I Surrender All: Rebuilding a Marriage Broken by Pornography

by Mark A Tabb

Dove Award-winning artist Clay Crosse and his wife, Renee, share their personal story of his struggle with pornography and how they rebuilt their marriage.

Genres: Nonfiction, Marriage, Christian, Biography, Christian Non Fiction, Self Help, Biography Memoir

176 pages, Kindle Edition

First published June 1, 1999

Reviews

[Deborah · Rating 4 out of 5]

The way this book is structured is helpful (Clay, then Renee, addressing the sin, rebuilding their relationship). It was an encouraging story of overcoming sin, but not a book I would choose to go through with someone struggling with porn addiction, simply because there are better resources. But it helped me know some good questions to ask in the future!

[Michael · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was worth exactly what I purchased it for as a Kindle download....nothing! It was offered as a free download and I thought well it could be an interesting read and I could not have been more wrong. In a side note, I find it hard to be called a person a porn addict when you claim you only own two or three porn tapes, had enough self control to never watch pay-per-view porn while on the road.

I like the way the book was written with Clay sharing his story for the first third of the book. Than his wife Renee shares Clay's story again along with her reaction for the second third of the book. For the final third it is Clay and Renee sharing his story again along with her reaction and how God helped. The two pretty much rehash the same stories over and over again for the whole book. If you ever forget during the reading the porn was his addiction it will be mentioned again don't worry.

Renee and Clay were casual Christians who loved the fame and fortune that came with Clay's career and didn't become servants to God until the addiction to pornography threatened his career and the money that Renee loved to spend. It reads to me as a mildly successful Christian artist who enjoyed the life of being famous. For some reason he loses the ability to sing but medical professionals could find no reason for Clay's issues he decides after a horrible performance that it must be this porn addiction that he hides from his wife. He tells his wife, they pray and read the bible and than they become full blown dedicated to God Christians! Marriage is saved and never is their word of a marriage counselor or minister to help. Now his career is saved they go around and witness to people and tell their story all is right with the world!

[Audrey Grant · Rating 5 out of 5]

For Adults! I think that this book is not only for married couples but for single men who are tempted by or already addicted to Pornography. WARNING: This is a very frank and honest discussion about not just the temptation of porn but the details of how it almost destroyed this man's life and marriage. He and his wife are very open and honest about what happened and how they felt and what was said and done. (Not explicit in the way they describe sex, but enough that it isn't for young teens unless they are being counseled for this problem already.)
This book took bravery, honesty and faith to write so openly about what they each had done wrong, how they both felt along the way and how painful and hard the restoration of their marriage was but that they had made a choice and a decision and stuck with each other!
I have lived on the other end of the pain of living with someone addicted to Porn and know the damage it can do to you and your emotions and self esteem as a woman. She is to be greatly respected for sticking by him and standing up with him in front of all of his fans and the world. This is a wonderful book. Well written, captivating, emotional, and in the end heart warming in their strength to stand together.

[Katherine Coble · Rating 1 out of 5]

There is perhaps enough actual material here for a magazine article.

But no! The author--a one-hit wonder in the CCM world--manages to repeat himself in each chapter. This prolongs the agony of reading him discussing his masturbation habits and high-flying Christian Artist lifestyle for 175 pages.




Unfortunately there is a very necessary message here, one that could use a stronger, less ego-driven book.

Pornography is a real problem in our culture, one that has derailed many a marriage.

I do hope this book reaches the people who need it. I'm just disappointed with how much it seems like this book was an advertisement for Clay Crosse.

[Loraine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Clay Crosse, Christian contemporary singer, was living a double life that falls apart when he begins to lose his singing voice. In this in-depth story of how his addiction to pornography affected his career and his life, Chris and Renee open their hearts, souls and minds to assist other married couples whose lives are disrupted by addictions to worldly pleasures. I commend this couple for their openness and honesty.

[Joy M. · Rating 4 out of 5]

It must have been quite difficult to write a story like this. Clay was blessed to recognize what needed changing in his life (and to make those changes), to have a supportive wife who journeyed (and continues to journey) with him, and to write a story that could possibly open the eyes of others to how porn destroys lives and destroys souls. Good book.

[Angela Etten · Rating 4 out of 5]

In this story, an award winning Christian music star, confessed his secret passion for pornography. God’s grace protected the couple during years of compromise, and God allowed Clay to suffer the long-term consequences of his sin. It is also a story of repentance, forgiveness, and resisting temptation. This book tells how God restored their marriage and Christian ministry.

[Huggiworld · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great Read Re: Strengthening Marriages

I Surrender All is very transparent and gives great insight and advice about how to steer a faltering marriage. It is a great resource filled with practical advice.

[Kaleb Grimes · Rating 4 out of 5]

Though redundant at times, this book gives great insight on the effects of lust being at the center of a relationship. This book also speaks from the perspective of the husband and the wife to paint a clearer image of what a certain sin can do to a marriage if left unchecked.

[Scott · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a fast read-very short book. I found it useful and think it could help people. There was a lot of repetition. I thought reading both sides of the story was good. It was not super deep.

[Eva Lounsbury · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an awesome testimony of God's grace and redeeming power! What a testimony of the slippery slope we take into sin and how it traps us. What a reminder that we are all sinners, saved by grace, even those of us who sing songs like, "I Surrender All" on stages and preach from pulpits. I encourage everyone to read the book. If you know someone struggling, buy this for them. If you know a woman or man feeling betrayed by an affair or addiction to porn that their spouse has, buy them this book.

