I think one of the reasons I liked this book was because it was short. Not to say it's bad, but I'm really not in the mood to read longer books.
So this book is about this kid who is quite literally "not like the other kids" in his weird school, because they're all stocky and short, but he's all tall and willowy. (He's also fourteen and 6 feet tall, what the heck, such a freak.)
The weird school he was put in is called "The Foundry", and from what little is mentioned of its classes, it seems like the kind of school that takes in orphans and teaches them the things that are pretty important, but it's for all the jobs that no one wants, like clearing out a sewer. (Other classes include "Extrication of Mold and Fungus", "Bottle Cap Production" and "Infinite Uses for Ball Bearings", all of which sound very odd.)
But don't worry - the story barely focuses on the school, because plot. Instead, we learn about Edward's itch. His terrible, unbearable, never-ending, itch. He's tried everything to make that one weird spot on his back stop itching, but nothing works. It's just one more thing that makes him an outcast.
I bet you'll never guess why he has that itch. It's definitely not the title of the book. Nope.
So he got in trouble with one of the people at the Foundry that make a point of not liking him, a dude named John Grudgel (or something like that), whose nickname is "Grudge", which is really something that was gonna happen anyway with a name like "Grudgel".
They were about to get into a fight when Edward realized that he straight up didn't have a chance. He was tall for sure, but he didn't have the muscle to add to a potentially threatening posture. All he had was a ridiculous stutter and an old deck of cards. And apparently the ability to move things with his mind. But only once.
Seriously though, I thought that was odd. The summary made it seem like he had this weird history of things moving unexplainably around him, kinda like the series of unfortunate events that surrounded and kinda defined Percy Jackson (yknow the cannon and the aquarium and that one time when he was in day care or something and strangled a snake, or when he swore that some weird dude in a trench coat was following him, and he had only one eye in the center of his forehead, because some weird dude following you around a playground isn't weird or creepy enough?), but no. He made a bookshelf shift a bunch so that it nearly fell on Grudge, and then he freaked out and it stopped. And then it wasn't mentioned again.
Granted, there wasn't exactly an opportunity in the book for him to use that power, but like, the summary seriously overplayed that.
As far as the characters in this story, there is Edward, Mr. Spines, a rude dude named Whiplash Scruggs, Artemis, Sariel, and Jackal.
Mr Spines, Artemis, and Sariel are (or were, I don't remember) part of a group of people called "Guardians", and Whiplash and Jackal are "Grounders".
Something happened with Jackal, who is the bad guy and also seems to be pretty old. He's also kinda the reason that this entire story is happening. Thanks Jackal.
Basically, it seems to be one of those "fell from grace" stories, where he was once a pretty solid dude, and then he got mean and was chucked out of the great place that was really great. And in the process, he fucked up some shit and now stuff is wrecked, but there is a prophecy that foretells of this one person who will have to fix everything (usually within a time limit because stress) or everything and everyone that they've ever known or cared about will be eliminated, and they will probably die an excruciating death.
In this case, the great place that's really great is called the Woodbine, I think. There seems to be multiple levels of this place that have difference aspects of something it wasn't explained.
By the way, there seems to be some kind of broken friendship between Mr Spines and Whiplash, which is actually covered by Whiplash himself, conveniently. Basically they were both really good at making things, and it was great. But then Jackal was like "Hey I like what Spines is doing better than Whiplash, so Imma go with him", and Whiplash got hella triggered and stopped being friends with Spines. Spines' side of the story isn't mentioned at all, because I guess he has better things to think about than a friendship that went sour.
Part of the stuff that is taking up Mr Spines' time are the two Guardians that he's kinda taking care of, Sariel and Artemis. They're constantly bickering (but I stg that if they end up in some kind of relationship by the end of the series I'm gonna yeet myself into the stratosphere because that trope is bad and overdone!!!!!), and it's dumb.
The other part of the stuff that Mr Spines has to deal with is Edward, and making sure nothing bad happens to him, because he's pretty important.
Thing is, Edward is sufficiently wigged out by all the crazy shit that has happened to him in what seems to be that course of a day max (it seems like the book itself takes place over the course of three days, a week max, but that's pacing I guess), and he doesn't trust Mr Spines, who looks like a terrifying meld of a porcupine and a human, or his weird accomplices, who look like a weasel (Sariel) and a green toad with wings (Artemis). And it's rightly so, in my opinion.
I mean, around this time, he just sprouted wings out of his back, but not before being put in a gross cellar space with Grudge while they waited for Whiplash (who they thought was a teacher) to get after them for starting a fight, but then he whipped out these scissors and just ??? snipped them??? I dunno, but it just seemed like he brought them out, and their mere presence made Edward get this huge intense pain, but Whippy didn't do anything??
Then he did do something. He whipped out a whip and sizzle-smacked Grudge's hands enough to get welts, but not to bleed. After Edward woke up (because he passed out in the presence of these scissors), he put impromptu bandages on Grudge and was like "aight we gotta go", and that's where his deck of cards comes in.
He basically uses them as a way to calm down and strategize, which is cool. There isn't any explanation as to why these cards are important to him, or where he got them, or anything, but it is mentioned that he can make really cool card towers with them, so that's nice I guess.
