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Fatty Batter: How Cricket Saved My Life
This hilarious story of one man's lifelong obsession with cricket takes readers from the early awkward days as a fat boy growing up in a Brighton sweet shop to his years running a team of dysfunctional inadequates still chasing the sweet spot. In this story, cricket offers a shelter from life's irksome realities and a place in which to quietly dream. That place is a peculiarly English arcadia of occasional wondrous beauty, forests of comforting statistics and the endless life-affirming rituals of defeat, humiliation and disappointment—the perfect net practice for life.
320 pages, Paperback
First published April 1, 2007
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 34 reviews
October 12, 2019
Consider the following questions:
1. In all the years since you first picked up a cricket bat, do you still remember with a thrill the occasion when you actually got to the pitch of a friendly half-volley, and just for once the ball didn't dribble a few humiliating yards toward mid-on or loop gently into the hands of backward point, but rocketed through extra-cover for four?
2. In all the years since you first picked up a cricket ball, do you still remember with a thrill the occasion when you pitched one just outside off and it turned in just enough to go through the gate of the hopeless incompetent at the far end to bowl him middle-and-off?
3. Does the single, unadorned phrase "eight for forty-three" unfailingly send you into a long and blissful reverie involving two rather mad, staring eyes under a shock of curly hair and Ray Bright's middle stump lying flat on the Headingley turf?
If the answer to all of these is "yes," then you are me and probably ought to seek psychiatric help. However, if the questions have any meaning to you, whatever the answers, then you will enjoy this book hugely, as I did. It is the story of one semi-competent cricketer's love for the game from the first stirrings of interest through to an adult obsession which many, many people will recognise. It is beautifully written, hilariously funny - I literally cried with laughter several times - and very, very touching in places.
Highly, highly recommended to anyone who has ever played cricket at any level whatsoever. A fantastically enjoyable book.
1. In all the years since you first picked up a cricket bat, do you still remember with a thrill the occasion when you actually got to the pitch of a friendly half-volley, and just for once the ball didn't dribble a few humiliating yards toward mid-on or loop gently into the hands of backward point, but rocketed through extra-cover for four?
2. In all the years since you first picked up a cricket ball, do you still remember with a thrill the occasion when you pitched one just outside off and it turned in just enough to go through the gate of the hopeless incompetent at the far end to bowl him middle-and-off?
3. Does the single, unadorned phrase "eight for forty-three" unfailingly send you into a long and blissful reverie involving two rather mad, staring eyes under a shock of curly hair and Ray Bright's middle stump lying flat on the Headingley turf?
If the answer to all of these is "yes," then you are me and probably ought to seek psychiatric help. However, if the questions have any meaning to you, whatever the answers, then you will enjoy this book hugely, as I did. It is the story of one semi-competent cricketer's love for the game from the first stirrings of interest through to an adult obsession which many, many people will recognise. It is beautifully written, hilariously funny - I literally cried with laughter several times - and very, very touching in places.
Highly, highly recommended to anyone who has ever played cricket at any level whatsoever. A fantastically enjoyable book.
June 25, 2017
'Fatty Batter' is an hilarious story of one man's lifelong obsession with cricket and takes readers from his early awkward days as a fat boy growing up in a Brighton sweet shop to his years running a team of dysfunctional inadequates still chasing cricketing glory in the twilights of their careers.
As a chubby youngster living over his dad's sweet shop he spent many hours playing "Owzthat" (I still own a set), a cricketing game played with two lozenge-shaped metal rollers, one representing the batsman and one the bowler. This was necessary for he was not very good at games and when it came to selecting teams in the school playground he was always the last to be picked.
As he grew slightly older, he advanced from "Owzthat" to playing cricket in his dad's shop when custom was slack and he learnt to play drives into such as the love hearts, akin, to say, cover, the chocolate display, perhaps akin to square leg and other such exotic locations. He even graduated to having his dad bowl at him in the park but he still wasn't a great success ... but he was determined.
