when they were younger is now gone and the author mourns that but her sister doesn't and is the one that has struck out more on her own to seek out and stamp out her own identity.

The intensity of the twin relationship is something that I can understand very clearly since not only am I twin myself (albeit a fraternal twin which is very different than identical twins) but I am now the mother of fraternal twin girls, so this relationship is now more fascinating to me than ever. I now see so clearly why my twin and I are so very close, not only did we share a womb, but then we shared a room and everything else after that until we were in high school.

I see my own twin girls sit on the couch and when they do, they always sit right next to each other with their shoulders touching. Their physical closeness is something that starts so young and continues through adult hood but there are so many interesting tid bits I got from this book since the author interviewed hundreds of sets of twins to dissect their relationships in order to understand this bond more clearly and things like separating twins earlier in their lives in school and in social relationships rang so true for me and my own experience and the mistake in letting others compare the twins and try to "label them" was so interesting for me.

[Nicole · Rating 2 out of 5]

The biggest problem with this book is the author cannot decide if it is a memoir about her and her twin sister or a scholarly look at the subject of twins. She see-saws back and forth between "Robin and I" stories and objective reporting. Further, she admits that she started her research by simply asking friends and neighbors to suggest twins to interview. As such, most of her subjects (and many of her experts)are Ivy-League-educated, wealthy, Jewish Manhattanites, a pretty select group to base generalizations about "everyone's struggle to be singular".
I'm a twin (of course, right? Who else is going to read a book about twins besides twins and, maybe, their parents?)and I was amazed at how dysfunctional many of Pogrebin's subject were, how few have separate identities from their twins, and how their "twinness" interfered with relationships. (My hunch is that Pogrebin focused on these unusual twins because their extreme identification with their siblings makes for a "better" book.) I was frustrated with Pogrebin's chapters on separation and twins reared apart. At times, she reports that separated twins are more alike than those raised together, then she states that, no, they are as alike as those raised together. Either way, she doesn't say in what ways they are alike (or more alike). Are we talking the twins reared apart share coincidental eating preferences (both Joe and John love Chinese food, but hate Mexican!) or deeper personality traits (both Joe and John are extremely shy). Pogregin doesn't specify.
The book isn't completely without merit. The chapters about the Lord brothers, whose bond helped them endure tragedy, and sisters Pearl and Helen, eighty-six-year-old Auschwitz survivors who were used in Menegele's twin studies, show how much twins can depend on and support each other. Save time and just read those chapters

[Nancy · Rating 4 out of 5]

"My life as an identical twin and what I've learned about everyone's struggle to be singular": Doesn't that sound like a memoir? Abigail Pogrebin tricked me! But I am okay with it, even though One And The Same is more sociology than memoir. I like sociology, too.

Oh, twins are so, so interesting. I love twins! Turns out, everyone else does too! (Except, sometimes, their twins) Pogrebin has written a fascinating book about the inner lives of twins; she interviewed loving pairs, hating pairs, pairs with genetic diseases (dude, SO SAD), and her own family - especially her more private twin, Robin. The relationship of Abigail to Robin - not quite the same as the relationship of Robin to Abigail - is the heart and foundation of the book, though it only occupies perhaps a fourth of the content. I was particularly interested by the examination of marriage among identical twins; the concept that the intimacy of being deeply known is something that twins have had all along, and may not really be seeking in marriage, was a new idea for me. Oddly disturbing too, but it made a lot of sense.

I had a strong impression (perhaps she even said so) that Pogrebin was hoping to resolve the somewhat strained relationship with her own twin through the writing of this book - and I was left, at the end, with the same rather sad feeling that came through at the beginning. But still, a lovely book which left me thinking hard about what seems a universal desire for someone who is, if not a twin, is somehow like a twin.

[Anne · Rating 4 out of 5]

The world is fascinated with, if not a little creeped out by identical twins. When I found out that our twin girls were identical, I admit I had a little bit of a panic attack. On the one hand, it seemed like such a special bond - I hoped (and still do) that they will forever have a connection that only they can understand. But, on the other hand, I wanted to be sure that they developed a world outside themselves. I wondered how much they would be the same and how much of an effort I'd have to make to ensure that their differences were recognized and celebrated. This book addresses all those issues. It is written by an identical twin about all aspects of identical twinship. There are examples of the twins who always dress alike and live together, well into adulthood - and there are the examples of the twins who move apart and get married, but always retain their close bond. In between there are the tragic stories of twins lost, of the brutal competition and ever-ending comparisons, of the fight to be an individual, and the constant push and pull of one twin who wants to break apart while the other is fighting to stay together. I appreciated the breadth of subject matter in this book - and of course, the first-hand perspective and honesty of the author. A very interesting read that I will probably come back to as my girls continue to grow and figure out their own relationships with each other and the world around them.