He devises a way to get out, but only Grudge is able to escape (and apparently go on to pursue dentistry in Fiji after his incident with Edward, according to the glossary), and Edward had to deal with Whippy playing out his ultimate "cat and mouse" fantasy.
Nah. But imagine how weird that would be. Actually I'd rather not. Anyway.
So Spines and crew show up to rescue Edward (who probably passed out again I think, because he wings sprouted. Which seems incredibly painful, just to have wings break through your skin all the sudden. Ow. (and it wouldn't even be nice and convenient like in acotar where they just vanished their wings if it was too cold for their poor dumb sensitive-as-fuck wings when they live in a winter climate they should be USED TO THAT but anyway I've digressed.)
Next thing Edward knows, he's in this boujee feckin train car with Mr Spines and Crew, and he doesn't trust any of them, which, like I said, I can totally get. It makes sense. Especially because they won't tell him anything, and he isn't assertive enough (at least not at that moment) to demand what is going on.
I genuinely appreciate how Edward isn't just like "Raghh you're gonna tell me everything I want to know and by the end of this train ride we're gonna be friends but when we get off I'm gonna get separated because of course and I'm gonna run into Whippy and he's gonna be all 'haha gotchu' and I'll be like 'nah i know the whole story' but then he brings up something that you didn't tell me and then I'll be completely infuriated and the majority of this story will be me being an insolent asswipe who is sarcastic enough for everyone to want to snap my neck and you'll refuse to tell me because you 'want me to figure it out myself' but I'm being a bitch so nothing gets done and then a love interest is copy and pasted in the story and suddenly it's the end of the book with almost nothing being accomplished", because that's just really not in his character.
Instead, he fakes sleeping and tried to figure out a way to escape from these people that he has little reason to trust. Then when he has the chance to escape, he does, and suddenly he's out in the world of Los Angeles in the 1920s. (Oh yeah, it takes place in the 1920s. There aren't a lot of things in the story that are time-specific, so it was really easy to forget that. The only mentions were the Model Ts that putted around every so often, but really there was nothing to keep you from forgetting the time.)
So eventually he nabs a trenchcoat to cover his wings, and he finds a train car to sleep in for the night. And he's woken up the next morning by two people who end up revealing another layer of Edward's weirdness. To keep it short, they tricked him into going with them with the promise of food (he was quite hungry), but then it turned out that, oh no! they're bad guys! and he can't defend himself well, until this weird word pops into his head (it's "Histalek"), and he says it, and then he shoots lightning out of his hands, and they fly back.
While all that's happening, Mr Spines is like "Well feck" and he has to sing a tracking song, which furthers this weird corruption that Jackal put on something that had to do with magic and Guardians. What it means mainly for Mr Spines, is that he steadily looks more like a porcupine, and all those bad emotions and thoughts that turned Jackal into a rude dude fester in him while he makin magic.
But he manages to finish the spell, which is in the form of a centaur. He tells Sariel and Artemis to go with the centaur, but he's feckin wasted so he doesn't.
The centaur finds Edward freaked out with the oogaly booglies trying to get him, but the centaur shoots them and grabs Edward and leaves to a designated area.
At the designated area there is apparently this machine that allows Guardians to travel between Earth and the Woodbine (I think), and Sariel and Artemis are like "hey no don't touch that" but he figures out how to use it, just as Whippy shows up to capture him. He speeds off to the Woodbine, where he is left on top of a mountain, I guess, then he nearly drowns but is fished up by a Guardian who used to operate in England. (Did you need that information? Not really. Neither did I, but it could be worse.)
The Guardian takes him to a pub-like place, where he lives, and he and a friend are basically like "hey beech who is you and why you here" and Edward's like "I have literally no idea", but then he learns about his mom, who is dead.
Now, for the entire book up til now, all that was said about his mom was that she died. It didn't say how, it didn't describe any particular memory that Edward held onto, other than vague things that he took for granted, like warm food. It didn't say how she died, it barely mentioned what was up with his dad. But at this point, we learn that his mom had cancer, and he basically got to sit there and watch her succumb to it. After that he was given to his aunt, who was convinced by Whippy (or one of his minions) to transfer him into the Foundry.
We also learn that Edward's mom (her name is Sarah Jane Macleod) was super powerful, and fought to keep her son away from all that wacky Woodbine stuff. She also (according to the glossary) was the first mortal to marry a fallen Guardian, who is probably Mr Spines, because there was one part where it mentioned that he had a ring on his finger and that the corruption he was going through was kinda because of that, but he didn't regret it at all, which I find nice but also dumb.
Naturally, Edward is kinda shook to find that out, but it gives him new determination to help these weirdos. The book ends with him triumphantly fluffing his wings, which he somehow figured out how to move, at some point in this mess. (Maybe I'm a special idiot, but I feel like it'd take me a while to figure out how to move a whole new body part that just sprouted out of me a few days prior but whatever.)
Oh and he also talked to a pretty girl named Bridgette and that made him bloosh.
In general, I thought it was a pretty cool book, and I'll probably continue reading the series. Hopefully I won't end up eating my words.