However, as he got older he improved and attended nets at Sussex where former Sussex player Les Lenham coached him and tacitly advised him to look elsewhere for his enjoyment. However, he persevered, despite his bizarre bowling action that prompts many a laugh, improved (to a degree) and he eventually organised his own team, for a least he was guaranteed a game when he was in charge! He named them 'The Harry Baldwins' after he had seen a photograph of a Victorian cricketer with a thick waistline who was pulling up his large-size whites.
Not surprisingly he became a regular in the side and his attempts at making sure that he had eleven players each game are hilarious and, for those of us who have organised such sporting teams, very true to life. On one classic occasion he even had film director Sam Mendes, a more than useful club cricketer, guesting for him in one game and Mendes went on to score a century and take five wickets in 'The Baldwins' win.
That particular story reminds me of when we, as a football team, once played a season's cricket and in one game we had a player who was a professional for a league side because he was on our books and playing football for us at the time. The game was 20 overs a-side and each of 10 players had to bowl two overs; well, some of our footballers could not bowl so the opposition batsmen smashed them all round the field and totalled over 200. They thought it was hilarious when the ball was flying to all parts of the ground. But it was not so hilarious to them when our demon batsman, a certain Ray Berry, went to the wicket and smote them all round the ground for a magnificent, and huge, century to give us an easy victory! As sometimes happened with the Baldwins, drinks taken after the match were downed in a stony silence!
How the author kept his relationship going while running the team is a heck of a question for he was more often than not in dire straits with domestic arrangements after the match when things did not go according to plan. But his relationship somehow survived, as he sweet talked his partner into accepting his often pathetic and hilarious excuses.
The stories are legion and often provoke laugh-out-loud reaction, particularly when one can empathise so easily with what is going on. Having spent my life around cricket fields, it is easy for me to put myself in his situation, especially when he talks about people that I mixed with in my cricketing time. One story relates to a particular friend of mine, Andy Babington of Sussex and Gloucestershire fame, and although I desist from telling it because of its content, I can imagine Babs saying what he did!
Michael Simkins has us believe that cricket offers a shelter from life's irksome realities and a place in which to quietly dream while on the other hand somehow trying to keep a grip on reality. It could quite easily be labelled as the perfect net practice for life.
It is a very funny book and one that every cricket lover or player, however serious, should read. I feel sure they would all enjoy it immensely.
As a chubby youngster living over his dad's sweet shop he spent many hours playing "Owzthat" (I still own a set), a cricketing game played with two lozenge-shaped metal rollers, one representing the batsman and one the bowler. This was necessary for he was not very good at games and when it came to selecting teams in the school playground he was always the last to be picked.
As he grew slightly older, he advanced from "Owzthat" to playing cricket in his dad's shop when custom was slack and he learnt to play drives into such as the love hearts, akin, to say, cover, the chocolate display, perhaps akin to square leg and other such exotic locations. He even graduated to having his dad bowl at him in the park but he still wasn't a great success ... but he was determined.
However, as he got older he improved and attended nets at Sussex where former Sussex player Les Lenham coached him and tacitly advised him to look elsewhere for his enjoyment. However, he persevered, despite his bizarre bowling action that prompts many a laugh, improved (to a degree) and he eventually organised his own team, for a least he was guaranteed a game when he was in charge! He named them 'The Harry Baldwins' after he had seen a photograph of a Victorian cricketer with a thick waistline who was pulling up his large-size whites.
Not surprisingly he became a regular in the side and his attempts at making sure that he had eleven players each game are hilarious and, for those of us who have organised such sporting teams, very true to life. On one classic occasion he even had film director Sam Mendes, a more than useful club cricketer, guesting for him in one game and Mendes went on to score a century and take five wickets in 'The Baldwins' win.
That particular story reminds me of when we, as a football team, once played a season's cricket and in one game we had a player who was a professional for a league side because he was on our books and playing football for us at the time. The game was 20 overs a-side and each of 10 players had to bowl two overs; well, some of our footballers could not bowl so the opposition batsmen smashed them all round the field and totalled over 200. They thought it was hilarious when the ball was flying to all parts of the ground. But it was not so hilarious to them when our demon batsman, a certain Ray Berry, went to the wicket and smote them all round the ground for a magnificent, and huge, century to give us an easy victory! As sometimes happened with the Baldwins, drinks taken after the match were downed in a stony silence!