[Zoe · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a really great book for people wanting to know more about twins. It could be for twins or people who are trying to understand the relationship of twins that are in their life whether parent or friend. I think this is a great coming of age book for any twin and I am glad that I read this as a Junior because it is very important in thinking about colleges and futures either separate or together. In this book, Abigail, the author who is also a twin, goes in depth about all the research and studies about twin relationships all while analyzing her own relationship with her own twin. She also has tons of interviews of different experiences of different pairs of twins. She does not tell you what to think about the information but just says it plain, how it is. Through the interviews and personal stories she is able to make it lively and story like, not just another non-fiction book. It could be slow at times but overall I really liked it because I like what it made me realize about my relationship with my twin and also made separating for college maybe not so bad? This is a definite read for anyone interested in twins.

[Sadie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. Especially the chapter called Twin Shock 101. It described perfectly the roller-coaster of having newborn twins home, some of the issues with prematurity and the guilt of having a hard time with it all despite the babies being so wanted. One of my favorite lines, "Premature babies are small, not social, not nice. They do not smile so soon as others and it's hard to interact with them. They don't know how to give cues to the environment like a full-term baby when they are hungry or they are wet. And the whole day they are crying. The couple have ow become parents early- earlier than they prepared themselves Not only that they are saying to themselves, 'Even this-the birth itself-we couldn't do normally." (135).

And about a million other things in this chapter. Great book I read it in one sitting.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book tore me up. It offers great insight into twins and came highly recommend by a fellow parent of twins. Pogrebin is an identical twin and interviews a vast array of twins in an effort to explore, explain, and help others and herself understand this unique relationship. She writes the book through a lens of her own twin-ship and the intimacy here pulls you in. I read it with deep nostalgia?...a happy sadness?...because it portrayed this amazing relationship my girls can potentially have, but it also hints at the problems that could be on our horizon. But I definitely feel better for having read it, and the advice for parents is taken to heart.

[Susan Yount · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book in an attempt to help my identical twins manage their frustration... they would like to be themselves like everyone else but others constantly view them as a unit, confuse them, etc. No one is ill intended but it’s a struggle for them nonetheless. I haven’t read a ton of books on twins past the time they were young, but I’ve done many google searches in my attempt to help them navigate things, and this book was better than every google search combined. A very unique look at twinship from the inside out, which is very helpful for any parent trying to help their kids navigate things.

[Jack · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm almost done listening to this book, and I've found it difficult to take my headphones off when I need to. My only wish is that the author herself had narrated the audio book.

This book is beautifully, candidly written, and it examines all kinds of perspectives (even her own). I'm interested in the form - part memoir, part journalistic exploration - and would love to see how it's presented in page format. Between the case studies are conversations between Abigail and her twin Robin that are frankly fascinating.

[Catherine · Rating 3 out of 5]

Although not a parenting book, it very much felt like one due to my circumstances. And it reminded me why I don’t like parenting books - they stress me out. It was definitely a good read but lagged in the 3 of 4 quarters. Definitely thought provoking, again for my circumstances, about things I should be conscientious of. Here’s to saving for my children’s therapy bills.

[Melissa Dally · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author herself is an identical twin. She travels the county collecting the stories of other identical twins and their relationships. As well as she explores her relationship with her twin, Robin. I read Isabelle a few excerpts about how Abigail feels about identical twinship and Isabelle feels very much like that is so. It's a beautifully intimate relationship for a lot of twins. More so than any of us could imagine and sometimes I try. As close as I am to my husband, my sister,my best friends. It will never be like what my twin daughters have. It's beautiful and I love that they can have this, even if sometimes it makes them fight intensely with each other. They love and trust and know each other so completely. They knew each other before they ever even knew me, their Mama.

If you have twins, are a twin, know twins and have ever tried to imagine how they feel knowing somebody who looks just like them and has the exact same parents and upbringing, you will find this really fascinating. It even covers the POV of a set of identical twins adopted by separate families and reared apart.

I do hope they find spouses someday who are respectful of twinship. I read that this isn't always so and sometimes the spouses are jealous and interfere with the twins' relationship with each other.

Often, when I think about it, it blows my mind when I remember that Rayanne and Isabelle began their existence as a single being. For the first week or so of their lives, they were a single entity. What must it be like to start that way and now be two?