We are BOMBARDED with sex all day long. Movies. Commercials. Magazines. Songs. Things we see. Things we hear. This worlds is out of control, like Sodom and Gomorrah, and yet little by little we become more and more desensitized. We don't wake up one day and say, "I'm going to become addicted to porn today" or "I'm going to have an affair today" - it starts more subtle than that, and before we know it - we've slidden down a slippery slope into a trap of sin. Clay did. And he recalls how it didn't really start with the sexual sin. Both he and his wife, Renee, talk about how they had always treated God casually - never had an intimate relationship with him - and that was just the first mistake.

Chapter 20 "We thought God was important to us, but in looking back, we now see that we simply wanted Him to be a combination of a grandfather, Santa Claus, and a Doberman pincher. We wanted Him to love us without asking for anything in return, shower us with blessings, and keep bad stuff away from us."

But as they end the last chapter, the good news is - no matter how far we fall - when we surrender all - "We now understand that when God turns evil into good, He redeems all of it."

So... I was blessed by Clay and Renee's candor about their struggle, how they got there, and most importantly how God got their attention and made them both much stronger today than they were years ago through the bond they developed as they surrendered their marriage and themselves to God.

Lastly, on prayer and accountability - in chapter 5 Clay talks about some of the signs he didn't heed. He speaks of a friend who asked him point blank about if he was struggling with lust, and Clay did not let on that he was. But this is what stood out to me, on page 53...

"I found out a few years later, after my redidication to Christ, that Jim had been praying for me ever since that conversation. We ran into each other in front of a Walgreens, and he asked me how my life was going. Instead of dodging the question, I gave him an honest answer. I told him about how I'd sunk into pornography and lust and how God had pulled me out. But I didn't make it sound as thought all my problems were behind me. I told him how I still struggle every day. I'll never forget what Jim did next. Standing near the front doors of a busy drugstore, he laid his hands on my shoulders and prayed for me."

[Janette Fuller · Rating 4 out of 5]

In 1998, Clay Crosse found himself on the verge of losing his music career and his family. His voice was hoarse but the doctors could not find any physical cause for his ailments. Clay grew increasingly depressed because he was hiding a dirty little secret from his wife and his fans.

Clay Crosse accepted Christ as his Savior at the age of thirteen. He was active in church youth groups and music groups. He was a Christian but did not have a close personal relationship with Christ.

Clay had his first experience with pornography when he was in the fourth grade. He was at a friend's house and they found the dad's collection of magazines. His involvement with pornography increased as he entered his high school years.

Clay and Renee started dating and made public commitments to sexual purity, but Clay continued to secretly view pornographic magazines and videos. He didn't realize that this "habit" was taking over his life and damaging his relationship with his wife and with God.

Clay and Renee Crosse share the difficult journey they experienced after Clay went public with his problem and asked for forgiveness. They both share their feelings in the pages of this book. They were committed to their marriage and they were able to use this experience to draw nearer to God and to each other.

This couple is a role model for couples who find their marriage in the ditch. Clay and Renee demonstrate that it is possible to come through the storm and have a stronger marriage and a closer walk with God. They are reaching out to other hurting couples with their Holy Homes Ministry.
There is hope for a better life....this book proves it!

[David Lovell · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book about a man and woman's struggle with an addiction, the pain it caused and how they dealt with it. Clay is very transparent about who he was when he first entered the Christian music scene and what his goals were and how they were all about him. Both Clay and Renee were living a life to please their desires and not God's. Only through a rededicated life to Christ and the correct understanding of who God is and what He desires for all of us did this couple rise out of the ashes of pornography addiction and living lives to please themselves. I highly recomment this book to all show struggle with addiction or an unhealthy hurt, hang up or habit.

[Gizzard · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a moderately well written book by (and cowritten) two (very pretty) people and their struggle with living their religion. The problem with them, their marriage and how they were living their lives really didn't seem to have much to do with the pornography. However, I did enjoy their journey from being self centered surficial Christians to moving toward a more authentic faith.

If you, your spouse or a friend are looking for a Christian guide for dealing with porn, this probably won't be much help.

[Kymberly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just finished in tears. What a great encouraging book! I got this and others for research paper I was doing for school and I am floored how blessed I have been left after reading it. I loved how they didn't focus a lot on his addiction but more on the rebuilding! That's what matters the most, the rebuilding. Thank you Clay and Renee. I have been truly blessed!

[Terry Conrad · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to Clay Crosse music for years. This book tells how easy it is to fall into addictions. He was addicted to pornography. What started as a harmless look turned into something hard to overcome. He and his wife talk very candidly of their walk with Christ and how God helped them overcome this addiction.

[Amy · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was just okay. It seemed to go on and on, repeating the same things over and over. I appreciate that he overcame his addiction, but don't think there was enough to write about to fill a book. Even with the repetition, it was short.

[Laura · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent. Clay and Renee Crosse have boldly come forward and bared their hearts. I read this and thought "This is my story - they truly understand."

[Melissa (Semi Hiatus Until After the Holidays) · Rating 3 out of 5]

Christian singer who struggled with pornography addiction. Not very well written but sad book.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book !

[Andrew Mcneill · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful book that demonstrates the destructive effects of pornography and the power of God's grace.

[Amy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a quick read about sin, forgiveness, and healing. It can be a big help to a marriage struggling with this issue.

[Alta Potgieter]

LOL ...wrong book chosen.....lol