How the author kept his relationship going while running the team is a heck of a question for he was more often than not in dire straits with domestic arrangements after the match when things did not go according to plan. But his relationship somehow survived, as he sweet talked his partner into accepting his often pathetic and hilarious excuses.
The stories are legion and often provoke laugh-out-loud reaction, particularly when one can empathise so easily with what is going on. Having spent my life around cricket fields, it is easy for me to put myself in his situation, especially when he talks about people that I mixed with in my cricketing time. One story relates to a particular friend of mine, Andy Babington of Sussex and Gloucestershire fame, and although I desist from telling it because of its content, I can imagine Babs saying what he did!
Michael Simkins has us believe that cricket offers a shelter from life's irksome realities and a place in which to quietly dream while on the other hand somehow trying to keep a grip on reality. It could quite easily be labelled as the perfect net practice for life.
It is a very funny book and one that every cricket lover or player, however serious, should read. I feel sure they would all enjoy it immensely.
February 4, 2019
What is it about the underdog that we all love so much? Painful in its honesty but with wonderful moments of joy and laughter. Sweetshop cricket as a serious sport rings true - after all, who hasn't invented their own complicated indoor games? Simkins perfectly captures the drama and anxiety of running and playing in a 'friendly' cricket team...that nervous first peek at the weather through the curtains. Rain? NO! The endless chasing of competent players for a match, the managing of player expectation, the careful negotiation with a prospective opposition:
"Any club with has the name of an actual town in their name spells trouble. And Old Wokingham has a particularly chilling ring....we prefer teams with names like the Ravers, the Contemptibles, or the Stragglers, names that at least provide a shred of hope by suggesting that they, like us, will be composed of a motley collection of overweight men in various stages of marital breakdown."
His childhood social awkwardness is rather breezily dealt with while his chapter about his mother is beautifully and lovingly written. For cricket lovers and players this is a joyful look at a much loved but perhaps misunderstood pastime.
"Any club with has the name of an actual town in their name spells trouble. And Old Wokingham has a particularly chilling ring....we prefer teams with names like the Ravers, the Contemptibles, or the Stragglers, names that at least provide a shred of hope by suggesting that they, like us, will be composed of a motley collection of overweight men in various stages of marital breakdown."
His childhood social awkwardness is rather breezily dealt with while his chapter about his mother is beautifully and lovingly written. For cricket lovers and players this is a joyful look at a much loved but perhaps misunderstood pastime.
March 27, 2008
Fatty Batter: How Cricket Saved My Life (And Then Ruined It) by Michael Simkins
At the beginning of the year, when I made my New Year's Resolutions and promised to keep a record of the books I had read on this here blog, I wasn't sure what I was going to write. The idea was just to keep a record for me. It wasn't to write a long complicated review, it wasn't really to come up with recommendations - it was just for me, so that I could hit book on the archives and get a list of all I've read this year. That was the plan. It has gone slightly wrong. T'other day I was reprimanded lovingly admonished by Maria for not recommending everyone to go out and buy a book I liked. Well, the fact is I don't have the courage of my convictions. I know what I like and I'm pretty sure that not everyone who reads this (both of you) likes what I like. So from now on I'm just going to mention the books I've read, make a couple of comments about the book (for my interest) and leave it at that. If you want to ask questions about a book feel free to email/comment but if (as I suspect) you just "pass your eyes" over these posts - then "pass away".
Fatty Batter is wonderful!!!!
True, I think you have to be male, born in the '60s (late '50s), like cricket to enjoy it. But if that describes you then this is the book for you! Go out and buy it now!!!
October 5, 2018
Brilliant, very funny book. It had me laughing out loud for the most part, and certain parts, for instance the account of his Mother's final days, are very moving and beautifully written. I'd recommend it to anyone, although knowing a little about cricket would probably improve your enjoyment.
