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Mass Market Paperback
First published February 12, 1987





Perhaps they are right, those who pretend there are harps in heaven. Maybe flutes and violins too. But I’m sure there are no accordions, just as I’m sure there’s no green cowshit that smells of wild garlic. The accordion was made for life on this earth, the left hand marking the bass and the heartbeats, the arms and shoulders labouring to make breath, and the right hand fingering for hopes!
If I’d been told as a child what the life of an adult is like, I wouldn’t have believed it. I’d never have believed it could be so unfinished. When young we lend so much authority and sureness to our elders.
There was the cow bedded down, and there was Félix seated on a stool, beneath the one dim electric light bulb, an accordion between his arms. For the rest I couldn’t believe my eyes. Lulu, you’re seeing things, I told myself. Félix was alone! Not another soul in the stable, playing to the fucking cows! He can play though, Félix can.
Suppose he finds an old maid—he’ll say to himself: there must be something the matter with her, nobody else wanted her. Suppose he finds a woman who’s divorced—he’ll say: she did wrong by one man, she may do the same to me. Suppose he finds a widow—he’ll say: she’s been a wife once, it’s my farm she’s after! … Suppose he finds a young woman, he’ll say to himself—and who knows? he might be right—he’ll say to himself: in a year or so she’s going to cuckold me as sure as day follows night.
What is it that men have and women don’t and which is hard and long?
Tell us! demanded the boys.
Military service!
Do you know what hell is?
Do you?
Hell is where bottles have two holes and women have none.