[Cheryl Gatling]

Abigail Pogrebin is an identical twin who has some issues with her twinship. As children, she and her twin, Robin, were constant companions. Now that they are grown up, Robin has pulled away somewhat. Abigail wants more of Robin. Robin wants less of Abigail. Abigail's personal struggle to accept and understand her sister's needs was the impetus for the writing of this book. Abigail questions, What does it mean to be a twin? She interviews lots and lots of twins. She interviews fertility specialists, psychologists, parents of twins, pretty much anyone who has anything to do with the study of twins. Some of the twins were closer. Some were more distant from each other. I think the author's sympathy lies with the twins who have a mysterious bond. Reading those passages, I was reminded of the animal familiars from the His Dark Materials book. When a person was separated from his animal familiar by more than a small distance, both experienced an unbearable pain, and if permanently separated, they would die. The interviews with twins who had lost a twin to death were particularly moving. There is some science here. There are some "fun facts." But mostly there are people talking about what being a twin has been like for them. The subtitle ("What I've Learned About Everyone's Struggle to Be Singular") is, I think, a trick to make this book sound more relevant to the general population. But it is not about everyone's struggle to be singular. It is about twins, twins, twins. And that's all right.

[Joanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

After having 3 "singletons", my husband and I had identical twin daughters. It was hard at first, having five children under the age of 10! At that time the only book I could find about twins talked about the importance of getting twin babies on the same schedule so mom could put her feet up at the same time every day to have a cup of tea, HA! That wasn't any help! What an adventure and privilege and JOY it has been to raise twins! But all the along the way I have craved a book that would give us advice on how best to "do" this. Life got easier, but even as our twins went off to different colleges, there was the challenge that they missed each other terribly so that one of them dropped out of school for a semester, I finally found Abigail's book seeking more insight. My husband and I strongly desired to teach our twin daughters to celebrate the gift of their twin-ness! But we encouraged uniqueness and celebrated their differences along the way too. To read about what it felt like to be identical to someone else all her life, and the ups and downs of learning to separate was so interesting to me as a mother of twins. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND this book to parents of twins. In her exhaustive research, Ms. Pogrebin found a variety of twin relationships, that weren't what I expected to be typical. Still I read the book cover to cover and found it helpful and encouraging.
I'd still like a book from the perspective of the parent some day.

[A · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very informative and yet engrossing read. Obviously, as a mother of identical twins, the information was particularly fascinating and applicable. I am grateful for this book, as I had questions about how much and when and why I should separate my twins. And if only that question was answered, I would feel that it was worth the read, but there was so much more to it than that. Pogrebin is very candid and honest, as are the twins she interviewed, and I feel like I can see into their minds just a little bit better. There are challenges and there are extraordinarily special things about the relationship between twins. One thing is for sure, it is a beautiful relationship, more intimate perhaps than any other relationship than can be experienced in many, many ways.

I would recommend this book to anyone who has twins, identical or fraternal, or who wants to understand their friends or relatives who are twins a little bit better. And I would recommend this to anyone who just finds the subject fascinating. Pogrebin is an excellent writer. It's easy to keep the pages turning. My one warning is that you will find the "F" word a handful of times in the text, as Pogrebin interviews twins and records their answers verbatim. That being said, I am very sensitive to language, and still felt this was a valuable read.

[Mandie · Rating 4 out of 5]

My identical girls (part of triplets) were about 4 when I read this book. I wanted to hear another person's opinion on how it was to grow up a twin, in the hopes that I save my kids from years of therapy doing what I think is best, but finding I'm more harmful than helpful.

The author tells the story of her sister and her lives intertwined throughout educational bits of different researchers, papers, and events. She obviously did her homework, as she has extensive interviews with twins and professionals alike, both of which offer significant insight into why they became who they are in adulthood. Her writing was at times funny, sorrowful, thoughtful, but never once did she pass hurtful judgement on any one person for their personal beliefs or doctorate work.

I found it to be a fascinating read; it wasn't amazing, but it wasn't boring either, and it really did give me a lift of my mom-guilt for having to care for 4 kids aged between 4 and 6, and to know that I'm not going to damage them too badly. ;)

Bottom line, I'd highly recommend it for moms of identical twins who are young; moms with older twins might already have children mature and grown enough to see how their kids are shaping up. If you're just looking for a light read, go with something else. This is fairly twin-club specific.