January 26, 2010
Enjoyed a lot. Last part about the Baldwins cricket match make me think I should have written a book about Anselmians - still might. Fantastic book.
March 9, 2025
The topic was fine and I found myself sharing similar outlooks to the author, but it wasn't authentic enough to take at face value, and wasn't funny enough to justify the clearly embellished stories.
Perhaps the two books by Thompson and Berkmann were hard to match, but as Simkins wrote about his interest as a child, a young adult and a grown adult, a lot of the childhood stories felt telegraphed in advance and rather unoriginal as a child who is no good at sport, and the match reports felt like composite reports of different games, with invented elements. The problem was that they just weren't funny enough to justify the creative license, even if they were based on true stories.
One interesting element was that Simkins was not a complete fanatic, he liked cricket but only as an aspect of life rather than being a passion. Reporting on cricket live felt like work, and he only really enjoyed playing with like-minded teammates. I admired the honesty in that respect, rather than overstating his credentials. But too many tales felt like parts of a milquetoast cricket sitcom than genuine, or genuinely funny, anecdotes, so it dragged on for me.
Perhaps the two books by Thompson and Berkmann were hard to match, but as Simkins wrote about his interest as a child, a young adult and a grown adult, a lot of the childhood stories felt telegraphed in advance and rather unoriginal as a child who is no good at sport, and the match reports felt like composite reports of different games, with invented elements. The problem was that they just weren't funny enough to justify the creative license, even if they were based on true stories.
One interesting element was that Simkins was not a complete fanatic, he liked cricket but only as an aspect of life rather than being a passion. Reporting on cricket live felt like work, and he only really enjoyed playing with like-minded teammates. I admired the honesty in that respect, rather than overstating his credentials. But too many tales felt like parts of a milquetoast cricket sitcom than genuine, or genuinely funny, anecdotes, so it dragged on for me.
July 14, 2018
I'm giving this 2 stars because the account of his childhood is so snort-with-laughter-in-public funny I turned to my father for his comparable cricketing anecdotes. The account of his mature cricketing exploits left me so very sorry for Julia and so very grateful for Germaine Greer. I'm glad I read it, I've honed the essential elements of a respectful partnership, having not been caught out by the wry self-deprecating humour which normally knocks me for six. Michael Simkins in 1990s can golden duck off. I remain optimistic that 21st century Michael Simkins knows this.
December 21, 2020
What an enjoyable book. Being a bit of a cricket fanatic and Sunday Cricketer myself I laughed so much at some of the agonisingly funny incidents. A must read for any cricketer.
February 9, 2021
A wonderful account of what makes Cricket the great game that it is. Michael Simkins' humour is priceless.
February 14, 2021
Hilarious.
January 9, 2023
Heartwarming. Funny. A must for anyone who plays recreational sports.
July 15, 2023
Amiable
More 2s and 3s scored in this amiable tale than boundaries, but it's a well constructed Sunday afternoon type of a book that bubbles along in jovial fashion.
More 2s and 3s scored in this amiable tale than boundaries, but it's a well constructed Sunday afternoon type of a book that bubbles along in jovial fashion.
August 10, 2023
omg this book is so amazing. had me crying i laughed so hard
January 30, 2025
Unfortunately I know nothing whatsoever about cricket, but I still found this book hilarious. A bit of knowledge would have gone a long way!
December 6, 2022
You needn’t know cricket
To laugh out loud in enjoyment at this funny and well written memoir. True and sensitive to the best in human nature.
To laugh out loud in enjoyment at this funny and well written memoir. True and sensitive to the best in human nature.
September 7, 2024
Actor, Michael Simkins was always the fat kid at school, who was last to be picked and then got stuck in goal. His discovery of cricket leads to a life long obsession with the game. He forms his own team of blokes who are equally unreliable and hopeless. Trying and sometimes failing to squeeze games into his acting career, this is a hilarious account of one man's love for the great game.
