Putting Children First: Proven Parenting Strategies for Helping Children Thrive Through Divorce

by JoAnne Pedro-Carroll, Karen Saltus (Reading)

An internationally renowned authority on children and divorce reveals the latest research-based strategies for helping children survive and thrive before, during, and long after their parents divorce.

The breakup of a family can have an enduring impact on children. But as Dr. JoAnne Pedro-Carroll explains with clarity and compassion in this powerful book, parents can positively alter the immediate and long-term effects of divorce on their children. The key is proven, emotionally intelligent parenting strategies that promote children's emotional health, resilience, and ability to lead satisfying lives.

Over the past three decades, Pedro-Carroll has worked with families in transition, conducted research, and developed and directed award- winning, court-endorsed programs that have helped thousands of families navigate divorce and its aftermath. Now she shares practical, research-based advice that helps

-gain a deeper understanding of what their children are experiencing

-develop emotionally intelligent parenting strategies with the critical combination of boundless love and appropriate limits on behavior

-reduce conflict with a former spouse and protect children from conflict's damaging effects

-learn what recent brain research reveals about stress and children's developing capabilities

Filled with the voices and drawings of children and the stories of families, Putting Children First delivers a positive vision for a future of hope and healing.

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Psychology, Self Help, Counselling, Reference

352 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2010

Reviews

[Ellen Nakhnikian · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are a divorcing or separating parent who wants excellent, research-based information non how to help your child or children through the divorce process and after, and you want your information in one place, this is the book for you. An added bonus - the book is written in plain English with any vignettes about real children and families. Te author is a clinical psychologist who specializes in helping parents and children in separating and divorcing families. she is also a researcher so she is able to combine her research-based knowledge with decades of clinical experience working with children and their parents. I can't think of another author in the field who combines such sensitivity to children with both clinical and research expertise, and who writes so clearly. This book is outstanding.

Dr. Pedro-Carroll covers questions separating or divorcing parents often have, including how to tell the children, what kinds of time sharing plans are best for children of different ages depending on the level of conflict between the parents, how to reduce conflict with the other parent, what to look for to see if your child needs extra support, and much more. The chapters are clearly labeled so you can read the whole book or skip to the part that particularly interests you.

The book is equally informative for professionals working with children and families who are going through a separation or divorce - attorneys, mediators, mental health professionals, financial analysts and teachers. It provides a wealth of information in an accessible, concise manner.

As a psychologist who works with separating and divorcing families, I keep several copies of this book in my office. I give copies to all separating or divorcing parents who have children and who are interested in learning more about how they can protect their children from potentially damaging effects of separation and divorce and, in fact, help them thrive. Parents who read Dr. Pedro-Carroll's book are able to make excellent use of their time with me. (It also saves them money, since they don't have to pay me to tell them what is already in the book!)

[Julia · Rating 2 out of 5]

Frustrating and out-dated in many ways. I got irritated when the author even dared to try and talk the reader out of divorce, claiming that it'd be easier on the kids. There's a lot of focus on the negative effects of divorce, when what I was looking for was a book to help me make the best of the situation that I'm in without any added guilt. I wouldn't recommend this to any divorcing parents. "The Co-Parenting Handbook" has been much more helpful.

[Lauren · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have not read this entire book, but what I have read and what I know about Dr. Pedro-Carroll and what I heard at a book reading from her convince me that this is an essential resource for families in transition, and for those not necessarily separating but having communication and consistency troubles.

[Kathy Adasiak · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Pedro-Carroll's book is a no-nonsense, common sense, research-based, yet, compassionate handbook that centers on children's best interests without coddling them. I only wish this gem had been available to families throughout my 35 years of teaching.

[Magda Grzemska · Rating 4 out of 5]

I recommend the book to better understand the impact you have on people around you. Especially children, they see you - words, actions, attitude, tone of voice. They make adjustments, form beliefs based on what they are exposed to. A major take away: for the child divorced parents are a family, they are still together in that sense from the child's perspective. Another important take away: deal with your own anger and resentment, then apply all that in relationship with other adults and that will translate into the children's well being. I learned ways how to deal with uncomfortable emotions. Don't expect you from others. We are all different and hold different truths, and that's ok. Be curious of other truths and empathetic for suffering, no matter your own. Don't one-up when they share. Don't take it personal, don't get defensive, don't run away - listen, be present and own your shit.

[drowningmermaid · Rating 4 out of 5]

Heartbreaking and depressing, but practical.

[Emily Rosén · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great read. Unfortunately there is no accountability within our system.

[Elise · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read portions of this book when our divorce started and finally read it cover to cover over the past couple of weeks. Several significant parts that held no interest to me a few years ago were very helpful now, when the kids are older and we are continuing to figure out what is best for them (which seems to change with age). This will end up being a reference type book I will re-open again and again over the next decade or two. I really like the focus on children first, including respecting ways and times when it is still very important to the kids to be with the other parent, extended family, or even both parents still together since both are still very important to the kids.

[Robert · Rating 3 out of 5]

An informative book about putting your children first while going through the pangs. It offers many insights and tips for making a trying time less painful.Much of it isn't groundbreaking information as it reinforces what other sources tell you what you should do. The only complaint I had was it it seemed like the narrator was a bit too happy at times although not intentional. It's worth listening to if your going through this situation and love your kids. They come first.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a wonderful book full of information to help parents help their children. It went from HOW to tell your children about the divorce though the younger years and teen years. Helpful advice all the way through.

[Sam Motes · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very focused at keeping focus on what is right for the kids while your world is falling apart around you during a divorce.

[Elizabeth Anna · Rating 4 out of 5]

As a therapist, this book serves as a wonderful tool for parents experiencing divorce.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Not ground breaking, but a good reminder.