When I am awake I read Don Quixote. How much we need you, errant knight, today! My head is bursting from all the complaints. In Annopol all the unemployed and homeless Jews were thrown out of the public shelters. I now have to cope with four small towns, the hospitals, orphanages, Annopol, and on top of it all, the mentally ill. My head is spinning.
—Nov. 15, 1939
A lady singer occupies an apartment just below us. She was in love with a fellow actor. During an air raid a bomb tore out his guts. With her own hands she pushed them back. Then she drove him to the hospital where he died. He was buried in a common grave. She dug him up and reburied him in a private plot.
—Jan. 10, 1940
At 10 a meeting of the Municipal Relief Committee. The Gestapo expressed sympathy with my fate.
—Mar. 16, 1940
Not long ago I had a visit from a lawyer, B. He listened patiently to my negative opinion of those Jews who run away, or are about to emigrate, about the Jewish activists, like Koerner, who moreover promised hypocritically that they will send us assistance from abroad (money). He kept on nodding his head in genial approval and in the end declared that he himself wanted to emigrate, mainly to render us assistance.
—May 11, 1940
I am reading Proust's Within a Budding Grove. He says: "According to the Japanese, victory belongs to an antagonist who knows who to suffer one quarter of an hour longer."
—May 28, 1940
I read about the Brezsc Affair last night [the illegal detention and brutal treatment of the opposition by the prewar Pilsudski regime]. We too are capable of such things.
—June 1, 1940
An inspection of the Brijus TB sanitaruium and later of Zofiowka. I notice in Zofiowka the woman troublemaker who cost us 100,000 zlotys; adult lunatics and children. One child in a straitjacket to prevent self-injury, the face covered with flies. Another one is scratching wounds on his head. A female singer in bed executes some operatic arias; she used to perform in Italy. Other women by the piano were playing and singing; I joined them. Sombody built himself a tombstone in a cemetery with his name carved on it. It is to this address that he would direct his creditors.
—July 20, 1940
All things considered, one may carry the cross, but not drag it.
—July 21, 1940
A child Z. was given a little desk to cheer him up. He liked it and was quite elated but before the day was over his toy was taken from him.
—Aug. 30, 1940
In the morning at the Community Authority. The number of suicides among the Jews has been greatly increasing during the last months. Not so long ago Frieder and his wife took poison.
—Oct. 10, 1940
Nossig told me about a Jewish mother who abandoned two children on the street, disclaiming to the crowd that they were hers, although they kept on crying, "Mommy!"
—May 2, 1941
The child's mother testified in the presence of the commander of the sanitary column that she had abadoned the corpse because the Community Authority refuses to bury anyone without payment, and that the child had died and she will soon die precisely because she had no food. It was ascertained that the child had indeed died of hunger and the mother's extremities are swollen from starvation.
—July 25, 1941
In the courtyard the same view every evening. Dozens of tenants come down for a walk along Stawki Street. There are no gardens. Babies are pushed in their carriages to a 'little garden' on the site of the former Hospital of the Holy Sprit. They sit out there among the ruins of the bombed-out hospital.
—July 29, 1941
In the evening my wife was visited by Mrs. Werfel and later by Anka Lew. They both managed to upset my wife in no time, speculating about the fate of our children. Having realized what chagrin she was causing my wife, she began to console her. She stated that she herself was in the same predicament (in fact, her situation was somewhat better than ours). Early in the morning I was informed that at 3 a.m. she had jumped out of a fourth floor window.
—Sept. 15, 1941
A little child said today: "I do not yet wear the armband, but when I grow up I will wear one." A fine portent.
—Oct. 11, 1941
Watching some people I come to the conclusion that life is too short to enable them to reveal the whole gamut of their stupidity and malice.
—Feb. 6, 1942
Many people hold a grudge against me for organizing play activity for the children, for arranging festive openings of playgrounds, for the music, etc. I am reminded of a film; the ship is sinking and the captain, to raise the spirits of the passengers, orders the orchestra to play a jazz piece. I had made up my mind to emulate the captain.
—July 8, 1942
Eight hundred deportees were brought here during the night. Small children, babies, women. The sight would break my heart, had it not been hardened by three years of misery.
—July 9, 1942
Incredible panic in the city. Kohn, Heller, and Ehrlich are spreading terrifying rumors, creating the impression that it is all false propaganada. I wish it were so. On the other hand, there is talk about 40 railroad cars ready and waiting. It transpired that 20 of them have been prepared on SS orders for 720 workers leaving tomorrow for a camp.
—July 19, 1942
We were told that all Jews irrespective of sex and age will be deported to the East. By 4 p.m. a contingent of 6,000 people must be provided. And this will be the daily quota. . . . The most tragic dilemma is the problem of children in orphanages etc. I raised this issue -- perhaps something can be done. . . . Sturmbannfuehrer Holfe asked me into his office and informed me that for the time being my wife was free, but if the deportation were impeded in any way, she would be the first one to be shot as a hostage.
—July 22, 1942
I can no longer bear all this. My act will prove to everyone what is the right thing to do.
—July 23, 1942
They demand me to kill children of my nation with my own hands. I have nothing to do but die.
—July 23, 1942, suicide note to his wife