February 11, 2010
This really should be four stars, save that I cannot wrap my head around all the rules and ways of cricket so I think I missed out on some of the key moments when our protagonist steps up to the crease. But it is a family favorite of the mister's clan, passed around like a granny's pie recipe. It is also a very sweet book and a very tender look at men who don't quite make the team but can't give up the sport. From a writer's perspective, my only complaint was that it felt a bit too breezy at times . . . again, I think that's a cultural thing, the Amurrican in me wanting to know a bit more about the wife, the casually inserted autism, the intervening school years, while the Brits universally shake their heads: why bother with that? It's got nothing to do with the story! So I shall shut up and let the author have his century with a minimum of insight into the man in the flannels--because to do otherwise, well, that's just not cricket.
September 9, 2010
I've probably been a slightly better cricketer (and that's really marginal, based on our records against the same sort of opponents!) than Michael Simkins in our respective times - but I don't think I'll ever be able to write about it half as well as he does.
You probably don't need to know a great deal about cricket to really enjoy this book - it has a universal message for anyone who's ever been passionate about anything, and then they'll admire this author's get up and go to follow this passion to the very best of his abilities. Enjoyment doesn't necessarily equate with "success" in this case - but if ever there was an example of the journey being more important than the goal, then this book sums it up. A lovely read - and it will be really appreciated by those of us who've enjoyed playing cricket for the sake of the game over the years.
You probably don't need to know a great deal about cricket to really enjoy this book - it has a universal message for anyone who's ever been passionate about anything, and then they'll admire this author's get up and go to follow this passion to the very best of his abilities. Enjoyment doesn't necessarily equate with "success" in this case - but if ever there was an example of the journey being more important than the goal, then this book sums it up. A lovely read - and it will be really appreciated by those of us who've enjoyed playing cricket for the sake of the game over the years.
August 30, 2014
An amusing and very readable memoir about a fat boy who finds cricket the one sport where his size doesn't matter and so he becomes totally obsessed. Through school and into adulthood, cricket becomes Michael's life, wishing to play and latterly to commentate as part of the Test Match Special team; as an adult, he finds himself organising and playing in an amateur Sunday cricket team but, even then, still believing he could be part of the England middle-order. You would probably need to have an interest in cricket to really appreciate the book. 8/10 for me.
September 10, 2008
This is a funny book! It charts the life of a cricket obsessive through his schooldays and after with his team 'The Baldwins'; it also contains a moving account of his mother's demise which struck a deep chord with me (his old school mucker!).
'Simmo' is a very talented writer and actor of many years standing. Buy this, devour it and brighten your day.
'Simmo' is a very talented writer and actor of many years standing. Buy this, devour it and brighten your day.
October 20, 2014
Light and enjoyable. Particularly as I was brought up in the Brighton area a little before the author. Nostalgia is not what it was! Of course, you have to be of a generation that played cricket ( either middle-aged or public schooled ) to appreciate it.
November 25, 2012
Scheduled as a tonic for the cold Autumn months when there's no cricket to watch, my slow reading has actually meant this coincides with England about to defeat India in Mumbai. That's the kind of dream this book caters to.
Now when do next year's nets start?
Now when do next year's nets start?
December 9, 2011
A great read, Simkins has a lovely way of telling a tale and is very amusing. Being English I of course understand the rules of cricket but you don't need to to enjoy this.
July 26, 2011
Loved it...as will anyone aged 40+ who has ever organised club cricket....or loved the sweets of the 60s!!
July 26, 2011
A tremendous combination of childhood nostalgia and a relationship with cricket that most frustrated middle-aged cricketers will readily relate to.
November 17, 2011
Loved it. Hilarious.
March 28, 2012
Terrific read, especially for cricket tragics like me!
May 9, 2012
One of my favourite books. Mike Simkins is ten years older than me but we shared the same memories of watching cricket, playing Owzat and batting against our Dad's on the beach. Loved it
November 29, 2013
Awesome read. Anybody who has ever tried to run a village cricket team should be made to read this book. Funny, emotional and uplifting.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 34 reviews