[Lauren Little Bear · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this book was really interesting because it explored the deep connection twins have. Me being a twin myself, I found it cool to learn more about other pairs of twins. I liked how they interviewed lots of different twins and how it showed that every relationship was different. The only thing I disliked about this book was that it was almost exclusively about identical twins. As a fraternal twin, I found it a little more difficult to relate to all that was being said. The book was also a little slow with long chapters, but overall a pretty good read. I read this for a book club with my twin sister and mom, so it will be interesting to hear their thoughts about this book. I think if you are a twin, (especially an identical twin), this book is an engaging read! It could even be interesting for people wanting to know more about twins because of all the research and facts that were added into this book. All in all, I did like this book, it just wasn’t AS relatable as I had hoped it would be!

[Elizabeth7781 · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book started off very good for me, about the joy of twinship. But then there was a large section on twins who have not had a good life experience. As one twin put it - you always have a measuring stick next to you - for life. I found that section so depressing I put this book down for a long time. When I picked it back up over the holidays, the last section was on 'twinless twins' - those who have lost their twin. Psychologists have compared the death of a twin as akin to if not greater than the death of a spouse. As one twin said - you can find another husband/wife. You cannot find another twin. Psychologists are just starting the groundbreaking exploration of prenatal mental awareness of twinship. Do twins recognize one another in the womb? They knew each other before their mother. It was an interesting book, and made me grateful for today and the blessing of the deep and intense love I share with my twin sister.

[Margaret · Rating 5 out of 5]

Yes, add this book to my fascination with twins. So interesting to have another lens into this experience. Very interesting how now being a mother, to a singleton, has changed the way I look at the twin experience - well from the parents point of view. Though I suppose not surprising since motherhood has changed the way I look at most things.

I especially enjoyed the way the Pogrebin weaves together the investigation into the different issues with her personal story as an identical twin.

I read this over the summer, but just now posting. Last week I watched the documentary Three Identical Strangers. If you are interested (obsessed!) like me with multiples that's a great film to watch. I was surprised (because I have no memory of having done so) and delighted to see in my Goodreads history that I'd ready Lawrence's (the journalist who's in the film) book about twins. Fascinating and scarry how memory works and doesn't work.

[Rena Cobrinik · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful book. Pogrebin uses Medical, social historical references and research to reveal a fascinating world, its advantages and its difficulties, the pluses: closeness ( immediate understanding, support ( together crucial in surviving the holocaust) medical contributions (exact DNA--always a match)blood, bone-marrow..life saving. The minuses :twin-bond is stronger than marriage partner- bond, people-speaking to or confiding to the unintended twin, mistaken, always seen as a pair.
Pogrebin is an identical twin--"One and the Same" is also a personal story which focuses on the overwhelming struggle for individuation. I became more aware of the need for individuation even when one is not a twin.
In the book Pogrebin and her sister evaluate their twin relationship and how one twin worked hard to find herself as separate. As independent adults, the twins were shocked to realize that neither had ever been alone with a parent.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would recommend this book to twins, parents and friends of twins, or anyone who's ever wondered what it would be like to be a twin. The author, Abigail Pogrebin, discusses the evolving relationship she has experienced with her identical twin sister, and also interviews several other twins to explore the unique joys and challenges of having a "double".

As a twin myself, I enjoyed finding some of my own thoughts about being a twin given voice in the stories of other twins. I especially connected with the chapter on the football-playing Barber twins and their twin-first mentality. Although the later chapters on twins dealing with tragedy or death were difficult to read, I thought they were a powerful affirmation of the bond that many twins have.

[Jeannette · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you're a parent of twins or a twin yourself, this is a must-read. The author is an identical twin and the book's focus is really on identicals, but with some research/stories about fraternals. Abby (author) had a great relationship with her sister while growing up, but they've drifted as adults. I was mostly interested in the competitiveness angle of being an identical. She covers this, but because she never experienced it herself, I found the chapter weak. Still... it was an insightful look as to how twins may view themselves with lots of interviews with identicals and interesting research. The last chapter about the twin sisters who survived tests by Dr. Mengele during the Holocaust was really good.

[Tamara Taylor · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book and found it very interesting. The author looks at "twinship" from so many different angles including love, loss, separation and estrangement. I appreciated her input as an identical twin as it lent an air of authenticity to her opinions. Some of the subject matter (death of a twin, twins lost in 9-11, the Holocaust, genetic diseases) were difficult to read, but I feel the book would not be complete without them. One of the things I appreciated most about this book was that the majority of the info was about identical twins. Most books I've looked at focus more on the majority of twins (fraternal). As an expectant mom of twins I appreciated this informative and thought provoking read.